Yeah, yeah, jerk off alone now.
Always was.
I just don't have to hide in the bathroom.
This sink's been going an awful long time. Mind your fucking business.
I can jerk off a load.
Get peace. You guys ready, it's more fuel efficient. I was ready.
Whenever I'll do it, we'll get thirty seconds. You got? Do you think you got thirty seconds in you?
Always?
It's a question for you right now?
What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hairline?
Nice?
Mm hmm? Check you you with the joke, you with the joke.
I had to explain to my son today that he is my past and I am his future. He did not understand that I was, like listen, at one point, I had a jew fro, I had a big fucking head of hair.
Did he ask you to help him hang himself?
After hearing that comment? He he doesn't believe it. He doesn't understand that it's coming.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, you pissed and tupperware when you were a kid. Let's pretty widen the clock.
He took your ship and molded it into places, did a bowl.
And then put it and then he put it in a fucking little container.
Do you think this is also another throwback? Do you think if cell phone technology is what it is today when you were his age, do you think your number of special photographs saved to the phone would have been?
Oh? Absolutely today lazy gets the lengths that I went to to check out my dad's Easy Rider magazines.
Oh fuck yeah, see back and back in our time. I don't know yet about Stone like this is right around the cusp of big change, but I know at least for me speaking which I assume then for you, dum is, you would put your dad's vdjess in that you found, and you'd have to know exactly the second it started, because it was never at the beginning. Ever, it was mid scene of Ron Jeremy just thrusting into some tan line broad Yeah.
Absolutely seven minutes.
So this is episode one, Seve by the way, we were in the middle of conversation, so you can just hold your horses be like, b word. He's like, what episode are we on again? He already knows the answer though. But it's Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all the special moms out there. You know, you know who you are. You're not listening to this because you ran away on life.
But you know, Happy Mother's Day. We love you, We love moms especially, so thanks.
Yeah, you can't be a milf without a mom. Hyeah, dome's currently an ilt.
I'd like the fu like I'd like the fuck. Yeah, somebody get this met A pocket post.
Is the longest I've ever gone. Dude still doesn't want to put the I've ever Gone'm by my period, sorry and now and now it's all on me. It's at the spiteful stage. I'm like, fuck this, like go fuck yourself now. Now I'm just angry. It's like whatever, I've never I think I've only ever said no like twice in my life.
That's actually a statement, Like anybody that knows you, there's there's a reason why you your life is so chaotic sometimes because you never say no.
Yep, ever it's pretty rough. One of those times you said no was to a two pay kind.
Of said, I will never put on a two pay. I have worn wigs before, but it was like in ingest, so do you.
Just have to like super glue of Yamaica? Then like do you get to stick?
You got two options?
What do they do for people?
Either take those you can either take those fucking suction cups and you stick it to the inside, so you know the ones that go on the windows.
Or you can just take off the bottom.
You can take you know those titty those titty tags.
That that girls have, that women have, they cover the nipples. Yeah, the sticky Yeah, you just put that on the inside pasty and so it sticks to the back of the yamaica and then to the back of the head.
Like the when you said pop top, the immediate thought that I had was like one of those kids toys, Like yes, like he's sitting like in the synagogue and like it pops randomly and hits some lady in the eye. Oh my god, it hit me writing the eye.
That's one thousand percent when I've bett the fuck up.
Babs trying to fucking hear a rabbi over here to talk about he's gonna rail everyone's wife tonight.
Well, how was dumbhou?
My week was fantastic?
Well, I mean.
We he was full of excitement and wonder and uh yeah tell us more man, let me tell you.
I so I speaking of wonder.
I wonder who our new producer is.
Gonna tell you? I can't do a worse job, so I ended up running to California. I went to San Jose. I flew into San Jose, which was like one of the smallest airports I've ever been at, but coming out of Vegas, I had a three hour flight delay, and then I sat in the plane for an additional hour and a half. It was such a long fucking Tuesday to get from Vegas to San Jose. And I got to San Jose and it took me two hours to get through traffic to get to the city I was
trying to go to. But then on Wednesday, I had a really cool day where I got to visit this new Mercury mine, well new to me. It's been around since the seventeen hundreds, and it was really really interesting to learn all about how they made the Mercury, some of the furnaces that they had, and what they used. And I got to play with some new tools, and I met a really nice PM for the EPA who was by far one of the smartest individuals I've ever met in my life. She man, she like, I feel
stupid on a regular daily basis all by myself. I do it to myself all the time. But this woman made me feel massively under educated, which yah, yeah, absolutely, oh absolutely, oh absolutely, I am.
I am the epitome.
Listen, Okay, I'm gonna give away a little bit with my job. I am the epitome of faked till you make it for.
Those who haven't picked up the pieces episodes.
