¶ How to Have Hard Conversations
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Welcome back everyone to Dates , mates and Babies with the Valetins . We're back , babe .
We sure are Glad to be back . Hope you guys are having a great summer . We are hot in Reading . It has been record breaking temperatures . But we're inside so we're okay .
And we've had a great year so far . We just got back from a little bit of vacation . We took the kids to the Destruction Derby , which , if you guys have not seen a Destruction Derby before , we highly recommend it . It's basically where cars crash into each other .
Yeah , he's talking about our 4th of July week . It was pretty small town , epic , but today we're here on Dates , mates and Babies with Valetins , and our topic , you guys , today is actually inspired by recent conversations we've had with friends . But we're going to talk about how to have hard conversations today .
And you know , the thing is is , you know this , there's no way to actually avoid having hard conversations inside of a relationship where there's any kind of depth . If you've got depth of relationship , you're having hard conversations or you're having hard feelings because you're not having those hard conversations .
You know , and we know we've talked about this on the podcast and other episodes but we know that it's not conflict that destroys connection , but the behavior inside of conflict . So , simply , you know , probably underlying truth is that having hard conversations can actually produce good results in a , in a relationship .
It can actually improve connection If you know how to have hard conversations as well . Uh , we've talked about how , when you start a conversation , how you start that conversation determines how it's going to end with like 80% accuracy , I believe .
So , with all that in mind , we want to talk a little bit about how to have conversations in a way that actually builds connection , and I think that , um , when I say hard conversation , uh , today I'm talking about kind of those like pebble in your shoe things that happen . You know a hard conversation can be anything from .
You know , I'm bothered by something that you do and I have to confront it , or else I just feel frustrated inside all the time . Or we see differently about how something should be done . You know that could be at work , that could be inside a friendship or family , that could be inside of your marriage .
Um , I feel disappointed by something and I need to tell you , because I'm just sitting here in this disappointment and I don't know what to do with it . I'm just feeling sad . Or you know , we , one of us , had an expectation and it wasn't met , so we're frustrated .
Uh , I mean , like , honestly , roommates , you know you don't have chores delegated and so tension is high . Or you've got a kid who's not taking care of their responsibility . It needs to be addressed . All these things that are like these are not earth shattering types of conversations .
But if you don't know how to have these kinds of conversations really well , then over time your connection erodes inside of your relationship because these kinds of conversations this is just what it means to be human .
You have these kinds of experiences in relationship on every level , and if you don't , you know if you've , if these kinds of conversations feel really hard , then we have to figure out how to have them in a way that builds connection .
You know , I think people avoid having hard conversations because , well , probably for a bunch of different reasons , but maybe they don't actually trust that the outcome is going to be good , or you're afraid of being misunderstood , or you don't want to make somebody uncomfortable , like there's a lot of reasons why we avoid having hard conversations .
But ultimately , what we have to know , you guys , is that hard conversations , if done well , actually build connection .
There's , I mean , so much of life when you , when you go through that list , right , so when you go , when you went back through that list of , I'm bothered by something you do or we see differently about , about an area that we have to make a decision on . Yeah . Um , or my expectations weren't met .
The truth is like when I go through my my different relationships , from you to the kids , to my working relationships , even my best friends like that's everywhere yeah . Those , those types of emotions , feelings , needs , you know , frustrations , they're everywhere . Yes .
And I think it's really important to highlight this type of stuff , like if you're driving right now or you're sitting in your home and listening to this , like think through that list for a second and think through how many times in a week or in a month or a day yeah , or in a day you're actually having a need , having a feeling , having a desire that you
are needing to talk about , and the your ability to address these really dictates the quality of your life .
Oh yeah .
It's the difference between being able to deepen and build and live in real like peace and joy , and feeling trapped um wanting to avoid feeling like uh , to avoid feeling like frustrated , constantly frustrated . Yeah . And building these , you know , like enemies in your mind , and so I really think like this is key because it's everywhere . Yes .
