Welcome to Dad's on dayclok. Parental discussion is advised mature content beyond this point.
Do you guys know what they call a terrorist that can swim?
Mm hmm.
A bath bomb?
I thought it was a torpedo, makes sense.
I don't remember the joke I said last night. That's the probably I didn't write it down.
Whoops.
This is what happens when the herpes infects the Dad's Ondaco episodes. But this is one seventy three. I'm non, I'm.
Dope, I'm stone baby.
All right?
Cool? Cool? Uh so doing over there?
Stoned? You're yeah, I open up a fucking novel.
M hm.
No answers like yeah, yeah, you're right, I'm tired TV a novel. What else should I be typing? Come like October, we'll be having this conversation like, hey, hey, my dudes, I uh, big day for me. I'm releasing my novel. But wait what yeah?
Yeah, so I told somebody. I told somebody the other day that I was gonna write a children's book, that I wanted to write a children's book, and their response, without hesitation, was fitting. I don't know how to take that, dude, Like, what the fuck that's honestly a great question. I don't know how to take it. And I just kind of looked at him. I was like, really, like, I mean I could see it. I was like, what the fuck does that mean? Is it an insult? Like it like, eh.
Could be, might not be.
Never got an answer. I don't know.
Well, it's now almost the middle of the week, So Dom, how is your week? Last week?
My week was pretty good. I stayed at the Ship's Creek Motel in Wine Country. I had to I had to go. I had to go to northern California, up to Napa County to do some work, and you know, I decided to pick the cheapest motel known de mand and it was it was bad. Yeah, it was. It was an experience. There weren't like cockroaches and stuff flowing around. There wasn't like any kind of liquid leaking from the
ceilings or anything like that. But the first like four windows that you come across had plastic bags taped over them, like like black plastic trash bags taped over them, and everything was an inconvenience to the front desk. Like the girl didn't show she was supposed to show up at seven and she never showed up toil like seven thirty multiple times, and you know, it just it was awkward. There was no no silverware or anything inside the room, Like the towels were kind of sketchy, but they used
them anyway. And then the internet was just hot garbage. But then I flew back to Vegas on Friday and had a really good time. In Vegas. I got to watch my daughter dance in some dance competition called Thunderstruck. She did really good for her first time doing this new solo dance. She nailed it. She ended up getting.
Eight eighth.
She had eighth overall at a forty five people, so which was really cool. And then a couple other dances she did with other people she took fourth out of like twenty four people on her duet, and then a couple other prizes that she got, so I was really proud of her. It was a good time. But the best part of the weekend for me was that I had gash and I mean like gas gas, like the kind of gas that clears out a room type gas. And so I have you ever.
Have you ever I'm not gonna say accident, have you ever farted? And then you accidentally like dropped something and had to turn around to pick it up, and you put yourself right into the fucking fire zone.
Not quite exactly like that, but I have, I have gassed myself multiple times. Yeah, oh yeah, absolutely where I've like re walked through it.
You know.
I think like the two worst places to gas yourself is in a small bathroom because it's like the toilet funnels it up. But the number one worst place is the shower, Yeah, because it's like you haven't even finished farting and the stench is already infiltrating your nose because the steam just picks it up hyper speed.
It's like a quick mic Tyson punch to the face. I would disagree with the stall, and I would put my car in place of the stall as my top two worst places too?
Is it only when the car is hot? Though?
It's worse when the car is hot? Okay, but yeah, but yeah, I literally, dude, I was walking around the hotel about ripping ass.
One more interruption? What about ripping ass and then getting into your car, because then you're carrying you're bringing it with yes, yeah, not while you're already in your car as you're getting.
In correct, yes, that is exactly like you. You're shitting your pants as you're walking to your car, thinking, thinking that you've done you know, yourself a service, you're good, and then you get in and you're like, oh no, that motherfucker held on like cliffhanger, like stallone, and it just came right in here with you. Yeah. But I dude, I was crop dusting people all weekend, all fucking weekend, and it was fantastic. And like I there some of them you could they were so bad you could hear
the gags of other people. They were audible.
So or maybe you were just at a swinger's convention. What we all know, Johnny six spec.
I don't think.
Never mind, Yeah, let's finish that sentence alright, Stone, how is yours?
By week?
Was pretty all right? I Avery told me, like the most grown ass thing she's ever sad. It was like really interesting. So there was this kid at her school's kind of being a little jerk and it's been like going around being really mean to a bunch of other kids, had a bunch of altercations with other kids and whatnot.
And I think it was in like her art class, this kid like ran up to Avery and just like decked her in the back and Avery kind of like fell and she was like crying, and her other friends kind of bandied around and was like protecting her and was like, no, like get away, you know, like this guy's being mean. And to put in perspective how being this kid is, there's a kid with alopecia in her in her glass, not her class, but another one. But
they all do like the same specials together. And I think one day in either art or library, that kid grabbed a cran and threw it at the kid's bald head and just started laughing so hard and I was like, God, if that kid's not Jordan, holy shit. But but I was talking with Avery. I was talking with Avery, and uh.
He gets funny the more you think about.
I was talking with Avery and I was like, you know, kid, like, I'm really proud of you for like not getting mad at that kid that punched you. And she was like, I was really really mad, and I was like yeah. I was like, do you want to hit him? And she was like I wanted to hit him so bad, but I didn't because I didn't want to get embarrassed. And I was like, what do you mean get embarrassed, and she was like, well, I didn't want to be embarrassed because I lost my cool in front of everybody
by going after him. And I was like, damn, that is not what would have happened with me. I would have been chasing that kid around the Paris or some ship. But like, that was the most grown ass thing I've ever heard her say, and it was just.
