Episode 91: I Got A Job!

Gambling was something that I did.

This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

One of my bookies died at the kitchen table.

A podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling.

One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

Hear a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat.

And now join my bad Larry Shayan Irving and Dylan the graphics got I have friends. Here's Dan Patrick.

I almost came to dinner in the Plass Life.

Almost almost. But this was discussed yesterday after the show. I did discuss with a picture Deray and Marv and Dylan, and I just wasn't sure, Like I, how do I ask if everything's okay at the house before I come over for dinner.

Just shoot me a text. Okay, I'll tell you, but I will know by noon.

I was hoping that you would say, hey, coast is clear, come on over. I would need several hours like prior to that happening. Okay, yeah, neat an update like next Wednesday, you want me to come over for dinner? Do your podcast sit down with break bread with your wife and daughters the roommate. Yeah, then I'm going to say noon, maybe noon is the time frame. Okay, you give me like six hours that.

Let me know at noon and I will feel out the roommate and we'll go from there. Okay, but it was it was under review last night. I understand that we have been on rocks and waves, but we're back on solid ground, Danny.

Okay, as long as the message doesn't come in morse code.

Thank you. Yes.

If it's cryptic and you're sending a video to me, then I'm not going to come over.

If I text you from a different number, do not come over. Okay. So it's Dan Patrick takes a gamble already in progress. We have a Dylan.

We have Shayan Irving and bat Larry joining us from.

Hello Dan, where are you Larry?

I am outside?

Of course it's lunchtime, okay, all right? And what are we having for lunch?

By the way, I haven't ordered yet. I'm guessing tuna fish.

Let us mayo on a whole week with a Coca Cola.

French for hides, a whole bunch of cokes. I got my results back from last week.

Oh, flying colors, no way, bullshit, no way, flying.

Color, Dan, everything perfect. It's unbelievable. I was kind of a little worried because, uh.

Wait, what were they checking? What were they checking for?

I had that this tult I take for soriasis. It's an objection I give myself once every six weeks or eight weeks, whenever I feel like giving it, and uh.

Whenever you get there, whatever you feel like. What does the doctor say to.

Do every like ten or thirty weeks?

They say every month, but I don't unless unless I see it some kind of breakout of sorias, I don't take it. So it's everyone ever call it eight weeks. So to get the prescription renewed for another they had to do some blood blood work, so they just blood working like creatine or some One of my numbers was abnormal and they say sometimes it could be from dehydration. And it was like four o'clock where I did the blood work.

So I guess, Larry, if you drink as much as you do, you're going to be dehydrated.

Yeah, no, it was just four o'clock.

But I don't drink water. So between the.

Last I know you drink blood wise and Coca Cola.

Yes, we just busted this wide open.

Yeah, yeah, there's a reason why you.

Be I had a couple. I had a couple of handfuls of water. When a couple extra handfuls of water?

When I why were you having handfuls of Why don't you drink? They have bottles, they have glass.

They've been that's my wife says, how about a glass, Larry, But no, it's just you force a little extra water in and your body regulates it and your back of perfect. So like a handful of water, you literally you have. Hey, I got a good thing. Say I got a good thing for you when the roommates do. I was up in the Connecticut, New York for left. Thank god I didn' see any football on Sunday because I think I lost every game. Outhouse Orchards picking apples. It was a fabulous day.

You should do it.

Won't do it Outhouse Orchards on a Sunday.

That's the name of the outhouse Orchards.

But it was great, way.

Better than I have a problem with something called outhouse Orchards.

Especially recommending it for me, Like, what the hell are you trying to say.

Lary, He's calling you it's a pussy.

I think redneck.

It's a family.

The family name is Outhouse. I don't believe that.

Yeah, the wedding those when you get married. The wedding is uh, somebody of mine's daughter who lives in have on.

It was my bad, my bad.

No, No, I should I never should have. I never should have gone down this road.

Uh.

Dylan is up plus twenty units. He lost one unit last week. Shay is up plus three. He lost four units bad. Larry is at zero and that's an appropriate number. He lost one unit last week. By the way, Dylan did get seven units on Formula one. Larry got seven units on other bets as well.

