Episode 120: Off The Coke

Gambling was something that I did. This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble. One of my bookies died at the kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward. It's easy to have a scapegoat. And now join my bad Larry Shayan Irving and Dylan the graphics guy. I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick.

Bad Larry's with us Hi Larr.

Hello Dan, Hello guys, where are you just walking? Just walking? It from Costco? Oh letting him be hungbloaded the car.

Like a true gentleman.

What did you stock up?

Hold? I said, just leave everything in there and I'll get it. I want to get off the show.

No begi okaya.

Yes, Costco doesn't give you like shopping bags, which the roommate went to Costco the other day.

Now it all comes in like a crate.

It's just like fucking boxes because.

It'll be like it'll be like six jars of like sixty four ins and man is like uh saran wrapped together.

And so you buy in bulk.

Yeah, because nothing fits in a bat You need like contractor bags.

Yeah, it's weird.

The roommate just was like, I had to unload the cars, Like, what are you fucking talking about? She explained, yes, right.

Over under four and a half crates of diet cokes and Larry's trunk right now.

No, no, guys, I'm off the coke.

WHOA speak for yourself?

A nerd say?

And I are both off the hold on?

Wait, so Larry are you a Are you a diet guy?

Now?

No, No, strictly water at lunch, water.

And a lot of beer that night. A lot of beer at night.

Beard doesn't change. No, I gave it the coke, but it doesn't change.

Hey. When I walked in, you were talking about your wife is going to Toronto. The roommate. Yeah, we're all going to Toronto in November. Wait, who's everybody? The tennis moms? What? Yeah?

Oh yeah, all their husbands. The roommate me, there's a Taylor Swift concert. Oh so they're all going, and I'm just I'm going to Toronto and then the.

Bills play the Chiefs. Do they Buffalo? Do they? Yes? I was looking.

I was trying to figure out if there was like a CFL. I don't know, I don't know the schedule.

No.

I brought this up on the air with the schedule maker. I said, the Chiefs play the bills, and I said, check and see if Taylor Swift is performing in Canada. And I found out that she was performing in Toronto. So I was wondering if they made Chiefs bills for that weekend because Taylor Swift was there, Maybe Taylor Swift can come on over. Maybe I can hit your ride with with de s Swizzle.

She'll take her private, shall take her private? Playing on that five minutes?

Yeah, well she hates the environment.

Yeah, she's like fuck the environment, all this all yeah, that all that you know, fuel that she's burning up in there and we're drinking out of plastic straws.

That is a suck.

But that is ridiculous. People get mad about that.

I'm like, dude, do you think she can just go fucking hop on like a United flight anywhere?

Like or a dry I mean, I think part of it is like, hold on, you went thirty minutes in.

Your okay there?

Yeah, Like, what's what's with the f bombs today? What's going on?

I'm upset, I'm doing bad at gambling. Danny and the sobriety is really just getting to me. It's tough right now.

When I go to Shay's house for dinner and so his wife and I are having wine, I'm having a couple of beers and I said, so how do you how do you get by? Like what's your what's your buzz? And uh, you didn't, you didn't have anything. Sometimes I hold my breath really.

Maybe paint fumes maybe, yeah, computer dust that got.

Me in trouble to the end. Dust they got me in a lot of dub Wait. This spray thing yeah yeah, the keyboard cleaner. Yeah.

You just hit it, just breathing as deep as you can, and you'll just see another dimension. But it's only for like thirty seconds, so then you can wake up.

It's like a whip it.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. And you can buy them in bulk at like Costo, No and all facts. They sell six packs of them at office.

It's like made for me.

You can get whippets in bulk too on Amazon.

Yeah, okay, let me recap here shade the one one and a half. So your mind is fifteen and a half, Dylan, your same place you were last year, last week, nineteen and a half. Bat Larry is down just a half. You're at plus ten and a half units. Is that square it up with everybody? Yeah, nobody's good.

That's fine.