So fucking grow.
Yeah. Yeah, from a kindergartener, you know, like she's eons ahead of where the fuck I was at that age.
She's kind of an old soul dude.
Yeah, yeah, she's definitely kind of a definitely. Yeah. It was just so eye opening when she said that. I was like, I'm really proud of you, like really really proud of you, you know. And I know it's really hard to have those moments and you feel like you just want to hit him back because it's the right thing to do, but a lot of times it might not end up being the right thing to do, you know, and it sucks you have to kind of swallow your
pride in those moments. But you know, like, I'm really proud of you, and she was like, good, I like you being proud of me. And I was like, hell, yeah, kid, keep it up. You know love that kid, so proud of her. But other than that, it was just kind of normal routine week for me and no that else to report. Really what about you know me?
It's pretty good. I uh, as Dome was leaving California, I was infiltrating California. There's a law that there's not two dads on dequi it are allowed in California at the same time, because we'll turn it into an Eiffel Tower. It'd be a very odd scale Eiffel tower. It's like leaning tower, a piece of meats tower is how it would look. But nonetheless, I went to LA for a convention for work. It was a good time, and uh the I was really hoping we'd get there in time
so I could watch an LA Kings playoff game. But I got there the day after game two, and then I got home on Sunday and tonight's the first night back there. So but it would have been cool because I would have spent the money if I we were staying literally right next to Crypto dot Com arena, and had I been there and there was a playoff game, I don't even care if it was like four hundred bucks out of dropped the ticket to go to go to a fucking NHL playoff game like that. Yeah. Yeah, but and.
Now wild how it's Crypto dot Com arena, Like we're at that point now with acceptance of cryptook over the Staple.
Because it used to be Staples, Yeah, Staple Center and then it changed to Crypto dot Com. I don't know in the last five years. Well just wild wild right. Yeah, So but yeah, it was good. I came home and uh, everything, everything seems to be going good right now. And yeah, watching hockey, watching lots of hockey.
You you got to you got to go eat some fancy dinner with some fucking fancy people.
Okay, yeah, yeah one of the Okay, that was one of the things. So the went out with some medical reps for dinner and had had some fun.
That big pharma baby.
Yeah, they ain't paying, it's their company that's paying. Spend that money.
Uh.
They picked this place in Beverly Hills, right, And I asked my doctor, I said, who picked this place? And he said they did. And I'm like, because he's got that he's got that that little twinge to him that he likes to spend that money. But it wasn't he said, no, honestly, it was them. And dude, I tell you, Beverly Hills is not the place that I need to be because people there, like you see it on TV and movies
and even video games. You're like, that's not real, and then you go then and you're like it is real. Like there was this chick sitting at a table doing her hair like kind of like making faces, and her friend is holding her phone for her off to the side, just clicking taking pictures for her. And it wasn't even their table that they were seated at. They went to this other spot just to get a better picture and then went back to their table. And I was like,
cloud Chasers, what the fuck is happening right now? When we were getting ready to leave, a Rolls Royce suv pulled up and dropped people off. There was a lambo sitting in the front of the valet. I'm like, this is this is not my place? Yeah here, yeah, hey, where's mlka. I'm gonna start walking that way. You were even things out.
You were eating there, and I was sitting at a fucking Texas roadhouse with this sixteen year old kid across from me wearing a bright ass green wig with some weird shorts and an apron on, and I was like, that's got to be a costume, right, Like that's got to be for a reason.
You're staying at the same motel.
I am, Yeah, it was a It was all literally just for attention, Like this person was decked out, this kid was decked out as weird as you can imagine, just for attention they were only already have. It was. It was so awkward. I'm all for freedom of expression, I really am. I am all for freedom of expression, but there are certain times when it looks and it feels like it is simply just because you want to get attention.
It's attentions.
He can behavior.
They need that validation to live.
Yeah. Yeah. And lastly, about my trip was so like Dome stayed at the Shit's Creek Motel when he was in California. Uh, Stone stayed at a fucking motel six and fucking like Compton. And so my doctor is the one that made the hotel arrangements, and funny enough, so he picked a courtyard a courtyard Marriott. It's a three star hotel. I do not tell you this this courtyard. I would highly recommend it to anybody that's going to
that area. I stayed in a four star hotel in Chicago in October and it was not as good as this courtyard, Maryo. I was, yeah, like this courtyard should have been a four star in my opinion versus where I stayed in Chicago. That was like a more of a three star experience based on what it was.
What's crazy is it probably was a three star because of the location and because the assumption of what a five star should be is higher in that location that you were at. So in reality, that three star probably was more like four to four and a half to someone like us on a normal basis.
Well, the weird part is right across the street is the JW. Marriott, So you have the Marriott Courtyard and then literally across the street is the Marriott, and that's the four star hotel. So but when you walk in there, you're like, this is pretty. It's not five star, but yeah, but it was nice. I highly recommend that courtyard in La by the downtown La. It was. It was good, good ship. So and lastly I sent a picture dome.
There was a waiter. I had one day that was one hundred percent Dana Carvey and Stuart from Mad TV that had a baby and turned gay. This was him thousand percent. But he was a great server, super super attentative, you know, because we were all dudes. So but yeah,
back to hockey. You know, we missed the boat Dad's on day quotes back and one of the staples that we had was the the National Hula Hoop League, and that's where we are going to go through the NHL bracket and we're gonna, you know, we're gonna pick how do we want to do this? Do you want to do just the first round?
