Episode 103: Pop The Top

Gambling was something that I did.

This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat.

And now joined by Bad Larry, Shayan Irving, and Dylan the graphics guy.

I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick.

I'm looking at the numbers here. You guys sucked last week. So Dylan lost a unit, Shaye lost four, and Bad Larry lost two.

That's a fucking bang up week for Larry these days.

Yeah, that's actually a good week for you, Larry.

That's true. My friend's been telling me.

Dylan missed on a big parlay. He missed the Bills game almost. Oh man, dude, you should have changed.

Your bet in the moment.

That is a rule of thumb, as we've learned time time and time again. If all three of us, particularly when it gets whittled down to four games in the postseason, where it's already hard enough to bet them, just everyone flop.

And I never care about the octopus bet until the octopus bet is right there in front of me with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Mike Evans. You almost had the octopus.

That was one like watching it live, I was like, there's no fucking way this is actually happening right now. I mean, like there because you can bet each game for their so you have to bet pick the game for the octopus.

So like you last week, it was a one and four chance of one picking the.

Game and then two it actually happening, and Mike Evans just.

No, we got it. I don't know if it needed it. Mike a future Dallas cowboy, by the way, I think, so, oh it's happening, No it is, Oh yeah, who you losing? Gallup done? Cut audios. Well that'd be a nice pickup for you, and you pick something up after this.

That would be first none one thousand years.

Receiving Cede Lamb would be welcoming to the Cowboys, you know, and that family, that dysfunctional family. Thinking about it, Danny, there's not one Dallas cowboy who stood up for Dak after the game. And that scares me, not a single one. Remember Terry alone was crying. That's a press conference. My quarterbacks, my quarterback, not nobody stood up for Dak. That scares a shit out of me. Did anybody stick up for cd Lamb? No. I think his therapist was on hold

You could have brought them here.

They planned that strategically. The roommate is in Mexico. Did she leave because your parents were coming in? Yes? What are you eating? By the way? Hot dog? That's a hot dog. I got on the side of the road. Yeah, okay, over by the Babylon stand there's a hot dog stand. Oh okay, I thought you went on the side of the road. It was like man truck stop got it.

He saw it driving and pulled over. I saw it on the ground.

Let's see bad, Larry. How's morale? How are you feeling today?

I'm feeling good, Dan. I can't find a winner. But in Providence beats Seaton Hall last night. That's a good that's a good wine.

But that doesn't matter to this. I was just talking trouble here, like nobody cares about Providence basketball.

People who man maybe, thank you, Dylan.

Okay, uh, you know this is why I don't bet bad beats. James Cook over under sixty one and a half. He had sixty seven going into the fourth quarter. His last four carries he lost six yards. He ended with sixty one.

You should get refunded for that.

No, no, no, no, books, No, you deserve you. You deserve to lose.

Well, everyone who's betting deserves to lose. That's true.

That is true. And you guys are prime examples. Hey. Yeah, And by the way, defense defense wins championships. In case you're wondering the playoff remaining teams or the teams remaining in the playoffs, Raven's number one defense, Kansas City, number two, San Francisco, number three, Detroit twenty three. There you go. Yeah, and those are scoring defenses, by the way. And Picture Day Ray, the producer of this god awful show. He is putting a huge bet on the Lions plus seven

Jared Goff arcade gunning.

Yeah, but like an fas Jared Golf.

I'll take it, Yeah, I'll take it a dollar.

General Beatle alcohol syndrome.

Actually a little bit, like that's what you get with your drink when you're pregnant.

No, if I look at you with my bad eye, you look like Jared goff A little bet and you you're in yeah, yeah, you're like sixty three.

Yeah, I'm like six three.

Yeah, So you're Goffian, you're in the golf family. Okay, give me your bet and then we'll move on here.

So I bet between Lions plus seven and lines money line. I have five hundred dollars.

On this game. Oh my god, that's a fifty.

I've been saving up all playoffs and we're never here, so I have to I have to ride with my team. I can't just sit here and watch it happen. I was thinking about this is a gateway.

I don't want to be a gateway to you down five.

