Episode 107: One and Dumb

Gambling was something that I did.

This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

One of my bookies died at the kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat and now join my bad Larry, Shayan Irving and Dylan the graphics guy. I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick.

Larry, Hello, Dan, how do you feel?

I got a headache? It was tough. Wait, way harder than I thought it was going to be.

Okay, do you have a headache from taking the Wonderlick test? Or did you have a.

Headache from taking his half? Okay, I haven't taken his test in twenty five years.

Wait, when's the last test you took twenty five years ago?

That actually.

Mortgage business. We had to take some canyon education colladding. I'm not used to concentrating like that for ten minutes. It was hard.

Wait, so you were limited a mortgage broker for how long?

Mortgage banker? Dan not have broken.

Okay?

We were licensed, we were working for we were bankers for how long? Twenty years?

How did how did you fare around like two thousand and eight, that's I quit.

How did you fare around? Compliance?

Larry was actual? Don't forget all my all my deals were lily white people in my neighborhood, friends of mine, with good credit and good income.

For a second, I don't have to.

Worry about any fraud.

We do no income, no doc loans for bookies and gangsters.

Fanny May gave us that option.

Yes, well, I have the results of the Wonderlick test, the scores that Dylan and Shay took here that we got to monitor. Larry, you were on the honor system down at your place in the Jersey Shore, correct.

A notoriously honorable place.

Yeah. Yeah. When I think honor, I think Jersey Shore, I think Snookie, Chicago, New Orleans.

Then it's the situation went to prison.

Yeah yeah, okay, So what's your problem?

Nothing? Look, I got nothing against him that.

You guys all have records, You guys all have mug shots. Yeah, it's called be an Americans.

Sometimes.

Well, I guess I'm not an American because I don't have a mug shot. It's a communist, yes.

Nor do I damn?

Oh shut up? Uh? Here do you guys want the test results or do we want to wait until the very end of the podcast. It's called a tea called it tease.

I think I'm down with waiting until the end.

Okay, Shay, can you wait? I can wait, bad, Larry, You're gonna have to wait.

Yeah, I'm that's fine. I don't have any any picks to give in. You know what I might take Rutgers against Michigan.

Well, hold on, hold on, hold, hold on the gambling podcast. Yes, you're supposed to have picks on a gambling podcast. All right, are we ready?

Yeah?

Okay, so, uh, we've started new since the season is over, and uh, it's officially best sect to Me me season that usually happens March Madness, then doesn't happen the week of the start of March Madness. Yeah, something like that. The roommate's been talking to me about it for years. But no, you're not getting absolutely not.

We could get you to do that anything.

Uh, twins, if we have twins next, I could probably get of a sect to.

Me and that's fine.

Is your wife pregnant? No not yet? Wait are you trying to get pregnant? No? I never tried. They just keep happening. I never were never playing any of these kids. They just kept popping up. No, yeah, wait, so you just shoot the club up.

I feel like planning it takes a little of the magic out of it.

You know, it's boring. As far as I'm concerned, the Lord's gonna provide, I might as well have seven of them, fine with me?

Yeah?

Okay, have you run that by the roommate. No, she's very upset when I talk about any of this shit, and her tennis friends are listening. Right now, y'all can all go to hell, quit talking about shut your damn mouth and leave her alone. How about that, you freaking bums, get a job. Okay, right now? I got Shay minus three and a half, Dylan minus two and a half. Larry is plus four and a half. See, I think the key was to get the football season over. That's when Larry starts his magic.

Now. I bet us Providence and the under. Last night, in that Marquette game, it was like fifty to twenty nine at halftime, and loves are on both.

Okay, why got I got to win that back? Today?

Okay, let me let me recap. We had some golf. Dylan, he loves justin Thomas. That didn't work out well, Uh, the there was gonna be a hole in one and there was wow, yeah, a good hit as plus one and this was that, which turns been so long.

I know that the extra week in there throws us off.

What was the yeah, right, it was the Genesis Tournament Riviera, Yeah, Riviera.

And Justin Thomas actually had the hole in one.

Oh and still paid that up.

