Episode 118: Phone Keys Luger

Gambling was something that I did.

This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

One of my bookies died at the kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling.

One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat and now join my bad Larry, Shyan Irving and Dylan the graphics got I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick.

So this tree fell on your garage. That's from the fucking roommate. Yeah, I guess just now, just now, it's just the fucking text me with nothing but bad news, never like, hey, how's your god? Damn it?

Hey, Hey Lara, Hey Dan, how are you? Man?

Well, I'm good.

Hard to hear about that.

Yeah, I didn't realize that there's uh down trees and Shae has a tree on his garage.

Fucking Wood's a Connecticut man, son of a bitch. The smoker's right there too. I swear to christ Off it hit the trigger prior. I gotta ask her how's the trigger? Yeah, go ahead, I don't want to text her. I'm turning this shit on silent. Okay, I want to talk.

You can park your cars outside. You don't need the garage. The smoker.

Smoker is important.

Yeah, but is this gonna help you take your mind off of that?

Yeah? This will be a distraction, a welcome distraction. Okay, all right, so bad.

Larry joins us and there's Dylan the graphics gy Shyan Irving Marvin is here. And you got Ray the intern Picture Day Ray Squad or Pa Ray. I think you're a PA. Now he's not an intern anymore. I think you've gotten I think you've gotten elevated.

Two and a half years moving up. Get an insurance now or what I'm turning twenty six?

Who get those teeth?

Your parents? Yeah? By momy.

Rehabs on me.

Now let me recap here. Shay lost five and a half units, so Sunday it must have been.

That was brutal. She had Bryce into Shambo at plus four thousand Colin Moorekawa plus four thousand to win the PGA Championship. My kids were just begging to watch Blue all Sunday and I was like, no, God, damn it, no, watch golf Blue. My head, eye my brains out. By the way, Blue is a good show, great TV. Yeah.

I heard that.

They for a live.

The colors of the show are like meant so like aunt dogs can watch it or something.

Yeah, my dog watches.

Yeah, but it's like the way the colors that they use in the show are like specifically designed for dogs to be able to like like receive.

Of course, the Australian Government's spent like one hundred million research and that.

Shit every dollar they had.

Sometimes when we leave the house and leave the dog, we'll have the TV on for the.

Dog and they'll thrown blue and they'll just sit there and.

She just sits there and watches. Yeah.

Uh, Dylan won eight and a half units. Hell yeah, all right, yeah back, yeah, the loser is back. You're still minus fourteen and a half units.

But I'm officially half a unit. Less bad. I was gonna say ahead of Shay, I'll say less bad.

Ye. Larry won two and a half units, so Larry's got plus ten units right now.

That's yeah, yeah, I understand guys.

Yeah, I'm not forgetting football soon. Yeah that's true. Yeah, never forget Larry.

You can't take a victory lap, you know, in the off season football what didn't go with.

And I know, okay, I'm just saying, right, all right.

I'm just saying, let me see anything to recap here bad Larry, Anything to recap.

Tiger not making a cut. He might never make another cut at the Masters.

Yeah, he might not. You're right, let me see how about you dil anything interesting?

Well, Dan, I finally picked the winner again. I think the last time was justin Thomas two years ago. But I got the x man and more cow at top ten.

Yeah he did well. Yeah, plus twelve hundred for Xander Schoffe.

Yeah. Why are to wire too?

Yeah? It doesn't happen often.

I did have to. I was. It's interesting because you asked him about like, uh, the you know, like ease of the course. I guess for this time because and it was like I think it was like two hundred strokes combined in the field, easier than any other major before.

It was a little too easy. You still have to.

Beat You still have to beat all the other guys.

You got to beat all them dudes. I know, Uh, Shay Colley, that is fuck this. It could be worse. Tree lose your smoke, could be Scottie Scheffler breaking the law. Yeah, but what's gonna happen there? Nothing? But it was awesome, and it's just the one time I fucking bet him to win. By the way, the one time I met him to win. I wake up and the motherfucker's in jail. It's like this piece of ship, this piece.

Yeah. A week after I hopped on the Scottie bandwag and finally like, all right, I'll do it.

And then I was like, fine, I'll bet on him, like Scotty's a fucking prison was like, what the fuck for assaulting officer?

I think I put the over under its sixty eight and a half When he got out of prison and I took the under.

Yeah, he shues like five under that there, Yeah, and you're over the next time.

Yeah. Then it caught up to him a little bit, right, the drauma did. But at first it was like I'm a free bird.

