Episode 159: The Male Paula Deen

Gambling was something that I did.

This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat.

And now joined by Bad Larry Shayan, Irving and Dylan the graphics guy.

I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick Patrick.

Okay, I guess we start with a round of applause for bad Larry. Oh Man, we hate this, we do. Larry, you won nine units or seven units. Now you're up plus nine plus nine on the year for bad Larry, Shay and Irving lost three and a half units. Congratulations. Dylan didn't lose last week. That is big Dan, but he has lost a lot twenty six units so far.

But you know how nice it is just losing zero?

Okay? Any bad beats that anybody wants to bring up here?

Auburn's second half. I mean, they just did not feel like covering or winning or doing anything special. The comebacks this year in the tournament have They've all crushed me and I hate it.

They should have won Auburn was gonna win out right. Yeah, Producer Ray just came in with a camera. I'm not sure. Maybe because we're doing this on a Wednesday instead of Thursday that Ray was not ready to go, But now he is. Now we can officially say that this is Dan Patrick takes a gamble. How's it looking? We're good? Thumbs up with everybody. Look great. Yeah, so the gang's here, Marvin's running the controls. You got Shan Irving. You got

Yeah, you're telling me.

I said, hey, congratulations, you don't have to do graphics on the show anymore. He goes, well what am I doing? I go, I don't know.

I've also been pushed. I tried to get away from it, but I've been pushed closer and closer physically. Back to the hot dog roller. Ooh, we moved it out of the control room.

Yes, we had to because you it smelled bad in there.

Yeah it was. And that's a confined space, yes it is.

Oh man.

The bullpen's pretty tight though too.

When that thing's Yeah, but you can walk out of there if you want to when you're doing graphics with the hot dog your roller in there, you couldn't escape. Just tempting you all day long, yes, calling out your name.

Because I will like, I'll just be like, eh, whatever, all youat hot Dog?

Ten am? Hot Dog? Here we go, No. Eight eight?

Oh my god, yeah, about eight forty five this morning.

And seating seating of all people caved in last week, he goes. I said, I can't believe Dylan had a hot dog at eight eight eight thirty or something in seat goes, I had one.

At eight he was. He was like, do I say I had one too?

And I go wow. Ray the producer Picture Day Ray is here as well. By the way, the master's menu was Scotty the Champion's Dinner. Look good. I think we're going to do that for meet Friday. What I think we're gonna have? Did I come?

No?

I think you have a job.

Yeah, I've got like a restraining order. I'm only allowed to be here on premises for an hour a week. You have a job, Yeah I do, but I have lunch as well. Okay, wow, all right, dandy.

Well you're right, it's work release. You get like an hour and a half for lunch.

Right, yeah, about that?

Okay, all right, if you want to come over at around twelve fifteen was actually.

All right, fine, yeah, I'll see you there. I can't wait.

Okay, we're having steak, we're having appetizers. We're having Texas chili. Ooh, we're having is Chack coming? No, No, there's no trigger.

Who's cooking?

Dylan? What? Yeah?

Yeah?

Oh wow, Okay, now Dylan's pretty strongly yes, yeah, yes, yeah.

Pauline whoa, whoa.

Before the controversy, before the which quality that would be on brand for you?

Now it de dang wow?

She might have been one of the canceling wake out.

Shaye looks to Marvin brother, I'm not really going to help you out.

Oh here's the thing about me. Say I would never be your black up. I no one's black.

Op. Yeah. We need to go looking then, because I you say that you have black friends, do you say do you include Mark?

I never said I have black friends? First off? Do you have black friends?

Yeah?

I got a couple, but it's all by circumstance. Okay, like our kids go to school together and because we've got some hobbies that we share, some.

Ship, you know, by the way, how's the school board? Oh man?

So h the last clip made the rounds of the local like soccer, parents and everybody. And there's a pretty staunch, a pretty motivated group against my running and they have been talking to each other and spreading that around pretty aggressively.

So they took a clip from last week's podcast.

Yeah, yeah, and some text messages were sent between group chats and screenshots sent and yeah, there's some motivated people motivated that I do not see a seat at the school board. That's for damn sure.

You know, most times podcasts want to have something that goes viral. Our clips go local, and it's just you with things that you say about the tennis bombs, oh man, the school board, soccer.

You're only ruining your immediate life.

Yeah. Literally, I show up to soccer like, well, great show, shap.

I would say, is you know, to get to the top, you're gonna have some haters along the way. Kadaffi had enemies.

You know, Kadaffi did have enemies, my man.

And that didn't end well, No, that ended about as horribly as I.