I there is a button that switches off in me when I get to work, right, like you guys here and listen to the fun side of me, the stupid side of me. I feel comfortable with you, right, so I feel like I am in a safe place and you guys see the dumb josh. But when I'm at work, I'm very charismatic. I will admit that I do have a way about it about carrying myself and the demeanor in which I deliver the product that my company wants me to deliver, right, and I do know enough to
get by. But who boy, am I the epitome of fakety? You make it?
Man? Just saying I mean you know what, dude, Like everybody in fucking Congress and shit, all those fuckers, that's their motto, fagot to you make it. Half of them don't even know.
What they I mean, think about it. Everybody has had to fake it to make it because at some point you were put in the position you're in and you had no clue what the fuck you were doing.
And I and I do, I do know what I'm doing, but not not to the level of some of the people that I interact with. Like when I tell you that that some of the people that I interact with are some of the smartest minds in the United States, it's not an over exaggeration, Like they are subject matter experts for a reason, and when you're in a room with them, some of them make you feel extremely stupid, and not not because they're bad people. It's just they're
just incredibly smart. Like they are. They are the ones that runs the lectures. They are the ones that when you go to these conferences, like like you you go to these conferences, right, and you sometimes speak It is the same situation. These are the people that get up in front of other in front of groups hundreds of people. They're the valedictorians that speak at fucking Harvard. It's it's insane. I don't believe. I don't belong. I do not belong
in the circles in which I run. Sometimes period, you.
Could speak at like Southampton Institute Technology Community College can get.
But so work, work was actually really cool.
Work was fun.
And then I turned around and came back late Friday, Friday afternoon and are Thursday, sorry Thursday. And then Friday went to absolute shit. Uh, personal life took a weird turn that we're not going to discuss. But we're here. You know, belt hasn't wrapped around the neck yet. So Saturday dicked around. Sunday went and met up with you guys. Ironically, I found a sasquatch sighting, so we went to We went to the Mother's Day Arts and Crafts Fair, which is a ritual for me and my mom. We've gone
every year since I was like twelve. And when I was there, I spotted Jordan in the wild and I took a picture and I kid you not, it looks exactly like a sasquatch sighting, Like it's Jordan's sideways.
Yeah it does.
It's all blurry. It's not even a good pictures all. Fuck, it's not.
Yeah, it's not.
So don't ever come at me with Android's got a better camera ever, Because that picture I took it in a rush and I'm trying to give you credit that I that you know how to take pictures.
It was bad.
When I saw it, I was like, what am I looking at?
Yeah, I took it in a rush, and it was it was a pure accident because this camera does take great pictures. But it was pure accident, and I just I kept it because it was so fantastic. I don't think I didn't send it to a I'll send it to him now.
No. It was funny, though. What about you Stone, how was your week?
My week was, uh man, it was like a mac truck hit me throughout the week. You know, came in Monday, problems came in Tuesday, problems came in Wednesday, problems came in Thursday. Problems, right, and so yeah, like it was funny, like I did to take this test to go up the next possession that I want to be in. I felt so confident. So it was just delusion of like three hours of sleep I was running off of and I missed it by one question and I was raging.
I was so mad, kind of threw like a little hyss and then came in came in the next day and I have like a full, like raging eight hours of sleep and I was like, you were such a little bitch yesterday. But it was so validating that I came in and my supervisor was like, hey, so some of the feedback that you gave me about that test, I went and give it to a manager because I agree with you. And I was like, oh was it big a little bitch?
Oh right?
Thank god. I was coming in here to apologize for you my dad, and I felt like I was being a fucking dumb ass yesterday. I was. I was on three hours of sleep and I was being a whindy little bitch. She was like, no, like you shd have some good points and I was like, okay, cool, thanks, appreciate you. But then I got a message from HR and they were like, hey, so that position that you
want in the finance department. So they're suspending taking applications because they didn't have anyone set in an application and the resume that they were impressed with. And I was like, I was in that pool.
Yeah, so okay, I have something to say about that, all right. I have I have some friends and some family who have been looking for jobs for quite some time now, and I have this conspiracy theory that companies right now are opening up positions with the false ideology or false idea that anyone is going to actually get the job. So it's just a fri it's a ruse.
It's fake.
Yeah, you like there, there's not really an opening fixture. A.
We can't see it. It's too bright.
Yeah, we've already it. I took it and said it to him, but thanks. But yeah, the position's fake, so.
That the position's fake that these companies are these companies have something to benefit from keeping these fake positions open, but they do it and there is never, ever, ever any intent to fill the position.
