Discovering the Essence of Joy

It's about understanding and it's about empowerment so that you can take control of your life in this challenging world . So what do you say ? Let's dive in . Hi everybody , this is Shemena again , and today I want to talk about something that's a little different , kind of unique , but I want to talk about joy .

Just the other day , I met with someone kind of like a potential client , and one of the things that she said that really stood out for me was . . "I don't know the last time I felt a sense of joy in my life .

I don't even know if I know what it feels like , and in that moment when I heard her utter these words , my heart felt what she said , and then also , on the other hand , I started to think about what it feels like to experience joy . I think a lot of people don't really think about . What does joy really feel like ?

When was the last time you felt pure , unadulterated joy ? And also what made you conscious of that feeling ? I've always felt that joy usually floods the mind and the body when everything in life feels acceptable and stable .

You like your job , your relationships are good with family , in family , platonic relationships , both platonic and intimate relationships like even your health is good , you feel , on some level , content and satisfied with life . I've always felt that joy is something much more than happiness .

Like , happiness is a fleeting emotional reaction , but joy , on the other hand , is a little bit more persistent . It's almost spiritual . It's a spiritual sensation that endures way beyond just the moment . I think feeling joy entails living in the moment and embracing life at its fullest .

Joy is understanding the true essence of life and in our society and culture it's about working hard . There's this emphasis on doing and performing and trying really hard , and to resist that kind of culture it takes a herculean effort .

You don't have to be in the position where the doing and the performing and the constant trying starts to have an outsized influence on how you choose to live your life , because it can become very anxiety-filled when you start to come up with rationalizations and different thoughts of why you should continue down the same road , and sometimes it's even to the point

of exhaustion , when anxiety and fears are driving the vehicle . It's not a conscious part of you that has a sense of reality of your own life . And then there's this idea that if I'm content with what I have and I've cultivated from myself , then that means I'm being lazy , or maybe I'm being mediocre .

Again , these are rationalizations that I say to myself , and it's like you become like a real estate developer who builds one building and then now I feel like I need to take over the block . Why , why , why are you doing these things ?

Because these unconscious forces of what to do , what you should do , who you are , they can easily move you to a place where you're not in control . It's like having ghosts in your head telling you what to do . This idea of being superwoman , superman , ends up being too much and can lead you to a place of exhaustion .

I think learning to experience a sense of joy of one's own accomplishments and what you've created for yourself , it's about empowerment that can help you heal the deeper wounds of history . It's so vital . I'm here to tell you that and let you know that you are allowed to find joy and happiness in your life and start living as such .

One of the primary reasons joy has become so important to me is that as a black woman in this world , from the moment I was born , I was told on a macro and a micro level how I should think about myself , how I should behave . I was told to quiet down a lot . You're too loud , you're too much , you're too bright . I internalize those statements as fact .

When they were only someone else's projections . Those statements hampered my sense of finding joy in every sense of my being . I had to make a conscious effort to say to myself that I wanted to decide how to live my life and choose how I wanted to think about myself . I was told too many times growing up better to be safe than sorry .

How many times have you heard that Better to be safe than sorry ? Sometimes the risk of losing feels too much , so we end up sabotaging ourselves and we lose it ourselves so that we can avoid feeling the plank pain of that loss , like you end up working against yourself .

If I convince myself that I really don't want it , then I'm safe from feeling disappointed and hurt . The constant contact with that kind of trauma , like with a small "T , lives inside of us and manifests in waves that are not easy to spot . They're slowly etching away at your peace your sense of being and how you behave .

Think about how many times you may have said this silently to yourself when you really , really want to take a giant leap into uncharted areas . Better to be safe than sorry . But what I realize is it's a lot of fear fear of feeling pleasure and joy . I'm discussing this because many people fear experiencing joy .

How many times have you felt joyful at something awesome , like an awesome , great time in your life , and then you suddenly felt afraid .

And I'm not saying it's that kind of primal fear that you experience when you're watching a Stephen King movie or you hear a strange noise outside your window at midnight , but instead it's the anxiety within is more like a sense of dread , a sense of unease . It's like when is the other shoe going to drop ?

The fear of losing what you've accomplished , maybe people around you or just those moments that bring you so much joy is what stops you from being vulnerable and allowing yourself to experience this firework moment .

Joy is one of the most vulnerable emotions a human can feel , because when you experience joy , there is an opening up of oneself to the experience or to another person , and when we allow ourselves to experience it fully , we are in a vulnerable state .

And when we fear that takes over because we don't want to feel as opposite , which is the pain of the loss , we believe that in our state of blissful joy , something bad's going to happen . It's like climbing up a beautiful hill to catch the view of the sunset , but then becoming afraid and running back down to the bottom for safety .

It's the fear of the unknown , an uncertainty that you become all too familiar with . You know what would be easiest to not allow yourself to be vulnerable to people or to your experiences . I thought of this before . But without that kind of vulnerability , without being completely present or all in , you wouldn't get a chance to experience what joy feels like .

Feels like never eating an orange and not knowing what it tastes like , or a mandarin , and then finally taking a bite and realizing "Wow , it's so sweet . Joy , like other emotions , is a feeling . Feelings pass from moment to moment and , yes , the joy isn't going to stay forever , but neither will pain , fear, or anxiety . These emotions pass too .

You know , if we never allow ourselves the opportunity to experience joy , to be present in our emotional experiences . It becomes a loss for yourself because this world is full of choices , opportunities, and meaningful experiences just waiting for you to seize and enjoy . But you can do it without the fear .

Now I'm getting close to wrapping up and you know I wanted to give again . Turn the lens on you to ask yourself some questions . Have a moment of reflection , like what brings you joy ? When have you self-sabotaged because that felt better to you than experiencing your life as being content and joyful ?

And , last but not least , how can you start from this moment , learning how to create more joy in your life and being present ? Thank you for tuning in . That's all I got for today . I'll catch you next time . Be well , I hope you enjoyed this episode of Dark Matters with Dr . Shemena . Thank you for listening in . You can find me at shemenajohnson . com .

All the links of where you can find me are in the show summary . Come back often and make sure you subscribe , rate, and review because I'd love to hear your comments and remember either you deal with your feelings or they deal with you . See you guys soon .