Episode 102: White On Rice

Gambling was something that I did.

This is Dan Patrick takes a gamble.

One of my bookies died at the Kitchen Table, a podcast vehicle for Dan to talk about his love of gambling. One bet, another bet, another bet.

Without doing the actual gambling.

You're a coward.

It's easy to have a scapegoat and now joined by Bad Larry, Shayan Irving, and Dylan the graphics guy. I have friends.

Here's Dan Patrick.

Anybody in a good mood around here? That's what I want to know. Dylan should be Dylan and Picture de Ray produces the podcast. Dyl had another awesome week, another unbelievable week that he survived. Bad Larry, Welcome, nice, nice weekend.

I'm in a little slump here, Dan.

You are truly bad Larry.

Right now, right now, I have nothing to say. Well you unbelieva. Every've got to make. It's alongside uh Shay is here.

You're up, you know, fourteen units, but you feel like a loser today. I haven't been this depressed since they kicked me out of my second rehab. Wait, you were depressed when they sent you out of there? Yeah? Because I really needed help, Danny, and they just kicked me out oh, why, Well, there were some situations happening with other people in some box. Wasn't missing, no, no, I wasn't getting along with a whole lot of counselors. So I got asked to leave.

Okay, no way.

Yeah, it's weird, I know, shocker. They usually don't tell you to leave rehab, especially when you need help.

Yeah, especially when it's thirty grand a month too. They like to keep you there.

I got a scholarship to my rehab. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. The insurance wouldn't cover it. And I was telling the story to the admissions lady and she was like, holy shit, you're in a bad place. Brother. Let's see what we can see.

Yeah, morally, I can't let you walk out exactly.

You're doing what I was on the phone smoking crack. Listen, lady, Okay, let's recap the regular season final totals. Dylan was a plus twenty, Shay was plus fourteen, bad Larry's plus three. With the playoffs starting, Dylan plus one, Shay minus one, and Larrus minus eight. That minus one is the Cowboys, You know that, right, Yeah, it is. That's one I added live on the show. Yeah, fucking as yes, And I thought you were going to stay away from it. Yeah, I was gonna stay with it. Might be my fault

PSA, what if you consider just being a Texans fan.

Oh, I've considered just going to sleep and not waking up. No, no, no, we're not doing that, so prove that. By the way, speaking of going to sleep and not waking up, Shay is going to join us in Vegas, Danny. The problem is I'll be awake the entire time. Okay, that's the fear. Last week I said, hey, do you want to go to Vegas? Now, you didn't at any point think you're on scholarship. No, you realize you might have to pay for airfare. I'm going to pay for I invite myself.

Dan, I understood all that, and I'm talking to both Casey, my sister in law, and my wife.

What kind of why are you talking to your sister in law?

She was, well, she was in the car with me when we did the show when I said, no, no way, I didn't want to. After I got off the phone, she goes, why wouldn't you go to Vegas for the Super Bowl? I was one of the lifetime things. You should do it. So I dropped her off the airport, came home, told my wife. She said, yeah, go to

Are you out? You were getting tickets to the fucking super Bowl.

I thought we were going to the super Bowl. Yeah.

I invited you to, say, Larry Ball, I invited you to Vegas. I didn't invite you to the super Bowl.

You're not going.

To game are going to the Games Show Friday.

I will defend Larry here slightly, because like I've run into this with people before where it's like, oh, we're going to Arizona for the super Bowl and people are like really, like you're going.

To the super Bowl, and like, yeah, we're going to be there before the super Bowl.

But those people don't have a jobby job Monday through Friday that they have to show up for three hours a day. No, they do at the super Bowl. Oh no, that's what I mean.

Like, no, what I'm saying like out of context, it sounds but I.

Didn't invite Larry to the super Bowl. Invited him to Vegas.

Yeah, yes, Oh you.

Better listen to that tape. It was like, La, you want to go to the super Bowl? But then you know, damn, I think about it. You always came home on Saturday. I've known. I was just you know, I'm driving up the Parkway and I'm just thinking, wow, and un.

Last I'm handed out the super Bowl trophy. I didn't stay because I have to do the show on Monday.

Fair.

That was it.

And you can't do that remotely, No, and.

Especially if you're not invited to do it, that'd be odd. With not working for CBS and saying to jim Nance, I got this Jimmy, Hello friends.

Hello.

Well all right, so bet Larry, Wednesday Thursday Friday. That way you can get there Wednesday Thursday, We'll do the podcast and then you can stay around for Friday and then go back Saturday.