Can Thanks Obama. Yeah, okay, so the Champions menu bad Larry if I said you won the Masters and you got to have your champion menu.

Is gonna be boring as ship.

But what would you get like, don't say like Roy Rogers or Hamberger.

A little Sicilian pizza the start?

What does that mean?

What is like Grandma's the big square pieces that are.

Like big square that's the worst kind of pizza, like little.

I eat that a couple of times a week.

You eat Sicilian pizza a couple of times a week.

Damn yeah, I'm a big pizza guy.

That's not But like what about regular pizza, like good pizza? Right?

I eat that also? But I like a lot of lunches. I'll like again, I'm working, so let's I'm sure I want to say my second lunch A lot of times, I'll we'll get a slice of pizza and stuff.

How many lunches a week do you have? Well?

Four on the two days that I work. And then you know, Monday was an epic egg guys. We went raised, we went bowling. Then that's where I got that guy Noah Ken.

Oh right, okay, hold on, we'll get to that. We'll get to that.

Ill I gotta tell you about Monday. We went bowl and then we went down to this bar and Bricktown for pool, shuffle board and darks, and then we just rolled right into the eight fifty basketball game.

Drink the whole day, perfect, perfect day, amazing well, shuffle board, darts all the Larry's crushed. He loves that stuff. Undefeated loves that stuff.

Bargain, big bargain.

No, he is. He's really good at the bar game.

I'm gonna be I'm gonna be pretty much a legend and Arrowhead and Bricktown.

Shortly we love, Okay, Shaye, what would you have as your many?

I would? I mean, this is tough for me, This is really tough. It depends. Pauladin's fried chicken for sure.

No, I don't know.

I'm gonna say something. You're all probably gonna make fun of me. Uh cocovon, all right, bitch, the roommate makes a fucking mean cocovon. Dude with likes good. It's the way she makes it. It just falls off the goddamn bone.

Didn't I have that? No?

You had Scarpiello chicken scarpillo okay, yeah, which is like that's my favorite meals.

Like kind of the French Scarpiello a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, chicken. Yeah, less sausage though, but yeah yeah, great tennis player Scarpiello Coco co coon uh dyl how about you?

This is also tough one. I mean I'd probably start with like a chilled seafood tower. Yeah, maybe honestly Hideki Matsuyama's menu, my favorite, some soush okay o wag you okay, and then maybe a hot dog Chicago dog mixed in there, okay. And for dessert grand bruleche so we can both have something French on the menu.

Oh my god, you're gonna have sushi at your champions dinner?

Yeah?

What's wrong in Augusta in America?

Right?

Yeah? That sushi and Augusta must be nuts.

It's twenty twenty five. It's not like they're like getting ship out of like the river in Georgia.

It's dumb, dumb chicken, you said co co Covon?

Yeah you pronounced is it co covon Cocovan?

I think co Covan?

I don't know.

By the way, say has expressed an interest in learning golf. Yeah. Yeah.

The roommate says I shouldn't do it, so I figure I should. It'll be away from you to goyt the house and I've never golfed before.

It's a really, really, really challenging sport.

Well, yeah, I'm surrounded by golfers and they don't seem like superior athletes to me.

That's the problem.

That's the trick. Key part is the guy you don't think looks like a John Daily. John Daly does not look like a good athlete. He goes to be incredibly athletic, pliable, malleable.

Yes, that's why all these like these five six dudes on tour hit it's three hundred.

Yeah.

Well yeah, I just want to go to the range and like figure out a swing. I've never even attempted the shit.

Well, why don't you get at least where you can play eighteen holes? And then if you want to play golf, then you know what, you going out with Dylan and Ray playing golf to the range, right, Yeah? Or if it's you Dylan, Ray and bad Larry and you guys go play, maybe you go to Jersey. Oh and bad Larry doesn't hit it very far, but he is very good at getting it up and down. Get us community course, No.

We'll we'll play wherever you guys want.

All right, Well, where is that Larry, you're the one in Jersey.

Well, Dan and actually spring Lake last time. He's never played mask ONRN. We got a couple, we got that's a simple phone call.

Yeah, but these guys, I want to go to the range first and work on a sweat, work on that. Then you guys have a foursome. Then maybe you videotape it. Oh, Larry's done that before. No, Larry had a three rd Yeah, the fourthsome? Larry, are you joining us in Green Bay?

Well? I didn't. I'm not aware of what it is.

It's the draft. It's two weeks, two weeks.

I might let me, let me check in with the wife. Say, you gotta you gotta learn that.

If you go, Larr, I'll try and make an appearance.

Wow, maybe you guys could go.

