Episode 84: Me and Jesus Gambling

Gambling was something that I did. This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble. One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling One another bet without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat and now joined by Bad Larry Shayan Irving and Dylan the graphics got I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick. Very huge gingers.

Actually I did not, maybe because like the Americans flooded in, but there was not a ginger on every.

Block in Dublin. In Dublin, yeah, you.

Go outside and then it's just outside of the end of the country. I think it's a little.

Did you think you were going to see a bunch of redheads in Dublin or gingers? Yeah, well, I mean I've been their faces faces. Yeah, they love They look like bad lay. Actually, sorry, we didn't know you heard it was a different So Shae, you you're going to go to Dublin next year with us?

Yeah, I'm coming down, you are. I have to. I was supposed to go in nineteen ninety eight for a family reunion County Wexford, but I was on paper, so I couldn't leave the state, let alone the country, so I missed out on it.

What do you mean you were on?

Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I couldn't leave the state. Yeah, well you could, but wow, they would have gotten me at the airport.

Let me tell you, but I want to go Hi, Hey, bad layer.

How you doing there? Dan?

Great?

Well, I know you're great. You won eight units last week. Here we go football, I know, I know. This is what you do. Shaye won two units and Dylan lost two units last week. Also, Dylan made an appearance on the show earlier today and TV and radio. So now you get the social media hate. Yes, this is this is what Shay gets every dead we daily and here we're in somewhat of a vacuum.

Yeah, I think people know what to expect. But for all the normal folk out there who might just be listening on radio there, I'll de'let you hear about it. As if I didn't know that. I went oh for three too.

But you did have some interesting logic. You said it's harder to go oh for three than it is to go three and zero.

Yes, I mean some might call that spin, but.

I actually, I truly do think and I don't have anything to back this up. I think I've won more parlay so obviously hit every bet than lost every bet in a parla.

Okay, over my career. So you went oh for three on the TCU Colorado.

Guy, and it was a brutal. It wasn't like, oh this one was close, this one. It was just a massacre.

Larry, you usually have something to bitch about, but you want to eight units, So I'm guessing you're good.

Yeah, I don't Michigan. That Michigan. I bet the over in the Michigan game, and I mean it was like thirty to three or some wasn't even close. That was I consider that a bad loss for me. But no, there's a good weekend, all right, just what I expected.

Then, Well let me let me right, hock you Gohn, here we go. You had a the four unit three teen to ten point teaser that you added that leg right, oh that I.

Had a win twice? Yeah, yeah, Okay.

It's hard to keep track of all the stuff you have here, but I've got you had NC State against Yukon, Utah against Florida Michigan ECU over fifty one and a half.

You had that was a loss.

Yeah, that was a loss I was talking about.

Yeah, Rutgers minus seven against Northwestern Tennessee minus twenty eight versus Virginia Alabama thirty nine and a half against Middle Tennis. Yeah, you did really well South Carolina against North Carolina you had two and a half there. Well, congratulations, Larry. Let me see, Dylan. Uh, you had your stupid sing game parlay and then you had your big dog parlay.

Yep, Michigan and Texas blew that one up.

Texas never covers.

I don't know why I did that, And you said you were like, ah, man, I don't know, Rice will keep that close.

Yeah, I'm out on Texas again. I gave him one shot.

You did have five units on max Verse stopping to win, probably to win zero point five minutes. Yes, anything else that you want to recamp there, you want to complain, make excuses.

For Florida sucks. That game was brutal. Florida State though.

Well, you had to be a little nervous though in the first half because yeah, I was l s U pretty good.

Yes, yes, Mark, Florida State. They beat the axent out of Brian Kelly.

Yeah, now he sounds like he went to Harvard again.

It sounds like it's from Massachusetts. One more time. That's son of a bitch, the boy from Shay. Anything you want to recap.

Here, I do, Danny. Okay. The South Bama two lane under it landed at fifty four. And the reason it landed at fifty four. Two lane had the ball on the thirty yard line on South Bama's thirty yard line with like three minutes left to go, and they did a couple of run plays, got a first down and

Gift to Shaneang.

Oh my god, it was incredible. Talk about a sweat screaming at the TV. Okay, but how many times have you guys had bets where we always talk about a bad beat. I don't know what the expression is when you have like a gift win God, but it's oh, you just call it a god win Hellelujah. Okay, just like holy fuck. I can't believe that. Because this is the anniversary of one of the worst bad beats I ever had. What it was Green Bay Packers, Chicago Bears,

He's not even around anymore. Probably not.

It's got canceled by the fed University of Phoenix. So okay, Larry, have you ever had a gift like an incredible like, oh my god, I'm actually going to win this bet?