And we don't get a lot of training on how to do this stuff .
No , so it's true .
You know , I think the first thing to me is you have to look at what you believe to be true about conflict , and what I mean by this is for so many people , conflict means something different . Conflict , conflict in a lot of homes was war .
You get into a conflict and somebody there's going to be a winner , there's going to be a loser , and so when conflict starts to happen if you didn't , if you haven't ever really thought about this , like if conflict was war in your home , when you start to get into a conflict , you actually get a , a release of adrenaline .
I mean , you get like you're the same thing that you would use to fight a bear , the same thing you'd use to to , you know , win a battle . That's what you're getting released into your body when you get into a conflict with someone that you love .
That's a really interesting thing to have happen because of what you've experienced in the past or what you believe to be true , and so if , if that's your starting point , you're gonna have to address that , that and start to talk yourself through like , okay , hold on . I was taught that this is war .
I was taught that there's a winner and a loser , but that's not actually true . I don't want to believe this . The other thing is if you were taught that conflict is shameful , then you avoid it , or conflict is something , uh , then you avoid it or you know conflict is something to avoid .
If your parents never shared their feelings , they never , uh , early , even just one of your parents that you really look up to didn't ever confront or shamed you for confronting . We don't , just we don't I'm thinking about a family specifically in my mind , like we don't talk about hard things . Yeah . We brush them under the rug , we minimize them ?
Uh , we avoid them . Then you internalize everything and you just avoid it . You take your feelings and your emotions and you pretend like they don't matter and you slowly die this death . Yeah . And so again , you'd have to confront that . Yeah . So what is conflict ? Well , conflict is an opportunity for us to come together . It's an opportunity for us to build .
Whether I'm having a conflict with the owner of a bank and I'm working through something , whether I'm having a conflict with my son whether . I'm having conflict with a coworker or you , babe , like this is an opportunity for connection , it's an opportunity for understanding .
It's an opportunity for us to solve a problem , for us to come together or for us to to decide that that's not going to happen . Yeah . And not every conflict ends ends in a fairy tale .
Yeah , or even in agreement .
¶ Navigating Conflict With Core Values
I think conflict it highlights our differences . It does , like conflicts highlight our individuality , conflict . Actually , you know , I want to live in a family system and I want to live inside of friendship circles where I'm allowed to be autonomous . I want to be an individual inside of our family unit .
I want to be me inside of my friendships and if I want to feel like myself , if I want to be free to bring all of myself to our family or to my friendships , then I can expect to have conflict , because we get into conflicts when our autonomy or our individuality is highlighted , when what makes us specifically us and different to the other people in my life .
You know , conflict highlights those things and so it's actually a , it's a natural byproduct of being an individual inside of any relationship being unique . Yeah , being unique .
I remember the first time I really went against something that my dad thought that I should do , and not as like a young boy , but as a grown man .
And not in defiance , but in a way that you chose . You made a decision as an adult .
I went through school of ministry for two years and then I was thinking through okay , what do I do next ? You know I went through school ministry for two years and then I was thinking through okay , what do I do next ? You know I'm 21 years old 22 years old , no , 21 years old and my dad and I were starting to think through what's next .
You know , and he's like you should you should be a youth pastor . You know , you should get into the ministry , which is cool . I enjoyed school ministry . My dad is a pastor . I'd been in ministry at my church for a long time just serving , and so I started applying for jobs .
Well , I got this other opportunity to become a firefighter a wildland firefighter and to work with one of my dad's good friends and to be one of his crew bosses . I didn't know how to do it . It was really dangerous , but it sounded really exciting and fun . And I remember sitting down and talking to my dad about it and he was like he was very kind .
He listened to me and he said I don't think that's a good idea . You know , you've got a young family , your kids are young .
And I said , okay , you know , and I went back and I thought about it and I prayed about it , I talked to my wife about it and we just felt a lot of peace and joy and I felt a lot of excitement on it and so I took it and my dad was really disappointed , that's the truth Like he was really disappointed . Things that happened is um .
