Episode 74: Swimming in Estrogen

This is Dan Patrick takes a gam Gambling was something that I did a clever way.

To circumvent Dan actually making bets himself by using a proxy, and I became consumed by it and now joined by bad Larry and Dylan the graphics guy. Here's Dan Patrick.

Hey Larry, Hello, Dan, howy you doing, buddy?

Are you on the Jersey Turnpike?

No, no, I'm hey, I'm on a parkway. But I just pulled into the Judy bloom Reth stop. I don't even know who she is, but around pretty close to Eggs ninety.

Okay, all right, but I just want to make sure you're not driving while you're doing this podcast.

I was gone, but I couldn't hear, so there's too much noise on the road, so I pulled off.

Okay, yeah, that's the only reason to not be driving.

For it, salt life. Look at him.

You look like you're the biggest like Jersey Shore goober of all time.

I would give you two dollars if I saw you on the street.

Just drove a friend of mine in Newark Airport, got rid of him. Thank god.

Well, let's let's recap. Obviously, mad Larry paid a visit up here and nobody's going to be the.

Same after that.

No trauma chized Shay and Irving is still not drinking. Yeah, sober okay until the end of the month.

End of the month. I think we have couple's therapy on next Wednesday.

And depending on how that goes, that.

Goes we'll see when who gets to crack one open. Yeah, when's the last time you did couple's therapy? Oh we do that shit every other month, Danny.

It's uh, oh you do Oh yeah, emergency session. Woo, this is we're falling apart here we go. But do you love your wife? Of course? Yeah? I got three kids with her. Does she love you? Yeah? Yeah sometimes. I mean there's other times where she's like I hate you and YadA YadA. But who you know, married for ten years Danny, that's about bar for the course. Yeah, that's dog ears. Yeah, bro, that poor thing dude we got. I have three daughters. In my defense, I have three daughters,

It bounces My son is more challenge was more challenging than my daughters.

Really, Yeah, for you or for the mama?

Uh well mom, mom had a hard time with him, Like fifteen to eighteen.

Everybody has a hard time. I'm gonna go on a sabbatical from fourteen smart.

This is this is my very smart.

They're all women, So fourteen to like thirty, I'm gonna live in Keto, Ecuador alone and just you know, FaceTime them every now and then.

You might want to just go to the Galopagos at that point, get it a little further removed from the mainland.

I'm safe in Keto anything. Oh yeah, that's and when I get arrest, Well.

Why do you go to Pumpkin Reghanta's like Larry does. Larry's happily married, Larry's a family man. Yeah, Larry's been married for thirty years, haven't you forty?

Damn forty?

How about that? Yep, what's the secret? Larry? Yeah?

Do what Chaquelle's you to do that.

It's spoken like a true bitch, Larry.

But Larry's like unemployed doing the dishes, going grocery shopping.

Sure, honey, Oh no, I don't. I don't do any of that.

Yeah, sure, Larry, all right, Yeah, you're making the beds in the morning, You're fucking fucking.

I don't contribute. I don't contribute any dirty dishes. I eat it raise every day. There aren't many dishes. Yeah, of course, I help, Shay. I do know which ones the washer and which one is the.

Dry all right, so I don't. I don't, I don't.

Sorry whatever, both of the like holes are on the top are on the same side.

It could be confusing with the washer dryer.

Twenty five percent of the of the household chores.

Like what what chores do you do?

Larry?

I give a list.

I fall the load while I'm not allowed to. I'm not allowed to do to the laundry because I mess it up. But I do fold the load of laundry once in a while.

I'm pretty sure. I unload the dishwasher ninety of the time.

That's about it.

I cut the lawn, that's about it.

That's not a big lawn to cut, Larry.

You know what's not It takes me forty minutes.

That's well, how many buds?

That's only because you stopped a couple of Yeah that that should take you about twenty minutes to mow that yard.

