Dave's Dirty Acceptance Speech - podcast episode cover

Dave's Dirty Acceptance Speech

Jul 31, 202314 min
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Episode description

Dave tells us about the time he gave a dirty acceptance speech, and it didn't go very well. We also discuss polaroids, a laundry ?, Dave's version of "Some Nights" and more!

Transcript

All right, let's get started with what some people prefer. More Over, the show is the Minnesota Goodbye. So if you've discovered this Minnesota Goodbye and your first time listener, welcome. Basically, it is a podcast that is mostly emails that we read from you, and then we get off on tangents. We just tell dirty, dirty stories, and I'm gonna I'm gonna tell the dirty version right now of my acceptance speech at them. There was a radio award maybe tennis years or so ago, and one of the people who

won this radio award. There was twenty five of us who won this, like you know whatever lifetime Achievement award, and one of them was Rick D's. Now remember the name Rick D's. He was a big, big national DJ back in the eighties when I first started in radio, and he had a countdown show kind of like you know, like like the Ryan Seacrest Show, and it was like the Rick D's Weekly Top forty. And I loved Rick D's. He was my hero. I wanted to be Rick D's and

he and Casey Casey more they at the same time. Casey was a little bit earlier. Casey was probably from nineteen seventy on and Rick D's was probably from nineteen eighty two on and Rick D's was my hero, and I had an autograph picture of him that said go Dave Go, and I treasured it and I used to listen to Rick D's. So I was accepting this award.

It was late night at this radio convention, and people had kind of been drinking in The room was maybe one third full because a lot of people had gone home, which sucked to begin with because it's a full day conference. It starts in the morning, so at that point people had already left for dinner or whatever. They were sick of being in the conference room, so that part already stuck. That they held it in the evening when people weren't ready to leave. Yep, so Foulons in the front row. Steve's

there too, but I don't think Steve's Steve was. I don't remember Steve in this story, but I remember you in the front couple of rows being supportive. And so here's the story that I told, the speech that I gave. I can't believe I'm nominated with somebody like Rick D's because Rick D's

he was given this award two and Rick D's is my hero. As a matter of fact, on Saturday nights, my girlfriend would be in my bedroom in my apartment need to have sex, while I'd be on the couch listening to Rick D's on the radio while my girlfriend was in the bedroom masturbating with a vibrator, and I wouldn't come in and have sex with her, and then fallon went, which was such a bad story and so vulgar, and

it just didn't really work out. And I remember that. To me, it was a funny story because it showed how much I chose radio over sex. Yeah, but nobody thought it was funny and nobody laughed, and there was nobody there anyway. Yeah, that was an interesting night. It was just weird because that happened. And then I felt bad for you because because no one laughed, and like everyone knows that feeling to tell a joke, but then to do it in front of all your peers and no one laughed.

I didn't care. I mean, it did suck, but it was It's funny now. And then that same night there was another idol of mine. His name was Scott Shannon. That's one of the one that makes me And tell it the way you remember it okay. So he had a nickname that he used to call himself, Scott Shannon, big huge radio station and the biggest radio station in New York City. Was just like Katie WB. Usually at these events, you know, people will come up to Dave and

tell him they're a big fan. So you don't really see Dave doing that to a lot of people. But he got hype seeing this guy, and he's like, oh man, and he like goes up and he says his little tagline to it, Ramon. So I went up, and he would call himself Rammon, jamm and Michael Scott Shannon, and that's how he talked. And so he did that, and I walked up and said that and put his hand out like, oh man, I got a picture with you, and Mike Shannon have the most annoyed look on his face, like God,

shut the fucking get your picture and leave. He did, yeah, And I was like, one was so awkward, But that was part of his charm in a way. He was well, Now, I didn't know who was then, but now that I've seen his stuff, I think he's retired. Now he's retired. Yeah, he's He had like the attitude of like I think that was his character right to kind of be an ass. He was very curmudgeonly, kind of an ass, and like he was in

the radio business, he was not to be fucked with. And he was a powerhouse right up until the time he retired, but especially back when he had this Z one hundred, which is still on the air and Elvis Duran as the morning show host on there. So there's a story about Scott Shannon that goes something like this, because I interviewed to work on Scott Shannon Show when I was probably twenty eight or so years old. So I flew out