Okay, did you guys watch Paul's schemes last night against Shohey, fucking nasty go. It's so much fun. What about you? You're usually only watching the Yankees, aren't you?

Lair no mess, I'm a Mess fan.

Damn.

Oh, that's right. I remember that.

I suffer.

I suffered too. When we're up eighty five the other night, we have to win the game eight seven in the game of basis, Larry, We've blown so many We've blown so many games.

That's right.

At bullpenn Is, I haven't watched a Mets game in weeks. It's like, I don't I can't watch it.

I do. I watched it.

I watched I don't have I got Hulu and they don't have the Yes network, so I don't watch any Yankees games. So the Mets are on more than anything. And I said, why, I can't do it. It's awful.

I physically cannot do it.

And I mean as a like Mets fan, it is real. It's just like business as usual. So I'm like all right, I'll fucking take a little break from this.

All schemes, those dealing. He was plus twelve hundred to win the Rookie of the Year when he got called up. He's now plus two hundred. Ray Wow. Producer Ray has fifty dollars on on that at twelve hundred plus twelve hundred. NA, look at Ray Ray.

The g Ray got called up plus twelve hundred. May eighth, at five fifty five PM. I placed that back for you.

Got to say happy Pride to Ray. Everybody, Happy Pride.

It's awesome Men's Health Month.

Did you see where Jose can say Coach said Happy Pride Month to Alex Rodriguez.

Yeah.

I said that to my butcher the other day in front of everybody. I was like, oh, happy pride, Jose. He was like, mother, anything to recap here, bad Larry, anything you want to complain about, nothing to complain about.

I think I'm gonna blow all of my.

What does he say? What are the names I'm gonna blow?

I'm gonna blow the.

Okay, alright, ten big units are okay, Randy Johnson, that's a lot of work. That's the big unit. Okay, all right, come on, get your head out of the gutter, bad Larry. You want to give me your bets this week?

Okay, this afternoon or tonight? I have the Yankees, okay, and the over on the Yankees. I don't know. Do you give me over and over in the game or over just Yankees?

It's eight and a half total runs?

Okay, so it's the game, Okay, I didn't I didn't identify, So I also want over just the Yankees themselves.

Ray can get that. By the way, the Yankees team era without Garrett Cole two point seven girls as fucking as Yeah it was great again, but uh, you know what you win with pitching, by the way, you get to the postseason with hitting, You win with pitching. Anything else there were You're gonna bet on the NBA Finals, Yes, I am.

I let me try and think of what I did. I did the money line Celtics tonight. Well that was one unit. I have a five unit bet on the Celtics to win this series.

WHOA Okay?

And then I believe this morning I don't have him in front of me, Dan, I think this morning I took over.

Holiday right, Drew Drew Holiday twelve and.

Twelve, and I was gonna go over al Horford also, but I don't know if I sent that in you did not, because I don't know what I don't know what Porzngus is doing tonight, so he'll he'll take some al time.

I don't want that Porzingis ends up with sixteen. Yeah, you're calling it.

On the right, all right, Yeah, Ray write that down.

Uh, Luca over forty nine and a half points, rebounds and assists. You're taking the over.

That's yeah, over that, Okay, That's all I had, Drew Holliday Luca the Celtics money line the Celtics series. Is that all the best I put in this morning?

I think so, Uh Luca in the postseason averaging twenty nine to nine and ten. So if I had that up, that's forty eight points, rebounds and assists. So it's that's I've been twice.

And he was in the fifties both times. His number was forty nine and a half in the last series. I think it's gonna be more important this.

Series, way better, and it's the best.

Player props on the Celtics because you don't know which guy's dropping twenty five, they're gonna be well Hatum might do it a lot of nights, but they're gonna be Jayalen Browns are gonna be Derrek White, Derrick White or Holiday.

They got a balanced attack there, Shay, you're up next.

I got America's pastime Danny h the Bucos plus one fifty eight juicy line against the Los.

Doyers areba ariba.