Dome?
Do you think we should do to the first round or just do the whole bracket right now?
Crank it out, let's do Let's do the first two rounds because the first round two rounds kind of almost over already, right right right right, and then and then so let's do the first.
No spoilers, no spoilers, because I told Stone not to look anything up. He's probably seen some stuff, but I just looked.
Up the matchups. I didn't see who's winning or.
Any Okay, perfect, perfect, perfect, So we'll go through the first round matchup. Let's start on. Let's start on the East or West Coast dome. You pick East, all right, We're starting on the East coast. So you got the Toronto maple Leafs and the Ottawa Senators dome. Who do you got?
So?
I actually had Toronto coming out of the first round this year. I think that Toronto is gonna break the ever so elusive slump. I think they're a good, well rounded team this year that can actually do it and eventually, like the losing streak has to stop, right.
You think, you think? But uh Stone, who you got? You got? It's it's all Canadian matchups, So we're guaranteeing that a Canadian team's gonna move on to the second round. Who do you got?
Who is the Senators and the maple Leaves? Is that right?
That's right?
That's right.
Let me read this little excerpt I thought of the Senators went out for an extravagant lunch, not under the watch of doge hookers, cocaine poppers. They were all flowing and funneling into this debauched love sex dungeon feast. Suddenly someone bursts out the un jemima to lather on the ladies of the night. When the senators all said, let's take a shot together. First, they toasted their insides got
roasted for it was not maple syrup but poison. Such a shame that all the senators died before Doge could reveal their nine hundred mistresses, all being paid under the table on the salary of the Education Department's budget. Win.
I love it. It's it is a shout out Tanjemima. I miss your fat ass because it ain't Miima anymore. It's like something Mills, something I don't know, like, yeah, I want to say General Mills, but that's not correct obviously, serial. But anyway, I'm gonna go Maple Leafs. I actually in my bracket ie the Maple Leafs losing in the Eastern Final this year. I had a little bit more faith than I probably should have. Next match up, Tampa Bay, We're going off first? Was all Canada seconds, all Florida.
Holy shit, Tampa Bay Lightning. Florida Panthers defending Stanley Cup champions in the Hulu Hoop League. Who you got stoned? Let's go with you, Florida Panthers, Tampa Bay Lightning.
Let's see, he said, the Panthers and Lightning is that right, all right, Zeus fucking Zeus. It's always him. It's always him looking to fuck somebody, just looking at fuck and fuck. And then one day he went out and was like, you know, I need a fuck more of the cat family.
That's sick.
Fuck.
He says, they need to bag me a panther. He goes out in searches and searches and searches, he can't find one, and then he ended up finding one and just bagging it, tagging the shit out of this thing. It looked like it was having a little too much fun for his pleasure, at least because he's a sick fuck. And then it says, gotcha, I'm the cougar, and Zeus was like, what, You're supposed to be a panther. The cougar was like, yeah, check out this powdered sugar right in zus space.
It's my coke.
Smell funny.
This coke smell funny, and Zeus fell panthers one, Wow, goddamn wow.
Okay, Stone's got the Stanley Cup, defending Stanley Cup champions. Moving on dome, Who do you got panthers? Lightning?
I actually think that I think that Tampa Bay is lucky to have the record that they have this year. I think they're overrated and I like Florida to go relatively deep and.
So yes what she said, Yeah, I actually one hundred percent agree with that take. I think Tampa Bay is living off of glory days of just a couple of years ago, and it's their last hurrah before the team collapses. Ye completely, And I also have the Panthers winning and moving on the next matchup in the East, the Washington Capitals versus the Montreal Canadians. So you have the record setting Alexander Ovechkin. He has beat Wayne Gretzky's goal record
this year. He's also still scoring in the fucking playoffs, as if the goal record just was gonna stop. He's just a machine. And they're playing the Montreal Canadians. Who are you know, still hoping it was nineteen seventy eight all over again. Uh, dumb, who do you got?
I actually wanted the Canadians to upset in this one, just simply there was a gut feeling there, dum that said the Canadians were going to figure it out, and that you know, Washington was gonna get caught off guard because Washington's the better team, right of course, I mean Washington's the better team. But I there was something in me that was like, you know what, if ever, if ever there was one, there's there's only two upsets that I kind of thought could happen here in these playoffs,
and this was one of them. I kind of like Canadians. But okay, that was that was my honest pick.
Okay, I'll explain that in a second. Stone.
So we got the capitalists.
You have the red, white and blue of America versus the red, white and blue of French Canada.
Yeah, so we.
Had Trump go over to the border and Trump was like, hey, I want to buy it all.
It's good, it's great, I want to buy it all.
Canada was like, no, you can't buy it. Well, actually you can buy it under one condition. If you take it, you have got to take that whole Blake Lavely drama out of Canada and just completely take it into the US. And Trump was like fucking bombam, Like who gives this shit? And yeah, so that was that was it. Her Brian Reynolds and play clebly drama and just bombed the ship out of Canada and took it. Anyways, after it was scored. Sure if you know capitalists, move on. Cool love it.
The Eastern, the whole Eastern side of things has completely crazy matchups. First matchup was the two Canadians. Second matchup both Florida teams that matchup. Both are red, White and blue. Right. And then the last matchup here Carolina Hurricanes Red and black versus New Jersey Devils Red and black. Holy shit, stone, let's go with you, Carolina Hurricanes, New Jersey Devils.