No, he's about that.

Then you're selling yourself on the street.

It happened last week plus nine fifty on same game parlay, so I'm rolling it into it. But I'm also thinking about maybe putting it on niners minus seven.

So either way, I'm happy. I don't know what to now.

That's it. That's a that's a pussy movie. You can't do that.

You're never lying that that is that's like the dumb miss logic of all time.

Not taking it, and that's coming from a guy who has some pretty dumb awful logic.

But like they like people were like, I'm gonna bet against my team, so if they wouldn't get somewhere, you're gonna just lose a bunch of money and have your team and be.

Like yay, exactly, Yeah you go all in or all right, I'm doing it.

All right, good unless you're like buy an engagement ring or something.

Oh yeah, unless you really feel it.

I like the money line.

To actually you're crazy. Uh so Picture Day Ray is putting some serious coin, but.

Also not to put a damper on you.

Right.

Jared Goff has gotten deleted by the forty nine ers in his career.

Plus you know, playing outside, they don't they score like eighteen points. Yeah, he hates it. He hates everybody loves playing indoors.

Which I would probably rather do too.

Yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter for mahomes. No, No, we got big hands done. Okay. Capping, I don't know if there's anything to recap. Well. Ravens Texans over forty three. Can we talk about that number please? It says I'm in a loss on that wasn't the total like forty four thirty four? Ten?

Yeah? Okay, Ray, yeah, forty four that's on me.

I'll fix it.

I'll fix it.

Blame the printer, no, misprinted, No, blame the guy who's printing for the printer. That's it. By the way, who brought in the beers? What beers? Well you're not drinking any of course not. It looks like spottings. I didn't have an opener, and I said I need an opener. Shay grabbed it and opened it with his teeth. That's true, because I'm a grown up many.

Yeah, the tooth trick severely as whittled down my right caneine.

It's like sea glass.

Yeah, but that's why, you know, bat Larry and I usually just popped the top, you know, because.

He gets he only drinks twist off beers.

No, No, he drinks can. Yeah, he loves it in the cane. He only drinks in a can. What about does he does love it in the can? Okay, we're so childish, Marvin. Marvin is running the board here. You you can do you want to leave? No, no, no, no, no, no, you say that you're entertained by this. Every time we get done with this, you're like, wow, that was funny, but it's crazy.

But during it, it's one of those I can't believe they're saying this. Yeah, oh, Dan's letting his ride. Yeah, don't take anything a lot worse, that's the scary part.

Yeah, we have handrails on because yes, if if Danny wasn't here, yeah, yeah, we can't do that would be said, So, what's gonna.

Happen in.

Poo? The American patriot, the ex pat living in Russia? American patriot, of course, Ruth Tayler, Yeah, of course. Okay, uh, any other discrepancies here before we move on? Did Ray do anything? Are we going to talk about the presidential odds? I have them? Yeah? VP, Okay, I didn't know. I didn't know. I want to make sure that Ray I have the odds to be the next US president. Yes, and this is a horrible idea to bring this up.

Yeah, wait, Danny well, Dan Carlos al Karraz lost, I know you were kind.

Of I worried about that.

I was.

I watched that match. You had him to win the Australian open yep uh shay you up. You firmed up the discrepancy there with picture Dave Ray. So you're square bad Larry uh. And people wanted to know, and they asked me, is is bad Larry called bad Larry because he's bad at betting? And I said, no, why why are you called bad Larry? To begin with?

Dan, it's been thirty five years. You're not bad enough to do this. No matter what it was, it always got done.

So it was like, you're not bad enough to wait a minute, like you killed people?

Like, what did you do?

I'm not wait, I'm not sad.

It would be funny if she just ended up being a murderer of this whole.

Time, ended up looking at court documents see old up. Okay, so bad Larry, just like I can't imagine what you would do were somebody to go, Man, that is a bad dude.

We'll just leave it at that. Damn, we're not gonna.

You know what, of all the times I've been around you and all the people that you know, no one's ever said, man, if you only knew bad Larry in the.

Day one time he ordered chicken salad.