You don't remember the ones, like, hey, we'll forget about that win in a couple of weeks. You remember, you remember the losses for sure. I remember one that they went into a locker room and I got like Jerome Whitehead or whatever the guy's name was, out of locker room and shoots foul shots after the game to beat me. You know, they're celebrating on the floor and go get him.

Oh my god, Jerome White, I'm sure you had win.

The usc usc Matt Leanert double overtime where they had to go for two.

Why do you clim Leonard.

Because he's a loser, Lanerer, You have fucking French Laner. It's Liner Lanert, Leonard Lena ra Okay, it was double overtime, they had to go for two. I had plus eight. It was good to go. I'm counting the money. Who gives a ship They're gonna kick a field goal after a touchdown? They went by seven. Nobody cares. I got plus eight, pick six, double overtime, run it back, lose by ten. Don just fucking done. And that's immediately calling the drug dealer saying I need you here now, right now.

I needed you here ten minutes again.

Fuck a shrink, I need you right now. You got one.

I mean I have a good like a good beat one which was two years ago? Is the Brown Am I even Browns and Stillers? And I think it was. It was the spread was four and the Browns are down four, or the spread was two and the Browns are down four and they on the last kickoff of the.

Game they get a safety and get two points to push did they push it?

And I was like it was okay, it was sort of like kissing your sister a little bit. But I was like this, I just assumed, I mean that game was over over that there was zero on the clock and they got safety and push it to two.

That leads us to this week, and we lead off with our leader bad Larry, where do you want to start? L Okay?

Dan?

I went, I won a couple of college games, two team pieces this week, my Notre Dame minus one and a half against mc State, and I'm staying on the Rutgers bandwagon. Rutgers minus two and a half against Temple.

Temples, it's Rutgers minus two.

Okay, oh yeah, yeah.

When I give you one that I expect the same kind of reaction like it. Okay, thank you.

That's right, So I said, thanks, Dan, It's okay, thank you.

I know, but you bitch and moan all the time. You think I manipulate these lines here? Okay, what else do you have next next?

Sea? These are all six point two team SEZs, Notre Dame, Rutgers. Then James Madison minus a half against Virginia.

That's give me another half? Thanks, Dan, Yes, yeah, yeah, and then you got Notre Dame NC stayed on that one as well, correctly. Okay, any you got another teaser.

And then I got Wisconsin. I hope in to pick them against Washington.

That's a pick them.

That's at Wazoo right where?

And it is at Wazoo? Yeah no, no, thats consin.

Are you sure?

I'm just looking at my paper and I have Wisconsin capitalized, so I'm guessing is that Wisconsin?

What else?

Naturally?

And then I couldn't find my law Tech. I love putting LA Tech in teasers, and I couldn't find LA Tech. So I went La Lafayette University Louisiana Lafayette and another pick against ODU.

Why are you going against old dominion this year?

Man?

I believe I've always gone again.

You always Dylan.

I think Dylan like god you and I didn't. I think that might have started.

James Madison.

Was the dominion.

Okay, Larry's jam Jamie, Okay, I love JM You definitely beautiful.

Campus, beautiful. My youngest went there. That's why I.

Fell in love with Your youngest went to school.

Yeah, he went to That's all all of his kids went to yeah, Larry, you're a father of college graduates.

My oldest one to Notre Dame. That's why I'm betting Notre Dame. My youngest went to JMU, my daughter who I shipped off to Hireland to see, and he went to Loyola Baltimore, great school, three of the great.

Larry's putting his academic dick on the table.

I don't know, but Loyola, like all, it doesn't have a football team, so I can't even back her.

Sure if it's described that, Okay, NFL, you got Lai.

Okay, I know this line has changed since I sent this in, so I don't even want to say it. I have the Lions. What is the line and a half the Lions against the Chiefs tonight? Four and a half? Yeah I couldn't. That's fine, I have. I went the Lions. I betting my Giants plus three. I'm a little afraid.

You're getting three and a Cowboys. You're getting got Blaire, You're getting three and a half the Giants.

Now that Dan, Now that's a big half point, a huge yeah, massive, that's a huge half point. The other ones were meaning was like last week when you go over under, was like forty nine and you maybe go over forty nine and a half was like seventy five. Nothing. Yeah that one, that half point didn't matter.

Continue, l might matter.

This smells like a Cowboys four.

Yeah, here we go. Anything else.

I have the Jag the Jags minus five against the Colts. Okay, okay, And I'm not saying to Jet down.

We have two.