Who were you taking?
Oh?
I'm sorry, Washington, Okay. I have Washington going all the way to the Cup this year. I don't have them winning, but I have them in the Cup. So Washington all the way, Carolina and New Jersey stoned.
This is the Hurricane and the Devils, that's right, Yeah, fucking Hurricanes out there, dude, bunch of assholes, just leveling out the most beautiful parks of America there could possibly be, and other shitholes in like Indonesia and whatnot. But nobody cares about that. Everybody cares about America.
Baby.
But you know what, something was coming for that hurricane. It came back from another assault, and the majestic nature a devil came out and had a very mischievous plan. Devil took out a box of dildos and threw it up the hurricane, and the hurricane just whipped that box of dildos and all of a sudden it was just engulfed and a massive dildos. The other hurricanes pointed at it and said.
Fagot, fagot, fagot.
You know, and the hurricane cries and withdrawals from the campaign, and Devils take it amazing.
I don't Ca or New Jersey.
So this was the other upset for me. Right, Carolina is a better team. We know they're the beat team, but it was another one of those moments like and I could have been thinking with my heart right because it's the Devils, and I am a Devil's fan, but there was something that was like, you know what, if anybody's gonna beat Carolina, this is the team to do it, this is the moment to do it. This is like it's the first round, this is when it's gonna happen.
I had the Devils losing next round, but I did. I did originally pick the Devils to beat Carolina in this first round, so I thought that they could get it done. I thought that they're I thought that their offense was gonna be strong enough and their defense was gonna play hard enough.
But yeah, and this is where you know domes a man of his word, because the he picked the Canadians who were down three to one in their series, and he picked the Devils who have already lost their series four to one. As of tonight, they they're out of the playoffs. So yeah, salutations New Jersey.
Let's go.
Let's go to the West here. First matchup the President's Trophy winner, the number one team in the NHL during the regular season, so quietly so that nobody even knew they were the number one team, the Winnipeg Jets and the Saint Louis Blues. Saint Louis Blues's hottest team in hockey since the four Nations faceoffs. Number one seed verse number eight seed stone, let's go with you, Winnipeg versus Saint Louis. That would be the Jets versus the Blues.
So the Blues spent another year trying to convince the nation that they were a legitimate hockey team, but the NHL just kept coming back and was like, get that's your fucking logos, Blue note Wings. Wow, Wow, Blue not Wings.
We can't get something better than this fucking piece of shit, such a terrible We're gonna have to get it to fucking Winnipeg, the goddamn team who is named after an act that you probably get from lou a fantasy team over with your wife the Winnipeg Great job, congratulations, you won a peg. Wow, But you know what, We're gonna go with them over you because you know so Yeah, the Jets take it goad sad day.
Dumb Saint Louis. Saint Louis, like Saint Louis is an underrated team, like and and it's weird to say that Saint Louis is an underrated team because, like you said, they are the hottest team since the break. However, people were still counting them out. People were still saying, well, they're the ease of schedule. They played a bunch of people who were hurt and didn't have their full rosters. Give fucked. They still won, and they won convincingly. They
won a lot of games, very convincingly. And so I like, I actually like Saint Louis a lot.
I picked Saint Louis and seven solely because I connor hollibook. Is that good of a goalie, yep. And then I think on his back, Winnipeg could win the series obviously, but obviously that could win three games if they lose the series. So yeah, but I do have the Blues moving on. I just the President's Trophy seems to have a curse that those teams typically don't make it out of the first round or for sure the second round
that year. They just gas out and they end up facing a hot team usually, so and that's that's what's happening, and that's what's happening. That series is two to two right now. Next matchup, debt go ahead.
It will it will go seven?
Yeah, yeah, I think so. I think so. You know what's really funny about that matchup though, This is what I find comical. Winnipeg is in Canada. Their starting goaltender is the goaltender for the USA Hockey team from the Four Nations face off. Yeah, the Saint Louis Blues are an American team and their goaltender is the starting Canadian goaltender from the Four Nations face off. So that's comical
to me. That's good stuff. Fuck Canada, by the way, next matchup you have Dallas Stars and you have the Colorado Avalanche.
Don't.
Let's go with your take first, Dallas Stars Coloradovans arguably the arguably the hardest first round matchup.
Yes, in my opinion, I hate to see this like I love to see the matchup because I feel like we both win to cut this. Yep. These these two teams, there's arguments on both sides for either team to win everything.
And the craziest part is one of them will not make it out of the first round. Correct, both could win the Cup and one can't make it to the second round.
Yep. And and the fact that they are in this like crazy blood bath of a fucking fight, and then they're gonna have to go play somebody else who is tough right back to back. It's it sucks to see it happen. And I really wish that the playoff picture was structured differently this year because I would have rather them seen them on the West Coast in the West Final. But it is what it is, and I actually think that Dallas comes out on this one. I think Dallas is too deep.
Big d baby s don't Stars, Dallas Stars, Colorado Avalanche.
So we all know the Stars really is just a team full of the beautiful ladies who went on the space trip a few weeks ago. The astronauts is some would call them. The Ladies, decided to go to the Aspen Mountains for the winter vacation and celebrate their newfound astronautism, whatever the fuck that is. They went skiing naked as a stunt to boost their popularity even more, but then an avalanche took them all out. Now there's just a
snow covered wasteland on the mountain. The only way to find the ladies is by spotting their nipples poking out of the snow. It's like finding mushrooms along the forest floor, you know.