Man, walked out film like a gangster. In the next time, he's like, I'm gonna have to go back to fucking Louisville.

So looking at the totals here, I was wondering, do we need to change the name of this podcast. I'm just throwing it out there that maybe take your name off of that. That did cross my mind. Dan Patrick takes a gamble, but how about these are the worst gamblers in the world.

Wow, that's a bit rough.

Okay, a little wordy, Okay, what what do you have? Let's let's just say we were searching for another title for this podcasts.

From the Back and the Boys Rosie O'donnald from the Back, what do you mean? And and her Boys Chipmunks, Rosie from the Back.

We we've thought of Dan doing lines from behind?

Have you people ever mistaken you for ros Dylan consistently all the Rosie.

It's a compliment. Shay, you look very but.

And you shaved your beard like ye.

Shave that beard right off?

Do you have any other suggestions here?

We thought of doing lines like get it Dan, it's a little double time.

I got that thank you.

No refunds, which I think kind of nails it. Okay, well we had some other ones, right what uh, rolling the dice or rolling dice, Yeah, but that's not that's not We have the losing ticket, losing tickets good? How about we suck yeah or just don't listen. I do have one here that just says bad decisions.

Bad decisions, fade away. I also j r Us Dan.

I had a sort of a way to kind of crowd source this and have fans either hit us up on Instagram or Twitter. If someone comes up with a good name that we select, we'll send them a real lock of Shay's hair.

Gotta be Rosie from the back o Bad Larry. You got any suggestions on a better name for this than Dan Patrick Takes Again?

I will think about it over the weekend. Dan, I don't have one off the top of my head, but I will do a little thought about Bad.

Larry takes a ship, about threesomes in benzos, Okay, Larry, I like them all.

Actually, I brought up the more Tim Brodor story today on the show because Martem Rodor left his wife for his wife's sister, and it made me think of Bad Larry Jersey as well. Yeah, something in the water.

Imagine doing that, Like you.

Walk into a room and your sisters, your wife's sisters on that couch and she's over here, and you walk in and you sit on the couch where your wife's sister is.

It says, we got something to tell you hunt.

Oh yeah, that's uh.

I mean, welcome to the wonderful world of alcoholism. Could that wife no more? Family line in vodka.

After that, the wife sister is that white? There's always a coup chair in every hotel room.

Wow, it's for having those tough conversations.

Cup chair in the Bible and a Book of Mormon. Usually, no, not usually the hell are you talking about?

No, I don't know, no King James version. Yeah, the Bible and a book of More. I've seen a book of More.

Maybe the Great West where that cult revitalize itself, But no, are in the Northeast and other place. And name the hotel.

The Radison Ray says here, the Marriott Hotel has included the Book of Mormon in the room since nineteen fifty.

Bullshit, I swear to god.

I've seen it a bunch of times from Washington Posts. It does seem a little Washington Post.

Okay, we're gonna start quoting that rag.

Actually I take everything back.

What's the New York Post? Yeah, now we're talking about a real pote journalist. Uh, Larry, you didn't send in your bets this week?

Yeah? I did.

I don't have anything. I got nothing from you, Larry fucking carry your pigeon got lost again?

Oh good, then I'm gonna keep my lines. That's perfect that's.

Not how that works.

I have the draft out there.

I sent them in. I'll double to.

Who to who to just okay, but I have Ray right next to me and he doesn't have let me.

Let me just look and maybe I forgot to push. Then that happens every once in a while messages.

I heard that every every week, everything every week. Real speaker wondering.

Yeah, Ray Dan Patrick.

Not his official name.

Ray Damn Patrick. The picture was sitting on the phone. I never sent it, but I.

Took a shocking discovery. Yeah, why don't you send him right now?

I'm not gonna lie. Larry started to convince me a little bit. He was very convincing there for like the two seconds I.

Just sent them to you. I must have forgot the pus send this morning, but then.

You didn't send them if you didn't hit.

Send, correct, Ray, I apologize. There are my pics.

Okay, thanks, all right, I'll go to Dylan for is that your like high school ring that you have around your neck?

Oh it's my fucking wedding rag and my pinky ring. But your ring around your Shane? Yeah? How come well? God, you go to the titty bar.

You want to tell them you got a future with them, you don't want to go short that that if they see it on your hand, you mean, yeah, then they think they can blackmail you. But if you're a single man at the titty.

Bar, did you sign up for Ashley Madison?

No?

God, no, how stupid? Yea, I just wanted you your real email to.

It's wild And that's the crazy thing is like fucking more.