Know more than that, But no, and Dan, I won't drink till three thirty. We got a card game, yea different card game tonight. I won't drink till like four o'clock this afternoon.

All right, well congratulating, Okay, you.

Know I'm dressed for cutting the lawn. I might go home and cut the lawn to that.

You do look like a homeless landscaper. Okay, all right.

Recapping from last week, Dylan is the big winner before we go. He won forty five units last week, so your plus thirty four and a half.

Just like a plan, Dan, son of a bitch.

Shaye lost four units last week, so your plus twenty six units bad. Larry lost four point three seven units last week, so you're a little over seven units on the plus side.

What did I lose on, Dan?

Let me ask picture de Ray what you lost done? Let me see you go ahead.

You lost a bunch of baseball bets last week, Larry, So that's why it's in decimal points because Shay gave me a hard time last week.

I lost three baseball bets.

I am.

You lost Mets Braves, you lost Game one doubleheader Yankees Socks. You lost the EXACTA at Belmont. You lost Gabe vincent over eighteen and a half points, rebounds, assists. You lost on Denver, winning the series in six games. You lost Jimmy Butler last week with points, rebounds, and assists as well.

Okay, now my wins.

I want to hear wins the Nuggets to win the finals. You got that one with the odds in it. Joker, Yes, at four a quarter. You had a joker winning the MVP, even though two weeks earlier you called him Luka doncik. You had the Nuggets money line and you won Dodgers versus the Braves baseball game.

Okaya, thank you.

But we had a leader, a new leader in the clubhouse right, and it's Dylan back where I belong.

Dan. Congratulations, Nick fucking Taylor.

That was the ultimate flyer pick of this century.

Well let me hold on. I'm going to recap your bets.

Okay, okay, hold on, So we just recapped bad Larry's Shay, let me see when did you win Denver? You won Game three? You lost another bet in that, you lost some baseball we didn't do well in you didn't do well at all.

Yeah.

The exact you lost that one is, let's see what do I have with Dylan Nuggets to win plus nine hundred his futures bet? You still have the Pirates winning the World Series plus thirty thousand. Yeah, you got a couple of basketball wins in there. You had Aaron Gordon first basket, it did not and then you you really

And then like this is how I how fucked up we all are? Is like immediately after winning that, I was like I didn't even care. I was like, God, damn it, why didn't I take him to win? But you can't Yeah, I can't even enjoy it.

I know when I put four units on it.

Yeah, let's see us open, Shay all, Now I think Dylan should go first. Here we go yeah. I mean, Dylan is the leader in the clubhouse here. Let's start with the US Open.

All right, Dan, this kind might be kind of a sucker bet, but I'm gonna take Max Helma to win plus thirty five hundred. Obviously very familiar with the course, and just he's kind of ripe. He's due, all right for a major win. Great Twitter follow, great Twitter follow, excellent on Twitter. Okay, Adam hadwin top ten plus fourteen hundred after he got decked by the security guard. I

Hundred because Brooks Koepka I think plus two hundred yea the lowest score for lib players.

Okay, anything else.

And Keith Mitchell top ten after round one plus eight hundred.

I don't know. I keep betting on Keith Mitchell to do something.

I don't know why. I do love his swing, but that's I.

Can swing, and I do like the visor. I am a visor.

I'm not a visor guy.

He wears like the funny golf one though, though, like the one that's got the really big front, Like it's not like a football coach.

Is it meant to be funny?

I feel like there has to be some level of irony, devisor formula one.

I imagine you have to throw something on it.

I will actually be there this weekend.

You're going to Canada.

I'm going to Canada for letting you in. Well, I have to get to the border first. But yeah, for the the girlfriend's birthday, we're going to the Grand Prix in Montreal. Okay, so I gotta throw in a question or what?

No, Oh, let's see what Lewis Hamilton to win plus eleven hundred.

It's been a while for Lewis Hamilton.

