Episode 158: Audience Of One

Gambling was something that I did.

This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

One of my bookies died at the kitchen table.

A podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling.

One beto, bet another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat.

And now joined by bad Larry Shay and Irving and Dylan the graphics guy.

I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick.

Larry, why are you breathing? Why are you breathing hard?

I am you can hear me breathing, heart really, yes, I am walking through Reading Market, terminal market in Philly. I'm trying to find a table to get something to eat. Okay, and me and the wife and the sister.

Oh yeah, we're at the pharmacy trying to find.

Something fuel up that long day ahead. Yeah yeah, yeah.

We drove the Trent and took the train in from Trent and bouncing around his mark and how it's crazy, big, beautiful.

And how long are you are you guys doing an overnight.

No no, no, no overnight train back Like I'll follow you guys, go follow the you know, just take the train back to Trent and drive home tonight sometimes.

Okay, all right, Damn you lead an exciting life, so exciting.

Damn you got to do something, a little something every day.

Oh, I know you got to spice up your uh life a little bit there, Dan.

When we get off the air, I'll tell you what's happening after the wedding in London. Five and a half weeks. They're keeping me over there?

What? Yeah, crazy in London?

No, are you kidding me? Pirates and Spain and I don't know.

Apple, we got to fill this, Yeah, that would be great.

Five five and a half weeks, Dan, Yeah, people would kill to go to your five Yes, yeah, oh yeah, I'm gonna buy my own plane ticket home three weeks into the tripp.

And they probably wouldn't argue with that either.

I'm sure, Yes, Ray, Can we send angel boy a camera? Yes, so he can record some of the stuff with Larry or you can take it on your phone.

I don't think angel Boyle will be on the trip.

Oh well, who else going to Europe?

Just the three blind mice, you and.

Your wife and your wife's sister. Correct, there is something going on.

Someone's getting trafficked in Budapest or something else.

Spain's got to legalized brothels all over the country.

Larry doesn't need that. He travels with one. They might want some group back.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

By the way, I'm looking at recapping Bad Larry. It says he one lost three units last week, Ray, you lost, Yes, he lost three? Okay, you got one lost? Yuh So Bad Layer's got two units. Shay is up one and a half. You won three units last week, big showing and telling he's minus twenty six units.

You lost five last week.

I just need one barlay to get back in this. I have some gripes from last week too.

Any anybody want to recap anything Bad Layer will start with you, anything that you have a problem.

No, no, I just I just have to ask. So, Ray, you're doing my Mets and my Chicago Whites against the White Sox and those unders every week. Okay, so they're already in those losses, okay.

Yep, yeah.

It says the White Sox under every game first twenty five games, and it's two, three and one the Mets money line first fifteen games, they're three and three.

Okay, okay, there.

I didn't know who's going to keep that till the end. Or so my losses are already in there and I'm up three units or whatever going forward.

Yeah, it's gonna be every every single week. I'm not going to just input it in after the twenty fixth game.

Thank you, thank you for that works perfect for me.

You're welcome.

Don't the White Sox have the lowest era in baseball right now?

I'm not even following.

I think they do to start.

Yeah, it's it's much better than it should have been.

Yeah.

By the way, during Super Bowl Week, Dylan put money on Alex Ovechkin to score his eight hundred and ninety fifth goal during the regular season at plus three twenty yeah, so you need three more.

They offered they had it on that specific bet on DraftKings for a Vechkin to pass s Gretzky. Okay, plus yeah, plus three twenty two. This was like a while ago too. It's like, oh, there's plenty I mean, like he could you know, have slowed down.

But like he had plenty of runway.

He's gone, that's the best video ever.

He's got seven games to get three.

Yeah, And like I could also see like a last game he's one shy you know, empty netter or something.

Good.

That would actually read four yeah, read for Michael Strahan taking you know, taking the easy way out and empty net for the goal to break Gretzky's record would actually be pretty funny, be gross, unsportsmanlike yeah, no.

And loves the song by Juicy j.

Oh yeah, he's not alone.

Bands make her dance? Oh yeah, sure, dude like bands of Money, Yes, b A N d Z.

Correct, right, not bands.

It's a good double feature with Bounce It by Juicy j a b of A Maestro off the same tape.

All right, I'm not not familiar with that.

But the group of three six Mafia, Yeah, six Mafia.

They won an Academy award.

They yeah, okay, all right, props shout out punk ass mothers North Hollywood. Yeah. Oh, by the way, I skipped the headline. Shay has been asked to run for the school board. Okay, do you want to do this?

Yeah?

I think well, hold on, hold on now, there's a couple of things working against.

Me and this.

Priors.

