Episode 140: No Thank You Larry

Gambling was something that I did.

This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward. It's easy to have a scapegoat and now joined by Bad Larring, Shayan Irving and Dylan the Graphics Got I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick.

So you were I've dated several strippers yeah, okay, yeah, but love them, Like what's your wrap? So when you go to the titty bar, you do not buy a dance at all. Drink yeah, no, sure, order food, drink whatever you want to do. Do not pay for lap dances. That's beneath you. You just talked to them about how mad they are at their dad, how much better their life could be with you.

What time their shifted chili starts the next day?

Yeah, and then you know how they're studying to be a dental hygiens and all other shit.

You know.

Yeah, But to me, a stripper is an actor. That's it. She's an actor. She's just like Hollywood. She's saint being discovered it she's putting on a show. She has a stage name, right, just like an actor name. She's faking it for everybody else. And then you get to know her and she's like, you know, all I want to do is be loved, and you're like, yeah, because your dad didn't. Wow, So I'm here for you. I think. The last time I went gosh has to be twenty

Oh man.

And I said, I would have worked on me. I said, what's it look like?

Crack?

And she but she was from Kentucky. I love her. And then I said, well, I'm from Ohio and she goes, yeah you are. And then I went with Rob Dibble and because Rob Dibble said we got to go to a strip joint, I said I won't go, but I'm got, you know, thirty minutes. That's it. No, I didn't want to stay in there. Why not because I can't be seen there. Yeah, okay, no, no, no, Man of the people, Dan, thirty. It was thirty minutes. And then he he was doing well,

I'm kind of out unless I'm like blackout drunk.

No, it's a good spot to hang out if they got good food. I'm talking about a strip club without a pole, a gentleman's club. Okay, it's more of a bar, a bar with titties. Okay, but isn't all. Aren't all bars bars with no they take the well, they still have them, Yeah, but they take it bad, Larry. Last time you went to a gentleman's club a long, long.

Time ago, Dan. Okay, we've had this conversation before we left. We left Mohamma's Park with a friend of mine and he had never been, so we took him the.

Old he had never been. Okay, Uh, I'd like to say, and once again, welcome to the podcast already in progress. Bad Larry did wonderful at his daughter's wedding. It was great, Larry. I thought so much of that venue I called the next day and thanked the manager for the incredible performance by his entire staff. No ship, yeah, Dan, it was.

That's all they do was weddings, and it was pretty impressible. We had a blast. They didn't miss a step.

Everything was perfect, dance floor pack the entire night. They had un believable appetizer to start. They had like a tequila bar, They had oysters, they had that big this is it was well well done. All right, lair, where the fucking go? Dude, larry A?

Yeah, someone did I miss you singing a song?

Yeah?

I did what Wait?

People told me? Yeah, I said Dan sing every once in a while. I know he does that. I said that he have a microphone. He said, yeah, he was up on stage with the band. Yeah, I grab where I was or how I missed that?

I grabbed the bass player's microphone and sany what did you sing? I have no idea? Oh my god, yeah, I have no idea.

I totally missed that. And I god, I wish.

I didn't three six Mafia or something project project Yes, la r yes, Ray.

Did you do the classic Dan Patrick point when you sang? Because you always always pointed out when you're singing.

No, I don't think I did that, but I think once the song ended, I said, give it up for this grant fucking great band and everybody. It was like wedding crashers when you know, Will Ferrell's out there dancing. But it was Larry gave a great speech, really great speech. It was. It was brief, it was it was not emotional because he didn't cry, but it was it was well done, Larry. You did a great job. He really did.

Thank you, Dan.

Yeah, that was.

That was written from twelve till two in the morning the night before, and I was I gotta admit I was definitely worried about it before I wrote it. You know, what are you going to say? And in front of them, you know, two hundred and fifty people, I was a little worried about it.

No, you did great. You did great. And I met your wife's sister, So now I understand the yeah, the three Yeah.

I did you had you had met her before, Dan, at knowl I did.

I did, but you know she I'd looked at her differently now after knowing you guys are on the road all the time, you know, sharing a hotel room.

And pharmaceuticals, yes, and ambient. Wait, Dan, how did the how did the Larry's new chompers looking pert look great?

