Episode 247: No More Dons

Gambling was something that I did.

This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat.

And now joined by bad Larry Shay and Irving and Dylan the graphics guy.

I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick.

Can you get any worse though doing it?

I really hope not.

He've lost fourteen consecutive bets.

Incredible.

I hate to sound like Shay, but it's it's golf.

Yeah, well there you go.

Well you don't have to bet on it.

It's a compulsion.

Dan.

All right, let me recap a bad Larry.

Hey, Dan, how you doing great?

Hey?

Larry? So bad Larry Shay. We got Dylan, we got Pier Ray in here, Marvin's in here, and and we have an inn turned from the is it Scranton University or University of Scranton? Your University of Scranton, the Harvard of Pennsylvania. And his name is John Don John John. Yeah, okay, sounds like you said done Don Don. It's John you don't want another don in your life, you know, I don't know.

Not after ESPN came out.

I don't can say Donnie T too, I'm not and the tugh on that.

No, no, yeah, he's not coming after me. No, No, he's a good guy. He wouldn't do it.

No gott he or Trump.

Trump dj T. Yeah, he wouldn't come after me. He's in South Park right now. Yeah, I you know, had good interactions with him.

You've met dj T. I've been in his office. Shut the am I missing something?

Back in the eighties when I was at CNN, I went into his office.

How was it?

It was palatial, It was nice, the interaction with Oh, it was palatial. Yeah, I've been around him, life changing experience.

No, no, not falacial right, No, what dude, what's going on here?

Not in front of the interns.

He's fifteen.

I know he's going back to the University of Scranton.

There's no way he's going to a university he was going the seventh grade.

Looks very very shady, very shit shaking spot. A seventh grader from.

Wow.

Uh.

Speaking of witch, why did the President invite Lawrence Taylor to the White House?

Why wouldn't he I don't understand.

Because of his arrest record cocaine. No, he didn't know.

He didn't know. How would he know? She's a are you?

But why are you having Lawrence Taylor go to the White House to talk about physical fitness when he no, he's not.

If you can't play on crack cocaine career, well, that's like it's like Superman thirty years ago. Okay, but he's aged.

Pretty well for former football.

He did not know why he was invited for the physical the President's Physical Fitness Medal or whatever.

By the way, like, I don't know why I'm.

And then and the President then invited Saquon Barkley, and Saquon Barkley's like, uh no, but has.

A history with didn't get in trouble for being a Republican or being nice to the president.

I think it was right, Yes, it was nice.

Well, and then he got some ship I think for like when some Eagles abstained from going to the White House, he went, and I think I got some ship for that.

He's give me a break.

I just.

Would go.

I'm not gonna have another chance, probably for.

The experience of going. I would go just to lose a bag of cocaine and have everybody freak out again because that happened once.

Hunter, That's what I.

Want the headline bad Larry uh status quo seven and a half units, Shaye lost the univers so four and a half and Dylan is minus twenty four.

Unbelievable run historical run Dylan's on.

It is hard to do. As I always say, Dan going fourteen and our own fourteen?

Yeah, okay, uh, okay, is there any anything else we needn't mention here before we get started?

We got smelling salts coming.

Oh oh yeah, that's happening.

But that's tomorrow.

Yeah.

I think they're getting delivered today, so that will probably be after the three.

Hours tariff on them, so we had to pay extra. Yeah. Have you done smelling salts before? Oh? Yeah absolutely? High school? Yeah for football? Yep. What position did you play? Defensive tackle?

That.

I lost a bunch of weight when I went to military school, so they put me a defensive end. Okay, were you an edge rusher? I was in military school, which is a bad idea because I'm not exactly fast, but I lost weight because they wouldn't feed me and they made us run every day. How much did you wait? My senior year top end top end, I was three hundred pounds. Do you know have a tackle big boy creating weight gainer? Steroids? Steroids? Yeah? Hell you what kind

Is that the Rafael palm arrow?

Yeah? They're fat boys ship right there. That'll make you a squat and power clean brother. Did it work? Yeah? I got huge and it was just like water weight everywhere and it was a good life. Chicks didn't dig it. I'll tell you that. As a tenth grader with this beard and a whole lot of gut, then chicks were not into it.

Yeah they got They probably got the cops called.