Whoa dude it's still Wow.

And what you're saying about Marvin A second ago, I sit on his phone. I don't want to interrupt you, guys. I enjoy listens of doing Babylon over there.

We're actually speaking truth, Larry.

Why don't you be part of the show, Larry instead of just listening to the show.

Well, Larry is at an inherent disadvantage.

He is for a variety of reasons, and.

A lot of times I say stuff and you guys don't even hear it. Very I've kind of decided to just listen and give my press.

What is your IQ, Larry? I don't know we should do that? Actually, that would you guys want to do an IQ? Yes?

Right, we can still do the NFL combine wonder I think.

We should do Wonder Lick and then i Q tests corroborating.

But you can do the Wonder lick when you are at the super Bowl. I'm not going to be at the super Bowl, Danny.

You'll be in Vegas, Las Vegas the week that it's occurring.

Supposedly, you'll be in the city that's hoasting this super allegedly. Okay, all right, so maybe we could do the Wonder Lick test that.

Oh, so we're gonna do the wonder lick. Oh I thought that was something else, so sorry, go ahead.

Specially in Vegas. What are you doing? What are you doing? Marvin? Your little son is out there in the green met him. You're gonna get Lorenzo. His name was Lorenzo. Yeah, I called him Bubba Bubba. Yeah, hey Bubba kids sitting on a couch. I was like, what the hell? Yeah, es yours? Yeah, surprise, motherfucker.

Okay, so you met.

Your name is Sena. She was a goddess.

I'm gonna have one just.

I loved her. No, Sena. Sheena Ray, Oh, shout out, Sheena Ray. If you're listening to girl, I miss you miss something awful. What'sould say about her? If she is listening to us? That could be fate? Danny, Oh my second family if oh wait, I take that back. The roommate and all yoga friends. Oh, I've gotten so much ship Danny. She wants you over for dinner just to cuss you out. Oh man, She's like, you know, I

She's one of those who blames everyone else.

No, no, I blame everyone fair.

They influenced me. I mean, don't be I'm sorry. We got the documents right here. I don't think it takes too much digging to find out.

Oh man, I've gotten so much ship, Danny. I just kind of lead you, just a little bit like a horse to water. I agree so well, Actually I don't agree. If anyone's listening to this, I'm forced to talk like this, Am I an enabler? Yeah? Absolutely, it's all your fault, Danny, wrap it up. No, we got to have our picks, damn it.

Okay after that though, but see.

This is why I don't want to come over. I think your wife would maybe spike my meal. No, she'll make She'll make a really good food. She will do that. She doesn't have a choice in the matter. She's biologically driven to make good food, hence the marriage. Okay, but if Sena Ray was available, she can't cook for shiite. You see that kind of girl, Danny. If she could cook, Oh no, she would. She's the kind of girl that would drive you crazy, like you couldn't what could she do?

You mean she you mean with a name like Sena Ray.

Yeah, she's not the kind of girl you bring home.

I'll tell you that if her middle name is Ray or Marie, her middle name is Ray?

Oh she do?

Here we go?

That leads us to be at the area crapstable, I'll be there.

Here we go, three C section scars. It's a problem.

You think it ever got that far?

I don't know.

Here we go a couple of pills later. Dylan is going to lead us off bets this week.

Already, Dan, I was so close last week. So I've got another parlay this week. My Ravens minus the three and a half against the Chiefs Mark Andrews anytime touchdowns score.

It's sneaky good. I don't hate that.

It does seem like it seems fitting.

Right well, going against tough defense.

Tough defense, but that is Lamar's guy. He's been missing him for a while. And then Lions forty nine ers.

Over fifty one plus a fifty okay, and.

Then I'm going under forty four and a half in the Ravens Chiefs scan the two best scoring defenses.

It's a not overthink it kind of thing.

It's just amazing that when the Ravens win, they win big.

It's not they blew the doors off a lot of good teams that last stretch of the season. They killed the forty nine Ers, killed the Dolphins.

And killed the Lions by thirty Yeah. Beat the Dolphins by thirty seven, the Browns by twenty five, Seahawks by thirty four, beat the Texans double digits both times.