Anything.

By the way, can we clear this up because I thought I was I was praising Dylan on the radio show.

Yeah you were. I said, Dylan picked Rangers Diamondbacks in the World Series when the playoffs started. But why aren't you getting credit for that?

Because Ray hates me? I think. No, No, there's a there's a real reason. Okay, I forgot to place the bet, Dan, I was looking at DraftKings.

But did you make the bet on the show?

I made the bet on the show.

Okay, Yes, Ray.

Your bet is Rangers to beat the d Backs in the World Series, not both them to demand So the Rangers have to win in order for this to count.

Wow, that's still impressive, though. I thought you had futures that you had. You had the Rangers Diamondbacks in the World Series. You actually picked Rangers over the Diamondbacks, so you're not gonna get credit. Were a great call that no one else had, None of the experts, not Tim Kirkshan, not Harold Reynolds, not Tom Bruducci, No, just Dylan Grady, just Dylan Dylan O'Grady.

I have to look at it because I thought it was just the matchup. I do have a future on the Rangers to win separate from that, Okay, but either way, pretty damn close. If that's the case.

No, it's it's very, very, very impressive.

I saw them if you'd picked the matchup, like at the beginning of the season, ye, like, I think one hundred dollars bet would have won. There were like one hundred and fifteen hundred to one or something for that matchup.

But you didn't pick it up, so it doesn't matter.

Well, it might be interesting to someone to know if you had done that, you know, you would have won one hundred and fifty grand.

We're not, but we're not doing if I had done this at the beginning of the year. I've had a time machine. I swear to God.

No, this is just like an information I know.

But you did it to start the postseason. Just take credit for that. It's a victory.

Lap.

Don't go, hey, you don't.

What if you if you bet like one thousand dollars on Christian McCaffrey to score at least one touchdown in the last what fourteen games? Yeah, you'd be up a million dollars.

That's a funny one too, because that means that, like the week before, you were putting five hundred grand on Christian McCaffrey to score a touchdown. Yeah, So what point do you get off of that? What point do you stop rolling it over? If you're you know, say you're a guy who's doing it when you're at like one hundred grand, you.

Got to have a number. You got to have a number.

Okay, what would your number be, Larry? If if you were going to bet on Christian McCaffrey scoring a touchdown, and let's say you had a million dollars on that, they got the Bengals coming to town. So you're up a million, and would you place any money on Christian McCaffrey to score another touchdown to I think set the NFL record for most consecutive games with a touchdown.

Yeah, I would bet some of it, but I wouldn't roll a million over coward. But that's how I'm a little bit of.

A Okay, how much would you? Okay, so you're taking nine hundred thousand, yeah.

And putting that in my pocket and betting one hundred grand probably a good number. All right, what about a million on it?

What about you? Sha If I get up to a million, but you have to roll up to a million, yeah, I'm rolling over absolutely, okay, absolutely, without a question, absolutely, Dylan, would you roll it all over?

I think by the time I got to like being up five hundred grand, and I'd be like, this has to this luck's got to run out. I'd probably be out of five.

Hundred k if you roll over a million.

But you get I mean, they're basically it's like even odds every week at this point, so you're basically your million would be to win a million.

That's two million. Yeah, they got it?

Okay? Two million or zero?

Can we start even real money?

Can we start this thing again? This has been a shitty start to this. Normally we're better you are. Yeah, bad Larry's waiting to go have his outhouse or an out house.

I'm ready to get my day going. Let's go.

Okay, all right, all right, right, Dylan, anything you want to recamp from last week?

I mean, Dan, really the game of the century was the Iowa game.

You did it again, Yeah, you did it again. You you had three units on Iowa Minnesota under even if they allowed that punt return to happen, you're still on.

There at twenty nine. Yeah, and that was that was like I said, it was a shootout. I did say I was going to bet on it to be seventeen ten. Obviously that's opened.

But it would have been seventeen to twelve.

Yeah. Mathematically, that's probably the closest you could get to predicting the score of a game, like you could bet on those, which obviously is just like a wash.

You had a parlay. Did you come close on this?

Yeah?

