Episode 89: Bag of Balls

Gambling was something that I did. This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble. One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

A coward, it's easy to have a scapegoat and now join my bad Larry, Shyan Irving and Dylan the graphics guy. I have friends. Here's Dan Patrick. Man if we're having so much fun and bat Larry's not.

Here I'm talking to I'm I was just walking to get some golf balls. I'm at a golf outing balls in the air at twelve thirty. Just bought a bucket of balls and doesn't look like I'm gonna be able to use them.

Did you find them on grinder or no? That's the bag of balls, that's my handle, bag of all bag of balls. Larry has no idea what we're talking about.

Uh, let me sit in get back in Philly White's car.

And that's his brother. Nobody knows the people that you bring up, Larry. I mean I do, but the other people don't.

We've had this kind of thing. I don't care for me and you and say.

No no, No, it's for the No, it's for the They don't know.

These peoples of the people in this room don't know who you're talking about, Larry, let alone the people listening to.

It, right, they don't care either, Larry.

That's also a fact.

As I said, he balls in the air at twelve thirty, I got hit a couple I haven't put yet.

Oh shut, here's here's his excuse when he doesn't play well. Exactly I had to do.

I want to win, Dan, It's a scrambler, Okay.

I know who we.

Think on the scramble team is yeah, okay, uh shay. How is your your mood? Because we've had had a couple ups and downs here, I'm torn, Danny. I got the Long Horns losing and dramatic fashion. I got the Cowboys getting decimated. But then I have the Rangers, Texas Rangers five in a row. Sweet, sweet, they look fantastic. Okay, are you okay? If the Rangers win the World Series but the Cowboys bow out in the first round of the playoffs and Texas doesn't make the Final four, absolutely.

Yeah, I am okay. So it's twenty eleven. I've been traumatized talked down to, yelled at, embarrassed.

Wait, who's talked down to you?

Every single person who ever knows that I'm a Ranger fan, every single person.

Also, this isn't about being a Cowboy fan being decimated or a Texas fan being decimated.

No, this is about the Rangers. Twenty eleven one strike away. Ron Washington would not put a defensive fucking substitute for Danny. Danny that ruined my life. It ruined my fucking life. Yeah, Smarv.

Then you got married and head kids. But the Rangers that ruined your.

Life worse than the marriage. Yeah, which is a whole lot. It's saying a lot.

Wow. Okay, that now had had home. Now that when you put it like that, now I understand. Well, I didn't know there were Texas Ranger fans.

I swear to god, I did.

I do not know. It's you're the only Texas Ranger fan sold out stadium, place was rocking, rooth was on. Let's go Rangers, let's fucking go, all right, But.

The Cowboys I don't want to. I mean, we don't have to. No, no, no, no, no, no, just real quick, real quick. The offensive strategy from the fat Man from the walking talking cheese curd is not good. If you look at Shanahan, you look at Mike mc daniels, you look at the actual offensive progression of the NFL. McCarthy's a fucking league away. Danny, he ain't there.

He doesn't have the brain to compute the fucking nuances of the new NFL. He ain't got it.

He's kind of Matt Canada and his.

Uh that's completely fair.

From the same shitty.

You know, it's bad when you go to a Penguins game and they're chanting fire the offensive coordinator for the Steelers. That's bad. That's bad. Let's see, let's recap because uh, Dylan won two units last week, Shay lost to Bad Larry lost three. So let's make sure we sync this up. Dylan plus sixteen, Shay plus five, Bad Larry plus two. Fine, to be fair like, we're all plus mine. I think

Oh, that was golf.

D We have Ranger football and let's get back.

It's Texas. Nothing is what the fuck? It's Texas Ranger baseball.

Larry, your your cowboys are beating the Jets, the Giants, and I bet on New England. The Cowboys beating New England. That win was good for about a week. So the Saint Swamps tur and shut them out.

You ain't gotta tell me, ain't gotta tell me. Are you trying to hurt him? Get off the bandwagon, Larry. I'm fucking born into this ship, you goddamn coward. I am from Irving, fucking Texas. This is in my blood. I don't have a choice. You go and cheer for fucking the Jets or the Giants or the fucking Sound Islanders. I don't give a ship.

I'm a Giant fan. I'm not happy. I'm a Giant fan. I'm not happy at all.

Nobody cares. Are you okay today? No? I'm not. I'm upset. Danny. Should you be doing this? No?

