Starting off of the Minnesota Goodbye. This one came in not via email, but a Facebook messenger message. I want to say thank you Dave and the crew. My name is Heimi or Hima Hima. That's pronounced they give me pronunciation. Been listening for three years now from Austin, Texas. I wanted to say how much of a help you've been with my loneliness. I went from managing a restaurant and people to starting my own food truck. It's long hours and I work by myself. The hardest part is being
alone all day. When I got y'all in the background talking, I sometimes bust out laughing to what you guys are saying. It feels like I got people there just goofing off in the kitchen. It helps me get through the day and not go crazy in my own head. Also, if I ever see vont in person, I'm throwing a rare steak at his face, disrespecting the steak. The other day he said, well done. The food is already dead. Why
do you want to kill it? Twice was Vaunt saying that he does like he only likes well done.
Yeah, only well done takes gross.
Yes, I will say I understand how she feels from from talking to people all day working in a restaurant or whatever it was she was managing to being alone in a food truck. Because when I worked at Bubba Gumps and then I went to working in a desk job nine to five, I was so lonely. It was such a shock to me because I was talking to people all day, looking twelve hour doubles to like sitting behind a desk, having barely any conversations outside of an email, and I just like I hated it.
We're a very social kind of a person. I don't think that. I mean, I really enjoy like coming in and hang out with you guys, because I really love you guys, and you're all fun and different in your ways, and so if I didn't get to hang out with you, I don't know how life would be, you know what I mean, Like if you're.
Just sitting in here by yourself doing a show, not chit chatting with us. And I know that we like talk to people through texting and like phone calls, but like to be in the presence of someone else.
It's just a different thing.
Okay, yesterday we talked about the guy with the world's largest confirmed penis medically confirmed. And I didn't say how long it.
Was, Yeah, because you were.
I was gonna kind of tease you with this one.
Yeah.
Did you guys want to make a guess or did you already look it up? Well we already yesterday it was your guesses again.
I think I said, did I say a foot? You said a foot and I said fifteen inches?
Fourteen inches a little over fourteen inches? Yeah, okay, Now if you take a ruler remember from school, and spread your fingers about that far apart as a ruler, and then add on another two inches that is. And the funny thing is this guy, Matt Barr. He looks like a chubbier John Lovett's or a chubbier Kevin Kneelin.
Cute.
He's not cute. No, so Shannon writes in, and she says, I'm a god. Wednesday's mass produced pr email for the guy with a huge penis had me laughing all the way to the gym. Geez, I'm sorry, your huge schlong is causing much trauma. Maybe you should get in the business of having it worked for you, not against you. At least you be richer than you Probably you're probably crappy book. Let's call it a cash cock. Okay, Oh my god. I didn't even want to google the guy.
I didn't want to potentially cheat on my guess. I'm guessing mister big bars packages twenty two inches long. Holy crap, and oh so painful to think about. Probably passes out when he gets a hart on because he doesn't have enough blood to supply both his brains and his cock. I love the fact that she's graphic on this. It's funny. Needless to say, my largest encounter was a confirmed twelve inches and that was more than enough. Alrighty, back to work,
wishing you all nothing but big wiener. In Pleasant Dreams, Shannon twelve inches. Now there's a yard. There's a ruler right there, entire rule yard.
Imagine.
I did ask Andrew yesterday what he thought the length was and he said thirty six inches. And I was like, what, that's the size of like a fifth grader.
Yeah, no, settle down, And he was like, yeah, you're right. That was a little too much hot. Oh my gosh.
Let's move on to Elena, who writes in she says, I see your longest dong ever story and raise you the cutest little pen you ever did see. I attached the snap of child Woo Willie Johnson for your viewing pleasure. I got him for my favorite urology nurse when she before she moved, and she he keeps me company at my desk. He has had some misadventures. Most notoriously, my nine year old secretly pocketed him and brought him to
show his fourth grade pals. I'm not quite getting the clarity on what this.
Is going to be, like a stuffed animal or something.
I think I'm gonna keep reading Chodwick Likes and Timberlake as much as I do, so if you want to, Okay, I'll be honest with you. I don't get this email.
I'm getting it. Does she have a picture attached? It's like a flat Stanley. She's like, here's the thing that my son took to.
Oh okay, sure, yes, I'm glad I opened it. It is a little rubber penis that is about the size of your index fingertip.
Cute.
I love that it's not a real penis.
Not a real one soul accessory.
Yeah, that's funny. He's squishy.
He's like squishih he's for stress. Then, okay, stress.