My dad never let my decision to do something different dictate our relationship and how much he helped me in it . I call them every week . He was there for me . He helped me learn how to lead . Six months later he said this is the best decision you've ever made . Wow yeah .
And I just remember being like , oh my gosh , this is amazing because it didn't hurt our relationship .
It built our relationship stronger because of our value system inside of relationship , and you know when we're talking about um , when you're talking about doing conflict , I think you need a set of core values that that you carry around inside of communication yeah and this core value system works again , whether you're talking to a teller at the bank or whether you're
talking to your best friend , this value system is what helps you to guide your life , and so to me , it's like it's values , like you matter , and so do I .
Like I'm standing in front of a human being who has real feelings , real emotions , has a real life , who who's really valuable , and that dictates a conversation that I'm having with them , regardless of how frustrated I am . And then you know people deserve to feel cared for and loved , no matter what .
That value again goes back to Jesus is standing in front of someone who is slandering him , who is having a really bad day , who's being mean , and he's not treating them horribly , he's actually going .
You are acting outside of your character , but you still deserve to , to feel cared for and loved , regardless um the core value that I'm responsible for my feelings and my actions yeah right .
Nobody else can make me behave in a certain way in a conflict yeah , that's right , which is massive , yeah , and then to me , like this one's really key , I'll keep assumptions out of the conversation .
So to me , if , if you allow assumption and um , we often call it a discernment in in the Christian community like , ooh , I discern , but most often our discernment is based in fear and therefore it becomes an assumption . Yeah .
And the problem with an assumption is that it leads to a bunch of judgment , pre-judgment , and so it keeps us really from having a conversation where we're ready to learn . And so , to me , those core values , right .
You're first addressing how you see conflict and changing that and then coming into , uh , building into your life a set of values that help you navigate these hard conversations .
Yeah , I think it's important that you know we can only control . We have control over only us , right ? We only have control over ourselves , and so we really need to have an internal framework for how we are going to operate .
When conversations are hard , I'm the one that decides how I behave inside of hard conversations and I have zero control over how the other person behaves or what the outcome is . So , yeah , I agree , I think these are like guardrails , these are the bumpers on the bowling lane .
You decide ahead of time whether you're playing with bumpers or not , and when it comes to hard conversations , determining ahead of time what you will and won't do is really helpful . Um , those core values should guide us in , uh , how we , how we engage in hard conversations and when we decide to have hard conversations .
So , with that set of core values kind of and you , you know , add , add the ones that feel important to you , but with those core values in mind and with those kind of bumpers on the lane , I think there's probably five or so keys to having hard conversations in a really productive way . So we could probably unpack those a little bit .
The first is going off of what you just said . Uh , leave your assumptions about motives at the door . Specifically , it's really easy to see a situation from my perspective . Right , it's actually really hard . It's hard to see a situation from another person's perspective , because you're not the other person .
So don't try , you know , because you're not the other person , so don't try , you know . I think there's always another side . And and the problem is is that we rarely assume the best when our emotions are high .
It's part of our survival , it's part of our our , you know , kind of instinctive need to self-protect is that we don't actually assume the best when our emotions are high . So we can't go in having decided why somebody does what they do or what's happening inside of them when this thing is happening . For you , Like we , that's not our job .
We have to leave our assumptions about motives at the door . And I will tell you the probably the worst outcomes for me in conflict of any kind and I can think back to childhood . I'm thinking about my mom , right , I'm thinking about how my mom . It was important to her that we cleaned the house every Saturday .
She cleaned her house top to bottom every Saturday . I couldn't handle it , I hated it . And when I'd wake up on Saturday morning and I would be told to clean my room when my room was perfectly fine because we dusted it last Saturday , I just felt crazy on the inside . I remember as a kid feeling like what this is so dumb ?