I watched the documentary. Yeah, it's nuts, shit show. Oh my god, I remember that whole thing went down. I remember it was like all over the news and shit, it was everywhere.

People and they're like names just started flying out, like congressmen and.

Yeah Mormons, Mormons, Shane, Yeah right, never. First off, I wouldn't cheat on the roommate a B. I wouldn't use a fucking email address to a random company that then hooks me up with some random woman I could have met at the fucking ball anyway. It's stupid.

It does seem like almost fifty million people were really dumb to that fact that, like, I don't know, no one's gonna find out.

Yeah, yeah.

The only thing that could happen is if we get hacked and then they got hacked idiots.

Yeah, and it was funny too. They were like, we literally had zero security. It wasn't even like they were like some like like Advance, but they.

Made up awards for security. So on their website it would say like best security and then they gave themself a truck.

They photoshop met on it, right, it'd be like unbelievable.

Yeah, yeah, I Canadians, I think it was so. Yeah Toronto, you know, twenty thirty seven million, I think, yeah, I had how many users they had? Yeah, but they had around the world. Okay, so all these.

Different foreign languages that you know they're talking about. Actually, mad As didn't even want money, did they.

They want to around them.

I wonder it was probably some jilted woman.

Yeah, they never I don't think they ever found out. But they they thought they found the guy, they offered him money, didn't want the money. He said, I'm not involved in this, and then they couldn't find anybody.

Well, that guy's an idiot. It's okay, you got it. Yeah, just give me the money.

Wire me the mill. Knocking it all, not going to change anything. Yeah, I don't even know how.

This hasn't been a good stretch for Canada. Jamal Murray Drake now Actuley Madison.

Well, Acshley Madison was a while ago. That's been.

For a long time.

Okay, this is new. Yeah, terrible.

Well, and they did have some guy who was really religious who's on the show. That guy's such a dweed, but they he and his wife were deeply religious, and they did some like lip syncing videos that went, you know, went viral, and then all of a sudden, uh, somebody realized that that's that guy and his name came out. Somebody you know, broke the story. Then he has to do a video with his wife saying, you know, like God has you know already, uh.

Forgiven me? Yes, forgiven me? Like happened quick. Yeah, he said, God forgave me, my wife forgave me. Yeah, I wish I could. God can forgive you, but your wife that's a different story.

Like it was public too, so it was crazy.

He was like a TikTok dude or something like that. Before. Yeah, yeah, he did a video.

Yeah, they sang along to Love is the Open Door from Frozen, And I was like, the irons.

What you get from marrying a fucking loser?

The irony too is it's like you know, that guy was sitting there, He's like, if I didn't sing that fucking friend.

Song in.

Somebody watched his video and was like, this marriage is fake as ship.

Well, they got like they like blew up kind of in like the weird like that realm of YouTube. So like people were like recognized, like you know, like.

They're looking at names, and then all of a sudden, somebody goes, is this the same guy who did the video? And then all of a sudden, this guy's getting all kinds of text messages on his phone. Now he realizes he's in trouble. He has to tell his wife that he signed up but he didn't use it. He said he didn't use it, yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, and then she bought it. She said, look, I'm gonna be the greatest wife and I'm gonna I'm not gonna ask

Was fucking pretty ugly.

He was hit. Yeah yeah yeah, so how did he break Why did he break down? What happened?

Because some people we're texting him saying, hey, you got to come clean on this.

You got to. You gotta tell her you did more than just open up an account.

And then apparently he had a whole lot more than Nashley Madison.

Yeah, he was like making the rounds and every star.

Clon you know, yeah, you probably know him.

Probably.

I was going to say, might have the same cop deal. He didn't say anything about drugs. Believe me, drugs were involved, and if they weren't, he should have said they were. That's what you do immediately. I have a drug problem.

Yeah, I'm going to rehab.

I go to a rehab. This is yeah. Uh did we get Larry's picks? Yeah? We didn't, all right, because Larry, do you want to tell us your picks?

Yeah? I got him right here?

Dan, Oh, now you got him? Okay, well I always have.

I'm in my car, I'm on my way to you know where I'm you're going to. I'm on my way. Yeah, there's people waiting over there, so.

Okay, here we go.

One. I got a Well, first of all, let's go back to the eighteenth hole. When Lowery is going to shoot the sixty one. Why does he lay up there? I mean, there's no trouble. Hit fucking Wood out of there. He's getting the sand trapping chipping one. Pudford's a sixty one.

I agree, balls Lair, I agree, Puss, you move, totally agree.