What's this twenty four year old doing at the high school party?

But they dig it now because you're slimmed down. Yeah, look at that guy is.

Wow, that is hot? Check that out? Check that out? Yeah that's seventh grader digs.

Did you have that?

Dan?

Have you done smelling salts?

Yeah?

You didn't foot freshman football?

Right?

Yeah, I did it, and they're not. I don't advise anybody doing It's just ammonia. No, it's like no, it's it's it's unless you're But if I tell you this is gonna burn your nose, you're gonna you're gonna be like, holy shit.

I did it. I did like a really really deep breath on time, and both my nostrils started bleeding.

It's like, what do you call that green ship the Japanese make for the sushi with sabby? Yeah, yeah that.

But on like fucking real with sabi that will clear you out.

It's true. I do, like have with sabi in the house for when my nose don't work.

Yes, yes, Marvin.

I did it once and I look like Henry Hill had and the Good Fellows when you like.

That was one of those ricks.

Yes, that's the best. You go to the hospital cracked out of your mind. A doctor's like, here's some xanax, calm down. That's what they all should be doing.

Yeah, but when you do smelling salts, don't put it all the way up nor by your nose because it'll Larry. Have you ever done smelling salts?

No?

No, never.

Then I'm just walking into the Tropicana Hotel. This is the only time I've ever been here. Was Shai Dylan and Ray a couple of months ago it is. This place is horrible.

Had I had a pool view from room and I'm pretty sure there was a dead dog.

I just saw a parking The parking garage is like Bey Route.

It is.

It's unbelievably bad.

It took me thirty minutes for the elevator to leave. The elevators one. There was one elevator chef working and there was like one hundred people waiting on it. It took thirty minutes to get down.

And when you think, is the last time they serviced that bad?

No, dude, you're gambling every time you walk. Yeah, you think blackjack is dangerous?

Why are you there?

Larry?

We gave our house to some people, so Nby and I had to get out of town.

What do you mean you gave your house away?

There's a I don't want to get involved into too much as a funeral in town and a bunch of cousins and people had to come in, and the shore is very expensive this time of year. So we just gave our house to a bunch of them, and uh mb and I leaving Dodge for a couple of days.

Okay at the trop.

Well, I had I had Borgatta for tonight. But Greg and Barber who you met, I'm just meeting them right now, my brother and sister.

Yeah yeah, Greg got us, got.

Us rooms for you know, Thursday, Friday, Saturday at the Trap, So I gotta I'm slumming for the weekend.

Don't like the rooms were like forty Yeah, I will not go.

We will not go near the pool. We might eat here tonight and yeah.

I wouldn't reckon.

Well, it's a good thing that you're doing for the people who are in town for the funeral, right yeah, right, right, Hopefully hopefully they don't stay for your funeral. But something happened there at the trout.

They can have the next month to Dan, because we're gonna be a way you know that.

I don't want to.

Ask me the other night, Dan, just like, fifteen guys flying over for this wedding? Why are we not flying private?

What? Why are we all?

Okay, Larry, you assume everybody knows what's going on. It's your former roommate's daughter who's getting married in outside of London.

Right right, And I know, no, Dan, I'm talking to you. I'm not I'm not too I.

Know, Larry, We're on from the conversation we're on the show. I know, but we're on the show right now. You can talk to me later privately about flying private. You know how this works, Larry, this is this is a show.

I do like.

I forgot about it. I forgot about that.

I like Larry style though, asking for the private jet on there and pretending like he doesn't know that.

What's the price is? As I said, there's fifteen or twenty of us going to be cheaper than what I got to.

Do to London. A private jet to London that can't be.

Cheap, probably two grand apiecements.

No, you're crazy.

No, it's not.

Ray from New York to London.

And see they're fifty nine thousand to two hundred and fifty thousand.

Oh if you charge.

Ye, if you charter like a seven forty seven to go, But you gotta have a.

Room for fifteen people. You have to have no, no, no, you have to have at least room. If you have fifteen pastors, you got at least room for twenty. Because you've got a couple of pilots, you got a goddamn waitress or two. You're nuts.

It's gonna cost one hundred tons easy all day.

All right?

But it's not two hundred.

Okay, then then Dan, I don't have to call you later on.

But I would do that. I would do that. Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm coming.