And in my mind every time I would confront her about how I felt about that it was because I had decided that she wanted to control me instead of let me have fun . Like I just decided that her motive was to control me and that she didn't want me to have any fun and that she was trying to , you know , be in charge or whatever .
And that actually wasn't the case at all . She was trying really hard to figure out how to keep a core value of hers , which was , you know , contribution and work ethic in the house .
And you know , whatever the point being , we don't ever assume the best when we're super frustrated with somebody , and the outcomes of those conversations are a hundred percent never going to go well If we go into the conflict deciding ahead of time what somebody else's motives were .
It's one of the biggest mistakes that I've made in counseling . Um , embarrassingly , um is , it's happens .
A lot is I hear one side of the story and when I was younger , a lot of times I would give advice just from that angle , without thinking about what's the possibility , what are the other possibilities , what would have caused this , what would have happened and and given some really bad advice to people and only to have to circle back and go gosh , if I would
have heard the other story or even thought through . So now , as a counselor , I often think through okay , or I'll give advice .
I'll literally say this hey , I know that there's two sides of the story , so if what you're telling me is exactly how it is , then here's the possibilities you know , here's probably what you should do , but I would caution you that there's probably more to this story .
Totally . I want to mention one thing , and this is maybe more for , like , leadership type relationships , but one thing that I've seen happen , even in our environment , as leaders , as pastors , as people who you know lead big teams and work with people that make messes and all of it is , you know , in our culture there is a value for discernment .
There's a value for discernment and when I'm leading a group of people or I've got somebody on my team who's making a mess in some arena , often I feel like I watch , I watch people and I've done this myself where I use my quote gift of discernment to actually identify a problem , or I have discernment about how something is going that needs changing , and I
don't stop there and I let my discernment quote discernment also try to tell me about the motive . And I want to caution us as leaders of people in those kinds of relationships . I rarely see discernment completely accurate when it comes to other , when it comes to motives on the like let me give an example .
Oh for sure .
Is um or not , a specific example , but like a category of an example , is our job isn't ? Is actually like even biblically our job is not to be the judge . So anytime that we assert ourself into the seat of judgment , I don't see , I don't see people correct very often when they insert themselves into the into the seat of the judge .
Now we might have there might be a behavior or a change that needs to be made on a practical level . There probably is a lot of room for a confrontation to happen . But when we go into those confrontations , having already judged the person and decided what , their motive is you're wrong . You're almost always wrong . And I think I see leaders
¶ Effective Communication in Conflict Resolution
make that mistake a lot .
The main key . Okay , so I want to do . I want to um the the main thing is , when you come into conflict , into a hard conversation , you have to come in ready to learn and listen . Right .
And so number one leave your assumption at the door .
Number two be ready to learn and seek to understand . Yeah , Because if if you're not there ready to learn and listen , then you're not actually in a conversation . No you're in a . You're in a . What do they call it ? A monologue ? You're you're like there's only one person talking . There's only one person that's dictate . It's a dictatorship , right Like .
I'm here to tell you what's happening , what the judgment is , what needs to happen .
Yeah .
And that's not a relationship right .
It's not .
And no one likes to be uh dictated to .
No .
And so to me , like it's awesome , it feels so good when things are taught a thing . There's some tension and somebody says , hey , can you help me understand Right ? Um , help me understand what happened . And they do it from a place of love . Yeah .
You know that they're frustrated , you know that they're , you know they're a little bit angry and they say hey , help me understand I . I just I don't actually feel like I understand really what happened . Can you share with me where you're at and why that happened ?
Absolutely , if you can do that , where you're at and why that happened , absolutely , if you can do that . The key is to help the other person feel heard , feel known , feel seen . Because here's the truth is people don't care what you say until they feel heard , yeah , until they feel known , until they feel understood . And .
I've used this at the school of ministry . I had to do this all the time because I remember I had a couple of students who drank alcohol at Simpson College and just being young , yeah . And the previous year I had had a student of mine take advantage of another student and I'd brought him into my office . A guy had he .