You know, it would actually make a whole lot of sense because when you look at the market Salary Range report that has generated from my company, and it shows you every single position that is within like director right, so like director and up is like exempt from it because it's fucking the executive status. You're making millions at
that point. But that position like reinsurance reinsurance specialist, right, that position like you start at one ten a year, right, and then it like goes to like senior and it's like one thirty, and then it goes to consultant. It's like one eighty, right, and that's it there's no other range for that. That's it. That's its own position. Like you don't get to be a soup manager senior, like
nothing like that is it for that entire position. So like it would make sense if that was like a position kind of like a mafioso kind of thing, you know, where like the mafia guys all had construction jobs and quotations. You know, Like what if like the reinsurance job really was just going to some duds, like some fucking hit man or something, a hit man for insurance companies.
Like there's some government there's some government agencies and some nonprofit organizations that are doing it.
And they're doing it. I know this for a fact.
They're doing it because they get certain grants based on the amount of times or amount of positions that don't get filled. So it's like there's things that cover the actual unavailability of employees. So it's like it's like they're they're saying that they can't fill the position, so they need help essentially, and and and that's sneaky and tricky, but.
That's a good point. And like when I was looking at another insurance company, they had like six hundred positions open, and I was like, why on God's green Earth do you have that many positions open? Doesn't make sense, But that makes a whole lot of sense right there if they get grants for having a certain amount of open.
So, how was your week interesting?
It was pretty good.
Yeah.
I didn't do a whole lot until this weekend. And then I put a new thermostat in the house, which that went pretty is one of those.
Voice activated ones, is like AI where you you could attach it to your phone or is it just a basic.
You can you can use your phone. There is an appys it's like one of the smart system ones. It's not quite AI, but yeah. And then also in the same trip, a new ceiling fan got put in to change out my daughters ceiling fan, my oldest daughter, because I already had changed out my youngest daughters, and so I was like whatever. And actually I would say the actual process of the fan was not a big deal
as a whole. What would have been nice is if in the instruction book they said, listen, just go to this link right here and watch this video on this exact fan, and all your problems will go way. Instead you're trying to read this book. And then finally you find a piece of paper that you know you've about to give up hope, and you know you can't really hang yourself because the fans not in place, so you're just stuck in a non suicide position, a non chest yourself.
But they so, if you've ever putten wires together, like a ceiling fan or anything, you put these wires together and they have a little end cap, right that twists on. Well, there's these new ones that look like an Ethernet port and that's what these had, right, So this there's a little again they plug the pops up and then you shove the wire in and then you close it.
Yeah, it's kind of like the water resistant.
Well, it would be also nice if in the instructions they said make sure that the little clamp that opens is fully extended to ninety degrees, otherwise your wire will not stay in. And so but once I saw this video, then I was like, oh, this all makes more sense now, And it was like a sixteen minute video on this exact fan and so fans good, three out of five stars for the instructions, but the fans good.
So that was mine.
And then today went to that Mother's Day fair and yeah, so Mother's Day and we were talking behind the scenes before we started recording. Uh Stone's over here flexing on the moms today wearing just a dad Was it say, just a dad's girl, just a dad and his girl. Yeah, just fucking flexing on you females like fucking Rosie o'donald with a cock.
I've been pulling double duty now for the last four years, so you know. I remember the first year, somebody was like, happy Mother's Day to you, and I was like, why are you doing that? And they were like, because you do the double duty, you know the mom's out there. And I was like, you said duty, I guess I do. And so I've just embraced it every year now. I'm like, yeah, that's what it ismosas.
Oh yeah, it's Goodmoses on Mother's Day.
Fuck yeah, baby, let's go. We also hit the pool first day of the pool season. God damn good today. Hell yeah it was. It was eighty one, like midday.
Like it all this Suddens have been really high.
It all of a sudden hit like ninety five here like a week ago, and then I went and checked the pool and I was like, holy shit, is it really seventy eight?
Right now.
I was like, all right, let's a cleaned the bitch out. And then yeah, the other day it was like eighty three, and I was like, okay, well I need to add some more chemicals to it and clean up some shit, and uh, let's fucking get in there. Let's go. Yeah.
So we opened my pool a couple of weeks ago, and some shit went down with the cover being on. I actually think birds poked holes in it, really, because I've never taken that cover off and uncovered a mess of nothing but pure algae in the pool. And so I have it almost like mint, ready to go. My son actually got in this afternoon before dinner to help finish vacuuming it out, because it was a bitch of
a project. Like the first vacuuming and second vacuuming stretches you couldn't even see what you were vacuuming because it was so murky. And so now, you know, like African kids would drink this shit. It looks so good.
It's got a little bit further to.
Go in my opinion before.
Yeah, but you're already to get in about stuff, you know that eighty degrees.
I just want it to be nice, like I want the pool to be like pristine and crystals.
Your your African kid mentioned actually plays into something that wrote down here for you guys. What does a malnutrition African child in a commercial and a set of flowers have in common?
They both die after seven days?
Yeah, they both hold their job for about a week and then die off.
