Welcome to Dad's on day clok. Parental discussion is advised mature content beyond this.
Point, boys, how do you make a waterbed more bouncy?
Piss it?
No, you've spring water?
Mmm mm hmmmm.
When I was a kid, I wanted to fill a water bed with yello. I was never allowed to do it, though.
I'm not entirely sure how that would.
Feel.
I feel like it would just feel like a waterbed.
Yeah, you think maybe a little more firm.
Maybe, I don't know.
How would you set it up.
Like you would?
You set it up in the fridge and then put it in there, or throw it all in there, and then throw the bed in the fridge and then take the bed out and put it on the bed.
This is the way, I you know, how when you hit jello and it ripples, That's what it looks like inside a waterbed. I guarantee it, you think, Yeah, I mean, unless it's Chris Watts's waterbed.
It's electrifying, that's for sure. I don't know. I would probably just put all the jello inside the bed and then turn my ac down really really low.
Wait wait wait, wait, hold on, clothes, you throw the packet in throw the packet in and then the water, and then shake your bed up quick before it.
And then I would close every event in my house except for that one room. And then I would turn the A C down to like forty and just let all the air blow into that room. So what I would do, for sure it would work.
Another news, Jew was found locked in a home and froze to death next to a frozen jellow bed. It's us to say they wanted to taste the flavor and it was golded.
Fuck.
I was just gonna say, if Jew's made jello, who would the flavors be?
Like?
Lime be lime, mosball, soup ball, soup cheeses, fucking the body of Christ.
Then try your new flavor accidents.
Tastes like a poppy sea bagel and pennies, smoked salmon, some.
Locks, some rocks.
Try the new summer fan favorite lots Mere cream cheese. Oh god, that'd be so disgusting. Some fucking some cream cheese jello.
Like you look at you look at the ingredients and it says fish sauce, fish sauce.
He's so terrible, God.
Cool, but it's good. Episode. Yeah, last week was Murderer.
This week's would have been a great episode for fuck Face to come on eighty eight Michael Irving.
Yeah, I bitched.
I bitched out. I couldn't do it.
How des bryant of you.
Yeah, very true. Do you see see Lamb getting laid out by that ref?
Yeah? Sh yeah, I just got laid out.
He was celebrating on the sideline and he was like halfway on the fucking white section where the refs get to run up and down. I got dumb ass, and he just got gets laid out.
I swear to God, like it almost looked like it was planned because he was like turning right. Probably could have seen him in the perperal and then just like turned around and was like and.
Then definitely just that stupid. Yeah.
The other day, the kicker from the Jaguars made a seventy yard field goal and Dome text me about it. So I immediately this is how lazy I was that day. I hop on my phone, pull up jagged kicker, you know whatever, pulls up click on to watch the videos. I have a fourteen second ad. I was like, I don't even want to watch this. I closed it out and put my phone down. Text Dome and I said, I don't have fourteen seconds to wait and watch this
stupid fucking video. I'm sure it's a seven yeardfield goal. Whooped, you fucking dude. So the dome finds it on like TikTok, cuts it and then sends it to me, goes here you go add free. So then I watched it and literally this second it got through the uprights. I closed the video.
It was good.
It was a good kick, dude, I mean, oh fucking a legit.
Yeah. I think they should give him the record even though it's preseason.
Yeah, and they should give shd Sanders the league MVP.
Oh dear god, no, how did you see his stupid dude? He sounds like an absolute fucking retard in that interview that he did after the game.
He's got about the same IQ as Dion has.
Tough baby, So.
I can't wait to watch that crash and burn. And I love that people are hyping him up like, oh, the Brown's gotta steal blah blah blah. Dude, it was one drive in pre season.
Yeah.
You know there's quarterbacks that don't even play preseason. Yeah, they're usually the top five quarterbacks in the NFL.
I can honestly say, I don't know if I've ever rooted against someone coming out of college more than I am rooting against him.
Yeah, yeah, sure, Dom. How's your weekend?
It's been. It's been rough, man. I'm working like a dog. I am on day ten of ten in a row out here in Fallon, Nevada, and I'm ready to go home. I get to go home tomorrow, so I'm excited about that. Did get to go to Carson City for the first time ever in my life, and I got to see b Word. Thank you sir, because he took me to a nice little restaurant. We had a sweet date. It was pretty awesome. We had candlelight dinner. Had had a really good salmon. So here in Fallin there's really no
like actual food. It's it's all American type food or fast food type shit. There's a few places that try and do stuff, but they suck. So he took me this place called the Fox Restaurant, which is like a microbrewery and a real genuine wet restaurant. I had this whiskey glazed salmon, some vegetables and rice. It was phenomenal. Beer was pretty good. And then he took me for a tour around the town, which was it's It's like, Carson City is actually really pretty down. It's really nice.
It's quaint.
No, because he was driving and there really wasn't a lot of room between the steering wheel. Like, he's lost a lot of weight. I gotta give him a lot of propes. I got to give him a lot of props. He's lost a lot of weight. But he's also he seems pretty serious about this girl that he's dating. So I didn't want to suck it up.
Maybe next time, Well you didn't have to fucking swallow.
No, But I don't know what she's into yet. I'll find out next weekend because there's a jazz festival in Carson City. So next weekend when I come back here on Saturday, I'm gonna go down there for a few hours after work, hang out and jazz it up.
With him.
It's cool, that'll be fun.
I'm excited. Nice.
So go there.
You're the only white person that shows up, I mean, I'll be one of two.
Because I don't know what his girlfriend looks like yet. So he didn't show me a picture.
Yeah, she went, she was, she got.
So I was.