She had felt like he had forced himself on her in the sense of like taking her to the lake . She didn't have a car . He kept her there for a long time . He kissed her . She didn't like the kiss , whatever , and it was a . It was not a fun situation .
Yeah , that's a problem .
I brought him in and I punished him . I did , I tried to tear him down and I learned a lesson from that . I realized like six months later he came and he said that was the hardest , like that was actually the worst leadership experience I've ever had .
I didn't feel cared for , I didn't feel like you even asked me what happened to me and I remember I actually this is the honest truth I told him to his face yeah , I did . I wasn't trying to listen to you . I didn't even try to hear where you're from . I literally just assumed that what she told me was true , it was true .
Yeah , cause she was in my group , yeah , and so I had to apologize to him . Okay , fast forward . I have these , these young people that are drinking alcohol at breaking some rules . Breaking rules , yeah , mark takes four of them , I take four of them , there's eight of them , and I started from the place of learning . Help me understand what happened .
Help me understand why you did it . Help me understand what you , because the truth is they didn't even know why they did it . I had this girl , mal . She didn't know why she drank the alcohol . She was like I don't know . So I had to ask her questions like well , were you so thirsty that you just had to have alcohol right now ?
Were you thinking Miller Lite's so good that if I don't drink alcohol right now , were you thinking Miller Lite's so good that if I don't drink it right now , I'm going to miss out and be regretful Come to find out ? I had to lead her down the path of like . Or did you think , did you want to feel a part of something ? Did you want ?
to feel like you belonged . When she left my office , she felt cared for , she felt known , she felt understood , because I came in there to learn her yeah I learned her past , I learned what happened at her home , I learned how her dad treated her and I started to to realize I see myself okay . So I , in this , I saw myself as a help .
Yeah , I'm coming in there to help to understand . So when , when we talk about seek to understand as as the key , like I really need to understand when you're going through , when I come home and you're frustrated , I've got two options , three options . I can leave , I can try to avoid that .
I can try to get you to change your frustration , like , why are you frustrated ? We have everything's , everything's fine . Or I can really understand why you are the way that you are , what's happening , and be a help to that .
Yeah , I would say those first two keys leave your assumptions at the door and seek to understand . Those are two things that I did not do great in um , in the first part of our marriage , when we were raising the big kids . I didn't do those two things good . Well , in parenting it's hard .
It's hard to leave your assumptions at the door and seek to understand when you feel really responsible for other people . So the stakes feel really responsible for other people . Yeah , so the stakes feel really high when it feels like it's my job to keep this ship on the rails .
So in leadership or in a household where you're parenting a group of kids , it's really hard , the stakes feel high and and so when emotions get high , it's really hard to not make assumptions and it's really hard to seek to understand .
But those two things I would say if I could do anything differently in parenting our first round of kiddos , it would have been to get better at that . Those two things . Yeah , it would have changed the game of conflict in our house .
Well , what it does is it changes the temperature of the conversation . That's right , the it's , it is a regulator , right . It's like people start out , we all start out with some fear , some adrenaline . So and you can't have unless you're an Olympic level communicator you can't have a real helpful conversation when you're just doused in fear .
No , it's very hard , totally . So as soon as you go , uh , as soon as you leave your assumption and you come in learning in , hey , you know , why don't you start , why don't you share ? Yeah , tell me what was going on , you know , tell me what you're experiencing .
All of a sudden , yeah , tell me what was going on , you know , tell me what you're experiencing .
All of a sudden it's a temperature changes and that's that's huge . That leads us to our third point , which is a soft startup . And I want to say , like with that example of in parenting , I used to lead with my assumptions . I would start the conversation with my assumptions , which means I would start the conversation .
It's which means I would start the conversation . It's like I turned up the thermostat in our house to boiling temperature .