And that scares me.

Yeah, oky, good, here we go, Shae in Irving.

I gotta catch you. Okay, yes, you just thought it was ton Wow.

Not bad, miss your Shina my bad China Ray Sinray.

So I'm also taking Ravens my Serena African as a straight bet Lions money line.

Plus two seventy Wow.

It's it's an emotional bet, but I also like it. I think a lot of money is going to come in on the forty nine ers.

Okay, yeah, are you done now? Oh?

No, not done. I was I could taste the octopus last week.

Whoa, whoa salty?

No, it was, actually it was. It was perfectly tender.

Tentacles here what you call them the octopus. Where's he from?

The octopus is garden in the shade, in the shade.

I had in the Lion's Bucks game last week, So naturally I just have to roll it over the Lion's Niners game.

That there will be an octopus means there will be a touchdown. The person scoring the touchdown will get the two point conversion. Correct, that is the octopus.

Okay, and it'll be Jamir Gibbs, whoa hometown favorite. And it makes a lot of sense actually too.

You can catch.

And run.

Wow, okay, all right, No, he's good pass catchers. What do you mean hometown favorite?

Oh we had him on the show.

Oh today, not from our hometown.

I mean, like the hometown of this building.

Doesn't work, dude, No, he wasn't here. He's from Georgia.

All right, Well you can pick that apart. Fuck you guys, all right, I'm done.

All right. That leads us to Shayan Irving. Jesus Christ. I know I got the Ravens Chiefs over forty four because I'm a madman fighting mahomes plus three and a half idiot. I don't care three and a half. I'm not overthinking that. But you'll get no analysis from me. That's actually a smart You and Tony romo. That fucking guy, I don't know.

I don't know, Jep, that was so unsure?

What a fall from Grace Seaton does a great impressive I don't know, Jim, I don't know if they could run their comparence, I don't know.

What do you think? How was he so unsure? And he was on fire? His first was a guy.

If I were making a million and a half dollars for that game too, I'd be freaking out.

But he's going to be doing the Super Bowl Wow Show. All eyes and ears are going to be on him. So now it becomes a bigger story depending on how he performs. You know who his brother in law is. Uh, he's an actor, the dude from Gossip Girl, Chase Chase, Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah. His sister was like a beauty queen out of Texas Smoke Show. Though. Anyway, who uh Niners laying the seven against? Who gives a ship? Niners lines under fifty one and a half? I got the fifty one and a half.

Let me double check the end, it's fifty one and a.

Half good under So you got over fifty one of that.

Happily Dylan put his in yesterday show. I actually try and help right out and like you fuckers.

Sounds like you're helping him out by putting it in. Less than.

That's helping no one.

Actually, Basketball, I got the Ducks laying ten against the hupper gannoscephal Aids s m U laying the one against North Texas. And then tennis, I got a couple of Oligarks fighting each other. Yeah, Aussie Open, baby, Aussi Open. I got VI plus one twenty two. And then Medvedev, who was the president of Russia. Uh, that's who he's gonna beat.

I'm taking the president of Russia.

You would you? Fucking Okay?

That brings it what over the What's visit plus?

Oh he's definitely Russian with a name like yes Mart I'm sorry.

Unrelated to anything we're talking about right now. If Taylor Swift and the Chiefs go to the Super Bowl, So Monday at seven twenty am in Vegas, is she coming on?

Oh?

That would be amazing here. No, no, no, I mean Monday of super Bowl week while we're in Vegas.

Oh no, we got probably somebody else who's more spow.

Oh actually yeah, yeah.

If she make it, my life is ruined because not only is the roommate going to want to watch the Super Bowl, my other three daughters are all gonna want to Taylor Swift.

Yeah.

Absolutely. That's the worst part about Taylor Swift being involved with Kelsey is the women in my life are like, Hey, what's the what's the first down? All that shit, the entire game. It's awful.

If he was, like she was dating like the tight end on the Panthers or something.

Yeah, she would never, she would never. But but why don't why don't you just go out and watch the game? Leave the house? Yeah, why don't they leave the house? What in the hell?

