Gambling was something that I did. This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble. One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.
Without doing the actual gambling. You're a coward.
It's easy to have a scapegoat. And now joined by Bad Larry, Shay and Irving and Dylan the graphics got I have friends. Here's Dan Patrick. Hey, you're bobbing your head. You gotta yeah. How about being audible? Yep, I'm here, okay, all right? Dylan, Hey Dan, Okay, No, no, no, I don't want you bobbing like yes, I want you just an audible yes, yes.
Ray, Yes, Dan, I'm here.
Okay, good, all right, So you got bat We have everybody here, full lineup and uh, bad weekend for everybody. Bad Larry lost two units, Dylan lost five, Shay lost one, and he just screptancys in the mouth here.
No, I'm gonna accept it. I talked to Ray this morning, although Notre Dame and JM. You covered with the bookie when you bet them Saturday morning. But I lost him on the show.
You know what just happens it does, but that's why we placed the bets here so everybody can hear the bets, then they can follow the bets, not you and your bookie allegedly on Saturday morning.
Okay, is it can be tough for everyone?
Who I mean Dylan. They pulled Dylan out of chemistry class to kick that field goal. It wouldn't have mattered, it would have won to be over on a Notre Dame game. They're up thirty five seven, like a minute and a half to go on again, they pulled some guy who's never played, like some scene like Bert Ruby out of the stands. You kick a fucking field goal.
Larry, I told you I've never taken chemistry.
I was just frustrated that nice. So I had to text you, Dylan.
Well you've taken chemicals. You just haven't taken chemicals research chemicals. The Dylan Pavia awarders at Diego Pavia. Diego Pavia Award goes to Dylan. He tried to make a big comeback, went one and three on his big unit bets. He lost Utah moneyline bet to Colorado. So congratulations, Dylan, you have won the Diego Pavia Award six times this year.
I almost jordaned it.
I've had I think Larry snuck won in there, but otherwise I would have gone six in a row.
All right, recapping here, I don't know. There's a lot of blood. There's a lot of blood red on everybody's cheet here. I think I did great, Danny, Like the public got smoked, especially on Sunday, and I lost one unit.
Okay, that's a win in my book, honestly.
Why not? Okay, So now we're taking moral victories here, Canny, we can, we can. We can check the scoreboard here plus ten and a half units lost one last week. All right, calm down, I'm going to take it. You might be losing your wife. So that's a loss, dude, Danny, you have no idea the amount of therapists that she's recommending. Like on our insurance panel, it says like these are
the therapists to take your money. They're all women, ninety percent of them don't have kids, seventy five percent of them eight married, and they want to talk to me about marriage counseling.
But it says that they don't have kids.
On the thing, No, I can tell from the busy look at them. That is a childless woman. Obviously. Yeah, I remember therapy was suggested a long time ago for my friend. And the therapist was a priest. And he goes, what does the priest know about marriage? And he he had a radio show the challenges of modern day marriage. Okay, yes, father Norbert Burns. And he goes, why am I going to this priest to help me in my marriage? I said, yeah,
I think you got a point there. You're good. No, no, no, I'm in trouble, big trouble.
Say I feel like you'd be all in on a priest therapist.
Never not a priest. Well, Catholicism is a lie. The only way to Christ is through the Father, not some priest in the corner. So that's in the Bible. Good luck, have fun in a purgatory. But why are you in trouble? Does this all stem back from She goes to Taylor Swift. Yes, you stay at home with the kids. The eight year old throws up in her bed, you make her do the laundry. Correct. So this is the roommate saying I need to work through whatever demons I have from my
past that makes me ask. So last night, Danny, we got a four year old. You know, Fifi the baby. That's what I do. She's a violent child. She is has her own opinions already. She is humongous. She's dangerous. Yes. And at night she was like, I'm not going to bed, go to hell. And she's yelling at the roommates, screaming at the roommates. So the roommate comes in and I'm watching the game, and the roommate comes into the room and says, you know, you gotta do something. I said,
all right, you go downstairs. I'll put this baby to bed right now. She said, what are you gonna do? So just go downstairs. I'm gonna put the baby to bed right now. She goes downstairs and I will walk in there and I say, baybabe, lock it up, take her clothes off. We gotta put on diaper now. She's like, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. And then she does it all and I put her to bed, lights off, see you later. Don't close the door, door shut good night.
