Episode 113: Log Off Loser

Gambling was something that I did.

This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table.

A podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling.

One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat and now join my Bad Larry, Shayan Irving and Dylan the graphics guy. I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick.

Okay. So if your wife is pregnant and you're at the Masters and you're leading, and you're coming up eighteen, and all of a sudden she goes into labor, So.

Danny, I wouldn't leave the Masters as like a guest let alone if I was playing.

If your wife went into labor and you were at the Masters like you were last week, you wouldn't scurry back. Guess what, No phones have fun roommate. If I was hope to give you an a dural, if you got time for that shit.

If I was twenty over on Sunday and I got that call, I'm still finishing the round.

Uh. Bad Larry joins us as well. Bad Larry. Let's say you're leading the Masters, you're Scottie Scheffler and you go to the back nine and you get the call. What do you do?

I got nine. If I'm on eighteen, I'm finishing out. If on nine, I'm probably leaving.

Wow, you're leading the Masters. You're leading the Masters.

It's going to be my child, right, It is debt. I don't know.

I don't know what's going on in your house.

It's more important with.

An olive complexion, Larry, I have some problems.

Speaking of Wow. It looks like Marvin, it's so okay, you're going to You're on the tenth t you're leading by five. Are you leaving the Masters? On CBS.

Dan, I honestly got to believe. I've been to all three of my children's firsts and they were the most.

Lame.

Yeah, you get some, you get a million years after.

I think I leave the Masters.

Have you ever been to the Masters?

Though?

I haven't.

Okay, you're asking the wrong person, Danny, that's ain't it? Okay? You went, Yeah, and no issues.

Greatest time in my life, including the birth of all my children, the roommate, everything, everything, greatest time in my life. Really, it was incredible, the most efficiently run anything I've been to ever ever, and I went to military school. This is more efficient, I said, the next land invasion we do, whether it's Tran, Taiwan, China, Gaza, who goo gives a ship, The next one should be planned by whoever coordinates the masters.

Yeah, there was. There was.

I was at a house party put on by some corporation or sponsor or some shit. A bunch of ex golfers there and some you know, there's some Saudi Arabian fellas there too, which was very interesting to me. But they had one of those fancy toilets that you can rent, right,

It was just staring longingly at the I just slipped.

And fell into them.

I'm over there, just trying to get thumbies off the goddamn counterbmbs licking the counter sentinel.

All right, let's uh, let's recap. Shay won two units last week. Dylan lost six units. Bat Larry uh one? Just a big zero nothing, is that right? Everybody's good on those numbers.

I don't remember. I know I had you you. I probably lost my golfers. I didn't even I was on the road and you did.

You did? You lost? You lost everything? Yeah? You one?

Yukon. I won Yukon Purdue matchup, but I did lose on my golf I'm guessing.

Yeah you did. At least that's that's what I have right in front of me. Yeah, okay, okay.

I'm good with the Raisin hasn't been cheating a all this year. Wow, I'm happy.

By the way, you guys didn't have this bet. The Lakers and Grizzlies. They played an extra minute and six seconds third quarter. The Lakers scored four points in the extra time that they allowed them, so they finished the game with one hundred and twenty three points. The over under was one twenty one and a half. They go over. See, that's what do you do to the gamblers. If something like that happens.

You gotta pay him Danny over. I'd lose my fucking mind because I'd have the under. I'd be calling for the investigation.

I feel like you refund, just refund bets on both sides, because yeah, that is ridiculous.

Yes, I think, I think. I think you pay the over and you disallowed the under. Nobody lose on that bet.

No way a book does that. There's no chance they've done.

They've done stuff.

Came out with those those a bunch of uh laterals on the last play of the game when it was taken back for a touchdown. They refunded the losses and paid the.

Winner, and they let everybody know it's a marketing ploy. This just a matter of what the fucking handle is that's it's.

No question, great advertising for him. I agree with that.

By the way, people are comparing Scotty Scheffler to Tiger, like when Tiger had his two thousand season, and I say, do some research here, go back. That's the most dominating run in golf history. And Jamie Kennedy of Golf Digest projected that if I took Tiger and what he did in two thousand, his earnings pro rated that to what they would be in twenty twenty four. He made almost eleven million dollars in prize money in two thousand. If I looked at those same tournaments prize money in twenty

Because they can just make it and they can say we offered him five billion dollars and he's thinking about it.