I had three of the four that charge. I don't know, Dan, I know you're kind of used to be a big Chargers guy.

You've not anymore.

He retracted that I think anymore. I'm right there with you. They've that's a team that's burned me.

The Chargers getting five and a half, that's what you lost on.

Yeah, and like the for the whole they didn't. I don't think they scored in the second half if I remember.

Because you saw what they let Mahomes do in the first I mean that wasna Yeah.

Uh, you had Formula one Lewis Hamilton podium finish. You know you got okay, So that's you did well there, But nobody cares about it.

Nobody cares about that, Shay. Anything you want to mention here, yeah, I do. Penn State is fraudulent. Tennessee was covering the whole damn game until the fourth quarter. They screwed me there. Rangers disappointed me, and the NFL is the NFL. I'll go even I lose the juice that happens every damn year. Bad Layry, you got anything you want to recount?

Destroyed college football? And I agree, say the NFL's list a coin flip. And I only got four NFL games this week because I'm afraid I don't. I don't know what's going on there.

You won college I got wrapped.

Yeah, you got three four out of five.

I was gonna say, I was gonna say my three college you know, preseason over eight and a half wins are all locked. Damn, you might go undefeated. Yeah, I'm sorry, not this week. You don't think you're gonna beat Marshall. They Oh, I'm looking last week.

That was last week.

I got both, I got both envelopes in front.

No, no, there's always a goddamn excuse.

I'm gonna look at the wrong envelope. Yeah, laying in nineteen and a half. So, oh, do you know he's gonna win the game?

Okay? Uh?

In the NFL, you got all of them wrong except for Eagles minus two and a half against the Dolphins. That leads us to bets for this week. Dylan, you're still up on everybody. I'll let you start, all.

Right, Dan Well, I was not playing this week, which is just shay.

Do you think Dylan knows what he's doing? Now? Hell?

Now, Danny, I mean, look at do you think bad Larry knows what he's doing?

I think Bad Larry does have sharp ideas. I think he's convalescent, so it's hard for him to use the words he should, But I think he's got sharp brain.

Yeah, And what the fuck does that make you.

I got sharp ideas too. I'm just degenerates. That's a problem. You throws it up against the wall and it sticks.

Well, it seems to be sticking quite a bit.

There we go.

Okay, all right, I like this a little back and forth. Guys are drinking white cloth. You guys are outlaws. Man, I'm back here. You are all the way back.

You are drinking a white class about my only a hundred calories and it's important to me. I don't think you've been worried about calories. Oh wow, looks like there we go. Now they're gonna know mask off.

Actually we could just start making up what you look like and making the most disgusting creature of all time.

Close, I take back to making what do you do? Oh? What?

What?

What is this thing on? This is odd?

It is bulking season.

That okay, I'm bulking up, that's what. Well, we got a hot dog machine in there.

Oh yeah, you haven't seen the new gear.

So have a snow cone machine and a hot dog machine. Hot dog MACHINEOI get me here. Well, I love hot dogs. Dylan, Dylan, you're gonna it's gonna do damage to you.

We took a break today oh, I know you go.

Down the hallway and you could smell the hot beef dogs U whenever we ever ran.

We have some some Hebrew nationals. Yeah, okay, t Keito's yeah, taketos.

Teketos for uh Mario.

Yeah, so we have marke he No, he's the one that brought him man profiling, I get it.

There's a mariachi band.

There's brought home mates. It's so good. All right, okay, so dyl what do you have this week? Here we go? Come on now, you.

Guys are making fun of my logic. But no Iowa this week. So I'm taking Iowa state under against the state of Iowa. Yeah, fuck the state of Iowa.

Oh, I was great, dude.

Okay, I've never been, but there's never been a reason to show trip Iowa, I know, except for des Moines. I've heard the Moines.

Those are great people. Those are great people.

Well, they like to not score a lot of points. I don't know. I just see this game.

Actually did sounds like a stripper des Mone to the main des Monet to the main stage.

Yes, ray, So I just looked it up. Can anyone tell me? According to this trip Advisor website, the best place to go in Iowa?

What city?

Just Iowa?

