Live Q&A on Relationships

spk_0:   0:01
So let's get started tonight Over the years talking about relationships, a sound that there's a lot of common themes. People seem to ask me the same questions over and over again and they think they're so unique. I'm sorry to say this. They think they're so unique. They think that it's so special. There so different. But really they're always the same questions. And so I wanted Teoh. So we have a couple of things here tonight. We have this jar that is still have all your questions and we're gonna get to themselves before you get to them. The first thing is, I want to ask you for permission from a scale on a scale of 1 to 10. Oh, truthful. Can I be with you? One being very superficial and 10 being extremely hard core truthful. Hundreds, hundreds now. Okay, so I hear a lot of tens. That's fine. If I offend you, would that be okay? We're being Is there anyone here that if I offends you, you will be upset at me forever. Okay, I've done this before and people have walked out of my class. I'm just telling you, hate, we can't be hundreds that won't happen. Okay, so if you do end up getting still offended tonight that you walk out. I understand. Is that okay? Are we okay with that? Are we clear? Yes. Well, if somebody doesn't get offended that someone gets offended, do they know where I live? That's a good question. So you go. I was gonna tell you something before we get started. That everything I'm gonna tell you tonight, It's because I truly care. I wouldn't be sitting here talking about relationships if I didn't care about what was going on in your lives. I have lived vicariously for years. Through your successes and failures. I have celebrated many weddings. But I've also celebrated many failures of people. And I know what it's like. I know how difficult it is, how people who are looking for relationships were looking for serious relationships and how difficult they have it. I know how tough it is out there. I feel I feel for you. And so the fact that we're going to be sitting here tonight and we're gonna be talking about relationships. I wanted to be a riel conversation. I don't want to start going through the fluff Aiken, go and present to you all the fluff and all the nice things. But instead I'm going to present to you your own stories, your own questions in your own words. I'm gonna answer them as best they can, but it could be that resulted answering them because it's your question. I'm going to offend you. And I may have to say things that are gonna really love you because relationships are so serious. They go to the core of who we are. It is, in my humble opinion, though, some of scientists and room would disapprove me. It's it's hop, that's huh of It's the most important thing that we should be doing and occupied within our lives, especially in our young adult lives. Now what ends up happening is we spend their entire childhood looking forward to the education that we're going to get. The education we're gonna get is so that we can get a job. I was one sitting on a I was I was 15 years old, and I was sitting on a bus with a friend of mine who were having a existential life conversation. You know, those 50 year old conversations about the meaning of life. Purpose of being here. I saw. This is an elderly African American gentleman. I'm from Chicago, a group in Chicago. So I'm sitting on this bus and this guy's kind of overhearing our conversation in the middle of our conversation. He takes his candy, taps me on the leg and we both turned to him and he looks even. He says you won't know about life. I tell you about life. You're born. Start going to school. Why do you go to school so you can go to more school? Why did go to that school? You go to high school. Why do you go to high school? To go to college where they're gonna go to college taking them or college? Where to go to college, Get a career. Why did get a career? So you have a family, a family so that they could do the same damn thing over again. Life is short. Live it up. Yeah. I don't believe that this man is true. Very, very nice QC thing. But it's not true. It's like is not short is not like Does that make to live it up? Our lives are meant to be meaningful or purposeful. The purpose of living in this world is to make this world a better place. Now there's very many various ways that we can make this world a better place. One of those ways, a primary way is to get married. The satisfaction that two people have in a long term relationship is greater than many other types of satisfaction, and you don't know that until you're in a long term relationship. I can only tell you about 12 years

