Episode 94: Can I Get Off?

Gambling was something that I did. This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble. One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat and now join my bad Larry, Shay and Irving and Dylan the graphics got I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick.

By the way, I did reach out to Shaye last night. I said, Hey, uh, dinner maybe, and uh, apparently wasn't a good night for me to go over to have dinner with you. Hi. Hi, Larry, Hello Dan, how you doing, buddy good? Uh?

Dylan?

Yeah, okay, So I was gonna go. Shay's been inviting me every Wednesday to go over to his house and then do his podcast, the Shaye Irving Podcast, and I my wife went to dinner with some friends and then I thought, okay, I'll give you a heads up that I'm coming over, and then you said not this week, Danny. Yeah, I mean to be fair, the roommate did go out, which I had no idea about. I thought I was just eating leftovers for fun, but she was like, yeah, I'm going out with my girlfriends.

Not a good week. Not a good week to show up, Danny. We got to go to Austria. So she's packing up the entire damn house. Shit's going crazy. It's a mess. Goddamn zoo.

Do you want to do this today?

I want to do anything but what I'm doing currently currently at my life life life.

Yeah, sure not the show. The show is the best part of my life. That's the problem.

Dan.

If this is the best part of my life, I'll the.

Fuck just never leave this room.

You're good, okay, Just grab yourself a white claw.

Yeah, and let's just pinky up.

Yeah, and let's just sit back and just the good times. Yeah yeah, let me recap here. Dan Patrick takes a gamble Dylan plus seventeen he won one unit last week, Larry at plus seven won three units last week, and Shae, I got your plus four you won one unit last.

Week to raise uh fucking me in the ass again.

What happened? Ray?

He does that big fan of that.

You said that I didn't give you the Vikings game, right, Yeah, I'm looking at it right now and it's in green, so maybe I just didn't calculate.

It right, but light blue on the sheet.

Yeah, we got some printer issues.

Bait I won that too, Yeah, okay, that's that's what's the one Tampa Bay.

All right, so you're up five units?

Yeah, won two last week that freaking Catholic over Corn Hold me, Danny. They weren't even close.

Awful.

College basketball is a death wish, by the way, Iowa the gift that keeps on giving. Amazing Shae, are you jumping on now? Second? I jump on second?

Please don't.

It's gonna be like a sixty eight point game, I know. And what was it? Twenty two to nothing? And they had a kneel down inside the five.

Three zip at halftime.

Just looking at the sitting there when it goes to half, I've been looking at the screen being like, this is the.

Best football game I've ever watched in my entire life.

Is this one of the best or worst? Heisman races? Here? Right now? Bo Nicks has a comfortable lead. I don't. According to DraftKings, I think Jayden is it at LSU. Michael Pennix Junior, the third is second, then Jayden Daniels, then Marvin Harrison Junior.

Jaden I think Jayden should be way ahead of Bownicks. Jayden is pretty spectacular, incredible. If they were, you know, undefeated, he would be the only person anybody's talking about on the Heisman. Yeah, he plays on a semi shit team with Brian Kelly as his coach. To me, that means a whole lot more if you're succeeding with that ass.

Yeah right, what.

I feel like bo Nix is just super overrated and like he didn't do anything at Auburn. And then when was the last time Oregon had a bad statistical quarterback? Like he's probably just a product of their system. Like it's not that good.

I thought your job was just to produce a real commentary. Now you're going to be giving us picks here coming up odds for the next NFL coach to be fired. Bill Belichick is the leader in the clubhouse right now. Matt Eberflus, Brandon Staley, Ron Rivera, Brian Dable, anybody want a piece of any of those odds?

Not touching it. There's no way Dable or Belichick get fired.

No way. Okay, relieved of their duties. Just Belichick get relieved mid season? No way, no way. I'd say yes, Marvin.

Does part ways count when they say we mutually parted?

Waste? What did Gwyneth Paltrow call it? De coupling? No? No, no, no, right, like a mutual wasn't It wasn't It was.

Not the cup is banding.

No, it was like she said something. Really it was really it was really elegant like it it sounded like it. Did I tell you I met her before? Yeah?

