Episode 96: I Don't Do Math

Gambling was something that I did.

This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

One of my bookies died at the kitchen Table.

A podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling.

One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat.

And now join my Bad Larry, Shayan Irving and Dylan the graphics guy.

I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick.

Alrighty, let's introduce our contestants for this week. It's Dylan who's leading with plus twenty one units. Bad Larry with plus seven. He won three units last week, and we're gonna go.

We're gonna go over those three minutes I won last.

Larry Larry, let me do the introduction.

Oh okay, I just I just got a text from rant and I won three units last week. I think he's I'm gonna have to go back through this whole the whole season.

Oh my god, Larry Larry, will you shut up per second? Shae Shay, who joins this I think from Germany or Austria, same thing, plus six units. He won two units last week. Do you have any gripes discrepancy?

Shay? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, I got a lot, Danny.

Okay, do you want to tell me or like, no, I'm just talking about.

Yea literalty gave up like liberty. Liberty gave up like seventeen freaking points in the fourth quarter to not cover by a point and a half. That was a crock of shit.

Okay, wait, well, I just want to know if the total why we're off the rails early here. I just want to make sure that your plus six is real.

Oh, I have no idea, Okay, I don't do all right?

All right, Larry, you want to bitch? Go ahead?

Yeah, I won my three three unit three team teams. I don't have my picks in front of me, daw, I'm in the.

Car, But here we go.

Seven. I bet him up seven units six for seven hours. You guys want to give me three?

This is e me. I didn't put your teaser in there, Larry. That's that's on me.

Okay, So you're upset.

Oh there's three to six okay, And I want to make sure now because on my sheet that I sent in, I didn't take the Washington game, and Bilan jumped onto Washington getting sixteen and a half and he lost it, and I have no no liability there.

Okay, Ray, could you lose your job during the podcast here?

No raise my man. So I'm sticking up for Red.

No, you just called him out and said he screwed up.

It's looking likely today.

Okay, all right, okay?

What is Larry's on your side?

And I only saw your text like a minute ago, and I would have called you on the side, and m he's got me running and I got to go vacuum in her car now, I don't know. Every once in a while she is just say you're Wining's not my it's not my roommate, it's my wife. And so I got I got, I got stuff to do. So Ray, I smile, I apologize, right, but I knew I won six or seven units? Okay, hold on, you shocked me with the three numbs.

What what is Larry's total? Is it ten?

It is ten?

Okay?

So so and raised defense. Larry sends in his fucking picks like the unibomber every week, and it's kind of hard to keep track of a nap bloody napkin and upside down it is.

I it is crazy what I write them down and then I send you a picture of it. I've got some new technology to.

Me guys writing.

Let me make sure we have a shay. Where are you? What country are you in?

Austria? Danny?

Okay, you want to recap anything?

I have to go home early. The roommate and the kids are staying back with my parents. I've been banished from Austria.

Is your might?

I might come up next week then if you're alone?

Wait?

Is is your arently?

I am quote unquote a liability in Europe. Uh, things haven't been going great for me, but a line battle lines have been drawn, Danny.

You are being exported from Austria by your family?

Yeah? Yeah, they told me to get back to work at the hell out of here.

You can get away with a lot in Europe too, so I'm sure it's probably just now with.

My family and the geese problems started all off? Okay, I went downhill from there.

Now, let me let me recap that you were told to go get a turkey and you came back with geese?

Yeah? Correct? How did geese gon for like six hours? The geese were great mans.

So you guys actually ended up beating them? Did you end up getting a turkey?

Here? Yea hell, yeah, Yeah, the geese was bad ass. It's just you know, when you take six hours to come back from the grocery store and you come back with geese instead, there's kind of you know, the whole room is just kind of against you right there, very aggressively against you.

The geese were more of a metaphor for the whole situation.