Speaking of children, we have a new game that I presented to you guys. Yeah you remember, so this is the no Okay, well then me and I didn't know it? Well yeah, I mean yeah, okay, did you actually get some Okay, let's let's tell. Let's tell the people that are the two people that are listening with the with you. So I came up with this idea three, I'm listen. Came up with this idea anyway where we ask our kids to either rename something or describe something for us.
Uh. And then you guys and I will.
Have to tell the other two what that description was, what the name was, and we have to guess. So call this whatever the fuck you want. Who wants to go first.
Go for it, Stone.
I'll go first, all right, this from my kid. I had to do three little descriptive phrases for each of these first one. It's long, it's black, and we walk on.
It Grandma's dildo.
No, I'll give you. I'll give you another shut long it's black, treadmill it's long. Yes, good job, good job.
All right, I got one. Uh So my son called this the pincher. Said, okay, can you describe it? He goes, yeah, pinchy, pinchy on bag, a bag clipper, well, chip clip, all right.
Yeah, one that I asked my son, I said, hey, what is this because it is a fun stage where I've not taught him shit about tools because I don't know shit about tools and I was never taught about shit about tools, which is funny because my dad is a union carpenter, retired union carpenter. But I asked him what this device was, and he said, that's the thing you used to help open the pool.
Any clue what that might be?
Thing you used to help Soccer wrench the street driver.
No, Soccer's pretty damn close.
Is a monkey range monkey ranch? Okay, that was gonna be my next guest.
I went, I thought he was gonna be dumber.
You know, I will tell you speaking the pool real quick. Backtrack on that last year because we weren't doing this podcast, so people didn't maybe didn't know about it. But we put an above ground pool back in twenty one, right. I changed the piping to PVC piping last year, and I put in those on and off switches in the middle of both sides. Those things have been a insane life saver with cleaning and taking care of the pool. I mean it makes it. It's like a night and
day difference. I'm so glad I put those in it.
All Right stones.
Anyway, dome stone, whoever wants to go?
All right?
Next one, it's square, its colors are red and blue, and it's portable. Fuck final actually her her exact words, where we can take it with us on the go.
Toothbrush portable speaker? What was your what was your guest?
Toothbrush? No, good guess, one more time, one more try, lunchbox.
I don't know.
No, square, it's red and blue. I think that's I think that's definitely the the best clue right there. Deodorant, No, it is a Nintendo switch.
All right?
Hold on, did you say he was close with toothbrush?
No? I said, good guess? Okay, sorry I got confused. Well, they're both electric toothbrush is electric.
I'm still at the one from the fucking dentist visit that I had five years ago, like the sixth grade.
And they show up and say, hey, suck, toothbrush is dare written on it? I dare you?
Your teeth was originally exhaust bristl Bristol's.
Yeah, he has like the two little bristles left.
All right, it's just the plastic of this. Okay, here we go. So this one was for Grayson again too. His his his description was fast people helmet big.
Uh, people who ride motorcycles.
Not NFL, not even close.
Uh.
He had one other description, beat poop.
That was the name police.
Yeah, bet poop. No Star Wars. Uh, he's been playing a video game lately.
Mario Ray's a fucking mech. It's a robot mech.
I was like, all right, sounds good.
Mh.
I asked Ellie, I said, what do you think? What do you think this is called? And she said, oh, those are those are face cutters.
Like a razor. Yeah, yeah, face I like it. That's cute. This one should be really easy, I asked Avery, and she said, it's white, it has cookie dough, and it tastes really good ice cream. Yes, I go for some cookie dough ice cream right now. Mm hmmmmmm.
I'd go for that root beer float ice cream fer Pi.
I had the munchies. I was like, I was like eight deep in the monkey Land.
Is that from the schwan Man?
No, it's Bluebell, but with the Bluebell one Bluebell. They make a doctor Pepper float.
Also, yum me. I love me some blue Bell. It's probably my favorite ice cream.
It wasn't until the whole hysteria issue like ten years ago. Dude, you know when they came back strong though.
That that to me, I sensed conspiracy behind that because they were overtaking the entire market, and I think Anderson, Blue Bunny and all those were like, fuck, then we need to get them now. Because once they had the whole hysteria bullshit, it wasn't as simple like hey take it off the shelf, or it wasn't as simple as like hey, gone completely gone. Nobody carried them besides Texas, which is where they originated in like Midwest, and then
it took them ten years to come back bullshit. They banded together to get them the fuck out of the market because they were taking over the market.
I like the I do feel I feel like that's a very good description because I feel like they were.
It doesn't make sense super super on.
The way, Yeah they were, Yeah, it doesn't. They were the best. They were the best in the business for a while.
Yeah, it doesn't make any sense until they were.
Yeah, I got another conspiracy. Yeah, uh, this is the ring ding. That's what my daughter called it. The ring ding. What she's rectangular with a very bright light on the front of it, the ring doorbell.
That's that was my first guess.
Yep, she gave me one other clue.