Together, get the band back together. Larry, you want to share a room, sure?

Sure? Can you bring your sister and both of them?

Ray wouldn't even share a room with me. You snore too much.

Oh, trouble in Paradise, all right? Anything to recap here? Bad? Larry did pretty well, Dylan. Yeah, you guys not much to really recap, is there? Baseball? Okay?

Okay?

Yeah?

You had two baseball bets. Okay, congratulations bad Larry. That leads us to Noa Kent that somehow you were tipped off on him making the cut at the Masters.

I met the guy's uncle and he said, oh, you got to keep an eye on him. He's really good. So I had to throw him in as a top amateur. Or I think I threw him to make the cut on the show.

Okay, that's plus three hundred.

Just to make the cut, yeah, perfect, all right?

What else?

I thought I was plus seven? I thought he was plus seven to fifty to be the low amates. I guess there's a couple of guys better. Well.

No, well, there's a difference between making the cut and being low m So what are you taking?

No, I want make the cut at plus three fifty. I'm happy with those US three hundred.

Yeah down there.

There, you just okay, So Noah Kent makes the cuts.

Plus Let me let me start with the top of my sheet. You know it's hard to make that last night for today, so I took the Yankees. I don't know what the line is a obbyous Wait wait, wait.

We're doing we were doing the Masters.

I thought you want all my picks for the for this week.

Okay, do you have any other picks with the Masters, Yes, of course, Well I led with Noah Kent, who's playing at the Masters. Therefore it does it doesn't seem like continuity wise, you would have your other golf picks.

Okay, Noah Kent to make the cut top twenties, I want Rabbit Robert McIntyre, and then I want said rabbit Rory and I won John Rahm. Okay, so three one unit top twenty.

Rabbit McIntyre is plus one fifty. Rory top twenty is minus three p fifty. I'm surprised you would go with that. John Ron twenty is minus one sixty five.

Yeah, I'm gonna be rooting for Rory to win it.

That's why gross are you putting a unit on Rory minus three fifty? Larry?

Yeah, losing three, you're losing three half.

You're risking three and a half to way're.

Risking three and a half.

Yeah, very correct. Okay, Now now you're baseball there.

Just for today the well, of course, you know I have the we don't want to rehash that.

No, we don't.

The first the first twenty five games, you know against the White Soxerha, we're killing that, We're not. I'm rehashed enough and my Mets are on a huge run show you I.

Know, Okay, okay, okay, what are your baseballs?

Well, I'm adding the Yankees today and Phillies today, But then I still have my Mets and my against the White Sox.

And the under in the White soxer Okay, yes you do.

Okay, I'm really happy. Thank you?

Anything else?

No, I think they should be on the school board if that's the Mealy's picking.

Yeah, thank you, thank you, Blair, appreciate it.

Uh Shay Shane irving your turn with the Masters.

Yeah, I got mister Morikawa to win plus sixteen hundred. I love his anti media stance and anti fans dance. I think he's playing the heel and it'll be great when he wins the Masters. He doesn't talk to anybody about it.

Why? Why does she have a problem?

How funn would that be if Jim Nance came up to when he was just like, I.

Don't know you anything away, Jack Butler Cabin.

No, I think he's a dickhead, but he's playing good golf. And then I got Matzi Yama plus thirty three hundred to win. My favorite Shane Lowry plus four thousand. Yes, Russell Henley the only real Irishman by the way, Russell Henry plus five thousand, Corey Connors plus six thousand, those are all to win. Then I got Bryson top twenty.

Doctor Chippins is correct.

Did I have a top twenty parlay?

Danny?

You don't do parlay.

This golf game is killing me lately.

It's so hard.

So Rory, matsu Yama, Larry on the top twenty plus three twenty five. And then I got more golf matchup. Two units had Decky laying one fifteen against Fleetwood and Larry against knt Lake because Cantle has killed me for years. And then I got Joaquin Neman plus one sixty against Scottie.

That's the back.

I love it, love it, Okay. I do like some of your golf picks. I know. Actually I don't want to Dan I do Joaquin, Yeah, yeah, but I I like Shane Lowry big time. I even like Sepstraka.

Love Straca, Struck Strock, Sepstraw, Okay, he's actually he's Austrian, right Stepstra everything.

Yeah, shit, you didn't take.

Him, no shot a Dylan's okay? Anything else?

Baseball Okay, Rangers over eight and a half, Blue Jays and over the plus one ten against the Boston Red Sox, Twinkies laying one ten and the Mariners plus one ten. Baseball is back, Hail to the Chief, Okay, Dylan?