I'll go I'll go next. Yeah, it was. It was good long saga that was finally ended. I won't go in a super long length detail. I reserved these this time slot for the stoned. But my mom, I'm just gonna blame her because we fucking know it was her. I know it was her misplaced. My grandma passed away a couple of years ago. She said that my son can have her vehicle, right, So my grandma is very
meticulous at organization. And I've never laid eyes on this title, and uh, and the last people to see it was AJ and my mom and the only other person that's had eyes on it was AJ's mom. And uh tore this fucking house apart in the last like all of us except for my mom because she hasn't been out yet, and nobody can find this fucking title. And I'm like,
I'm convinced my mom took it back to Montana. She's tore apart her safe and blah blah blah, and she was like, your dad was ready to kick your ass. I'm like, for what, It's not my fucking fault that I didn't. I'm literally the only person has a touch this title, right, And so it's like, I, you know, anyway, we're back up in Vegas at my grandma's house. And uh, this is also I can register the fucking car, right, so I can put the title in my name and
register it in the state of Arizona. And uh, I'm standing in the kitchen of my wife comes around the corner. She goes, I think I found it. I was like, no, you didn't, Like, I have zero faith, like w NBA games are more exciting to me that that's a less faith I have right now? And uh, sure shit, she like shows it and on the front it says Honda CRV and it's this whole folder. Sure is fucking shit, Like first or second paper in there out of the
stack of papers is the title. And so the steps I would have had to take aren't horrible, but I would actually a no no because according to my d m V that when I asked, they had said no, you literally because of the length that she's been deceased. You bring the title in, you sign it into your name, and that's it. So now I can finally do that. So, uh, that's the plan. So I can get that car registered, my son can start driving it. Yeah, so he's scheduled his actual driver's test this week.
Hell yeah, that'll be exciting. Has he driven some more?
Yeah?
Yeah, he hasn't lately since I got the truck. Sorry, we've driven the car, the grandma's car, but we just drive it in our neighborhood, so that way we're not going out of the neighborhood. Yeah. So he's still driving because we've done that every weekend for the past couple of weekends. But he's gonna have to he's gonna have to use my truck for the test because it has
to be a licensed, registered vehicle. And so unless I can register that vehicle sometime this week and have some kind of form that I could use, I'm just like, just use my truck.
That's fine, I'll be okay. Yeah, yeah, a little well her longer turn, that's it.
That's it.
Yeah.
One one small funny story from this week. So we had this orange orange cream frozen yogurt right, tastes like an orange cream suckle. And so I had poured portabowl for her, scooped a bowl for my daughter, my four year old daughter, and then I had another bowl that
was empty because I hadn't put anything in it. So I quickly snuck a spoon in my mouth, and then I looked at Ellie and looked at the bowl, and then I scooped like I was, you know, like Peter pan right and hook, and then I opened my mouth so she could see ice cream, and her eyes went fucking wide. She was like, how'd you do that? Imagine? And I was like, I can't tell you. And then, in her normal form, she slammed her spoon on the table and got pissed off. I was like, I'm not sure.
I'm not sure which parent that was, because we are both absolutely.
She gets it. Yeah, I'm surprised she didn't throw the spoon at you.
To be honest, No, No, There's been close times though with other ship and I'm like, I literally, for the fear of God, I'm like, don't you do it, because I'm afraid she's gonna do it. But then there's also a streak of her my daughter, my four year old daughter. She has that mentality of like not only fuck around and find out mentality, but also the you're what is it? Intrusive thoughts? She lets her intrusive thoughts winnin time. That's a dangerous common because you could see her she lives.
You can see her thinking first and then say fuck it and I'm gonna do.
It's just that that impulse. Yeah, she's got that impulse.
Bug.
I think I think that comes from I think that comes from your wife. Yeah, i'd say so, just a just a touch more. Yeah, the willingness, the intrusive thoughts for sure. The willingness to follow through is you.
Yeah, that's true.
I'll die.
That's facts.
Anyway, Stone, how was your week, buddy?
Man?
We've been battling fucking ants and this guy, damn, and it's it's been a pain in the ass. So I've been catching them here and there like normal. You know, it's hot outside and they're looking for food and they're looking for cool place like normal. I thought they would just coming out of the drains and stuff, and you know, whenever I caught him, ode just squash and whatnot. And I already sprayed inside and outside once we first moved in,
and so I didn't really think anything of it. I made some pasta on Tuesday, and then we went over to Alyssa's brother soccer game to watch him play soccer, and I was like, yeah, we'll just do the you know the dishes when we get home, and so, you know, we put the dishes in the sink, and on top was the cutting board and I had cut sausage on it, right,
so I had some like sausage on it. And when we got home, I turned on the light and I looked at the cutting board and I was like, there's a lot more stuff on there than when we left. Got closer to it, and it was moving, and I was like, oh.
Fuck.
And I get closer to it and there's like three hundred ants on this fucking cutting board.
Are they tiny?
Yes?
A tiny little black fucking hard to get yeah, yeah, And they there's like three hundred and the cutting board and there's another one hundred and fifty surrounding the sink and on the counter and they're venturing out and I.
Was like.
Fuck.
And I was so mad.
I was like, God damn it. And so and like we had like just boughted. We just bought some ice cream too, and I was like, let's about the ice cream in the freezer. We got to deal with the shit first. And we dealt with it, and I got all of them and I took everything off the counter to make sure that we got all of them, and then every time I kept coming back, like every ten minutes, all of a sudden there was like another two of them.
And I was like, Okay, they're getting in. They're not getting in from the sink because they're like on the counter. They're getting in somewhere on the counter. And then I finally found it in the in the cock where the granite on the wall meets the granite on the on the counter, there's like like a strip of a cock that's missing. And so I was like, it's got to
be that hole right there that they're coming from. And so I filled my cock in it pretty good, and I filled the shit out of that hole of my cock and just cock the fucking dickens out of it, man like, real good. And got my finger in there too, so I could both work at the cock and the finger, you know what I mean, that little move, you know,
little you know, God damn. And then when it set in and firmed up real nice, and I was looking at that firm cock and I was like, Jesus, nice, good looking fucking cock right there.
Yeah, color's been cocking around.
Blue it's dead. So we went into the bathroom the next day right, and the cock worked. No fucking ants were coming in from that point, and we're good. The next day, I go in the bathroom and from the shower I see like forty ants and I was like, God, fucking damn it. So I open up the thing and I see him in there, and I was like, Okay, they might come through the drain. So I grabbed the spray and I sprayed in all the drains and stuff, and then I followed the trail and sure, shit, they're
coming from the wall. There's like the part where the tile meets the wall the drywall, and there's like a big enough crack and they're just coming right through. And I was like, fuck, I gotta shove my cock into more cracks, Jesus. So I'm in there shoving my cock on the crack again, you know, having a good time working it, working at the fucking finger, and I'm saying, doing a good job doing the Lord work, you know.