He hit the hole in one during the practice right xalatoris, Oh, yes it was valatauris Okay, So I wasn't like okay, and you lost your PARLAYU Shay.

Give it you take it away ball. Yeah, it's a long season, Danny. Bad Larry, once he learned how to pronounce Victor Hobblin's name, Uh, got a top twenty finish out of him the All Star Game over three hundred and sixty four total points. That was four units for the over in the first half. So bad Larry did pretty well with them. Sorry mess.

And they're gonna they're gonna end that NBA champion that All Star Game, right, No, we're gonna do it.

Well, what are they going to do instead? I think versus the World makes a lot of sense. I think playing against the United States, playing with some of your European teammates or friends that you might play, it can't get any worse. Correct, correct, There's no chance. So no one can say, well, that's a dumb idea, because the dumb idea is the all star just at the wall. Yes, all right, bets this week, since bad Larry is leading the charge, Larry, you get to start off.

Okay. I looked this morning. I didn't really see anything I like, but I'm gonna bet Rutgers because Michigan sinks. I wanna bet Rutgers against Michigan tonight, thirty games. I think I'm laying seven at uts. Yeah, it's all I got for you, Dan, one unit on Rutgers.

Okay, that's it. Wow, I just okay, that.

Golf tournament already starts.

I thought, I don't know, we're gonna know it starts.

It starts. The tournament starts today.

But yeah, like nine o'clock this morning, my wife do her hair.

Hang on, what does that have to do with betting?

I can't. I got to move, I can't hear with the hair dryer going in the in the.

Bathroom might actually be Larry's smartest move he's ever done.

By not just one bet okay one one and done, okay one and dumb Oh wait.

Wait wait I want to go. Then you know what that Formula one? Is that a race? Because I saw those odds. You're Dylan's guy first stopping.

It's it's ball Rain Grand Prix and it is a race.

So it's right, So then what else would it be?

I have no idea.

Hey, that guy's minus five hundred were stopping.

Ham it la.

I mean if you really wanted to put Max bet yeah, literally Max bettet Max verst stopping stopping it.

Okay, are you betting on the Bob Rain Grand Prix, Larry, Yes.

I want the guy who the second favorite was, like Hody, somebody who's like plus nine hundred. I think I just want to make sure it's a race and it's not like cumulive points for the year and for stopping his way ahead of everyone.

Okay, so who's he taking?

Ray?

So as of right now, me and Dylan found this out today. They stripped the lines down today. What we don't know why why why did you say that?

Well they might just be changed, like they might just be changing lines stuff around. So then like you know, futures markets and stuff like that.

Okay, up and down?

So what comes out? I'll take you. You want the second best odds?

Oh yeah, it's like Hody something had a weird name.

I guess it's nothing like that. But whoever the second.

No, I think it's hod of from the Today Show.

Who's on my phone?

Max Win?

I want him as as Dylan says, I want to podium finished for that guy.

What kind of phone do you have? He's a flip phone? Yeah?

No, no, no, it's one of those apples. I don't know which one.

They only have one.

Are you the Alpha?

Are you?

Are you talking about Max Homer the Golfer? No?

No, no, it was like Hody or something.

Let's say, let's say if we can crack this.

Okay, do you have somebody named Hody or Hoda? Oh?

Okay?

So that howdy?

Charles Leclair is number two?

That is that's really closet.

Yeah, I mean you know, do you have Lewis Lewis Hamilton?

No, No, it wasn't him, Okay, Lando Norris.

Lando that it was he like plus nine hundred.

Plus twenty eight hundred.

No, that wasn't him. You know what when you guys are doing your picks, I'll go into my gambling.

Go into your phone.

Yeah, okay, okay, I gotta listen.

You got talk, all right, here we go. It's Dylan your picks this week? All right?

Dan So And in the golfer I got some JM top five.

Plus eight fifty. Damn you like son Jay Young?

I love him. I don't know, He's just he's majestic.

Really, Okay, I don't think he's a majestic.

He's quite majestic actually. And then I'm also gonna add Keith Mitchell top ten.

One of the best swings. But he does wear a visor. I have a problem with guys who wear advisors.

I actually like him because of that. He wears that, Like, no, I do.