spk_1:   5:12
worth of marriage, but

spk_0:   5:13
I think 12 years this fee in ages, long enough to know that a long term relationship that satisfaction is so it's so real. And you can't replace that in what's become one night stands. Your whatever else is going on out there. You can't replace that. You can't compare that satisfaction with any other satisfaction. And so how did we do it where we're How do we draw that line in between to kind of put together the web of our of our lives and our relationships, because the fact of the matter is, I told you I'm gonna offend you. So here's my first offensive Think the fact of the matter is, is that you are the common denominator in all your failed relationships. You are the common denominator in all your failed relationships. And until you will take responsibility for everything you have or haven't done, you can't move forward. Is your life grab hold of it? If you've been focusing on your career, that's okay. Just say it. Say it to yourself, look in the mirror and say I have been focusing on my career and I have not had time for relationships of the fact that I'm not married or I'm not in a serious relationship. It's my fault because I wasn't focused on it. Is that there? It's my fault because I didn't get a priority. You see, there are big things in your life. Buying a house is a big thing. Getting married is a big thing. Ah ah, death, heaven forbid in the family, that's it. That's a big thing. Having the child one day. It's a big thing career. That's a big thing. You can't be focused on five big things at once. That is a recipe for disaster so often, Whether you're conscious about it or you're not, you end up being focused on one of those five big things that it's if you're doing to in a year, that is going to be quite overwhelming for you. For example, couples who have to get married and buy a house in the same year it is extremely overwhelming. Or if they're buying a house and having Children in the same year, which is very common, extremely overwhelming, you end up by default, focusing on one. So if you are very career focused, you're probably not gonna be as relationship focused. Which really means because relationship is such a big one means that you're not relationship focused, your career focused and that's okay. So what I want you to do is validate. That's say to yourself, I am really career focused right now. I'm not in a relationship focused. You need to be focusing that, which means if I have something that is for my job and something that is for my personal, like which one is going to take priority now, Of course, you're probably thinking to yourself if your mind's not wandering right now, but you're probably thinking to yourself, bring it all back. But of course I would take I would take care of myself first. Really home. Austin. Are you burning the midnight oil for your job? How often are you thinking? And even if you're not active job, How often are you preoccupied with your job? If the office is leaving you or you are leaving the office, that's a very important question. If you leave the office in the office follows you, then you are clear focused. If you are leaving the office in the office isn't following you. Then you are relationship focused Now in our world, you're talking about things that very hard. No one ever taught us this stuff. No one ever said this Years ago. People knew these things because relationships, long term relationships, a k a marriage was very important years ago. Today it's not as important. We have to be independence, and I'm all for independence. But it's amazing. Women's lib has done incredible things to the world, and I would never and no one in this room, I hope, would say they never take it back. It's done incredible things and progressing women in every way. Besides one relationships, relationships have failed as a result of women's, and it's very hard for me to say very hard. It's very hard to be honest and open about it. But now that we are smarter and now that we're not as worried as they work 30 40 years ago, we now can have real conversations. And we could say, What do we do? How do we we capture relationships? How do we recapture the relationship in the 21st century? In 2017? What are we gonna do today that is going to recapture that? Because it just keeps him going more and more downhill. I mean, just introduction of all of these new dating APS. I mean, just I'm sorry to say it, but the tinder just changed everything. It changed everything in so many ways. Everything is the compass, opposable relationships. So how do we recapture that? What do we do? And people ask me this all the time. Where do I go? Do I recapture if I want to be in a serious relationship hideaway to that? And I think that is the core question that we have to start asking ourselves. I'm not saying that I have an answer for you. I don't think it be fair if I said I had a quick fix. Answer. It's a very working question, and it's a personal question. So ask yourself, what am I gonna do in my life? Number one? What is my priority? What am I going to focus on More than everything else? It could be somebody said before, when you will introduce yourself. Somebody said that I was focused for these many years on my job of my career, and now I'm ready to get focused on relationship. I like that. That's being honest. That honesty is what is going to propel your relationship form. You will. Probably that person people like that are going to be in serious relationship. I'm probably one of getting married. A lot of people who needs who say, Rabbi, please set me up with someone. I get that a lot, a lot and I want to set everybody up. I don't consider myself a matchmaker. You all know bats. But if I could help, help, help, and if it means have to set you up on set you up. But I can't set up someone who's not. Serious news is not interested in the relationship. There are a lot of people who yet hypothetically, they wanna have all I have my personal assistant. I have my personal trainer by this, and I want my personal rabbi to set me up. I can't set you up if to. It's not your priority right now. If you're not serious about it right now, So what I'm gonna do right now is I want to hear your questions. And then I'm gonna go back and forth and hopefully, as a result, over the course of tonight's class, will be able to have some kind of clarity in your lives. This is about you and your life. Those people were watching live on Facebook. You're welcome to, right. I can see your questions so you can write your questions and comments and let's go from there. So I'm doing Is that random? My first question for the evening anonymously is How did we meet our soul mates? Well, in order to understand how to meet your soul mates, you probably have to know what a soul is and what a mate is. I know the person was probably thinking there's a rabbi like into this one to somebody, and I'm saying, Well, There's a lot more to it than just means you do seem to someone. This is what I've seen. I've been involved with a lot of people's lives. A lot of people who said they never get married have gotten married. They got married when they had a mind shift, something changed in their life. We're like it could have been physical change in emotional terms of spiritual change. Something changes, and part of that change in their life is they become they're soul. Their minds and their heart become a little more in sync because so often we want one thing. But we're attracted to something else. So if you want one thing and you were attracted to something else, what happens then The person who could be. As this person writes, your soul mates will be right in front of you. But you have no idea a study that came out from University of Michigan about two years ago and said that, but a time someone is 35 years old, they will have met four people that they could have married. Say that again. You got it shaking of the head. You got it. Four people that you could have married. Could you imagine it? So why didn't you marry that simply because you weren't ready. That acknowledgment so, so powerful. It could be that you're not ready. And that's okay. Nobody said you had to be ready today. But how do I meet my soul mate? I make sure that I'm ready for it. And then you're gonna say to me, but I'll never be ready. True. You'll never be ready. But you could be in the right space to be able to meet yourself. Being in the right space is the family. You have to get in touch with your soul, spirituality, things that you do. This class is a great start, but there's more than that. Just this class. Get in touch with your soul. And then once you're in touch with your soul, you have to think about what it is you're looking for. How do you know what you're looking for? For those of you who have never taken my question here, I urge you to take it. I have a four part question here. I can send it to you after today's class. I urge you to take it. It is a whole process of self exploring process to be able to know what you're looking for, who you are, Then what you're gonna find is your soul mates is your compliments. You're soul mates is not your brother or sister? So many people are looking for the same the same something about these profiles. And I'm like, yes, looking for same. Basically, they're just looking for I don't know what it is that it did themselves in someone else. Now, you yourself, your unique nobody's gonna be like you. The person you're going to be married to say the word married. Is that okay? Is that a defensive here? Sometimes the big M word is offensive. The person that you're gonna be married to is going to be your compliments. What is? Compliments me. I'm gonna give you a little bit of an insight into matchmaking. Compliment means that if you let's just say superficially, if you are in introverts is a good chance you're gonna marry an extra vote. If you're an extra birds is a good chance of Mary Angela. That's complementary. That's good. Because the two of you together, you complete each other. One of you is gonna say tonight we're staying in close but safe. Tonight we're going out. That kind of thing. Just giving you superficial examples. Did you think of other superficial examples? Anyone? What is complementary in a relationship? Yeah, Someone shy. Some of this talk. It's what else? Rational thinker and emotional thinker. Very good. I like that a lot. What else? Someone who's realistic and someone is not? Yes. Often you'll find in couples there's one was very down to earth and one in the clouds. That's fine. If you're someone who's in the clouds, you gotta find someone down to earth. They gotta bring it down. If you're someone who's really super down to Earth, you don't want to find someone else's super down there. They're gonna be in big trouble. What else? Yes, it's probably going to someone's more talkative in the relationship, and someone is more subdued. What else? Someone who spends more. Someone's more frugal. That's gonna be a common thing in relationships. Now, what's interesting is you're probably thinking to yourself, and a lot of people think this, that I'm a little worried now because if I'm gonna marry someone, let's say I'm frugal and someone was a sprint whose suspender then we're gonna be fighting a lot. That's where communication is so important. In the beginning of marriage, I have a whole program that I do with all the couples that I married. So hopefully marital program. It's 10. Session was anywhere between six and 10 sessions, and we talk about these things like a lot of fighting. Talk about you get argue. Those are things that are just semantics that relationships need that couples need in order to make it work. But the nature of couples is that complimentary things. Very good. People need those compliments because if you're gonna marry someone who is exactly who you are, you're gonna end up. Yeah. Most of all, it's not gonna be spicy. Just saying, Boy, it's okay. Boring is a certain extent and a long term relationship. Boring is good, but at the same time you want? Yeah, exactly. Here there's a good one. The Ashkenazi Sephardic. Someone told me this. I don't know. It's the fact as a matchmaker, I can't validate this. But they say the best match is a nationalizing man in this party woman. So they say, And the worst matches I don't know that I've seen that a little bit, but I can't validate that. But I guess people are going with me here. So maybe you have some experience that I don't. So if these astronauts and married a Moroccan, so there's something that is a good