I killed all of them. And then I went to go do the laundry and there was a stack of towels that was like two feet to the right of that hole, and like forty of them just scurried out all over my feet and I was like, ah, get this out of me, oh man, And then I killed them all. And then today we were making food and we went and we opened the microwave put some leftovers in there, and when we were taking the leftovers out, there was like eight ants in the microwave that were
just scattering, and they were like freaking out. First off, damn, like insects really are nuclear proof because they did not get nuked in that song. Bitch, so fnukes go off, We're all dead, but them focks are still alive.
Two, how the.
Fuck did they get in there? I'm like, Jesus, where are they coming from? And then I opened up the cupboard and I see one little fucking scurrying ant coke going over the one of the one of the fucking spices. And I was like, dude, I swear to God, I'm just gonna burn this place down. At this point, I'm fucking done. I'm done with it. Dumble the ants. I've done the only shiit.
I just pictured the fuckers for some reason, that one ant that you just said. He takes a little piece of seasoning and he grabs like cayenne and takes it back to the fucking hill and he goes up to his buddy and he's like, hey, smell my cayenne.
Like, yeah, man, I found some basil. This tasil's good man. I didn't find any basel, but this ship looked like basil from the fucking closet. And is there two of you right now? Anyways, smell cayenne I ship.
There's one telling dad jokes in there, like what took you so long?
Ah?
I was, I couldn't find the time.
I couldn't find the time. O peppered them with that one.
Half and go pour it down a fucking ant hill.
Yeah, let's go. Let's fucking go. I have been curious about what honey tastes like if bees collect the nectar from a weed plant.
I'm really cures there's a bee in Africa.
I feel like you're about to tell the most dumbest bullshit thing that's half assed research.
Yeah, go ahead, there's a bee somewhere. There's always somewhere in Africa where the honey is a medicinal honey, and then the African bee a medicinal honey. But it fucking makes you hallucinate, and if you eat too much of it you will die, like you'll just you go into such a terrible fucking hallucination that you got. I'll do the rest of the research next show. I'll say this now, but I'll forget next show.
I'll talk about it absolutely because I'll call you back on it and be like, huh, what.
Are you talking about? I know, I know there's the honey that's in like the Amazon things like that. I don't know what it's from, but yeah, that show will make you. It's like fucking taking mushrooms and LSDH. It's like crazy wild, you know. Bringing it right along here into the episode today to talk about food with you gentlemen. You know, everybody knows all two listeners that we love talking about food on this show, and I wanted to get some questions answer this's on my mind, you know,
for you gentlemen. And the first question I wanted to go over in detail here with you guys is what is your least favorite dish? You know, it could be a side dish, a main dish, even a part of the dish that you don't think should be there.
Dom.
I wanted to start with you versus curry.
Curry, Wait, can we can we really all kurry like across the board. Yeah, like, like we're talking Indian, Tai, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese. Who's the knees below the knees.
Specifically, I guess Indian, Okay, really on the same curry. Yeah, I hate it. I understand, like, I get it, I get that the combination is supposed to work, but I just don't, Like, I have no fucking need for it. I have no desire for it. It doesn't smell good to me, it doesn't taste good to me, And nine times out of ten, it's extremely fucking spicy, like so spicy that it's unnecessary. So fuck it, Like it's just it's pointless. It's a pointless fucking dish, and it makes
you shit. It's guaranteed, Like it's more guaranteed that you're gonna have diarrhea after curry than it is taco bell mm hmm.
So no, Now I know that some people have the notion that all like Indian dishes are like that. Is that the same way with you? Or like you tried or like you were gonna try to the ones on the side of the curry and you were like, no, I'm not gonna try butter chicken or korma or any of those other ones, because am I making or is it just specifically it's just.
Curry, because I actually like I like buttered chicken. I think buttered chicken is really good. But just curry curry as a whole, it's it's a weird fucking dish, Like is it soup?
Is it not soup?
Are you supposed to put rice in it? Do you not put rice in? It's just dumb. This is dumb, And again I don't I just don't like the combination. I understand that the combination of flavors are supposed to work, but I just don't like them.
I get you, I get you. It definitely can be very very earthy, like super earthy.
En stay in the earth. It's more than welcome to stay right in the fucking earth, the earth.
I like that take. That's a good take, you know. I think it's it's super honest.
I like it. I like it.
No, how about you, baby, You know I'm a little bit pissed off because that was one of my answers. But not curry, not curry, just Indian food food. But but I'll give you a different one. Since there's a specific food, there's only one dish that I've had that I like it in, and for some reason I can't taste it in this dish, which is awkward, but peace. I fucking hate peas, not all kinds of peas, just
green peas, Like I don't know. It reminds me of being a kid and having food that you don't want to eat and you get those mixed vegetables with the corn, the carrots and the peas, and they're all uber out of a can. Disgusting. I just don't like peas.
Do you remember when they used to give a school lunch and instead of the mixed vegetables, it was just one like just peas, like a scoop of peas, you know. Yeah, Like I understand from a nutrient point of view, it's a fucking jackpop. Yeah, But from a taste point of view, you don't taste like anything. It tastes like they got this, they just got this weird, Like it's got a weird flavor. Yeah, yeah,
it's got a real weird flavor. But the combination of the texture, the combo with the weird texture is like just a double shotgun blast of the face.
It's like, oh, I love that things like if you put if you put a pee in a dish, whether it's a pasta dish or chicken pop pie or whatever. I like peas in something. I'm not a fan of peace.
I changed my answer. Chicken pop pies give fucked fucking hate and I can't get behind that.
Man, I get that you are on your I will die on that island.
Yeah.
Fucking volleyball. Yeah, and Tom Hanks here lies no hater of pot pies. Fucking I haven't met a pop pie that.
I have liked. Ever.
What is it about the pop pie you don't like?
It reminds me of chicken little soup, but it it's rooting a pie crust, and I don't like that. There's nothing about a chicken pot pie that is. They just don't like it. I don't like the taste. I don't like the flavor. I've had homemade ones. I've had like the world's best chicken pop pie. I just don't like them.
Now, do you like chicken and dumplings? Because it's pretty damn close. It's it's like almost the same in some ways.
Yeah, it's close, and chicken and dumplings is just okay to me. It's just Okay, okay, like there's I would never order it. If somebody made it, I'd eat it. But I you know, impartial. It's not the greatest thing about bus.