I'd start with my assumption and my accusation and then , because I actually really do care and because we actually had pretty solid relationships with our kids , we would get to the bottom of it and we would get there , but it was through a lot of unnecessary heat and sweat and tension . And so that third key , a soft startup .
Oh my gosh , you save yourself so much energy and so much relational equity by having a soft startup instead of leading with your assumption and your accusation . Do you want to talk about soft startups ?
Yeah , so how you start a conversation right Just decides
¶ Effective Communication in Conflict Resolution
how it ends . With 80% accuracy , the key to this is how do you want this to end ? You literally have to ask yourself how do I want this conversation to end ? Okay , If you want it to end with them feeling cared for and loved and known and seen because you're talking to your wife , then start that way .
Yeah , so um , and you can literally , if you take time to think through your startup , listen until you get really good at doing this . You need to , like , write it down . You need a pre plan for your startup . So , come in . I could come in and say , um hey , I know last night felt really challenging for both of us .
I want , I want you to feel cared for by me . I want you to feel heard and seen and I want to . I want to feel like I'm on your team too . Is it okay if we try that conversation again and you can talk me through why you're feeling the way that you're feeling ? That's a soft startup right there , or your kids come home .
They haven't done it , they're getting bad grades right and you know like you think it's because they haven't , they're lazy or whatever . This is me growing up . If you sit down and you say , hey , it seems like school's challenging for you , it seems like you're having a hard time . Can you explain to me what's happening ? What's going on where you're at ?
What are the difficult things for you ? Yeah . And , excuse me , that's a soft startup right . Yeah . I want you to feel successful at school . I want you to feel like you can do it and I'm here to help you . Let's talk through it . Oftentimes we approach that with it's not okay to get Fs and you can't not do your homework , and you right .
Here's all the reasons why you're failing , here's all the reasons why you're not doing good . And some of those reasons may be true , but you have to do it from a place where they can hear you . Yeah , Great question to ask yourself . Can they hear me ? Yeah , okay . That's good . Number four is to talk about yourself and not about the other person .
Yeah , so in having a hard conversation after your soft startup , you lead with what's going on for you . So this is actually actually this is what you do . Even before you seek to understand , you let somebody know what's happening for you .
Man , I went outside this morning and there were some tools on the back patio and some remnants of wood that had been used to build something .
True story guys Real time .
Here I am confronting Jay right now having a hard conversation . That's great . Went outside this morning . Kids were playing on the back patio .
Liam was wielding around a five-pound wrench , edie was trying to dominate him with a piece of wood that had been used for a project trying to dominate him with , like a piece of wood that had been used for a project and I walked out and I felt a scared that my kids were going to annihilate one another with the power tools that were left out .
And then my secondary emotion was I felt frustrated that , uh , the tools hadn't been put away after they'd been used . And can you help me understand slash ? Can we decide together what we'll do with our tools , as we have toddlers running around the house ?
Yeah , a hundred percent , babe . That would feel frustrating , I can understand that .
I'm telling Jay about me . I'm telling him how I felt this morning . I'm not assuming that he meant to leave them out because he wants to bug me or because he doesn't care about our kids' safety .
I'm not telling him you always do this .
You make me so mad when you dot dot dot . No , we're not going to have that conversation . We're going to talk about ourselves .
Yeah , and that's a big key because , um , we , there's a little piece of us that always wants to punish that and again it comes from that place of assumption and self-protection self-protection really is .
I'm afraid you're not going to value what matters to me .
And I want you to feel bad about what you did . Yeah . So we do that a lot with our kids . Um , if we're not careful , I want you to feel bad and you need to feel . If you feel bad , you won't do it again , totally , which is not true I can promise you , it's not true Right . But ?
But coming in talking about yourself is so hard , one of the hardest things to do , but most effective , right ? Because I can hear when she's talking about her . I can hear . Yeah . That's , that's the . That's the key that you need to ask yourself again . I'll say it again . That's the key that you need to ask yourself Again .