I shouldn't be. I shouldn't be waking up in the morning. I need to have meditation and calmness and maybe going on a retreat. The Cowboys are fucking my life up, Danny.

But you have the Rangers football team. Though you have the you have the Texas Rangers.

I mean the fact that we've lost three in a row to the forty nine Ers and the fact that this coaching staff cannot evolve past the two losses and understand what they're doing. I mean, it's not complicated what the Niners are going to do. They know what they're going to do. They know the run out of them. The offensive scheme has changed. What zero zero and dan Quinn got fucking out coach. That pass rush didn't fucking exist because Shanahan fucked him in the ass.

Forgive my French. Yes, yes, Mark.

Uh was that French? Also Michael Parsons, he made a person with this disappear.

Yeah, I saw that with kid on the fuck Dallas shirt. Yeah. If you're Michael Parsons, don't say anything. Now's not the time. Now is not the time. Yeah, Yeah, you got embarrassed. They could have put up sixty probably if.

You had one quarterback. Hurry, and you're supposed to be the defensive fucking off.

I mean, come on, dude, the well we were comparing him to Lawrence Taylor, you know two weeks ago. Yeah, yeh oh, sure you said it. Let's go. Let's go Dylan bets for this week, alrighty, Dan, I was not gonna let you recap the bet like all the other stuff from last week. Like, I don't think there's anything to recap, it's just boring. Yeah, yeah, what what.

Ray one thing to recap? Though the end of the LSU game cover I considered I chalcked that one up as an l.

Before then look Box three thousand a miracle cover.

Dan, I also avoided a tattoo.

That's right. I haven't heard from he get violated. Is he back inside? He might be incarcerated.

Are we sure that he ever left?

No, he said he drove a truck and he had the bet.

Dug his way out of there and drove a truck.

Andy du Frain, and he he ended up betting you. He took Texas and a half, you got six and a half. You got six and a half with Oklahoma.

Yes, and there was actually a funny twist of events.

And then you didn't even need the points to.

So I halfway through the game.

Gabriel was awesome. Okay, it was not he was not that fucking yeah, that was it.

That was just a good old fashioned beach.

Where's arch Manning when you need him? Sitting there getting an il money?

He's where he looks like Joe Namath on the side on the fur coat.

Okay, all right, here we go dealing.

Wait, but I had one more thing to say about that.

By the end of the game, I was rooting for Texas because I was like, I kind of want the bread man tattoo. And I also had the under. So that last score by Oklahoma hit the over and.

On brutal washing it you still you still had the You were on the right side.

I was on the right side.

Yeah, all right. That brings us to this week. Dylan will let you start.

All right, So college football Stanford straight up against Colorado money line plus three thirty?

All right, what's the line?

Plus eleven?

Is that at Stanford?

And I think it's a Colorado.

Oh Colorado is not good. Their defense ain't.

No, this is this is such a Colorado. This is a very loose game.

That also, like they squeaked that one out against Arizona State last week.

And how about him like showing his watch off to the Arizona State student section. Yeah, the fuck are you doing? It's the worst team in the back twelve and you're cool when they're gloating.

Okay, buddy, Yeah, maybe pick your battles a little bit more.

They've gloated over just about everything they can gloat about.

I mean they that's the worst team, the worst team. Yeah, fair, but that's an in state rival. That's fine.

You gloated over Arizona State, the Herbergunna University.

One by three.

Yeah, no, ship.

They think they've kind I think Colorado has kind of overstayed their welcome as like the this story, and I think people are shifting as from not even necessarily Dion's falt.

I think the story as a whole is kind of.

Maybe it's the media always blamed the media.

It's definitely the fucking yes Ray Well.

They went from being the good guys the bad guys. You see, Sanders took someoney's mouthguard out at the end of that and just ripped it off his helmet and threw it into the stands.

So okayeah, they're kind of there's the pendulum swing.

He's had a couple of moments there. He's had a couple of moments and tried to poke somebody's eye out. Yeah, all right, back to reality here.

As I had last week, which hit thew in three units on Iowa, Wisconsin under thirty four and a half.

That's a spicy one twelve ten Iowa.

For the six games this season Iowa is under is the gunslingers starting for Iowa this week the new kid. Yeah, I think so cannon They got a big old boy.

Yeah.

I mean you can put the biggest cannon in the world as Iowa's quarterback.