I have a problem with visors. Why? I just like, why why do we need visors? Did you ever tell Jay Gruden this? I would tell John too. Wow?

Yeah, but isn't isn't golf the most fitting setting for advisor?

Yeah?

Like it was invented for golfer.

Yeah, because normally they have beautiful hair, you know. Yeah, But I just don't. I wear a hat, not a visor, advisors anything I think you should.

Like, maybe a helmet too, all right, So what else do you have here? College basketball? I got Stone Hill The Hillstones money line plus one fifty against Sacred Heart.

Sacred Shart.

I sent that to that.

Is that a nickname for Sacred Heart should be?

If it's not Sacred Shart, they're going to lose the Hillstone anyway?

Okay? So uh stone Hill, yep.

Right, who I believe played them earlier in the season and was like a ten point dogs and almost went out right, So I'll take them straight up this time. And then dan My Harvard of the West minus three and a half against Kansas City, which is apparently a college.

I didn't know then, but I didn't know Denver played basketball either.

They don't really, but but they played hockey tonight, they didey, yeah, hockey across Yeah, Okay, that's it.

What else do you have?

And then Saint Mary's last game tonight minus fifty and a half against pepper Dye.

I want it too, I'm on it. Yeah, well, there's nothing wrong with being on the same game. I don't like it. Why I thought I had something there? Now we're going to take you know, like everybody's seeing it now special.

I want Pepperdine money line.

Go ahead, go ahead, I sprinkle. I'm gonna right wing fanatics going, yeah, okay.

That's that's a fake place if I've ever seen one.

Have you ever seen the campus?

Yes, it's just on the like the promontory. Apparently it's boring as fun though there's like no drinking or anything.

Pepperdine. Yeah, yeah, neo fascism. It's great. I didn't know that it was that, but it was very, very beautiful. There's a large cross when you when you pull in the driveway, there's a reminder. There is a reminders how we're going to take over the country. That is your kind of universe. Yeah, watched it all the time up against the Wall, Dylan, Yeah, you red neck mother Shay you're up next. Actually, oh you got one more.

Yeah.

I have some like our Esteine Larry who's figuring out the name of this person who doesn't exist, Tody Hody. I have a couple f one picks. Oh Lando Norris to finish on the podium, Charles Leclair to finish on the podium, and Charles Leclair's fastest lap and apparently the Ferrari car was the fastest beat Red Bulls car in the preseason whatever the Fox.

Said, Okay, sure it means something, all right, Okay, we're ready comedy sports anyway.

Danny h college basketball because I'm so good at it. Nebraska, Ohio State under one forty five, Ohio State plus three and a half. This is from Sammy p. He told me to do it, so I'm doing it. I don't understand the line at all, but.

I don't either.

I don't either. But take Nebraska right, Nebraska is shitty on the road. Here we go, let's rock.

Wait, Ohio State's getting three and a half at home?

Yeah?

Are they at home? Yeah, they're at home. Well, yeah, that's what I said.

North Dakota laying the one against South Dakota State, Saint Mary laying the fifteen and a half against the Christian Nationalists, and then I got Washington laying the two against u CoA.

So the show Zoey one oh one was filmed at Pepperdine. Yeah my kids love that shit. Yeah, yeah, that show is great. Never saw. It's not a great show. It's an awful show. It's awful awful. But first off, it's a co ed boarding school. It makes no freaking sense. You wouldn't send your kid to a co ed boarding school at thirteen years old, right on the precipice of you know what, there's no chance in hell anybody would send their daughter there, but apparently they do on Zoe one on one.

It is a fake show, but.

It makes no sense. The premise is wrong.

It is a premise of Star Wars makes sense absolutely.

A galactic empire against fascist I.

Thought it was against communists.

What if they were doing in one hundred years? No, well like rebels games? Yeah, Hunger Games? Is that first off? Hunger Games. They should have just fell in line. They had a great life going on. They want to volunteer for bullshit. Let the regime win, Dan, there's some time sometimes you have to. No, there's no crime, nothing but education. Everybody's happy and healthy.

Everyone needs clear soup.

Exactly? Is it called broth? Broth? It's called.