Yes, absolutely the same fucking thing as chicken dumplings.
No, it's not just you just knowstitute and I wish your killed in substitute right now, right now. That's all chicken chickens call it.
I'll call it right here.
Listeners, listener, listener, B word, B word, tell us what you think. No, there's nothing biscuits and gravy. It's you know what, though, I will give you this. I will give you this if you do make biscuits and gravy like out of the crap packet, or if you get like the camp biscuits and gravy that does have that same taste of a of a pop pie. This weird taste, so but homemade biscuits and gravy.
I haven't had biscuits and gravy in so long, I know. And I think the last fucking eggs benedict that I had was with you. Yeah, the last one I can remember was Anyway, I love that ship.
My Mom's gonna be in Vegas in a couple of weeks and I'm gonna be there for a whole day and then the next day my wife and kids are gonna come. So I'm excited for it. Like we'll get up for breakfast and go get go, get breakfast somewhere.
I'll meet you.
So I'll probably take her to that place down there. I know you know you're not a big fan of it, AJ, but the one that Dom and I went to, we all went to it with Lebar. Also, I'm telling you, squeeze in eggs, Benny's baby eggs. Ben's there.
That's right next to Colony where Colony used to be. Yeah, right there that like hands down, I'll put their Bennies against anybody, like even Perkins, Like I'll put them against anybody like they're fucking good and you can choose.
Did you just vouch for Perkins eggs, Benedict. Oh yeah, I didn't say it's a fire. I've never had it, so I can't chime in. That just seems like an odd place to be, like the siler.
Of breakfast, Perkins.
Perkins is like the staple, Like what Denny should have then is what Perkins is. It's a staple dinner.
I feel like what Denny's, what Denny's became is No, I feel like Denny's when Dome and I were kids, Denny's back in that day.
Dude, that's what you wanted, you want and then.
They super sold out. Yeah yeah, I but I I'm impartial. I've had Perkins, I've just never had their.
But that Perkins is the fucking Sizzler of breakfast.
I don't know if you mean that in a good way or a bad way, because it's you, and you say it with conviction, like you're in a good way, and I'm not sure a good way, not in a good way.
I think he's saying that, not.
In a good way.
Okay, just that last time, your eyes kind of lit up, like you said Sizzler and like, well maybe you like well just because.
Like there are moments where you're like, oh, I really want Sizzler, right, Like, like there are moments throughout your life where you're like, I could dig some Sizzler because it's not terrible, it's palatable, right, And at one point, at one point in time, Sizzler was the ship. Yeah, Perkins, at one point time was the ship.
Okay, not so much.
I feel like we have better options.
You know what I don't like about Perkins is the potatoes because they're clearly like microwave bagged potato.
Ben Stiller owns Perkins.
Maybe I just haven't had well. No, I had the Perkins in Minnesota and we eat there fucking a lot, and I does it's fucking slapped. So maybe it was just the Maybe it's just the one on the West coast. Just maybe they're maybe they're not getting the same supplier food, you know, maybe it's just not.
A restaurants are region. Don't like that where in certain regions of the United States they are better than others.
M Yeah, churches.
Churches and Popeyes are both well known for that too, both like in certain areas of the United States they're fire and others they're trash.
Yeah, Like every time someone sits here and complains about a Popeye's biscuit, I'm like, have you had the Popeye's biscuits here and poppies? Because they are not dry? Like the biscuits here are not dry at all. They're moist as shit.
And I'm like, I think the reason because I would say domes in the same boat. We don't get Popeyes because the only Popeyes is downtown. Yeah, it's out of and it's it's inconvenient to get to unless you were gonna get it coming into town. And it's also part of a gas station. It's still good, but it's not as good as it could be.
No.
No, Like, there's a standalone Popeyes in Bullhead, and when I was still working there, i'd go there because Popeye' chicken sandwich is fucking so good, slash fucking But but I do judge. I one of my critiques on breakfast places is their potatoes, hash browns or home fries. If your hash browns are home fries, it doesn't matter if you serve both or if you only serve one. If it's not very good, if it doesn't have that crisp skillet flavor crunch taste, I don't want it.
Now.
Do you guys prefer shredded potatoes or do you prefer like cubed.
Or I'm happy to see.
Yeah, I will say my shredded hat.
I would lean to home fries.
Shredded hash browns need to be crispier than.
Not for me, agree same, Yeah, it can't be like it's crispy on the outside and then the inner side is just like mashed potato, right.
Because it's a fine line with the crispyness too. Sometimes you know, it's that golden brown versus burnt. And I think that's why I'd lean more towards home fries is home fries are a little bit You're less likely to fuck them.
Up for error.
Margin for error is smaller, for sure, because because if you get if you get those shredded hash browns and they're not crispy the way you want them, you're immediately disappointed and usually you don't finish them.
Yeah, and that kind of sets the tone forward for the whole breakfast. I'm like, man, potatoes just down because to me, like an egg's an egg. But now when it comes to eggs, Bendict, I will fight. I will agree with aj like it's all about this, It's all about the sauce. It's all about the sauce. It could be just why like ass muffin. It could be a thin slice of ham, it doesn't matter. It could be they could be not cooked correctly. But if the sauce is off, now I'm out.
I will I will say, you can do too much with an egg's Benedict. Some people do like the trying and get fancy.
With like yeah tomato avocados Okay sometimes but it depends and I.
Like it on the side. I don't want the avocado hidden in the middle.
Yeah, yeah, they have it on this I took in control. How much is there? Yeah, because sometimes it could really overpower it, which like squeeze in. They have different types of Bennies that you can get, and one of them is like a Chriso, so it has like instead of ham, it's toriso, and then it has a Chipotle Benedict sauce. So what I do is I do a traditional, but I swapped the sauce for Chipotle sauce. It probably wouldn't be up your alley though, because you're not a Chipotle fan,
but I know you're Toarriso fans. You might like the Terrisa if you do traditional. But if I'm in there your first time, I would just stick with traditional.
If I did, I would actually be one hundred percent down to try the Todieso with the Chipotle sauce. I think that would be amazing.
Can you say it again? It was broken up a little bit there.
Ah, I said, I'd be hundred percent down to try the chodiso.