Thanks relief, Elena. I'm glad that it is a stress relieving penis and thank you Elena for participating in the naughty Let's see here's one, Katie writes in she says, greeting from greetings from Olympia, Washington. In my head, Dave was asking how to find our show and I said, hmm, a little tacky. I love this bit. We used to do that bit because somebody would say, oh, I listened to your show, how did you find our show? Hmmm,
a little tacky? And it was a setup. And another setup that we used to do is like, oh.
It was It was like something with how you'll go ahead?
I'm sorry, Jenny, but thanks reminding me. It would be like, oh, you work for the State and Transportation. How many people work there? About half? And that was our standard set up joke and we used to do those all the time, but they kind of fell by the wayside. This bit. I'm originally from Minnesota. Last night I walked into a dispensary and heard a familiar tune playing in the store. I stopped dead on my track, saying out loud, hey, I think I know this song. Then I heard the
lyric pau till I die. Holy shit, it's Amy but Bobby, my worlds are colliding. I only know of her because Dave had a phase where he was obsessed with that song. Okay, this email needs a little bit more content. I'm pretty sure that somebody wrote in recently expressing uncertainty about going into a dispensary and asking questions. Please chat with the bud tenders. They're helpful, friendly, and probably used to all sorts of questions. I've been consuming cannabis for several years
and I still ask for recommendations just for funzies. I played a little game in my head, and I think the term is called the spoonerism. It's where you switch out the first few letters between two words of a phrase. I do this all the time, and it cracks me up. When I watched TV with subtitles and the caption says birds chirping, I think Churd's burping it. It's fun to do this with names too, Rave Dyan Hailey, Bess Launt Vick, Lenny Juttenberger.
I used to have a substitute teacher who did that when he did roll call at the beginning of class. So he would just do it to be funny, and so mine was always Hailey Bess and I had a friend. Her name is Lexi Sastamoinen, so she was sexy last a mooien.
Oh funny.
So anyway, that's a cool bit. I like that bit.
She goes on to say I would love a staff Rider sticker and with love and dart licks Katie, thank you, Katie, appreciate that one. Clicking down to the next one and a skip for that one. Just listening to the steak rant, Now, this was a big deal on the show yesterday because Vaunt was like, my steak needs to be like well, well well done. Yeah gros, just listening to the rant. My take is I like my steak well done. Personally, I eat like a five year old. I only eat
chicken nuggets and pizza every day. No, Joe, I have the same disorder that Corey Cove has on kfan aar fid. So truly, my wife is happy. I even try to stake a few years back. I'm thirty four now, by the way, but she told me get it well done because she knew I wouldn't like it if it was less. Even one time at Bonefish Grill. I got it medium well and it just didn't taste cooked enough, so I had him cook it even more to well done, and
I love it. I'm with you, Dave, where all adults should eat your steak, however you like my brother think my brother likes it where it's still mooing, But yeah, kill that motherfucker l ol. Thanks. Isn't that an interesting disorder? And I'm glad that Corey is out about it, so it's not like it's a secret that he. I don't know Corey very well, but I guess that he only eats chicken nuggets and French fries.
Lily, Is that true?
That's what it's. That's the acronym aarfid.
I think they call it arfed maybe not probably, but yeah, I know that's a real thing. I've just never I've never encountered anyone who has it. But I mean, if that's what you gotta do. But I know for a fact that's something that Vont doesn't have, and he's just being a little bitch.
I don't think he has ar fid. Yeah, Vont is just kind of a picky It's funny. Carson was also a very picky eater, and then he would get mocerella sticks and never dip them. I'm like, oh, you got to dip them in the marinera.
I don't worry.
And he would get only honey barbecue at Buffalo Wild Wings and he grew out of it, and now he likes almost everything except green stuff. That kid never eats green salad, vegetables, peas, beans, broccoli to eat.
I love green stuff, delicious. I love a vegetable like saute anything. Oh it, put it in my belly.
Let's say, everything except Brussels sprouts. I just don't they just have that kind of earthy, dirty.
Yeah, they do, not very specific taste.
I love it.
You just got to get them caramelized and then they don't taste like Brussels sprouts anymore.
Here's one from Dana. Hello, besties, I've been wanting to tell you this story. Today is my mom's birthday, which was yesterday. She wrote this last night at ten o'clock. She passed a few years ago, so this day is especially hard for me to get through. I'm so sorry about that. I work in the medical field doing home care. One year ago today I was at one of my very special patient's house over the lunch hour. My patient's
wife offered to make me a two go lunch. I declined over and over, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. When I got in my car, I opened my lunch and I just couldn't believe what I saw. This is not your average ham turkey sandwich. It is the exact sandwich my mom used to make, summer sausage, butter and mustard on small sliced French bread. What an amazing coincidence.