How do you not do it? If you're Rory?

He can't.

He's over the hill. He is. I don't know if he's over the hill, but the PGA tour hung him out to dry and they need. You know, if I'm Rory, I'd be like, I took bullets for you guy. Yeah, now it's time. Why not? Why not just go take the month? Although he'd get killed on social media, but log off, loser, give hi a fuck. I got eight and fifty million, but just delete my Twitter. Yes, eight hundred and fifty million, and then you wait for the merger and then you come back.

You know what's funny is his great great great grandkids are gonna read this story, probably listen to this podcast and say, you piece of shit. I could have been not working as opposed to digging this dick like I think they're going to be. Why because he's got one hundred million set. That's five more generations of not working. I think it's great, great.

Bad Larry. Where are you?

By the way, I am in Zion actually checked out of this hotel on my way to Vegas as soon as this show is over. I got to smooth over some of the problems that Dylan and Shay caused out there a couple of months back.

You're not going to be going where they were, trust me, Larry, You're not. No.

So I called you know, I got my board out of card and get everything comped in Atlantic City. So I called out to MGM Grand and he got Compton, MGM Grand, Blaggio area and something else. So I just said, book me in Blago.

Who you wi?

The Fab Five, the same ones who did Yellow Zone, my wife, my sister in law?

What is going on there?

No? No, Larry, that's three Larry, the Fab five and the only named you and your wife and her sister.

Barbara and Gregg and you know who they their title of this show. A couple of years ago. Greg and Barbara, we know you. We were in uh dead with Deadwood South Dakota and we did a show when they were coming out of the hotel and you said, who Greg and Barber? We don't know them?

And I still don't know that that's the other two. Okay, there's some stuff going on there, Larry, Larry, what is going on there?

They like National Parks and I'm done today's You know why I like Canyon or Brice Canyon the best? No, my favorite. I did it yesterday.

That's great, that's great. There's some swapping going on here.

Oh yeah yeah yeah, seventy five years your sister in law.

Yeah, the drug dude just died. Benzo's Fritz Peterson just died. What Yeah, Mike Keckage and Fritz. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what we're doing.

Yeah, the big swappers one of them, the other one turned into like a boozehound, right, I don't know.

I think one of them like went to Rehead. Well one stayed married, yeah, the one didn't. The other one freaked out, Yeah, idiot, Uh, let me see. Is there anything worth recamping here? From a Burgs the truth? Yeah? Love him? Yeah, Ludwig followed him for a minute. You're uh, you're still on the Jordan's speed mandwagon there, mister Texas. Mister Texas, he's doing well right now, which pisses me on. Yeah. RBC didn't touch him today. Of course. That brings us

Okay, I want the heat, but is Jimmy.

Butler playing the heat? Don't even know that they don't know. Yeah, yeah he's playing.

He's I want the heat if Jimmy Butler plays. If not, I don't want the bet.

Ray Ray.

I'll trust Ray on this one. I'm being the desert for the next couple of hours. I won't know anything.

You can't make a bet and then say just kidding when the lineup comes out like that. Not how fucking works you make the better you don't.

The game's not till tomorrow night, right, we're doing it doesn't matter if you make the bet.

That's the bet.

I will know if he's playing or not.

Bullshit. So you're taking the heat money line. If Jimmy Buckets plays correct, that's not fair.

If I take a baseball game today based on certain starting pitchers, but one gets hurt in the warm up, the fucking BET's still on.

All right, Well let's see, but.

You're not betting a baseball game for tomorrow.

I can.

I can do it right now.

How about we take a vote on it. Should I do by tomorrow? Fuck? Yeah I do? Should we allow Larry to make this bet hinging on if Jimmy Butler plays Dylan.

I'm inclined to because just.

A yes or not a fucking incline.

There is something to support my argument.

It's just a yes or no all right? Then yes, okay, you're going to accept that, Shay? No fuck no, all right?

Ray, I say yes Dan, that's too all right, Larry, I'll take I'll take the heat. If Jimmy Bucket's play Ray, then I want Ray.