In general? Corey Taylor's house, squat Cities, m movie, there's a it's a movie.

That that's number one.

Children of the Corn.

Okay, continue, Dylan, I got Larry's waiting to go in and have lunch.

Oh sorry, Larry. Florida plus fourteen and a half against Jauja. I don't know. Georgia this season just not.

Good against the spread?

No, nope, Okay. And there in Jacksonville, Yeah, I died that into the world's largest outdoor concktail.

How was it?

It was?

Okay, that's it? I mean, Blake, what do you mean? How was it? Was it a party? Were you freaking out? No? How old were you? I was grown ass man.

Is the world's largest anything?

Really?

Ever?

Great? Marvin?

Huh uh?

No, I went to it. I think I was expecting more at the world's largest cocktail. But you were a married man with kids by that, Yeah, I think so. Yeah, there you go, Danny. Yeah, boring. Even if I was single, it wouldn't have mattered. I don't believe. No, I'm telling you no game whatsoever. Oh that I believe that part. I believe I meant the talent was there. That's for damn sure.

It's probably a fun place to just get blasted.

Like I had any game. No, not at all, Danny, No, even now.

Correct, correct, you have kind of said a much.

You have college. In college, you didn't have any game. No, you've literally said this on the show several times, how hard it was for you to get dates on. That is true, that is true. But you look at me, Danny. I got a lot of dates. I had a lot of time with the ladies. And it ain't because of my pretty face.

Because I got game, and because you can pay them.

Correct, because those checks don't bounce. Yeah, okay, all right, so you yes smart.

So the young ladies they took checks from me.

When you keep coming back, Marvin consistently, the cash.

Caramel and they took.

Us and Sina Ray too less Las Vegas now they take zel. I don't do that.

That can trace back to the joint, the count and they.

Definitely can't trace it.

Once again.

You catch me if you can.

I'm a genius. Jerry Springer got caught that way, the mayor of Cincinnati two times. With the river on fire, yes he no, the river on fires in Cleveland, No, but it was no, no, no. The river lit up twice when Jerry Springer was the mayor. Apps are positive. That's my hometown. I know. Jerry Springer is a god. He's dead. Well, he's y. Yeah, he was with Actually he was on the tribe, so he ain't really.

Yeah, So where did where would he have gone? Then?

I don't know the dirt. I don't know how they do it. Dylan, you could tell us.

All well, I'm not there yet, but you know what, once here we go, Dylan, all right, so I got Oregon minus six and a half against Utah coming off there, win against USC Larry Old Dominion money line against j m U plus eight fifty book it.

Uh.

They laughed when Dylan took the money line on Stanford.

Again.

He's saying, and the JMU house has to come down at some point because they are pretty fucking good. But Old Dominion has been good. I forget who they beat last week, but they won outright as like a touchdown underdog. Okay, and then u c F minus seven against West Virginia. U CF should have beaten Oklahoma last week.

Maybe they left it all there. This is interesting because West Virginia's last game was a fucking shit show too.

The emotion game.

Yeah, emotionally, both these teams are coming off with the high emotions. Yeah that was could go either Okay, anything else.

Yep, I got a I'll squeak in a quick MLB bet Dan World Series Game one, Tommy fam To hit a home run over half a home run plus six hundred. I think he struck out like the last three games. Okay, he's due, He's due.

Okayf NFL game So for the NFL, Dolphins minus nine afagainst the Patriots, as simple as the Patriots are playing in Miami.

And the Patriots suck and they beat the Bills last week, so there they got their one good win.

Maybe TWA doesn't or doesn't have Tyreek kill.

Jyal and Wade all here we go. Bengals plus three and a half against the Niners.

It was five and a half, now down to three and a half with Sam Darnald.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't trust Sam Darnald. I know everyone says it doesn't make a difference, but uh and Bucks Bills tonight under forty three and a half primetime.

Under Dan oh Man.

Okay, and I actually have a teaser and a parlay. Sure, why not?

Right?