They're still going to score fourteen points.

Okay.

Notre Dame minus two and a half against usc that.

Went from three to two and a half.

Yeah, okay, I don't really like either of these two, but I don't really believe in you see, all right, go to Georgia Southern plus six against JMU, because honestly, Ray Lake JMU.

And Sasha and Larry like JMU. So process of elimination.

JMU, are you fading these co JMU?

And honestly, if anyone is listening, take Georgia Southern. I feel good about that.

Wow.

Yeah, anything else yep.

Oregon plus three against Washington will actually be a good, probably the best game this weekend.

I like it. Yeah, I like that a lot.

Yeah, NFL man. Okay, so I've got the same game parlay for the London game.

London calling because the Ravens are there. It's Lamar Jackson that was on their social media, not mine. Yeah, Lamar Jackson anytime touchdown, Derek Henry anytime touchdown and under forty one, and that play pays out plus twelve hundred. Okay, and both of those teams are just gonna run the ball the whole time. Jags might as well against the.

Colts, Gardner Minshew.

Actually, actually it gives me more pause than if Anthony richards Richardson was starting Minju's He get the one game where he came in.

And relief, and he actually has done pretty well since then.

Gardner Minshew has faced seven teams that have had a five hundred or better record. Uh, and he is. He's one and six against Ship. Yeah that's not good.

Yeah, on the right side of that one.

Yeah. Okay, what else?

Bucks plus three against the Lions?

Okay.

Texans Saints under forty two.

Okay, No, wait a minute, So the Saints are the only team in the NFL where all five of their games have gone under the total.

Which that's you know, that's one of those dicey trends where it's like it's, I mean, the bucks got to stop at some point, but maybe you can sneak one more and making six.

It feels like twenty three to twenty.

Yep, Okay, this is going to be a point and then Chargers Cowboys over fifty and a half on Sunday or Monday night.

Kelvin Moore is gonna have all the secrets to the Cowboys, all right, So yeah, left, all right, now he's the offense. I'm actually missing killing right now. I'm missing killing. That's as a quarterback or as.

An you might be missing him as a quarterback.

It's not good right now, that's really bad. Anything else there?

Yeah, she's probably gonna like this exact World Series prediction Rangers to beat the Diamondbacks plus seven hundred.

I actually have. I also have another future I.

Place on his band way Jake's bitch, I don't I don't get wow. Snakes are not going to Okay.

You're welcome for Jacob de Grams.

The roy Phillies. Phillies are going to rope or not? Yes they are okay, shay, you're on. Let's go JMU minus six. That's a good mood. Come on now, come on going? Yeah, shots in here? All right, No, you're not drinking? Are you drinking?

I'm still not. But the roommate I told her last night, I said, listen, you may have to just coming down to.

Chase. Niked back on that. Wait, wait, hold on, let's listen to this. Gotta be smart enough to open up for Can.

I bite my nails?

It's hard to do, like the one was the last time you got a manicure doing.

I actually got a pedicure like two weeks ago.

First fucking.

It was. It was actually really nice.

I bet it was. You've got damn anyway, here we got damn what here we go? Nothing? Amen? Amen? Alright?

JMU minus six and Georgia Southern going straight up against still in there. I like the Huskies laying the three against the Ducks. Dude, I fucking grub. I don't get it, PENNI. He's fucking For those of you that stay up late, which I do stay up late on Saturday night and have seen Penix in action, it's he's fucking legit.

Danny. Well, those who surely met Indiana knew he was legitim.

No great, no great.

If you could predict it what Penix did in Indiana to do what he's doing in Washington, you'd be retired.

But why wouldn't I predict that? He did it at Indiana at.

Indiana, like nobody has fucking done anything in the Big ten at Indiana.

You know who you're just making No, I'm not.

I'm oh, I'm not that first.

He's doing this in the Pac twel, which might be the best fucking conference.

I disagree completely did this in Indiana.

He was really good. He was great against every school besides Ohio State. You're right way to go. I'm raised impressed.

No, they actually did all right against Ohio.

He did he fucking didn't.

I thought for the first half.

Oh, for the first half. He had a great game. Okay, I mean that's more than what are you arguing about? Both on the Michael Pennocks bandwagon.