there and somebody told me this story. They said, Scott Shannon brought one guy into his office one time in New York City, you know, probably their offices. I think we're in the Empire State Building. He brought him into his office to sit down, have a seat. Why what's up, Have a sit down, have a seat. I'm gonna take a picture of you. He pulls out a polaroid camera. Scott Shannon takes a picture of this guy and he's like, oh man, look at that. That turned

out good. And he's shaken it, you know, he's looking at it. He's like, take a look. Guy's like confused. He's like, wow, I'm yeah. I mean, I guess it's good. He goes, well, you keep it because that's a picture of you and your last day at Z one hundred. Because he was firing him and that's how he fired him. That's awful. It's awful. But that's the kind of guy. If this story is true, and I believe every word of it, that's the kind of guy that he was comfortable. But that was part of

his charm. Well maybe on the air, I'm sure that doesn't think he was a very good person to work with. Maybe I'm wrong, but that story doesn't take it slid. I think I think that you you respected Scott Shannon. Yeah, and you had to respect him for a success. And maybe you know what that you probably couldn't get away with that in twenty twenty three, but I'm going to try that with Drake one day. I'm gonna try that with Drake. I'm gonna bring Drake in. I'm gone. You

have a polaroid I can borrow I actually do. Yeah, okay, bring it in tomorrow. Bought one too, He bought one of like Arcs Value Village or something. My stepson bought Polaroid at like Arcs Value village this past week. He's very into photography now. It's this thing, isn't funny? Allison, we were in Italy on vacation in twenty fourteen and she found a polaroid camera at a store and she was it was a marvel to her.

She was probably twenty one years old. She had never seen or heard of a polaroid camera and she was like, Dad, it prints out a picture right away. I'm like, whoa, that's coming. How expensive the film is? And then quickly quite prohibitive using it? All Right, here we go, Lisa write, Since my second time writing, I want to share that I absolutely love this podcast. I look forward to listening every day. I get a few things that would like to mention or discuss and try to

make this as short as possible. I have a four year old she loves watching the Toy Story movies. Dave. You mentioned the podcast last Thursday that somebody said you look like Al Franken. What's your glasses on? Laugh emoji? After watching these movies over and over again, I've come to the conclusion you look like Woody Fallon. Do you see it? That's not the first time I heard that it looked like woody. It's yeah, you do,

I mean, and I feel I think it's great you realize that. But yeah, that has been one that's been talked about for quite some time. And you do have a it's your face shape, is what it is. I thought it was the string coming out of my back. Noah, God, No, okay, no laundry question. If you do your family's laundry, who is responsible for emptying the pockets so they don't go through the wash the person doing the laundry or the person who wears it. Let me tell

you sore spot in my household. I do all the laundry in my house, including my husband's, and he believes it's my job to empty the pockets. I don't think that's right. I'm doing a favor him a favor by washing his clothes put him away. The least he can do is check his pockets. If something is left in his pockets that gets ruined, well that's too fucking bad. I am not taking the blame or feel sorry whatsoever. I am on your side, Lisa, one hundred and ten percent. I'm

going to guess your boyfriend also doesn't replay. Your husband also doesn't replace the toilet paper. He also probably pisses on the toilet seat and leaves big shit smudges in the bath in the toilet bowl, and that's just the way he is. So I was gonna, I'm gonna say it is not your problem to take things out of the pockets. Yeah, Jake and I do our own laundry, so I would really Yeah, I do mine, he does his, and then we take turns out of olives like just whoever notices her

baskets full or she's out of Bundy's, we washed her stuff. And I honestly don't have many things with pockets, And even if I do, I don't put things in my pockets, usually because I have a purse, so I never check pockets. I throw everything into the washing machine and I never have an issue, luckily. Yeah, I'm sure your husband's a lovely person. I didn't mean to be so hard on him, but to me, it's like, well, of course you take your own things out of your

pockets. Of course, you dave. A long time ago, you sang some Nights by Fun. It wasn't a parody, but just singing. It was absolutely hilarious. You were singing it so high pitch and screaming at the end. I was laughing so hard. I would love to hear you play that again if you have access to it. Oh wow, conveniently it's only a minute long, So here we go. Some nights I stay passion in my bad luck. Sometimes I call it draw. Some nights I wish that

my lips could build a castle. Sometimes I wish they just fall off, But I still wake up backs he'll see your ghost lord. I'm still not sure what I stand for? Whoa? What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nice? I don't know anyma whoa whoa? Oh, whoa, whoa? Whoa? Come on? Come on? No, oh man, Just for clarity. At no point that I ever think that sounded good, I was actually trying to do harmony, and I don't know. I don't know how to do harmony. Harmony impresses me so much.