I mean, you're going for You're not gonna blow up and get a triple bogie. The worst thing you're gonna do is bogie. Take a chance for immortality. That was punk. I thought he punked out.

All right, Well, thank you all rights.

Pacers plus nine and a half tonight it's nine okay, pacers plus nine tonight? Over to twenty four? Yes, okay, over Al Horford's point total. I think it was nine or nine and.

A half, nine and a half.

Okay, over Drew Holidays points. I don't know what it was. Thirteen and a half, I'm sorry, thirteen and a half yeah, yep, okay, that's fine. Over Sacum's rebounds them whatever.

His name is, yeah, eight and a half.

Perfect, perfect, he's be'st double digits, no question. I want the Yankees right now. I think it's a twelve thirty five start, okay, and I want the Rangers to MyD A lot of my Ranger fans are gonna be upset that I took the Rangers, because.

How many Rangers fans, do you I.

Took that mix game seven and A all think it is my fault they lost.

Okay, all right, so that's.

So they're all they're all one units, guys.

Okay, Dylan, alrighty dan NHL got the Rangers to win the series against the Panthers. Plus two fifty got blanked last night, but at home, at home and stuff. But I think they I think they'll rally and I go own Stars minus one and Africans the Oilers plus one ninety five tonight.

Okay, man, I am digging this this series because of the uniforms. The Oilers uniform is awesome. Yeah, and I love the stars. The green in the Stars uniforms awesome.

They sucked for a while and then they kind of they reinvented them.

Yeah, I like it. You wait long enough, she gets cool again. Thank you. Yeah.

W n b A dan uh sparks money line against the Fever because the fever suck.

You're owing for yep. Only if they wouldn't have drafted that white.

Girl kind of a kind of a.

Drafted Angel Rees anybody but her, then white people are the worst.

No expectations.

If you draft Angel Rees They're like, all right, we're losing, but you know we're gonna be good one day.

Did you see the tickets for the fucking game of Mohegan or whatever, or the Fever game, it's like two hundred twenty bucks nosebleeds, Yeah, like they're on stuff.

And then did you see what did you see what the Connecticut Sun next game tickets where.

Yeah, like three bucks? Yeah yeah, she's fucking printing somebody. Yeah yeah.

What else do you so sparks money line against the Fever?

Arry, if you have to go, you can go.

No, No, I'm just I enjoyed listening to you guys.

Babble damn Larry.

This is an astute list of gambling information that I've comprised.

Okay, it's babbling Wnba.

Yeah, well you know you're gonna have a podium, a podium finishing over the one racing.

Yeah, I enjoyed this, all right? What else you go?

Nba?

You know, Dan, I had a big week last week, so I'm gonna I'm gonna dance a little bit. I can take the Pacers to win the series against the Celtics plus seven to fifty, and I can actually see the Celtics blowing this somehow they should have lost the first game in ten. Harvard of the West just keeps on cruising. You're in the final four for lacrosse this week the Harvard of the West, so Denver to win the titles. Plus sixteen hundred to sprinkle on that and

Yeah, all right, all right, back to uh basics here, Danny America's pastime, the A's laying won twenty against the Rockies. How many players can you name on the Rockies? On the Rockies, that'll be tough the A's. I can name a few. Kyle Freeland, Shay Langeleers, McCann, the pitcher, Miller Miller or East pitcher, Adams the pitcher. Yeah, they're in the they're in the West. I watch a bunch of their games.

One player had a major role in the World Series for the A's the Rockies. Oh, the other one has hit over two eighty nine consecutive seasons.

Ship, who's that ray at what?

At one point nine consecutive? Not nine now, but at one point he went nine.

Years straight for the Rockies.

If I say, you're gonna be like, yeah, You're like both of these you're gonna go oh say it?

No, I guesses now Chris Bryant, Oh God, all right? And then Charlie Blackman.

Black Men, Yeah he was was there talk about a fall from great Yeah? With the Giants Chris Bryant, Yeah.

Yeah, Cubs, Giants and then the Rother.

Rockets, San fran now Colorado, all right, what else you gotta do? The Mariners plus one twenty two, Tigers minus one ten, then NBA. I'm now a fan by the way of NBA and NHL Hockey. I have to because of Dallas. Yeah, I have to. I gotta start learning the rules. More pressure on the Cowboys. I'm so sick of this ship.

But this is I said this a couple of days ago. If Dallas advances, those two teams advance, then you're gonna have ESPN say, how do.

We get the kill this? Oh? Then here they are. More pressure on the Cowboys.