I got the Padres laying one twenty five against the d Backs, My Cardinals under seven and a half. We got Gray on the bump, Cubbies plus one oh five Twinkies plus one fifteen against raise Yankees. Okay, and then what else did I fucking have?

Baseball? That was?

Oh college base you got yeah, Wolfpack baby wool at back plus one twenty.

That's your team.

No, there's I like the number eighteen, okay, I like the price. And I got the Ears plus one seventy five against North Carolina. Okay, basketball, because I am now a Mavericks want basketball fan. Two units on Luca, Kyrie, and Jalen Brown all to score at least twenty. And then I got Luca and Jalen Brown to score twenty five at least.

Okay, I don't have Jalen Brown getting twenty five, I do. I got him getting twenty three. You do write that down right?

So Porzinga sixteen, jayn Brown twenty three if you hit the nas.

Cover in Luca like, I don't know what I don't I mean, I mean he's gonna get his Yeah, I think he's gonna I think he's gonna fucking go off.

That's what I'm thinking. He's gonna be thirty five, ten and ten when it's all said and done, Dylan.

All right, Dan Nba, I got the mass plus six and a half against the Celtics in Game one.

By the way, are we going to take a break at any point during the gambling, maybe like in late June and July, late late June, early July, and then come back with a roar in August or something? Are we still entertaining a nation? Here's what I want to REQUI.

We do have the US Open coming up for golf, So.

Next weekend you're talking about after the finals.

Only about only fans for July only fans.

Yeah, yeah, you do that easily. Fair enough.

Politics.

Politics, Yes, let's get fired from our days.

Spend a month breaking down the Israel Palestine conflict.

Biden's trial, Yeah, by the way. That's so, I mean, come on that stuff. Leave the junkie Republicans love guns. Let me have a gun?

Like who among us? Who among us has not lied on a federal form about doing drugs?

Like what?

Assholes? Like who tells you what, officer? I forgot about the crack habit? Can I please have the gun now?

Like that? Who the's gotta tell the truth there?

It's like getting like charged with perjury when you have a murder trial.

Then like I don't give a fuck. What am I going to tell the truth and saying anything with Trump?

Though, like who's putting down the expense? Oh yeah I paid the whore? Like of course he's gonna lie about that. Yeah. Yeah, she was an escort. She was a working girl. He was working hard for that. Not everybody's a star who's in porn?

No, No, I would say adult film actress.

That's the thing is you go to LA and you see like all these girls at Starbucks doing nothing and not working, but they're like pretty. Those are all like you watch dreams die and you go to Starbucks to look at the dead dreams. You thought you're gonna be an actor. Now you're just a loser.

Wow. You go to the valley, Yeah, that's where you see horn Star Dreams Dead. Wow.

If you go to the valley of Starbucks there, I mean there's fake tits coming out of her fucking sleeves, there's big old nose rings, there's fake asses, and like you thought you were gonna make it being a porn star and you failed that. Imagine yeah, imagine failing to be like you're not good enough to get.

Late the final frontier.

Oh, brutal, brutal, but more embarrassing. Well, I guess you're saying more embarrassing to be a failed porn star than it is an actor.

Well, totally. I mean they're both act they're acting. Yeah, they're all acts or strippers. I firmly believe that.

You don't think I ever really look in our eyes and say they could see your soul. I do.

I dated a lot of strippers. They loved me, like I actually loved me, but I had never put them on a different pedestal than like, you know, an actual actress who got an award or some shit, like it was the same thing. It's the same thing. Like your name ain't Candy. You don't want to be a dental hygienist. You're just out here tricking, just like Julianne Moore isn't really married to Steve Carrell or you know her daughter ain't the fucking easy a right now?

What?

Okay?

The Ryan Gosling, Steve Carrell.

Oh, crazy stupid love. That's a really good movie.

It's a great movie.

Fucking wait, Shade, did you ever tell a stripper you don't have to do this anymore?

I can get you out of here.

No. I just didn't even buy dances. That was my game.