It ain't you know, the opposite of general parenting. And so the roommate and I are downstairs and talking about life and she's, you know, the baby's crying, mummy, mummy, And I'm looking at her, like, don't you dare go upstairs. You just asked me to help you. I helped you, and five minutes later she's upstairs cuddling the baby. So in my mind, I'm not needed anymore. The help that I provided was not appreciated. I don't care to help in the future. And the roommate thinks that that nexus
of ideas demands therapy and I disagree. So are you at an impasse? Yeah? Yeah, we're at an impast We're at an impass because I'm not drinking. So if I was drinking, I'd be able to just drink these feelings away and go to sleep.
Have you suggested that I have?
And the roommate has vigorously lobbied against my not just drinking, but also the drug use. I would lobby against that too, I don't you know what I mean. Thank you, Dylan, Thank you. I think I surrounded by communists. I'm not allowed to do drugs. I have three daughters and a wife that doesn't work. I should be mandated drugs and alcohol, Like, how else do you sleep? Yeah? I want to bet at two in the mortal last night.
You know, if I was your therapist, I would say fair enough.
I have my own therapist who agrees with me. And of course I got to find these the roommates, got to find these childless cat ladies that tell me what to do with me in my life. It's it's absurd, Danny, it ain't right, and I gotta pay for it too. Fuck ad Yeah, yeah, all right, Well, we did have people who were concerned, and I just wanted to give them a welfare update. I'm not doing well, that's the update. Ain't well.
Yeah, but you're up units.
Check.
Yeah.
Uh. How did everybody do with the Tyson Jake Paul?
I think it's zero's across the board.
Yeah, I know, I bet I bet first round by Tyson, and I think I didn't even watch the fight. I couldn't stay up. I went to bed with five rounds to go in the woman's fight because I just said, I'm not waiting up anymore.
That girls fight was crazy? Did her? That was the best fight on the card. Okay, so he watched it to me when I said that this would go the distance and it'd be Jake Paul would win by decision, and that he didn't Nobody knocking anybody down, nobody's hurting anybody. He held back on Tyson, He could have dropped him in any rere Although there you know, Marvin and I saw that piece of video today and there is a moment where Mike Tyson be Mike Tyson would have knocked
him out. It's right there. It's the right hand, the right hand. Oh my god, he pulls it down. He pulls it down, like, I don't know how you explain that. Even if you throw it and you miss or it's deflected, then you're at least making it. He didn't even make an attempt to knock him out a match, right, Like, they hit harder and sparr matches than.
They hit no insult sparring, Okay, but like on a TV sparring match where they're just basically damning.
Celebrity boxing, they hit harder than they did in that match.
Tanya Harding had a better boxing match than he.
Well, I don't know, Anya, my girl. I guess. I guess Mike is going to fight Logan Paul now and that'll be at WrestleMania.
So that right there automatically adds more illegitimacy to it.
Yeah, yeah, WrestleMania. But nothing scripted here.
I mean so I had Tyson to get knocked down and Paul to win by decision at plus five point fifty. That seemed like a no break, like there would at least be one knockdown. And then when his legs were wobbling early on, I was like, oh, nice, here we go, Danny.
If they asked you to announce their pregame the next fight with Tyson, would you no? No? Wow?
Half a million dollars today.
If they pay me what they pay them, then I'll do that. Well, twenty million, that'll bust a budget, all right, I'll take care of that. All right. Fine. I think you should be more involved with boxing. You know the game. I do. I do. I've been around it. I met Tyson in nineteen eighty six. You should be more involved. It needs a reinvigoration, Danny. I think you should be more involved with the game. I went to Sugar Ray Leonard's first retirement. He retired six times. Wow, I don't
want to be involved in this. Sorry, one thing before we go on there.
I feel like the best part of that fight is you're expecting the baddest dude on the planet to come out there and knock someone out, and then you just see his ass on live TV on Netflix like that.
That's pretty cool. Andy.
The trip on the walkout was pretty funny where he could.
He caught himself, but you could he had that look in his eyes like fuck, everyone saw that, didn't they.
Yeah, if that was the only time he was going to fall, like you, you would say, oh, it's Tyson going to take a fall. You didn't think it'd be on walking out.
But he's just trying to keep his eyes up and there's probably like cables and shit going across.
He's like this is a minefield.
All right, let's turn her attention to this week, Shay. Since you're dominating, certainly in the college ranks, you lead us off, Danny. You got the buck, guys laying thirteen and a half against the Kurt Cigarettes, yep, got the over in the shod door he signed a five year extension. Idiot?
Is it great?
You know what he could have done done? Because Dion's leaving Colorado because the Doors in a good drafted. He's going to whatever NFL team is drafted him, either the Jets, Cowboys, whomever whatever. Cigaretti could have gone to Colorado. Okay, yeah, Bill.
