Episode 77: Couples Retreat

Gambling was something that I did.

This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

One of my bookies died at the kitchen table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat.

And now join my Bad Larry, Shay and Irving and Dylan the graphics guy.

I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick.

Hey, Shay Height, how you feeling?

I'm breathing? Danny? All right?

Uh Marvin? Are we going to have Bad Larry joining us?

Yeah, I'm looking for him right now.

Okay, Well telling him that we'll start without him if he's not around here.

Dylan, Dylan, you ready to go?

I'm ready? Okay. I got a picture day Ray here. So all we're missing is bad Larry probably having lunch somewhere in New Jure. Wha bad Bad Larry ship Bad Larry with a house.

Call here, bad lay, empty chair Larry. That's what are you doing? Bad Larry?

All right?

All right, sit down, we've been waiting for.

What are you doing here? To begin with? Can you turn on Bad Larry's microphone and put on headphones there. Okay, all right, and then you speaking to the mine crophone.

Hello man, Hi buddy.

Okay. I did not expect bad Larry with a house call, but this is awesome.

It just fell together.

Dan.

We're on our way to Newport and then up to Lake Champagne and.

Say you're missing out upset.

I'm so upset.

What happened to your voice?

Yeah?

I was sick the last two days. I feel good, but just hasn't come back yet.

Okay, all right, Well, we're glad to have you here in the man cave. And of all all days, of all weeks, Shay is where are you in Texas?

Jay? I'm in Dallas?

Yeah, Danny, Okay, are you by yourself?

I'm standing. It's got to be one hundred and fucking four right now. I'm standing in a driveway and there's a house full of kids and family in there. Thirteen cousins under the age of ten are in the house right now. So I'm I'm just hiding the parking lot, just banging heaters and drinking what looks to be coffee, but it's definitely not.

Okay, Is the roommate with you?

Nope, not at all, Danny.

Okay, well, when we last left off, things weren't great, so I just want to make sure.

Oh no, things are fine. She got a jobby job, believe it or not. Sunshines on my ass every now and then.

Okay, but does that give her no more leverage to U? Yeah?

I do. Honestly, It's probably the worst thing that's ever happened to me. She's on this Seminazi trip now that she's making her own buddy, you know, apparently I gotta like take care of kids and shit. I don't a plane with three kids by myself, Danny by myself, the babies, two and a half, the two older ones. I don't know what the two older ones were doing. They weren't near me. It was a nightmare, nightmare going through security with a stroller and all this shit. It was, Oh,

Security just looking at you alone with three girls, and they probably should have stopped you.

They should have called in reinforcements or some shit. I would have picked up any products. That's the airport just helped me.

Getting detained sounds great, right now?

All right?

This show.

Let's recap here. I got Dylan still with plus thirty two point seven units. He lost three point for you see, I hate these point four in point seven stupid stuff. Wrong for accuracy, Dad, Shay, Really Shay is plus twenty four point three units? One one point two five units?

Like bad?

Larry Law? What three tenths of a unit or something? That's up?

Dan?

Up?

Three tenths of a unit? Oh you're up?

I'm sorry you won one point one units last week.

I told you i'd be back in the black in a week.

Hot damn, Larry.

Yeah, you're right, You're right, You're right at point three units.

You are.

You're in the black. Fourth of July weekend, Larry, you survived barely.

Dan.

We had a bunch of parties, double parties on a couple of days, Shay. I actually wanted to come up here and take you in the roommate on a little retreat with me and my two wives. They dropped me off, they went to get something to eat, and they're gonna pick me up in a little bit.

But I forgot you were going to be in Texas. How do you think, you, Jay, how do you think that would go?

You and your roommate with bad Larry and his wife and his wife and my sister in law. Right, yeah, her.

Hands would just be crossed over her chest, shaking her head every day. This is someone you know shed your fright like this. Yeah.

Yeah, but bad Larry, his wife and sister in law are going to say the same thing about you.

No, they wouldn't would I'm an upstanding citizen. I pay taxes property. No fuck that. Uh.

And then I hear from Dylan. Dylan goes, I think that Joey chestn On has past his prime, and I'd like to try to find a way to get into next year's hot dog eating contest.

I'd like to I'd like to try my hand, Dan, Okay, gobble, I went on a nice little hot dog eating tear actually over the fourth of July break too.

Okay, give me an.

Idea here, like at a time or a total total, probably had like I don't know, thirty hot dogs in five days?

Holy shit? Yeah?