Yeah, that's like a sign, that's a message, it is.
I started crying. I called my husband. He told me it was like my mom made it just for me, just like she used to. Wow. I get a little teary. I'd thinking about this one. God works in strange ways. Thank you for reading my email, and thank you for making me laugh every day, especially on my darkest, hardest days. Hope you all have a great day. From Dana. Ah. That is so sweet. What an unusual sandwich. Summer sausage, butter and mustard sounds delicious.
I do that, except for not mustard ketchup. We always grew up doing summer sausage sandwiches butter ketchup, not on fancy bread like that, just on your basic white butader I've never had, but I kind of want one.
Oh God, I haven't had summer sausage. I've had like several unhealthy meals this entire month. I've been so good. Yeah, I had a Patty melt, I had a parlor burger. Ye I had buffalo wild wings. And other than that, everything that I've eaten this month has been healthy.
Wow. Congrats.
Yeah, go for you. And last email for today, it looks like here we go. It says for Dave and Jenny, and I'm going to guess they probably include Bailey too, but maybe they just they spelled Jenny's name wrong, so maybe they're just, you know, like we're busy that day. First time rider here. I know you guys get these kind of emails a lot, so feel free to read for yourself. On the Minnesota Goodbye. Twenty one years ago, I had what must have been a stroke of some kind,
never fully diagnosed, that changed my life. In the next five months, I lost thirty five pounds. I could not even sit up without almost passing out. I had to take a sabbatical during this time. Aside from physical portion, the mental part was the worst. I can't describe it better than a storm cloud trying to burst out of my head at even the slightest stress brought on full body shakes, the irregular heart beats, and literally feeling like
my brain was going to explode. But a horrible feeling. Yeah, And I can't even imagine being bound to laying on the couch and unable to help my wife who was struggling with a job she hated, so we could stay afloat. I felt utterly useless by the second month, with no end in sight. I contemply I heavily contemplated how long I could keep mentally doing this, and my mind went
to dark solutions. Yes, you guess correctly. That's when I started listening to radio, namely Your Morning Show, and very quickly after the Minnesota Goodbye, you became an anchor in my life, and the shows were something that helped me divert my attention away from all the bad. My mental health kept getting better and better with this sense of routine in my life, and I'm thrilled to say I am doing so much better and I have a job
I love again. I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for the ongoing presence of what I deemed were family and friends that you, Jenny and Fallon created for me. Oh I see now like this was a long time ago. Now I now have a child and life couldn't be more on the up and up. Thank you, Dave and Jenny. I do miss Fallon. Pack a picture attached to a picture of me and my little man now and there he is sitting there with a little boy on his level, cherry, little bald headed
baby boy. What you do truly changes lives in ways. I hope still surprise and motivate you. I hope to contribute more to this show now that I opened the barrier. John, that's a beautiful letter. And I'm so glad that we had anything to do with you doing better. And I will not take credit but give credit to radio. Radio is a magical thing, and that is one of the reasons I wanted to be on the radio so bad. I worked so hard at it because it worked its
magic for me. When I was growing up, we had the radio on all the time, and the people on the radio sounded like friends. And back then radio was different. It wasn't goofy, wacky, silly, you know, controversial. War of the Roses silly thing. It was just people on the radio that did a good job of making you feel like you were a friend. It included in the conversation, and I love that. That is the magic of radio,
and a podcast kind of can do that. But if you're listening to a podcast that somebody recorded four weeks ago or four years ago, it's not quite the same. It's like an audio book. It's not a bad thing. But when you're listening to a radio station that's right there that talks about the shows that you also watched last night, talks about the roads that you also drove on. And I think the great thing about our show is
there's somebody who relates to somebody on the show. In other words, if you watch Friends, maybe you related most to Rachel or maybe if you watched Let's Go Way Back, maybe your favorite character on Gilligan's Island was the Skipper. So I think on our show, there's like somebody that you're going to pick out and relate to. And I personally never lose sight of the fact of how much you mean to us, And I hope that comes through
in the way we do the show. Because a lot of radio stations are like, well, they're listeners, their numbers. We've heard them called clampers, to prize pigs, to all kinds of insulting names, and it pisses me off because you're no different than me if I was on the other side, So we always respect that. Thank you, John.
Yeah, John, we're happy you're here. We're glad you're here.
Yeah, super much better.
And I need to see that picture that he said.
I'll swing it around and I'll show it to you that it's adorable, little chubby, little bald headed baby boy. Thank you, John, Thank you for your emails and for listening to the Minnesota Goodbye. You want to send an email, love to hear what you have to say. Send Send it to Ryan Show at kadiwb dot com