Hi , this is Dr Shemina Johnson of the podcast Dark Matters with my new series called Breaking Through . In this series , we will dive into those areas that will help you to engage in a self exploration about the influence of family patterns and also how to develop internal resources for change . So here's to Breaking Through .
In my practice , I work with adult individuals and couples , and a lot of the couples work ends up being individual work , and the reason for that is because , in order to have the kind of relationship that reaches happily ever after , it does involve a personal metamorphosis . You know , individuals in my practice are also from various backgrounds and sexual orientations .
Some are psychologically oriented and for some , being in therapy is a first time experience . But the one theme that I have discovered and witnessed and observed in my practice is that many people have learned to find ways to cope with stress , anxiety and depression in ways that deprive themselves of the emotional sustenance that they need .
When I went through my own psychological rebirth , where I had to question and investigate the ineffective and harmful ways I learned to cope with stressors . It was a combination of learned behaviors from family , culture and society .
I didn't even realize that I had been experiencing anxiety and bouts of depression until my late twenties , which is longer than I had imagined . It was a revelatory moment for me because in that moment I realized that I could help myself . So I got into therapy and I started educating myself .
Besides the anxiety and depression I have been experiencing , I also developed this kind of hardness about me . I didn't know how to be emotionally sensitive or self-aware of my actions . I had learned to be invulnerable , and the more invulnerable you are , the harsher and harder you are with others and even to yourself .
The model of strength and being invulnerable is what I learned . I learned from family , I learned from my culture . I got the message that you can bend , you can shift and you may even explode , but you never break down .
In a lot of ways it was a valuable coping mechanism because , especially when you grow up in tough environments where there's consequences to expressing emotions , not just with family but also in the world at large , but it can also be ineffective when you become an adult and you engage in intimate and platonic relationships from a place of defense , and also when
you're starting to grow in your career , you end up robbing yourself of the care and kindness that was needed years ago . The acknowledgement of these realizations can become breakthroughs in your ability to heal .
If you've only had the model of invulnerability , rather than someone as vulnerable with needs , then how can you see yourself as a whole person and begin to heal ? Everything is when you understand the ineffective parts of yourself .
This is the beginning , a brief intro to a series of episodes that I'll produce to help you learn how to break through and dive into those areas that will help you get in touch with your needs , your fears and pain .
Engage in a self exploration about the influence of family , why you do the things you do , how to change harmful patterns and develop the internal resources for change , because I do believe there is power in understanding ourselves in light of our circumstances . Stay tuned .