But the second I say, that's gonna give it away. So are you ready for it?
Flash now?
Flashlight.
There's a fruit on the back of it, and there's little clickie things on the side.
My fruit of the lum underwear. Those are no longer bright.
M h.
Brown apple fruit.
I did not give it away at all, maybe.
Probably, says the says the person who looks at one every day claims they're better than everything else, literally everything.
Well, you know you got any more?
Yeah, I got two more. You got any more? You go for it? Okay, it's big, it's blue, it's wet.
What is a blue waffle?
Big?
Is blue, it's wet. Grandma's dildo.
The pool, Yes, the pool, the pool.
I do you got any more?
So?
String box? You can hold it by its neck and it has a body.
Yep.
Guitar.
Mhm nice.
Mine was. It's long, it's black, it's pointy, spatula.
I'm gonna say, what is also the guitar? Since you said mine was woe? Don't need eyes for that?
Do you beg it? Oh?
You you look in my eyes?
You look, you look, you look? You will I got one more?
She called it the cactus fish.
What is Grandma's still.
Be fantastic? Yeah, puffer fish?
She creepy and that. But this is the this is the best part. She goes, she goes, you can get high off of me.
I was like, what the fuck?
Yeah, creatures.
She goes, creatures can get high off of me.
I was like, oh, the other description was I blow up like a balloon, I get prickly. I'm small but mighty, and some people bully me.
I was like, okay, my penis, Yeah, I love it.
That's good.
Okay, what next you were supposed to do? You're supposed to have a dirty joke here.
You're supposed to come in red. Oh, I don't know.
How about we just take a break and do some channely news.
No, I don't want to do that either, some news.
Welcome back to Channel the News. I'm your host, Squirt Mudbottom joining me later. His chip, sell it quick and a storm blowing. In our first story, a Pennsylvania woman faces charges after a video allegedly captured her defecating on a car in what police say it was an act of road rage. Christina Solomeadow, forty four, was arrested in connection with the prospective connection. Have you seen the video? This woman literally shat on another woman's car after eating
taco bell. It looks like a case closed chip.
What do you got for us? Thank you, mister Mudbottom. I'm still trying to clean out my car to this date. It was a beautiful white car and now it has the brown spot on the hood. Quite pested about it. However, I am not quite pissed about the outcome of a certain recent boxing fight. Apparently a big promoter has been putting on a bunch of YouTube stars to go and
box each other for our entertainment. One particular night, Dana White of the UFC came out to go ahead and witness one of the greatest feats we've ever seen in martial arts, and that is one of the Island boys got his shit rocked, and I really hope to see
his brother get rocked his shit as well. In the fight, we could see that the brother of the Island Boys didn't I know what the fuck he was doing in the boxing fight at all, and we saw him get his shit rocked hard by another boxer who really had no idea what the fuck he was doing either, but at least knew how tod fight a little bit. And the Island boy was like, oh, I didn't have the right training, I didn't have the right no whatever wrap onund in my hands to be able to fight with her. No,
my vatina, we don't give a fuck. We want to see you get your face beating. And that was a glorious day. And I shall put it back to you, mister Malbottom, as I will toast Pinki's out, bitches.
Pinkies out. Indeed, fuck them Island boys. Storm are you their storm yeller?
Squirt?
What's going on? Chipper Rooney has ship to you.
I'm pumped up, man, we will We've got storms coming in all hot and heavy. Ain't nothing get me harder than op than a good stormlight open again, Casey, Anthony's trash can lid fucked too, man.
You know, look, God, I'm telling you what, squirt.
I've seen some storms in my days, and uh, these ones that we've got to come in here in the next few weeks are gonna leave the United States, whether than Miss Johnson's pennies. When the Piggy Wiggly has their all you can eat shrimp cocktail buffet. You know, you guys are eating so much shrimp that you start to glow.
Fuck man.
Last time them down down there at the Pigley Wiggily opened up the buffet, the wrinkle wrinkle lip, Ricky said.
Miss Johnson's coot shoot tastes like pennies.
For a week.
You know, I don't mind chewing on penny now and then, but fuck man, if it's gonna make my fucking whiskers glow.
I don't know. Anyways.
Uh, you guys better get your raincoats and your fishing gears out because the boys storms blowing She too, Becky, you.
Storm did you give us the weather? I did?
I didn't hear.
Storms blowing in in in Oh.
Is that in fahrenheit or Celsius?
What the fuck does that mean?
I'm in the United States.
I ain't in the fucking I believe it to me, it's just get on with the fucking show.
In our last segment, this is a part of the part of the piece. There's been a big hooplah storm if you will, of the question of one hundred men versus.
Gorilla storm Doe, you ain't fun.
I got a gorilla down the fucking corner, name fucking it named Jeremy.
He beats shit out of man.
