Hello and welcome to Mind Your Money with me, Cheryl Goh here on CNA 938. Now we live in a high cost, high pressure society that is Singapore and uh it's become so that financial transparency isn't just something that's practical in relationships nowadays, it's romantic. Singles on our little red dot are apparently rewriting relationship rules focusing on shared financial goals like home ownership, long
term stability and building wealth together. So, Is financial compatibility the new must when it comes to relationships, that's something we're discussing on the show today, uh, with Dilbert T, CMO of Coffee Meets Bagel and also Sebastian Seber, CMO of Cyph. Uh, welcome both to the show. Thanks. Yeah, alright, let's start with you, Gilbert. Tell us why financial skills are the new it factor when it comes to seeking a partner in modern relationships.
Uh, well, to start off, Coffee Meets Bagel is the place where people look for serious relationships, and the thing that I would say is fairly consistent is Finding a serious partner is all about finding shared values. We see this in the data where more than 80% of people agree that values alignment is the most important thing. Now, what those values reflect.
Or what those values mean can change over time. So in this day and age where financial literacy with platforms such as Sy making things a lot more accessible, making things a lot easier for people to take on these values can adopt those things, and that's why financial literacy come up. And what's interesting is There is a generational shift wherein we see younger people are actually a lot more open with these kind of
conversations than older people. So the way we interpret the data is, it's all about how the more educated you are about this particular topic, financial literacy and having that kind of conversation. The more it becomes part of the values that you're looking to align with with whoever you want to have a serious relationship with.
Yeah, definitely. Sebastian, from a financial aspect, do you have anything to add? Yeah, no, I think, I think it's something really, really important because in a committed relationship, the actions of one always have an impact or affect the other. So I think it's only like natural and and a fair thing to, to really discuss these things early and make sure like.
You know, the ideas and the goals are somewhat, somewhat aligned because of course, the both the good and the bad habits will have an impact and, and so I think an alignment is, is, is really critical and, and I think it's great to see in our study that People are willing to discuss these things earlier, um, which, which allows them to, to make the right decisions and I think that's really a positive development. um, and, and we see this actually increasing uh since our last survey
which we did, um, in 2022. Yeah, um, Dilbert so Sebastian mentioned that people are starting to talk about finance a bit earlier in relationships, but from a dating perspective, when should this come up, especially if we're still trying to get to know the other person.
So the data suggests that you should bring it up um around 3 to 5 uh dates if you are from the younger maybe like around your mid-20s, above, above, above like late 20s, early 30s, they're more comfortable with 5 to 10. So try to sense the room is what I would say, have a good sense of is it the right time to bring it up? What's the context of bringing it up. Like it's always about reading the room properly during the day and you just brandish like, hey, I got my
payslip and it's this much. That's a no go. I'll tell you, I'll tell you right now whether you're in the 5th date or the 10th date, but At that point in time, depending on where you fall within the age group, you should definitely slowly bring it up and see the comfort level there and if you don't, that's also a sign, you should read these things as signs ultimately, not everything needs to be a positive sign, negative signs are also signs and tells you maybe there's
no value alignment there, and you guys should just move on.
Yeah, um. Uh, besides the timing though Dilbert, um, you, you said things like, yeah, don't say this is my payslip, right, but how much do we go about revealing our financial situations, especially when it comes to trickier issues like maybe you know some debt or some loans that we might have that uh we're not sure whether we should share with our potential partner.
Oh, that's, that's a really tough one. I would say, um. I, at least what the data tells us with young, it makes sense with younger people, they're not heavily burdened by such things, um, especially if maybe they haven't gotten their, you know, like no BTO yet, nothing, nothing to burden their, um, financial. Financial life, but I would say when you're older and maybe that's why the data looks like this, where in the older people tend to want to have that conversation
much later. So then when you have that conversation much later and maybe you have a heavy debt burden, maybe you have a flat that you, you know, have a mortgage for all of those things. Then you have to bring it up much, much later. I would, I would, I would assume.
Yeah, definitely. I think maybe for me to add on this like I think it's really not about interrogating the other, the other, the other partner. It's really about, um, I think maybe sharing some of their own. You know, um, shortfalls or like being vulnerable, I think. And by doing so, I think you can also get the other person to, to share more openly. And, and then I think it really becomes more of a discussion
about what can we do together? What do we want to achieve together, um, rather than, you know, asking about. Yeah, debts or salaries and so on. And I think a lot of this will be, will be visible from the context and, and what people can share and, uh, goals rather than purely based on, you know, numbers and hard facts. And just,
just to add on, like when you're, when you're, when you're dating someone and getting to know someone. It's all about being vulnerable. Ultimately, vulnerability is a key ingredient to making anything work, whether it's friendship, romance, if you're not vulnerable, you're not open.
You're not getting anywhere. That's that's a guarantee. So you have to be vulnerable and, you know, find the time or find the comfort to share such things, and you obviously don't say that on the first day that you have this heavy debt burden or some kind of issue, but as you get. To know someone, you open up slowly, slowly, slowly, and you see their reaction. Are they helpful? Are they constructive? Are they empathetic? That's when you know that you might have someone who is worth your while.
Yeah, I love that. I love that it's just about being vulnerable, being open, right? Dilbert, um, financial inequality will exist and a lot of, a lot of times in this day and age, it could be the women who are earning more than the men. Um, how do we deal with uh this uh tricky situation?