Literally, er, you know I keep kosher.

She I'm sorry sorry to break the news to you.

Okay, So, but thirty in five days is nothing to Joey Chestnute.

No, he does that in about five minutes.

A thing he would he would dominate to.

Oh no, I mean, look, I'll respect to him, but I would like to like maybe coming second.

Well, why don't you enter next year?

I don't. Well, I need to figure out how that works, because obviously I'm sure there's a vetting process and.

Yeah, there's a whole minor league system set up for sure. Figure that out.

Yeah, you got to go start out in like double a, I like the applebeats at the road.

Or some shit.

And then you guys, did you guys want to bet on this? Will Tom Brady and Kim Kardashian become a thing? I don't know, Larry, do you know who Kim Kardashian is?

I do. I can't see Tom Brady and Kim becoming a thing. I'm against that.

I'm setting the over under on Dylan in ten minutes at twenty hot dogs, and I'm going under put that out there.

All over there.

Oh okay, okay, So if I give you twenty minutes, how many hot dogs? Ten minutes? Ten minutes, oh, ten minutes, twenty hot dogs? I mean, can you go over with bun? With with bun?

I mean I'd have to go like, you know, pro style and just do the Duncan Mount Dew or whatever it is. Okay, so I think I I think I could. I might choke.

I'll go over nineteen and a half right now.

I'd go under.

I think you'll throw up.

I go I'll take a Xanax and I'll do like sixty of them in ten.

Yeah.

All right, Back to Tom Brady and Kim Kardashian. Will Tom appear on the Kardashian Show?

No, no, wazo a chance he's Brady can't handle all that.

Yeah, they definitely banged though at that party.

How do you know.

I'm just I'm just guessing.

You can't say that.

It's conjecture.

We can't talk about Italians. We sure can't talk about Tom Brady in six.

No, there's no reason to talk about it either.

One. I just wanted to know the good thing about there's almost no Italian.

They weeded them out a long time ago.

In Dallas.

Is your wife Italian?

Mine?

Yeah?

No?

Okay, well mine is?

Oh now I get it? Okay, my bad? Yeah all right, well yeah, sometimes we get the short shirt there.

You'd be all right with Italians.

You guys fought on the same side.

For like half a war.

Here we go, Here we go.

Okay, now we turn our attention. Let's see is there anything to recamp here? Shay, you had the oriole Adlei Rutchman winning the home run Derby.

Well, that son of a bitch.

I'm never gonna.

Forget that, that sandbagging son of a bitch put on a show instead of witness some Josh Hamilton's give me no favors your switch hitting in the middle of the goddamn derby?

What the that was? Money on them?

Goddamn lie asshole, bad Larry.

Anything you want to recap here? You had the under seventy three and a half hot dogs for Joey Chestnut.

Easy on that one, Alonzo let me down. I knew he wasn't winning his third home run derby, but I didn't think he gets smoked in the first round.

Yeah, you lost to my guy who Rodriguez.

I had Lad, but just to win the first round. I didn't have Lad, wouldn't it.

But uh went one on one in the derby, lost a little vague a couple of those points there, Dan, But you're in the black, right right, Yes, I'm in the black all right, and I got Dokovic.

Don't forget.

Oh that's right. You have Djokovic do.

Silent. I get the joke. I got a joker in tennis.

Yeah, you don't know the joker in tennis or the joker in basketball. You called him Luka dons. Uh, Dylan, you have the Pirates winning the World Series, your future Ricky Fowler. He actually won that one. Now, that was pretty good.

Uh.

Didn't you have a Formula one?

Yeah? I lost all this. I really need to have a word with her.

This year. Girlfriend. Who's given you Formula one advice?

Oh?

Yeah, I thought it was advice Oka and Wimbledon stuff, Carlos alcarraz to win. Yeah, and then I lost all the hot dog bets and the home run derby. I had Luis Robert. What are you, Dylan, I don't know.

Hey, I had Ricky though I didn't end up too bad.

I agree.

I did have some units to play with at the moment, So.

Yeah, you do. But I've seen you throw those away.

Yeah.

I think I actually pissed away thirty units last year in about two weeks betting.

Okay, that means we turn our attention to bets this week. On Dan Patrick takes a gamble, I'm going to start with you, Dylan, since you're comfortably in front alrighty.

The Scottish Open, Dan going to two units on Scotti Scheffler top five at plus one fifty. I actually really like that bet. And he's also Scotty Scottish.

So it's going to be Scottish Scheffler, this Scottish Scheffler and also Dan.