spk_1:   19:40
one right there, you

spk_0:   19:41
see? So we have some good examples, and they definitely work. I definitely know from the couples that I have set up. The couples that I see there are married. Definitely works. What's another example and use the opposite of her? Oh, it's the opposite. Exactly. Yeah, It's the opposite, Sister Mary. And it's hard. It's difficult. It's good. Been together almost 36 year. Okay. Hammer came on Wants. Okay, there it goes. Okay. What happens here? Stays here, right? Yeah. What happens here ends up live on Facebook. Therefore careful. Okay. 3.2 billion. What else? What else? Any other compliments you can pick up. So here you go. So how did we meet our soul mates? Get in touch with your soul and then find someone who's your compliments. That's my answer. Next question. How do you know if the relationship you are in is the right

spk_1:   20:45
one. So no American. How

spk_0:   20:52
do you know if the relationship you're in is the right one? Well, the right one. I'm assuming, meaning that you're in a relationship and you wanted to go to the next level. So how do you know its rights? That's a very big question. It's a very personal question. I don't know if I can answer it. If there's no blanket answer for how do I know this relation for the right one? So there's things that are going to be telltale signs in your relationship. For example, how what's happening to see the problem is in our society, there's kind of no rules of engagement. We need some rules of engagement, which means that we end up what, doing what I called dating to death. A lot of couples get into this zone where were dating for a while. But the problem is that we've been dating so long, but we can't get engaging wrong. Didn't like six months. It will be weird, like I want to say dating all like car so soon. But the truth is that you asked. The couple wants to marry. They're like, Yeah, we knew right away. So why did it take you a year and 1/2 or two years or three years? That's a big problem. So for some people, it works. But for some people, it's really problematic and really complicated for some people. Dane, what I'm calling day to death. The relationship just soured because there is a progress. There's a process to a relationship. You start off in that awkward courting stage where everything is kind of awkward, and then slowly, slowly, slowly. You build up a composer to composer, and eventually you can only become so close unless you so to speak, type of nights. There's only so close you can come, I mean, which means that if you've been in a relationship for seven years and you haven't gotten engaged, you're only only in a relationship with the same time that you've been a relationship. On Day one, there was a process that processes you courts after a certain time. There's an engagement. This marriage there is the process of a marriage of the marriage grows. There's the 1st 18 months of marriage. 1st 3 years of marriage in seven years and 18 years is different. There's different things. All generalizations, obviously. But there's difference. Coins of the marriage. That's how it was not which, if you because you're afraid of moving on. For whatever reason, if you kind of stop somewhere in that process, you can worked in relationship that is very common, I said. I'm gonna find people tonight. So here's a Here's another offensive statement. It's more common. Science has shown, and Children from divorced doubles. If you are from a divorce home, you're gonna have a much harder time being in a serious relationship because subconsciously or even consciously, you don't know what relationship looks like today, with four straight over 50%. A lot of kids come from divorced homes, and they have no really hard time seeing the value in a long term relationship. That's a problem. That's a big problem. We're not seeing them down you on that, because we don't even know what it looks like. We don't have a role model. So three simple things that I would say from X for a child from a divorced home Number one, you should decide you don't even talk to your parents. You don't want to to decide why your parents got divorced. Number two decide that it's not your fault because it really isn't. But a lot of kids were product divorced before the age of 15. Think it's their fault? Very common, because they just don't know better but decides not your fault and number three. Most importantly, you need to decide what you're going to do differently. It's the number one beside while your parents got divorced. If it's true or not, it's just your narrative. You need your own narrative. It's so important. Number two. Make sure that's you know that it's not your fault. And number three, what do you know? Different. What will you do differently? And number four added Bonus. If you can sign a marriage mental, find a couple. It could be a family, a relative, a sibling, a aunt and Uncle Asaf. Grandparent's a very close friends. See, this is what I want. Marriage my marriage to a Blake and then interview them and make them nuts and figure out what makes it tick does in the beginning. You like, I don't know. It's just, you know, a little bit of this and a little bit of that. They're not gonna answer you. But you really want to find out what makes these people tick with that? If you don't see your parents as a role model for relationships, Yes, that applies to you. If you if you your parents are fighting a lot and you just don't see the relationship your parents ever see, What ends up happening is people who don't do that. They either marry someone like their mom or dad, or they marry someone exactly the opposite of their mom and dad. So, having gone through that process, you're gonna marry your own person, and you're gonna be confident and happy about it. You're not gonna marry someone like your mom and dad or the opposite of your mom and dad, which is very common. You'll find that I'm sure you're probably thinking of some relationships, you know, And probably that happens. So the more conscious you are today before you start the process, the better it's gonna be for you. Long term. No,

spk_1:   26:05
not you said 15 year old kid. Unless, uh, would they know how their parents are?

spk_0:   26:15
We're not talking to 16. What? I'm talking Teoh. Yes. So 15 years

spk_1:   26:22
and less, they're looking for somebody when they grow up, they only know their parents held able because they were divorced. So how can you say that? Yes, and they will be looking Somebody like my mom was like, technically, child that doesn't really know them on from one side to the other lights.