Oh, teeth look great.

Shout out to my boy Doc who didn't.

Get invited to the wedding. And by the way, the number of people every guy who was there from Jersey listens to this podcast, Oh wow, every every guy understand that the Dennis discourse we've had over the less.

Look, I'm I'm I'm more impressed with every one of the Irish guys wanted to meet you.

These guys they were from Donegal, Donegal, and then I said, no, it's pronounced Danegal. And then they were like, no, it's Donegal, and I go, it's Danegal. And then they didn't get my sense of you. My wife goes hunt. They don't get your sense of humor. I said, they will buy at the end of the night Hunt They didn't. Yeah, but tried. They were great. You know you're never cheated. No, no, they did not get cheated. And uh, this a good time, good times. Uh. But Larry was proud of you, and

And not much drinking. Uh yeah, the so the after party was back at another barn spring like and as I was like the first one to leave, Not that I was drunk or I was tired, but the plastic shoes I had on, yeahstic I should have been a check and brought a second pair of shoes.

Yeah, like flip flops like you always wear.

I feel like if you're if you have to do any sort of speaking, you have to recalibrate your drinking schedule. Compared to like a normal.

Wedding, Well, Larry was like a grown up. Larry acted like a grown up and I haven't seen.

That, that's first time.

Yes, yeah, he was mature, grown up.

He was attentive, stayed away from I stayed away from the guys doing the frog on the floor on the floor of the dance. But we do that at all are the children's weddings. But at my own daughter's wedding, I decided not to do that.

Smart. Did you see that, Dan, Yeah, I saw him sliding across the floor. That's how somebody loses their front teeth, you know, and their brand notes or right, my brother, we piled on my brother at his wedding. We broke his ribs, no ship. Yeah, he went on his honeymoon with broken ribs like football pile. That marriage didn't last. Okay, here we go. Larry uh put up a zero last week, a.

Pretty pedestrian six and six damp.

But now okay with the wedding, Oh my god, you got it. Okay, never mind Larry's plus seven Dylan minus twenty three and a half. You won one unit last week? Yeah, you missed on the money line.

That was I mean, so fuck last week I swore off fading Indiana and the Iowa under and Michigan covered against Indiana Iowa underhit. And then my big bet was the Broncos money like that was just like I was, like, the gods are that?

But look at who was the big winner last week. Shaye and Irving plus nine units domination. You're up plus eleven and a half and now leading this threesome easily. The Diego Pavi Award goes to bad Larry went one in four on the NFL lost his Jets bet against the Cardinals after saying it was a.

Lot famous last words. Yeah, if you say it's a lock, you should almost just automatically hammer the other side.

By the way, who owes Sammy p an apology here after bashing his picks. I would say that I do because Sammy p went on a fourteen to three run. He's now back to plus three units. So maybe we could have Sammy on again.

You could also argue that maybe you were the catalyst.

Motivation could be a great run. Yeah, because I thought Sammy was just giving us shitty picks on purpose, and then I realized that he wasn't, So say I love Sammy Pick. He loves you, Danny. Yeah, what's his podcast? Chicken dinner? Chicken dinner? Yeah?

Okay, you know, I just I realized, like three days a guy is like, oh Winter Winter chicken dinner.

Yeah.

I didn't put that together.

Well, that's the whole point is what's your chicken dinner? I just thought.

I was like, it's a random name.

Aren't you supposed to have the highest IQ in the building. That's I just good at math. I'm not going to mapth you're better at math than me.

Because I answered the question, you didn't even answer them.

I didn't know you would get deducted points for not answer.

Have you ever that any test ever? You're like, oh, he didn't answer it. Point or zero.

I think one of the SATs or acts don't negate points.

Yeah yeah, Ray, So what it actually is is if you get it wrong, you get more like points off than if you skip it still get points on.

Is that I think that's the SAT but fixed it.

Well I'm older than that, So all right, let me look and see recap anything worth recapping. Yeah, I got a recap, Danny, not a recap. I have a future prediction. Oh oh okay. Texas high school football playoffs start this week six A and five A. I have got from news on the ground. I have a friend of mine who is an actual ref in Texas high school football. We've got some predictions. Waites, He is he fixing shit? No? Wow, you said, would you be smirches character like that?