At Wazoo laying the adainst Arizona. They fucking letdown games. Arizona had a heartbreaker last week. Here we go overtiming. Uh huh okay, light the Pokes plus three against the Jayhawks got Corvallis laying three and a half against the fighting chip Kelly's I put a future in Danny that's probably gonna break my fucking heart. But I got the long horns.

Yeah, wow, I didn't see this count. Okay, all right, I'm.

So glad I'm here. I'm so happy. I'm here on my lunch break. By the way, on my lunch break, I'm here to get yelled at.

All the other weeks when you were here, you never bitched that you run your lunch b Well, y'all, ain't yell at me last time. I'm also goddamn sure, little whiny. I thought Larry was the only whiner around here. Do we still have to listen to Larry's pic? Yes, Larry's up next.

You just keep dragging.

I can't wait down, all right, I drag them. Here we go, bad Larry.

I got a little three team T's two units, Chief's minus the one and a half. Tonight got Colorado minus the one and a half Tomorrow.

Night minus one under.

Okay, Ray just keeps gool. I don't even need to hear what numbers you're giving me. Under seventy two and a half for the notreed.

It's under seventy and a half.

Whoops, that came down two points in a night.

Okay, what do you skeptical, Larry a little bit, yeah, hilarry.

I don't manipulate the line.

It's also weird. The biggest game of the weekend, the line's moving around a bunch.

Okay, Okay. Then one unit On these college games, I think I got seven of them. West Virginia minus three against Houston, Florida State minus seventeen against Syer seventeen and a half, Jmu minus to six. I had into four and a half, but minus six. I heard he gave it out.

Let's ken Jordan tell them Maryland minus fourteen against Illinois. Yeah, Washington State minus eight and a half against Arizona eight eight, Duke minus three and a half against NC State, Okay, and Notre Dame minus the two and.

A half against the USC Okay, all right? And then one units in the pros And I got people taking my picture, Paul, he stopped taking my picture. One unit minus and a half against.

Who who is taking your picture?

Where golf? I'm a golf outing for the underprivileged kids. A seagert of.

The underprivileged kids in the Jersey Shore. Wow, you could probably got for a higher hanging fruit.

Taking my picture. Yeah?

Are you?

Are you Lebron at the Boys and Girls Club?

Arry's thirty? Yeah, balls and air twelve thirty. I told you that. Okay, go think I think they got the forty nine is minus six against.

The brown seven.

I got the Ram seven Mine Rams minus six against the Cardinals, and I took the Jets against the Eagles.

I don't know seven seven seven?

Yeah, all right, thank you guys putting up with me. I gotta go hit some I gotta hit some balls. Damn people counting up.

Nobody cares. All right, Larry?

Alrighty, I guess we learned. Don't take Larry's fucking picture.

Yeah, he's he got warrants or what? What's up with a no picture thing? I have no idea what he I don't know. I mean, you've seen Larry. Who would want that picture?

Fair?

Yeah?

I mean to be fair. You don't want your picture taken either?

Well?

No, that's because I'm a dirt back.

And I don't want to like get caught walking in and out of establishments that I shouldn't be in and out.

Of whole foods.

Yeah, sure, Whole Foods. That's what I'm talking about. Do you have a Oh yeah, I got a mug shot. I got a few mug shots, Danny.

Really, oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah, No, this isn't just an act. I never I didn't know you got caught. Oh yeah, no, it's not an act.

Of times a few times. But the record's been exponged. Okay, nothing's ever really, I got.

No pelonies on a record. I'll tell you that.

Okay, what does everyone here have a mug shot?

No? Ray, Ray's got, Dylan's got Marved? Do you have one? Oh? Everybody but Danny? Wow, wait to be a part of Danny. Yeah, okay, why do you have a mug shot? Marvin?

I wasn't anything serious. I just got into something and was it a fight? You can say that, yeah, okay, all right, but you got a mug shot I did?

Yeah. Okay, Why are you talking like you're tough? No?

No, no, because some man's game.

Right Marv's Marv all of a sudden talking tough like Jay will do that to a man, Danny. Okay, Dylan, what's your mug shot from?

It was back in my college days, crack.

Tripping, pre school. What then, were you doing.

That?

Was that? I, uh, you know, ran into a little trouble at Red Rocks.

Got it? Did you resist the rest? No?

No, I don't think I was in any shape to resist any sort of But I had some contraband.

On brand for Dylan, yeah the way.

But like Shay, no felonies.