spk_0:   26:42
So it's a big problem, and that's what I'm saying is when you get older and you're ready for a serious relationship, What's important is that you create your own narrative. You see stories don't really exist. The narratives don't exist, but they're so important because they define our life story and the way that we're going to navigate the world and people who end up in really difficult relationships and invest. Relationships and relationships that are not healthy often happened because they didn't go through this process and the process could take a grand total of 20 minutes. That's what that's all I'm saying. It's not a very deep soul searching process. It's just going through that if you are from a divorced home or for your parents were in a relationship, that you are not satisfied that it's your kind of relation, need to go through this simple process. And if you are not comfortable or you don't know how to do this, then therapies rates and wonderful find a good therapist. But I would recommend this. Find a marriage oriented therapist? I Actually, when it comes to couple counselling and constant around serious relationships, I highly recommend someone who is currently married. I know it's a lot of great people who have been married. Maybe a widow or widower was fine, but someone who's divorced I would not recommend their divorce because subconsciously they're divorced. I mean, sorry. I told you I'm gonna find somebody. So from of them offending those therapist himself if you're one of those therapists, I'm sorry. So there's okay here. Therapies. Don't say it to the point. The The point here is that you want a therapist. If you need one that is marriage oriented, marriage oriented, meets married or has been in a in their lives in a serious relationship for a long time. And healthy seriously. Well, you don't know if they're healthy. You can't know that. But that's something I would ask the therapist before I started. It will be important question for a therapist. So, um, I don't know the right one. Well, like I said before, it could be that you're 35 you've had four right ones. But you weren't ready, so be ready. How did your in a relationship? I'm just gonna I'm gonna answer that is, if you're in a relationship currently and you won't know the right one I'm gonna say something that you may not understand. Just no s. And trust yourself. Don't convoluted. Don't make it complicated. Just trust who you want. When you know it, you know it and allow the whole person who you are to thrive. Don't be worried if you're worried or your concern. That's normal. Everybody has jitters. Everybody is scared because it's a big decision. But don't also do it. Don't go without making something. It's not. It's beautiful. And the satisfaction of a long term relationship is beautiful. It's OK if you need to go through this process, go through before he down the relationship. If you're in the relationship now and you have to allow the village to progress, don't hold it back. Don't be scared. And please, I don't see there's someone better out there is. All you need is one don't hold out for someone better heat that you see. I hear that so often there's gotta be someone better. There's gotta be. So what do you mean? There's someone better? The person that you're in the relationship with now that's the better. You know how you know because you're in the relationship. Why do you have to look outside the relationship? Why do you have to look for something else if it so if you've gone through my process? And like I said, if you haven't done it, I urge you to email me right after the class, and I've been sending this process. So you're gonna know who you are. You know what you're looking for and you can have a checklist if that person meets everything that your criteria and they're good on paper and the good and chemistry that is the one and that's the better. Don't be worried. Just have that confidence and let the whole spirit in the whole person shine and thrive. Yes, what's your question? So the question is, if you feel that there's someone better out there for you, maybe that's not the one, because that's the feeling. So there's two types of feelings. It's a good question, and what I'll say is there's two types of Felix. There's the feelings that you're uncertain. You don't know that feeling of one of not knowing. And uncertainty needs to have clarity. So what you need is a personal mentor, therapist, a spiritual mentor. Whatever. Whatever you're comfortable with, it could be a rabbi. Your rabbits in of someone like that, someone you're comfortable with, who you can ask that question for. Who can give you that guidance in that clarity. So there's that element of it because you just don't know. And then there's the elements. Were you just not feeling like just something is wrong? So if that is the situation, one of two things could apply either. It could be that you don't know yourself. We don't know what before you could be in that category at the University of Michigan was talking about in their study that you could have been the right one, but you didn't know because you don't know what you're looking for, or it could be that there's some kind of hotel sign that's telling you this is not right. In order to do that, Once again, I highly recommend that you have a personal mentor, someone who you trust, who is marriage minded, who's married, who believes in marriage, who if comes to a situation like that. You can ask them that question and you will listen to their advice. If you have a mentor that you don't listen to their not a mentor. If it's not a survey off somehow since AH family feud started, everybody thinks that everything's a survey. It's not always a survey. Sometimes you need someone who you're gonna be able to listen to you to say yes. I actually have never been in the situation before. I don't know what kind of husband and wife I'm gonna be. I'm gonna offend somebody now also, I'm sorry if I offend you, then you're saying that a lot of people say to me, Well, I don't I don't know what kind of husband or wife they're gonna be, So I'm a little scared, so I'll tell you a secret one, a little dead, how they are around the people. They have to be allowed, which means how they are around their friends is not a good hotel side, because that's easy to be allowed. You come and go. But how they are to their parents, how they are to their siblings. Those air people that have to be around. Usually people who have a good relationship with their parents for their siblings will probably have a good relationship with this for us. Those people that have to be around, we don't choose our family. They choose us. We do choose our friends. And how come with more family and friends anyway? So you want to look at the people you want to get the person. If they have a good if they have a difficult relationship with one of their parents For the parents, it could be a telltale sign. I'm just saying that. Does that answer your question? Okay, sure. No. So I'm gonna repeat it for the people were listening because I couldn't hear you. So you're saying that sometimes you see people who crashed the parents it doesn't mean that they're bad people. It is true there are particular situations. But again, having a mentor who can help you define I'm just giving you I'm generalizing a lot of things. I'm just giving you little things kind of what I said, I would give it a nice Jewish dating secrets. I'm giving you little secrets that our little kind of pointers that maybe will help you point in the right direction so that instead of saying often when it comes to these kinds of emotions were like I don't know what's going on there is the guy with the wind behind me. What's his name? A guy walking around with wine here. I'm just saying So what I wanted to tell you I'm just giving you points or things that you can think about often when it comes to emotions were scared and we don't know why we can't qualify it. You can't quantify it. We can't really understand what's going off. So what I'm giving you tonight here is just simple, telltale signs that are gonna help Next question. And if you have any questions here, please, I'm just gonna go through this. Should you should your heart What is that? Should your article most of your hearts thinking person should should your heart go boom? It's in quotations exclaimed when you meet someone for the first time. So the question I assume from the person who asked It is, Do you believe in love at first sight? This is what I believe I believe Easy come easy go Good things in life takes work. Good things in life are not going to be that now. I do think that chemistry is powerful and there is and there isn't such a thing as love it for sites. But there's if you have 11 1st say you also love at second sight. So love at first sight is not enough its rate if you ever have it. There are some people who do it. It's few and far between. Those people will have it. We can see them. Lucky I would say they have good muscle and good luck But I wouldn't say that if your heart I'm gonna say the opposite. A lot of people are looking for the fireworks. They're looking for the heart to go boom on. What ends up happening is their heart never goes boom. So they not rabbi number One thing I hear when I see people up just didn't be with What does that mean? I don't understand what that means. Didn t what? Is that me? What are you looking for I. I wish that I could just have this little mechanism that's like push a button and that this is the one I don't really understand. People are looking for something that doesn't exist, and that's the problem. If the fireworks didn't exist, if there wasn't that spark and the first day for the first meeting, it's not good. I want to tell you there's never been Americans. It never, never is a big word. There rarely is the first state in history. That's not awkward. It's supposed to be awkward. It's an awkward situation. You take two people, that whatever, and you put them together and it's gonna be awkward. So what ends up happening in our crazy society is everybody says OK, what am I gonna do? I'm gonna destroy that by having a dating app. I'm gonna go swipe right, swipe left and that's it. And destroy that awkwardness because there was the awkward writing of eating out. It's still awkward. It's always gonna be awkward. There's no way, and very few people actually have that. What is called in this question, the boom, so love at first sight is not good without love at second sight. So why do you need love at first sight? If you have it good on you might. It's your muzzle. That's wonderful. That's amazing. But if you don't have it, you're probably along with 99% of the rest of us I went to. The questions were never answered. So you're saying that you always thought, I'm just repeating it for the people here. You always felt that in the first date, if you felt calmed, it was a tell tale sign. It's a good, telltale sign because it's a pleasant person, and you wanna It means that there's something here, but it could be that you'll be off won't come because it's your nerves. Not that person. Nothing to do with that person. But But I would say that is a good little secret. A little good telltale signs. Yes, since we like we now dog genetically, there is genetically that can be like genetically change your beings, like the red, green and orange on the forehead of the Jews. Green. Perfect, my good, in my humble opinion, is there still a god in the world that way? Creates not everything can we creates by the way for people who are worthless who were watching on Facebook. You can ask questions of the year in here, and if you're also watching and you want to come join us, come down and join us right here, said Science. And I'm able to make perfect matches a lot of emotion. I like that. I have always been so many people in this room, in the medical fields. They must be Jewish. You there is anything, right? I'm sorry, Teoh. I'm not saying anything again. But there is a thing, right? Visually, it's way through the people in place, but we'll talk about this later. Here's my next question. What is the risk of marrying or dating someone less religious than me or not religious at all? If I care about tradition, I'll say that again because that's a really tough question. What is the risk of marrying or dating someone less religious than me or not religious at all? If I care about tradition, so it's you take my little questionnaire, you're going to see that there things that you have to decide that are important to you if religion or tradition with I like this word tradition of tradition is important to you than that's importance was a non negotiable. Now, if the person is not currently traditional, does that mean that you can't be married to them? Well, it's a very tough question. I have to generalize here because we're in a group setting. But every single the answer to this question is gonna be very individual tradition. It, if it's important to you, is very important. But on a generalizing matter, if a woman is more traditional than a man, the couple will be more traditional. The man is more traditional than the woman is going to be. Some clashes there. I'm not saying it hasn't worked. I have counseled many, many couples through that where the woman is less traditional than the man it has worked. It does work, but generalizing it's It's more complicated generally because that's just the latest. So if tradition is important, when the person is anti tradition, I would say I would stay away. The person's anti tradition, if the person is indifferent about it, depends on what level tradition, if you are someone who is, let's say religious and that they just experience is very important to you. Then you're gonna have to find someone who is open and just anything you can. You don't want to get into a situation where you're living two separate lives. That's not fair. You don't want to say, Oh, well, you do the synagogue in the morning. I'm gonna go. Yeah, so it does. It does work, and I think it's impossible. I'm generalizing here for the sake of this conversation. It's very individual. I have guided couples through it, and it does work. But generalizing it. If tradition is important to you, I would say If it's on your list of top five, then keep it there and make sure the person feels the same. Yeah, and more religious? No may assume. Always gonna change the change, right? We changed this much off course. People. Anyone here in Facebook that has any questions? I'm court here it is the common shares. Affections. No, sorry, everybody here, we're just having We're having a conversation here, but we'll get back to you soon