Now.

Dak Prescott was asked about it. He was like, I hope they win. More pressure on him.

Yeah, Hey, Dak, do you hear if the Dallas Stars win the Stanley Cup?

Yeah? I do? Oh no, uh Mavericks Celtics money line parlay plus two forty and then for golf. I'm back. Danny was so close. I'm back for more. Charles Schwab challenge. I have a parlay with my god Zirah and Dylan's Korean.

Nope, not my career.

See kimjm oh shit, Jesus Christ, you already made the bet. Damn it Sunday. It's it works all right, whatever he will Kim and Colin Mori kouma plus twenty or plus two fifteen top twenty parlay, Danny, that's it. Okay.

There has been discussion at my house for me to go to your house on Wednesday this Wednesday for dinner. Well about this, but here's the problem. You got a tree down in your so it might not be safe for me to be able.

Whatever excuse you gotta make up.

Have you thought about neutral territory like a restaurant.

Well, no, it's white make dinner. I get to see the kids, roommates cooking.

We get to go out back and fish for a little bit. Yeah, I have a cigar.

Cigar, that's it, because Shay doesn't. He doesn't do drinking or drugging.

Nope, not me, Nope, listen fearfully tennis moms, Nope, fucking should LEI for me? Look at this? Yeah, this Wednesday? All right? Let me get a goddamn calendar out, Danny.

All right, well, let me know because that that might be uh.

On the horizon that I would do. What do you want her to cook? I want her to cook whatever is in her wheelhouse? Yeah? Whatever. She's good at good point.

Because all of a sudden, if I'm saying pesto and then she doesn't know how to do?

Are you kidding me? Italy it's a Mexico of Europe.

I mean, yeah, gross that Actually, that, weirdly is completely spot on true.

Wow you to Italy dating? Yes, I just got back. Awful people. They are unbelievable people. Yeah, I guess if you're Italian, yeah, or you're married to an Italian even worse, that'll do it. That'll do an. Actually, I have one Shane Irving podcast wherever you get your par It was actually a cool story. Oh no, I had to kind of put a bowl one oh on him. Yeah, okay, because i'd be doing his podcast. Correct. Yeah, what is it, Dylan? Uh?

My parents had the inspector come to their house, uh two days ago, and my mom was like, you'll never guess what you found in the attic, And I thought it's gonna be like a raccoons or like bats or something. And behind an old beam there was a World War One German luger like with in the holestir, with like

That's where I left it.

But it's pretty wild. I was like, on the list of things you'd expected, those.

Phone keys luger where years ago.

Shit, I'm shocked you don't own one of those off with a little AH inscribed in the.

What the fuck Jesus Christ.

He's not proud of I know, at least own it did.

I'm very proud of my German heritage. My family left after the First World War thankfully, well most of them at least. It doesn't matter We're not going to talk about that to the kids. Earlier.

You told me they left after the Second World War and landed in Argentina.

No, yeah, well Brazil, but the boys of Brazil. Okay, pretty wild right, Yeah it is? Well, are you selling it?

I don't know.

I'm what are you to do with it?

I think you get it and praised. I mean, those things you can sell for like a shipload of money.

You gotta you gotta take it to a gunsman, make sure it works, you gotta do.

It's in pretty like pristine shape, though I don't use.

It to kill anybody, because that'll be really easy to trade. Yeah.

Nine, And with that, we're going to close up shop here on Dan Patrick takes a gamble my thanks to Dylan the graphics guy, Shayan Irving Marvin. Yeah, good, bad Larry, bad Larry. You're still there, Okay, I'm here, Okay, all right, thank you, thank you, Larry.

It's bad Larry and Ray the PA. That's it. That, that's all that we have that makes up this team. What day?

Well magic all right for everybody in the room and the roommate who I might see, yeah later next week, see what she's.

Cooking you guys got to do this.

Oh yeah, it's gonna be fun. Should I wear cologne? No, she's not. It's weird. It's weird. If you wear cologne to my house, I will make fun of you. Oh no, I don't care. Okay, my kids will make fun of you. Okay, see what's that smell.

But I'm going to make fun of your kids. That's fine. Yeah, I thing.

I like to knock them over when they're careful. The youngest one's violent.

Well, you told me that she's mean, but like you know, like a three year old where you just bump it, yeah, hit you back.

Yeah, but just you know, I saw it. She fell.

I've been watching a lot of hockey hip check.

Yeah.

Okay, thanks for joining us. Have a great gambling week, and we'll talk to you next week.

M mhm