Episode 242: Not Enough Sucking

Gambling was something that I did. This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble. One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling. You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat And now joined by Bad Larry, Shayan Irving and Dylan the graphics guy. I have friends. Here's Dan Patrick. Bad Larry. You didn't understand the whole live TV radio concept when you were up here?

No, I didn't. I thought I was in a different room. Yeah, I didn't have any idea about it. When they told me that the camera was in that room, I didn't even know what was going on. I would have loved to have known that. Then I want to put on a little show.

Dan, So what kind of show would you have put on?

I wasn't even prepared. I didn't know he was going to be on air. I wasn't prepared all everything.

There's cameras all over the pit, danced a jig.

What the hell?

Will you had done?

What the fuck? So?

When I said, Larry, you're on air, there's the camera right there. You can figure that out.

That was a little late, right, I would have sucked in my gut for sure.

There we go.

I don't think there's enough sucking for you to get rid of this. Got there, but it was great seeing your your wife and two of your kids.

Thank you, Dan. And we went and had a little ice cream. They had banana ice cream for me over Sue's place, so it was great.

That's your go to, Larry banana ice cream.

I'm a huge banana ice cream.

Fans, so I didn't even really know that was an ice cream.

Of course, you probably got discontinued in nineteen sixty years or something.

It was part of the VA bill.

A banana boat at Hoffman's in Point Pleasant you could die for. I'll send you a picture. I hit Reds up in Kate Elizabeth, Maine the other day, and I'll send you guys a picture after I get off.

Yeah, that'll be great. Boat banana boat yep.

Oh, of course, thank you? All right?

Is that the name of the like the ice cream or the store?

The store is Reds.

The you get the banana BA.

Used to get the banana boat in Hoffman's. I used to get three scoops of banana ice cream. Reds didn't have banana ice cream. I was very disappointed. I went sounds awful, idle strawberries and syrup.

You are you just eating sunscreen banana bo.

I'm I'm I one this afternoon when you got me.

Guys, you're reveed up man in a while.

Uh okay, So our our starting lineup here you have you got Shay and Irving who's here? And you have bad Larry at the Jersey Shore. Dylan is here, we have p a Ray, we have Marvin as well and yours truly as Dan Patrick takes again, but they're the former for formal introduction. By the way, your hair, Shay, I know, long.

Got to get a cut. I don't know. Well the room told me not to cut it before Italy. She thought they'd be inappropriate. I acquiesced because I'm a baby, but I should have just But what is what is inappropriate means with tattoos. She was worried about because we were staying in like nice places and ship and you know whatever. Okay, you gotta get that.

How fast does your hair grow in?

Like a couple of weeks? Yeah, a couple of weeks on the side, Yeah, it looks your hair looks good long.

Oh yeah, kind of like boy band, you know, one of those all when he was in a boy band, and then they see you after and they go, he's still got the same guy, He's still got gone whatever have. I always feel bad for those child stars.

They Amanda Vines you seen her lately.

Holy Ship.

That is unfortunate.

But that's drugs and stuff too.

But that's all comes with that tends to come on.

Grande was a child star.

She worked out.

They kind of they kind of do that. They that looks like they redid her face.

They did a few versions.

I can counter ribs from half a mile away.

You what, that's not good.

She couldn't have done Italy too much, Bosta. I bet she's never even been to Italy. Yeah, carb, she can't eat car.

You've never been to Italy?

Yeah, yeah she can't. Yeah.

People knew that one day we would be calling out Ariana Grande.

That's it for not going to Italy. Yes, yes, has been in Italy.

Italy.

He just got back.

Yeah. Yeah.

Texas for Juneteenth.

Yeah, Juneteenth was in Dallas. That was great. I had a celebration. What you do. We had barbecue and went to a uh there was like a they shut down the streets in Plano and did like a celebration and ship music all that stuff.

Yes, but it's funny because Shade being from Texas, that's always been the thing in Texas at family out in Houston, out in Missouri City and it's always happy Juneteenth. We were like, we're here in Connecticut, what's Juneteenth? Yeah, unless you went to like an African American studies course, you didn't know what Juneteenth was.