You never had a drug charge of my life, Danny, not one. Did you have like Molly with you?

Yeah?

Oh you did, that's just.

And I took a I took a little tumble down the I don't know if you've been the Red right, those stairs are pretty steep.

So I think I actually when you're fucked up, Yes, So.

I think I was.

I rolled, And then I think I somersaulted basically in front of the medical tent and they were like cool, Hey, a home delivery.

And I woke up in the uber eats. This guy came to and that I was.

In the hospital because obviously that's where they'd take me first. And there's two cops there, like you want to tell us what this is?

And I was like not really, Uh, picture day Ray, you have a mug shot. Yeah.

I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing in college and uh, come on my friend. I was getting my friend out of a sticky situation and I was put in a hard spot by a police officer asking for my ID, and I was like giving it back and forth with him. I was over served that night, and I eventually just gave him my wallet to show him I didn't have my idea in there, and he found my fake ID, so I have actually it's a spunge, but I have been charged with the felony before.

Wait, oh my god, you can get charged with the felony.

So I got taken in and mug shot in and everything.

Wait, so you were arguing with a cop and you're here with us to talk about it.

Welcome to Westport.

Narragan is at Rhode Island.

Even damn. It's good to be one.

I got arrested. There are a lot of better.

I'll see you one whiter in high school I got. I got arrested with my fake idea on Martha's Vineyard.

Oh my god.

And in the liquor store and I saw a cops face like like, I was like, what's taking them so long?

There?

Just calling the cops, And like a cops face appeared in the door. So I ran out the back and tried to sneak around. He fucking just truck sticked me.

And I spend the.

Day in edgar Town jail. And I'm not even kidding. They had croissants. Oh my god, my dad. My dad made me city jail.

My dad made me stew there. I was like, there, what do you want to watch?

I've been to some city jails where they order you fucking McDonald's three times. I swear to God, swear like really nice. If you could arrest in a really nice suburb of Dallas, they will order it. Because they don't have like a kitchen or nothing like that. They'll order McDonald's breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Fantastic love it.

Yes, Ray, speaking of jail, I know I talked to you about this ship. Did you see the uh the guy in prison who's been dishing out like straight bangers for bets.

I want to follow him on Twitter if you had one. Yeah, he is putting in work.

How's he getting the Is he like phone in something and having that phone?

Of course he has no no I know that.

But I mean, like you just have I guess, yeah, just have literally.

Gets on the fucking phone he's like, put these bets in for me now, fifteen hundred on a three team, and he hits.

Like, how about we get this guy on next week? Oh my god, yes, be huge.

Yes we can. We can probably track that guy.

But I don't know how many phone calls you get a day and how long you can stay on them.

Anyways, is one just.

Had a recording of him like he would give us his picks, like we have a message.

Yeah, okay, Oh man, see what.

Would be if we could get him live?

Though?

That would be pretty well.

It's a podcast for the people right here, you're.

Gonna hear it'll be halfway through and here to click and be like such such correctional facility.

Two dollars Ye will you accept? Yeah? Yeah? So Shane Irving Podcast. Yeah, how's the mood with Shane Irving Podcast? So it's my middle child's birthday to day? Yeah? Whatever. So the roommate woke me up at like seven thirty this morning. That's not early. Oh yeah it is for daddy. Uh.

And she was like, come downstairs, we have a birthday thing. And so my kid was taking so long to open the presence. I was like, oh, he's God damn I open them up, and then tonight I have to cook steak for her for a birthday dinner, and the in laws are coming over, which won't be good. It's gonna be bad, real bad. Wait, one question. I hate to interrupt you that you did, but I definitely did on purpose. Who calls you daddy in the house? The daughters, the roommate,

Sort of a right, yeah, you scoundrel, but she Now I have a bathrobe that has Daddy on it. No, you don't. I swear to god. My wife got me a bathroom it says Daddy on it. I wouldn't wear that ever, no chance what? No, that's weird.

You don't want to borrow it?

I know I'm good? Are you sure I'm possitive? Do you want to see me in that bathroom with nothing else? I do not do?

How tights a cinch?

Yes?

Were that? When you go to she's house.

You walk in with the roommates. We have a stake tonight right now Daddy's home. Yeah, she would be so happy to see you. Finally, anyone but Shane Irving wherever you get your podcast, and good luck this weekend to everybody, Thanks for joining us. Until next week, Dan Patrick takes again