There's actually this, this, uh, there was this really viral, uh, Reddit post that came from Singapore around this time last year, where in this Singapore woman was talking about, she used the word dating down, where she talked about how she found a partner who earns half of what she was earning and Obviously, the, you know, the comment section were asking how, how, like how do you guys work and all of those things um but ultimately they, they work because they shared
common values and you know, like uh her her whole intention of sharing was more about saying to people like, hey. There are these arbitrary. Thresholds that we impose upon ourselves, but that doesn't mean that you can't find someone outside of that to share your values. So, you know, I'm bringing it back to dating apps. Dating apps is, it's all about, it's all about um reach. Like the the likelihood that you'll find someone is higher
if you open yourself up to more potential profiles. If you create such as, you know, you know, so many filters this age, this height, this, this way, this distance, all of those things, then naturally you, you, you, you narrow your pool, and does that mean you should keep everything blank? No, I'm not saying that, you need to find your sweet spot.
And you need to interrogate each and every one of those things that you're looking for, whether it's money, whether it's height, whether it's religion, because ultimately everything actually boils down to values.
You can completely fit with someone and have a strong relationship with someone who earn less than you, who might be shorter than you, who might not be as, you know, attractive as you want them to be, but if you share common values, that's such a strong foundation for a relationship that I can totally imagine seeing that
work. Yeah, definitely. Um, alright, Sebastian, when it comes to shared expenses in a relationship, I guess if you see someone more, you go on more dates, uh, you, you end up having a lot of meals together, maybe, you know, paying for things like movie tickets, uh, transport expenses, etc. How, what's your thoughts on how we, how two people should navigate this? Yeah, I think it really depends always on the individual,
of course. But I think I can share a couple of, of, of guidelines or a couple of ideas on how to, how, how to manage those things. I think one common approach, um, has been to have a, a shared or a joint kind of account for, for the recurring bills. So what I call like the necessities, which is anything from, you know, the groceries, shared meals, we're gonna, uh, consume together, utilities or, or, or maybe the monthly rental, um,
We have, we have, we have to pay. Um, and then people, um, keep the individual accounts for, for their own expenses, anything which is probably going a bit beyond what's, what's really the ne necessity. And I think Del will brought up an interesting topic earlier, which is, um, uh, the inequality in terms of like, you know, um, um, um, um salaries. I think this can really be.
Um, also built into this so that whoever earns more also probably contributes a higher percentage, um, and basically supports the other, um, the, the partner like this a little bit. Um, I, I think that, that, that we have seen commonly in, in, in, in, in, in pairs and they in couples, and I think something which, which really worked well. And then I think um as Nowadays, for almost anything, there's a plethora of apps which you can use, which, which really make it just a
little bit easier to manage those kind of things. Um, you know, it's easy to upload, um, receipts or, or invoices and, and to like make it easier to divide, um, among, uh, uh, among the, the couple and just to support it and make it a little bit easier. Yeah, that's really good. Uh, Delbert, anything to add from a from a dating app perspective, you know,
this this reminds me of is gonna reveal my age, but I remember this Friends episode wherein. The half of them who weren't making as much versus the half of them who were making more money. They're all there, there was a conflict about what they would want to do because, you know, if those who didn't make enough money, they, you know, they were, they couldn't do the thing or they it was it became awkward.
And I think it's uh it's like that with relationships wherein you need to be, you need to be empathetic. About your partner's situation. So for instance, with that story I mentioned about the Singaporean woman, just because she's earning way more money, um, the way she spends or the way like, let's say they go on dates or uh go on vacation, maybe instead of Europe, let's just go to Hong Kong, maybe things like that. I think if you bring it, if, if you approach it with sensitivity, with empathy.
I think you can arrive at a place of understanding as opposed to a place of awkwardness within you wouldn't want to say like, oh, let's let's take this, uh, let's take this trip to Europe. It's gonna cost this much, they're gonna be put in an awkward situation where in. Oh, I, my, my thing isn't there yet or I'm not financially, you know, um, set to do that kind of thing. So you want to avoid those things and you avoid those things by being just more empathetic.
Empathy definitely something to bear in mind. uh Sebastian, you mentioned about, you know, talking about using apps to make things like shared expenses a little bit easier. What other tips do you have when it comes to financial planning for couples? Yeah, so I think apart from, from the, from the expenses, I think the other really important part is thinking about
What are, what happens to our savings, right? Um, so each, regardless if you have completely shared accounts, which is more common like with married couples or, um, separate accounts, um, in, in committed relationship, I think couples should also think about what happens to The portion they save. Because, um, if one of, if, if, if one of them decides to spend everything and one is a very, um, is very thrifty and it saves a lot, even this can lead to conflicts in the,
in the long term. So I think people should not only think about how to divide. The expenses, but also think about what are the other goals they have and what do they, how do they save and invest for, for those. And, and this can be anything. This can be, um, the holiday, and Albert mentioned, but this can also, of course, be the more long-term goals, such as how do they want to retire, how they
want to finance or fund their retirement? How about kids and, and their education and all, all of those kind of things. Um, so yeah, these are really important conversations to have and, and equally important, I think as, as the expenses, as the expenses part. Yeah, definitely. Uh, today, uh, very enlightening discussion on how we navigate
finances and money when it comes to romantic relationships. We've been speaking to uh Delbert T, who is CEO of dating app Coffee Meets Bagel and also Sebastian Seibert, who is CMO of investment services provider SyF. If you want to check them out online, Coffee Meets Bagel.com, one word, and also for CyF that's spelled S Y F E.com. Uh gentlemen, thank you so much for taking the time to be on Mind Your Money today. Thank you.