I met Gwyneth Paltrow at the Ohio Valley in and what happened? We hung out for a minute. She I had a dog, Well, the roommate had a dog. It's like a b shon freeze, And of course we were I was walking the dog and I was sitting on a.

Park and conscious conscious, I'm uncoupling, conscious uncoupling.

That's sucking it. Yeah, okay, So I'm sitting on this bench with the dog and it's this white fluffy dog, looks like it, you know, came from a fucking movie. And the roommate goes into some spa ship or whatever. So I'm just waiting and then fucking Gwyneth Paltrow walks out and you can see her a mile away, Danny, Like a mile away, you can be like, holy shit, that's a good looking woman. She's got good bone structure. And then she was like, can I pet your dog?

No.

I didn't ask her name. I didn't shake her fucking hand, get her a picture.

None of that ship no free Vagina state was No.

It was during Reese Witherspoon's second marriage. She married some agent. So Robert Downey Jr.

Was there?

Uh uh, what's what's Jerry Maguire, the old lady Renee Zellweger was there. All these other fucking celebrities were all over the compound. It was pretty cool. A lot of blond renase el Wegger looked fucking awful.

Really.

Oh that's when she had like the joker face for.

Motherfucking work guy.

Yeah.

The legs was boom and the cheeks were boom in bad Yeah. But Gwyneth Stable together yeah smoke show.

Yeah. And she has nice skin too beautiful.

I'm not kidding. I was like, holy shit, she should be a movie.

Oh that's and she's a good kisser. Okay, Larry, how are you doing? You're still with us?

I'm good. Yeah, I'm out of repass. Ninety four year old legend spring Light Good died, so I took a little break from the repass. I'm sitting at a bar by myself, in this short club and ready to give my picks and then go back to the party.

Wait, it's a repast.

Yeah, the celebration after the funeral.

Oh okay, I think we've been over this. Yeah.

You tend a lot of funerals, a lot. Yeah, your friends are dying, yeah, and your next.

The great thing about this is my friend's parents still so my friends. So I'm here to support my friends.

You're your friend's parent, support your.

Ninety four.

That's a good I'd sign it for ninety four right now.

Yeah.

So I'm the only one on this call who won't. I'm a hundred No, you're not.

Never gonna happen. I can't wait to collect that debt from your family. You don't even want to be You can't wait. Your wife has to pay up. Yeah, well there, I'll be at the fucking wake saying hey, hey, hey, yeah, I don't think.

You're going, I'm going to be at the repass.

But they're celebrating because you say.

We've had this conversation before, you're invited to the way, you won't be around. I'm sorry, my man.

There we go.

Okay, that's two things can be true.

The over under, I think we said it's seventy seven or seventy eight under. Yeah, I think that's.

It's such an over it's just a joke.

I'll give you a decade from now.

Perfect.

I want to talk to your doctor. I want to talk where they go to school. Fucking Puerto Rico.

Okay, recapping, so anything you want to recap their deal since you're leading.

Obviously, Iowa Rutgers under twenty eight and a half. That was the lock of the century, Washington, Utah. That was a brutal, brutal has beat in a while.

That was tough. Yeah, that was a touchdown that should have been Yeah, that's what got you.

Yeah, that was they cover.

That was that was tough. That was tough.

You looked like Utah was going to win that game really too.

And then you have the future bet Arizona to win the title.

Yeah, looks good. And then I got hosed in NFL except for the Jets Raiders under.

Uh, let's see bad layer. You got anything you want to recap from last week?

No, the teaser was easy. I split in college and splitting pros just because I lost that Rutgers that I had. I mean, I bet the over in the Rutgers game. I figured Sanna would at one pick six or one get a fucking point. There nothing nothing else to recap.

You're the ten point three for the week. Is good ten point teaser? Uh? You had Bama Georgia and Florida State and the uh.

The points in the Florida State game?

Right, Yeah, yeah you did? Uh? How about you shay anything you want to recap? Yeah?

South Bay mccorn holded me once again, covering the entire game except the second half of the fourth quarter. Oh that was really embarrassing and sad. And college basketball has got my number once again. I lose pretty much every bet I make in the NCAA basketball We only had one bad Yeah, two units, Danny as the first time I've done two units in what two months?

