Episode 125: Rex Ryan Teeth

Gambling was something that I did. This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble. One of my bookies died at the kitchen table. A podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat and now join my bad Larry Shay and Irving and Dylan the graphics guy. I have friends. Here's Dan Patrick. Hello, Dan, Hey, Hey, hey, Larry, I.

Gotta I gotta pull off the road. Oh no, okay, no, no, I'm all by myself. Well, I just got out of the dentist chair. My lips are still numb.

Sure, uh oh.

Cat point doc worked on me for two hours.

Careful, why you describe your condition? Okay?

A root canal?

Larry? No, no getting teeth for the wedding, you know veneers?

Oh my god, what I'll send you a picture.

You're gonna look fucking weird with those like platinum white teeth.

Wait, are you gonna get Rex Ryan teeth? No?

I hope not.

Okay, I sent the guys.

A picture like six weeks ago the first time. This is the second time. They take them out and do some more work and uh, the permanence will be in Uh.

That the move is to kind of get him like slightly stained off white color. So they're at least kind of believable.

Yes, don't get the bright like South Palantonio, Rex Ryan Bright Bright.

Those are Rex Ryan White. Yes.

Yes, So if you go to your dentists, say can I get the Rex Ryan White veneers please?

I let him pick everything.

I don't.

I didn't make one decision.

Okay, all right, so pull over the side of the road.

I'm I'm in a bar out right now. We're good, all right.

Shae is in Dallas with the family.

Oh, it's a nightmare, Danny. Why Danny, I'm one of four, right, my siblings and I. We have thirteen kids between us, all ages twelve and under. Okay, imagine that doing that's.

Sober under one roof at the moment.

Under one roof. Yeah. Well, one of my brothers lives in Dallas, so he's got four We have nine kids and like five adults under one roof.

Well plus the shit though your youngest daughter counts as two and a half kids.

Oh, she's the meanest kid of the bunch. She's the meanest. She's yelling at everybody. She hits somebody to face the other day, Danny, it's bad. She hates my brothers. She screams at him. I don't like you. I want to go home. It's crazy. But they're all at some like kindergarten. What do you call it, like a jump house, like where they jump on.

Stuff, like the trampoline park thing.

Yeah. Yeah, I was like, no, fuck, no, I ain't doing that.

Are you sneaking drugs or alcohol?

No, Danny, No, My mama is like a she knows what I'm like when I'm altered, like badly. Okay, she knows very well.

Larry just sent me a picture of his teeth. Uh, thank you, thank you, Larry.

You know I didn't send that, so one of the boys did.

Well, you sent it to somebody and it was just sent to me.

I think right that. That was like six weeks ago, though. So they took those they took those out. They took those out, and we did some work underneath on the gums and then put those those back in. So that's that's what they look like today, except I can't smile because my upper lip is all still numbed up. Yeah, it's just an oral.

Okay. So, in case you haven't noticed, we've already started the show this week, Dan Patrick a gamble, uh bad. Larry lost six units. Last week he still had plus twenty three. Shay lost five now minus one and a half. Dylan was the big winner. He had sixteen units last week, man minus six and a half. Now did you Ray? Did you put in the over under on Donald Trump's speech?

So the over under on his speech I put in, but not like the phrases and.

Saying oh okay, thanks, okay. But Shay lost big on the under. Dylan won big on the over.

Larry lost the under.

Yeah wait, Shay, you went under, didn't you.

Oh hell no, I didn't touch the time. I didn't touch it totally, but I did get one of the phrases.

Oh okay, okay, Dylan had the over correct.

That was.

Yeah, that seems like too obvious at the time.

See, I thought he might go under, because you know, if he doesn't really have to be fire and brimstone throwing out crazy stuff.

But even then I.

Have gone under. He got under that. Yeah it got weird.

Yeah that was That was one of the worst speeches you'll ever hear.

I don't think. I think it's hard to have a good speech that's an hour and a half long.

If you're in yes, yes.

Bill Clinton did it. Bill Clinton did it all the time. Y'all are crazy.

Well, how long was was Lincoln's four score?

So like.

Larry, how long was it?

It was like, was it like five minutes?

Yeah, it's like a paragraph.

Yeah, it wasn't like this lengthy you know speech screed.

Well, back then people died when they were like seventeen. Yes, they got to speed it up a little bit.