Damn, thanks for the offer. No, I'm not interested in flying in Vegas for three days.

Yes, Rad, I'm not going to foot ball.

Yeah, Larry, you know who would come. Sammy P would come, whoa wow.

The boy would definitely come. That's true. But then I guarantee Angel when I stay. I'm Vegas for the super Bowl. You know, just we just gambled there.

Well, you can stay if you want.

I didn't even you know, I didn't even mention it to Johnny P's.

We're talking about who fucking cares.

I just invited you, Larry, to come out, spend a couple of days, have some fun, some laughs, and you fancy yourself as a gambler, not good at picking games, and you would be able to go out there and play Texas hold them right.

Yeah, thanks for thanks for the invite. I'm I'm out. The other thing is that I thought I fancy myself. I tore that Philadelphia Eagle game apart. I said over Devonte Smith rushing receiving yards, and I.

Said, what does this have to do with going to Vegas? Nobody said, Hey, tell us about the breakdown with the Eagles.

I'm talking about my gamba. I bet over Jalen Hurts rushing yards. It was like forty one and a half.

So I was a lock.

Campa Bay is gonna be blisting them all the time. He's gonna step up in the pocket a couple of times and have fifteen yards a daylight.

He had one rushing Larry, Larry, you missed every one of your bets on the NFL, except for the Chiefs and the Dolphins.

I won one bet. You won one bunch of player props that were horrible also.

No, but you didn't do the player promps on the show, did you? No?

I did not?

Then do not bring it up? Fuck are we talking about? Stop doing that?

There are my two big bets of the weekend, Dan two player props one one and lost one And yeah, I don't.

I'm right, okay, it's sure what I'm betting right now. I'm not sure why you're talking right now. But Larry, bad Larry. You know you can get a hold of Ray and just say, Ray, add these to my list. You always tell me that you got a couple of them, right, You're like the Floyd Mayweather this group.

Or tell me when you win.

That shit hurts rushing for five yards in that game, you, Larry, that's what's worse. Worst loss? Hey, say that's the worst loss in Dallas?

Is all right? Okay? All right? That leads just to this week. And I don't want to hear that, Oh I did this after the fact. I did this. Uh you know with my bookie, privately, we can't do that. You've got to do it for the gambling podcast or tell Ray later and then he could put it in. I want a million dollars, but nobody knows, so Larry, don't do that anymore. You're better than that. I mean, it feels desperate.

I'm not. I'm damn. I'm saying I lost the bet. How does Jalen Hurst rush for five yards in that game? Five yards? He's got a broken finger. You can't throw the ball? Ridiculous?

Okay, Right, you know that he can get a hold of you to make these bets, right.

Yeah, Larry, you can text me literally whenever you want.

And to go back on that, Jalen Hurts has a bad knee, and Devin White and Levonte David can run, So why do you think he's gonna get over forty.

Mmmmm? Okay, we turn our attention to this week, and since Dylan is the leader in the clubhouse, dominated during the regular season, and is off to a decent start here in the postseason.

Dylan, alrighty, Dan, I got Ravens minus nine and a half against the Texans.

I like CJ. Stroud, but I think the rookie quarterback has to crumble at some point.

Okay.

Packers pus nine a half against the Niners. Hm hmm, Lions minus six and a half against the Bucks.

I didn't know this, Green Bay, not that they're gonna make this happen. But their one went away from tying the record for most straight up underdog wins in a single season. Fucking perfect.

That's actually very useful. Ray, I'll take a unit on Packer's money line to.

Fucking nightmare. I'm a flashban Oh that's right. Packers made the count underdogs. Yeah they did.

Yeah, it was glorious.

My best plan of action is to pick up a Benzo addiction so I can forget the last month of my life.

It might be a little late in the game for that.

I have faith in no, because we'll keep reminding you.

You're gonna have to do that forever. Yeah.

Oh no, Okay, So you got Packers plus nine and a half and the money line, yep.

Okay, Lions minus six and a half against the Bucks. Okay, Bill's minus two and a half against the Chiefs.

Yeah, I don't know about that. When I feel like everyone everyone wants the Bills.

Are they rooting four or are they actually picking? I think you can kind of be hoping the Bills beat Kansas City. But is that the smart bet? They're on the wrong show for asking for smart Yeah yeah.

Wait, you just answered your own question. It's a dumb beat.

Yeah, okay, anything else they're doing.