You know, I have Wisconsin Notre Dame and JMU a couple of weeks ago for over wins for the season. Now I'm gonna do my two teams, my Jets and Giants.

These are called futures, Larry, we're doing okay.

All right, regular season wins then futures.

Okay, what do you have over.

The Giants at seven and a half and over the Jets at whatever? And just have a tough schedule. But I'm gonna be rooting for him, so I might as well. I'm three units on over Giants and three units on Overjets.

Okay, just so you know, And it's documented the Jets getting it's nine and a half total wins, okay, okay, okay, fair enough. That brings us to Shayan Irving.

Yeah, uh, Danny, I got the rebel in two lane over sixty seven Iowa State plus three and a half versus Iowa every year. I just take the dog in this game. I don't give a shit who it is. I always take the dog like that.

That's three and a half. I of stage kidding. By the way, Tulane's got a really good quarterback.

They do, okay, they do. He was just fucking dealing last week. And South Bama's got a legit defense, to be fair, and Yams got out early.

But he did have a pick in the game, like two can play.

Okay.

Uh.

Then I got the Sooners laying the sixteen against the rich coke heads.

That's that's no. Technically they're noticing smu right right right?

Okay, Well, the cocaine's incredible that campus. I can testify to that talent down there. Oh my, got the talent's unbelievable. It's better in a su I'll tell you that. It's a whole lot of a lot less Sepersphilas in the air.

Did you hear from Arizona State at all? After your comments? Now we're doing an.

Nil deal the use iPhones, me and Valtrex are hooking up penicillin. What else do you have? Shae uh Sooner's laying sixteen. We did that, okay, light laying three against the Herbert Ghana syphial As State. Yeah yeah. And then uh to the professionals, I got the fight in Mayfield plus six against the Vikes.

Everybody going with the Vikings?

Yeah, I don't care.

Do you love Baker Mayfield Junior the third?

I do? I like. I like Mayfield and I like Evans together. I think it's gonna be magical. And I got the Washington Commanders. I'm gonna say that, laying seven against the worst team in the NFL.

Josh Dobbs quarterback in the Cardinals. Yes.

And then I got Las Vegas Denver under forty four. I think I think there's no hope for Russell. I think he's gonna retire after this year and start a Bible camp.

You'll probably go right, yeah.

I will definitely be there front row, just to see the truth.

Have you gone to Bible camp before? Oh?

Yeah, Danny, Oh yeah, oh every summer? Absolutely?

Yeah, what happened.

I grew up in church too. It was called a vacation Bible school.

They called it true.

School for me.

Propaganda.

Yeah, here we go, all right? What was based off. Nobody here even believes in the afterlife. So I don't know why we're talking about it. But none of y'all going to be there, how don't we?

What what proof do you have that there's after.

It's called faith, Danny. You can google that.

Belief in what shows up. But if I google afterlife, well it depends if you have a Bible open or not.

Picture of.

Yeah, if there's an afterlife, I've been redeem no you yes, absolutely, I got baptized three times, Danny. I'm good. If you're lucky, they should have held you under a little bit that had been great and you're baptized in Shay and you just get baptizing in the river.

Yeah, kitchen sink for thirty seconds.

We go to Texas, take me to the river, all right. So Bible, Bible school, oh yeah, oh yeah, Danny, what do you learn?

You learn about Jesus, you know, when you learn about the disciples, the disciple, the New Testament focus, really New Testament focus.

Why do we need a new What was wrong with the old? The old one?

What's wrong with the old Testament?

The new ones for us?

Danny? The old one is h for a different crowd anyway.

Is that it?

That's it? Okay, just me and Jesus gambling hazes Christ out Now you've been Is your wife religious? She's agnostic mainly because of me, But I think she's open. Okay, I've let her know, Like you know, you're going to hell and me and the children will be in heaven not missing you.

Are They believers? The little ones?

Children are a malleable dill. And you believe anything you tell them to believe. So you just get them on the right path.

You're good.

Santa Claus, Santa Claus tooth, fairy, heaven and hell. All that you make them believe. They don't choy Epstein. Yeah, Mark, Well Epstein didn't kill himself, so yes, Mark, they know that too.

I just one question for Wait, guys, I just got one question for DP. Is DP takes a gamble on your Wikipedia page?

Now?

I hope not.

I'm not proud more of an urban addictionary.

Yeah, I'm not proud of this.

Yeah right, there's there's the paragraph that says the downfall.

Yeah, yeah, long enough to see yourself become the villain. All right, here we go, Dylan, Oh my turn. So college football Nebraska plus three against Colorado. I am fading the buffs every game.

You're out on Dion, I'm still out.