A slight amendment because I actually do want to take the other side. Ohio State is favored by four at home, it's four. Now they're favored by four.

Why does it say plus three and a half here on the shield? Yeah, Ray, that was his fault. No it wasn't. I got the line. I'll show you the text.

Yes, Ray, I'm pretty sure that's what you sent me, and you've been very pretty sure. It is my fault, but you've been very good at gave him.

You don't know bullshit from Sammy p O s U minus three and a half.

Okay, I fuck that up.

Good try yeah, okay, try it out, but I'll take you never will thatche is under the influence when he sends you sober Danny. Oh, that's right, thank you. Wink wink you're wink Martindale the defensive coordinator Dirka derka. Yeah, okay, Ali, what else do we have? I got some futures if you want to hear it. Sure, why not Wild Class to win the SEC plus five thousand, Bama to win the SEC laying one oh five. I like Kentucky to

Yes, right, just so you know, these are the lines to win it outright in the regular season, not the tournament.

So you know that we're talking about.

This isn't like, oh, Kentucky wins the SEC tournament. This is just for them to win the regular season. That's the line.

No, no, no, no, no no.

We got plus five thousand. Yeah, to win the tournament.

No, it's for the regular season SEC crown. That's why they're plus five thousand.

Oh bullshit, I don't want any of these Okay, well that's what. What about to win mark madness?

Yeah, I want the madness is correct, that's plus three.

That's just regular season.

Yeah, that's why they're plus five thousand because they're so far behind.

To be fair. If Tennessee Tennessee just beat Auburn, which was the dominant performance, that was crazy, that means I need no, absolutely not. I'm not taking that fucking bet. Okay, but the other futures you are I want. I want the actual championship future, so perdue Iowa State in Kentucky to win the national champions as okay, anything else?

Yeah, Golf the golf. I got Rory and Connor top twenty finish parlay plus two sixteen.

Ray's odds to open that were wild.

They were they were gross.

Everyone in the dust.

I know the second best odds Chris Kirk at plus twenty two hundred. Do we want to do odds on the number two pick overall? Number three pick overall in the draft? Sounds like Chicago's taking Kaleb. Yeah. I mean, just so, who's going number two?

Uh?

Right now? Jaydon Daniels is No. I think I think Drake May is going to be a bust.

I think Caleb william is going to be a bust.

I don't trust kaylor Ship Yeah bad, Larry, You're still there.

I'm still here. I got my guys.

Lando Nars, Okay, that's just what. Yeah, we brought him up a while ago, but all we kind of got we have the same buys.

Couldn't figure that out?

You said, Hoda, holda, You said, Hody and howdy and now you're so figure that out?

And I said, Lando Norris, you said no, And I was like, this is the only guy who has at least two of these letters in his name.

Lando, Kyle Recia.

Okay, I want him podium finished one unit? Laugh all you want?

Wait all of that for one fucking unit?

All right, it's a Formula one race.

Well, now you figured out it's an actual race. You didn't even know it was a race, Larry, how could it?

How can it be a race and one guy be minus five hundred. It's gotta be like, uh, say here with his five plus five thousand to win the thing. No, he has to be so far ahead of everyone else. It's like the next couple points or whatever they call it. Well, no, it's gonna be one race and a guy's minus five hundred to win a race.

He won almost every race last year, I think, except for like one, yeah, one or two.

Kya Woods has never been minus five hundred to start a tournament. Minus five hundred, this guy is. That's crazy.

Yeah, golf for racing are different.

I know, anyone could have anyone can.

Crash, Larry.

We did a whole segment last year about Tiger at his peak. He was like plus one oh five and then the second place was like plus nine hundred, because he's like, he's the peak right now. He's Tiger Woods for f one right now.

I know.

But minus five minus five hundred, Well.

There's also to take take it.

Don't take it.

Take it. You don't want to take the bed, take the.

Other side of it. I'll take the field. You canna be five, Yeah, take the field.

I love it, Larry on the field.

You know what, I'll take the field again.

I don't even know what the field?

Can I can I book that for you myself. I'll take I'll take max for staff, and you can have the field. Yeah, but what what we said he's giving to me?

No do even money?