Danny, Texas high school football ref fixing games?

Dan six A. I want north Shore De Soto and South Lake A little cop hell plus four fifty five A South o'cliff. That's for you, Marvin all the Dallas all black school, Yeah, super black that Dallas. Yeah yeah, well it's that it's south of Dallas black. I mean yeah, I mean like they're segregated. It's just the other way like them Carter High like Carter Yeah, less felons, but Carter High. Uh, that story is crazy lights. Yeah, it's true.

They had D one scholarships, ones going to Tennessee, that one was going to Georgia, everyone except Jesse Armstead. Jesse Armstead was like, Nope, you're.

Going to rob somebody. You might as well be a D one athlete because you have to be physically powerful and you have to be able to run. So I don't blame the kids for branching out. That's all I'm saying.

Wait, but they came from they came from two parent households. Yeah, that is the I'm sorry, that is the that that nothing pisses me off. I worked at an alternative high school and we would yeah, we would have kids that came in and like, oh man, my dad, you have a dead I should.

He loves you and he wants you to do well.

Fucking asshole. Right, he wants me to do right him?

Whoa whoa?

Okay, all right, so you're you're betting on high school football? Yeah, okay, you got some futures for high school football? We're good. No, we can put the notes.

Yeah, but where are you finding lines on these dark dark?

Well? No, Dallas bookies all have lines on these.

Yeah, this is a phone call.

This is a big business down there.

Yeah, playing the Cowboys Stadium will be one of those high school.

I wonder what time they play, if they play in the afternoon. What I mean, do we really have to You don't have to. I just don't know why. I don't know why he wouldn't put the curtains up. That's it, because he forgot. He has that gene that men have that they can never admit they're wrong. But he admits he's wrong for post Malone. Why can't he admit he's

Maybe he's an old school and he uses the sun as like a sun. Dial'll be like, oh to you.

Know what makes sense? If Mike mccarthur came out as an alcoholic, I'd be like, oh, get it now, all right, Yeah you have a problem. That makes sense. But if you're just eating food, that's embarrassing. If you're drinking, no, no, we're not. We're not doing I'm just saying if you're drinking, I've lost thirty pounds since I quit drinking, thirty yeah, I don't, but thirty pounds because I was drinking two to three thousand calories a day.

But it's also that when you're drunk, you just like eat dog shit.

And you probably weren't working out.

No, he's not.

Now, I was falling asleep at work, let alone working out. How do you keep your job? I'm really good at it? Okay, and I don't drink anymore, so they love me. Well, why don't you get good at this? Wow? All right, I said it.

How's the work? Has your work production increase or decreased?

Not drinking, I've increased dramatically. Yeah. How about we get to the bets this week? All right? Okay, Jay, once you give me your college football bets this week? All right? Fine, And you didn't call in the last two weeks, so you are you're true. No, I'm happy that you're not. I'm happy you're not. We did, Yes, I didn't know if you were, Okay, I assumed you were, but I didn't hear from you for two weeks. I'm not on the show, I know. But you know what, fuck the

So what?

Who cares about the Cowboys? We move on, We move them on. Okay, road Runners laying one and a half against the Denton Cowboy I got the Lobos. I had them plus twelve, but there Rebecca Lobos, Central Avenue ABQ plus ten and a half against Wazoo. Okay, this is the one bet I love, so I'm sure it'll lose it. LSU laying four at Gainesville. That's a tricky one. I know it's a tricky one. I don't think Floura is good at all.

Kansas last Week's any indications of that?

Yeah? This whole season, dude, Jayhawks plus two and a half against the Mormons. They got the Turps. It's five and a half now, I got them at three, Okay, turps laying five and a half against Rutgers Kansas State is eight was seven and a half when I hit it versus the herpegonosyphial aides. Yeah, I don't know, bad Larry, Okay.

I wont Utah getting the ten and a half or eleven.

I'm gonna give you eleven and a half, Larry.

And a half, thank you, Utah. I want Illinois minus to three against Michigan State. I want Notre Dame minus at twenty two and a half against Virginia. I want the over in that game at fifty and.