All right, Dan? I got Bernhard Langer to make the cut plus two twenty five. He's missed it the last three years, I think. But he's pretty good even as an older gentleman at Augusta. Okay, Tyrrell Hatten to miss the cut plus two forty, he'll have a blow up hole and he definitely can't out. He'll probably break a club. Honestly, I seen him do that a few times.

I didn't know that Freddy Couples is the oldest player to make the cut. He was sixty.

Three University of Houston alone.

Bernhard Lane or sixty seven University of Houston. That blew the national chain unbelievable.

How the hell do you in like that? Can you imagine? I said it when that kid almost did the double dribble at the very end, I was like, hey man, welcome to the wonderful world of alcoholism. You're gonna try and drink this memory away and it just won't work. Save my bed at Hazelton, I'd be drinking like a fish if I d a a goddamn season like that.

You don't even get a shot off.

No, Jesus Christ. How long has it been since you had a drink?

Seventeen months?

Yeah?

How many days? How many minutes?

I don't know, seventeen months. Yeah. It doesn't seem like it's really changed your personality, though it does it.

Everybody who says that is full of shit. They say, you think you like feel better physically, No, you don't like. I just don't make dumb decisions and like piss off my wife.

Yeah, which does that feel better?

Or as much? I should say as much? I still piss her off, Like I'm cooking better than she is lately, and I wouldn't be doing that if I was drinking.

You're making cocoon, no, man, But I.

Made some chicken tacos last night just because I felt like it no recipe or nothing.

I had somebody in the family tree who would always cook, and I thought, Okay, I mean it's awesome. He loves to cook. Well, he would drink a bottle of charnay because nobody wants to come in the kitchen when you're cooking, because they don't want to work. And he'd have a bottle of chardonnay, and then all of a sudden, you sit down to have dinner another bottle, Like, I'm onto you. That's smart.

Getting drunken. Cooking is like the most fun thing ever.

Yeah, yeah, it could go wrong. I'm definitely definitely boom boom boom boom boom boom. The way you walk and talk really is It's me ohio player is underrated. Okay, I'm just saying. And that song.

Look, my grandmother is safe, saying to fight and filled with the Holy spirit. But that song came on at my wedding. She's like wool like me, your grandfather.

First of all, why don't you back that up?

What is the of the cough?

Back that up? Grandma? Jesus, I've met your grandma.

Hi she's aging like wine and not milk, which is good, Okay.

Dylan, my oma aged like milk.

Anyone who gets called oma who didn't age like you're a mean woman?

H what else she got?

So had to miss the cut plus two forty Scottie Chaff would have missed the cutdown plus six fifty bucket. I'm one of these days he will miss the cut out of major and I can feel like a genius.

When when did you have him missing the cut? Was that last year or the year before? Did you do this?

I think I did the last Masters when he went on to win. Yes, wait, hold on right, we did it when Bob was on and I think that was that was the US Open, the US Open, okay, and he almost did Missy over and Willie Mack the Third was almost in the lead on Friday too.

That's true. Great calls. I still want still lost. What else do you have?

Sung? Jay him top five plus fourteen hundred. I like that a lot obviously. Joaque Neeman top five plus four fifty. Also like Shay his boy Colin Morikawa to win plus sixteen hundred. It's iron play, Dan, that's really all get around, amen, corner.

You need oh, I know, just sit at twelve and watch him happen.

Yeah, uh, Max Homa to win plus thirty thousands. Not played well, he has not, He's missed I think the last five cuts. He's got some inches going on. But he has done well at Augusta in recent years, so I'm banking on that. And then I've got a little three ball parlay for the first round. Aaron Raye, Robert McIntyre, Matthew Pavon, he probably likes Cocovon Shay and Nick Taylor plus thirty three fifty.

Damn what is a what is a three ballpark?

So these guys, it's basically of their groupings, their threesome. They have the best score of the day. So like for each of their respective groupings. Oh so like Aaron Rye wins his grouping, Robert McIntyre wins.

His, Matthew and Taylor. Okay, we actually.

Do you know what that means?

I think it's sit down and open your book, we focus, shut your mouth, lab Yeah, may all right? What else are you going?

One?

NBA bat Dan Luka don chik under Wow thirty and a half tonight that.

The real Draymond Green. By the way, it is racist. That it's racist that people don't see Luca as angry, violent basketball player and when they see others as you know, I just want to put that out there, that is very As.

You look at Marvin, why do you keep looking at Marvin? Are you reported right?

You don't look at me?