So I got a six six point teaser Bears plus fourteen and a half against the Chargers and Raiders plus fourteen against the Lions the Sunday and Monday night games, and then parlay wise all dog money line parlays, Panthers money line, Titans money line, Giants money line, Jesus Christ plus a thousand. Okay, they're all three point spread underdogs too, Okay.

So this is what you do when you're up freaking seventeen point.

Some room to play with?

Yeah, so Panthers, Titans, Giants money line for Dylan Shyean Irving.

Here we go, all right, Orange Man plus three versus the Goiters, Washington State minus six against a su the herpe Kindssiphialades. I got the Beavers laying three and a half against the Wildcats, Georgia State, Georgia South under sixty two and a half actually, and Louisville it's four.

And a half now, yeah, okay, all right, fuck shit, all right, I'll do it.

What was it when you tug it three? That's a big point and a half.

Huge? Yeah? Well, well, all right, baseball, I got thirty one twenty six Rangers over the no Names over eight runs, Nathan VOLDI Yeah, big game, Nate, Yeah, big game. N He'll be on the bump. He'll be on the bump.

He throws some gas.

You've been on the bump before.

Hey, it's never just won though, down No no.

NFL Bill's minus nine, Miami laying nine and a half colts plus one. Bingo bango, Danny. Did I ever tell you that I was playing in a basketball game when I came out of the locker room and the crowd we were playing in all black school, and they were cheering ship, goddamn, get off your ass in jam, Ship, goddamn Jam.

So Marvin was just doing that and I walked out. I'm like, we're we're gonna get smoked here. Like this cheering section was like.

Yeah, that's Hell's bells for you.

No, No, it was Enter Sandman, Enter white Man.

And the principals leading the charts to ship.

Goddamn your ass in jam.

They're they're dunking in the lamp right right.

You're not even allowed to dunk back then, yes.

Seven shatters the back, let's just call it.

And these were the cheerleaders. They were dunking too, All right, do you have anything else? No, Danny, I just had a really bad week last week and Quinn Yours is out three to six. Thank god. The Rangers are in the World Series. But nothing else is going right. Mike McCarthy's the head coach of the freaking Dallas Cowboys, and I'm an unhappy person in general. But you're in love at home. We are getting along again. We got Halloween with the kids coming up, though that's always a problem

Too, No, it's a couple of days after they space it out the same shit.

Okay, we got a week Halloween is on a Tuesday. Yeah, that's kind of it, But then I would be coming over next Wednesday. Yeah, oh no, there is no all having sage and the room with all that shit.

Uh, let's let's get to bad Larry, before you gotta go in.

You've got a busy afternoon.

This is true, Dan, Three team teasers, two units each, the Bills plus a point and a half, the Dolphins plus half a point, and the Lions plus a point and a half.

That's the point of the Lions plus a point.

Okay, that's fine. Then the second one is the Dolphins again plus the half a point or one and a half, Eagles plus Eagles plus three and a half three, and the Jets and the Jets plus seven and a half seven seven? Okay, fight one unit NFL the Bills minus to nine. I had it at eight and a half, but I already saw Chase on the same size. That's good, Jets minus the two and a half against the Giants, which.

Must be three now, no, it's two and a half.

Ye Then my as my teaser down to seven.

Uh oh, picture day, Ray.

I'll defend myself here, Larry, What time did you send me the pics today? How much time do I have to do this? When you send me the pics?

Much? I thought I sent him last night? Ignored your text?

Okay, so get mine on Wednesday night?

Is Larry getting seven and a half or is he getting minus to like what what's straight here?

You'll get seven and a half, Larry.

Okay, you get seven and a half against John Hold on, wait a Minuteait a minute, Wait a minute, Wait a minute.

That's if I said, Larry, one a second. If I send my picks in like a Monday, are you going to count the lines for that day or we're gonna have to do game day lines? Game day lines? All right? Never mind, go Larry?

Yeah, thanks Jay. Yeah, he's just saying I got my picks in late like you do every week.

All right, I got a fucking job, Larry.

I'll take that hit. Ray, I'll take that hit for you. It was my fault. So now I lost my place. What do they got?

You had the Jets minus two and a half against the gym, thank.

You, right, Vikings plus one against the Packers, and the Cardinals plus eight and a half against the.