I mean, if you guys pony up ten grand each.

No, I ain't doing it. Well you're not invited. Well, I'm just saying if I even if I wasn't.

Have you seen that thing where you can get like there's like empty leg private jets so I guess jet No, But it's like if it's like it just has to go from like New York to London, but it's like it's not booked or anything. You can get like a you know, fly there for like thirty five k or something just because it's gonna be an empty plane anyway, but you have.

To have no room for twenty people and luggage.

The kind of jet that has that's like a G seven. I mean, that's that's the biggest fucking private jet they have for twenty people. Biggest jet on earth has room for twenty people.

But if fifteen people put up ten grand, that's one hundred and fifty thousand grand back. But is that that just gets you there?

Right exactly? Yeah, that's exactly the point. He just gets you there.

So I bet you could work out a deal for like one hundred and fifty grand round.

Trip, or you fly first class for six grand round trip. Okay, unlimited drinks, get your own private like you know, sweet thing, lay down, lay down, sweet thing. I mean you get a diviy s U I T s u. Yeah, sweet thing like a person like sweet thang, sweet thing.

I want a sweet thing. No, no, I want a sweet thing.

Take this jet to Magic City.

Oh there's going to be a documentary Magic City.

Yeah. Are you going to be in it? No? Well you were in Atlanta for a long time.

I never went there. I didn't.

All right, we can clip that.

But they're talking to like, there's Drake, I.

Think and I could understand. Yeah, little bow Wow maybe sure any of.

The Atlanta rappers? Yes, yes, Ray, It's called Magic City and American Fantasy.

Amen. Amen, brother. This is what it makes America great. Honestly, the titty bars. You can't get this anywhere else in the world. I've been and there's nothing like titty bars in the South, especially Georgia, Texas, Florida. O.

Lord, Tampa's like the strip cub Capital.

It's incredible. But you go to like, you know, you go to Vienna, you go to Italy, anywhere in Italy, there's no titty bars like this just doesn't exist. That is a truly American phenomenon, and I'm just happy to be a part of it. How much money do you think you've spent in strip clan? I don't spend money in titty bars, Danny, get the bar, I don't. I don't get lap dances. Where do you spend the money on the hotel room with the stripper afterwards? That's where

Uh, Jerry Jones says, old.

School out of here. What okay? All right, okay, all right, let's just get into it, Danny. Let's imagine Jerry Jones is the general manager and not the owner. Let's say a general manager shows up one day at ESPN and says, well ahead, a handshake deal with MACA. I don't know what happened. What do you think the owner of that team is gonna say to the general manager, You're fucking fired. Get the fuck out. You're an idiot. You're not a part of the silent generation anymore or in a new age.

Yeah that sounds I guess, Marvin.

But he's a Hall of Fame general manager is yeah.

And he did play football, He did play the champions He's a football guy.

He played the game. What what is the amount of blood he gets donated just to live this long? I mean, he's got to be living. I think he has a blood, boy, I think he's got a whole I think he's got. Isn't that like a Silicon Valley thing?

They do like they yet like a blood boy, get blood transfusions from like a fit younger.

He's got an entire stable of blood boys. That's what I think, because it doesn't make any sense because God would striking him down.

Remember didn't Keith Richards go to Europe and get his blood spun Keith Richards?

Or wasn't that the Tour de France Due?

No, that's Lance Armstrong. That is what that is, more than get his blood spun.

Blood spun sounds like something radio and blood.

Blood doping.

Hey, would you like to spend my blood?

Beat me in dor walk?

Okay, bets this week? Bad Larry? Are you so you're still in the casino?

I'm just I'm actually just hopped over this red velvet thing that has some bark that's closed right now, and I'm sitting down to the table by myself. No one in the place.

Okay, I don't know where the.

Wife and Greg and Barbera are, but uh I'll find him after we finished the showwn.

Okay, your bets here for you guys. Okay, your bets this week?

All right? I got, uh, I bet the three. There's really not much. There's like four baseball games in the three football games tonight. So I got over thirty seven and a half in the Eagles game.

It's thirty six and a half, thirty.

Six and a half in the Indianapolis game, and under thirty six and a half in the Las Vegas game. And then I have one baseball game. I want to over seven and a half for the White Sox, not the White Sox game, not the White Socks by themselves obviously. Okay, So four to one unit bets, three football and one baseball.

