Episode 157: Tears in Public

Gambling was something that I did. This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble. One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet without doing the actual gambling. You're a coward. It's easy to have a scapegoat. And now joined by bad Larry Shay and Irving and Dylan the graphics guy. I have friends. Here's Dan Patrick.

Hey, Larry, Hey, guys, was up.

Hey drinking buddy Larry? Oh? Yeah, yeah, Dan.

I didn't get out of downtown Portland till nine o'clock that night. Okay, my wife and son they texted me back right after I sholdem I was meeting you there. They texted me back, should we meet you? And I obviously didn't see that for another hour till after I got in my car. I said no, Dan just left, but uh well, he said they wanted to get some meet So we went to some ti food place pretty close to it. I don't remember the name. Four letters like N.

Larry Hi, it's fire.

So yeah, so I'm in I'm in Maine and Larry goes, hey, what are you doing tomorrow? And I said I don't think I'm I have anything next, I don't hear from Larry, and then all of a sudden, I drive to Portland, Maine, and I'm going down there with my wife and one of my daughters, and Larry goes, hey, I'm headed up to your place, and I go, wait, I'm not there. First of all, we didn't agree that you were coming up to my place, and I said, well, why don't

Why not?

I just I don't. I didn't want to do you know what to do without let me I know you did. Let me rephrase it. I don't want to drink an afternoon.

With anybody of a night owl.

I don't enjoy the drink. Day drinking and then you take a nap and then you wake up and then you're like, oh, I feel terrible.

You can't get a snap.

Wait wait, wait, so you're more like a night drinker, like you won't no during the day.

I had three beers when I was at lunch with Larry.

That's it.

Yeah, But if we stayed I would have had six beers.

And then when was the last time you had lunch to happy hour?

I don't know, like the four hour.

No, that's not any fun.

But the staff turnover.

Yeah, when they do the check drop and they're like, we're changing service.

Oh yeah, I'm staying here.

I just don't I'm good at it, but I don't want to be good at day drinking.

That's fair, I think.

I just it's the best that.

Yeah, this time of year. It is a bit of an American tradition.

Okay, like if we started drinking right now, yeah, and then you know it doesn't stop.

No, it doesn't. But the way you do it is you use American ingenuity. So you start drinking now at at four pm, you start doing some extracurriculars.

No, no, I'll get you back up. No, read the Bible, yeah exactly, that's.

What you do.

A couple of prayers. Yeah, and you're good, but bad Larry and I it was nice to see Larry, and uh, you know, we we just get right back to what we normally do. We just sit there and chat and sip some beers.

I've been to Main with you. Yeah.

Uh well, bad Larry was already there. I didn't invite him to Maine.

I might vacation.

Yeah, why did do that? And then say, hey, I'm coming up you know the day of I can do that. Hey, I might not be there. But Larry reached out. He's like, all right, I'm coming up, and he was he had like a I don't know, thirty pack of Budweiser. Is that what you have he was bringing butt wise, Yes he must. I'm pretty good. They don't sell Budweiser where I'm Yeah, bring your own Budweiser.

Bring you send us a picture though, you guys look nice?

Yes, we did.

Yeah. My wife took the picture and uh, she said, you want me to take another. I go, that's not getting any better. Trust me. That's as good as yeah. But bad Larry uh looked, you know, looked healthy.

Is damn. Let's say you said you were doing nothing the next day and now it's not like I was totally afraid. I have my grandkids and I had to like trying to find some time to see you. So I figured you'd be watching the Saint John's game, That's why. So I was actually in the gas station and I just figured I just text let Dan know I'm coming, you know, on my way to your house and I.

Know, but you you should tell me that you're thinking of doing that, not I'm on my way that it seems like you're inviting yourself.

No, that was giving you an hour, you know, because I.

Don't know I needed I needed an out.

You you can't get to Canada at an hour from.

There at an all right? Uh? But yeah, bad Larry was on the road. By the way, Larry won one unit last week, so he's got plus five Shay one one and a half or two and a half, two and a half.

You can skip this.

Dylan lost seven units. He's now minus twenty one.

Jesus age, I don't have nothing said.

I don't know if I can keep you on the show.

Well, you need like a gambling heelone.