A half, okay.

I want JMU minus three against Old Dominion. I want Tennessee getting the nine and a half from Georgia. You get ten, I get ten. Okay. And I agree with Shay. I'm gonna add an LSU bet I like LSU minus sport.

Let's go a little bounce back, all right, Dylan, all right, let's see.

So my big dog of the week Utah money line against the Buffs also underrated. Bad beat Utah against BYU last week. Fucking bread, fucking penalty. I also and I had this spread, but I bet Utah straight up too, and that washing blow.

I thought Utah was gonna win.

Yeah, fuck yeah, the Battle of Utah.

Battle of civilization. You got those fundamentalists coming for your house. I'll tell you what, would you have? Multiple wives? Uh No, I can't handle it. One I got now gny, I'm in deep shit. That's the roommate's been out of town. So I've been solo with the three kids. They all got.

Sick, all of them, some virus infection or some bullshit, and they all vomited everywhere, all of them, and one of the eight year olds, the eight year old, the middle child, puked in her bed.

Right, So I'm with the other two kids are sick. Everything's going crazy. I ain't sleeping, and so I tell the eight year old, well, strip that bed down, throw it in the wash. Right. The next day they tell the roommate, Daddy made me strip my own bed and put it in the wash. Wow. The roommate is now recommending couples therapy again for me to again for me to work out whatever issues I have. I don't know, why don't you tell her that you'd like to go

I was like, go strip that ship and throw I do respect her just leaving it and going.

Yeah, I'm gonna go in here. I was like, where'd you throw up? And she was like in the bed. I was like, well you better strip that now. Did your wife come back from Los Angeles? She's back and she's leaving again. She's going to Canada. Why Taylor Swift Toronto tonight. Yeah. Wow, she's going to Taylor Swift concert. Wow, that's my fault.

Yeah, this is the game.

We talked about Travis Kelcey Buffalo. So I decided not to go because I don't want to. Well, maybe my ticket away. Maybe you should go why to be with your wife?

No thanks, you'd prefer.

That sounds add a Taylor Swift concert? Come on, man, oh my god, it sounds The only other thing that would be better than that is not going going to a del in Las Vegas. I would do that. I would go to adle in Vegas. Yeah, yeah, I love a Dell. Yeah, I love her. She can belt.

Aren't those tickets like more expensive than they.

Should they should be? Yeah, I mean she's a machine. Yeah, it's a residency. Okay, what else you got do?

So these next three are all two unit bets. Then I'm trying to make.

Up some ground. So you've got to go to therapy just because you said to the eight year old, she was like, I'll find a therapist on our insurance. Like for what?

Dang?

Because I told that fucking eight. Well, there's probably other things attached. Oh yeah, sure, I mean, but give me a break, dude. There's some hippie bullshit. This is some nice parenting, gentle parenting bullshit that I don't agree with. She seems pretty normal considering her who brought her up. She is, but that doesn't mean and then your upbringing normal.

Works like a charm.

Okay, all right, go do damn we are sidetracked here today. Continue. I got other things to do, say the sidetracks therapy.

Yeah, she's going to miss an appointment, all right, Dan.

I don't know how many Okay, dramatic, I've had.

One point three.

Okay, here we go.

I got two units on two lane minus seven against Navy to Lane is a force. They beat the shit out of Temple last week. That's free money. And speaking of Temple, I've got two units on FAU plus two and a half against Temple. And then I'm going two units on Tennessee plus ten against Georgia. My initial inclination was to take Georgia after that lost to Little Miss, but ten is a lot and they haven't proven anything to me.

Uh shay nfl. Yeah, seventeen seventy six plus four and a half Saints plus one against the Jamis Winstons. And then I got the fight in Hyahuasca's laying four against the Colts. Yeah, I know, I know, Kirk Cousins plus two and a half taking advantage of the sadness that is in Denver. And then I got my favorite team in the NFL outside of the Cowboys, the Fighting Harbass Lane one and a half against the Bengals. Yeah, anybody betting on the boxing? Oh yes, all right, we'll get

Larry, Well, he's there, but he says I'm there more than he is.