No, no, no, three three to one, all day, three to one, all day money.

This guy's minus five to one.

Three to one.

Do it?

Juice him? All right?

Yeah, all right, how much one hundred bucks?

Three to one?

Why three to one?

Because you don't have a bet otherwise, because there's nothing.

It's against the field, it's not against each other individual racer.

You got you want, you want your buy your guy Verset stopping, whatever his name is. At minus five minus five hundred, I'll book that bet. The only way I can book that bet is take the field against them.

Correct, correct, I'll do my one hundred to your twenty.

Damn, that's fight the one.

There's a five to one. That's fair one. Okay, you're one hundreds of my twenty.

Perfect. I love it.

I'm going to watch this ship now now you care? Yeah, no, I'll give it.

Damn.

That's really what this podcast is about giving you a reason to watch things that you wouldn't normally want, like Saint Mary pepperdine tonight, Stony Hill, it's against sacred heart. We give you a reason, all right. That brings us to the portion of the show where I tell you about the wonder Lick test results. Okay, uh, does anybody think that they had the best score? Well, I want to preface this, Danny. Your sounded like Larry No.

No.

To be fair, Ray can testify to this. I skipped every single math question, correct. Yeah, So I like to know how many non math questions were there in the test? By the way, and I heard Shay say this to Ray that he skipped the math questions. I thought he said the meth questions, And.

I go, there's no meth questions. I wish there were. You would have got that ship.

You would You didn't skip the meth question in your life, never, never have, never will.

All right?

So who thinks they do? You want to answer Shay's question there? Of how many math questions there were?

That's going to take me a little.

Who thinks they had.

Who wants to bet on themselves that they had the best score here? Not me?

Well, I skipped a lot of questions, but I thought I'd be able to go back and fill them in later.

You let a take home test, Your score doesn't count. You were by yourself, supposedly with Google and a calculator. Yeah you can.

Yeah, sure I was in. But go ahead. You guys just had a circle circle answers on a piece of paper without a off my phone, and then go find the number over here to write a letter in.

Yes, Claire, you.

Had to do that because you don't know how to use a fucking printer.

That was the only way we can do that.

I have nothing to do with knowing how to use Do they have king? What would I need? A princi? I texted Ray last night. I was out with a butter of mine drinking, and he said he would prop to the test.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we would totally respect that honesty.

My friends like to bust my ball trust me.

Okay, here we got.

Every math test. Dylan, how did you do on a test?

I think I did all right. I probably could have budgeted my time better.

How many non math questions?

There's some, there's some crossover questions, common sense math.

Okay, I would have bet.

Dylan and he just he's it out of college a couple of years. He should he should win it. Larry, I got this the way you're saying, you know, I'll take me.

I got noticeably dumber in college, and I will second that.

Yeah, he has gotten noticeably dumber. Okay, Uh, somebody had thirty four, somebody had thirty three, somebody had twenty five.

I mean, if you're just going based on appearances, I would probably put Shay at the bottom.

Yeah, yeah, Look the fuck look at you?

What do you mean how he looks?

Looks you know? Are you saying he looks stupid?

Damn?

I know exactly what I'm doing right now. I'm just setting myself up.

But I mean, yeah, you look homeless.

This looks like an annoying eighth grader. Actually, today you look.

Like a suspended eighth grader.

For sure.

They got in trouble because his desk was in the corner. No, we couldn't stop making noises under the down that I Okay, here we go. Shay had a twenty five. See I was right, he is stupid bad. Larry had a thirty three. Dylan had thirty four. Yeah, one, thirty four is of respectable score. I mean so's thirty three. Yeah right, so I have it up here.

The average Wonderlic score for a chemist is thirty one, whoa an engineer is twenty nine.

So pretty impressive. Okay, but what about Tom Brady.

I don't know what he got.

There were at least fourteen math question Could I just skip completely? So if I would have guessed, I thought that you lost a point?

That that's how I just did you lose?

If you do you remember take any tests if you didn't answer it.

Or I had to take a test in twenty two years, you fucking nerd a b. I thought you would lose. You would you know, deduct a point if you missed one.