Blunch take it, okay, cool. I don't disagree with the pick. I like it. I do disagree with it. I'm sorry, but I do like the pick. I have the Stars little lone fact. I actually have the Stars winning the Stanley Cup this year. So I just think they're this crazy.
They have a crazy good team and their goaltending is good enough, and if they can get out of the first round, you arguably have the easiest matchup in the second round, because they would draw either Winnipeg or Saint Louis and I feel like neither one's a good matchup for Dallas or Colorado for that matter. Versus, if you come out of that round, you could have to face the Golden Knights, and you know, so, yeah, that's the
next matchup we're gonna go to. You have Vegas Golden Knights and Minnesota Wild Stone, your hometown team versus you're a past kind of home not hometown but home state team. Where you got where's your blood laying? Let's hear it.
So the Lady of the wild said, you there, fuzzy Bear, you've done well this year in the forest. Go blow off some steam in Vegas. Put it all on red. I don't give a shit, You've earned it. The bear traveled all the way to the Las Vegas Strip, where somebody said, oh my god, it's a fucking bear, and the bear was chased all the way around the strip
until it was cornered on the Fremont Street Experience. The police came out to see what all the fuss was about, and then the cop said, holy shit, it's black and shot it to hell. As the poor bear laid dying on the Fremont Street Experience next to a half empty fat Tuesday and a used condom. Golden Knight walked by and said, I remember my first time in Vegas nights when see it's.
Actually really well done. I like that one. I'm not gonna agree with it, but I like it.
I don't so at everybody in the in the playoffs, the Wild have the worst goal for goal against ratio mm hmm, and it's not even close. When you look at that, you say, there's no reason this team should be hanging around, right, But the problem is is that they're good.
And they have arguably one of the top top first lines in hockey, yes, like a quietly one of the top first lines in hockey.
Yeah, yep. And so I think that they sneak this out. It's gonna come down. It's gonna it, really And I picked them to begin with. I picked the Wild, picked the Wild in seven. And I don't think that that like some people can are gonna say that that's a hot take, that that the Knights should win whatever, I don't think it's I don't think it's that controversial. I do think that the Wild are a good team. Yeah, So I think I think they pull it out in seven.
I think they lose Crown, but I think they pull it out. In seven.
I went with I was already wrong. I went with Vegas and five I thought they were gonna I thought this is gonna be the one one of the steamroll matchups of the first round. Also, nobody's talking about Vegas because you have the Colorado Dallas matchup, and then you also have the Kings and Oilers for the fourth straight year matched up against each other, and so you have all this talk and nobody's talking about Vegas. But then
all of a sudden, Minnesota is holding their own. Vegas steam rolls them in the first game, but Minnesota turns right back around and slaps them in the face and uh, and then goes up two to one on them, and then the gold Knights win in overtime to make it two to two in the series. He easily been three to one and they're in overtime again to night. It's a great matchup of a series, and I will say that I've been It's been one of my favorite first
round matchups so far to watch. Agreed, So last matchup first round, as stated La King's Edmonton Oilers stoned, Let's.
Go with you.
La King's Edmonton oilers.
A king received an invitation to go to a bowling alley with a nearby oiler. The king said, man, fuck it, I could get out of this shithole and away from this fucking nag and queen?
Am I right? I hope she didn't hear me.
He snuck out to a nearby bowling alley, found it empty. Then a man walked out from the back and said, would you like a milkshake? The king said, sure, you know it's my cheat day? Why not? The oiler came into you and the king noticed the oiler had a big, painous bulge coming out as he got closer weird and he said, I wonder if I could drink your milkshake.
King said, well, we could each have our own. The man stopped right in front of him and said, but what if I want you to drink your milkshake and mine? Would you give it to me? The King was puzzled and said, uh no. Man said if that's rule applies, and why did you have no choice but to fuck my wife? Is it because she likes you better? I want you to drink your milkshake? And the oiler pulls out a big bowling pin from his pants and beats the
shit out of the King Boilers win. Shout out to there will be blood.
You know that's a it's an update. By the way, Vegas won in and overtime.
Wow.
While while that escapade was talking about the Kings and Oilers, funny enough about the Kings and Oilers. Actually, don't you say your pick and then I'll say my blurb about them?
Fuck the Oilers Kings.
Okay, that's what I would like as well. I don't like anything about the Oilers. I think Connor McDavid's a bitchy ass bitchy. Yeah, he is the greatest player in the world by far, like the most fucking prick, but he's a fucking cunts. A pie shot that fucking cunt anyway. Uh yeah, So the LA King should have swept that
series in games three. In games four that they both lost to Edmonton, they were up by a goal inside of ten minutes and ended up losing in regulation and both I'm sorry, I believe last night they lost in overtime, but the other night Edmonton ties it and LA challenges the goal. They lose the challenge, which puts Edmonton on the power play. They score fifteen seconds in the power play and in a matter of fifteen seconds, a one goal lead turned into a one goal deficit. I was like,
that's the problem with Edmonton. They strike quick and shrik fast, and they're about to win. Uh, they're about to win game with like two minutes left. So but I did have the Kings moving on to the next round.
So that's that series isn't over though. The Kings can absolutely turn around and win the next two games. So even if they lose tonight.
Yeah, So that's that's our that's our Hula Hoop up. National Hula Hoop League Update. We'll keep people posted. I've already spoiled my picks as far as who's the big ones, but we'll keep it going and we'll do it as we need to.