I mean, if somebody is fading Dylan right now, yes, they're up twenty one, but this is when somebody's going to fade him.

Now you say that, now they're going to fade him, and now they're gonna get pissed.

It this weekend. But Toche, your minus two and a half looks stellar compared to that.

Feel great, look great. It's a bad day for comedies. It's opening day of baseball. It's time for me to get back on that horse of America and run.

How was uh football? Big East Football?

Oh my god, Danny, it's pretty awesome.

First off, the cleanest porta potties I've ever seen in my life.

And where'd you go? Where in West Haven?

Okay? Literal Italy essentially Okay Texas roadhouse. Yeah, I mean Italian to Wasp is like sixty to one. But you get nervous about that. Yeah, But to be fair, they had a lot of extracurriculars. They let Dylan and Ray bring in their own booze to the game. Ye I was smoking cigarettes pretty much everywhere in the stands. Okay.

We walked up to the thing and there's like a lady checking tickets. They were selling tickets to this and we're like, she's like, where's Mason. And then we're like, we're covering the game. She's like, just go in. I don't really care.

They had a bag of booze and she was like, yeah, go ahead.

We walked by. One of the players was like, shit, I should have brought some.

It was awesome. Guy.

One of the guys was smoking a jay in the parking lot with his pads and stuff on. I think he was playing the next game. I think it was a quarterback.

Actually, yes, Ray, that's what I was gonna say. That somebody was stoned, Okay, ripped. Okay, it was awesome.

I love this.

Signed to ask for a hit? No, not me.

No, I'm not a teenager anymore.

You're not listen.

Since they legalize marijuana, I have become anti marijuana. Does that make sense?

The culture is pretty lame.

The culture's lame. I am sick and tired of walking around in New York City. Oh that is true. I'm sick of it. I am freaking sick of it. Call me a boomer or whatever you want to do. I don't want to walk out of Grand Central and just smell your skunk weed bullshit. Okay, would you rather have that or urine? Well, if it's one of the two, I'm going to take the urine. Yeah.

Yeah, Well, because you want to smoke the or smell the urine, I'd.

Rather smell the urine in the Grand Central bathroom than I would like. Okay, yeah, walking down Washington Park.

That's like a New York staple too.

It was a mistake, and I think, honestly, I think legalizing gambling and legalizing marijuana was a big mistake. I think that these kids. Did you know they can use credit cards on these websites dam in different states?

Yeah, certain states you can.

Use a credit card.

Oh, I know this is going to be We won't feel this until another seven to ten years.

You should have to find a bookie. You should have to meet an Italian fella and he'll give you a thousand dollars card. No, no, no, seriously, because you can go to a MasterCard and get a five thousand dollars limit. Nobody gives a ship, but no book He's given a nineteen year old kid a five thousand dollars limits.

No, hell no, Larry, when you when your son Johnny P started gambling.

He gambled on one on my accounts, there you go, but but not with a bookie, one that I funded with money, and I don't know. About three years ago, my wife questioned why I had like three gambling accounts, and I said, I don't know. I just get better lines and she goes get rid of two of them. I hope the show I gave them the Johnny. I haven't gone on those or funded them in three years Johnny uses them, now, okay, and I just and I just used my you know the one the Italian guy met fucking.

Stick exactly exactly same, God.

Right, and you know we have our own arrangement.

So right, that's how it should be.

I agree with. I wasn't even aware that you could go online with a credit card credit or.

That blows my mind. A thirty percent interest, twenty nine point interest.

I'm not sure you can do that in Jersey.

Well there's also like that will death.

I don't mind kids gambling. If they have to put their one hundred dollars agreed, yeah, agreed, then they then they have to wait till that game ends, and exactly so they can bet the next game. If you're stealing your dav's credit card and you know, putting twenty grand into a gambling account, it is crazy. They can't allow that.

No, No, this is it's bad. It's bad, bad spad.

And they have like the online.

Caste legalized cocaine like and heroin. I'm serious, yeah, I'm dead serious.

Well why not from a regulatory standpoint.

You got people ode in, you got people getting bad ship, there's fentanyl everywhere. If you got a government regulated cocaine and heroin distribution network. First off, it would kill the cartel business. Second off, we would have a whole a lot less overdoses. And we're already on the marijuana train.