I'm not going. I'm so fucking in on.

Them for doing that to me last week.

That was my my first parlay appearance on the show, and I have to get dusted.

And Colorado started that they were seven and a half point underdog. They were, Yeah, well the season started against the.

Bron that's a big swing.

Huge, All right, what else do you have a ton maniac?

Kansas State minus sixty and a half against Troy. This is a total vengeance bet from last year. That was actually one of the repeats that was uh, Michigan, it was Troy and Marshall. I think, okay, that was that the last second, Yeah, bounce off the helmet for a touchdown.

Mario called me to.

Gloat about us winning right before that, and I didn't answer it, and he sent me a text and I read it and it was all fucking over after that, and I, oh, thats right.

I was genuinely mad at him.

Yeah, all right, So k State minus sixteen and a half against Troy.

Yeah, actually like k State too, Iowa Iowa State under thirty six also, I think, uh it was not on the record from last week, but I did have the Iowa under and it did go under death taxes. Iowa under every time, all right, and I'm gonna load up three units on that one. Whoa, Okay, I am that confident and this one is just perfect. Alabama minus seven and a half against Texas, as I said, I'm out on Texas completely and Alabama should cover that absolutely.

No problem.

Yeah that's rude and inconsiderate.

Yeah it is.

But I'm scared of the deep ball not being able to be completed from Quinn y Ors to Xavier Worthy. That's my biggest fear. Yeah, he still can't hit the deep ball. He didn't do it against Rice. He can, humme it. He's got a live arm. But like that deep ball is just missing. If you can't get it over the top of Bama, they're coming with everything they fucking got on that part.

They're going to lunch behind the line.

I'm worried about that.

I know Alabama. Mine is seven and a half. Yep, and it's uh Jalen Milroe.

Yeah, that's the quarterback of the You can't throw for shit, I don't care what the fuck. Damn Olwen says he can't throw for ship.

Yeah. Yeah. Steve Sarkesian said that mill Roe is a threat that can make every throw in the book.

No, that's wrong.

He used to work for save but he's being cute.

Okay, is there a better job? This is the worst quarterback quarterback right?

Well, no, this is the worst quarterback bab has had in the last ten years. For sure. As far as arms go, bar Nune worst quarterback. His arms not better than Greg McElroy, absolutely not as far as no, no, no, not strength, Danny. I'm talking about consistency, accuracy, reading the defense. Yeah, Milrose the worst in the last decade.

Okay, wasn't there Blake Sims?

Was he think what a national title?

Dropping fucking dimes? Yeah?

But then then and then got vaporized into the ether after that I ever heard from again?

Oh yeah, because the Alabama quarterback fifteen years ago, he's.

Selling insurance in Birmingham, making a fucking killing.

I'm sure Jalen Hurts is the only one who's really put it like a good name on Alabama quarterbacks.

But you know what, the NFL, which.

I wouldn't but question Mark, hold on, Bill Moore, wait, hold on, hold on also even worse.

Wait, Jalen hurts with kind of like Jimmy g They they weren't paying him the respect. They were just giving him the All he does is win. They always used to break out he's twenty three and two as a starter. They always did that. Yeah, and then when they got Tua in there to save them for the national title, then they were like, oh, oh hey, Jalen, Oklahoma's ready for another quarterback.

There he did anything else that you would like to give.

Us, all right, NFL picks Dan the parlay that we did on the show today Dolphins Chargers under fifty one, lamar anytime touchdown score and Bill's minus two and a half against the Jets pays out plus seven thirty Lions Chiefs tonight under fifty three, highest total of the week. No, Kelsey, Yeah, no way, he's playing no chance. I smell a close game, okay. And it's also four and a half is the line they're expecting to.

Be a close game.

Yeah, but I smell it's not like him stinks.

All right, what else you have?

Ravens minus ten against the Texans this one. I don't smell a close game.

Damn Well, it's just double Digits.

But the Ravens love.

The Ravens love to kick this ship out of They always have a one of the worst three teams in the NFL. As their first game, and they kicked the ship out of them and then they sort of slowly Fadeea.

Why because I loved ray Lewis when I was a kid.

Did you have the Ravens in the Super Bowl last year?

I did? That didn't happen?

No, it did not. Yeah, you love ray Lewis as a kid? Did your parents parent?

But for his off the field stuff? On the field?

Innocent? Innocent?

What else do you have?

And is my favorite color?

That that? I believe?

Fucking what?

I love it?

Here?

Uh, Colts plus five against the Jags, Okay, I'm actually very high on Anthony Richardson.

I think you're very high, period.