I'll say it again Can they hear you when Lauren talks about me ? I can't hear her when she says you always leave this stuff out because you're blah , blah , blah . Now I'm defending myself . I have to work so hard to actually hear her because I'm having to defend myself in my mind it's a judgment . I don't want to be judged , okay .
The last one is to look for win-wins . Try to avoid a win-lose man . If you're doing win-lose , somebody's losing and you don't want to lose . So we , you know we often put that lose on on our partner or on our boss or on somebody else . Work hard to get a win-win in a relationship , even with your kids , who are struggling , you know at school it's hey .
Help me understand why I'm really struggling . Is homework super hard for you ? I'm not actually understanding what's happening at school . Or you know , I have such a passion to play sports and I feel good at it . I don't feel good at school . Well , let's talk about how we can both win . Yeah . Let's talk about how we can both win .
Yeah , let's talk about how this , this can work for for both of us , cause I feel responsible for you to learn and grow , yeah , and I really want you to do your things that you feel successful at .
Totally .
You know , if we come to relationships with this win-win in mind and this idea that my kids are not like me , lauren is not like me , our kids are not Lauren . You know , edie has a lot of tendencies that Lauren has as far as like planning and even at a young age , her detail oriented mind but she's not Lauren . No .
And Liam is not Lauren , you know , and Liam's not me . So the way that he's going to navigate life and his desires and what really matters to him , it's going to be different than mine , right , but I also have a responsibility and so we're going to have to find win-wins lots and lots , and lots of win-wins that really work for both of us .
I think you know , in a hard conversation , when you're confronting somebody about something or you're sharing a hard feeling that you're having , we um part of looking for a win-win is is believing that the other person has needs too . So , um , a win-win I mean it's not . It's not always , you know . You know you want to .
You want to go to the swimming pool today and I want to go to the lake . Let's find a win-win . I mean obviously those , there's those kinds of win-wins . But a win-win is also like a mindset .
When I come to you and I initiate a hard conversation , I'm looking for a win-win in the conversation because I'm assuming I'm actually not the only person that has a need , I'm not the only person that has a feeling .
You know , this would be especially true in like a roommate scenario right , where you've got like a house full of people and you're working on how to delegate household responsibilities and make sure stuff's taken care of .
If I feel frustrated about how the kitchen is being kept up , I mean , lord , this happens in our house If I'm feeling frustrated about how the kitchen is being kept up , and I want you know we have to have a hard conversation about it . I'm assuming you have a feeling about that too . I'm looking for a win-win in that .
I'm not the only person in this house that has a need . I just believe that that's my default mindset . So , guys , hopefully this is helpful . Those are some , some keys to having these hard conversations .
I love the idea that we would , you know , as a culture , actually adopt the , the mindset that conflict and hard conversations actually are fruit of individuality and autonomy , which is to be celebrated , and that conflict and hard conversations can actually build connection between us . It's true . Hopefully this is helpful for you guys , yeah .
Um , listen , I have a quick announcement . Oh great , so I have a fly fishing retreat coming up .
Yes , you do .
And gosh , what are the dates for that ?
August 15th .
Yeah , so August 15th through the 18th here in Redding California we actually do it at my dad's farmhouse , and so you'd come in on Thursday the 15th and have dinner .
¶ Exclusive Men's Fly Fishing Retreat
This is a men's only event , by the way . It's a men's only event .
I only have nine spots left , but it's really an awesome event . So my dad will come out and hang out with us . I have a chef coming in to prepare really incredible meals . We do two days on the river fly fishing with guided fishing , yeah , guided fishing . So , uh , the guide will actually teach you how to fly fish .
If you don't know how , if you're interested in jumping in and look and hearing more about it , um , just send me a uh , either a DM on Instagram or send me an email . You can just Jason dot valentine at Bethelcom or whatever . It's great , yeah , and I'll tell you more about that .
Otherwise have a good week .
Awesome week , guys . We will see you next week .