spk_1:   43:08
has. But at some major two my sets, which it wasn't funny, the money's I think it's very I

spk_0:   43:37
think it's I think it's a very it's a very good. I think that your story is an exact is an example off how it could work. Then it's possible. And I think it has to be. There's certain things that you got with on a case by case basis and that you have to know that your life is not a generalisation. It's not a study, its individual and it's personal. Better pick control of its That's my statements. So my next question here, Ready here? Where's my husband's? What voodoo magic can I do to bring him closer? I don't know who do magic. I don't know. If there is a voodoo and magic together, we'll be It may be an oxymoron on its own. All of our questions together. Where's my husband and hung tonight? Bringing closer. That's a great question. So I'm gonna I'm gonna answer this question in a very different way that I've actually all the other questions here tonight. I'm gonna see that there's actually what we call this a part of notice in the room. Single oats. There are certain things that you could do to bring him or her poster, we believe is juice that those things that can dio so the regular used to answer certain people and tell them things that they could do. So I'll give you a list of things. The rebel often told people that are spiritually things that you can do to bring them closer, which is, I guess we call Jewish who do magic Number one is to to take on a mitzvah of some sort that is beyond your means, something that you would never do but do it saying, I'm gonna do this specifically to find myself it. You take on one that's a well above something you never do without it. And you say to God, I'm doing this as a vessel because every blessing in your life needs a The vessel is spiritual and a physical vessel. So you're taking on this miss for as a physical vessel for the spiritual blessings. Number two is there's difficulty getting charity. Give charity every citizen one of giving charity every single date. Denominations of e team. It's in san taken dollars, whatever it is, but give it every single day. And then there is a special is giving charity to a needy bright also that is considered or if you know of a needy bride or someone getting married. You should actually offer to physically help that physically help them with their wedding. Not with money. If you can't do money, but actually physically say, you know, what can I do to help me prepare for your wedding? Can I be your your assistance during this time and just being involved with that bride or groom in the wedding preparations? That alone is very powerful. Other things that the rebels said that you could do that would help bring that person closer is you can take on a particular study a tourist study that again, something you probably would not do on your own. You would just wake up one morning. I'm gonna do this when you take out a daily ritual of Torah study and you say that I'm taking this on on a za merits or as a supola or in order for me to find my soul mate. And there's list if you actually have a list that I wrote full of all different super loads and things, that the river had treatment people about things that they could do, and there's about 40 or 50 things on that list that you can choose from if you like again, after the plastic emailed me and said, Do it after becoming become so so second nature that you're doing it. But these are things that you take on your things you take on specifically in order to be able to find t to find your soul mate. And again, you wouldn't do it regularly. Wouldn't be something that you would be interested in regularly. But you're doing it because you're trying to bring down a blessing that is greater than regular blessings. We all need that vessel. Think about if you want us forgot, you have a blessing that were holding. I mean, you have to go. If you want a blessing, you have a vessel that's gonna hold it. So it's that simple. You have to figure out a vessel, a spiritual that so that's big enough. That could hold a blessing and my humble opinion, never just one of those big things that needs a big vessel to hold it in a lot of ways. Okay, here's the next question. Someone on Facebook said, Can I ask you a question? Please? Please ask a question and I will answer it. Absolutely. This is, uh, we can we can all benefit from your questions is what does Romney Bernath belief in luck in love? Or do you make your own luck in love? I think there are some people who have muscle, have luck and they're going for whatever reason, things they've done vessels spiritually things have done in their life. They actually have a certain one of my cell. We know there's certain things that they've taken on, and as a result they may have an easier for whatever reason, that others in other people having a little harder. So I do think there's some people who are luckier than others. But I do believe that everyone deserves

spk_1:   48:57
to be happy and to be

spk_0:   48:59
in a serious long term relationship. And it's our job to take our life in our

spk_1:   49:03
own hats and to make that happen. It's not gonna happen by

spk_0:   49:07
itself. I don't believe today. I I've always said I don't believe in the share is the sheriff needs to know that that destined one or the soul mates. I do believe that it s only, but I don't believe it. Just gonna come to you I believe you have to do things that work to make it happen. It's just not. You can't just go and put the covers of your head in your bed and expected something you're not. Do you have to go? I need to go out there and do whatever, whatever is necessary

spk_1:   49:33
to make that happen.