No no, no, no, I mean okay, here's the deal on our school board and you know the town and we're going to leave it out. The property taxes are pretty high, they're healthy but it's because the schools are so good. So apparently there's been a new ranking that came out for the best schools in state of Connecticut, and my town fell off like big time. The superintendent just resigned. She claimed a health issue. Nobody believes her. Out of the school board members, three of them do not have

If that's what you're asking yeah, absolutely, was it Russell Wilson who said I play for an audience of one?

Is that right, Marvin? He that's what Russ said.

The big upstairs in audience of one.

Yeah.

Man, I was like, actually, you played for a couple more people than that, I think.

I think.

Yeah, Monday night football is shit.

A load of people are watching. Yeah, an audience of one. Anything you want to recap from last week? Bill, God, there's a lot of bloodshed on you.

Yeah, there is, dan and there's one in particular, Michigan State minus three and a half against Ole Miss.

How about them?

Rep that's a bad beat Hall of Fame of the Year if you had three and a half? Ray our fucking producer here. I texted him. I was like, that's insane. He's like I had minus two and a half. So I was like, all right, dude. But that's one of those ones where it's like you're always on the wrong side of it. I'm never on the side where they hit will Miss hits.

Well, yeah I was on the right side.

He was great.

Yeah, it was probably electric, right, it was awesome. It was amazing, incredible.

Yeah, it couldn't figure out why I cared they still lost.

That was one of those ones where you just involuntarily yell at the TV, you like, I'm fucking done with this shit, and I quit, and then I didn't quit.

That leads us to this week, and Larry, are you still the clubhouse leader? I guess barely? So yeah, yeah, I'll let you start, Okay.

I have the over into Florida game. I think it was one fifty nine and a half. Yeah, I have Florida minus the two and a half. Yeah, and I had Duke minus to.

Five minus five and a half.

Minus five and a half. I know, I don't know if remembers. I have Florida to win it off. From the beginning of the tournament. My only prediction for Florida national champion if I had a gun to my head, if I had to pick another team right now, it would be Duke. I think they're playing better than anyone else.

Yeah, I'm gonna make a pick in the final four.

You know, I really like the Dodgers. I think they're playing well.

Yeah. I think I'm staying with my Flora bet that I already have.

But uh yeah, yes, it's already in the books.

I'm pretty impressive with what Duke's been doing right now?

Okay, thank you? Yeah?

Is that it? Larry?

I guess walked into Molly Malloy's a little bar in this place. It looks great and I'm gonna go chicken pop hye, put my order in and a Budwaser by the way, and I'm sitting here now and this is pretty interesting place.

You never drink draft?

Do you always drink bottle?

Or I can? I'm gonna go about if they have it when the waiter gets here.

If it's draft, I love it.

Yeah, I should try a draft.

Oh the only times you get I would opt for a bottle or can over draft, as if you're at like a real shitty bar.

And you need a weapon, yeah, or your weapon bottle a.

Weapon, or you don't trust how clean like the y The lines.

Are, yeah, the lines are yeah, but oh man, you you give me beer on tap and yeah, a kid, I'm gonna crush you.

Yeah.

It just tastes better.

It does.

It's like fountain coke for McDonald's.

Con Okay, in out of the can.

Wow, Yeah, I'm going draft that.

We're actually getting like done today.

Uh shay, you're up. Uh yeah, I got the fighting Shaloms plus two and a half. I don't know.

They're both they're both got Jewish head coaches.

It's gonna be an internal conflict, Dylan, Are you okay with him? Yeah? Calling them the Shaloms.

I mean, well, look, I'll talk to you after the podcast.

No, I'd rather you talk right during the podcast if you have a problem.

I'm just I'm more concerned about the lack of clarity because they're both the fighting Shaloms three out of four.

Yeah, yeah, John Shire, let's not talk about overrepresentation.

It's gonna be Sonny and San like.

This is like the Nobel Prize nominees.

Okay, So which Shaloms are you taking?

The pearls Fighting Pearls? Okay. I can't bring him down, Not even the Feds can stop Bruce. Uh. And then I got to Duke Houston under one thirty six. And then I got golf, Danny. But we'll save that for a minute. Oh okay, are we doing just basketball now?

Yeah?

We can do just basketball. Bad Larry doesn't have any golf, so he just has basketball. All right, Dylan, give us your basketball and then we'll do the the golf.

All right, Dan, I'm going Auburn the Fighting Pearls plus two and a half and Houston plus five and a half against Duke. I was inclined to take the favorites just because that's been the way things are going. But the moment I do that, both of the dogs win or at least cover, so taking both of them to cover the spread, and then I'm going Houston Duke over one thirty five and a half.

Okay, yep, sorry shy.

Back to golf, the Texas Valero Open.

The big one, yes, say.

I got my boy Ludwig to win plus twelve hundred. Then I got Pattilla plus twenty two hundred, and then I got some top ten's going a little crazy here, Danny, I got hook him plus two hundred, Cory Connors, who I love now.