Yeah, and I'm throwing a little prop here Ravens d slash special teams anytime touchdown score plus four twenty five. CJ throws a pick six, a pick six to cover the spread for the Ravens.

Oh damn.

Okay, and then I'm also parlaying the four games against the spread two okay plus about twelve hundred and obviously Dan Tennis, my guy Carlos al Karaz to win the Australia ope and plus two fifty. I think Djokovic is getting heckled the other day, so he's all rattled, m even though he saw a favorite.

Yeah, all right. That leads us to Shay in Irving. All right, come on, let's go give me some come on, come on, come on.

Going to Vegas.

Come on, what's going to be pure?

Yeah, well, the desert does for some purities, but that's always stepped on anyway, niners. The best Payota ever had was in New Mexico, for sure.

Which isn't that far.

No, it ain't that far. What did it do to It? Made me see a different dimension, Danny, like you get you get a button and you get rid of all the needles and you mash it up in a mocha heat day. Uh, and then you put it in a glass of orange juice and you throw it down. Eight hours later, you are a different man. I'm telling you, Wait, how long does it stay with you? Like? Eight hours? Yeah, it's yeah. The Navajos are allowed by law in New Mexico.

I had a couple of times.

It's amazing.

Well, I went to school out west, so oh yeah, yeah, into the abyss from time.

To time, Larry, have you ever done payoti?

No? Damn.

I think the closest you've done is PayPal? I think PayPal? Okay, all right? Uh shay, you're up? Uh used in Texans plus nine and a half, don't care, nothing is real Ravens Texans over forty three, uh fighting Baker Mayfields. I feel like an asshole, but I don't hate Baker Mayfield. Well, I'm a Longhorn fan. I should hate him. Oh oh yeah, horn horns down. The only other coach that gave a shit about that that was Mac Brown. That's it. That's it,

Not But it's a flip.

It's the flip side of all the hook them people like there, that's one.

Of that's not saying O you, that's saying go Texas.

If no one ain't one, whoever are playing, no one ain't.

Yeah, whoever you're playing exactly it's not specifically Boomer Sooner, fuck you because I did horns up. But this is Central Florida colony so corny in that in the handshake line, grow seventeen point favorites came back looker, what I guess Vegas not hooker, Vegas hooker horns hook them El Cortez Hotel. What what else do you have here, Baker Mayfield plus yeah, yeah, we got that all right. And then the bill's laying

Oh no, no, no, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, there's a contract on.

Then you've got to help me out here. Way too much pressure. No no, no, you can handle when you die or we lose you. You're gonna lose you. No, I'm gonna try to disappear and do the night as soon as I hit the tarmac. Danny, good luck. Yeah, you put it better, put a GPS beacon. All all I know is just show up after the show on Thursday so we can do this show. Yeah, I'll do that. I can do that. That's it. Yeah, But I might. I might be in a jail cell I might. Okay,

Yes, Marvin Shay, are you concerned about people finding out what you look like?

Correct? Yes, Okay, I'm not gonna be uh mingling about with the fans, that's for damn sure. Okay, no way, So you won't be close to the show. No, I'll be listening, but I ain't gonna be like there, my hair is gonna be shaved. It's gonna be wait, you're gonna you're gonna have the tattoo be picked out, absolutely, Danny. Every time I go to Vegas and picked out, that

Off, what about the back?

No, your shirts has not come off? Take my shirt off in Caesar's Palace, absolutely and knocked. I knocked out, I did. I knocked down a retiree from Book of retne with with a tray full of chips. I knocked her down because I was high stepping. We hit seventeen. We hit seventeen for like seventy five dollars like it was bananas. They asked me to leave right, They asked for to be off the Brevinces, but I was shirtless. It was amazing.

That's hot.

Come seventeen.

Come James Bond's number.

Baby is Jason Garrett's number two?

Shut up? What's the fuck?

Oh?

Now it makes sense.

Bad Larry. Here we go. The comeback starts right now. Come on, Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry, you're.

Not going to make God I'm not on his visis ship.

You have one. You would not be around Shay anyway, so you would still have fun. You would. I would disappear so fast if I was coming room again, you and your face cap would never make it a night with me in Vegas. You'd have to bring your sister in law too, and the second fanxes.

Okay, okay, two units each game, Okay minus the nine and a half against the Texans, forty minus the nine and a half against the Packers Tampa Bay, plus the six and a half against Detroit. And I think the Buffalo bill spank the Chiefs. Everyone's on.

I know you and Battlaire and me. Oh, everybody's got the same bend.

The thing?

Any anything else?