I didn't buy dances dancing, Like, no, I don't want to dance. And they would sit down and be like, why not, what's wrong with me? And then you just tell them what's wrong with them and go home with them. They hate their dads, Danny, that's why they're there. They just want a father figure in their life to tell them, good job, that's it, Happy Father's Day coming up.

Actually, weirdly, I think true, it's fucking true.

They're all upset about their dads and they don't want you to leave. Blah blah blah.

Let's just say he probably wasn't visiting them earlier that morning.

Oh yeah, he's not in their life. Let me let me get to the rest of these bets here.

All right.

So I got MAVs plus six and a half against the Celtics tonight MAV's doing the finals plus one sixty five, ok and Kyrie to win finals MVP plus twenty two hundred.

Oh I like that?

How I mean, how poetic would that be?

They lost it one hunds? Wow?

Yeah, okay, you gotta sprinkle on alrighty NHL day. In game one, I got Panthers money line against the Oilers minus one thirty five.

But I am taking the Oilers to win this series.

But David's gonna get the Monkey office back and plus one fifteen okay. And then the Memorial Tournament Shane Lowry to win plus fifty five hundred. And then Ray did me the favor of throwing these bullshit statistics in underneath.

Well, he's doing his John, thank you. That's part of his job to give you some information there so you might have an educated bet for a change.

He's a major champion.

Yes he is anything else?

Oh yeah, Dan, Formula one Montreal.

Oh haven't we been to the Montreal Grand Prix? Yeah? Last year? Yeah, of course, I thought I heard about that at the Christmas party.

Yeah, from the arm correspondent.

Yeah, from your friend, Yeah, telling me about going to Montreal and I should do more Grand Prix racing on my show, Advertisers, I love that show. Yeah, I really appreciate that the insight for us to maybe do some Grand Prix.

Yeah, I think it's a first stop.

And could you know, drive through here and I would be like, well no, I'd have Max or Lewis Hamil.

Wasn't there discussion of doing something Formula one related for the Dan Patrick Show at some point?

I have no idea.

You'd have to ask him him AnyWho. I got Charles Leclair to win plus five hundred.

Okay, you know they're catching up to verse stopping. Something's happening. Yeah. Yeah, now all of a sudden, get a little nervous there.

It's not all him anymore.

Yeah.

This is different than Formula One or Grand Prix. It's the same ship.

Yeah, it's the same.

It's just two different names for the same ship. Yes, right, fancy it's the.

Race well for stopping still minus two fifty to win, Okay, it's the same.

It's the same ship every week. It's pretty much. Yes, he gets up out, and then they start talking about who's who could finish second verse stopping? Yes?

Is it ver stopping plus the versus the field?

Yes? Okay, yeah, we've gotten to that point. It's like Tiger against the field. What kind of car does you drive? Fast? One? Is he? Is he like Ferrari? Yeah? Mercedes, Tesla, Honda.

Non Stoppin's red Bull, but they have a Honda. The car is a Honda.

Yeah, it's an Yeah you left, Yeah, Civic s I.

Duct tape spoiler.

Can you sponsor me? I'm gonna take my Nissan center down there in Irving?

Is the podcast wherever you get your podcast? Having been a part of that, what was the reaction to my appearance? I didn't, I didn't. There were a lot.

Of comments, okay about the roommate and about how you Wow, Dan's a normal person, You're crazy? Wow, Dan seems great? What the fuck is wrong with you? A lot of that on why I don't know, Danny? That just I get a lot of ship on Twitter that's kind of like, but.

You don't mind it. No, I don't care. I don't give a shit. It doesn't hurt. No, I don't care. There's nothing they could say that would hurt you. No, no, don't give a ship.

Okay, it's Twitter, like, come on on Twitter.

Yes, what if they said something about your kids? Yeah, that would be messed up, But I also wouldn't care. What about your wife? No, I wouldn't care, you know. Okay?

No, I got a three year old's uh end a year party going on right now, old fife. Yeah, fe's end a year party is going on right now. Okay, how long does it go for?