You've been big on the conuct train.

I love it. Uh.

And then top twenty I got Coochar Keegan Bradley see wu Kim who I pronounced that correctly? And then I'm heavier on hook him to units there Danny Jordan speed.

Yeah, hook him not a big Matt Coocher guy.

I like the odds, but I just like when they say coo.

You remember the story with his caddy in Mexico. They had like the local guy. Then they gonna pay ten grand to caddy. Yeah, and then he won, didn't say like and didn't pay him, and everyone was like, come on.

Man, it's coo. Do you have golf deal?

I do, Dan, I've got one. Danny McCarthy to win plus twenty five hundred lost in the playoff last year at this very same time. Okay, which is I used that logical lot and it rarely works out.

But such his life.

Okay, anything else that is on the table.

Oh, we were discussing, uh, the worst things in sports.

Wait, do you have an NHL ben?

Oh?

I do?

Yes, I'm sorry.

Why am I telling you your bet?

Because I am stupid?

You're not stupid, You're just not a good gambler.

Definitely not a good gambler. Yeah. Connor Hellabuck to win the Heart Trophy regular season MVP. He's the Jets goalie.

Okay, plus one fifty. Oh yeah, it would be the.

First Goy since Carrie Price. I think to win it. But he's like putting up like unreal.

I partied Dauas once, okay, partied in Dallas outside of Dallas. Yeah, okay, house party. He had a couple daughters. Jeez, Louise, it was a good.

Party, did they agree or.

The oldest daughter wasn't there, so we rated her room and found her drugstash and that was I mean, that was probably fifteen at the time. It was some very.

Advanced chemicals.

Yes, she was a pro.

Okay, some stuff you weren't expecting to find.

Happily found.

But yeah, this, of course won't make the episode.

Just letting you know. Really, No, you can't call out his daughters from I loved him. I loved the man. He was my favorite goalie.

Well, I don't know if he's appreciate you saying that you ransacked his daughter's room for drugs.

Yes, that's a strong word. We were guided there by the other daughter and she was like, hey, all right, fine, sorry, what do you.

I thought it was?

I mean, the other daughter was there, so it makes it a little better.

We'll bleep out the name.

Oh okay, yeah, okay, there we go.

Okay, because after every episode, Rey goes anything to take out and it's not always me though. No, no, but Larry did used used a term you don't use.

I've never done that. No you haven't. But You've done a lot of things. So I'm just being open with the audience. No, no, And I appreciate that one.

Of us has to be the sweetheart on this thing.

So again, vulnerable, You're vulnerable. Vulnerable, Yeah, being vulnerable. The roommate told me to be more vulnerable on the show. What does that mean?

Little?

Yeah, like be uh, don't you open up too much?

Yeah?

No, she met Like, you know, I had this image of being like a crazy person or a drug addict. While those may be true, it's not true all the time. There's other facets. Yeah, Like I'm a father of three. I was on the Twitter the other day and I said something about how happy I am that I'm a father, because you know, there's all this discourse about people not wanting kids, or kids are too much, or there's a reason nobody's happy because they have kids. And I was like, that's bananas.

You can be perfectly happy if you're just neglect these kids.

No, kids are a blessing. Like it's it's amazing we have three. I wish we had five.

It's great, Okay, but you tweet out my youngest is four. We had three under five at one point. It's a joy, it's a blessing, It's awesome.

I don't who it sounds like ai rus I.

Don't deserve the joy my kids bring me. But every single day with them is a gift, and anyone preaching the opposite is either too selfish to realize it or too bitter to accept the other side of their depression.

What the fuck? What are you doing? That's true?

That is bad for business?

Think so yes?

Why people don't.

Want to hear that?

I don't know. Got some pretty good responses.

The top comment is did you get hacked?

I think a lot of that. Did the roommate steal your phone?

I swear to God I love my family.

Dang, that's true.

It should be true.

Yeah, it should be true.

You should feel that way.

Yeah, exactly, But I don't know if you do feel that I do. I do.

But what the other Let's just take a vote here, Marvin, do you think that that is Shae being truthful?

Yeah? I think Shae's nuts, but I think he loves his kids.

Okay, Dylan, do you think that that is an honest representation of Shae in Irving?

Wow, it sounds like it was written by a robot. I do think to some degree. I think Shae is really a sweetheart deep down, just you know, a softy, a little bit of a soft kind of a pussy.

Actually, we're back on track.

Is he a romantic?

I think he is a romote Well, I mean, I mean what you're just gonna nod off at dinner and start crying. That's not romantic.

Ray, what do you think?

I don't think he's a romantic, but I think he's a loving father. As we saw when we came over for dinner. I was not expecting what I saw when we went over for dinner. I was impressed.

Yea, when you told him to get the fuck upstairs, but he said it in a nice way. Yeah, it was gentle.