What the fuck are we doing? What are we doing?

But they mean more or less annoying than the weeds. What would what would like a cocaine dispensary look like because normally the weed stores like Shangri Line.

No, this would be like hardcore FDA approved cocaine.

You take it to the police station exactly.

Didn't they used to give cocaine.

They had liquid cocaine.

Yeah, yeah, that was like original, Like dot, I was born.

In the wrong decade.

Tell you what. You would not be alive with.

Sh Shane in the eighties at like twenty two years.

Like the eighteen eighties. Morph you know. I had liquid purkoset one time, Danny, Oh.

My god, that's like Tussin X.

No. Somebody had a back surgery. I won't name them, but I knew them and they didn't want to get du dude, so they gave me. They gave me their liquid purcoset. Lord have mercy. It was like Lean times ten Marvin. It was crazy.

Wow, mark what. I've never partaken in lean, but.

It's really expensive.

That's a shame.

Hydro pro metazine, it's amazing.

I remember in college there would always be like a couple of kids who anytime someone would be like, oh someone like tore the a cl or like broke, I gott be like, hey, I heard you had a shoulder surgery. How you doing? By the way, you can eat all those pills yet or what?

Yeah?

Hey, really sorry to hear about your surgery. You're gonna eat all those percosets.

Also, I stole your Potter.

Really liquid liquid purpose.

Oh man, I mix it with the quila. Danny Daddy went to another dimension.

At the Texas Margarito.

That was That was on.

Our anniversary night. That was on our anniversary night. We went to a really nice French restaurant in Ridgefield. I'm sure you can think of it.

I know it's one yeah, And in.

The middle of dinner, I started crying. I have no idea why, I'm so out of my mind, like I was in a fifth dims.

It's very French of you.

It was liquid percoset in tequila like all day, like from noon till seven. And it was our anniversary night, and I was like, does your.

Wife know you're doing this? Yeah?

Oh no, no, no, she didn't know about the look a percocet. She knows later, like later I told her, oh.

Yeah, well, how are you hiding liquid percoset in tequila dating?

I'm a pro.

I don't know. If you started crying, yeah, from.

That, you're you really hide it? Well yeah yeah.

Besides the tears in public, I was doing great.

Yeah, poor thing, your state frets are ruined.

That was like our ten year anniversary.

What do you But how do you get to that point where you're going, I'm gonna do liquid percoset tequila on our anniversary. Oh that's easy.

Somebody comes up to you and says, hey, I have liquid percocet, and it happens to be your universary, so you drink.

The timing couldn't have been working.

You have the tequila already on your desk, and you're like, well, mixed two together. It was great. I was floating.

You're a romantic.

Thank you, Dylan.

That's the Airton song, right, tears in public? Don't bring that guy, Okay, say cocaine. Dylan's final four bet of Alabama Michigan State Houston, Maryland is still alive at plus forty seven Maryland.

Actually that's one of those ones where I'm like, this has no shot of hitting, but it's like.

Hey, I like it in Maryland.

Travel and uh Shade talked a good game with betting on horses. He wanted to have us acknowledge his greatness. And then what do you do?

I lost every bet I made, no bullshit, eight races in a row, every single bet, trifecta, one place, show, super fecta exactly. It didn't matter, lost every single bet. I got smoked.

Okay, So we're not going to acknowledge your sports betting horse me, not anymore.

No, Okay, I.

Got yeah horse Umber six at Aqueduct. It's a lock.

No, Keyno has been killing me too. Keino has been murdering me.

Let's see, so bat Larry h Yeah, it kind of hit or miss, but you know you you survived. You you missed on the Black Panthers minus four.

And a half Panthers. He talked me into that that the Black Panthers killed me.

What was the final score of Brooklyn versus the Black Panthers, Well, it.

Was zero zero at halftime.

That's true.

The under is pretty good in that league.

We've we've kind of we've kind of got the inside track. Then it's just take the under and every single game.

Okay, uh shae you uh golf.

My top twenties came in pretty clean. Lucas Glover and Corey Connor. By the way, the one time I don't bet freaking Auburg, Yeah, the two times I don't bet him to win, he's won.