When I see people just naturally sing along in harmony, I know I don't get it. Chow writes in fallon Things for the Zingers. Now I got some jokes to tell my nine year old daughter. Dave, do you know why you're so funny? It's because you have some percentage of Asian in you. Yes, I'm twenty percent Asian. Jenny. Every time that I poop, I think of you. Weird Jenny. Are you honored? I am honored, honestly. Thank you and Drake, you are a great addition

to the team, always laughing and making everyone smile. So that can't ko pushing delete? I always try. I always say out loud, pushing delete because if I don't delete it, then our last foul in the next day. Did we read this one? And then I'm like, I don't know. Help, Stacy says, I know the pink eye issues from couple of days ago. This won't get to you till Monday. But there are two

kinds of pink eye, bacterial and viral. Bacterial happens from poop particles in your eyes, So yes, picking your butt can give you bacterial pink eye. Didn't we dispel that myth last week? I'm not really sure point because there are two different types, and I didn't argue it when she sent in

the email. But I know that it can cause pink eye. But I agree that there probably are two different Just like when you get sick, you have to check off its viral or bacterial, and but I didn't make that up as it like you will go over the top with it as a joke. Obviously, Dave, I don't think you picked your butt and stuck your hand in your eye. That's why I have a stye, although it could have happened, but I didn't want to argue with the email last week because

her family had a different experience. But it really can come from that. You could, like literally just google it. It's one of the top. It's yes, it can. It worries me that poop is everywhere because people will come to the bathroom not wash their hands. They will get a little bit of poop on this, they'll get poop on that whatever. Pretty soon there's poop on the countertops. There's probably fecal matter pretty much everywhere you touch.

Now, let's go to an eye doctor, because an eye doctor wrote in pretty sure everybody else doesn't want to keep hearing about eyes. I'm here to chime in as an eye doctor, but I want to let you know, don't do the home remedies that people are saying. We don't recommend baby shampoo, we don't recommend the shot glass with the cupful of the salt water in it, held up to your eye, use your hot bead hack in the microwave. That is what we recommend, but people don't always do it

as much as they should. Guilty, do ten to fifteen minutes at least three or four times a day more if you want to gone sooner, and most importantly, do it an extra day or two after it feels totally fine. You can be left with little scar tissue in the gland if you stop too soon, and the little bump will stay there forever if you start getting them repeatedly. There are maintenance things we can do, but hopefully it's just a one and done and you won't need to worry about that anytime soon.

Any other eye related questions, let me know. Have a great weekend, doctor Gina. So thank you, Doctor Gina. Appreciate that one. I'm hitting delete because if I don't delete it, you see, it won't be deleted. Right. Okay, now I lost track. Hold on, heard the email about you guy, your podcast skiing Quiet. I thought maybe I was the only one I listened every day. I might drive home from work and I have to turn my volume up on my phone and car almost all

the way to hear it properly weird. Sometimes Dave is quiet and Fallon is loud, and the other days it's opposite. That one doesn't always happen, but it has happened a handful of times. Want to let you know that others are having the same issue as well. Not sure if there's anything you can do, but I thought i'd write in to let you know. Hope you guys have a great weekend. Love your show and podcast From Brianna. I tried to make adjustments last week and I could not find the way to

make adjustments. So let me know if that continues, because if it is, then we got to figure out a better solution. Yeah, maybe they can turn up the vox pro that we record on or something. I don't know. My wife and I just watched Vivarium. It's the movie on Netflix with all the greenhouses. That's the one we watched. Yet we thought it was really good. Strange, weird and good. Not two thumbs up, but one. Thanks for sharing. I thought I really liked it because it

was the most different movie I've seen in a really long time. So that's why I really enjoyed it, and that I believe it is going to do it for the Minnesota Goodbye Today. Always love your email, sendals into Ryan Show at Katie and we'll catch you next time on the Minnesota Goodbye

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