Oh that's okay, that's what it was. Okay, Yeah, he came up. He goes, hey, I'm Ray, and I go I'm damn. He goes no, No, I like I own Rays And I go, oh, well that's convenient. Your name's Ray. And then he goes, yeah, Larry goes to my bar. I go, oh, Ray, okay.

And Larry always orders milk and twn a sandwich.

Yeah, okay, so go ahead, Ler, okay, I have Well I added two things on Ray. Did you get my two anytime touchdown scores for the tonight's game?

Uh? Yeah.

I didn't put him in there because Barkley's like minus two ninety, so I assumed you were just gonna.

Have me take that out.

Good point, what's what's hurt?

I'll get that for you in two seconds.

Okay, don't worry about them right now. I'll go with my picks and we'll come back to that. I'm going against the Jets because they screwed me last week in my Lock of the Week with the Jets, and no, like I did with the argument, I'm just going to take my Colts getting four. I got the Jags getting fourteen from the Lions, and.

You get thirteen.

Thirteen.

Yeah, yeah, you get thirteen and you get mac Jones too.

I'll take the three.

That actually doesn't make as much of a difference as I think it once did.

Continue, I'll take the Ravens minus the three against the Steelers, Bills, the Bills minus two and a half against the Chiefs. Chiefs aren't going undefeated. I think here's your loss, and then I want I can't bet against Chase Cowboys anymore because he's too depressed. I can hear change your seats in the bed period eight year old daughter Pace. So I'm gonna bet the over in that game, just so I say, and I can be rooting on the same side over forty two.

And Jalen Hurts minus one fifteen to Scory. I'm assuming you want to keep.

That yeah on Jalen Hursts anytime touchdown score.

Okay, thank you guys.

Thanks, I'm I'm not hanging up. Thank you, guys.

Oh, thank you for one for no, just go ahead.

Thank you?

Oh okay, Dylan, thank you, No, thank you, Larry, No, thank you Dylan. All right, So I got two units the Pack minus five and a half against the Bears. This one's a tail as old as time, just beating the ship out of the Bears in Chicago. I've also

Then okay? Uh bad? Larry. Do you have a bet on the fight Jake Paul and Mike Tyson.

I don't bet six, guy, that's fight.

It's got to be fixed it is.

Yeah, for sure, I do not have a bet on it.

Okay, that's fine, all right, you can go if you want to Larry, because these.

Guys, I'm enjoying the car right, friends, get it around.

Yes, Ray, Larry one o'clock.

How old are you again, Larry?

How old am I?

Yeah?

Fifty seven?

So this is funny. Mike Tyson's fifty eight. Jake Paul is twenty seven. So that's me fighting Larry. That's what we're talking about here.

We should do that.

It's Claire.

You take Claire.

There's no way, Oh, strength that goes. Maybe one round, not a boxing match, an all out park a lot.

Yeah, his new team. No, that's fine, flesh, he's going to be favoring his the whole time, covering up.

The whole time.

Shots and Ray would pound him. I would knock Larry out in one round. No, yes, let's let's do it. Let's do yeah, one one liver shot and.

In the parking lot studio.

No, no, no, I mean no, dance too liable for that.

I don't know.

Across the street, Okay, can do one one set, Yeah, we can do that. If Larry dies over there, then I'm Larry, Larry, if we set up a ring in student funeral would be a party.

Would you box fighting?

Okay, Ray, I'm sixty seven, I was born in nineteen fifty seven, and I still got We'll play a game of caps and then we'll then we'll box fight.

You're sixty seven.

That's that's worse that I still take you.

Yeah, and that's a lot.

Like the lasts, like the.

Jet, Larry, You're never get up here, and I'll never.

Put on gloves.

I give Larry his left hand can have brass knuckles on it.

I'd let you wear no no glove on the right hand, and I would still beat you.

Larry.

I got faith in you right Well, you did you lock yourself in the gym since I met you?

Actually he didn't.

I know you didn't.

He did lock himself in his room this morning, in his bedroom.

That's true. That was bad. Okay, bat Larry. If you do, I'll set it up. I'll get gloves and we'll let you guys box. But Ray's Ray is gonna own you.

Okay you can think that.

Oh no, I'll bet it.