They weren't teaching it at my school.

Yeah, it's been a state holiday forever. Like none of the government employees work. It's always just been everybody just kind of kicks it.

But did you say that Texas kind of needed to do this given their history.

That's kind of embarrassing. I mean, it was the last Confederate stronghold. Like they were like, oh, they're free, let's give it two years. Let's fucking see, maybe we'll turn this motherfucker around. Wow, it's one four.

Don't jump ship yet, guys, sticking to our goods, all right?

Bad Larry lost two units last week. He's still up two and a half. Shaye lost two units, Yere minus one and a half.

That's a comeback, Danny, don't don't call it.

A coming till in one one unit. He's minus three.

So you guys are.

Getting all these shitty picks out of the way until football season. Yeah, we got another month ish to go before it starts to get real. That happened quick, it did. We're going into July.

Larry, I hear you guys right now. I need your help. I'm sitting outside rays obviously, I just walked out a raise. I'm in my car. I just turned my car on to get a little air conditioning going on, and the phone and the phone went right to bluetooth, and I couldn't hear you, guys. So I had to turn the phone off, I mean a car off, so I can hear you guys. So now I'm sweltering in uh inside the car. I need some technical advice to how to so I don't have it on bluetooth. I don't know.

How about you turn on the car and wind down the windows.

Turn off your Bluetooth on the phone, Larry, All right, No, no, there's no way.

You're gonna want to get a garden hose and attach it to the exhaust.

This is what the people want to hear. This is what the people want to hear.

I got you on speakerphone now now I'm starting the car.

All right, everything good, whatever.

And we're good. We're still good.

Okay, hell yeah, all right yeah, round of applause for bad.

That was awesome.

Uh, darts this weekend?

Yeah?

Yeah, is bad? Larry going?

Larry?

No, went right back. Now. I can't hear you, guys.

Perfect, all right, that's good, okay.

Barely so I got audio, Get off audio. Okay, now I think I think I did it. Okay, I can hear you.

No, see, I think you thought he was being funny by acting like he couldn't hear you, and then he's not going to go to darts. I think he couldn't.

Hear you because it's just it was perfect. Yeah, Larry, Are you coming to darts.

Or what what? They're having a dark tournament somewhere right?

Yeah?

Yeah? Are you guys just going out and playing darts?

We're going to the garden.

No, there's a there's a darts competition.

Of the US Darts Masters.

At the garden tomorrow right tomorrow tomorrow Friday.

At the garden. My daughter's down here now and I want to ride back. She wants to ride back to Manhattan. Oh, perfect, this might this might work out. Are you guys definitely going in?

Yeah for sure?

What time time?

It starts at seven thirty? Will be there around six or thirty?

Yeah, seven in the morning tomorrow.

Yeah, it'll be six thirty tomorrow night. I'll just tell my daughter and drop. We'll discuss this off the air. I'm coming all right, cold squad.

Uh.

By the way, Katie Perry Orlando Bloom, what splitz really.

Good for Orlando? Yeah? She killed nuns.

Well, she took away their convent.

She killed them. A nun died in court begging her not to steal her comment as she said, it's mine.

They do have odds of who will date her next. John Mayer uh, Pedro Pascal h.

He is not in the market for Katy Perry.

He might be in the market for John Mayer correct Perry styles.

I think he could be in the market for me.

I think he's more fluid.

You know, the whole Katy Perry thing. No, but she she I don't know that, a whole American idol thing. And then I think she tried to recapture Katy Perry. You know, ten years ago.

It was the American Idol thing, just her being in Judge Judge.

Yeah, but and then all of a sudden she tried to sex it up and then she was in like Paris, and like the more clothes you take off, it feels like the more.

Desperate you are with your career. But when you get older, you get older, you start taking clothes off.

Also, like what seven people watch fucking American Idol? Now, I mean that was that's I don't.