Yeah, it's it's like cho diesel. Yeah, it's a good time, dude. It's a fucking and then as well, you can get there. I get there their spuds, which is there like red russet or whatever, like golden but it's like cubed up, and get them fully loaded, which is like caramelized onions and cheddar jack cheese melted on it.
Fucking mom.
That's my goaty right there.
Water cheesy potato castrole that I haven't made in a while. It's basically just diced potatoes with like an entire block of velvet to cheese mixed in.
It's like Montana potatoes and it sounds seasoning specific season.
Yeah, you gotta fry the potatoes up a little first, and then you throw the cheese in and you get the cheese nice and crispy in some areas and then moist and wet and gooey and the others.
God m.
Yeah, I gotta other questions here, but we're definitely moving in this episode. Maybe table some of them for the next time.
Yeah.
Actually, I'm gonna I'm gonna ask one more because I'm curious about what's your biggest hot take? About food in general. I'm gonna start this one out. America really has nothing of its own in terms of food originality except for maybe barbecue. Okay, everything else is I don't really agree with that at all. I've said that for America is a melting pot. Everybody's from everywhere else. Now, barbecue does exist in the world, but not like in the United States, like our barbecues vascin we have.
We have maybe taken barbecue to another level and created created it into our own things.
So I'm gonna I'm gonna caveat I think American I think America has its own style of food, but that the style of food is a ripoff from every other country. So that being said, American style food is taking other countries' foods and changing it. Do you see what I'm saying? Did I say that right? Did I explain that right?
I get?
I mean so so like with Chinese, with certain Chinese foods, it's it's that.
You can't tell me, like there's you know, Hamburger, hamburg Germany. Ain't no other fucking place on earth make Hamburgers like the fucking United States. True, you know what I'm saying, Like there might be one place you know that's it's good or like they're exotic something or other, but they they're probably from America.
Even even to the point of like sushi, right, like we've taken sushi in America to a whole nother fucking degree. Wef we have sloped around and found out what you can do with sushi. You know, there are some things that you can't really do too much with, like seafood, right, or a hot dog. But yet here we are fucking around and putting a ton of toppings on hot dogs, right, like we're making pole.
Sh and just dump the whole fridge.
So I would I would disagree, just just just for the sake of argument, right, that America does have its own style of food, and that style is to take other countries and attempt to make it better.
Or I didn't say style, I said like a like original even like like originality to it.
I mean nobody does. I mean nobody does. If you're really going to go that far. Food is food, right, Like there's inspirations from Chinese food from France, African food from India, they all come together at some point.
Like yeah, but that's a bullshit answer, you know, it's kind of like it's it's kind of like saying like, yeah, we're all from the universe. Everything comes from somewhere because it's within that universe. It's like, yeah, I give your your answer on it, but it's kind of like it's dismissive, it's not good for the conversation.
And came from China. It's true, true, but everybody seems.
To a lot of stuff did originally in China because China is like one of the fucking starts of the Earth.
I'm saying so like, you can't. You can't say that one culture has its own identity for food.
But then again, I've ever seen chicken marsala come from Brazil.
You're getting too specific. I'm sure it came from somewhere else. I'm sure it was somewhere else.
Don't what's your hot take on food?
Hold on my kids calling.
His time hot take?
You know, I will say just a quick quick statement to the American thing, right, because I was trying to sit here and think about this as we were talking, and it's like, so it's Allian food, right, goes around the world as Italian food.
Right.
You think pasta, you think pizza is now pizza in America is completely different than pizza, you know, Italian, yeah, right, but you think of you think Italian food, you think hardy Pasta's, marinera stuff like that, right, yeah, Chinese food, Indian food, all this stuff. When you think of America, we do have a food that has made it national all over the place that did start in America, which is McDonald's being a hamburger and French fries.
Right.
And it's odd that the name's French fries because they didn't originate in France. They originated in Belgium, of all places. But so I guess I don't know that that's the only thing I could really think of him, like, because you don't think of it, like what else from America is everywhere else in the world food wise?
Raisin canes apparently it's in Kuwait a right.
Yeah.
My brother said he was at the Kuwait airport and they had a fucking raisin canes there. I was like, holy shit, in the middle of the fucking sandbox over there, you thought a fucking raising gates. It's a goddamn labrador over there.
But think about it, if you really break it down this way, why would America have anything original America is one of the last really established countries. Yeah, we came late to the game, you know what I'm saying, Right, Like even South America was established, Canada was was fairly established, but and and America had the Indians, but they were so spread wide off this land and it was so small scale that you know what I mean. But it's
like America's laid to the game. So why would we have anything original?
Because everybody because it because America is built on pride, and so when you when you do anything to stab that pride, that's when the fireworks go off.
Right.
But yeah, if you if you think, if you get somebody that isn't really quick on the feet and you're like America has zero American foods, and they're like that's not true. And it's like, just go ahead, bit it out, spit out whatever you want because it came from somewhere. About what about me?
Could we consider elk any kind of like elk jerky what you know, elk burgers.
I don't see. I don't see like somebody in like Europe turning out like try this, like you know, like elk that's like straight from America, you know, like like going around the world and you're like, oh, like where is this place cooking from. They're like, oh, they really like this other country's food, and so they really love doing it here. But they have like their own, you know.
And when you think about it in terms of America, it's like what other country around it is really taking like an original American food and like running with it, and there's not much of it right, you know, Like if I would say, like one for the for the running is like if you know there was like a brisket, you know, like a like a Texas style brisket, or if there was like you know, Memphis style barbecue, North Carolina's barbecue, you know, because that's not really a thing
around the world. Fried chicken another thing, no, because fried chicken is definitely done in a ton of places, Korean fried chicken. Japan has their own fried chicken first. I'm pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that's a Chinese thing.
Yeah.
But I think one thing that we have going for us that could be very original is chopped cheese or Philly cheese steak maybe, but the cheese steak, it's too simple of a sandwich for other people not to have made it. But the chop cheese has a shipload of stuff in it that's like very specific to a culture.
Shit right, you guys, get ready to get your ship rocked.
Yeah.
Yeah, it wasn't Japan, it wasn't China. It was Scottish and West African. That was the origination of fried chicken.
Exactly, fucking Scott's baby, let's go. We thought they were over here making hagis. Nah, they're making fucking fried chicken.
Some bitch.