I got lost in a Christmas market after this show last week. I think I got lost in a Christmas market, didn't come home for a while, and then I just got a hold of me, that's all. It's like Vega's out there. Man and ship, Danny. It was also a fucking that was a proble, really, Lane, there's no dice, but the roulettes only got the single zero instead of the double zero. So it's better odd and blackjack and you know, slot machines and ship. But I took a detour into one of them that didn't end up in

Will you sound rough?

I've been getting beat up, Danny, I've been getting kicked in the balls. Well, I tend how long have I been here? I feel like I've been here a month?

But why did you go for such a long period of time?

Uh, I don't know. You know, Uh, it's got family out here Thanksgiving.

Yeah, but you don't want to hear out with family that long.

Clearly, I don't.

I hit. I jumped off the reservation. Every fucking chance.

I got Shay your job hunting over there?

No, No, they wouldn't hire me here at all chance.

All right, let me recap here. So dyal you were, you were neutral, You're stuck in neutral.

I'm good with neutral.

You did have you love your Iowa? Three units on Iowa to Brownska under twenty six and a half.

I just I mean, if you haven't jumped on it, if you didn't jump on it six weeks ago, that was a tactical blunder.

Death taxes in the under with Iowa. Damn right, Yeah, let me see bad Larry. Anything to recamp complain about.

No, No, as long as you're straightening the numbers out, I'm good. There's a great weaving. Oh Jesus, when he said he said three units, yeah, I said, Holy Macas, what's going on?

Damn? I'm glad.

I'm glad we straightened it out.

I do have a bad but not brutal beat the Bill's money line against the Eagles. That was a that was a botched opportunity there.

There were the fifty eight yard field goal at the buzzer.

Yeah, and it just hooked right into tie and once went into overtime, You're like, all right, the Bills are losing.

This but yeah, uh shaye, man, I.

Know they're so annoying, Jaye.

Do you want to recap? I know you complained about liberty against Texas and Pats Hill.

Liberty was coming for the I mean twenty three how many points they go up in the fourth quarter or like twenty fucking points something like that. They're up a freaking the fuck out in Vienna.

You don't say it very easy, Okay.

And then the New Mexico State game too fucking Pavia, diego my ban corn hold me one more time? Is there not gonna do it this week? Though? I got big money.

Is there a sports bar in Vienna that you go to?

Yeah?

Yeah, Twitter found me one believe it or not. Uh, they have like the NFL games Twitter. I asked Twitter where to go and they Twitter told me and I went and just you know, big old beers. They had like burgers, and shit, there's real American except for all the fucking Germans speaking.

But you've you've asked the Internet to tell you where to go, and they've told you where to go before.

Yeah, they do that daily, Danny.

You don't even have to ask, and they tell you where to go.

They do. I'm not exactly loved everywhere I go. Yeah, it's a common theme.

Fucket let's turn a retention to this week, and Dylan, I'll let you start out college football. And I already know that you love your Iowa four leg parlay.

I love it, Dan, unreal.

So I got the four leg parlay Michigan Iowa under thirty five for the game, Iowa team total under seven and a half, Michigan team total under twenty seven and a half, and Iowa to cover at plus twenty two and a half.

What do you think the final score is going to be?

I genuinely think it's going to be like twenty seven to three. Just thread the needle there with Michigan under the twenty seven and a half.

Okay, but then you would lose though.

No, because I have the Iowa under seven and a half.

Okay total oh, okay, and then plus twenty two and a half.

Yeah.

Oh wait, see that that's where you would lose.

Right, Okay, I'm revising my answer. I would get to kicks two field goals twenty seven.

Okas, okay, all right, Washington and Oregon. That's tomorrow night, by the way in Las Vegas.

Yes, it is nine and a half, nine and a half after they beat Oregon already this season close one, but nine and a half's a lot. I feel like, I mean, Oregon's gonna win, but probably flipping around Oregon wins by three?

Okay, anything else?

Yes, Dan, Obviously I hate Troy with the passion as we all know, and I do like app State because they hooked me up with that win against JMU.