spk_0:   49:36
Moving right along, if you have any questions, is it's very quiet in the room. So please okay, here's a great one. How do I know if he or she is marriage material in this city? You could probably

spk_1:   49:56
ask me, and I'll tell you what was wrong. I don't know what's wrong.

spk_0:   50:04
How do I know if you're sees marriage material? It's a really talks thing to know, but you need to know what you're looking for, and you need to be able to see the telltale signs that so if you know what you're looking for, there's a lot of people who are not marriage material. But when they find the right person to become, that also happens. So I don't think it's fair to say this person, maybe as it passed or something that they may be dated. A lot of people could be, but it could be. They weren't ready. It could be, wasn't the right person because of timing is everything. In Judaism, we believe timing is everything. So if timing is everything, then it could be a now's the right time. So it could be they weren't marriage material before. And now they are marriage material. Next question. And please, once again, people on Facebook, you're welcome to us as well. What do you do when a girl doesn't want you? But you know she loves you. I don't know what that means. What do you mean? I think that the person who will this question with all due respect, I told you I'm gonna find people today. You need Teoh. Figure out

spk_1:   51:06
what's going on in your lives. So you

spk_0:   51:09
need Teoh if you are so I'm assuming this person like that. It's anonymous, so I can call you out so you can hear me and everyone else could benefit from this. I'm assuming this person is infatuated with someone. There's a lot of people. This happens where people can't get married because there's someone was taking over their minds. They were they dated someone or they were in a relationship and it ended very sour. We and they literally are still there. They're still there. They haven't left that relationship. They think about that person constantly. They factor size about that person. That is someone who is still in a relationship. It could be The person hasn't thought about you in years. If you still think about them, if you are. If you the person was absent this question, it means that you need your stops, you're stuck. And that's okay. But acknowledging that is really amazing. And therapy can help. That of a mentor can help that a little bit of soul searching and change can help that. But this is someone who is stuck. I still feel really very tough. Relationships are tough. Next question someone else is a question. By the way, do you want to be anonymous? Also, what should I do if someone tries to introduce me to someone who seems great, a great person. But I don't find them good looking. So I'm not gonna repeat that okay from you don't find them looking you someone to do so to someone or you don't find somehow in all of magazines that are sold in America. People not getting in US weekly accounts for a second. You 2%

spk_1:   53:08
of all mega success. How

spk_0:   53:11
many magazines earlier, another thousands. There's thousands of magazines, and those two magazines or those kinds of tabloid magazines, accounts for 72% we have in our society and under a realistic look of what the person that we're going to have to walk down rectal I don't know if you're ever going to walking down the red carpet, and if you are whoever that person is, I hope they love you. And I hope that you don't look at the celebrities as good examples for relationships because very few of them could have. Good. Exactly. And we live vicariously through the movies. Romantic comedies are the most popular genre savvy. Horrell is the most popular. John Sorry romantic comedies is Number two. Romantic comedies are great because there to our relationships. So if you wanted to our relationship, look at the romantic comedy because it has a beginning, a middle and an end, usually into Alps. If you want a serious long term relationship, don't look at the movies, but here's the problem. A lot of people are not here listening to this. So where else you gonna find that relationship? Advice besides the tabloid magazines and romantic comedies so happening is subconsciously subconsciously, we are getting our relationship advice through these mechanisms that are not helping us, and they're not working for us. So if you find the person is not good looking, I have a humble opinion and it's a generalization. Please give what is a couple clock you're gonna do. Didn't really even trying. They may be good looking at a second time if they chemistry were pulses you. That's a different story. If you can't find the chemistry, now can issues a funny thing, because a lot of people, according assigned to the doctors and the tummy. But there's apparently these people have heightened levels. Electromagnetic energy, they call themselves. That's what we call attractive. They have attracted energies about them. The popular ones, the ones who were popular in school are attractive because they have these heightened levels of Dominican energy. That's true about that person. Doesn't necessarily mean that they're attracted people who that you want you so that attraction could be that that is not, you know, that is not that countries that happening right away, so it may take some time. Every relationship is different. Every situation is going to be different. So it's not fair for you to judge on first sight. I like to say in my perfect world, blind dates are the best. I if I have a choice of how to set people up, I was only set up blind dates. Actually, I did it for you. I did it for a year. I only said a blind dates on my success rate was 80 80%. People got married four years. Four years ago, three years ago, three or four years ago, I did a one year I did a test of only setting up blind dates and people got married more than any other year I've ever had. I had tremendous money because there are so many factors that put that that face looking, walking tonight looked around the room. My side Come on, don't tonight Like it was nice. Really? Come on. I really just came together. Rabbi, I didn't meet anybody. I know, I know. You only came to have the rabbi you company. That's wonderful. But look at what you did to face. Look at what you do when you're swiping right and swiping left. It's a face that's not fair. It's a person is a soul,

spk_1:   56:59
that a real person with the heart in the minds who actually could be your soul mates. It

spk_0:   57:06
was probably someone special out there, but just respecting while you were sleeping around how many people I set up and they're like, I know that person. Really? What do you know about them? You saw them in an event for two minutes. You look at their face, you know that you don't know anything about that. And because of these kind of situations, I often have a very hard time, especially in a city like Montreal setting people up because everyone knows each other. No, you don't. And if you went to school then when you were seven, it doesn't mean you know that, either, because I hope that by the time they get become 30 23 years is a lot of time to put on the change. They're not the same person. They weren't when they were seven. That's why I find the people who come to Montreal with no history. No baggage that much easier. They school them in its ballistic that I'm just saying it can be done. It's tough. Don't judge a face by a face. Don't drive digital rights covered. Don't judge a face by face. Next question. Theme. Long distance relationships work. Oh, efforts in a lot about this. Anyone who reads my articles, you know, I've written a lot of longer, so I do think there are many longest in which is that working many of adults what I do. I have two problems. First of a lot of great things about long distance relationships, because the fact that they're not, they're not physically touching. By the way, my humble opinion science can back me up on this. I know that you expect us to hear this from a rabbi, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Physical touch distorts relationships. You think it's love when it's list. It's very hard. I know it's very hard in our society, and I know that that's a very difficult statement to say. And I know what you're going through. You know what you're thinking, but physical touch will distort the relationship. It makes the relationship mawr impassioned much quicker, and what ends up happening is two things. Either it or it becomes very intense and you get really distorted