Cot would you go from Indiana to Colorado post dion, Oh kind of lateral.
No lateral in my ass. I got the Fighting Gophers plus eleven and a half against the Showerstallers, Liberty the Real Baptist laying one and a half against Western Kentucky, MTSU laying three and a half against the True Aggies, and then Tamu. I don't understand this line minus two and a half against the hooker Watcher. So I don't get it, but I'm doing it. I'm betting it. Yeah, okay, yeah, Texas, I didn't the didn't. Mike Elko said, we got to, you know, keep our focus on on Texas. Yeah. Yeah,
And they're playing Auburn at Auburn. Yeah, it's gonna be great. Yeah, that's a little bit of a slip up therenh wait bad Larry.
Okay, Dan, I'm laying the forty two and a half on Georgia against you.
Mass It's forty forty forty two.
I's gotta be thirty five nothing at halftime and mass Camp score, that's that's gonna be. That's gonna be a shutout. So Georgia minus forty two.
They just fired their coach on Monday, Saw that, and they're not gonna have their starting quarterback. I think it's Tyson Puma Chan something like that, so they don't have him or their head coach. But they're forty two point underdogs.
Oh they're screwed.
Yeah, okay, forege and minus forty two. James Madison minus the seven against app State, Colorado minus the three against Kansas.
I want to add that. Sorry, Layer, don't mean to interrupt. I want to add that. I think I think everybody and their mother's on Kansas Public Dog. Give me Colorado minus three, thank you, laire.
No problem at all. I want Pittsburgh getting the eight and a half from Louisville and then Texas A and M given two and a half to Auburn.
Okay, and got College Okay, Dylan, make some magic, all right, Dan, I need it bad.
I got Purdue plus thirteen and a half against the Spartans after the end zone fiasco last week?
Isn't that? Did somebody get fired at Purdue because they painted the end zone so it's black and then there's a the border of the end zone and then the Purdue player dressed in black is outside the end zone, catches the pass and thinks he scored a touchdown and then realizes he's like two or three yards out of bounds.
Yeah, it's like black pylon and then more black the back of the end zone.
Sounds like a US election to Wow, Wow, where.
Woway?
We were going there?
To Shay all right, Bill.
But fortunately they're playing at Michigan State then, so I don't think that will be an issue that.
Might be douche Oh wow, wow wow. I don't know what I turned on you like, I don't know. I think I'm on the roommate's side, and I know you're not. You don't mean that. You don't mean that. I don't I'm a good parent, Danny. I think general parenting is for cowards. I instruct strict scipline, structure, and balance, and my kids thrive in it. It comes in with a hippie bullshit and they don't know which way to go or what mood she's in.
What about a happy media now cowards?
Well, how about a good cop, bad comp that always works? Doesn't It sounds like it's not working exactly.
Yes, Marvin is shaye A do as I say, not as I do type of prayer.
I did as I did? Y. Yeah, I lie to my kids every day. They're always like, Daddy, you have any girlfriends before mama? Nope, not at all. Super virgin met your mother, got married, had kids. That's life. No.
No, But what I mean is like, if you smoke cigarettes right now, your parents you tell your kids not to smoke cigarettes.
I always thought those people were stupid.
No, my kids don't know I smoke. My kids don't know I smoke, and they think that the chew and tobacco I have is daddy's medicine. So we're going to keep that theory going. Yeah, my scam going on there very much.
So yeah, what I mean.
And then they're gonna find out, and then they're gonna go, you lie to us, and then they're going to listen to this show, and I'm corn holed. That's the problem. They're going to find it internet, you call the handbag and son.
Of a bit.
That's a later problem.
Yeah. Yeah, they're not finding it anytime soon. When they do, it'll be like you'll be gone and then they'll go yeah, yeah, right.
At like twenty twenty eight or something. When you're laun, We'll not.
Dead, I don't. I mean, you could just be gone out of the picture. Yeah, in Panama with my second family. Yeah, I don't Yeah, I don't want. I don't want your dad sing sing with a cooler room Rikers.
Yeah, you'd have a much cooler roommate there, that's for sure.
Oh yea Novia comost us, you could have P Diddy with you? What the fuck is?
Get the baby? Ready?
Yeah?
What's you just go? Gay? Say? Go? Okay, it make a great story. I could do that whatever. Yeah, if I've reached it, I've reached the pinnacle of women, I might as well, you know, figure out at all. Okay, the roommate that's a roommate when she listens, Hey, I love you, You're the best. You're the best ever.
The only thing better would be P Diddy?