Right, do you now spell Troy?

As soon as I saw that, I knew you were going to say something that's.

Well right, you got app State money line versus Tory, and I'm thinking Tory spelling, Like what are we doing here?

The fuck is Tory?

Yeah?

That was the Tory Show?

Is this like British Parliament or something?

Yes?

Okay, lock it up right, right? Like how many? How many mistakes today?

I'm counting to right now?

No, I'll give the Larry thing a half pint because Larry is an idiot.

How many? How many?

How many hot dogs did you make today?

Ray?

I think I made eight today.

And then you made tater tons. Made tater tons in there.

We about like the tots with Chick fil A sauce.

Dan.

Oh, yeah, I recommend it. We're really it's it's like a micheige.

No, it is evolving, It is evolving.

It is OK.

Gonna get raw Bar back there soon. I'm in the big German's ear with a lot of ideas.

Hopefully that's not you guys naked like well, I've actually proposed that as well.

Raw Bar.

It gets hot in the control round, I bet it Bury What else?

Control pill?

Somebody's getting pregnant? Okay, what else do you have?

So app State money line against Tory plus one ninety five, uh, Boise State minus two and a half against UNLV and Georgia Bama under fifty four and a half.

Bama is good against the over this season, just letting you know.

Yeah.

And Jalen Milroe is all of a sudden a quarterback there.

Yeah, there we go there.

We yeah, yeah, how about that Shae?

Here we go, here we go. When he doesn't play the best front seven in football. Yeah, he looks better. Good job. Wait to fucking go.

By the way Texas behind Ohio stage Shay.

And Oregon, Are you fucking kidding me right now? Danny? Are you fucking kidding me? For Oregon, we have a common opponent. They needed a fucking pick six at the end of the fucking game to win against Texas Tech. We beat him fifty seven to seven or whatever the fuck it was. Strength to schedule. Oregon's like sixty fucking second Texas is I don't know six. It's a fucking joke. But the committee's talking about. Did you hear what the fuck that moron said.

When he justed what's the order under? What's the over under? On f bombs here with Shae for this podcast? Is it like, uh, I'm gonna say fifty five seventeen? No, he already blew by that right in the last sentence.

Going I got going forward.

I think it's a light day.

Honestly, Yeah, I forgot all the Puritans listening to the show getting upset with my language. My bad.

Wait, you're the religious guy, yeah.

But you know what else? You know what else religion teaches me? Danny forgiveness. God, forgive me for cussing all the damn time, because that's just how I was fucking right.

Well, then, why don't you forgive the people who don't forgive you.

I pray for him, Danny, I pray for him.

Okay, find that hard.

To believe, Dylan Shu Dylan NFL NFL best.

Oh yeah, I forgot about the NFL. Dan Tonight Sea Hawks money line against the Cowboys.

Plus three fifty.

I like this on a little too much.

Why are you doing this to Shay? Why are you doing this?

I feel bad that he got bounced out of Austria and now he has to go to Argentina.

I wish he wouldn't come back. No, he would not make it.

Family here we go.

Yeah, not in the not in the marching powder neck of the world.

Do you have a second family chef now yet?

Danny. It's one of the goals I got in life, though.

Okay, Argentine, Argentina would be perfect, all right, Just go, Dylan. Okay, So that's plus three fifty lions minus four against the Saints. I've been in the Saints a few times this year, thinking that it's a smart play and it has not panned out for me.

It's weird. Jared Goff is twenty and eight against the spread in a dome. I love that random, but wow, those are those that's the large enough that's a large enough sample size it is.

Okay.

I got the Falcons minus two and a half against the Jets. I hate that game, but I hate the Jets even more. And then this is the Eagles plus three against the Niners. Eagles at home. This seems funky to me. I smell a rat, but I'm gonna.

It went up to three because it was two and a half. Yeah, Ray, it's three correct. Okay, Well, so Ray telling me it's correct. What else?