I can't say them.
There we go.
So from Scottish, can you then.
Say you ready?
You ready for my Scottish?
There's a fucking there's a list. There's a fucking there's a list. Are you ready for this list? When you type in Sdler's List, it's the food version of Schindler's List. What foods originated in America? Okay, buffalo wings, chocolate chip, cookies, lobster rolls, biscuits and gravy, hamburgers.
Fucking biscuits and gravy, baby biscuits and grip.
Hold up, dude, biscuits and gravy. It gets fucking deeper, dude. The California English California role was invented in America.
Well, where do you think they could be invented in California, China. It says that was never that, the California role was never.
What is it Mexican thing, Baja California.
Peanut butter and jelly. Ah, the brownie, corn bread, cobb salad, chili, macaroni. There's a fucking laundry list of things, dude.
Now corn bread I can believe because corn was a very specific thing to the Americas.
Yeah, there ain't no way. There was never an apple pie made in tel America.
This is what I'm saying is like this list is from like Wikipedia, and somebody went on there was exactly a dad Feud list.
Baby.
Actually, I gotta confess. I said I made this list, and I said it to him, and that's chili.
Chili originated in Texas in the eighteen.
Cheers.
Okay, all right, yeah, But I see what Stone's point is though, because when you think culturally right, truly, you never go over it. You're not gonna go on some trip to fucking Japan and find some fucking American food that is being raved about in Japan. Yeah, other than fast food, Like fast food's off. You're not going in like, hey, we gotta take you to this fucking fried chicken joint. It's just like down south in America. You know what I'm saying, Like, you're not fine, But in Americas you
want Chinese food, you want Indian food? Do you want Mexican food?
Most people, you know, people abroad and overseas, they they actually despise American food. They don't like it. They think it's disgusting.
Yeah.
They too fattening, Yeah, too much sugar, unhealthy.
Yeah, well fuck you, well fucking nuki like we did back in World War two. Fucking pussies. I agree with the barbecue statement. What's the next question?
So we're gonna get into uh, we're getting into a little bit of improv here.
Boys.
I'm gonna describe a scenario and I want I want y'all to to act it out with me, a little improv.
Yeah.
Our first scenario here, Jordan is at a forty nine ers game, trying to get some food for his kids who just won't stop complaining. Josh is the new cash here who can't figure out, for the life of him how to work the point of sale machine. And I am one of those kids.
Dad, I wanted some popcorn? What the fuck? What's the fucking hold up? Jesus, come on, I want to sit back down.
God damn, I knew I should have gotten a DNA test. There's no way this black kid's mind.
Goddamn.
Oh shut the fuck up?
Oh, sir, how many I help?
I like it?
Can I get three hot dogs and some fat?
Sir? I can't hear you unless you turn your fucking brat kid off.
I can't. I can't.
You know you can't control them.
What do you need?
It's evident?
Oh my god, Dad, theys you think I brought to your want to brock young man?
Let the adults do.
Excuse me? I need three brats. Okay, we'll start with that extra mustard. I can tell you're a guy of fine taste. Extra mustard.
Please, don't forget my toy.
Do you guys have toys back there? Do you specifically choking hazard toys?
Hey?
Janelle, he chokes on it.
And Janelle, Janelle, no wonder this line is still Janelle. I know you can fucking see me, Janelle. You can't find the button again? Where's the hot dog button? Janelle?
Is it like a game boy? I could do it for you boys? Shut up?
Yeah, it's because you're loud.
Are you gonna Are you gonna find the button we got? We want to get back and watch Brock pretty toss another touchdown? Gonna make it? Can we speed this up?
Please?
You?
Sometimes she calls Daddy his name.
So it's five ninety nine.
No, no, I didn't say three sodas.
I understand that I want a soda.
I want to shut the funk up.
You don't get okay?
Fine?
Fucking Do you got kool aid back there?
Yeah?
Of course I want kool aid? We know Levi Stadium.
We have some kool aid.
Please, we know a j Be quiet?
Can you give me the big cop with the bendy straw?
Don't you have broad worst? Didn't you say you're brought worst?
No?
Tell me?
Can you look look behind you?
Can you put my brought worst in the kool aid?
Fine? I will cut a hole in the middle of the hot dog. We don't have brought worst. I will cut a hole in the middle of the hot dog for you, if you please just be quiet for five seconds.
What do you mean you know?
Security security on your incompetent ass. Don't they have like a walk up Kiosko?
Yeah, it's to your it's to your right.
You see how this You see how this person taking our order son, how he's got this weird crack going right above his forehead. It makes it look like your ass. You you know where you ship, crook speani ship. We're going back to our seats. We're gonna go back to our seats, and we're just gonna flag down one of those guys selling hot dogs and peanuts and water sounds. This guy doesn't know a shop, ma'am.
Can I get you too? Brought worst? Thank you?
I like it all right.
The next one here, Jordan is an over emotional funeral director showing different caskets. Josh and I are brothers who's evil, wicked. Step mom just passed away finally, and we're looking for a coffin to appease their father to put her in. But we can't hide our delight that she's gone. Oh buddy, the bitch is dead. She's dead. All we gonna do is put her in a box. And that's it.
Doesn't that's it. She's gone. Can it just be a shoe box?
I mean to be honest, we could just put her. Oh is this the place right here? I think it's the place this funeral. Yeah, okay, this is it.
This is it.
I wanted to take her to waste management.
Well we should have called Taddy for that one. Excuse me, sir, sir, hi, hi, how are you? We're here for the the uh fucking tin? Can this Brod's gotta go in?
You know what I mean? Uh?
This is a crematorium only, Yeah, sure, whatever, whatever worse.
We just we got.
We got you know, you kill them and we grill thematorium.
We don't.
Did you take us a j did you take us to the fucking milk factory?
Again?
Who died?
By the way, I get, I get really emotional when people die.
Oh it was our step mom.
It is my concern if if you're gonna if we're gonna grill him here.
I don't.
Oh yeah, throw that bitch right in the fucking oven.
And I'm gonna ask guy in the Hawaiian shirt, how did she die? Oh me, yeah, you look like you have a.
Hawaiian suspicious suspicious causes. We were really not sure. We think it was just a heart attack. But it doesn't matter. We're happy and we're excited that.
She's what he means, it's natural cause heart attack.