Yes, Ray, Is he becoming Diego Pavilla of golf?

Are we handing out the Diego Award?

It's lying dormant?

Should we hand out the Diego Pavia Award to Shay because that's as close as we get to a horse there.

That's actually I like that, like the award is and only certain areas though.

This is look like a quarter horse. This is what I lost all my money on sprints.

When it's two in the morning, you're betting on Australian races and you just slam your laptop shut.

Three am betting Australian turf. There's twenty horses in the field. I'm missing all of them. It's bad. Where's your wife sleeping with a face mask? Going through we you can still hear you. Oh no, no, I got the phones Danny's bluetooth. Okay, So here's me grunting and screaming, pillow over my face.

That's just a sleep app Yeah.

It's bad.

Let's see Dylan. You want to go. There's a lot of blood on this page. Prefer a blood of blood? Okay? You still? Okay? That leads us to bets this week. Bad Larry is the clubhouse leader, my good drinking buddy, Larry, you go first, all right?

I went. I bet every basketball game. I don't usually do this, but there's only eight of them. So I took Duke minus the nine and a half against Arizona, Texas Tech minus the five and a half against Arkansas b Why you plus the five and a half against Alabama and Florida LA. And the six and a half against Maryland. They're all tonight, Okay, then tomorrow for Due plus the seven and a half against Houston and a half Auburn eight and a half. I don't like that line movement like that.

No, no, no, we're not doing that. Don't do that.

You understand why. I don't like the movie?

Yeah, money, money, money, But you're you complain when you say, oh, here's the betting line, and then I tell you it's a different point differential.

I was kind of talking to myself, sorry, Dan, I mean I don't like when a line moves like that in my favor, okay, And I put these in the last you know this morning?

All right?

All right? For du plus eight and a half against Houston Auburn minus the eight and a half against Michigan.

Nine and a half?

Was that Gill say nine and a half?

Right?

Right? That was right? So that's nine and a half? Alls? Okay, Well that's fine.

Would you have not believe me, Larry if I said it right?

I just busting my chops? How did not I did use this morning? How are these lines moving? A point?

You moved? You moved them.

The games are today and tomorrow, the bets are coming in.

I understand how it works.

I just attitude problem, bitch?

Yes what allburn minus the nine and a half against Michigan Tennessee minus the four and a half against Kentucky and Michigan State minus the three and a half against Mississippi.

Boo. This is a new low for you, Larry, when you bitch about the line moving even though you're getting an extra point you you found a reason to.

Complain, bitch, And I was just like talking to myself like, wow, I don't like when the line moves against me like that.

I agree, Lair, I'm with you.

And then you came from me, Larry for no guy, why do you do that?

What do you mean?

I want to change that? Diego Pobio work to just Dylan.

Yeah, Larry, take that back.

Yeah, I'm not the one who got bankrupted on Australian horses last weekend.

I got smoked.

All right, what else do you have? Larry?

All right, now this I'm just gonna put out for the people. I'm gonna bet against the White Sox and the under in the White Sox game, at least for the first twenty five games of the season. I was doing at the end of last year, the unders on the White Sox and they don't score, they're gonna they're gonna lose to Day four to two or four to one. Yeah, So give me the Angels against the White Sox. I guess I'm laying one and a half or something, not one and a half runs and one fifty five, thank

Larry Larry's seven and a half.

Thank you.

Now, these half points hurt by the way half run. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna do that not on the show for the next twenty five games, but I'm personally doing that just to let you guys, well.

We're still gonna keep track of it on the show. You're saying it on the show, so it's on the show.

Yeah, Oh so I can bet it all. You know what else I want in? I want to Mets the first fifteen games because they're going to go and five at worst.

We're doing this again. Remember last time, you bet the Mets every single game.

Yeah, and then they traded.

Sure, they tade their two starting pitchers, and if you look at those numbers, no.

No, no, no, no no. We are two starting pitchers who'd barely pick this shit and they're fifty years of age. Okay, we're not going to do that. We're not revisiting that bad day for comedies. All right, So you're you're betting that's that's going to be the first twenty five games for the White Sox, first fifteen games for the Mets.