It has he came. He was on. He gave him on second and last.

Yeah, Max verst stopping fastest lap plus one ten, of course, and winning margin between five and ten seconds plus three fifty.

Of course.

I don't even know if that's feasible.

Well, we're gonna find out.

Well, I'll get I'll get a little I'll do a little F one coverage while i'm there for the social media.

Okay, that's nice, Shay, you're up us open hook him, hook them, hook him. I got speed top ten plus two twenty. Then we're going all the way to Japan for Morikawa, he's five six hundred. He's too banged up. No he's not, Yes he is. He's not a bad back. You know what they do to the back standing they shoot him up exactly. Yeah, but drug. I'm just saying, this is exactly my kind of guy in pain needs meds. I don't even think he'll make the cut. Okay, all right,

By the way, we have odds for Taylor Swift's next boyfriend.

I can't wait for that. Okay, that'll be coming up. I didn't see me on the page.

Well, let's see how therapy goes today with your wife.

I got the raise raised minus two hundred buckos plus one thirty two in Cleveland plus one ten. That's the baseball bad Larry, you're up start with golf.

Just all I have is a US Open all one, all one units.

I got John Ram either Top ten's John rom Brooks, Koepka and Victor Hobland, and then top twenties all one units also Patrick Reid, Cameron Smith, Phil Mickelson and Victor.

Hoblin Michelson plus six fifty as a top Uh yeah.

Yeah, I think I think Phill's gonna have a little little weekend here.

Just just a feeling you.

You know, you're on zoom and we get to see inside your ear Oh gross.

Well, I'm trying to listen to you guys.

You have an earwig, Larry.

He's like a ninety eight Eldorado. Way you drive? What do you drive?

Is that a van?

This is a one hundred and five thousand miles on a two thousand and one Mercury Grand.

Market, Yes, Grand Marquis.

I'm surprised you didn't have a Crown Vic to drive as opposed to this is a literal bookie car.

Yeah, you are running book.

It's either a booking or people who like you just got out of the eye doctor Cardan.

What Larry glassy vehicle?

I love this car?

Yeah, what's not to love?

You can run shit over and not even feel it?

Is there a body in the trunk?

I think I might bring this Connecticut the next comge.

Okay, yeah, all right.

Odds for Taylor Swift's next boyfriend, if you guys would like to, Okay.

Here we go. Uh, somebody named Dylan O'Brien. Who's that great name?

I don't know who Dylan O'Brien don't either, but he's got the best odds right now.

Oh I know that guy.

No, this is easy. This is a process of elimination. Who's Dylan O'Brien? A picture day ray?

He is an American actor. He's in the Maze Runner, teen Wolf, all three of those.

Okay, how old is he?

Thirty one?

Taylor, she's right there? Oh man, poor thing.

Yeah, so Dylan O'Brien, she needs a baby plus four hundred. No, yeah, Pete Davidson.

That would be my pick. Also value pick plus seven hundred.

That dude's uglier and a homemade bowl of bullshit.

Yeah, he's just got the secret.

John Mayer back again, John Mayer back again. Jake Jillen Hall back again. Drake now Jack Dorsey who gave us Twitter, Michael B. Jordan Bradley, Cooper's in there.

The coop is never ever gonna date Taylor. I will put whatever amount of money you'll want on there. Yeah, the coop will never do it. Why is that the coop? The coop is dating you know diplomats And yeah he's not. He's not around the entertainment industry. I thought he was dating and.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's like a goddamn you know Anthony Wieners.

Yeah, yeah, which I mean judgment call. Hello, Yeah, talk about couple's therapy. Get they've probably spent their time there, right, how about Luca John Chick? I don't like it. Connor Kennedy dot com put me down one unit.

Who's Connor Kennedy.

Well, he's a Kennedy. She's got a house in Maine. Kennedy's Rode Island whatever, same New England. I've got a house in Maine. Two you might I'm I'm going with Austin Reeves. Austin Reeves, who's that?