You also yelled at me for saying you got something wrong, and you're like, that's not my fault. I didn't read the question.

I didn't read the question. It's not fair. It's not fair. You didn't ask questions either about how is this graded? If I skip a question? Am I penalized?

Oh?

Yeah, because it's just assumed. No no, no, no, no no no.

But you also assume something done.

Like let's say let's.

Say let's say there's fourteen math questions. Yeah, and I guess ABC or d I'm getting let's say, thirty percent of that shit, right right, No, call twenty five. So we got fifteen questions, twenty questions, whatever the shit it is.

So you got a twenty nine. Thank you? Okay, thank you.

You can have the twenty nine.

Yeah, you want the twenty nine. I'll take it, because twenty one is like a cashier, but at twenty nine is like a janitor, right.

Looking right now, one twenty nine is equivalent to a programmer or an engineer.

Engineer, engineer. Yeah, do that, yes, Marv, I'll do that. So, Shay, you got twenty five. Correct? You know who else got twenty five? Twenty four? You the twenty four? Yeah, no, you got twenty five, twenty five, I got twenty five. Yeah. Oh so we've gotten a thirty one. Oh I think that vice president.

I'll take it.

I'll take it, assuming that's scary you being vice president. But anyway, you whole lot better than what we got, brother, Okay. Dak Prescott also scored twenty five. Yeah, your favorite quarterback, all right? Hell yeah.

Also, if you're there's engineers out there that got a twenty nine, I don't want them building fucking bridges and stuff. I got a thirty four, good thing.

They don't build shit, no more designed.

Yes, Ray Brady got a thirty three.

Oh oh, Larry Bird, I'm just looking at my sheet.

Here I skipped twelve questions.

Here we go.

Why I'm just circle something?

Well, I just skipped it because I thought i'd be able to go back to him. And then Ray called me. He goes, you got one minute left, and I go, wait a minute, sir. Forty seven and forty eight they don't have anything to pick from. So I didn't get the forty on a fifty, and I never gave them back. But I have no excuse. I'll take my ma and Tom Brady.

That's why.

Yes, I'm Brady, and I give you give me boy on a point for that, I'm gonna give a wonder.

Like I mean, if you think about like there's fifty questions in its twelve minutes, what.

Between Tom Brady and me'll get to the preposition between guys?

Oh wow, fair?

Okay, uh, Actually it's just one more thing's big news. Actually, I feel like it's typical.

Getting engaged.

By the way I did meet his old lady. Yeah, way too good for him in every way Okay, is.

That you saying I look stupid?

You look like Ship? You look stupid, you look like Ship? Yeah she does not? Hey, all right, anything else you want to mention here?

Oh?

Yeah, the the Chief super fan who got arrested for Roblake going fucking the town style on eleven Banks chief aholic.

Yeah, wait a minute, we're talking about the guy who designed his own drugs and all his friends died at his house.

No different, sorry, different Chiefs fan, My bad. No, but the guy wears like the wolf mask, the whole thing to all the Chiefs games, and he was just like he's stole like a million dollars from banks. Yeah, I don't I thought, like, do you think he wears the wolf mask to the bank robberies and that's how they caught him?

Or I don't know what's that have to do with anything? Well, he's a bank.

Robbery, famous Chief super fan who wears like all Chiefs ship.

And like the Indian Chies, no, like the Kansas City Chiefs. Why is it a wolf? I don't get it. I don't know, and why are we bringing this up? It has nothing to do with anything that we've talked about here.

Yeah, that guy, But he's not a chief I don't know. I thought it was like, I mean, we could have ended it things I like. I know, it was funny the picture of him washing, you know, are.

Pasting Hall and Swift was I thought Taylor Swift was the only Chiefs fan.

I never heard awful radio.

That's it right, No, you know what is funny if you even looked at it, if you took the time.

I guess the wonder lick doesn't prove you're smart or funny down the ship. Yeah, at least people laugh when I speak.

Everyone you mm hmmm. Shane Irving Podcasts Training Room Podcast. Uh oh yeah, that's on Wednesday nights, Shae and Irving podcast. Wherever you get your podcast. Yeah, I'll talk to you next week. Damn, patter takes you