Good luck.

Right, if you say it on the show, then it's on the show, Larry, Okay.

That's fine. You guys can count. I'm gonna be up by so many units by then it doesn't even matter.

Okay, then what then I'm just telling them, why are you complaint?

I'm not complaining, Dan, I'm just saying, like, I don't want to hear Shay's horse picks. You know, every three days.

You got Wow, I don't know.

What bet the unders and bet against the White Sox. If you don't talk to me every day.

Why did nobody's talking to you every day?

He goes to lunch with you one time, Dan, all of a sudden he thinks he's too big for his breitches.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, why why are you I don't know what's going on here. I seriously, I don't know what you're doing there.

I want I want Shan Ray to jump on and Dylan to jump on this with me. Bet against the White Sox the start of the season, and bet on the start.

What I'm saying is, you're betting on this on the show. It's going to count on the show.

That's all perfect, perfect.

So every you're taking money line, money line of every opponent of the White Sox, and you're taking the Mets money line every game.

Yeah, the season, the first fifteen fifty five with the White Kah.

Yeah, okay, good god, sorry, I know that's a little bit of hard to calculate.

Yeah, it sucks, but it's.

Okay, all right, Uh shay, go ahead, please fine.

We got basketball the Hernandez laying six and a half against the crab Cakes Old Miss plus three and a half against Michigan State.

I'll say that.

And then Tennessee the Volunteers laying four and a half against the third brash crunk Lane eight and a half is eight and a half now, shit fire eight and a half against the engineers. And then I got that under two one thirty two.

I like it.

We're doing futures right now.

I just thought you might want to go over them.

Since it opening day again, it is a bad day for comedies. It's opening day in America. Thank goodness for capitalism and democracy. I got a bunch of MLB futures.

Are you on that text on the signal chat? Yes, no, you're not, okay, but I was curious, did you see.

That, Mike Waltz. Venmo was public until today, and Venmo imports all your contact lists, and they were all kinds of journalists on that list. I think Mike Waltz might.

Be in trouble.

Oh yeah, I think he's been leaking big time, just some lefty journals, but getting paid, No, not getting paid, imports your contacts just like so it's not there's nothing money, okay, but like he has all these Jeffrey Goldberg and all these lefty journalists in his contact But why do you have them? What are you doing? You're talking to him, chatting with him. What are you doing in.

That normal that you're talking to journalists reporters only if you're a leaker.

I think he's in trouble in trump Land, Danny, What.

Don't you think Trump talks to everybody from Fox and calls them all the time.

Trump is a president if he thinks one of his subordinates he was president, of course he talks to everybody else. Yes, was he a leaker?

Yeah?

With National Inquirer, I think he was okay, But we're losing sight of the guy who leaked war information.

Oh I can't believe it. It's amazing.

And then the guy who got the information is now is being blamed for like releasing the no for vot for donating to Hillary Clinton.

How do you leave the chat? If you're a journalist and you're in a signal chat where they're discussing war plans, how do you exit the chat?

You just be like, they'll kick me out right right?

How do you leave that? Like morally, it's your job?

Yeah, that is kind of funny. You're just like, get a text message, We're gonna fucking blow up, yeh.

And you're like, if somebody added you to a group chat about some NFL trade or some shit, would you just say, hey, guys, wrong dude, No, you would just stay right.

Yeah, what the fuck? What are we talking about?

Yeah?

Yeah I didn't. I didn't, you know, break into this, like you contacted me here.

I'm in chats from years ago that I would have laughed, and I'm just too lazy to.

I don't understand how you're a reporter and you just say.

Okay, I quit. Anything else you want to add here?

Yeah, Jeffrey Goldberg's a coward Baseball Rangers laying a hundred bringainst the bow socks and I got the Comedi's laying one fifteen against the Heroin Eagles, Cubs plus one ten against the Diamondbacks and again litose Doyers and he grays over six and a half. I mean, first off, Schooble, Okay, fine, he's pretty good. Okay, fine, Blake Snell he ate over six and a half. Hit that with the mortgage kids. Schoobl's pretty good. Oka, he's great?

Yeah left too, Yeah, yes, that's right.

I mean Blake Snell's era last year was three point one over.