The guy in the Hawaiian shirt again. Aren't you guys sad?
Though?
No, why would be your mom?
We're sad she didn't go sooner, to be honest, asking the Hawaiian shirt guy, guy, why would we be.
Sad when the wretch is finally gone? Listen, Yes, we inherited a fuck load of money. It doesn't matter that she's gone. She was a bitch and now my brother can finally marry his one true love, Prince Charming.
Praise, Praise, hallelujah.
Did you guys kill your step No?
I wish we did, but uh gotta beat us to the punch to be honest.
Did she get in an accident during an Eiffel Tower?
No, she something that happened. There was a bull of apples on the table and she choked on one. Fuck happened.
We heard that there was somebody there that might have known how to do the Heimlich, but by the time we found them, she was already like dead. Yeah.
We thought she was playing charades because she was. We thought she was acting out a sign for a movie.
Yeah, yeah, we thought she was acting out that she was like choking and we were like, oh, oh a choke jam.
Fun By the time we realized going on her face. But that doesn't matter. You're you're getting stuck up on details. It don't matter to you because again, we just want to put her in a box. So we can put her in the ground and we can close this chapter.
Let me tell you it blew our minds how blue she was? Aha, my man bunny joke. Huh yeah, yeah, you got any deals? Uh, you know, and any deal's going on here, you know, like once burned too, and yeah, you know, like you stick two bodies in there, you don't know who's this who? And so you to knock off a little bit from the top, you know what I mean? Yeah, could do that. You could fucking throw it over there with whoever. You know, it doesn't matter to us.
Yeah, so if you get the wrong ashes, you won't be super upset about how.
They all look the same.
They don't.
We'll taste it. We'll taste it.
Yes, looks like a campfire, sir in the Hawaiian shirt. Again, what do you mean you'll taste it, you'll know it's hers. I don't understand what.
I'm Jewish. We have a nose for these things.
I have another question for you in the Hawaiian shirt. You said you're Jewish? Is he not Jewish?
Now it's a brother. It was a complicated relationship with our mother.
Uh, your stepmother.
We're half brothers.
Should I call the cops? This is making me really uncomfortable.
Why would you call the cops?
You guys are acting on You show us the oven that you guys cremate them in.
Yeah, that gets thrown in there? Can we tossing theselves?
You open the door.
It's not on site. It's not on site. What do you mean it's not on site a crematorium A it's a crematorium store.
Guy's getting all suspicious. So let's make the sale final.
How about you take us on the tour, just the three of us do this is?
This is literally the store. It's this counter and and the boxes behind me.
And that's but there's stuff in the back. There's gotta be stuff.
We get sea literally you know those fireworks stands in Las Vegas.
At the guy?
Literally, yes, that's this this this store, and like a phantom, nobody will know we're here.
Perfect.
You get a lighter No, I don't smoke, it's a bad habit get light incense? Well, how come you don't have incense.
In here, because this looks like a fucking Spenser's to you.
It looks like a place that stinks.
You get people coming in that killed people.
Of course, he kills people. That's not what's so upsetting. No, I don't understand why.
No, it doesn't happen in this town. Doesn't happened in three days. I mean, you know, three years something. The last murder was.
Still alive.
Oh yeah, he's thriving. He's in fucking Canada right now in a boy's trip.
He's doing great, sir, in the non Hawaiian shirt. Can you describe what your dad looks like? Please?
Six? Yeah, three.
He's a black.
I can really see the Colin Kaepernick.
I saw him once.
No, no, no, he meant our dad, not the stepmom.
Oh yeah, I just said burnt. Sorry, yeah.
Former. She was a former w NBA player. You might have known her name, can you guess it? I don't know any w just nobody knows his names.
Nah.
But uh yeah, is there any like discounts or anything that we can get, you know, or how about if we torture ourselves and then you come and do the rest of it, you know, Like, dude, we get half off or something like that.
Or is that called the German special?
Yea, the German special is called the squeeze.
That's good.
That was good.
All right, we'll do we'll do the last one here, boys. All right, So Jordan and Josh, you guys are coaches for a little league team, and your little league team sucks, really sucks. I'm the new nerdy kid that's coming on the team and it's gonna make the team a lot worse.
This is gonna be a short one, all right. I'm just gonna be the guy on third base to enhancements he can talking.
Jordan's head is fill of acting for the day.
A j.
Yeah, coach, put me in.
You're already in. You're up to bat.
Okay? Can I take my erector set and hit the ball with it?
Get the fuck off the field. You're done.
No. My mom says, I'm supposed to be here. She has an apployment with her missus and they're supposed to be doing something all day long. I don't know what it is, but I'm here.
Problem is it? Your mom is not good enough to Blue.
We need time out, Blue, We need time out, getting the dug out.
What Josh.
Hold on, hold on, Josh, Josh, hold on. Little You see that little circle over there, the warm up circle. I want you to go stand at that circle. I want you to look at your mom.
No, be quiet, Mom's not here.
Be quite a little, buddy. I could see your mom. Her fat ass is sitting right in that chair over there.
That's not my mom.
Go stand in the circle for one second. I need you to just do a couple of practice swings while I talk to coach Josh over here.
Okay, but did you want to make this My record.
Said yes, yeah, Just give us a minute.
Take your okay, I'll start swinging.
Let the adults talk. Okay, Hey, get the fuck out.
Of the circle. I'm supposed to be here, all right, I'm a swing.
Isn't it crazy how the circle is twenty feet over there and it sounds like he's still right next to us.
Swing.
You should hear him war fucking his mom. She's not worth this, dude.
Do what she like?
What's she likes shaved? Does she shave all the way or is she have hair like her entire Oh my god, did she have like a seven inch lady?
Though?
Actually?
Oh shit, couch Coach.
Coach, I think I just hit the person that's in the field on the left side. I don't know what their name is, but I think I just hit him with my reter set and uh, oh god, oh no, they're bleeding.
You're bleeding.
I have a first day kid in my bag.
So let's lock the fence.
Let's lock the gate right now. We're gonna lock the gate right now so he cannot get back on the field. Okay, I'm gonna walk over and lock the gate right now. Okay, okay, this kid.
Don't you dare shut this gate on me? And how dare you muted me? You bastard?