I watched it too, Now do TOPII whiley As a matter of fact, last time we had shrimp buffet fucking all you can eat Jared Jeremy there, motherfuckers was eating his hands.
Who so okay, So I guess men would beat the gorilla. You had it there on Channel D News. Thank you Storm for Storm, for chip. I'm squaring my bottom. Catch you next week or month or whatever.
I just really want to hear storm of blowings. Just say buffet again because it was so cute. I pronounced buffet. It was adorable. It was adorable. I just want to have that as my ringtone.
It's like Chipperoni. Fuck I am speaking of chipper Rooney. I am excited. I am gonna take this week off and I am going to spend as much time as humanly possible on the golf course this week. I'm gonna mix it in a little bit of a little bit of home work and projects and some golf.
So I'm excited.
I'm gonna send you as many photos as I can of me on the golf course while you're at work.
I'm gonna put the over understone. This is to you over under on times he actually golfs this week. Anything to do with golf that's not at his house one and a half over and under.
I'm gonna go half.
Oh okay, all right, you guys know what the difference is between a girls track team and a band of pygmies.
M hmm.
A band of pygmies is just a bunch of cunning runs. Mmmmm hmm.
All right, whoa josh?
Feel Yeah?
What do you got?
This was waiting for the joke to happen. I guess it's just not gonna you want to talk about the National Hula Hoop League.
I sure do.
As a matter of fact, I do. I did not keep score from the first round. I don't know what who had what and where and how and when, but yeah, let's go. Let's go over it. So second round of the Hulu Hoop League. It's all. It's in mid full swing currently and uh so let's go. First matchup. You want to do Easter or West? Easter West? Before you eat food?
You fast? What was it you're doing another one?
Oh boy, that's gonna be it.
Well, we're gonna one an hour ago and nothing happened whatever five leagues later. Don't upside down doing the podcast picture.
Amazing? Say Easter West? I'm sorry, Okay. First matchup, the Winnipeg Jets squeaked by the Saint Los Blues, and by squeaks by if you're not a hockey fan. Uh they tied the game with one point four seconds left in the third period of Game seven, and then they win it in overtime. Holy shit, So they move on.
The crazy part about this bullshit is they went on. They're now facing the fucking night or no, no, that's not the Knights, that's not never mind, just kidding, that's oilers kidding because the same thing happened to the fucking Oilers with the Knights on their last game. Well I'm jumping ahead. Never mind, maybe this thing's kicking in all right, the first one.
Fuck, yeah, there we go. So Winnipeg moves on in the first round, squeaks by Dallas moved on. They beat Colorado. So first matchup Winnipeg versus Dallas.
Dumb? Who do you got Dallas?
Dallas is too talented?
Too deep?
H Dallas?
Okay?
Uh stoned?
Yeah, I think on. You know, somehow the stars like got pulled out of the avalanche and somebody found their nipples. One of them was pierced, and so they're coming around with the metal detector and that's how they found them. But definitely they were like, we need to go somewhere fucking hotter o, my god, and you know fucking divas or divas, you know, they go down to Dallas and they're like, yeah, is this uh? Is this how Dallas parties? And they forgot to drink any water. They just died
of dehydration because it's fucking hot. A ship down there, you know, uh sucks, the fucking suck. But you know, the jets are taken off like they always do, you know, So I guess we're just gonna the Jets win it.
Okay, uh, we're talking about basketball. I am, I am. I am also taking the Stars as Dome. I'm sticking with my original predictions and I actually have the Stars winning the Stanley Cup this year at the first round before the playoffs started. Next matchup the Vegas gold Knights. This is my personal absolute worst favorite matchup of the second round because I'm excited it's Vegas Golden Knights and Edmonton Oilers. I'm excited for the offensive powerhouse in this matchup.
I am upset that one of these two is moving on and yeah, so it's hard for me. I had the Kings actually moving on in this round. I had them beating the Knights. So I'll stick with the people that beat the Kings and go Edmonton in this one. I'm gonna have them take this series in. I'm gonna say six stoned Edmonton Oilers, Vegas Golden Knights, well home team for you. You want to stick with the homies.
So yeah, you know, as everybody heard the last time, which is really just three of you, the King bit the dust, you know, and the milkshake was DrAk. We'll probably went out for the homide for the King, but then the oiler, you know, struck gold and wanted to go put it all in Vegas, put all in black, as they say, But you got challenged to a duel and lost that fucking duel because it's fucking Vegas and that Knight is a little fucking cunt, you know what
I mean. It's a little turd that won't flush, you know, just won't go away. Fact Knight's take it, okay, don't.
I don't really care about this one. I hope that they fucking both just I don't know, somehow fucking lose. But I think the I think that the Knights will win this series.
Think they're gonna come back and do it.
Think it's gonna I think it's gonna happen.