Races eight plus eight.

Okay, that's fine, Okay that my NFL games. Now back in the college games, I got Florida State minus twenty and a half against wake Fires. Ok Oklahoma minus to ten against Kansas. I'm a little worried about that, but I think almost for a blowout. Yep, Notre Dame over forty four and a half against Pittsburgh forty four. I'm not touching, I'm not touching the line.

But uh forty four forty four?

Okay, UFC minus a ten against California, and I think, Dylan, did you take California?

Ah?

No, and nobody takes California. They take Cow, Berkeley Cow. Yeah, just Cow, not California.

Oh it's with con You took the Ohio State game? No, you took Georgia. Never mind Wisconsin plus fourteen and a half against Ohio State.

I have no idea continue.

J jmu minus nineteen and a half.

Nineteen nineteen four. Shark money coming in.

Yeah, here he comes, and I and I want the jamu odu over forty eight, Right, that's it, Dan, b lock and load them.

Regret that last one, Larry, Yeah, the Dolphins, that's bad.

That's real bad.

Going undefeated?

Who jam is going undefeated this year?

All right? Fine? Bet it.

Championship once again recapping Dylan is up plus twenty, Shay plus three.

And Larry is zero. Brutal right now?

Uh?

Any parting words? Shay and Irving podcast of course, Weather permitting, weather permitting. I think it's going to be a solo show tonight with just me and producer John Hammer is playing tennis.

Now, why didn't you play last night? Why didn't you do the podcast last night?

I thought you didn't going over, so I didn't set it up.

But if you knew that you were going to do it on Thursday, you could have sent me a note last night to say we're not doing it tonight. How about Thursday? Danny, This is all done by the producer and he just got back from Israel. Danny, this's a war zone. You don't need to put this on me, Okay, Shay. A Irving podcast available wherever you get your podcast, And I promise I will do this before the end of the season. I promise, and hopefully I go over there

Okay? Is she a cooker chef? She is a cook. Okay. She doesn't wear an apron, so she and a chef.

Oh did she make anything that's not Italian?

Fin Yeah, she made pasole last night and it was incredible chicken pasole. And what did you drink. I drank red wine. It was an Italian red full body okay, yeah, and that's how you like your ladies. My coffee too strong, black and hot. Yes. Ray.

So if I told you, guys, I had a bet here that's plus fifty six units on the year, would you would have to take it?

Right?

I would fade it. There's no way they're going to continue that streak.

All right?

Well, I found this hamster online. He picks primetime games.

Like Richard Gears Hampson, No, no, dirty, You're better than that.

He picks primetime games. He's six and fifteen this year for plus fifty six units on first touchdown scores.

Every week.

He hit TJ.

Hockinson for plus fifteen hundred, Joe Mixon for plus four hundred, I'm and Ross Saint Brown plus eight fifty, Pachico plus eight fifty, George Kittle plus fourteen hundred, and then he had Dallas Goddard last Monday or this Monday plus twenty one hundred six and fifteen plus fifty six units this year. I reached out to the guy he's sending us, Yes, the hamster specifically, I want the fucking hamster here.

Yeah.

Well, we probably had an easier time getting a hamster than the guy from prison.

Right.

I worked really hard on that.

I was proud of that.

Yeah, right, great that.

That was a good first task. If you can deliver the hamster. Yeah, I don't really seal the deal.

He's sending us his picks for tonight, and I'm gonna put it on our Instagram. The DP show takes a gamble Instagram, so I'm following it. I'm plus thirty five units this year following it.

It's it's legit. He's really good.

So he's got a system. The ain's just throwing up against the wall. Wait, you made You've made money.

I've made thirty six units betting on this hamster in total. He's up plus fifty six. I got on late.

Well, why the hell do I have these guys on when I can probably?

I mean, we could get rid of Larry.

Who does he have?

We don't know yet.

We have to wait till, wait till the hamster sends it.

Yeah, yeah, he's like you.

He sends him in.

Late Wednesday night.

All right, good luck with your bets there, men, and you too, Dylan, and thank you.

We'll talk to you next week and Damn Patrick Jakes again

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