Uh, let me see. Oh, we had this on the show today, which NFL coach will be fired? First? It was Robert Salah number one, Mike McCarthy two, Dennis Allen, Matt eber Flus matching odds plus seven hundred, Nick Sirianni plus eight hundred, Brian Dable plus nine hundred. Anybody want a piece of that future?

We're clear what I hit finished the wall on the on the Trump speach. I want that to be on the record. I hit finished the wall.

All right, But he didn't say any of the other ones.

Did he get No, not the other ones, but he said, finish the wall. I hit that. I hit two units on.

That Okay, does anybody want a piece of which NFL coach will be fired first?

Can I have Dennis Allen?

You're not on the Gambling podcast. You produce the gambling podcast. I got enough shitty game. I'll take Dennis out. I mean, you don't have to take anybody. I just said, does anybody want a piece of the book the bet for Ray? Actually though, Nick Sirianni plus eight hundred is uh?

I want Raheem Morris. I want Raheem Morris.

Oh, I don't know what the odds are Ray? Why don't you figure that out? By the way, UCLA head coach Deshaun Foster had an awkward introduction Big ten media day and he did not do well. Sammy p Our, good friend of the show, immediately hammered Hawaii plus thirteen and a half. It's UCLA Week one. That's great. So Sammy Pea's like, after he saw Deshaun Foster, the UCLA head coach, with his introductory and introductory introductory press conference, he's taken Hawaii plus thirteen and a half.

Well, okay, that's a sharp move right there, I guess. Or he's just like he's so dialed in on the football aspect of things that he didn't have time for the introductory.

And I got to get this picture of Larry off my screen that it's not good.

We can make it your background, Danna.

So Larry three units under seventy two minutes for Donald Trump lost that one? You lost every did you lose? Every bet lost?

I lost lost my three baseball and I lost the golf to that day.

Yeah.

Uh. And then I bet then I then I bet the Yankees last night saying there's no way they're going to sweep my mets of war and lost that too.

Uh. Shay lost a lot of things. You did win one baseball bet presidential odds. You got two units on one once Great Nation plus one seventy five. Uh finished the wall. Yeah, un American, you missed. I'm dial Dan, Danny, Yeah you are. Let me see Dylan. Dylan did pretty well. What was the big big winner there for you? Take a wild guest Dan the speech? No Sun Jay him top ten? No, No, it's Sun jam That was plus eighteen top ten.

No, but he is Sun Jim.

Oh he is him?

Yes?

Oh okay, my bad, he is him?

Yeah, plus eighteen hundred finished top ten.

Maybe you could do commercials for the hymns like that rectile dysfunction.

You probably have to do them.

Yeah, but the hymns. Okay. That brings us to this week with bad Larry with a numb upper Live and New Choppers.

I know, I know, I took a Garrett Cole I kept trying to think of. I sent four of that's in all, two units Garrett Cole against my Mets. So I got Atlanta. You might have to help me, Dan. Do you have the Yeah, I'm in the car and I don't have them. I took Schreser, I took Clayton Kershaw. Yeah, I got I got, I got the Dodgers. I think I got the Orioles. Yeah, I know, I have Atlanta.

You got Chris Sale, Yeah, Chris Chris Sale. And then you got the Angels against the A's.

Did I was last one?

Right?

So those four games I'm stuttering where I'm freaking why because I'm all numbed up still?

Well, I know, but that'll wear off. It's the other stupid things you say that won't.

You actually sound more eloquent than usual, Larry.

Thanks Dylan, did you did you really get your teeth done for your daughter's wedding.

Yeah, she may have. I bet.

She'd asked me through she told me to what.

Larry, what did the what did the new teeth run you? On top of the wedding?

I don't even want to I don't even want to go there.

How much did the wedding cost in you?

I don't I don't have the final numbers. And actually Bridge and Peter they're picking the pretty good. But it's going to cost us und grand Dan if you respond, I mean, if one out yet, but you'll you'll see you can. You can take a gas sat at when y'ar there.

Okay, what about us, Larry?

Yeah, you tol me.

You told me you were crashing it.

Oh yeah, okay, cool.

We're already at the limit that the place will take. We're hoping some of the the Irish side of the family don't make the trip. Sorry, Peter.

That is actually plausible too.

Yeah, they might find something better to do.

Thanks for America.

So, uh, Dylan, you took the over on the A's win.

Total fifty seven and a half. Yeah, so right.