Tangled those point totals in college basketball have no.

Yeah, you had the over with Saint Mary's and University of New Mexico.

Two great offenses, and here we go. Every time I try and break a game down, Danny, it doesn't work. I fucking lose every time. What was the game that you broke down earlier this year at University New Mexico, Diego Pavia? Yeah, who, by the way, is having a great fucking year. After week one he looks incredible.

He could thank you for that.

But in that fuck, didn't he have some contry he fell apart against you mask that's the contract. Didn't he have something where he was urinating on whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa woa exculation there something where he urinated on the mascot of the logo school he was playing.

Who hasn't pissed? Right, I'm asked Albert Bell. We all have to pin you pos.

What's the story with the New Mexico quarterback?

So New Mexico state quarterback Diego Pavia accused of urinating on rival New Mexico's logo.

Okay, yeah, fuck that logo an interstate rivalry.

Oh yeah, welcome to the AVQ, bitch.

That's just some hijinks. There's what that is. It's called competitive advantage, all right, dyl You lead US off.

Alrighty Dan, to everyone's surprise, three units Illinois Iowa under thirty and a half.

Thirty.

That's a big title, I.

Think, and that's I would add it like at twenty seven.

Well, Illinois can actually score a little bit, but I don't know. I mean, there's no you can't jump the ship yet. Okay, app State money line against JMU plus two seventy five. They're going to be devastated about the playoff. Yeah, they get nothing.

JMU favored by no rankings either.

No, nothing, they get nothing. They're going to lose to app State.

All right, I'm going Notre Dame minus twenty four and a half against wake Forest Sam Hartman, going back to.

The old stomping grounds.

I think they'll put up some points and what is ultimately a meaningless game for both of them.

And then Washington plus two and a half against Oregon State. This is funky. It stinks, I have Why are they underdogs?

Doesn't make sense.

Oregon State does cover the spread like a machine, but Oregon State's good.

Yeah, I believe that's why.

That's why it's tough to play there, dude.

So it's basically a pick. I'm it shouldn't pick him take that out.

It takes like eight and two. Yeah, they're not a bad team.

They lost a wazoo, didn't they.

Yes, Yes, I think so, Yeah, I don't have lost that bad.

I think this is kind of this is just the trappy one either way you look at it.

I feel like Washington kind of ends up giving it to him. All right, Oh yeah, brother brother, NFL?

How's that white claw? It tasts great, Danny.

These are just delightful, Dan.

You have to have an advanced palate to enjoy the black cherry day.

Is there a soft Seltzer? Because I know there's a hard Seltzer. I'm just curious that there's a soft Seltzer.

Sounds like a product idea for me.

Yeah. Yeah, some soft selters out there. I still wouldn't drink it.

Okay, there's about four seven combined fell and he's drinking white claws in here, Dan.

Because I'm a man, all right, here we go. What else in the NFL?

NFL?

So tonight Bengals Ravens. I'm going Mark Andrews, my guy. First touchdown score plus eight point fifteen? Oh no, tight ends prime time?

Right. They delivered six touchdowns this year point. Yes, and here we go.

Uh, Dolphins minus thirteen and a half against the Raiders. I think the whole like Raiders ra ra thing dies this week. And then Dolphins love being the shit out of bad teams. That's pretty much all they can do. Okay, Seahawks minus one against the Rams. I have no reason not to bet that. I don't know even why it's only one. An there's plus ten and a half against the Cowboys.

Wow.

Now Steve Smith said that Ceedee Lamb's not an elite receiver.

Yeah, that's dumb.

I'm so sick of this shit, Danny. This is so corny, Like what is Steve Smith doing.

He's got nine hundred and seventy five yards this year, four touchdowns, He's in the top fucking three of both categories, will be but.

Two of those. All of that is from like two games.

I would say he had a bad fucking first week or two.

That's it.

And Dak had a bad first week or two.

Actually, he's had at least ten receptions and at least one hundred yards in three straight games.

Oh, I took it down from three games.

Yeah, so in favor and to be fair to Steve Smith, he said this before this three game stretch. But Ceedee Lamb's just disproving him right now. Yeah, yeah, so he didn't say that in the best of it.