Know if that's true, but I mean she did make a lot of money there. Yeah, but I mean Katy Perry kind of had a window and that's it.

Run of some bangers there for a while.

Dude, my kids love Katy Perry. The daughters listening to Katy Perry's old.

Shit like yeah, yeah, I mean the old stuff.

Okay, just crazy. How do they know who the hell she is?

She took a big pr hit with the whole Blue Origin things.

The non thing Blue Origin. It's not not a great hit list.

And then Orlando bloom Is going to Jeff Bezos in Lauren Sanchez's wedding and going solo.

No, not anymore.

It's called Venzia.

I think they pushed them out. No, the Venetians.

Did you see a sailboat Have you seen that there?

Yeah, it's nuts.

It's like a four hundred million dollars sailboat. Three mass, it's like four hundred feet long.

Which clearly runs on like motor too.

They just have the mass for it runs on souls of the unemployed.

Yeah, it's crazy, but they have the people in Venice kind of like we're protesting them having the wedding there because they basically rented out the city for like fifty million dollars or something, and they're like you.

They did like a bubble bath party, like a phone party.

Yeah, actually on the boat, on the sailboat.

I just keep I'm looking for a picture where she's not holding on for dear life to him every single I don't care how in love you are.

She's smart. Never let that man go. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of like the fact that he's dating somebody in his own age racket, like I enjoy that.

Well, she's trying desperately to look about thirty years younger and it is failing.

Yeah, though, he's on so much stuff.

Dude, he's like the liver king.

Yeah, oh, that poor guy. You hear about livery terrorism.

Yeah, and then he was like, he said he was bringing him a present.

Yeah, he was going to show up and beat him up. Terrorism. That's a Patriot Acts ship right there. Yeah.

I don't want to mess with Rogan.

He actually knows how to fight.

Yeah. I don't either. But if I threatened him and they rested me for terrorism, I'd be like, all.

Right, that seems like a stretch.

Yeah, that's like federal ship.

You think you could take Joe Rogan?

Okay, no, no, no, But I don't think I should be charged with terrorism if I try to. Yeah, it seems a little Yes, you probably get deported right after it. It feels like everybody's getting deported by the way.

The Mets reliever. Uh, Dickie Love lady. Have you heard that about this guy bad Larry.

Yes, it's Richard Loved Lady. But he wants to go by his nickname Dickie.

Hell.

Yeah, I think I just go dick Love Lady, Like, make it really simple, dick Love lady, Lady. No, I don't need Dicky Dick Love Lady. Okay, tell some drink man woman, you know, lady. Okay, I don't know if we need an accent there.

Well it's like a robot. Yeah.

Oh is that what?

Yeah, it was programmed.

Oh let me let me hear it again, dick lady.

That's like when the robots come. I have to replenish because nobody's having kids anymore.

I robot from uh Connecticut. Yeah, you're not having any more kids?

No or not? Why don't you have one? Well, we had a scare. I think I told you this. That was a while ago. Yeah, and then the roommate was like, that scare really fucking scared me. So I don't want to.

Do this shit if you didn't, Oh, so you're not she doesn't.

Want a fourth.

No, there's a good number.

No, but I'm not getting snipped if.

You didn't have your third, yeah, you had a different version of your third now.

No, no, no, it's not that. It's the gap. We waited too long between the second and third. It's a four year gap between them. We should have been eighteen months. You had four kids so far apart today seven years, yes, four and seven exactly. Yeah, that's what you gotta do.

Yeah, okay, anything to recap bad Larry.

Would Shay have won the m v P if they lost? I mean who if Indiana won, who You couldn't give it to Haliburt because he was played seven minutes the last game. He had two bad games.

You have to give it probably he was no m v P.

N A Smith and knee Blar or wherever their names are. You couldn't give it anybody in Indiana.

They're not giving it to They're not giving it a tool lost. Now.

I know they did that with Jerry West, but Jerry West.

The only one this environment, in this environment, they would never give it tool.

Although I think there was an NBA Finals where they thought about Lebron That sound right, Marvin.

In twenty fifteen.