Now they have forty one wins and they have fifty eight games to go.

I don't want to count my chickens. Yet, but that does look mathematically.

Okay, all right, uh shay, you don't have much to offer this week with some baseball.

Just American's pastime. Danny heaven forbid. Okay, it's commye. We should rename this podcast commyist man Festio in action.

What are you talking?

What do you talk to?

The American sentiment all over ver resilent? Practically a communist there, Dan, your communist adjacent?

All I know is Donald Trump Junior's fiance talked about battling communism in World War Two? Uh, in Germany or friends?

It was some sort of is I think?

Yeah, there's only the best of the best.

At least Hulk Coke had made the parents. That was awesome.

No, it wasn't.

That was amazing through you brother.

It's funny when like half the people that get on stage at the RNC have like been in SmackDown before.

My Kid Rock made the parents come on.

The hitters.

I love you.

I love when Milania looked at Kid Rock like, are you serious?

Yeah? Okay, how much you have to pay her to show up to that?

By the way, Oh, I think that's in the post nup. They had a pre nup that became a post nup. Oh my god, that could be the ormy she got paid. That's going to be one of the best business deals that you know, you talk about art of the deal that you know Trump's book this is.

They call that Foresight and Investing.

Yes, yeah, I want to read her book. That's what I want to read.

It's in Russian, but there it hasn't been adapted into multiple languages.

A long ransom note. Yeah, all right, shay. Uh so you got baseball?

Yeah I got uh actually, I got the Bay Area Comedies plus uh Tampa Bay minus one ten and then the Angels. I think it's plus one hundred down.

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

I can go bango bono. I think Peter Griffin's son screwed me last week, by the way, he didn't show up at all. His Maxilie balls an't doing shit for him.

So, uh, Dylan, you got Olympic bench.

Yeah, I got just all Olympics. Oh okay, I'm actually pretty hype for this.

Well that's being a true American.

Yeah. Well, we'll see who I'm betting on.

He's betting for China's.

Danny. No, he's not. Oh you are. Venezuela look, Dan, I'm here to make some money, all right.

So you have China winning table tennis gold.

Yeah, so I wanted to propose this to the room. There minus one thousand and fifty to win golden table tennis. I would like to wager ten units on that to win one.

No, not allowed, not allowed. We're not changing the rules for your commie love.

Yeah, but what happened in World War Two? You don't want to maybe?

Wow? Wow, I'm just I'm going to protest this podcast.

Why that's that's what Kimberly Guilfoyle said. There was there was.

You know, she's got bad judgments. She went from Gavin Newsom to Donald Trump Junior. I don't trust her brain for nothing.

Real murderers row there.

Okay, seriously you imagine, oh.

Wait, what's the uh part of them?

Gabin Newsom is as slick as a fucking old Derek, and Donald Trump Junior is just as bad. If she's attracted that kind of man, imagine what kind of cob webs are going on in her fucking brain.

Yeah among other places too, Waite, what are you doing what?

I don't think there's cobwebs?

Yeah, I think it worked out.

Okay, uh So China to win table tennis gold ten units.

Yeah, I've got everyone's favorite then Nicholas, I guess gift Ston from France to win the C one Canoeing Slalom plus three hundred. I'm actually I'm gonna rip some canoeing this weekend. Okay, Spain to win Golden Handball plus eight hundred. Handball is always one of my favorite to watch.

France's favorite.

Yeah, France's favorite. Shane Lowry to win Gold for the golf plus three thousand. Okay, it actually was interesting. I was looking. I was comparing DraftKings and FanDuel. He was plus sixteen hundred on FanDuel and plus three thousand on DraftKings, which is a massive spread.

Yes, it is.

I got three units on Shikari Richardson to win one hundred meters in gold minus one eighty. So I got a little. I got a little non commedy love for you, Shay.

I love her.

Yeah, she's awesome. I got all right back to comedy. I got Serbia plus twelve and a half against Team USA and Basketball Cocoa Golf to win Golden Tennis plus six fifty. And then she U k from China to win badminton men's gold plus two hundred. That's a fucking lock. Well, I guess all right, Can I propose something?

Then?

If I if I'm not allowed to wager the ten units on China to win table tennis, will someone take the opposite side of that one? They're one unit to my ten? What the odds it's minus like a thousand.

I'll take it.

So if they win, I get a unit from yushe and if they lose, you get ten for me.