Yeah.
Hey, you guys know why six or thirty seven? Because seven eight nine? Motherfucker Mmm brought to.
You by Jake.
I thought that was brought to you by KFC.
Oh, speaking of nybody, I want to talk about this gorilla fucking debate, dude, the hundred, the hundred men versus the fucking gorilla thing again.
Because this is some bullshit, Dude, I keep fucking seeing it, and I'm telling you that the debate. The debate is once again that one hundred men versus one gorilla, who would win? Right? And everybody seems to think that humans are gonna fucking win. That humans human I.
Take the gorilla every time.
There's zero fucking chance that a hundred humans can defeat a fucking gorilla. I don't understand what people think when they think that a hundred humans can. We're talking to hear me out, bare hands. We're talking bare hands right here, the weapons.
Hear me out. Hear me out. What if Magic Johnson was on one hundred people and during the scuffle he licked the bootyhole of the gorilla. The gorilla continues and kills all people. Gorilla wins, but then dies of aids. So who wins? You know, lost the fight all time because the strike happened before the gorilla won, So technically, ao humans they win, but it's a tie because Magic Johnson's got to be one hundred and we win this.
But it's it's high. Magic is the best. The tie is the best you could do because all the humans are still going to be dead.
Magic Johnson would fade away and be like Kobe.
Maybe maybe he's he's an anomaly. Magic Johnson's is an anomaly. He should be dead by now. Do you remember when he like when he first when it first came out that he had it?
Do you remember everybody else that's head aides, Yeah you mean except for him?
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, it's fucking wild.
I don't know how I still run simulation.
Yeah.
So I came up with this segment, this next segment speaking to Kobe. Right, I was walking speaking of Kobe twice. I was walking past the Kobe and his daughter's statue in La which is cool wake statue and it's got wings embracing it and uh next to its shack looking like this, like all cross eyed and at the free throw line, staring staring it down. No, but I saw the Kobe thing and it made me think in a
sinister way. I don't know why. Was what do you do you think that people have a random last thought right before the lights go out? Right? Like you have all this clarity, You have all this clarity, but then what if, like right before you go out, there's like one final thought and that's the that's your final thought before you go So I was like, that'd be fun.
Let's list some celebrities, and I sent a list of celebrities to you guys, and so I want to hear what you guys came up with for their their last words that they thought of in their head before. I don't know if yeah, I want to know. So we're gonna go with the very first one, Stoned Euro up first, buddy, and we're gonna go with Kurt Cobain.
Okay, Kurt Cobain. His last thought was, I wonder if Courtney's vagina is ever gonna smell better?
What's bunny ist?
I was like, purpose, My exact one for that was, I wonder, I wonder why Corny's pussy and mouth tastes exactly the same.
Dome, but I actually had Courtney, don't pull that trigger. M last thoughts been off.
I wonder if she knows this is loaded?
Yeah, who the fuck is this bitch?
I wonder if she's cheating at me at the black guys? I sorry, smoking Newports.
Oh Man, speaking of black guys. Next one, Kobe Bryant, Go ahead, Dome, I should have taken the bush.
Damn.
Well that's on a cool c N hill.
What do you got to do that one?
Yeah?
Yeah, I got to go, Shack is a bitch, and I also got uh how about this for going out in the blaze of glory? Shack's probably gonna die some heart attacks like the fucking sage he is.
Funny mine was. I wonder if Shackles ever make another free throw.
He never even tried to get bad.
Oh god, we should have did a Grand Canyon tour.
I'm pretty sure I hit Mark clip so uh yeah, that one's going out there.
It becomes viral.
Oh, next up, John Wayne Stone, let's go with you.
If they actually put an Asian to play the role of Genghis Kang, that'd be the death of cinema.
Mm hm.
Oh fuck. I had a hard time with this one because the only ones I could think of are ones that I can't say on here. I mean, I told you one, Gnome, so I'm I'm gonna say it. But all I could think of was Betty, I'm coming. I don't know why, like I'm coming like like I'm coming up there, Betty, I don't.
Know why I got what you man, Yeah, Dad's not diquel though, you gotta gotta.
I gotta clarify sometimes.
Mine was, man, that red meat tastes kind of funny tonight. Oh think what was the story He died with five pounds of red meat in his stomach something like that.
Yeah?
Yeah, uh, speaking of something in their stomach, Amy Winehouse, don't what do you got for? Amy Winehouse?
Don't stop, I'm coming okay, Stone.
I wonder if I could shove this bottle of jack up a man's ass before I drank it.
Oh, she doesn't need to know that she did that.
Damn mine was man. I should have went to rehab.
I thought of that one too, and I was like, nas, nah, it's to one point.
Next up, uh, speaking of low hanging fruit. Gene Hackman, fresh fresh on the kill list?
Stone, who's this Asian bitch in my house? We'll actually following on the floor. Get your ass up? Are you my maid?
Before Dome goes mine is uh. He looks at his wife and goes, hey, babe, how come our smoke detector and carbon dioxid lights off?
Don't mind's god, damn it, we're the oreos.
Man. I wish they would have made replacements too.
It's so greatest.
Next up, Bob saggot Our, our our homeboy, Bob Saggot Stone, what do you got.
How did I get a girl that hot to be my wife?
Jesus, I had a funk. I forgot to delete my browser history. Simple, simple, and accurate.
I remember that time made me smell his fingers after his night with alanis More said pop right on the back of the head. You know that man didn't die of a heart attack. Can't bloom forest trauma to his head?