Ceedee Lamb. He's got the whole package.

Like he looks like catch did you see his catch last week? The one handed left hand?

Or did you see that?

Ship?

Fuck out of here?

He looks kind of slow on TV there. I don't know what it is.

You got another bent?

Am I not allowed to make observations?

Now you can, but what would you look like on TV? Now we see? Okay, great, and then the sooner I get Shay out of here, the better for all of this because he's got he's got some stuff to deal.

With things, yeah, and happenings.

International flights, yeah yeah, international incident with kids. You three daughters on a plane to Europe.

Probably the worst person ever be in Austria.

I guess what do you mean? The whole land?

Vikings plus two in African thank you.

Thank you, Vikings plus two and a half. And I have a part of course you do.

All unders Iowa, Illinois under thirty and a half, Giants and Commanders under thirty seven, and Titans and Jags under forty plus five ninety five.

Right, we bring in bad Larry who joins us from a funeral.

Yes, I didn't hear the Bengals line, but I went to Bengals plus three or three and a half against the Ravens, and it's Bengals Bengals. Is it three and a half?

Yeah?

Yeah, thank you, Browns minus one against the Steelers, Chargers minus the three against the Packers. I went over forty seven in the Bears Lions game. Vikings plus two and a half against the Broncos, and the Chiefs minus the three against the Eagles. I think that's Monday night.

You got all of the lines correct today? Oh yeah, congratulations, I did.

Them this morning instead of last night.

That's the difference, Okay, I guess any uh okay college.

There, Yeah, they're one unit each, and then I got one unit on one to six college games. Duke minus the three and a half against Virginia Michigan minus nineteen against Maryland Louisville. To pick them against.

Miami louis was getting one.

Getting one. Okay, another bonus, thank you, Danna, You're welcome. Penn State minus the twenty and a half against Rutgers h Georgia Southern minus six against Shave or Dylan's o d U that's mine, that's yeah, and Kansas State minus the eight against Kansas. I want to Dan. I want to add one game and then I want to say goodbye to you guys and hang up because I got people waiting for him in there.

They're want.

Repasses to the you go for the living, Okay, I want to I want to add JMU. Is game day going to be it?

Yeah?

In Harrisonburg. There's going to Harrisonburg. I want one unit on JMU minus a nine against Appellations State.

Wow, Uh it's I think it's what's the line.

It's uh nine? I think I saw nine this morning.

It's eight now, So you're welcome.

It's some money coming in and.

Right right side of that bet, Larry.

Yeah, all right, Larry, tell everybody said that I took him.

It's going to go down to about seven.

All right, Larry?

Can I get off?

Yeah? Yeah? I mean I prefra you to do it now.

Plus my beers empty.

Okay, you guys, good luck, we'll see it. Okay, all right? Bad layering is from another funeral?

Uh shay, Yeah, make it quick and easy, Danny Boston College plus three against pitt Ye. Then I got that same game under Wait, forty five and a half?

Yeah, forty seven.

When you sent it to me, I looked it up. It's forty five and a half. I knew you were going to say.

Something, but fuck me. Sorry forty five.

I have a feeling that's going to be a important point.

Yeah, forty six.

I really hope it is, a bitch.

I'll take it anyway, but this is under duress.

I'll get as a as a man of sport. I'll give Shay the forty seven.

No, No, that's not the way. You're not. You're not. There's no official title man of Sport.

It's unofficial.

No, we're not doing that. All right, Fine, we're not, you know, because he's in a bad mood and he's going with his wife and kids to Austria.

Giving him a point and a half makes this miserable man feel.

A little bit better.

No, it won't.

It won't temporarily.

He's not asking for it, all right. I know listen, I know it's my show and the answer.

Is no, Since what are we trying to make people feel good about themselves?

Wow, look at what I'm going through.

We're turning over a new leaf here.

It's called being mighty Christian. Every Danny, thank you so much.

You're not getting it. I think if I would have gotten dinner last night, then maybe I feel a little closer.

I would actually like to say something about the.