Yes he should be allowed.

All right, I'm going to allow it. I'm going to allow it's going to happen, right, yeah, revolution, that's what's gonna happen.

Jimmy Butler's gonna play.

You'll never get back to the masters.

The people are on my side, Larry, have fun. Uh what other? What other basketball do you have?

Then? I want just three series bets. I want the Nicks.

Against the Philly that's minus.

I want the MAVs that's twenty.

Five minus one, twenty.

Five, that's fine. And it was my third one, damn.

The Nuggets against the Lakers.

Yes, yes, I want the ugg Now you.

Do know that it's Nicola Jokic who plays for Denver, not Luka don Chick.

The joker.

Yeah. Well you called him the big white stick or stiff last year.

That's right, Uh, big white stiff right.

Okay, what the big white still right?

Never mind? H all right? Is that it Larry?

Yeah? And I am. I'm going to eight thousand feet right now, Dan, I'm walking back to the car. Can I leave? Can you give me another week off?

Imagine it's blood pressure right now, eight thousand feet walking?

I take it back, I say, no.

Now wait you want you want next week off? No?

The rest of today?

Oh today, girls are in the car.

They're waiting for me to drive to fucking Vegas.

All right, make sure that they turn on the car and the air conditioning.

We've been sitting around all morning waiting for this, and now I'm gonna get in the car and drive.

Okay, go ahead.

But one other thing. Say everybody I talked to about the Masters says the exact same thing.

You did.

Just want run thing I've ever seen. You came back with that ceiling.

You gotta go go there now. He wants to be conversing with you. He doesn't care.

About He's a better reception of a desert than he.

Does not care about you. Give a shit? All right? Uh shay, what are your bests? I got more golf parlays because great, yeah, top five, I got the loser plus Ludwig Auberg to finish inside the top five. Just to be clear, that's Rory and Ludwig finish top five plus fourteen twenty.

And then I got what do you call it? Top twenty god Zira Auburn and Smart and Cameron Young plus three eighty five. Bingo bango.

And then I got a little bit of baseball. Yeah, all right, here we go.

Come on out, America's past time Rangers Tigers under eight and a half. This is Jack Leader's fucking debut. That's Jack Lighter Leader Lighter Marlin's plus one thirty against the Cubbies. And then I got the Cleveland I'm not going to say the name. Alreadian defensive laying one oh five against the Red.

Sox Guardians versus the.

Red offensive offensive the racing Native Americans is not what I'm going to stand for, Danny Guardians. They did the same thing in Washington.

Just here we go, Here we go, Dylan, all right, Golf, No, there's no way you're I I have I have a system. Your system it sucks, it doesn't work.

Honestly, I really had.

Explained that you're going to take Sun j M.

Plus seven thousand damn a lot of value he did. I really did contemplate jumping off the ship at the Masters, though.

But he missed the cut, did they?

Oh?

Yeah, Dan, A lot of phenomenal golfers missed the gut they Tiger.

Made the cut.

Tiger did.

Yeah.

I gotta say he looked like limber and strong dudes on so much juice, by the way, so much HGH has to be he is fucking built.

Yeah, he's jacked.

I got Xander Schaffley top ten plus one twenty two units on that right, and just because I mean I never do it, but why not Scotti Scheffler to win.

Plus he's playing a shitload of golf. Yeah, he played a couple of turnaments before the Masters. Then you play the Masters. Then he want to be at home with the kid, right that bullshit fake pregnancy, My fucking kids coming, blah blah blah.

Yeah, right, Wait, she's probably six months pregnant. He's full of shit.

He just there's no way that he would say if she goes into labor that and she's six months pregnant, one hundred percent.

I think what he's doing is setting up for his second family. If you know how many women heard this story, and they're like, what a great guy. He's the best husband ever. And then when he leaves his first family, his second one is going to be ready and primed. She's going to do whatever he says.

I would have left the Masters for you.

Yeah, yeah, I love you so much. I would have left the Master fuck you. Yeah right, I'm going to take him at his word. He's a man of faith, and you're a man of faith too. Yeah.

I'm also a hustler, not stupid. I understand marketing, and I'm sure his team does too. All right, what else most boring champion? Ever?