Hey, little ag, I need you to go talk to your mom. We're gonna convince Blue here. We're gonna start the game here just a minute, but coach Josh and I have to talk for just a minute.
Come, my kids heard him there, he's bleeding.
I'm not a first day yet.
Oh wait, this is my chemistry said, how.
About I be there, okay while he's away. What's it like?
Does it taste No, it tastes phenomenal, It tastes like jolly? Did she keep it?
Really?
She shoves a mint like up in there before I get it before I get over to her house. So that's how I guess she tastes like fucking altoids.
Dude.
Yeah, but don't you think if we if we don't put this poison bag. Don't you think if we don't let little AJ play like, isn't that going to interfere?
Like?
I don't want to keep it here anymore. I'm ready to kill myself.
It's not that good.
It's not It is not worth this fucking headache anymore.
Dude?
Is it as good as the girl that you were gaining during that podcast?
There?
That's the point, all right, all right, so we gotta bring him in and we're just gonna tell him to get hit by the pitch. Let's tell the other team to hit this kid at bat. That's there's only chance getting up.
I'll talk to the picture. I would talk to the other coach. Actually, probably shouldn't talk to the.
Kid, all right, you go talk to the other coach. I'll talk to a little AJ. Little AJ, come over here, coach, can't be honest with you. Yeah, go ahead, you got about twenty seconds and don't pull your normal bullshit. That turns into fifty five seconds. Twenty seconds.
I don't think I'm cut out for this.
No, you're not cut out for it. You brought a fucking erector set to baseball. Excuse my language, but you'd think you'd at least have cleats on. You have fucking crocs on, and you have them in sport mode. I heard you talking about them.
Are they not supposed to be in smore mode? I can put them out, you know.
I guess I think you'd want them around the back of your foot so they don't fall off every time.
That's what.
Your mom's retarded. She fucks Coach Josh. Okay, what I need you to do is when when Coach Josh comes back, he's gonna expect you to take some good hard swings in this box. I want you to swing as hard as you can at this ball, no matter where the ball is at, I want you to swing.
Okay, Okay, I can do that.
Coach Josh is coming back. He doesn't look too happy, all right, AJ.
Coach Josh, did you find my chipsunk?
He ran out of my back.
The picture from the other team has your Chipmunk. And what we're gonna do is we're gonna play a game. You're gonna get in that rectangle over there that's next to the plate that's in the ground. Okay, the base, it's it's it's called why I immediately knew I fucked up. It's a it's a it's a it looks like a home, but upside down. Okay, you're gonna stand in the rectangle, the white rectangle that's over there, and the picture that that kid over there, he's called a picture.
Josh, you know he's a foster kid.
Rectangle. That's a pentagon.
Where did you go to school next to the pentagon?
Okay, obviously you're here. You're not in college teaching anything.
You got two seconds to get your square?
Well?
Sorry, did I speak out loud? My mom tells me sometimes I should just think things and not say them. I'm sorry.
Your mom's a smart woman.
All right, all I got, yeah, right? The pictures getting ready tangled? J what's your job?
My job is to get hit by the ball.
Throw you the squirrel, no, I said, swing, No matter what can throw the squirrel to you. Just catch the fucking squirrel is a squirrel.
They're gonna go get it.
We're done, he's already in the tree.
Let's go back to the dog. We're what are her tits?
They sit up or they sat they're phenomenally, they're perky. You think she's had there's just natural scars underneath.
But that's hold on. The pitch is coming it? Oh? No, he missed, he missed, he missed, he missed the pitch. Okay, he swung though. I told him to swing hard, kid, I mean cot swung when he had.
You're supposed to beat him, So I don't know if he's like making it look a little more realistic and throwing him a striker two first, I don't know.
Speaking of Bean, what's your favorite position.
With with her?
Uh?
Probably doggy style?
Yeah, you like to look at her brown?
No, she lets me eat M and m's off her ass. I just get to put a little pile right there, and.
I just do you ever think about putting the brown one, just the brown one on there so it looks like a little spot of poop.
I did, now.
And then you just get in there and just get a little sniff. I guess she uses mince a pictures coming in. Oh fuck, Oh, you just got hid in the face.
Okay, God, that's annoying.
Walk it off, little aj you'll be fine. Just take first space, honey, Helliday says the like this off.
It's bloody everywhere.
Rumpire said it was a strike because he swung at it.
We need to get this kid a first.
I'm gonna go.
Home, a j go home, goodbye. Okay, he's gone.
Perfect.
I wait the wrong way.
I'd ask if she swallows, but clearly not because she's still having kids.
Thank god, I'm snipped.
What's her time at right now?
It says an hour and ten minutes.
Now.
I mean that we could cut out the first several minutes before the dad joke.
But mm hmmm, uh.
See, I can always a speed speed speed round and then call it.
What were you thinking?
It's up to you, guys, like we could do you know what we've been watching lately, or we can table it to the next one. Don't matter.
We could table that any table Yeah, that's fine. Maybe what we've been watching will change. Maybe, Oh, speak of that, real, real, real fast. The end of golf today felt so bad. The guy who was leading most of the day, he has taken He's been top three, one hundred and forty three rounds of golf, professional PGA golf. He's been top three fifteen times and he's never won a tournament, and today on whole seventeen, tied for the lead, two other guys tied with him. He takes his putt, misses the
par put. Now he's got a bogie, and the other guy birdies.
I'm sorry.
The other guy pars to stay, and then him and another guy end up going for a three hole playoff, which was fucking wild, same hole four different times in a row because they played eighteen and then they got to the playoff, and then they played eighteen three more times.
Damn.
Yeah.
It was good though, it was good, but felt bad for that one guy. Though one hundred and forty three times you've been top three fifteen times and you never won, that's.
Still he still win a lot of money.
Fuck yeah fuck yeah yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, yeah, I think I think it said his projection with his finish was because now they're in the playoff is he's like eighth, So he's ranked eighth out of the last fifty players, but yet he still has never won a d but because he always finishes around top ten. Yeah, so anyway, all right, let's wrap this bitch up with the bone. Yeah, one eighty eight. Michael Irving ain't great. Fuck you b word. Catch you next week.
Later.
I'm fucking tired.
Yeah, how dark's your next joke?
Uh?
West African?
Okay okay?
Why do you pedophiles not win races? They like to come in a little behind.
Damn