I would have been like, it's not racist, but it's dumb because the Balkans, those people are crazy. You ever met a man from Croatia, Daity or any of those Balkan countries. Croatia, Yeah, they're psychotic. They Oh my god, do they drink. They drink twenty four hours in a row. If you go out drinking with them, they just keep drinking. They drink when the sun comes up, they drink at lunch and the just keep going. They don't sleep, and there's no drugs. It's just booze. They drink a party.

I've ever sat.

Don't get them started on Kosovo.

Heaven forbid talking about what are we doing?

What it's true.

I'm saying, don't do it. Okay, it's bad, Okay. They got tensions over there. That's why Tito was one of my top top favorite authoritarian figures out of Yugoslavia. He kept them together.

Okay, how about Chilchescu who you know who? Tchaikowsky es a dictator Romanian? He got voted out of office? Might have They might have killed him in Romania where Armenia maybe no, no, no, no, Chilchescu.

If he got voted out, he wasn't a very good dictator.

He might have.

Gotten like voted.

Child Escu. There, Romanian dictator.

Yeah, yeah, I know that is big comedy. Well you didn't know until your pronunciation day, and he wasn't exactly chl Chescue.

How's it pronounced?

That's Romanian?

Now okay, now I know who he's talking about.

Romanian dictator the yeah, okay, yeah, all right. Uh Shane Irving wherever you get your podcast? And uh Dylan no longer a graphics gy picture de Ray who does the producing here? Marvin who has to listen to all this nonsense running the equipment and yours truly and bad Larry hit the Jersey.

Shore, thanks guys, good luck, Dylan. I hope you hit that Parlay, thank you.

I mean, Max Homer winning would be way sick of but.

Shay, you're like right around even Dalim down like thirty points. I want him to hit a parlor hit the thirty point parlay. That'd be great.

And why don't you locate a golf course where they would allow Shay to come on it, because that's really going to be the key.

Just tell them, Paula Deine wants to learn how to play golf.

You have to like a male. Paula Dean is showing up, but you need to you have to dress appropriately. I would one hundred percent.

Like when I played tennis, I wear tennis whites.

You played tennis, yeah, uh I have I have before wow, during the pandemic rich Man rich Man, Yeah.

All right, we have your Fairfield County, Connecticut is almost a freaking guarantee you're gonna play tennis and something white.

Yeah, hell yeah.

Wembledon No, but you're supposed to wear They make you wear white at the Field Club.

They make us wear whites when we play.

It's like a dress code. Yeah.

I played at a grass court where you had to wear tennis white, like this is.

You're playing white or you're playing well.

I mean, just so happened that they're all, well, it's connectic, it's not.

Me of course. Deep County too. Yeah, like if you go to.

Bridgeport, a different side of Fairbook County and we're.

Talking about in the white portion of Fairfield County further down the coast alrighty, are you what? Okay, We've done all we can do in that what you're not going to live in. Just give her the Emmy, give her the.

Speaking of congratulations, congratulations to all y'all.

Did you think that we would be back?

Yes, one more time?

Yeah, not today when PAULI was reading, or yesterday when I didn't either, you're saying that ship it was.

Like, oh, but then, you know, I'm trying to get the sympathy vote that I'm going to be retiring, and people might have thought, oh man, he's that's why he's retiring. Let's give him a nomination here, and then they're going to find out that I'm working a couple more years.

Yeah, the old bait and switch.

Yeap.

I mean, hey, then trophy is a trophy?

Yeah, yeah, I don't care.

That's very true. A one more question. When you go to something like the Sports Emmys, obviously you're you. How many times do you get stopped like, hey, you know, can I take a picture or you you've inspired me or anything like that. It's almost like when we went to Radio Row. Me, you and Mary went to Radio Row and I was like, when they see you there, and I'm not even saying this because I work for you.

Start saying, well, that's why I usually just hang around you guys, like we're all together. And then I'm just talking to you guys, and then somebody has to go. I don't mean to interrupt when they interrupt, but and then and then I usually will have Paulie. I'll give him a signal like you know, and then Paulie'll be like, hey, Dann, come here, let me talk to you. Because I'm in there to hang out with you guys. I'm not networking. I don't need another job. It's nice to meet people

Yes, it would be funny though. If someone came up to talk to you, and he was like, and you're like, all right, guys, the show's over. I took a new job, actually, but.

There's certain like Melissa Stark comes up and wants to say hello, but you know, I sick you guys to the curb immediately. I'm like, how much time do you need?

Pauladine walks up.

All of you guys, Marvin maybe not you.

Okay, that's it. We've done it. We have done it another week. Thanks for joining us on. Dan Patrick takes a gamble and we'll talk to you next week.