What else do you have?

That?

Is my theory? I similar to like Brock party. I think Scotti Scheffer's like so dumb that he can't get phased in these like big moments because like on Sunday he's.

I don't know if we need to go there, Like I'm I don't check anybody's IQ in here. It's no ship. Yeah, we wonder Like what do you mean? Then?

As a dumb person, I'm allowed to analyze the dumb people.

Yeah, didn't you win the wonderlic test? I did, I didn't do any math.

You finished first first loser?

I didn't do any math. I don't care. You like to say you finished third, but you finished I got the bray, all right? What else do you have?

There's also Dan the corlees Puntacana Championship this week for the B teamers. Okay, I've got Raphael compos to win plus four thousands.

Racist. No, it's betting, it's Potacana, I get it. Yeah, it's I don't know if that means races.

This whole podcast racing Native American Indians picking a Mexican dude to win the Puntacana Championship. This is despicable.

Danny Shay has been having some issues with the integrity of this.

Well let's see if let's see if Dylan picks a Chinese driver since Formula one is in China this weekend. Here we go.

Oh, they're actually at Yuki Sonoda, believe or not. Shockingly, his terrible fucking odds every week.

Wait, you're saying he's a bad driver.

He crashes immediately every time.

Oh my god, who do you have? You have anybody winning here?

I've got two podium finishes. Dan Carlos says minus one fifty in Londo Norris plus one sixty five. Is it londo londo or Lando.

I think that's the Chinese pronunciation. Yes, we else do you have?

Actually it would be different, by the way.

Congratulations your alma mater winning the Frozen. Thank you.

Yeah, Harvard of the Last Yeah, I actually didn't know. They are the winningest college hockey team.

They're good. They've got a good team. Yeah, they've had it for decades.

They're all twenty five year old NHL players. Sorry, every single like both like them and BC. They're literally just like listing off kids on the roster. It's like signed with the Ducks signed every.

Single Minnesota Yeah, all that ship.

It is weird though, because they sign like out of juniors and then go to college and then a lot of them like get redrafted or like take that original signing. It's a weird.

I think we're taking a little bit longer on the victory lap here. Just fucking move on, all right, Damn damn Harvard of the West Rock. Here we go.

Speaking of, I have a collegel CROSSBD Dan Denver minus five and a half against Providence tomorrow.

So it's your alma mater against Yeah.

Oh and one more uh preseason Shane and I both took the Mets plus fifty five hundred to win the World Series. It's plus eight thousand. Now I'm gonna sprinkle a little more on there with the added value they've been on there.

They won the other night because of a balk.

Yeah, how did you get it done?

I could have leave it And that's it.

That's it.

That's it.

From one important thing though, Dan, Red Lobsters, what do you mean?

What do you mean? Is the bankruptcy.

They're probably going to file Chapter eleven. And one of the big reasons was the endless Shrimp promotion.

That was your fault, wasn't it.

I contributed, But they've lost millions of dollars on endless Shrimp and the CEO was asked about it and he just said.

It didn't work. Are they going to take it away? Now? Yeah?

I mean I think so. I think they already did.

Damn.

But we're gonna get We're going to work on getting Red Lobster back. And there's one in Bridgeport, so we're gonna go to the casino next Friday. And all of our winnings were reinvesting back into the lobster fun absolutely, and if we lose whatever we lost will yes, Ray, So.

Red Lobster lost eleven million dollars on the endless endless shrimp deal.

Who was the knucklehead who said let's come up with this idea and then didn't do like a like a spreadsheet?

How much is this shrimp?

They probably started it when we weren't so fucking fat, and twenty years later America is so obese that they just inhaled shrimp at the Homer Simpson Pace.

Yeah, like they found a loophole that have diabeta and they take eleven million dollars over a span of how many years? It said that we're losing like double digit millions and quarterly losses and like that.

Okay, at what point do you say we're not going to do the way.

Sooner than they did? I think turn off the spigot, right, shrimp?

Hey, how about we don't offer up endless shrimp? Do you like?

Well, like Olive Garden does like endless breadsticks with their fucking bread sticks.

But they should have done endless biscuits, is what they should have done, because that'll fill you up faster than shrimp. I could eat a thousand Yeah.