Yeah, exactly, Yes. The only person I'd ever leave you for hunt is P Diddy? What the fuck happened to this show? I have? Oh you're asking now? Okay, Dylan, you just said you're taking Purdue thirteen getting thirteen and a half.
Yes, sir, And I'm going Indiana straight up. I know Ohio state three seventy Okay, I can probably already predict right now. Yeah, but my rule is no more betting against Indiana so I'm not breaking any of my rules, okay, and they're legit. And Ohio State is not the Ohio state that we all know.
His line open at ten and a half.
Yeah, it's been bet up a bunch of things.
Yeah, the timing is interesting, but oh well, I got Notre Dame minus the fourteen and a half against Army.
Sorry, Shay, not a Patriots communist.
You could argue Notre Dame is as patriotic as Army.
Bullshit.
Yeah, they're Catholic, is actually.
As Army.
There's probably more American fans of Notre Dame football than.
Of Army football.
That's not the point.
I know, it's not the point.
Army's going to serve this country after school for four years minimum.
Well, all those Irish Notre Dame fans think they're doing the fucking Lord.
Yeah yeah, yeah, and fucking Lehman brothers selling commodities. They are going to ruin the futures. Yeah, okay, So Notre Dame minus fourteen and a half, yep, I.
Got Penn State and Minnesota under the forty five. Both these defenses do not allow a lot of points I think under twenty a game, and I've got UCLA plus the four and a half against USC. It's actually the famous game where Ray and I made the hair dye bet and I'd dye my hair blue last year, right, two years ago, two years.
Ago, damn, didn't you go to a funeral?
I did Dan with my blue blue hair, and I had to bleach the hair first because my hair is black, so I just looked like fucking.
Another communist, another communist blue hair.
Well, then when the die left, it was just like I had like spaghetti squash hair and I had to shave my head. So it's a much longer proposition than I'd originally signed up for.
I'd rather do attach, so UCLA plus four and a half again, So he's kind.
Of been my one of my only good horses this year.
Shae the NFL. Yeah, Fighting Harbors plus three against Heroin Town. I got what I got the fighting Baker Mayfield's laying five becaust the Hagant's Temmy de Vito is starting. Thank goodness, I can bet against another Italian green Bay laying two and a half against the Niners. And then I got the over in the TT game Danny Titans Texan's over forty one got low T no titties T T titty T love them big fan. That's the therapy. You know what the problem is? You know what. I don't have
the roommate in thinking about this. So I've got a lot of charm, Danny. You're on record saying I got a lot of charm. I got game, you do, I got chrismas ok, I got the risk. So I go to therapy and I tell this female therapist he's got no kids, probably not a lot of options in her life, late thirties, eggs, dying, way over educated, dealing with a lot of low tea men in the dating pool. And I tell her, Hey, you know, this is what I'm doing. I'm a firm, strong masculine figure in my household, and
I'm disciplining the children. The amount of times those kind of women have attacked me physically and emotionally, yeah, yeah, physically I've been attacked by a therapist. No, by women who need masculine men. They have attacked me. I don't think the roommates thinking this through, Danny. I think, uh, we could be in troubled waters.
On the winner of this next therapy.
Doubt you have to define winner.
I feel like It'll be pretty obvious.
If the therapist asked me out, do I win? Yes, for sure. All right, let's let's bet on it. If she asks you out, will you go out on a date? Of course not. I'll tell your child is for a reason. Leave me alone. We're not paying any more money. All right? Uh bad, Larry nfl pick no, No, we have to move on.
Sorry, it was important, It's not.
That important, Larry, Larry gets it.
Yeah, I never I've never agreed with Shay a lot of his arguments with the roommate. But Shay, if the roommate asked you to help put the kids to bed, and you put her to bed, and then ten minutes later she goes and coddles with him, that's that's that would be a fight with me and my wife. Also, I mean you asked for my help. I did what you want. This is the way I want to handle it. And then you observe my responsibility by this one. I
agree with you on this one. I mean, the eight year old shan I have to change her own bed when she's sick. I disagreed with that one last week, But this one, I'm on your side. Honey. I took care of it. I put I put the little baby to bed. You cannot go in there for an hour. Just sit here next to me and watch TV. I don't care, but I don't care, and so I'm agreeing with you on that one. Say yeah, I don't know about dating the therapist, but I can't go that far.
All right. Over in the Brown Steelers game tomorrow night, thirty six and a half, I think it is. I also have the Buccaneers against Tommy Cutlass. Giants have given up, Chess have given up. I'll take the Buccaneers laying the five. Say I'm sorry about this. With the commander's given ten of your cowboys, boy talk about a welfare check. I almost checked on you. I almost checked on you the other night.