spk_1:   59:16
and you don't know what to do about it and you

spk_0:   59:18
get really confused and the whole thing becomes really conference. Now I know it's very hard to get out

spk_1:   59:25
of that and I'm with you. I live carries out of chips and a

spk_0:   59:29
lot of relationship. I wish it wasn't that, because we will discuss the relationship. So the fact that the longest long distance relationship could be good because it doesn't have that now it's also bad because it could be strung along very easily because there's certain fantasy level to it. There's a lot of there's a lot of things that don't really exist that can come up in a long distance relationship. Also what I don't like. People meet long distance

spk_1:   59:59
and they took a long time

spk_0:   1:0:00
to actually meet in person is a person we may see on Skype or FaceTime or even on the phone is not the person you see in real life. So I recommend the following. If you're in a long distance relationship, if you meet long distance, you can have one or two or three phone or facetime dates, and then you must get into a city and meet each other. And then you can continue from lungs again. But there must be within the first week or two a. A physical city where you actually seeing each other? Because that's that's where the chemistry, the chemistry face times wonderful Facebook. Live this great. But the chemistry is not there like that. People were watching Facebook live there, listening in the great, but it's different being here. You can all agree. That's why you're here or not. Facebook lives and people on Facebook live Look, too. But the reason why we're here because there's a certain thing about being together in the same palmistry. Okay, next question. Don't make last year. Yeah, the last three years I'm currently speaking with someone and I cant tell if I'm in the friend zone. What should I do from what happens? Yes, I hear this a lot. The friend zone. This is It was like a TV show that starts must be friends. Okay, there is for the friend zone. I don't have friends. So why is everybody looking for the friends zone. Why is everybody trying to relationships Need that kind of passion? Chemistry? Don't try to make friends Platonic relationships don't work. I mean, they're greats. Yes, I said that I was gonna offend people tonight, right? I said I was gonna Can I Can I? I'm gonna offend some people. Women in the room. I'm gonna generalize you. Can I offend you? Like permission to offend you? In a way, they never been offended before. As as a people. Yes. You can hurt me back and fight on its but I'm still gonna offend you. Just Are you ready for this? And that there? Are you ready? It's disgusting. No women in the room. I'm going to send you and I asked permission. If you're a woman on Facebook when you're watching, I can't see me. Permission or not, But I got permission from the women in the room here. So I'm going to find you when it's gonna works. And you can fight me on this. Do you already owe set up? There's an excitement in the room that there hasn't been before. There has never been a man in history that was friends with friends, friends for something. We'll be friends. There has never been a man in history that has been friends with a woman. I'm sorry to tell you this. If you think he's friends with you, he's not okay. I I'm not gay is give a story waken go there. One of the questions come out. It's a big question. It's a very big question. I think that what I'm going to do is I'm going Teoh. As the weeks go on, I'm going to dedicate a class just to this because I think it's a really important topic. It has to be discussed. You're saying You're seeing that there's guys their offensive closing extracted. It could happen. I have to generalize, Gerald. I've never seen and I've council people. I've been around ice. No way. I think it's a very tough, very tough topic. They It's a very tough topic. I know that you're having a hard time adjusting it. Let's digest it. Let's talk about it in the future. I think it's very important. Maybe the enterprise, as if you have some time, we'll go into a lot debate on it. But I want you to think about it because I'm gonna continue the offense and I'll get to the men soon. I'm equal opportunity offender. Jake, this is happening. And 60 58 Sherbrooke in Montreal. He just asked, Where is this? Um that I'm I will say that to the women in the room. I have a friend, a man before I have to offend the man before I offend the women again. People are saying that Facebook it's not if it's if it's simply not shoes. See, the women have a very hard time handling this, and I understand it. I'm not gonna offend them twice. I'll offend the men first. I'm gonna send you guys. Let me get Let me get to a question. It's offensive to limit. So to answer this person who I'm assuming is a man, I'm just making an assumption here. If you're seeing someone, you can tell if you're in the friend zone. My my answer is my. My answer is that friend zone is a very difficult thing that somehow became so prevalent in our society that we just want to become friends with everyone. We think that as a result I do see I do know couples and friends, so to speak so they say. And then they ended up becoming defended, getting getting married as a result later on. But generally it's not. It's not true. If I had the generalizing, it's not true, and I really would avoid Friend Zone as much as possible, because you also eliminates the opportunity that you have for romance and for the passion and for the joy of that long term relationship by just trying to make it all comfortable. It's not supposed to be comfortable. It's supposed to be a friction. They're supposed to be a romance. They're supposed to be something more to it. So you're gonna cheapen it by creating a friend. Audits. Sorry to say that that was that was half offensive next one. How much do I need to know about someone before I can trust them enough to get married? That is really, really good question. It's a really good question. It's a lot of elements to this question. Number one is you need to you need to make sure that you know who you are and what is important for you in a long term relationship, and if you date someone and you check off so to speak all those checks, then you're OK. And if you're not willing to check off all those checks or you're confused about it, then you need to have a mental. So the best answer I can give you is have a good mentor, someone who you trust someone who can give you really good advice, someone who you're not scared off someone who you listen to and that mentor we'll be able to know if you're ready to get there. Actually, in the religious world in the religious dating system matchmaker, that's their job. Their job is to be able to be that kind of go between and they figure out if the couple's ready and then then the kind of encourage that kind of getting to know someone enough. But I think there's a lot of in our society. There's a lot of things that people want to make sure they know, which may not be important. There's always a certain gamble. I'm not gonna deny that I was talking to somebody earlier

spk_1:   1:8:23
today about that.

spk_0:   1:8:23
There's always a certain gamble when it comes to getting married and it's a big commitment. It's a very difficult thing but okay, for a long time, I was afraid of driving. I just didn't

spk_1:   1:8:38
want to drive. I was scared of the road, and, uh, when

spk_0:   1:8:44
I got engaged to my wife, she said, I'm not gonna marry you unless you not. Yes, So right after we got a glance up, I asked, asked the question that we got engaged for anyone knew about it. She gave me my first driving lesson and one of and so one of the one of the things she said to me during that time, she said, Stupider than stupid people. Then you have done this and it was a stupid It's It's not about stupid. People are nasty. It's about the fact that there's people who have done it and they've been successful. These people don't have a successful, and I think in our society was scared and just don't have a hard time taking that plunge. But it's not. It's not. That's good. It's scary, but not that scary. Where you don't want. People have had tremendous joy and satisfaction from a long term relationship that you can't get, so you may never know enough about them, and they're always gonna be a certain gamble to it. But at the end of the day, if you have all your checks chats, then it's OK. You can say yes so