Okay?

Yeah, they could go to a bar and watch it.

It is hot, go to sky Zone or some ship. Let me alone. Okay, that brings us to bad Larry. Who changes?

Okay, Dan, I got the Ravens minus the three and there are four unit bets.

Whoa, Larry?

I know this is.

One first thing. The octopus ray what payouts? You're given a billing on that octopus spect twelve to one, fifteen to one, twelve to one, twelve to one. I'm just gotta write this down. I'm gonna keep track of you guys. You have, okay, minus three and a half.

Again, So that's why you're doing poorly.

No, no, no, no, I'm doing poorly because I don't know. Is Josh Allen the next Jim Kelly. Can't win a get big game? Fourth quarterback game? They where do the offense go?

Where the defense go? They didn't stop Kansas City. Josh looked fantastic, that right, and that laser he threw. Okay, all right, so you got four units Ravens minus three and a half.

Correct, four units forty nine is minus seven against the Lions, and then at two unit two team TS gets six points through adjustice spreads forty nine ers minus at one and over in the Ravens game at thirty eight and a half. I think that's what the line was.

Okay, nothing else, nope, okay, uh odds to be the next US president? Oh yeah, brother, right in my wheelhouse. So it's Joe Biden plus one twenty five, Donald Trump plus two fifty, Ron DeSantis plus four fifty. Kamala Harris is plus twenty five hundred Robert Kennedy Junior the third plus twenty five hundred and Gavin Newsom at thirty five hundred. Do we have vice president odds? Ray, I don't know if we we saw those.

How DeSantis just dropped out?

You did. But but the question is will Trump be in prison and therefore somebody else is gonna get the delegates on the floor of the Republican National Mention. That's the question. That's the bat, that's the actual. Yeah, is Fanny gonna put him away where he can't pardon himself and he's gonna be locked up for the actual inauguration? That's the question. Is that what you want to bet? Yeah, that's the bet I want to make. Those are the only odds that matter. You can't get Sleepy Joe plus

Yes, Marvin, all right, so is this presidency like, is this election more of a I guess.

I'll vote for him?

Yeah? Okay, yeah, that's geriatric abuse at this point. That is what it is from both.

Sides, because also I feel like the last election was not voting for this guy. Again, Yes, that's exactly what it's.

Okay, I have Trump's possible vice president. Okay, ready, this is this is the money, Elise, Okay, Christy no him? Yeah? What are his numbers? What are his numbers? But they just have they just have the list here. The favorite is Christy know him? Then it's Ben Carson chance, then Nicky Haley and then Tim Scott. No, Tim Scott ain't gonna happen. No chance in hell. It's going to be a woman. R would Haley agree? Oh it could be. Yeah, it could be his son, Baron. I don't know, I

Yeah, he's going to be in the league one day, probably, yes, yes.

Ray, Okay, I found the odds. Who do you want to who do you want to see odds?

I want numbers on VVAC and I want numbers on NICKI Haley.

Vveck plus six hundred Nikki Haley plus nine hundred.

What yeah, that's what this on, just what I'm showing.

Give me Nikki Haley half a unit right now, half a unit, half a unit even though she's a neocon maniac.

Wait, what if you use nikkiy Haley's real name?

No, she'll never win. Yeah, or some ship.

It's actually Nick Nicholas Haley.

When does she change her name? And when does she convert to Christianity? That's what her political careers.

Skyrockety, I can pass for this, Okay, perfect, So I.

Just got a hand. Nobody's gonna check this.

No, yeah, he's gonna check this.

It's like Bobby Jendall in Louisiana, like with occasion accent. Oh you ain't full of nobody.

Bobby the me won all.

My I I asked Caitlin de Boor about his accent. He's been there two weeks house his accent in Alabama? You know, I figure after you know, Brian Kelly took Yeah, Brian Kelly, he wasn't there more than the weekend and he was a sugar bear after that.

That motherfucker he was on the phone.

But do you think he was dressed like Huckleberry Finn already, just with the Southern drawl.

