Episode 245: Mission Accomplished

Gambling was something that I did. This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble. One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling. You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat and now joined by bad Larry Shayan Irving and Dylan the graphics guy. I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick. Hello Dan, you guys hear me? Yes, Larry, I should do him.

Guys, Hey Larry, we're great. Yeah, everything's great. We're all here. Dylan's here, you got pe Ray, Marvin's here, you got Shay here, and we have you. It's Dan Patrick takes a gambler. Yeah. Uh, we just saw that Haul Cogan passed away the age of seventy one. Yeah, got win me. I don't know if they really. I don't know who got him? Is the question? Who really got the Hulk? Because there's no way he's dying in natural causes. They said cardiac arrest. I don't believe that. In one bit

Ago exactly, like he wasn't doing so hot.

No, it's like a deep state messed up their calendar. Oh the deep stop with the deep state. Stop. Okay, yes, Marvin.

But to be a pro wrestler, to live untill seventy one, that's like one hundred and eighteen in regular people years, that's true.

It's like a bodybuilder. Bodybuilders they use you don't make it to fifty.

Yeah, they're like greyhounds. The juice catches up with them after a while.

Is that what it is? Yeah? Are those actually bad for you? Like do we have to worry about that now?

Steroids? Yeah, you're not taking steroids, and if you are, they ain't working.

I'm wow, wow, No I'm not, but I always thought they were good. I don't understand. It doesn't make any sense that Hulk's dead this young.

You don't remember those ads back in the day where they had like Michaelangelo's David and it would like start crumbling and they're like, don't take steroids.

It was actually like, no, they didn't broadcast those in Texas. That was definitely not They're like, please take steroids. Yeah, they're like are you fifteen? Buckle up? You want to win district BOYO, here's a needle. Wow? Uh, Larry, do you have any Hulkgan thoughts here before we move on? I don't know. You don't sound as broken up as the rest of the guys.

No, I was never a wrestling fan. What was your name?

Like?

Has some weird name Terry something?

Rry bully O?

Yeah, some weird name. Didn't he make some big lawsuit? Did he make a Oh?

All right, we're going to desecrate the dead right now? Is that what we're going to do on this show?

He won the lawsuit?

I thought, Yeah, we don't need to bring up what it was about or any of that. We don't really need to do this, Danny, I think the next subject. Okay, so we should move on from a Hulk Coogan. I think we should honor the dead and say, you know, maybe a little prayer and then move on. That's all. If we could all just hold hands real quick, all right, well, why don't you lead us in prayer? Lord, please forgive

All right, all right, all right, this is almost as bad as when Paul Deane got fired. Yup, We done.

I just found out about this shit. Literally, I found out about this when I walked in and Marvin broke it to me and told me that Hulk Hogan was dead and I didn't believe him, and I got on Twitter immediately and I checked in with black Twitter, and you know what, he was right. And it's sad and I'm fucked up by it, and nobody cares. Nobody's checking in with me emotionally or well, you know what, I'm going to drive through because hul Hogan taught me more

You were to make a Hulk Hogan fan in a lab, he would look something like Shay.

Of course he would let me recap here. Bat Larry is six and a half units. You won one unit last week, Shay won two. He's at six and a half units. Dylan lost six sies at minus seventeen. Okay, you got to get your shit together come football season.

Okay, golf's done, Dan, except for the Raiders Cup.

Really time magazine left Dan Patrick takes a gamble podcast off of their top one hundred podcast of all time list. So this is the reason why you, Dylan, you're holding this back.

That's my fault.

Yes, the goal is to be good at gambling.

Dan, I'm not really a goal oriented guy.

Missionablished then I did.

I actually saw Friends of the show Pardon my take, was left off that list, which that's actually surprising. They've been around for a bit.

Yeah, okay, let's see anything else that needs to be brought up. You guys went to Vegas. You collected your your earnings that Sammy p set you up with the Saquon Barkley Offensive Player of the Year and two thousand dollars. How much did you come back from Vegas.

With Shay was the big winner.

This is all hypothetical, Danny in case, of course. But I came back including the Sami pee ticket. I came back about forty four forty five hundred. I lost two grand the last forty five minutes we were there. No bullshit, I lost two grand. But I will I will testify to this. The pit bosses at the Craps Tables Fountain Blue are the best on the planet. It was what a nana's what they did for us. It was for me. They don't roll dice for me, it was bananas. They

Yeah.

There. I left my role to take a piss in the middle of the roll, and they left me on working and I asked them to parlay all my bets and they did it. They just no other casino. I've never heard of that before in my life. I was like, I gotta take a piss. I gotta take a piss. Piss turned into a poop. I was gone longer and I wanted to be called it doesn't matter. I came back to a stack of chips because Fountain Blue kept me working. Harlayed everything, Banana Danny. That doesn't happen anywhere

Yeah, they've got some wild stuff there.