Yeah, No, Kevin loved no Kyrie and the Warriors the six and they were like, who guarded Lebron?

So just give it to Andre?

He only nine.

Imagine if he didn't guard him.

Was that the series that he made that block on the on the no next year? Yeah?

Man, that was nasty.

Uh, let's see, Shay.

Was he was unanimous right for the m v P. I mean there was no question.

I think I think so, yes, yes, who given to? Uh maybe the white guy McConnell.

Yeah, we're talking, he's white in the NBA he's.

A guy who comes off the bench. When's the m v P.

I don't maybe a he's white in the NBA. He's a unicorn.

Yeah, you've got a great on a curve here. Uh and grind Dylan didn't have much here.

I did have Keegan Bradley top five.

Then okay, I'm going to give you a plus six hundred for that.

Yeah.

Basically still middled out though with all the other aus.

Shade does not know how to bet golf. Damn beating the ship.

Out, I know, I know, Well that leads us to this week. It's bad Larry leading in the clubhouse one.

Dan, I want just the Dodgers are playing in Colorado. They're over under team over under seven and a half runs. Yeah, so I'm taking Dodgers over seven and a half runs. And then they were laying three to one on the money line. So given two runs are laying minus one sixty, So give me the Dodgers minus the two runs minus one sixty, and then I want the Mets money line minus one ten, one fifteen.

Whatever it is, plus minus one fifteen messater plus money.

I got minus one fifteen.

Really like today plus money. This morning I'll look again. No, it's fine, it's fine us like I'm getting screwed on that said, it sounds like smart money. Bet on our mets and and move the line to minus.

Yeah. Okay, well they're my three best for the week, Dan, I mean, well my three best for today. There'll be plenty more.

Of course. Yeah, the ones that you never hear about it.

You always hit.

Yeah, you always get those.

Oh no, I haven't been hitting them, but there's gonna be more.

You're the Floyd Mayweather of gambling. You just tell me when you win.

Yeah, and you can't read.

Oh dude, fifty cent is so mean for that.

But you know, this is how this gambling podcast started. Floyd, no Larry, because Larry would always tell me, oh, man, I had that one. I nailed that one, And I go, why don't we just document this?

Larry prove it.

It was more like Dan, like, how did you what were you thinking in that game last night? And I said, well, yeah, I had him, Dan. It was like very innocent on my part. Oh yeah, and.

I called him on it.

Football season. I think I won every football season we've been doing this, Dam.

Just so you know, Larry is a machine at the casino too.

Yeah you are, but you think you're in first place with just football bets every season.

I definitely want them.

Yeah, I don't know.

Dylan won didn't one? Yeah, exactly one playoff run. Now here's no no Dylan, I think lead.

Yeah he led going into playoffs.

Two.

Well we need to do, ray is actually do a winning percentage, not units, because Larry comes in here and throws thirty four units on some fucking bet. We need winning percentages.

Well, you're only allowed to bet five units, saying filling's the one with the eight leg parlayser, try and win twenty five units. Just won six units? Yeah this week?

Yeah, I'm the man, Larry, all right, shake, I have never won a golf bet.

You be both all right sha? Yeah. I got the Rockies actually plus two forty five. I think it is against the door years. And then I got the Mets. They were plus one fifteen, but now they're minus one fifteen.

Wait, Ray, what is it?

It's minus one fifteen? Yeah, this park by accident.

Yeah, so it is minus one fifteen.

Correct.

Do you still want the Mets minus one?

I do?

Yeah, okay, yeah, pick them with the juice.

I got some ponies and oh okay, and what yeah Tennis, okay, I'm going at a different angle.

So no golf, no, absolutely not, different country clubs.

Awful game. I think we should put a terriff on golf. He's not American. They brought it in.

That's out of it from Tariff Scotland.