Anything else?

Yes, I have. Then I have two one unit overs over Texas, the forty three in Texas and over the lines at forty eight and a half. I think that's the correct thing.

It is for forty eight and a half. Yes it is. Does any if anybody want to bet on head coaching odds? Just nobody did this. I got Harbaugh is the big fing favorite with the Chargers, followed by Pete Carroll and Ben Johnson. Panthers Kellen Moore is the leading candidate for such a maniac he might actually do that shit Seahawks Dan Quinn, and then it's Ben Ben Johnson's going to get a job the Falcons, Belichick, and then it's Ben Johnson. Ben Johnson is the second or third choice for every

It's interesting that Rabel is not favored for anything.

He's only he's only up for one job here, and that's the Seahawks, and he's the third favorite there. I would have taken heartbeat with Oh my god, in a heartbeat.

He's such a Cowboys coach too, Rabel.

Would you have taken Belichick? No? I would not have wanted Belichick too old. I don't want these seventy year old fucking coaches trying to I know. I'm good. No.

Yes, Now, today on the show, you mentioned about Mike McCarthy's look. Yeah, Now, is it just him being overweight? Is that would get you?

Like?

He just looks like I think people.

I think people hold his appearance against it. I do absolutely. Now, his eyes are too close and his teeth are fucked.

Jon a really far apart.

Yeah, and he's a billionaire. There you go. That's it. That's that's facts, that's science. I think if I think if you're a zempic proof and you try and tell a team to be disciplined and not have any pre snap penalties, they don't listen to you. They say, well, you want me to stop jumping over the fucking line before the snap, but you can't stop jumping over the buffet line. You don't know that? Yeah? Yeah? Why is hers teams the most undisciplined teams in football. Go back

A problem forever. Why he needs a mustache.

No, he needs he needs a surgery on his stomach to shrink it. You do that too, So he if he was thin all of a sudden, you would think he would be a better coach. I feel better about it. Yeah, yeah, if he had disciplined with putting down food like I'm not a cover girl, don't get me wrong, but I'm also not an NFL head coach. So and Derka, if you were, you would look different. I would be in the weight room NonStop, on testosterone and back on steroids.

Okay?

Uh So Shayan Irving podcast, shit got dark last night, Danny, we did it got real dark. Yeah, see that, you're not really enticing me to want to come over to your house, Like I don't. The roommate demands it, so you got to show up. She's gonna cook good food, but you know it'll be a sadday.

What if I sign off on it?

He's not gonna trust you.

You know. She looks into the show for like a month straight and was like, you're an asshole? What's wrong with you? And I was like, please stop listening. But then her friends would listen and be like, did she really do that? What's wrong with shy?

Yes, Marvin, my wife is really concerned about Dylan in Las Vegas because she knows Dylan and she loves Dylan more than I do. And she's like, so Dylan's gonna be in Las Vegas. I was like, yes, She's like is he gonna be okay.

Well he's got to be working in Las Vegas. Well, he's got to he's got a job to do. What time do they have to show up for the show. They probably have to be in there five five o'clock am at the later.

No, no, not them, They got to be there for thirty us.

Yeah.

The talent, the talent, your talent ed, I'm the talent.

Yeah, yeah, five.

Hey, we did the show and now I which is same? Actually maybe even in there early in Arizona, Arizona, Arizona.

No, the same time.

Sometimes I'm good. I was actually the first one downstairs.

A lot of the times could go back to your.

You didn't go to sleep at all. Yeah, everybody has to. You can have your fun, but when it's game time, it's game time.

I may not look like it, but I am a professional.

Will you go downtown with me? Danny NodD No, because then people are gonna know that you're shan IRV.

That's why.

Yeah, yeah, right, yeah, it'll be like Dan's being kidnapped by some guys.

Wear a beanie. I'll wear a beanie. We go to the Elk Cortes, No roll some three dollars craps. No, yeap, meet some sweet girls by the one dollar slot machines. Just talk to them. That's all. Those are slot machines. Okay, okay, and.

Those are probably a dollar too.

You know what about we close up shop for this week. That is that's that's it.

What Ray got one more thing, huge college football news.

This is big dog go.

Pavilla just committed to Vanderbilt lives on.

What do you mean not? What are you talking about? Vandy's not really sec they're not They're curing cancer and baseball game they should exactly.

They should play an IVY League games.

All right, We're going to close up shop here. I hope everybody has a prosperous weekend and we'll talk to you next week. Dan Patrick takes a gamo

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