Don't know.

Sailed right past it. The roommate woke me up this morning and say there's an.

End of year party. I don't fucking care. I got damn adwick. I can't I get back it. Maybe No, she woke me up.

She wakes me up in the morning because I don't do anything, and she wakes me up and tells me to go to work while she gets a kid out the door, all the.

Kids, and then she goes to play tennis and then drink wine. Yeah exactly. Yeah.

She wakes up and she's like, must be nice to sleep in, and she's literally in tennis. White's like, get the fuck out of here here. You're doing shit today.

Have you seen her tennis pro? Yeah? I Ah, this son of a bitch is good looking. Yes, they always are.

He's Welsh and he's like twenty three. This guy I fucking bird dog. And when I see him at I'm like listening here, motherfucker, I will beat his ass. That's not up for debate, Shay and Irving, wherever you get your podcast, I'm gonna have to come on again.

Swing through, Danny. See what's up for dinner. Yeah, we'll do barbecue. See what the roommate's wearing. Yeah, tennis, white dude. The trip in Toronto is going to be a ship show. Oh, I can't believe you're going with the tennis mom. The cases of Shardon egg everywhere.

Yeah, they're gonna want to eat like sushi and air, just like no calorie, drink all their calories.

A diet like it's just cocaine. I don't eat. I have a relatives who's a model, and she said that there are models who will get cotton balls and dip them in orange juice and they'll eat that instead of eating.

Food, like suck on it like cotton ball.

Yeah, yeah, Jesus, this is why why wouldn't you just do meth?

There's a lot of but I knew this.

Trip in Minneapolis. Let's hypothetically, let's say and she didn't want to eat, and she was like, Shay, can you get me a supplement that doesn't want me to make me eat? I say, yeah, no problem. So I would just get the clear cut glass the meth, mix it with some fake powder that you would get, like like a vitamin D, vitamin B, anything like that, and mix it in the clear gel caps and then you shove them down her throat and guess what, she ain't eating,

Yeah, and that hypothetical scenario.

It was awesome. I was like a fucking pharmacist hypothetically. So you're wife she hears this, Does she know all of this? No, she didn't know that story, but she does now she does. Wow. Hopefully she won't listen.

But she's a hypothetical story.

Yeah yeah, but I mean it was great. But why wouldn't you do that instead of eating cotton balls? That's weird, That cotton balls is weird. Drugs makes sense.

I'd rather do meth for sure.

Yeah is great? O, Shay, how many people are going on this trip to Toronto?

Like ten and every hotel room has what a cup chair?

The fuck?

So lucky?

This is this is Larry's trip, dude, this.

Is damn yeah, damn yeah. I need I need to line on shake. Going to the Taylor Swift concert, I ain't going. He's four days in, he's four days in Toronto with like and his mom.

Wait, you're not going to the show. I'm not going to the show. Why three hours.

I ain't going to a Taylor Swiss show for three I can't going anything for three hours. It's longer an Oppenheimer. Give me a fucking break. Relaxed, lady, we get it. You're saying I couldn't sit through Oppenheimer. I couldn't sit through Bruce. I left the River tour in Milwaukee. I was like, this is bullshit. I know these songs. I'm out of here, but you know the songs. That's why you went to hear the songs. The amount of drugs that was on, there was no chance I was sitting through.

You couldn't rock out for four and a half hours.

I was out of my mind. That was out of my mind. It was a long drive up from Chicago.

We got to work, but that's a long time ago.

Yeah, yes, Wait from Chicago to Milwaukee. Yeah, it's like an hour and a half, and it felt longer.

Why didn't you take the train, felt like we took a plane.

Let me tell you were shy and irving wherever you get your podcast. My thanks to Marvin who's running the equipment, the producer, Ray Dylan, the graphics guy, shy and irving, bad Larry and Jersey and yours truly, good luck to our contestants, and we'll talk to you next week. I'm Cam Patrick. It takes you again. M