Yeah, hell yah, get him out of here. Hawthorne Race six. You're gonna key the six with the one, five seven and then hit a five six seven, try box and then Gulf Stream Park Race four, key the two, then the three and then hit your three four seven and you know, opposite of the two and the three. See what happens there. Tennis, I got Michelson laying one ten against a guy named Roberto Bautista a goot, and then I got the over total games there twelve and a

Yeah hell yah, yeah, okay, all right, dyl all.

Right, Dan Rocket Classic. I got Ben Griffin to win plus twenty two hundred.

He's been a big surprise this year.

Yeah, rocks to Aviators too.

Kind of formidable.

Ricky foul Or top ten plus two, ten and Cam Young top ten plus two.

But Ricky won this a couple of years ago.

Yeah, it was first win in like six years or something like that.

He won with his wife though.

Yeah, yeah she and uh what she's like a pole vaulter.

Like yeah something golfers wives, man.

And they're all shorter than their wives too, they are. Yeah, they're all small. Yeah, like Ricky's like five seven or something. He's he's a little dud seven damn. Yeah, might be short tall anything else. Yeah, Dan, Club World Cup soccer. I haven't watched a second of it, but I got a little parlay for today. Uvent this money line against Man City and then Erling Holland anytime goalscorer and Dusan Vajavic anytime goal score and that's plus thirty two hundred.

Where's Juventus Italy? I think?

Yeah, okay, ye, but they're playing in Florida.

What Yeah, it's like the Club World Cup seatans there.

Yeah, oh that.

Was that was part of the impetus.

Okay, yeah, Seatan's there with his son.

I was like, Seaton's going to be there, so I should not be there and just bet on it, okay, just ask him to bet on No, I just I just slapped it together. Juventus was a dog earling Holland's good. He was like almost even money to.

Score anything else?

Uh yeah, Dan Ufc Charles Olivera the submission guy. I have him to win by submission over Ilia Topuria plus seven fifty Saturday night.

He was all just Brazilian.

Yeah, I think, I think, yeah, I just it's a good assumption that if you don't know that they're Brazilian.

Yeah, anything else, Cooper Flags of Maverick.

Yeah, I'm not taking him to win Rookie of the Year.

I heard, but why not?

I don't know, just that feelings.

I know what it's Mike An anti white racism. It's real.

Then we've been meaning to talk to you.

Actually we do have to sit down.

I told Dylan I never get credit for being semitic. No one ever goes, hey, you know what, you're pretty semitic.

Yeah, I'm still giving you some semitic points. Then that point, thank you, thank you? Yeah, Yeah, you're fucked. You're not getting any extra the.

Biggest Zionist at the table. I don't know what y'all are talking about. No, you're not.

Oh, yes, I love Zion Williamson.

I don't know.

Okay, Marvin loves he loves the Instagram.

Who I told you in confidence?

No? No, yeah, what's up with that? You got to figure if you're an NBA player, this instag damn ship is the devil. It's the devil.

But it's the first time they've had true access. That's what I mean. Tit these type of.

Women's did you say, Titty's wind. You used to have to go these women, like you said, but also yes, you used to have.

To go find these women and go to the places they hang out and like you know, search them out. Now they're just everywhere throwing themselves at m and you fly them out and god knows what happens.

They can google your contract too, like you make how much they have.

They have all their extortion figures lined up before.

They was before Instagram.

So with Tiger, yeah Tiger got at but Jeter got out unscathed. Yeah Tiger did not.

Tiger's Tiger got quite scared.

Tiger burned it down. Yeah, brother, like a cage.

Did you see the videos have been like getting off like the PJ with Barkley and Jordan and Vegas and stuff. And he's just wearing the like Neo from the Matrix sunglasses like that. Guy's going to absolutely just lay pipe where there's like dorky. His pants are like button that is like belly button.

He's like eating sleeping pills but pushing through just to get high.

Yeah, he's getting talking to the ambient Walrus.

Ladies allegedly.

I don't remember we're saying this as like an homage, like it's a respect.

I don't think.

I don't think he looks at it as an homage.

No, he definitely doesn't.

Yeah, I think it's great. You gotta steam get it.

Golf needed a bad boy to Yeah.