Yeah, yes, Ray, So it says here the twenty dollars. Ultimate endless shrimp deal costs the company eleven million in the third quarter alone.

Now they deserve to go back rupp Yeah, I mean that.

How did that one got like pushed through all the ranks and they were like, all right, fucking twenty dollars all the shrimp you want.

This is why you should always aim high, because there are fucking morons working at bigger jobs than you have.

Right now, you realize most people are dumb or I could.

Have done that job. You want to lose eleven million a quarter? Fucking sign me up.

We're doing endless lobster now, yeah, fuck it.

Endless booze. Fuck it. I think there's a restaurant in the south of France that has all you can eat. They have all you can eat lobster. It's they've they made twenty four million dollars last year, and it's you can't get in. It takes you a couple of months to get into this restaurant in the south of France, and it's got everything you want, all the caviar you want, all the unlimited and they make money. They made twenty four million dollars. I think last is it unlimited booze. I don't think so.

Is that ku Like Europeans go there and actually eat like a normal amount and then leave.

Have you been there, Danny? Now an article on it? No ship? I'm well reads Field Trip Field Trip France.

Danny.

Yeah.

Here the Ray's got it, the less Granze buffet.

Less.

Wait, it says twenty dollars all you can eat shrimp.

No it doesn't, but they have everything. It's all you can eat. Yeah, the hottest rookie rookie, hottest restaurant in France is in all you can eat buffet.

That is not that seems very unfriends.

They have an entire glass enclosed structure for lobster no ship.

Yes, like it's like a massive aquarium.

No.

No, they're all just hanging there. Oh really yeah yeah I want to go. Yeah?

Where is it a nice?

Does that have a dress code? They do say that people dress nice to go there. There is a dress code. Okay, he can't showed these guys that tower that lobster town. Yes, yeah, it's a lobster the New Yorker Fancis. That's where I read it. Yeah, because I am a New Yorker.

Yeah, yeah, probably a big NPR fan too America. No, I'm alone on an island listeners.

I don't listen to any other radio than the radio I produced. I man, Yeah, okay, thank you. Yeah.

Yeah.

No.

I used to listen to Rush. I didn't agree with Rush, but I listened to him because of his talent in broadcast. Great talent. Yeah yeah, but it was always when he was joking. Then he was just a comedian, but then when he wasn't joking, and then he was a political influencer. Yeah, he was like perfect. Whenever he got in trouble, he'd be like he's a comedian.

Yes, Mark, did you ever find yourself yelling at the radio when you would say something about landish?

Okay, I'm always yelling at podcasts.

Like no, no, no, what do you mean? That's crazy talk? Taylor Swift is the Michael Jackson this generator. Okay, but I'm yelling like that.

You talk back to the movie screen when you go to a movie that.

You're seeing Saw in theaters.

First of all, I'm not seeing Saw, but no chance.

You know what's so funny when if people go to a horror movie, black people are yelling like.

Why would you trip over? You're so stupid? Molly, you're the stupidest, not the elevator. Yeah, you know, serial kill.

Why do you get in a shower? Yeah, and look around, you're the only black cast member. You're dead.

Yeah, yeah, you're strewed.

First, I think of that Jada Pinkett was in Scream for eighteen seconds and was killed.

I was like, damn, dude, I think remember that movie Anaconda. I think I lived.

Really, don't everybody job the other?

Black Eye gets eaten in like before the opening credits are done rolling?

Yeah, ice Cube was like fuck that. By the way, shy and irving the podcast and a new episode, Yeah.

Drop today, Danny. Okay, Master's recap Mother weird shit.

You know, wait, is this recycled stuff that you already said on?

No?

This stuff on that was way more uh personal. Did you get in trouble? No? No, no no, did you do anything that? Did I get Oh nobody got I didn't get caught for anything. I'm good. Okay.

Tennis moms are probably listening to though. I'm sure I'll hear some blowback on it. But why do you say blowback?

Well, Danny as a Freudian slip. Yeah, you know, I was just an Observer in Augusta Shay and Irving wherever you get your podcast, so thanks for joining us once again. On Dan Patrick Takes a Gamble until next week.