Erroneous and everyone's all over the Jaguars, I do. I mean Trevor Lawrence I think is gonna have a good season, but I think out of the gates.

I'll take five points with the Colts, okay.

And then Packers plus one against the Bears, just because I don't care if Rogers isn't there.

The Bears can't beat the Packers.

Although we had David Carr on the show today and David Carr was all over the Bears and how good they are and they win the division.

He said, justin Field is better than Jalen Hurts. I are more talent.

Throwing the football.

Yeah, Okay, that one I may disagree with.

Okay, anything else.

Shay Giants plus three and a half against So.

You and Larry are both taking the Hagantes plus three and a half, which it would actually I was gonna say, let me hit Cowboys minus three and a half. Put that on the record.

You taking that just sealed their faith.

No, watch, just fucking watch.

Anything else that needs to be added? Shane Irving the podcast wherever you get your podcasts, you can listen to Shane Irving. Uh. He and his wife have patched things up. Everything is on the road to recovery. And uh, I'm getting fed again, Danny.

I like it.

We had Uh we had grilled clams with a butter parsley sauce and a what else did she make? A beat salad with pepper chili flakes from the Farmer's Market?

Okay, what Larry? You got something saying?

What a beat? I quit?

You know what. I don't.

I don't. I know I was gonna win this fear factor, but I can't eat that.

You ain't coming over there. Don't worry, Larry, I got it.

I got a text from one of my friends last week and he's like, does that fucking psycho actually put mozzarella on his steak and cheese sandwich?

And that's the only thing why he'll eat cheese slice steak.

It's wasn't bad slice steak. I might go get one of them right now.

You just reminded me fucking hungry, hungry hippop.

Yeah, I don't.

I am very bad. I'm not a good eater. Eat one meal a day and that's it.

Your doctor must hate you.

When's the last time you had a physical there? Out of what a physical?

Oh, it's got to be a couple of years ago.

Yeah, you should probably do a drive by and just let him give you a once over.

I had a physical this morning, Danny, did you did you? Did your wife ask you to get it? Oh? Yeah, the roommate demanded it. It's something to do with life insurance and death and her whatever it happened to. You guys are going to be together in heaven. So what's it matter? Like anostick, Danny. So it might be single in heaven.

Oh, but you're going to have the kids there with you.

Oh, yes, there's step moms in heaven.

Come on, it's called there's step moms yet, right my stepmom hasn't been born.

Yeah, yes, Larry, I don't.

I don't want to condemn Shay to hell for eternity. But say you believe you believe in purgatory, right.

No, I'm not Catholic, Larry. Purgatory is made up.

Well, you're gonna spend a lot of time in purgatory.

Its purgatory, not purscatory.

I would love to spend time, but the roommate won't let me spend any more time with purgatory.

So purgatory it is purpose, Larry.

Are you going to heaven.

If there is one? I'm certainly, but I don't.

I'm literally surrounded by you know, we don't. If there's no proof that there's.

Heaven, proof, you need proof. You need proof. The sun rises need proof, the clouds are in the sky. I need proof, proof that the freaking sky is blue. You need proof for all that. Yes, I got zero ft, zero face. I get to see the clouds.

People. Why is the sky blue?

Danny is the atmosphere?

Nobody knows. Oh, that's the answer, because.

Of God and the Northeast. People here read nonfiction books.

So Marvin will join you in heaven.

You know what I can't wait for? I can't wait for the parlegates. And they say, Shay, we appreciate all that you try to do to save those hethens, but they're not going to be here. And now you're gonna get a much bigger house and the rest of these show they have a house up there, big old house. Oh really yeah, golf cart, golf cart, you don't have to walk anywhere.

You're gonna get to the prolegates and they're gonna be like, we're gonna have to do a piss and.

Hair test for you. To get.

Hair test. I'm gonna fail.

Yes, Mark, Well that's all we got for Dan patrickticks again. I mean, unless you guys want to keep going.

No, no, no, we should probably we should probably just shut it down. We're behind you.

Just shut it down, shut it down.

Wait, the real question is will we have any clip.

That's usable for tomorrow's show? Yes, I'll leave that up to you. I could get Liberty. University starts sponsoring us.

Yeah, that's an upstanding organization.

Only the fallwell guy comes back.

He's like hiding in the mountains.

His son, another son, the one who let his pants down.

Yeah, the one, the one who met that pool boy in Miami.

That he's.

Had drugs on him for sure. No, we don't know that. I do know that we're gonna shut it down. That's it. We're all done. Dan Patrick takes again. Okay, Larry, all right.

Larry, I'm saying thanks Dan, good luck. Guys.

Alright, we'll talk to you next week.