Hopefully not like Huckleberry. That'd be weird. Man like Huckleberry fan overhauls, no shoes, walking around his buddy washing fences.

Yeah, his buddy quote unquote.

Wow, Mark Twain would never do that to America. How dare you? The Great Museum Connecticut by the way, Okay.

Mark Twain house and Harford Market. Yeah, he looked at Hartford.

I didn't know that. I know he had a house in Redding.

So you go there and he was like, what should I call him?

I'm lost for her name.

Yep. That's when you get one of those hey, this is in the South moment.

Well, we did a field trip there actually, I think when it was museum Arry.

I want Michelle Obama to be the Democratic nominee.

Not a bad beat. That's a great number.

Huge.

They didn't have it listed.

Well, no, I think they they had the Republican They had the Republican candidates.

Right now, what's big? Mic Michelle Obama's plus five hundred.

That's short. That's short.

That someone knows something.

Yeah, ray, what is she to win the presidency?

That is a tall order efforting right now.

They don't have a number.

I'm surprised.

Can't be Trump. It's got to be someone else.

If it's triple digit odds, it can't be Biden.

I think big Wretch wins delegates on the floor of the d n C. That's what I'm saying, Big wretch.

And I think if there's a whole I think I think he back. I think I think Biden removes himself.

I do too. To Gretchen, it was so valuable they tried to kidnap her. Correct. Well, I mean it wasn't FBI plot, Danny, of course it wasn't. Well, okay, you guys want to pretend like a deep state doesn't exist. That one proud boy told the judge, I have no remorse. He got eighteen years, right, he got, he got six years. That's it. Yeah, Well, I'd be saying the same ship to a judge. Yeah, He's like, I have no remorse, and then sedition my ass. Yeah, that's right. Trying to

It's good to be white.

Yeah, sure, it is fantastic. I gotta I gotta tell.

You now, being black has been awesome for the past maybe like a year, and it's one you've been all right.

Like four hey in your month's coming up, right, yeah, February.

And it's a leapyer, it's a leaker. Twenty nine days.

This so extra day. You're welcome. That's from us.

It's so four hundred years for you, eighteen months for me.

Slack voices.

Voices celebrate whenever big corporations go celebrate black voice.

Hyper capitalism.

Look, you're you're consolidating the contributions of black Americans in this country to twenty eight days, get out of here, twenty welcome twenty nine Oh, never mind, never mind.

My favorite is when people in my town put up those signs, right, no human is illegal, Black Lives Matter Slava, Ukrainia. But then when they ask the town to build multi family housing or to deregulate anything, you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa bro my property value?

What the fuck we're thinking about? How dare you sidewalks?

Who's gonna walk on those?

Think about it, We're gonna start busting kids.

In Okay, and that brings us to a close this week.

Rue Dan pel what Ray Michelle Obama plus seventeen hundred.

Larry hit that. I want that to.

Miguel. You know what, I'll just hop on that for the.

Same Alrighty, we've done enough damage here. Thanks for listening. If you're still listening, Uh, Shay and Irving is podcast I believe is still every Wednesday. Yeah, it's just getting weird, Danny, It's always gotten weird, got weirder. Tell you that. Yeah, see this, I don't know if I can come on. Oh you have to, yeah, but then you'll endorse everything I've said. Good for you. Yeah, you can be a whole Wikipedia page. Your wife is going to come in

Then you could you could do like what shade the coward shade does is obscure your identity and go on the.

Podcast hashtag stranger. You could do that the stranger You got to come over Danny the room, Well, then I would have to as well.

Okay, you didn't exactly sell it to him today though, You're like, she's pissed at you.

Yeah, come over. Well you got to come, you know, pay the piperd I may make her cry, that's okay, Ida. If that woman's felt anything, it ain't emotion alrighty, and that'll do it. So for Shay in Irving and uh Dylan the graphics guy, picture Da Ray Marvin and bad did bad Larry just hang up eat it.

He had enough of us.

Damn.

You just heard the faintest click I know.

He was like, thank you, Larry. Have a great weekend, everybody. We'll talk to you next week.