Yeah, but he only pitches five inns exactly, so he gives up three runs in five innings, one point one.

I'm alright, okay over Dylan?

All right, Dan? I got Alabama minus the five and a half against BYU sacrilegious. Sorry shay uh. Maryland money line against the Gators, wow, twenty five?

Why would you do that when you have them in the final four? Bet?

Because I just like, I'm a double down.

What's the point? It's a way better payoff if they whatever?

Because I think they're going to win the game.

Well, he's not controlling anything, he's just betting on it. So it's not no, of course, I'm just saying, what's I mean juice.

Way to hedge it. I mean, I just win the bet on the game, and then then.

Why are you asking for log I'm sorry.

What's your logic? Why why not do that?

Because you've already got him in a huge parlay. The other three are probably going to hit Maryicans immediately. Flawed logic. The other three are probably going to head.

Well, they're all favorites.

No they're not. Yeah they are Michigan State.

Oh it was Michigan State in there. Yeah, I thought Houston was in there.

No or no, it's Houston, Houston. We're talking about Houston, Bama, Maryland, you have Michigan, Houston.

You don't even know who you have.

Oh my god, forget it. Alabama, Michigan just got fast forward click a fast forward ten second.

I am I am going to blame this on Larry. Larry start. I'm agreed, attention, everybody's in a good mood. And then Larry started it.

That's fine, you can blame it.

I'm dan we are.

I'm still trying to write down the rest of Dylan's ficks.

Okay, go Larry, you've fucking asshole, all right. It's like a Maryland money line. Texas Tech minus five and a half against calib Perry, friend.

Of the show, of the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he brought his jacket.

He wants to go to Maine.

He did, Dan, he wants to go to Maine. Shane might mysteriously, you don't invite anybody.

Dan.

What if she's like, Hey, I'm in Maine with Calipari, can we come up to the house?

I would say yes.

Do you think he wore that jacket on purpose to troll Rick Patino?

I I wouldn't put it past him.

Yeah, yeah, because that's the same exact pattern. It's an ugly allegedly that was on the table of the restaurant.

No, that's that's an Italian Wow.

Damn every pizza place.

I have a premature Yes, okay, go Dylan, damn other things.

Texas backs five and afganst Arkansas, Michigan State minus three and half against Ole Miss Shade. Tell me why I shouldn't bet that one either, because I have Michigan State in the four, Michigan at plus nine a half against Auburn. I actually think Michigan might win the game out right. Purdue plus eight and a half against Houston and then obviously, oh no, and I have separate bets Maryland to reach the final final plus fifteen hundred and Michigan State to reach the final plus eight fifty.

Yeah, go anything else.

Playing battleship Dan MLB parlay today, Brewers money line against the Yankees, Met's money line against the Astros, and Paul Skan's under six and a half strike.

Of the ship plus ninety.

Less than forty also taken Marlins with Sandy a Contra on the bump against the Pirates straight up one and Tigers straight up against the Dyers plus thirty.

Chay's been on the bump before.

Right, Yes, sir, more of the lines man, Yeah, more relignes.

But you were were you starting pitcher or closing?

More of a Gator tail enthusiast. I am not afraid of massive.

He's a he's a middle reliever. They bring him to clean up the mess.

A lot of mess. Is there anything else that you have doing? Yes?

Dan? A couple futures the Chicago White Sox over fifty three and a half, the longest.

The longest. Yeah, I mean I gotta go take a nap.

Okay continue White Talk's over fifty three and a half. Wins A's over seventy one and a half wins and my annual donation to the Sportsbooks Mets to win the World Series plus twelve hundred.

Shane Irving wherever you get your podcast? Uh bad, Larry, thank you for your whatever contributions you made. Thank you.

I'm gonna go day drink now, and I don't usually day drink.

Good bay, Larry, You're not day you don't have one?

No, no, no, I'm going to go start it up right now, I think. No, No, just Tuesday, Wednesday, got it. It's my Saturday right now?

Yeah, brother, yeah, okay, all right. So uh for Dylan and Ray the producer Marvin who has to put up with all this while running all the technical stuff here nearest, truly have yourself a great sweet sixteen.

Well, we'll talk to you again next week.