Yeah, he saw Ben Hogan's driver was there the actual golf club, Olie's robe fust last fight that was crazy nineteen eighty one. I didn't realize his last fight was in nineteen eighty one. That blew my mind. Yeah. Yeah, I think he checked in for Parkinson's in eighty three. Damn. I think it was like August of eighty three. He had Parkinson for a long time that he was in he was fighting with Parkinson's. I mean he had to be.

At least like the early stages.

Probably early stage. What a machine.

And they had Hank Aaron's helmet from when he died and broke Bay Bruce record. I thought that, I was like, how'd you get this?

Anything else that needs to be mentioned here? That successful trip got your cash came back and uh no arrest, no nothing, nothing nothing. Yeah, it's like you were It was like a business trip for you. It was a work trip, sure, Danny. Yeah, I was working. I wasn't you know, getting weird downtown.

We had we had a schedule and everything, and we actually stuck to the schedule.

I missed nothing. Well, there was that one thing I missed because the dice was hot, but that's not important.

You were working. I couldn't leave the table. You were just like ten minutes later. That's yeah, that's a win for us and for America.

Did you did you meet people? Did you you got new friends?

Now?

Big time. I'm never going I'm never saying anywhere else but the Fountain Blue when I go to Vegas. I can't. I can't. Well, they might have something to say about that, true, it mighty. I'm just saying that's fair.

I'll be like, we promise he will start losing soon, don't worry.

Uh so bad, Larry, Uh anything I need to mention here?

No, it was two weeks ago. I don't even remember what we bet on, Dan. Yeah, look today, there's like five baseball games I bet on.

Ah.

Well, we'll get to that in a second. Yeah, I don't have anything to I won one. I won one unit. I don't even remember what it was.

Let's see, I think you won a couple, but then you lost a couple. It does mattera Chay had h Taylor Fritz to beat Alcarez. That was two units. You won all your baseball. Yeah, I'm just an American, Danny. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna anymore. You are up. Freedom love in America. Thank you, Dylan. Congratulations you lost, you lost everything.

I got skunked in the reverse parlay.

Yeah you you had. Charles Barkley finished top sixty five.

Really had us in the first half with that one.

I know he had that eagle that was in the fairway.

Do you see the English on that thing? It was you hit it in ten yards past the hole and it rolled all the way back, zipped.

I know it zipped right back. Let's see, how about bets this week? Bad Larry, you got anything for us?

I bet two baseball games, the Cleveland Guardians and the Houston Astros, just one year each on those two games. And then I got Chris got her up. Could be top ten and whatever golf form is going on this week. He's in New.

Jersey, Jersey guy.

Okay, CBA High School and Rutgers. Yeah, that's the only reason I'm betting them, so America, you don't have to bet that one. And then again, I not for the I just bet him in his daily I mean it's the matchup that I forget. Who was even a Camps? Now?

Okay, great?

Can I take one unit on him and his whatever his matchup, whoever they're giving him.

You got to tell me who you're betting on.

Betting on Chris got her up?

Got her Up?

What a name?

By the way, could we get into that for a second.

He's actually been playing lights out got her up?

Yeah, he won the Scottish Open and then he was but top five at the Open.

Yeah, pretty good two weeks for him.

You make it seem like, oh, I'm just taking him because he's from Jersey. He's playing well, and he's from Jersey.

I didn't know. I didn't know who he was two weeks ago.

Wow, Jersey, we would nobody knew who he was.

He's the favorite, Larry, He's at the face, he's the favorite for this tournament.

I did not know that. I got him at minus one twenty five against whoever they had me matched up. In my book, I can look up who it is if you want me.

To, but just text me.

You text. It already started, so I can't look it up now. Just text me after the show who you had, even though it's not on the show.

No, no, they don't two o'clock. You can do go look at PJ Torment matchups dot com.

Thanks all right, I'll luck it up. Uh shay, you got anything for me? Yeah, Danny? Just America Baseball, the Padres plus one twenty three, the Astros laying one twenty five against the Communists, and they got the Mariners plus one fifteen against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Big Big Jumper parlayed. If you want to get weird, Danny big Dumper. That's a nickname. What a great nickname. That's what they called you when you were playing craps the

You don't understand I'm pretending I have to take a piss, but I'm really going to take a ship.

I did. I was trying to be cool. I had to take a poop. Danny bad, real bad. That's sad. It paid off. I don't care, said, uh, Dylan, you got anything?

Yeah. Also just for reference, goddar ups with Wyndam Clark and Adam Scott, and he's the favorite of that group today.

Oh he's pretty good.

Then three M opened Dan Sung JM to win plus six thousand. One of these goddamn days, it'll hit and it'll all be worth it. At that point, I might be down on some j betts.

I quit betting golf, and I'm doing great, so.