The Barbersol Championships going on this weekend for all the loser guys on tour. But our guy friend of the show, Harry Higgs to win plus three thousand.

But his brother once he wore a meat Friday T shirt while caddying at the Masters for his brother.

And he had even had the he had the bib open a little bit.

Yes he did. He showed he showed the T shirt there.

Anything else, Yeah, Wimbledon, the matches tomorrow, I'm going parlay Djokovic over center and al Kraz to beat Medvedeva.

Medvedev, do you need some help with Larry?

Can you actually okay?

Anything else?

And that pays that minus one fifty four three units on that they're both heavy favorite. And then I'm actually going to the met game tomorrow for some reason. So I'm gonna take Met's money line minus one oh five Verlander and under seven and a half runs. I've been betting that. I used to always automatically take the over if I was going to a game, and I'd lose every time. So now I take the under every time.

Uh, Shane Irving.

There's all American Day, Danny, nothing but baseball. By the way, I want to look up odds. I want to look up odds for the Mets to make the playoffs. Ray, I want to hit that. If the odds are in my favor.

I might jump in on that with Duche.

Actually, yeah, waking up, Ray, what do you have?

I can tell you right now to miss the playoffs. They're minus four fifty I saw this morning. I think they're around plus two plus three hundred. Actually I'll check right now, but that's it.

Yeah, yeah, they should gas under five hundred. They're like six games back from the six and a half back from the Yeah.

It just makes sure you get it right, Ray, so we don't have controversy.

They're plus three sixty right now to make the playoffs.

Oh fuck that.

But I will say, as a lifelong Mets fan, if they usually they either start hot and then blow it or start shitty and then actually pick it up, so not the word steady of shay.

He would be a Mets fan blowing it.

I know it feels like when Berlander's on the mound, you bet the Mets. Is that just a coincidence?

Say they better whipped than Julio, your Riots or whatever the hell's name is?

I know, I just you're betting on the Mets.

Yeah, I bet on the Mets. I like Berlander on the boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, you got me, Danny fine?

Oh no, No, I'm just curious. I didn't know if there's a pattern here. Why are you so sensitive? I've had your back. I'm there for you, give you support, you know, if you need me, I'm here.

I hate the Mets with a passion, but I think their bets are waking up, and I think they're gonna let Uncle Stevie cash a couple of checks.

What do you have against the Mets? Are you a fucking Rangers fan?

Yeah? I am. But they're supposed to be bad and they're doing fucking great. The Mets are supposed to be great. No fucking bad.

Well, you're welcome for de Gram. How's he thrown?

Yeah?

He's done really well. You done really well.

Appreciate it.

Guys are you today? What do you have in your coffee?

Uh? Not coffee, but it's actually champagne.

They call that a French coffee.

Why so?

I guess Costco had had a discount on brute champagne and my brother bought like two cases of it. So somebody's got Yeah, any time, have a champagne time, Danny.

All right, bad Larry. I don't see any notes that you have on your I didn't.

Damn.

There's no games today. I don't bet baseball that's going.

More than the Mets. What's going on? Shut up, Larry?

Yeah, are the Mets playing today?

Yeah?

Take the Dodgers, Larry, bitch. No, I'm a Mets fan, and Shay, I agree with what you're saying. I think the Mets pitch is gonna come around. I'm not sure we can make the playoffs, so but we're going to go on a little run.

Wait, you didn't you don't have any bets today? No? Isn't there aren't we still on the All Star break?

Well?

No, but there's games Friday and then Saturday and Sunday and then there's.

I already have my boy dok eviction joking time.

But that's all you're betting.

What you want me to bet them tomorrow. He's got to be minus three hundred. No, No, I'm just saying. These guys are betting on baseball tomorrow. They're betting on the Scottish Open on per Sunday, They're betting on the Barbersol Open. Yeah, I have no I do like Scottish shuffler, and I do like you know what, I'll take my Mets Tomorrow is a game tomorrow or today.

It's still tomorrow.

Still tomorrow.

We're on the Mets.

Yeah, I'm gonna bet the Mets.

I think I think we should bet the Mets one unit every game going forward.

Or do they got sixty games? Wow, sixty games left?

They gotta go, You gotta go, god, forty two and eighteen, forty two and twenty two.

Well, if they go forty two and twenty two, then they played sixty four games forty two.

Okay, I mean give me forty two and eighteen. I hate to break this.

Too, but if they have sixty left, they can't play sixty four.