While we're recording this. They're down two to one in the series and their win last night, they had the lead, they blew the lead with like a minute left and then they scored with point four seconds left before it got to overtime. And they needed that win because if they go down three to zero to Minton, they were buried, buried. And I still think they even though they won that game, I still think they're being they.
Are I will that they are, but it's one of those things where it.
Could be a shift.
Now, yeah, the Panther. We'll get to the east here in a minute. But so you said Vegas. Okay, okay, so let's hop over to the east. Next matchup Toronto and Florida. Toronto Maple leafs Florida Panthers defending Stanley Comme Champions Dome.
Who I have said this that I think the Panthers are overrated. I think that this is their demise year.
I think that they are one and done.
I am gonna sick with the maple Leaves, even though on paper, I understand why the Panthers are the better team.
Okay, okay, Stone, I think everybody knows that the Panthers like drown and maple syrup. You know, shout out to Antemima and she opens up laibe floodgates are going.
You know what I'm saying, that is the Pearl Milling Company.
Now nobody gives a ship that sticky ichy uh. Okay.
So you said Toronto's your pick? Yeah, okay, I in my bracket that I made, I do it. I did actually have Toronto beating Florida in this round. I'm going to stick with it. While we're recording this, it is two to two, and I actually think Florida has flipped the switch because in the first two matchups, Toronto looked completely in control of the series, and even in the third matchup where Florida won, Toronto looked in control of most of the most of that game like they were
gonna win. But I'll stick with Toronto. Last matchup, Washington Capitals and the Carolina Hurricanes stoned.
Everybody knows the Hurricane's greatest weakness is cocaine. The Capital's got plenty of it. I mean, how the fuck do you think they fudge all those reports that Doge found. I stole it all from the Senators quite frankly. But that's what happens when you have the top dog taking ship. So yeah, Capitals move on due to a cokeminging problem the Hurricane found.
I have the Capitals moving on as well, Dome.
So I have the Capitals, but I will admit I think I made a mistake.
It's fair.
Yeah, it's that simple. It's fair. I just I don't like I don't like you. I don't like anybody that's in.
The fucking playoffs except for Dallas, like Dallas is the only one that I really give a ship. Oh well, that's not true that I have. I have made it very well known. I don't want to say it out loud on the podcast because then that makes it real. There is one team that I think does more than anyone thinks they're going to. You and I have talked about it, Jordan, So we talked about it once. My my dark horse team lost for this year.
Yeah, I don't remember who it was, so I'm so.
You know, I just said I don't want to I don't want to bring it to light on the podcast because that makes it too real and I don't want to jink some.
All right, well whatever, that's the fucking round.
And they're fucking curses curses.
Okay, fine whatever, you fuck me?
Fuck you.
I got a question. What kind of pasties do you like to see? Or do you not care to see pasties?
What do you mean like, what kind of like do you like?
Like if you had to choose, like would you see would you want like a design like a star like let's say you haven't like Let's say let's say let's say you and the wife were having like, you know, a moment where she was like, I'm gonna spice it up and I'm gonna come out and be all sexy for you, Like, would you want a design on the pasty or would you care if it was just like a like a circle, like a tassel or some ship or like a star or.
Maybe like a fucking smiley face.
I think it's gonna be something fun. Just some kind of cover is not very cool? Yeah, something cool, A little bit of a little bit of zip.
To the match panties.
Maybe it's like a it's a gnome spinner?
Yeah, where is it? Okay? So hold on?
Is it the head? Is it?
Is it a gnome head that spins?
Okay, yes, yes, but yeah, but it has the question the question first with a little fuzzy ball, So that spinning with the head, right, that's okay, that's not obviously not on your wife's tits.
But there's a little fucking Dad's on dayqual logo like right in the hat. Love it representing the bedroom?
Love it for what about you?
I I would like I would like some design. I think just a circle. Is it maybe like some candy, you know, some candy I can eat like, you know, like.
Your fucking candy corn.
Yeah, candy cord tassels come that with just a candy corn on the nipple.
It's just propped up and they're walking all careful, like you can't build a candy cord.
Get them pierced so they can hold like little baggies.
So you got like gummy bears in one, candy corn in the other.
You have variety, you.
Like, you like, bite the candy corn off and you're eating it and you're like, why is this taste like Elmer's glue? How the fuck do you think I got him on there? That'd be terrible. Could you imagine gluing something in your nipple?
Fuck? That that sounds miserable. I don't know, it's that sounds miserable.
Not that bad. No, it might be into it might be he I mean, it sounds better than when the doctor dropped whatever you tensil on my nut that was not numbed up. That one that probably is worse than that.
You got a little sack tab. You did tell that on the pot you did.
Yeah, yeah, he was working on one and then he dropped like it what it what it felt like? It felt like a fucking what it felt like even though it wasn't, but it felt like a crescent wrench hit my nut.
It was probably the four steps.