Hey girls, get the fuck upstairs, right?

I love you.

Okay, So he's a loving father. Is he a loving husband?

No, he's a piece of shit.

Yeah. The roommate really was upset. I shared the percoset story.

Yeah, oh yeah, liquid puros.

Yeah. She was like, it's so triggering. It's I remember that night. That was awful.

I don't.

Bad, Larr. Are you still with us?

I'm still with you. I think he's a great father. I'm not sure about how great a husband.

He is, let's I'll take it.

But uh, and I like and I like him being a little more vulnerable. I can see that. I saw that soft side on our little trip to Atlantic City.

Really, thank you, Larry.

I did not see that at all.

All right, Larry, Well, enjoy your did you have your your beer yet?

I will send you guys a picture they just arrived. We always take a picture of three and that our children. Guess who's drinking what?

Wow, I'll send you.

We'll send it to the boys.

Might tire.

I can't retire if this is If you retire, you'll be end up eating a fucking pot pie in Philadelphia.

If only my wife had a sister who sold Zanda. Yeah, all right, thank you.

Send a picture of the pot pie to it.

Yeah, yeah, you go, Duke, Okay, wow, yeah, they're really playing well I'm gonna go. Yeahderell, I didn't think Duke would here, Dylan anything you'd like to mention.

So we were talking about the worst things in sports broadly speaking. I think also, i'll uh the Michigan State thing from last week, so uh, Producer Ray had us come up with a couple you know, just what are just some shitty things that happened in the world of sports, you know.

Like, okay, right, yeah, it's the top five worst things that can happen in a game for a gambler. Like for me, it's a muff punt. Like if I have a team, it's third and four, the oppositions incomplete pass, We're like, oh good, we're getting the ball back.

Muff punt.

That's my biggest that's the worst thing that can happen to me. That's my least favorite thing.

Dyl as well, over time in any sport, if you have the under that always blows phantom holding call in a big play, okay, else past interference just in general, I feel like that I get boned by a pass interference more often than not.

Bound Yeah, what about you? She uh. The intelligence of football players increasing over the last couple of years has really corn holed me. Like when I got the over and there's a breakaway run and he stops at the two yard line because he doesn't want to meet the ball back and you can end it out and you lose the over. I mean, these guys have been studying way too much film. I don't like it.

Then you stopeah too much clock management on there, Nick Chubb, Yeah, yeah, exactly, Just score the touchdown.

Yeah, go for the glory, you bum Yeah.

I also have Larry's since he hung up. So number one is prevent defense giving up a meaningless touchdown. He has number two, bullshit pass interference call given for a first down, any roughing the passer call when the quarterback is sliding in parentheses, that's bullshit, the five yard automatic first down for a legal contact. And the second one is he thinks every player should bet on the game, so we know they fucking care.

Okay, you know it's another brutal one is after the game's over and you've lost your bet, seeing the like uh picture on Instagram that all the analysts picked that team and around, You're like, if only I had seen.

That before the game.

It's Sunday night football.

It works every single time.

Ginger, you don't play on Jason Garrett.

Oh my god. I don't know how you're so nice to him. I don't get it. I like Jason perfectly.

Don't you brought it up?

Have you ever asked him why he talks about running the ball now? And he did?

But but you know this is where I'm sensitive. I'm compassionate, I care, I love my children, I love my wife.

Jason Garrett love Jason Garrett. I can't believe he said that outloud. That's somebody's gonna cut that and they're gonna play it ten years from now. You're gonna be embarrassed. You're gonna say, wow, what was wrong with me? I love your wife? Yeah, all right, we know, love your kids. Yeah, I could get comfortable in that house you did.

It's a nice coach.

I know when I'm going to the refrigerator like I'm you know, and then his wife would be like, oh, all open the all open your beer for you so much bullshit, all open and we got it.

I got a new she'll blee or something like, I don't even know what the fuck those are and she's offering it to Danny. Yeah, yes, but she was like, I'll open your beer.

She pulls out the yellow taiale for you.

Whoa right, Yeah, that's right. That's like twelve dollars wine, double bottle boxed wine.

Friends.

Yeah like that.

Okay, that's it. By the way, Shan Irving wherever you get your podcast, and you can also follow him on social media.

Get some vulnerability in your life. Yeah, get some in your life, Get some Jesus in your life.

Were you playing for one man when you wrote that?

Or no, I was just mad at that Chapel Roone girl who kept saying that everybody who has kids is miserable, Like you ain't knowing shit. Shut up, You're just mad because you made decisions that you're gonna regret in the next ten years. That is Shayan Irving.

There's Dylan, the graphics guy, the Rave, the pre Marvin has to listen to all this bad Larry as well, and you're truly taking.

A gamble in more ways than one.

We'll talk to you next week.

M hm m m