House is I didn't. Oh, I would have brought food over. You and me, Arena take care of three daughters. Dance now fun. That was a long time ago. Oh, what's changed a whole lot the generational. We got iPads, now they got fucking TV.

They're doing stuff you don't have to watch you.

But the baby's a violent one. Did I tell you what happened to the fucking baby the other day? Eleven stitches in her mouth? Danny, what eleven stitches in her fucking mouth?

Two and a half year old.

I got her this stupid pony that's like a pony unicorn where they ride it and they fucking pushed and they ride it and they ride it, and the two girls ahead of them had it and it was never an issue.

This fucking baby, this danger baby, takes the fucking unicorn down the stairs, just straight down the stair. I'm gonna work.

The roommate's there, and she's like, what the fuck, what the fuck? She hits her face on the handle and then on the terra cotta. So they cut her once and they cut her inside. Bam, eleven stitches and guess who fucking fixed it. The best goddamn plastic surgeon in Fairfield County, which fucked me big time. Man does not take insurance, Danny, Oh what did that run? Eighteen hundred? Yeah, it was a ten minute operation, but it's worth for your daughter. Well, the roommate was like, she's a girl,

That's so fucking his teeth out of shit.

I broke my nose when I was younger, and my mom took me to the emergency room and then she said, oh, you'll be fine.

They didn't even fix it. Same I have my nose broken. I don't know how many times like that thing is just fucking yes. That next urriculous thing called the exchange between the U States and Mexico.

You're very deviated.

So okay, all right, Dan, really quick that I would like to point out you were only willing to go to SHA's last night because you said that your wife was going out to dinner, so it seemed like a little bit of like a like a you know nothing else?

Yeah, I guess I'll go.

Yes, I could have made us like terriso and eggs.

I would have come over. I text you you did. Yeah?

Who cares?

What the reason why I'm going over or not going? Who cares what the motivation is? Fair?

I don't care.

I was going over for the entertainment that not necessarily the food.

But the baby with her face sewn up? God fucking nightmare.

Dan, I know what else do you have? I don't know. Do you even care anymore? I don't know where I am, Danny, okay, care about anything? Do you want me to read your picks? Yeah? Sure, all right, let me take a break. Uh. So you got Boston College plus three against pitt You got the over under it's forty five and a half. You got the under Colorado Wazoo under sixty three should be sixty four. Uh, Texas State minus three and a half against Arkansas today,

I didn't take my adder all today.

Okay, and you're extra annoying today.

Eric said the same thing.

What what do you want?

I have a couple of Formula one picks in Vegas?

Jesus fuck? Yeah, go ahead, all right, fine, Charles.

Charles Leclaire, and Lando Norris.

Podium of course, Sergio Perez fastest lamp.

Hey, it's been hitting all right, parlay with a couple of NFL games.

Dad, a nice little payday.

That's it, Shay and Irving's point? Are you? You guys are in Europe? But we could have done it last night?

We could have. Yeah, but I fucked that up clearly. But I could have. Could have you asked to I didn't, really I did. So I'm going to be in Austria next Thursday for this show. Yeah, it's got to be six pm there.

So Actually we were thinking about recording earlier because we're not here on Thursday, so.

We went on record on Wednesday. It's Thanksgiving, so we could do it's the roommate's birthday to Danny.

God damn it, you're welcome.

You got to get her something. I got her trip to Austria. Yeah, but you're going with her?

I know.

Why don't we doesn't help her?

Why don't we do the show from Austria? Take a little field trip?

What is wrong with you today?

I'm just spitballing.

He's an idea, man, Dan, you.

Throw enough ship at the wall. Dan, maybe it sticks.

Let me throw you against the walls.

I won't stick.

I can't. I can't lift you to throw you. Okay, so uh yeah, I have a what. No, we're gonna do Wednesday? Wednesday?

I guess we can try either one. I'm oping all right, maybe we have to do Tuesday.

That's fine, thank you, Yeah either way, Okay.

All right, thanks for joining us for this podcast. I hope we entertained. You have one more thing. I just like mess with you. I'm sorry, I don't have anything. Uh, good luck to everybody. Thank you, Dad, and have a have a happy thing at safe Tribal. Danpatrick takes again