spk_1:   1:9:58
you could ask the question and

spk_0:   1:9:59
make sure you have someone who's gonna help guide to make sure that's possible. Let's go there. Next, get anyone on Facebook that wants to ask the question. Please ask. We will take your questions, too. Why aren't there more dating events that are single, lonely and just involved people meeting each other without a lecture? So I will answer that question by saying, I'm very against speed dating you ever. For someone who was so into relationships and do so many things and have set up so many couples, I will tell you, I think speed dating is a bad idea. A lot of levels. First of all, most people end up showing their worst face. Also, you meet somebody for three minutes and you say the first you walk in. I've been all these feedings. I analyze the speed in English. Here is how it starts walking your like. There's nobody here for me. Number one. That's the first thing Now I'm not saying that no one's met in this speed dating, but few and far between. So first thing they say is there's nobody here for me. So guess what? You are your own profits. It's gonna be true. At the end, there will be no one there for you. The next thing that's gonna happen is you're gonna make sure that you figure out every reason why everyone is not for you. So when I suggest this person you met a speed dating that which often happens to me, you're like when I met them in a speed Dating is not for me. So how do you know that on you decide. After three minutes, you decided that they're not for you. Of course you got for you because you already decided before you even sat down with people across from them that they weren't for you and the whole things. The whole thing is someone just said here and there needs to brag about 10 bad dates in the same night. Thank you. But, uh, I think that I don't know that some questions, certain things, like I think that speed dating is a really bad idea. I think that there's ah few and far between. They've actually got married. And it's there's other ways of dating now, how to do it. I think that the best way, best way meeting in our society is shared experiences where there's no pressure to meet because for some reason in the Jewish community, especially, there's this idea that I'm gonna marry someone Jewish. So therefore, every time I see a Jew of a just like well done, this could be the wine. Well, there's always like little sparks and things and little frilly things that happen around this. The congrats button on Facebook. It happens with balloons and little things. And all of a sudden this is it. This is it. This is it. This could be one at the same time that that happens, all the guards go up there's like a big salad brick wall that goes between you and that person because you've been hurts in the past. Some of us many of us have been working the past, and you don't want to get again. So you had your defense mechanism, big defense mechanism that goes up that is saying No, no, no, no, no. So you are going to be your own profit and you're gonna answer your own question. That's gonna be No, no, no, no, no, it's not gonna happen. But then, so what we have to do is we have to figure out a way in a convoluted or non convoluted way to take away that's that's so the speed date ings, all of these things you have to just create events and so shared experiences for blind dates also work because they're so awkward that they work. But I've thought about this a lot, and anyone who has any ideas, we want to have a lot of different types of events this year. That's really important to us. And we want to have events that gorgon, actually, because a lot

spk_1:   1:13:50
of people want to meet, you want to

spk_0:   1:13:51
create into civil take those kinds of things in a way that actually works with people. We've tried a lot of things over the years. Some things that worked. Some things have it looks. But what's really important is that we figure out ways that people can meet with having that Garda or that pressure wind this work also just saying okay, face to face, supposed on the Internet is a great question. One has nothing to do. They're not mutually exclusive. They could both work, and they could both not work as long as the guards matter. That's the problem. We have our guard up, and that's what's hurting us more than anything else. I have some questions here, Rabbi, despite all available dating APS, Why, then? More and more people have a hard time finding their other half. I have the same same question. All these ways of meeting today. Always dating apps I find the same people are good, were around. These are often the same people that are on these dating things in. The problem is, is that the Jewish community especially very segregated, especially here months ago, and a lot of states of their like little things, and they think that they went to their one little event. That's gonna help, and I think that you have. You have to go everywhere and you have to. You have to figure out a way to kind of mold. It planned all the communities of people because there's a lot of Jewish singles in Montreal of all ages that are not meeting some of them not ready to meet. But even those that are ready to meet their not always going. We have to figure out leases getting together, someone to sit here when the mixer or a mixture of single events. Someone else says that somebody like their mother. That's I have a bunch more questions here, and then we'll gets of other questions there, and then we'll end well in the evening. We're already a little over time. Is that okay? We still good, You guys getting tired? Should we end? Let me just pull out all these things and see what else you have over here. And let's see if we can have a final question because I have a bunch here. Yeah, someone asked the thing about there's someone better for me. I already answered that question. Love at first sight again came up. Someone asked here, How important stages a healthy ideal age difference. I answer that in one of my articles with dangerous news. I could send that to you. If you have that question, you can ask me. Consider that answer to you, it is said, is a great ending for tonight's and thank you for bearing with me or it is said that women fall in love faster than men. Is this true? Actually, studies show that men fall in love faster than it. There's been many studies that have been done on this, so that is not true. And usually men know if they're in touch with themselves. They know before the women and the women take a little longer because women are more great men in a matter of black and white. Look at some studies Harvard study that came out in 2000 for talks All about it. Andi, I think that I'm falling in love is actually, even though the romantic comedies played out as a woman's thing, it's actually more romance than men. Generally fallen women have to be loved, and they need that reciprocal, and they need

spk_1:   1:17:13
that appreciation. I need all those things. It's much more greats, much more

spk_0:   1:17:17
things. I'm not want to insult women. I will insult them by saying guys, we go wait up. This is a wonderful world out there. Women, our relationship beings men are not relationship beings. Guys at work partner, the men has to go after the woman in our society. Women often going after men. Don't, man, you're never going to stay married. If you don't go after your women, you got to go after her. She's waiting for you to go afterward and do it. I will offend you as much as possible. I will offend men about this from today to tomorrow. They must must pursue the women. You will not stay in a long time, but you have to. That is the nature that is, that the whole entire part of the relationship itself is there's a giver and a taker and the whole dynamics. The relationship is the man used to pursue the women, not only in the dating process, not only the courting process, not only the engagement process but also in the marriage process. So it's just the beginning, and that is the way that the world is meant to write. You know, it's hard for a lot of mental here. I know it's very difficult for a lot of to really understand. But women are relationship beings. They're by nature relationship people. They are the ones that are the glue. They're gonna get relationship together, which means the man has to work harder. I'm making the relationships start and making. It works that now that I have truly offended everyone in one night, I thank you very much for coming. I would love to hear your feedback on tonight's. I'd like to continue this and do more of these. I love to hear your feedback. You know, You know, you don't know how to find me. Find me on Facebook. That's the easiest way to get a hold of me. Is on Facebook other ways or by email, or call me or whatever it is. Text me, but I really appreciate you being here and sitting here through this. I can't believe that really city and I wanna afflict this. So it's amazing in a crazy thank you very much for being here, and he's out.