Yeah? Sold, sold. If I bet against communism, I'll do it.

Over under medals the United States forty and a half. Then it's China thirty four and a half. It's the over under for golds, right, that's for a gold medal count.

That seems like a lot.

The Republic of Ireland over under two and a half gold medals.

Damn, I know it's gold. Brain drained Danny.

Well Shane Lowry's going to win one of them.

That could good. Then they just need to get two more.

Actually yeah yeah, damn what are the other? What other two would they possibly come from? In the summer Olympics?

Drinking?

Drinking? Yeah, that's one, so they need one more fighting I guess the boxing. Maybe a boxer in there.

Yeah, maybe there's like a featherweight.

That actually would be like, that's like the Gordie how hat trick for Irish people. Golf, Uh, drinking, drinking and fighting there have you.

Guys.

I didn't follow this, but Picture de Ray, who produces this god forsaken podcast, had a list of Nick Castellano's home runs and that they happened during significant events. Trump got shot, So you hit a home run in the minors when Osama bin Laden was killed. H Yet Tom Brenneman apologized for the homophobic slur during a broadcast.

That's the famous one.

Yes, Yeah, a career threatening injury for Tatis. There was a eulogy for World War Two veterans, a nine to eleven tribute video package, apology of opposing team's coach getting a dui ten minutes after Will Smith hit Chris Rock Dwayne Haskins dying, Memorial Day tribute Yulaji for a just Deceased PA announcer for the stadium cancer announcement for his team's owner, Ben Scully dies an hour after the death

He's the fucking grim review.

I know, I know you just you'll hold on for dear life if you hear that he hit a home run and it's like, oh no.

I mean the fact guide, the fact that he hit two on the anniversary of Hiroshima.

I know, well, one for Hiroshima and Oneaki.

He's a man of his word.

He is, He's a he's a true American dropping Bob, he is a patriot. Uh. That's it. That's all we have. We look forward to seeing the finished product with Larry's wonderful smile and Shay's surviving in Dallas with all of his relatives what could possibly go wrong? And uh, Shane Irving podcast, it's taking the week off again.

No, we got a record today, Danny. We got we got Kamala Harris sitting at thirty three percent and you can get a fat middle between her and the man.

It's it's Camala. We got a lot of presidential It's kamala. What I say, kamala.

Kamala sounds better.

It's like kowala sami la.

Exactly exactly. Get ready, get ready to bat in the hatchet, folks, Shane's going underground at that win.

You will you will win your plus four fifty bet.

Twenty five. I'd like to also bet on democracy ending.

Get me out there, We'll reach out and get some Yeah, I'll see if I could get some odds on democracy coming to an end? Shane Irving wherever you get your podcast available later on today, Slash tonight and uh, Dylan, do you have anything to promote?

No, not at the moment. I'm actually I'm doing stand up tonight, Dan in New York and New York okay, the comic strip, the comic strip, Yeah, okay for first place. Well, get your ass back here. You're gonna wake up in like il Pass tomorrow or something and be like I fucked up.

Uh? So you're at the comic strip tonight? Yeah, in Manhattan? Yeah, eight o'clock at eight o'clock? Are you first up? I don't know actually, okay, probably probably somewhere in the middle where I belong. Well, you do look funny.

Yeah, that's that's all by design.

I mean, yeah, there's certain people that when you see that, you start to laugh immediately.

Well, my dad's been calling me beetlejuice because of my hair recently.

Are you going to keep that hair?

No, I'm gonna cut it off soon. But it's no I mean, are you going to lose it? Oh no, it's already on its way out.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Yeah, No, it's both My grandparents were like bald when they were like ten years old.

So you're you're I'm genetically so your grandmother and your grandfather were both bald.

My mom's dad looked like exactly like Larry David from basically Infancy.

Okay, you don't say okay.

What's that supposed to mean? Shay?

Oh nothing. You do look like an out of work palace any protests?

Is there an in work one? I think I saw you on Columbia's campus.

Yeah, I was just passing through. I was actually lost.

So that's all we have for you today, believe it or not. And uh, maybe we'll do it next week. But thanks for joining us. For Jayan Irving, who is literally in Irving or in the Vicinity, Bad Larry with his new teeth picture Day Ray, the producer, Dylan, and of course Marvin who has to listen to all of this. We'll talk to you next week. On Dan Patrick Takes a Gamble.