The other one was lame. You know. We had John Daily and yeah he's cool. But Gretzky's husband, Johnson, he allegedly drugs.

He allegedly definitely did a.

B and his wife is now not on We don't see her that very very often.

Why would you drug test professional athletes, like for drugs just the performance enhancing ones? You should, but not like recreational drugs.

I think that's just them. That's more like teams probably covering their asses than any like you know if they just signed some guy for fifty guys drink on tour. Yeah, yeah, I think that's kind of crazy.

Smoke crack at halftime.

Allegedly you're definitely more likely to get into trouble from drinking than doing coke.

Yes, Ray, we can throw out the allegedly ESPN Dustin Johnson suspended for cocaine use in twenty fourteen.

Remember he like fell down the stairs right the night before the tournament to something and hurt his back. Yeah.

Remember Ron Washington, Ranger manager, got suspended for crack.

Do you remember this old didn't he just step away from managing?

Yeah? Again? Yeah, dude, speaking of my favorite coach of all time in baseball.

Speaking of crack too, if you watched the Rob Ford documentary The Toronto.

Mayor, remember that favorite Canadian politicians.

It is electric.

He was.

The amount of photographs that people had of him smoking crack was like the funny I'm like, dude, look around. It was like a digs thing and like just open your eyes a little bit. Amazing what people didn't care.

Yes, Ray cocaine not cracked for Ron Washington.

No, it was rock. It had to be.

I'm seeing cocaine from Sports Illustrats.

Well, the reporter said it was rock, which makes me think highly of Ron. It's much harder, it's much better. What is crack feel like? Well, it feels a good way to put it. It's the first time you smoke it, the very first time. It's like getting your bell rung. By God, it's just an entire sensation over your whole body that just bamn, just slams you into the next dimension and you were fucking off and you are good to go.

Yes, Marvin, after that, are you just chasing that same tatting.

That high the rest of your life? Yes, And you'll never catch it. You'll never It's a dragon. You can't catch your dragon, Bubba.

Yes, sorry, one more thing before we go. One of my friends said he tried heroin once. Yeah, and he said, I've never felt that good in my life. Don't you ever try it?

Yeah, that's the problem with it.

Yeah, it's not like it sucks and people are like, maybe if I keep trying to get there.

It's like every single organism in your body just fucking relaxes. It's crazy. Not good kids don't do that. But cracks different.

No, it's not.

It's way more versatile.

It's safer now. Actually it's much.

Safer and it has less like cutting agents because you cook out the bad stuff.

And that's damn. Patrick takes a gamble for god, you know what. That's on me. That's on me. I brought up. I asked the question, this is where curiosity, you know, this is why you're so.

You know, there's a doctor at Columbia University, doctor Carl Hart, who is an active heroin user, uses heroin every day, shoots it up every day.

I've heard that.

And he writes papers and studies on you know, maintaining recreational drug use. He shoots it everything every day. Yeah, and he's a PhD professor. Yeah, at Columbia. Fucking awesome.

Ray, I don't see that he uses it every day, but I do see that he uses it.

Damn. He's cool with sh hilarious.

If he's like and I've been writing all these papers and they're like, get the fuck out of here. We fired you six years ago.

Well, he's got a point, like if if you're not if you don't have an addictive personality in this drug. You know they use it for medical ship too, cocaine. They lick with cocaine and surgery. I'd be cutting my hand off every day.

For Bad Larry the Jersey Shore, for Shay and Irving wherever you get your podcast, Shay and Irving podcast.

Yeah, okay, yeah, we're doing it tonight, Dylan, we're doing it right.

They had the Smack podcast.

Yeah, what's this, Dylan's coming over. We're gonna record. Okay, what do we what's the topic?

Israel problem at this rate?

Heroines damn, he's.

Real and opium Dylan the graphics guy who doesn't do graphics anymore. For Pa Ray, the producer of this god forsaken program. And Marvin Happy June Teeth Late Happy. I'm Dan Patrick and this is Dan Patrick takes a gamble by

Bad Larry taking these you guys, good luck