O shay, you had, Danny baseball, I'm against layer here. I got the under in that Mariners game. I got the hot Land of Braves plus one ten against the Marlins. And then for football, I got some spreads here, Danny, I'm gonna gamble today. We got the Raiders plus four and a half, Falcons hot Lanta one more time plus three and a half, then the Panthers laying six against the Bullshits. Indeed, the Browns yep, and the Heisman Trophy. I don't know if we're gonna talk about that right now.

We've had some bit some big time South Carolina fans and uh Tahoe and they're all like Leonora Sailors due.

How many yards you think it's gonna run for? That's my question. I want the over runner in yards he might run for, because I think it's gonna be over one thousand. Danny, I do. I'm telling you, I think he's a fucking truck Dylan.

All right. Dan a couple early future props Travon Henderson Offensive Rookie the Year plus two thousand and Malachi Starks Defensive Rookie the Year plus eighteen hundred.

Malaky, it's Malakey, Malackey, Malacke.

I got the preseason Dan Ravens plus six and Afaghans of the Colts. Ravens are a preseason powerhouse. Panthers minus six against the Browns. I feel like a lot of the dumb money is probably gonna be on the Browns, although Shaye and I have the Panthers, So take with that what you will. The Falcons plus three and a half against the Lions. The Lions looks like absolute dog shit in the Hall of Fame game.

They fucking yeah, that's terrible.

And then the Packers minus half a point against the Jets. It's a toss up, it's about a pick them, and the Jets are on the unbattle less end.

I know, I know.

Uh, golf dand because it's been working at fucking awesome who the FedEx Saint Jee I got Ben Griffin aviator man to win plus twenty five hundred and Jake Knapp top five plus nine.

Hundred, Jake nap Mullet, he hits it a long way and.

With us about the slowest swing you've ever seen too.

Yeah, yeah, it's uh, it's fluid. It is very right. Yeah. Uh. The Heisman odds arch Manning plus seven hundred, Garrett Nussmeyer l s U plus eight fifty Cade Club Nick Clemson feels like he's been there about six ye. I like that too, actually, Jeremiah Smith, who's the best player in the country, wow at plus eleven hundred. Leonora Cellar South Carolina. Then Julian saying.

No, I'm just saying, you know what I'm saying.

And let's see who else. Jew Owler Stinks, Penn State, DJ Lagway Florida, Dante Moore who was at U c l A, and Carson Back.

Carson Beck would be electric. No, he won't happened, but that would be pretty good.

His girlfriend break up with him. The cat one of the cat twins and they just got enhanced.

Yeah wait what d Yeah, buddy, I got something to google after this.

It's the same surgeon doing it at the same time, with like one hand.

Each Wait, you got to get the same surgeon if you're twins, right, you can't get a different surgeon.

What if one of them gets a wonky job.

Well, I'm just saying you got I mean, their titties gotta look the same. They're twins, they don't. I mean, one can't get a full cup size different than the other. Both sons both both arensault with each other on what size?

There they see each other afterwards? You get triple ease.

You lied to me?

Yeah? Are they still playing basketball?

Who cares?

I think there? I think they fully an influencer influence. There's more money in that.

Influencing the hell out of me. Doesn't take much doing.

By the way, how's home life?

Everything good? The roommates out of town with the kids, So that's daddy's alone. You buried the lead. Yeah, well I am uh living the dream right now?

You look good?

I feel good, I feel great, feel stress free. I feel like things are going well.

Do you think it's because they're gone because you sacrificed a bunch of virgins and mystique last week?

Mystique was fun. But yeah, it's good. Yeah, life is good. Danny and no Mick Jagger and mystique. Yeah he was there, but I didn't like to talk to him or nothing. Did you see him the no comment? Did the roommates se him? No comment? All right? Nick Jagger impersonation? I do not show we're not friendly. I'll tell you that right now. Why, which I just you know I'm not you know now, I'm not very approachable in public if

If you came up to me in public, I'd be like, what the fuck does this guy?

Right?

Yeah? Exactly what bed am I collecting? That's what people usually say why do I owe you money? No, I'm just saying, huh no, it's not I'm not that's not my jam.