Oh yeah, no, yeah no, talk.
About talk about a story that is never resurfaced. How did that? How's that not talked about?
Right?
Uh? Speaking of not talked about and killing themselves? Epstein, Epstein, he's next, What do you got?
Uh do.
Hey? Hillary? Bill said Monica was better?
What do you got stone?
Hey? Hillary Bill said, I fucking blow up dolls better. I'm just kidding. The Clinton should be arriving any moment. I'll get out of here soon.
M oh my. Epstein final thought was man, low key, Hillary gave some good head.
I bet you she's a freak. She's probably a lizard, she's probably a dominatrix, but she's.
Just reptilian that does things to children. I'm probably not even gonna say it, but.
It's bad for sure.
She go to visit little.
Mickey with the pappash with.
Hi already getting the flash flash. Speaking of flask the Pope he made he made an appearance on Little Mickey, Don't what you got?
Don't let that kid leave until I finish.
Yeah, I had a kid one too. Hm, we got the stone?
Looks like we all have kid ones. Uh, well, I'd be forgiven for touching them kids.
No, no, no no.
My final thought for the Pope was, I wonder if I was Muslim, if my seventy seven virgins would be little boys. And then he dies because he had pneumonia. So that was his last breath. He spent his last breath speaking Yeah, speaking of last breath in the end, it doesn't really matter. Chester Bennington, what do you got? Stone?
That was kind of it? Does this even matter? If this is my end?
Go ahead, dope, that's funny.
I got. I think I'll just hang here for a while.
Turns out they were just playing charades and he drew Chris Cornell.
Oh shit, he took it a little too literally.
Chest is turning blue? Do you think he can't figure this out?
What is he?
Oh?
Man?
Last one? Michael Jackson, don't.
I wonder if anybody's figured it out? That I've bleached myself.
He was obsessed with a joker in Batman comics. Yeah, he just had a fucking vath, fucking fad bleach. Mine's kind of similar to the pope. Will I be forgiven for getting away with diddling them kids?
M m hm m m a mercy. I feel like his final thought was just and that's it and he went out.
Another one I had was, uh, will the sperm donor ever reach out to the actual kids which are a paris blanket? And the other one?
Hum hm, Okay, would you rather have your parent be if you were famous, die a famous death or go out quietly?
Say that again? What like if you were famous? Right you want? Do you want your parent to have a famous death, like something that is highly remembered versus just going out quietly?
What if highly remember it? As the cops walk in and find them o ding in the fucking hotel room while they're well, they're like strapped up and.
Bail thirty inch dildo stuck in his ass or some shit. I see. That's like one of those like backwards genie wishes, you know what I mean? Like I want to have the world's biggest cock and really what happens is he makes everybody else's cock super small versus the same size. You ain't getting me today, motherfucker.
Yeah no, how's the field? That's a field. You all to have half inch cuts?
Yeah?
Yeah, wait, you got half inch needle, dick, I got I got one for you. Would you rather control water or fire?
What do you mean by control? Like I can shoot it out of my hands, or I just control it. I mean I already control it. I control both. I want to start a fire. I can start a fire. If I want to turn on water, I can turn on water.
Yeah. But you can't, Like you can't go up to a fire and grab it and control get it. I mean you can watch eventually, no balls, no balls, Bet you won't, bitch. You can't walk up to the ocean and part the fucking ocean like control? Control? Like full control?
Okay, pull control.
You can engulf yourself in flames, it'll never hurt you. You can engulf yourself in water, It'll never hurt you. You can control it water. I choose water, Yeah, same, Or you just use the water to put the fire out, so you technically win the battle. But but I would want to, I would literally want to go to the ocean and figure out what the fuck is down there. That's the only reason why.
Here's your genuish. Sorry, the water won't kill you, but the pressure does.
Yeah, well I would party, so I could just fucking fall five miles.
You get right, you get right where you want to go, and you sneeze, which gods, you lose control.
Dead.
But here's here's here's a straight up stoner thought. If it were to crash on you, wouldn't you then automatically go to the top because the top of the water is hitting you.
You would, well, you would. You would end up swirling and eventually you would equalize out somewhere.
But you may I take that level.
Because now you're thinking about swirling in trillions of gallons of water.
No, no, stone, you got one.
Would you, guys, rather be able to speak every language in the world or play every instrument flawlessly?
Say the first one? Again?
Be able to speak every language in the world.
Language.
Language, I don't really care about fucking playing instruments, but language.
I'm gonna go with. I'm gonna go with language because it's it's easier to learn how to play an instrument than it is to learn a language.
Yeah, yeah, okay, all right, minds pretty simple. Would you either ship bricks or puke slugs? Puke slugs?
How slugs?
How big are the slugs? Just normal sized slugs?
They're like the ones from Harry Potter. Yeah, it's it's like the size of your hand kind of. Yeah.
I think I'd still choose that, like a brick size if.
A dick size before your dick shrinks a dick sized slug.
Oh, then definitely a slug.
You just here from the bathroom.
Porcelain.
You broke another fucking toilet.
Us.
Sorry, I guess if my asshole, I guess if my asshole formed to the brick so it didn't like tear my insides and my anus, then actually I would probably take the brick because I already shit fucking arms. Anyway, boys, fucking minecraft.
Goddamn, he just laid the foundation, you know what I mean? Took him half a year?
Hm, I go with bricks, brick by brick, baby, break by bread, ship my own house.