But there's already didn't they go to like a bar in Arkansas or something?

Well, okay, that's why I'm saying Austin Reeves. I did some homework here, not even on the list.

Another unit on Andrew Garfield and Garfield Old Spider.

Okay, bad Larry, you want to be in on this at all? Do you have any idea what we're talking about?

Yeah?

What's what's Charlie Swift's dad doing right now?

Retired?

Well I'll go, Pete, I'll go Pete Davidson. Just listening to you guys.

Okay, all right? What does what does Taylor's dad what's he doing now? Have to do with this?

I was wondering if he might be in the running for the date date and the daughter?

What the fuck? What are you talking about?

A country singer?

I was thinking Britney Spears, sorry tails forget about that.

Okay, well add Britney Spears dad to the list.

Who's drinking transfusions? By the way, oh twenty twenty three? Wait, you're calling me out for everybody can drink transfusion. It's for the it's for everyone. It's inclusive.

Okay, Okay, kid Rock's not going to shoot them, right, so I make sure he's not lighting them up?

Okay, not yet?

Okay, all right? Anything else that needs to be brought up? Are you still doing your podcast or did you have to.

Yeah, well, no, we took a little hiatus because of the roommate and me having to be I don't know present. It's one of her complaints. Okay, I'm not present enough, okay, and I don't have a lot of patience. Okay. And what did she see in you? That's a good question. She does say that too. You're not the man I'm married. She says that a lot.

Who was the man she married?

I don't know.

I never met him. I don't know you met him, you don't remember. I think I was just a really good actor ten years ago and now I'm not. You're mailing it in Yeah, yeah, no, I'm just like revealing my true up, you know, for better or worse. We said it in front of gotten man. You're you're screwed. We signed a contract, Danny, Yeah, you're joke.

What is she?

There's no backing out of this.

What's the roommate's take on your your body art, your tattoos? Like the hymn care yeah Shrie care your back one is pretty impressive.

I have to say, yeah, she, I mean, she's not like a fan of them in general, but she you know, we go to like the kids like end of year party or whatever, like there's a fucking you know, kindergarten graduation party. Yeah, some bullshit. You have your shirt off. No, but like my head, you know, I'm flying tight. So uh, she's like, what the fuck? Here we go get you know, because people are looking at it and they're asking, chick, I live in a very well why did you wear

What's on the back I've seen it's a little riiki ish, hey riker.

Third is I'll get the out of here.

No it ain't, it ain't.

And then on your stomach you got on my stomach, I've got born and bread, born and bread.

Yeah. Yeah. In my back, I've got a whole piece. Okay, it's an eagle in the h in the Code of the Virgin Mary in German. Right. No, then I have some German lettering on the bottom. I'm very German.

We combined the eagle in the German lettering.

It's not like okay, and you know what that wraps us up for this week? I want to thank Larry in his uh old car there looking good. I appreciate you, Grand Marquis grand marking.

Uh oh, it's just awful.

The worst I will see at the shore, Larry.

I'll be I'm I go to the beach. Hot as hell down here.

Now, Shayan Irving is podcast is called shyan Irving. Wherever you get your podcast? I guess marriage pending. Yeah, yeah, it'll be back. Don't worry. We're waiting for Danny. We're waiting for Danny to show up.

I will show up when you're allowed to drink.

And I know your wife won't give us a shitty meal because she's mad at you.

We could just spring the drinking on her another meal.

None of no, no no, because I get blamed, I'll get a good kickoff.

I'm going to get.

Blamed, will chiapo, I'm going to get blamed. I don't want to get blamed. I want to be in the good graces of your roommates.

You should, everybody should. She's a violent woman.

She is not a violent angry and uh and Dylan, our graphics guy who right now is the leader in the clubhouse, have a great weekend, everybody, and we'll talk to you next week on Dan Patrick Takes Again

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