All right, Well that's uh, that's it. Bad Larry at the Tropic Canada in the Atlantic City, beautiful traffic, God's country.

If you got your open empty nester today, it's not that far ride and I'm here. I'm here on Saturday.

That's a good point.

I'm actually bumping up with Bear is m b unfortunately, kind of a good point.

Some smelling salts for that.

Yeah, those ones are.

A little crisscross. Shay, we'll play little crisscross.

I don't know what that is.

Well, Larry was like printing money playing crisscross where she sits down with him. He's like, I'll show you to do shake. It's fucking cleaned out the box. He's just cranking.

Arry.

I'll be I'll be on a crisscross table and within the hour, expect some pictures. I'll send you pictures.

Can't wait for the pics.

Yeah, okay, uh see Larry.

All right, thanks guys on.

That's bad Larry. Uh Dylan the TRP, Yeah, haven't been there.

You shouldn't.

That circus Circus in Vegas love that.

What they have.

Oh that's sad. I fucking dominated the Roulett wheel there at like ten am.

They have been Actually they actually have like a section of Circus Circus that's still actual coin slot.

Machines they do.

And you walk in there and it's just like the lights fucking loud of ship. But it's like some guys just has a bunch of quarters spilling.

Out of the Yeah, I love Circus Circus.

That was like that like high tech. At one point Circus Circus and they came up, like the.

Problem with Circus Circus is like there's so many kids there. Like if you go to Vegas with kids, you bring in a circus circus.

Kid came We were playing black Jacket. A kid came up and started like tugging on your shorts.

That was weird. Yeah, that was it was like, dude, I was like, I ain't your fucking dad. Well, I mean, I don't know, but I'm not I'm not claiming you get the fuck the table kid.

Or elementary school wells because they have like the trapeze artists upstairs a.

Year or two younger than this kid.

Right, they're not very good too. We went to like we stopped in for one of the shows the University of.

Scranton University in my ass, I'm going to a charter school. He just ran away from home and he.

Said, all right, so, uh Ray the producer of this program, Dylan Marvin listening and uh don Or John from the University of Scranton Don John done, done, John, donje done? What the Taflon John little Tequila spicy?

Yeah?

And uh Shae and Irving as well. Then you're doing the podcast.

Tonight with actually Dylan.

Yeah, are you going over Brobably, Yeah, gonna go.

Think I'll wait.

Shaymorrow immediately started talking about a cloud and he's like, I'm fatten from Texas.

No, okay, first off, it's true, I am fatten from Texas. Enchilada's originated in Texas. Don't let anybody tell you different. It's Don't let them say it's for meso America or the fucking minds or this bullshit. Because they think you put some food in a tortilla, roll it up and dip it in chili sauce, that in enchilada. Enchilada is what a goddamn enchiladas cheese sauce, meat or cheese rolled up in it. That's it, So don't let them lie to you. It is Texan and I want to make them.

It's actually you should view it as an homage.

Why do you why do you get so upset? Silly thing? I love? What do you mean? Silly things are a big deal? Kind?

Then not really?

Maybe not to a son of Ohio.

Yes, yes, Also, you're on your way to get a haircut. Yeah, so is dyling.

Yeah, yep, gonna go get a lineup?

Whoa Puerto Rican barber? Yeah yes, yeah, yes, as a matter of fact, you can't trust them.

That has to be who does your hair?

You'll get you with the eyebrows, Like, let me just do the eyebrow.

I make get an eyebrow line.

You would all for that?

Yeah, we'll see No matter what, I'll look dumb. So we may as well just have some fun with you.

Don't need a haircut for that.

We were having a great data anywhere.

But I'm I'm a journalist, so I have to I have to get a better haircut.

Yeah, I'm gonna be honest because I'm a journalist. You look like a fucking idiot.

How about we take the time out here.

That's it.

We're done for this week. Yes, Marvin, remember off next week? Yeah yeah, so yeah, yeah.

We're on vacation.

Oh well, you're just a way.

I got vacation is better. I just got you line them up. I got line them up.

You went to Moustique, you went to Italy, you've been to Vienna.

Three months.

Give me a great fair I just gotta line them up the same time as y'all. That's all right, be honest.

You got fired like nine, Tell the roommate al right.

Until the next week. After the next week, this is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

Mm hmmm, h m hm m hmmm.