Then let's do it. Yeah, we'll I'll bet we'll make up a line I'll put up five grind.

Damn well, just fucked the whole book up.

That just movie, just got mood. That's all the action on the whole Fight.

Winter Winter, Winter Take On. Okay, okay, which fun.

Wait, I'll fight Larry for a thousand.

Yeah, but I might take Larry.

I might come up there and kick everyone. Now you guys are fishing me off.

Wow, easy there. Okay, are you betting on the box?

I am.

I'm betting on the boxing because it is fixed. I'm gonna take Jake Paul to be knocked down and then win plus six fifty because that's good for team. Do you think it's scripted that he gets knocked down Mike Tyson against Mike Tyson. Oh yeah, and then I got fight won't go the distance? Minus one ninety, Dylan.

I've got one. I've got a Tyson knockdown and Paul to win by decision. That's plus five point fifty. Wow, similar boat as checks. I mean, there's no way that it's not fix. It's the whole thing is fake.

Still, uh, you don't want any piece of that, right Larry.

These things are shut. These units are going to be separate from the football.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, and so is the high school football.

Is there anything like Tyson knocks him down in the first round, anything like that knockout the end the fight because I think Jake, I think it's fixed for Jake Paul for sure.

Now keep in mind, these are eight rounds, two minutes per.

Round, two minute rounds. I think I think Tyson comes out and floors him and then he gets up and it's a great comeback for Jake, just like you guys want Ray to be, Like, I'm just knock Ray out in that first round and he's probably I don't know.

Larry, when we played horse, you wouldn't even let me shoot a three pointer because you couldn't make the You couldn't shoot the basketball.

I can't I can't reach that for us.

True, and you're gonna knock me out. You can't throw a basketball.

He can reach your didn't throw a golf ball one hundred yards. I'm sure I don't want an actual program. No holds bar Larry to the throat of Ray. Yeah, Ray is going to own bad Larry, not without an eye ball. Larry gets in there like a fucking round, Hi.

Larry immediately goes for the nut cat.

Eye. We're just gonna box Jersey.

Larry's gonna walk into the ring and throw a full beer exactly.

That'd be the only way to knock him out.

Hit it with a cue ballot.

We've done everything that we can do. We went way too long. I don't know what we accomplished. Then we could keep going, you, Larry.

I want I want one unit on a knockdown in the first round.

By Mike Mike Tyson knockdown.

Mike Tyson knocks down.

Yeah, okay, all right, Well anybody have to oh Shay and Irving podcast wherever you get your podcasts that exists. Your wife will not be on that podcast anytime soon. Never. No, she's a hater.

She might not be back in the continental United States anytime soon.

Yeah, I don't think she comes back in two days. Who who's she going to meet up there? A whole group of people are going, No, the whole No, it's a bunch of like Fairfield County, like you know, okay, nothing like that, not your crowd. Nothing cool.

Yeah.

I was like, I'm good, thanks, fun. So you're gonna be taking care of the kid. Does she trust you taking care of the kids? If she thinks you need to go to their annie and ship too.

So would they stay with them if you went, would then nanny just be Yeah, exactly.

Why didn't the nanny fixed the puke in the bed. It was at night, nanny ate their night. Danny, Well, just wait till the morning.

He's going to leave it.

Your eight year old sleeping in your bed. She woke me up. I mean it was nasty. I was like, clean this ship up. I don't know why this is so. I don't know how it's controversial. I don't get it. I really don't get it. She's four. I mean the four year old puke too. I didn't have a four year old strip the fucking bed. I stripped the bed.

Her dad can't do math.

So if it's like forty eight plus seventy two and you can figure that out, the bed never. I never picked in the bed. That's rookie shit. Ever, I make myself to the toilet. You do, yeah, absolutely, Okay, it's easy.

In the toilet or around it, No, in the to.

Come on, dude, I'm gonna do this as I was thirteen, I can.

Okay, what about when you were thirteen in the toilet?

I'm a grown up. Okay, Bad Larry, Yeah, I did like three weeks ago. Bad Larry.

Uh.

Once again, well done with the reception. Congratulations and good luck to everybody, and we'll do it again next week. And Dan Patrick takes again