And I'm also I know they went into OT against the Bills and ripped my heart out last week, but I'm gonna bet throw a unit on the Eagles and the Niners to go into OT back to back weeks for the Eagles plus a thousand. Okay, just a little light dusting on that one, and then Chiefs Packers under forty two and a half and Bengals Jaguars under thirty eight. The primetime unders this year is like, it's like twenty seven and three to the under. So I'm popping on

All right, let's go to the lock of the year.

That's my lock of the year.

Well, how many units do you have on it?

I'm putting three on it.

Wow, Lock of the year Bengals Jags.

I have to because I don't have the Iowa under. Straight up, I have it parlay this week. I need a solitary under with three.

Units that brings us to bad Larry Wow.

Okay, three unit three team T's Cowboys plus one under the Patriots at fifty and a half and the Jags plus one on Monday Night. Okay, now one unit pros Falcons minus a couple of might agree with Dylan. That's starting to scare me. Falcons Falcons minus at two and a half against the Jets, Chargers minus five and a half against the Patriots.

Forty nine.

Oh there, I'm going against them.

Good.

Forty nine ers minus three against the Eagles, and the Chiefs minus the six against the Packers. They're all they're one unit ben except for the teaser. The teasers three units, then one unit on the College games Washington plus the nine and a half against Oregon Georgia minus the five and a half against Alabama. Yeah, way, going against Dylan again, Michigan minus at twenty two against Iowa?

Is it twenty two and a half?

Ray?

Let me check right now, it's going back and forth.

The line's been fluctuating. Maybe you had it at twenty tlus twenty two and a half. So I'm assuming if you have it at twenty two and a half, then it's twenty two and a half for Larry.

Yeah, yeah, it's twenty two okay, Tank.

You Ray, that's another mistake by Ray.

Michigan minus the twenty two and a half against Iowa, and I'm jumping on Dylan's no.

All right, fuck it, I'm taking the over No.

No, under Michigan. I didn't. I can't even say under Iowa under Michigan at the thirty five.

I do appreciate that Larry for not totally poisonous.

Okay, So what are you doing, Dylan? Are you still taking the under?

I mean I have to I have a system, Dan, but that uh that really.

You don't want Larry's companies, which now.

Larry's like, I don't want to be on the same side as Dylan. I'm in fucking twenty one units, Larry.

I know what I got. We're we're gonna go through them when I get off the show. I'm not to go listen to a bunch of shows. Wow, I never going to do that was rat first week. I mean, Ray, you could have stolen a unit from me every week and I wouldn't have known. But when you say I'm up three and I think I'm up seven, I gotta I gotta complain.

We corrected it.

You complained every week.

Yes, Larry, if you complain about lines.

Larry, how about you send your lines when you're supposed to instead of the middle of the day when I'm doing my actual job.

I understand.

What do you say? Line?

Ye? Yes, I was out last night.

I was out last night late, and I forgot to send them. I take some responsibility, but not a four unit hit. You know that's too much.

We got you got them back? There? Are you happy now?

I got them back? Thank you? L What would be you know, when you're in Michigan thirty five and Dan, I'm saying that score is going to be like they sent me in the middle of the week. I was teamed by themselves, and I went on my account, I couldn't find it. I was minus a half for the first half and minus at half a point for the second half. Yes, they're telling you they're going to get shut out, so I don't I can't understand how Dylan's bet in Iowa.

Or do they want you to think they're going to get shut down?

Larry will know what be over iowall both have I don't have it, so I can't do it. After in America, bet over Iowa minus a half a point for the first half and minus a half a point for the second half, and if they don't get shut out, you don't lose, and you have a chance of winning both of them. It's a free bet, guys, go do it.

I like that, Larry, All right, let's get to shay here.

Oh my god, fucking finally college football. First off, I need Georgia to win. I need the Huskies to win, and I need Louisville to win just for the college.