It was probably the fucking and he goes it's something he was and he was like, oh, I'm so sorry, but yeah, of course he's working on one. The other one wasn't numb yet and he's sack.
Speaking of sackedap, did you see Adam at the at the Uh? Yeah, I did, the fucking asshole. He's like, hey, so, why why haven't you called or like come hung out or anything. I was like, fucking phone works.
Two ways, bud. Yeah.
Not if you're like, you have my number, you're more than welcome to invite me to any of the stupid fucking things that you have going on to you know that right, Like I don't know them unless you tell me. So there's that. Yeah, sure, so that works. We were sitting there talking and there did you see that one booth? There was a booth that it was very you know, uh, maga, maga uh where the guy had like black guns matter shirt. Did you see that one? And he had a bunch
of tasers. He had a bunch of fucking yes. Oh, me and Adam, Me and Adam were sitting talking and you just hear there was some fucking dude who shocked himself with the taser at the booth.
Nice. He was fantastic.
I look over and he's just his face was bright red and he's chuckling, and his wife is just their heads down and she's just in disbelief.
That he did it.
And I was like, it's a fucking it's a first off, it's a man. It's it's a man in kingman, and you let him have free range of a fucking taser of a pocket taser, Like, what did you think.
Was gonna happen?
Yeah, he'd probably just be running out on the range with it. Since he's free on the range.
Must be nice.
Oh by the way, way speaking fucking so speaking speaking of Mother's Day today, So this year, in true fucking fashion, my daughters were like, hey, are you gonna be home for the daddy daughter dance? And I was like, I don't know when is it? I didn't I don't know what the date is. And my my eldest pops up and she's like, well, it's Father's Day, duh. And I was thinking to myself, I was like, that's fucked up, Like Don't get me wrong, I'm going right like and
I want to go to the daddy daughter dance. But of all fucking days to put a daddy daughter dance, you put it on Father's Day to just give us another fucking obligation. Like, yeah, it's just incredible, dude, How how shit on this quote unquote holidays?
Who do you think puts those women?
Women? Exactly the right answer. It's wild, dude.
Fuck you think you're gonna go do something your Father's Day, take your dance, You're gonna get dress up like a fucking monkey, and you're gonna pamper your daughter or daughters.
And don't get me wrong, I've got I'm fine. I'm here for it, Like I'm good with spoiling my daughters.
But hey, maybe you could pick up some singles at a daddy daughter dance. Yeah, you never know. Listen, it's twenty twenty five. She identifies as a male, but she's still a she.
All I'm gonna hold would you any any any?
Would you?
I'm not gonna say what I'm about to say. No, it's rude, it's say it. Do you think women are listening to this? At fifty five minutes? Do you think women are listening to us.
Fair point. Any woman that's at a daddy daughter dance, it's probably there alone for a reason. Dude, Let's just put it that way.
Maybe it's like, maybe it's like a j they're covering both sides, both holidays.
Or maybe they're like Caitlyn Jenner, they still want to go live out the glory days. Maybe would you?
Hm, you wouldn't like if they still had their holes and they were you got them. They identified as Timothy the.
Question, and you.
Guys start having beers on Father's Day talking about grills and talking about sausages, and then Timothy all of a sudden gets too drunk and turns into Tiffany.
Okay, which is a different question. I said no to it. I thought you were asking if I went to this specific daddy daughter dance, would I pick up? Would I try and pick up and hit on a woman?
Okay, why not?
That's a separate question we could answer my first.
I answer that and your question better now. Yeah.
Yeah, like doesn't have the legs under she's got new balances on, she's flipping a burger, she's.
Telling you dad jokes from underneath you.
I mean, since you turn on, she's grilling. She's grilling while she's drilling.
Good, hold on, I got some ship on the bed. I'm gonna move it out the way, and you just get hit with a nine iron stick.
As like this title is prob one, bitch.
I'm so sorry. I normally I normally don't sleep with my blacks in the dead, but I was in the middle of remodelings.
And looking like tiger woods. You're gonna be my caddie tonight. Shut the fuck up.
Tell me what the distance is. How is your drill bigger than mine? Jesus? Yeah?
Fuck it? Ye gotta try anything once.
You know what I mean.
Well, I don't know about that.
You don't gotta, but you could.
It's fine, all right, well whatever, alright, Well I think that's not that. We'll wrap this one up.
Wrap it up.
Oh that's way wetter than it was supposed to.
Better in your throat than your pants.
Taste that.
Is on dake.
Well, it's up someone seventy five. I'll catch you. That's gross later, wash your mouth.
Hey, guys, what's the difference between sand and vaginal discharge? I won't gargle sand.
Could you imagine trying to gargle sand.
Could you fucking imagine you guys ever done a cinnamon challenge? Like, I feel like it's pretty similar.
Exact same thing, brown sugar sand.
Let's find out it was. It was