Larry, why don't you run a little experiment and do that and roll your winnings over each week and then maybe you could have either like a billion dollars or zero at the end of the what.

Ray, So the Mets are forty two and forty eight right now, and they're eighteen and a half games back from the Braves, eight and a half from the Marlins.

Fuck, and seven out of the wildcard.

Yeah.

I think that's a lot of ground to make them. Seven for the Wildcard is definitely attainable.

But there's like a lot better than three sixty or seven back right now.

That's fah and it's like five teams they got to overcome in a wildcard.

Yeah, they still get so much like they were probably I think one of the most bet on teams preseason to win the World Series.

Right Ray?

Can I have one unit on every met game going forward?

Ye?

Standing order, motherfucker?

Yeah you can.

I mean it's not that hard to do, right, No, that's easy to remember. Okay, I want one unit on every met game going forward.

There, we'll keep it. We'll keep a running tally of your specifically Met game units.

If you're laying money.

Though, if you're laying money, that's like one point two to win one. If it's minus one twenty. You're not betting just one fucking unit, right.

Well, whatever way you want to do what I don't take a dan, I'm gonna take a stand.

No, make it a little harder on right, I'm gonna I'm gonna give it.

I want when their favorites, I want one unit on them to win zero point eighty six units.

So not every game, just no, no, every every single game. But my loss is one unit.

You're only risking one unit no matter what.

Correct, But I can win more than one unit when they're underdogs.

Way to go, Way to go. Thanks for fucking telling the class player.

It's not that hard. I want one unit on every met game going forward.

And oh my god, is there a fucking repeat button?

And I got one more point.

We can forget about Billin's plus thirty thousand for Pittsburgh to win the World Series. Okay, let's let's just stop you now, let's just stop following that.

I'm on the Buckos today. I don't know why we skipped over me to talk about fucking Larry, but I'm also on the Buckos and who else the fucking Brewers.

Let's go wait.

I thought we did have time where you talked about your betting on the Mets.

Tomorrow, we only talked about the Mets. Okay, I'm on the Mets, the Brewers and the buck Out.

Okay, all right? Uh is theari is your shyan Irming podcast back up? Or are you still on house.

Radical sabbatical still happening? We got to get back to it, Danny. You're going to be the inaugural guest and we get back from break.

Okay, when do you want me to show up at your house?

A good question? Well, yeah, ship, When is the roommate going to actually cook for me with passion and not hate? That's the question I want.

I just want to I want to see love when I go there.

That's gonna be. He should have called me five years ago.

Oh so you're not getting shipped for meals? She has a job now, yeah.

But it's not like a nine to five no, no, no, no, it's in like a real job job. She'll work like seven days a month or some ship that's not you know, just enough to hold over my head.

Yeah, that is the seven is the threshold.

I think one week I can feel the low right now. I can't wait that poor Yeah.

I think a little couple's retreat for you.

Yeah, I'm that you go with bad Larry on a couple's retreat.

I can brather, digest glass, Danny.

Swing Swinger's cruise leaving out of the Jersey shore.

What do you think myself?

That sounds hot?

Leaving out a Hoboken I like that.

Yeah, this time of the year. Is that where that cargo ship caught fire? Was that Hoboken? When there some ship that a cargo ship that caught fire in Jersey?

I did hear about it?

I don't.

I don't know where it was.

The couple of firemen died in that thing, didn't it?

The cargo fire New York?

Yeah, a couple of weeks.

Yeah, I think two firemen died, right.

Oh yeah, they got trapped in there fighting, right.

That's horrible.

You imagine dying for New Jersey.

I think if you're in New Jersey, you're dying. I think we're done. I think we're done. Yeah, I think we've done it. We've offended as many fan bases equal opportunities. Yeah, pretty much, thirty much? Uh shay, good luck. We look forward to having you back in studio next week. Does it sound fair enough?

Yeah? Yeah, well, what days.

Today, it's still a Thursday.

Today, Thursday. I'll be back. I'll be back on the nineteen, I think, yeah, I'll be in studio.

We're good next Thursday.

Yeah, I'll be back on Wednesday, I believe.

Okay, all right, we'll have fun playing nice in Dallas and bad Larry, thank you for showing up here in the man Cave, a little surprise cameo. And Dylan, it's always great to see you. Bad Uh picture Deray, Marvin, Bad Larry, Dylan and Shan Irving, thank you for joining us. And Dan Patrick takes a gamble, and we hope to talk to you next week.

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