Oh and that's just for Texas. Okay, yeah, well just for text Yeah but that's but that's but that's not has nothing to do with this.

It's relevant, though.

It has informed my gamble, so Washington plus nine and a half, Greenway laying the three and a half? Ugga, isn't uga six and a half?

Five?

And Larry say five.

It's five and a half.

Good, all right, I haven't a bucket. And then uh, and then my knight in Shining armored Diego Pavilla over one hundred and sixty seven point five patching yards against.

The bathroom mashed potatoes.

Fucking solid.

Also where all three of us are on Washington just so Diego Padgia. Yeah all right, uh NFL, NFL, what.

Do you have for me?

Yeah?

I got the Texans laying three and a half. I got the Jets plus two and a half. And then the Detroit thanked over forty six and a half.

Okay, Yeah, something's up with the at the Lions. I don't know.

Something's so somethings, goofy.

Well, defense hasn't been great here so late, ill fell.

Their secondary is one of the worst defenses in the fucking league, Danny.

Remember they took Jeff Akuda, yes, second overall?

Yeah that works, yeah, over Herbert and Tua.

Yeah that's good.

Yeah, Uh, any futures that Let's see, we had futures with Shay had Michigan winning the Big Ten. You missed out on the aa C with Texas San Antonio winning. He had USC winning the Pac twelve Conference USA Western. Yeah, you lost three or four Big twelve.

We got Texas still.

Bad, Larry. You had James Madison over eight and a half wins. That's a win, Notre Dame over eight and a half wins, and you lost on Wisconsin over eight and a half wins.

Right, whenever Ray wants to give me those extra three units.

He can next week. O, thank my god.

I might not remember it, but thanks Ray.

Shay your back state side for next week.

Yeah, Buck, Yeah, Danny, I'll be there.

You'll meet Dan.

Got changed. I want to change one of my bets. I want over seventeen on bild In's f bombs for the rest of I mean, chase f bomb for the rest of the show.

Don't don't encourage him.

I mean he could just get it off, ripped off like six in a row.

Then, yes, yes, yeah, he could control that.

All right?

We good?

Nope, But Dan, I actually I do before you cut my head off, I do have a parlay in the balance. It's not on this show. But it's all conference winners this weekend. Okay, it's actually interesting me. I just I placed it on October. So it's Texas to win the Big twelve, Tulane to win the AAC, Boise State to win the Mountain West, Oregon to win the PAC twelve, Michigan to win the Big Ten, and Georgia to win

Probably Georgia losing down Obama. I think you're right, the one minut the one that you thought would be like, yeah, of course they're going to win.

They're the only one that are minus odds. The rest of those were plus money at the time. But it's five bucks to pay out fourteen hundred.

Oh wow, So okay, I even remember. But it doesn't count for this podcast. No, it's just but this is what Larry does. No, but I'm not he pulls this shit all the time.

We'll go.

You know, I couldn't get it into ray, but I bet this. You know, I had nine units on it and be like, no, I'm not saying that at all. I just I just thought it was relevant, sounded Larry like, I know he.

Was heetering on that line, but I'm not that big of a dork.

Wow, well five dollars, yeah, to win fourteen, I can't imagine you can even my book it will. I can't bet five dollars. There's minimums.

I had seven leg parlay. There's usually the minimum changes.

I don't think I've never bet a seven leg parley, so I don't know that, old Larry.

My head hurts, My head hurts. Uh shay, good luck getting back home, getting through customs.

And oh god, I'm going to need it.

Bad, Larry. Let us know when you're coming up here.

When when Shane's drinking again?

Oh yes, and stopped.

Jay's always on the wagon.

Oh that's right for the podcast. He's always on the wagon.

Yeah, I'm not drinking, Danny. It's bad for you.

I think it's bad for your family too.

Yeah. Well they can get over it.

Shit, all right, I'll see you. We'll talk next week. That Stan Patrick takes a gamble in more ways than one