Thanks ten and a half, ten and a half mine, yeah, yeah.
Over on the Broncos Raiders game at forty one yep, and then I want a two unit, two team tees. I guess six points to just the Liones. I want the Bucks and the Dolphins. So the Bucks getting the point and the Dolphins down will pick them. We're pretty close Dolphins down given one. Yeah, okay, two units on that, so two team tees are Bucks Dolphins.
All right, Dylan, here we go.
For some reason, this is starting to make me think the Giants are gonna win out right. Here we go, And I'm going to add that Ray Giants money line.
I got a feeling it's in the air.
But other than that, I got Browns plus three and a half against the Stillers. I feel like everyone's gonna be on the Steelers in Cleveland. The Steelers did beat my Ravens with zero touchdowns, which is fascinating, but also it doesn't really bode that well for them either. Jamis is gonna ball out. Ok He's so due, Okay, all right, and the fucking.
Giants do for a cognitive test, Well yeah, here we go.
Oh okay.
And then I'm putting two units on the Dolphins minus seven against the Patriots in Miami, which has been the Patriots kryptonite forever.
Basically, uh.
And I got Lions minus the seven and a half against the Colts because there's no reason not to take the Lions against the spread until of an otherwise MHM Raiders money line against the Broncos. Wow, plus two hundred Like that a lot the divisional matchup. Broncos are primed for a letdown spot bo Nix can't keep it up.
But yeah, I said, I said it an't he married doesn't matter?
Hmm, I think it does, you guys.
Wow, and Ravens minus three against the Chargers on Monday Night, and then I've got a parlay Dan because they've worked so well in the past. Nick Chubb a first touchdown score uh and Kyron Williams first touchdown scorer that pays plus thirty three hundred.
Wow.
And I could use that.
Yes, yeah, are you still doing your podcast? Are you allowed to do that at home? I am? Yeah, yeah, I'll never be stopped with that, Danny. Okay, So wherever you get your podcast, Shyan Irving podcast, the roommate is not allowed on the podcast, not anymore. Oh, this would be the time to have her on the podcast. Do you think I should? Honestly, you think I should like have she loves.
You could do a public therapy session basically, see you hash it out and then let the people decide.
Yes, Okay, that's not a bad idea. Actually I could I could thank you present the conflict to the people.
Yeah, yes, yes, that'd be a little democratic of you.
But boo, we all know how lame democracy is can we have her on here? Look what it got us?
Oh?
Yeah, can we have your wife on this show? The roommate he would jump with the occasion, So I'm going to say no, Okay, absolutely not. I can't make her that happy.
All right, round one?
You've given round one to Shay? Okay, big one?
Wait till the final Okay.
Uh So, I think we've done everything we needed to do. I think we've accomplished what we needed to accomplish dealing any parting words.
I need to figure it the fuck out, Dan, that's basically it.
Yes, you do.
It's been rough, but you know I've been in a hole before.
Good for you, brother, congratulate, No, not that kind of congrat sex. Yeah, I don't know why we're going there, bad Larry. Any parting words.
I think we should get paid for Shay's therapy session we just handled. Wow, Thanks Claire, No, Shay, we're talking out. This is good.
Yeah, this is he agree with you.
I think you're I think you're right on that. This last one.
Thank you. It means a lot coming from somebody who been married for like fifty years. I appreciate it.
Yeah.
And if the carbon monoxide line is going off. Make the fucking four year old deal with it.
Fuck off, cut off, Shay, anything else that you would like to add more than what you've already added, Danny. I think I've really just dominated today. I think I've done great. If I would add anything, it would be to keep listening to this show and this day in every podcast. Thank you. Okay, Well that'll do it. Uh my, thanks to all their participants. Good luck this weekend. We'll do it again next week. Wait, we have Thanksgiving next week.
So what Well, you're not going to have Thanksgiving next week, Danny? That got the whole roommates in laws coming over, maybe some family friends. It's going to be a ship show.
Well, you'll be at a Danny's.
Yeah, you're not.
I'm smoking.
I'm smoking a bird in the trigger. I'm smoking a bird in the trigger like I did last year. Okay, great last year goose instead last year? You're right. Yeah, I got kicked out of Austria last year Austria. That that was really bad.
Well, they don't like to talk about the stuff.
We're going back for Christmas. Okay, So for Shay and Irving Dylan the graphics guy, Bad Larry in Jersey picture de Ray and also Marvin Yours truly thanks for joining us on Dan Patrick takes a game to true p