Would you rather visit the Great Wall of China or the Amazon River?
What do you mean by what do you mean by visit?
Like visit like play tourists?
Uh, just folding in the cheese. Mean, what do you that's that's exactly what that?
Do you mean? Wash the cards? What do you mean?
Look at the sky?
What I'm gonna go with the Great Wall?
If I can explore the Amazon with no safely consequences.
Yeah, I would choose Amazon as well, especially for like one of the ass Akra Maayan fucking cities and ship.
Oh god, yeah, yeah that's okay.
Uh.
Would you rather live in a haunted house for a night or a prison for a night? Keep in mind you are not alone in either place.
Haunted house, I'd rather, I'd rather, I'd rather be scared of a ghost can get fucked by tyrone.
It's either an one night in a haunted house or one night in a prison.
And you were a haunted house.
You are not alone here, dude.
Question We got last night footsteps again. I was sitting in bed just and I was like, it's every fucking awake right now. Open the door. Nobody there, God damn Grandma. Shut the door again. Went back to sleep.
Uh would you would you rather accidentally send a dirty text to your boss or to your dad?
Don't dad?
Dom you can answer the A.
I mean my dad.
You don't get to cop out. You don't get to cop out with your dad. You have to choose your boss because you can't choose your dad.
You know what, My boss is actually really cool and I could probably get away with it. She's she's pretty cool, okay, she she would. She would send me like a gift. She would send me like a confused gift, like did you mean to send this type thing?
And then you're magnifying glass.
My boss already thinks I'm weird as fuck, which no denying that. But her dad, that would that would push her over the edge. She'd be like, all right, I'm taking this stupid fuck to hr trying to get rid of his ass.
We got dom, he got one more I do.
Would you rather be allergic to sunlight or your own sweat?
It's a tough one.
Sunlight, Yeah, I'd have to agree with that. What was the other one, sunlight or your own sweat?
Mm hmm, sunlight, Yeah, I agree. Would you rather have the world be rid of telephones or TVs?
Telephones? No, yeah, t I have TVs. Actually it's TV's it's not that tough TVs. See you later, TVs. Because your telephone is like your your telephone is a TV nowadays, so.
Well that would be a two. It would render the phones just phones again.
Well, yeah, I still I still say. I still say TVs because I'd rather have communication with two people that I care about.
What you don't care about your third kid.
I didn't say any of them were on that.
Which which two are your favorite?
I didn't say any of them were on that list.
I choose to take the TVs away?
Also, Yeah, it would It would suck if I couldn't talk to you fucking idiots on a regular basis.
Wouldn't that be wild if you choose to take away phones? So like, you know where your friends live, but you can't talk to them unless you see them. So they could potentially move and you would never know.
They could.
Dude, like, I've lived here for a month and that person don't live here, Yeah, and you have no clue where they went. You never never see him again.
How would you know? How would you know?
If I'm changing my answer, how would you know?
If it happened in my elementary school? That sounds quite familiar. Go see someone all of a sudden, someone else cendsor the door and you're like, hmm, all.
These deportations are crazy deported here.
Did you hear that he passed a fucking executive order that says all truck drivers have to uh have to pass a competency test. Uh for English. You have to you have to know English well enough to pass a test, and if you don't, it's like an immediate five thousand dollars fine for not passing the test, and then uh, if you can't pay the fine, then it's you get arrested. Hmm for truck For truck drivers.
Well, you know there are a lot of Middle Eastern truck drivers a lot mm hm.
Oh. I know. I worked at a truck stop and I also worked in somewhere where I had to get gas out of try ruck stop every two days. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's bad news, bad news bears.
I mean, let's be real, like, I don't know. The way I've always thought about it is it's okay to speak other languages, but you should be able to be competent in the language of the country you choose to live in.
Facts.
I agree with that, and that's that's that's not an American racist thing. If I move somewhere, I would expect that I need to know their language competently enough to live and communicate.
I agree. I agree with that to it. I agree with that to a degree. But then there there comes a point where it becomes discrimination, and it's also it's it. There's a fine line, dude, there's a super fine line.
I I understand, I understand. I understand the argument from someone like you or a J or I where it's you know, I want I want somebody who's going to be on the road to be to be literate, right, and to understand what they're doing and you know, what they're saying to people on the road, be able to read the signs, understand the laws. I get that wholeheartedly.
And to be able to speak to the people in which they are going to have to communicate too, throughout the entire trip of their like, of their entire career, right for every trip. I get. I get that wholeheartedly. But to arrest somebody because they can't speak the language, that's that's could be Borderman concentration camp. That's what I'm saying. That's borderline Germany, dude, borderline. So that's a tough one. Sketchy.
I think I think it's it's it's supposed to try and force the way, because it's it's tough when you meet uh, people that actually do give a ship, that have come to this country and and force themselves to learn the language competently enough and actually want to become citizens of the country that they're in. Yeah, Like, isn't that the American dream? That you're coming here to be an American?
Well, see, that's the that's the guy, you know. I mean, that's the guise of it, though most of it is is they're they're the American dream is to come to America to earn a shitload of money and be free from all of the oppression that they do have in their own country.
And to do that just simply want to be an American because you want the lifestyle, you want to live it, right, That's all I'm saying. Yeah, salute your shorts, motherfucker. Episode one seventy three, What you got for us?
Later?
By kay? Hi, how are you uh A? What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
What is the quidditch?
What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have a as a child, chances are you don't like him as an adult.
Oh I thought Popeye was the same quarrel.
What