We're almost done. I'm putting myself through the paces for a little bit more and then I'm good. And then Keith Mitchell top ten plus four fifty formula uh Belgium Londo Norris to win plus one fifty five. I think he's Belgium. And then NFL Division winner parlay I placed over the weekend Dan Ravens, Bills, Jaguars, Packers, Eagles, Bucks, Rams, Chiefs, and that pays out plus fifty six thousand, five hundred and sixty seven. If you parlay all those bad boys together.

Put one hundred bucks on it.

I put twenty bucks on it, which still pays out.

Like we're going off. If you hit that ship, I'll.

Go to Macau. If that hits we will go to Macau the following weekend.

How about that? Why? Why? Why is that so much better than any other place? Macaw is weirder, Danny. You can get into a lot more. You can bet on a lot more exotic things than Macaw than you can in the continental US.

That's like the degenerate gambling hub of like.

The world, right exactly. You can bet on people, people, yeah, people doing things. You can bet on that Macaw loves it. Wait, what do you mean? Oh, I mean the Portuguese created Macaw Danny and everybody knows what the Portuguese get into. It's Heroin and Dax cheating. And you can bet on either one of those, either one of those in Macau, it's beautiful semi legal state. How are you betting on Harold Well? For example, you can bet for example, her usually wins.

Aroin's batting about eight fifty.

For example, there's twenty men coming through the casine doors. How many of them have Heroin on them? A B what's the over runner on the amount of grams they have on them? And then you can literally pay the security guards to tackle and frisk these players. And so oh yeah, Macaw that's it all happen, Danny. Absolutely, Well what about tax evasion of the entire that's just it. City State of Macaw was creative for that. Yeah, oh yeah, any of the portrait. But you don't get in trouble anymore.

No, he never said no white collar crime, though.

White collar crime is part of my ancestral heritage. I'm a wasp. This is what we do. Didn't know that? Okay?

Yes it has most wasps. Do you have a thirty eight special tattoos on their head?

Danbury, Connecticut is a fabulous town. And playing tennis at a direction facility there is not the worst idea I've ever had.

At best, you're like a security guard for the Dan Barry Trashers.

Actually that was a mopped up you remember that? Yeah, yeah, it was mob. He went to prison at Gambery is not exactly prison. I mean that that documentaries pretty that's a that's.

An all time that was that a net like one of the original untold ones?

Maybe? Yeah, Marvin Marvin shaking his head.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Anything else that? Uh, what did you guys? So Derrick Henry doesn't have to rush for two thousand yards. Now Sandler is going to put him in the movie. Will this hurt his motivation that first? Yeah, I'm taking a couple of games off. I'm Derrick Henry.

Put yourself and those shoes.

Hanging out the over unders like twelve hundred, I think, no, big, Yeah it.

Might Yeah it was. It is some that somewhere between there and like fourteen hundred.

The line move after the news from saying I don't know that. I mean this is a powerful are read of the line. Is what I'm saying.

It's worth I mean it's probably worth a sprinkle on the over He's still gonna.

I say under. I say under, I say take the under. He knows he's in a movie already. Oh, he wants to look pretty for the camera under Yeah, yeah all day. Don't want to be limping exactly anything broken face for radio already, you've got a really RULLU. Yeah. According to Ray, the over under is thirteen and seventy five under under hit me very under win unit right now, bang biscuit.

Yeah, I mean if he rushes for thirteen fifty, that's a good, great year. That's a great year.

And you get in a movie, that's maybe the best year of his life. Yeah, and maybe they win a playoff game. Sure, fine, but he's in a sailor movie and he rushed for thirteen fifty.

And it's the Ravens, So running game is.

Tough suspect with Lamar. Yeah, how about the cow Boys, Danny, We talked about the Cowboys and the debacle that we.

Need to I'm just so.

Jerry Jones finally has his chickens come home to roost. He's got a player as obsessed with the media as he is, and he is coming back to bite him

That's a pretty equitable split you did. Actually, I'm impressed.

It boggles my mind how bad they are at the media. Jerry Jones thinks he owns the media. The dude's clearly lost a couple of mph. Office fastball Michael Michael Parsons is running game on him. It is the Micah and Trevon Diggs presser.

It's basically business as usual.

Just bad news. Brother, Yeah, not good, not good. Uh kind of like this podcast good not good, not good great. Uh So that's it. It's another episode. We've done it. We somehow stumbled through yet another week. Dan Patrick takes a gamble for Shan Irving and his podcast of that name. Is that eponymous? Is that big word? Big word? Yeah? But it is that that it's the Shaye podcast, Shane,

Night, No, Ray, it was Wyndham Clark. That's who they my book. He set me up with. So that one unit that I want for the tournament is got her up against Wyndam Clark.

Got it.

You won't have to you won't have to look it up. Dan enjoy May and my wife dragging me to the beach right now and then happy how I got to run? And okay, by the way, nice canoe.

I don't know what you're talking about, Larry, have a go one brother. Bye, We don't. We don't talk about that. A roommate may hear that. Okay, thanks for joining us. It's been our pleasure. We'll talk to you next week. On Dan Patrick takes a gamble.