Episode 161-Wheelchairs, Napoleon and Booty Cheeks

Welcome to Dad's One Day Quo. Parental discussion is advised mature content beyond this point.

What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.

I thought it said, mister Gorbert off, tear this wall down.

I thought it was gonna be Hey, man, I've been trying to talk to you. That they'd really been putting up some walls between.

Could have been stopped throwing your balls on me. You've really had a barrier up. Anyway. Dad's on Dick was episode one sixty one one. I'm known, I'm done, I'm stone baby. Fuckina. Uh, what's today? Today's Monday? Monday, Monday, the fourth of February. The fuck We're finally in February. Does in February feel like it's or January? I feel like it's three months long some days.

No, it always goes so fast for me, Like every every single year, in the beginning of March, I go, holy shit, it's March already. What the fuck happened?

Yeah, when you get to March. Yeah, but while you're January, like, okay, put it in this perspective. I guess when you're in like the let's say, it's like January twenty second, right, and you're like, oh man, Christmas was three weeks ago. Wait, I'm still in January. You get this weird feeling of like Christmas like it was a long time ago, but it really wasn't that.

Long ago, from like the twentieth, from like the twentieth to the thirty first until you get into February. Once you're into February, you're like, oh shit, all right.

Yeah yeah, and they'll wonder March fucking creeps up on you because February's on.

I got twenty eight days? Is this year twenty nine? When's leap year?

I was last year? I was last year. I wasn't paying attention.

I had a good digd twenty eight just another day. Fuck another day to piss somebody off.

Yeah, speaking of another day, my uh my little dad's story for the weekend. So I think my daughter, and this isn't a hope because I secretly AJ knows this that I secretly love that balance or whatever her name is, the Tourette's Girl. Okay, wind it up, go, I fucking love her anyway, my four year old she loves saying booty cheeks whenever she gets a chance, like and it's just random, like it's very eighty HD out of nowhere. So tonight we're eating dinner and someone's like, how's dinner

All right, So wait, pretty pretty soon she's gonna be like, how about this nutsack?

Damn it?

So when we when we go over there AJ next weekend, well this weekend, we need to have a contest to see how many times we can get her to say booty cheeks loudly, like like in the chant type level. Okay, we'll have a competition between you and I. All right down.

Can we refer back to our chat from earlier? Are our dad's on dago chat that people aren't actually part of, but they can hear about this that you're actually not coming to my house. We're coming to your house.

That's not what we said, is it.

You said you wanted to host Super Bowl this year, did I see I have the stone. I'm not even fucking with you. I know, I normally fuck with you and nobody ever believes me because I fuck with people too much. But yeah, that was in all honesty.

So whoops, all right, come on over.

Yeah, welcome to the circus. Speaking of circus, dumb, how was your week?

Yeah, my week was good. I ended up going to New Jersey on an impromptu visit to see my family. My cousin's fiftieth birthday was this weekend, and so his girlfriend decided to throw him a gigantic party.

Uh.

My cousin is very aliked, very well known in the little community that they're in, so she she threw a party for him with about one hundred people. It was pretty insane. It was that what rehabs like. It was a good time.

Yeah, we all had to in the shower together. So this is the Italian side. So this is on my mom's side. O. Yeah, this is a pizza party. H So it was a good It was a good time, dude.

It was really nice to see family. It started off with a fucking bang, dude. So we get we get to the airport, we get to Vegas, it's eleven o'clock.

Well, okay, let me back up one more stuff. Let's rewind this. Let's let's rewind it a little bit. So we get to the airport. So, my mom is not the fastest of move right. So when I when I left Kingman to get to Vegas, I was like, all right, we need some time. It's gonna take us a little time to get everywhere, No big deal. She's probably gonna want to eat. So we get there early.

We get there five fucking hours early.

Dude.

This is the fastest my mom's moved ever in her fucking life. So we are at the airport five hours prior to our flight.

Yeah, in context, you have texted me at this point is six forty five. Yes, Arizona time. It's five forty five Vegas time. And I'm like, wait, don't you leave it eleven? And you were like yeah. And I was like, Bro, you're at the airport like five hours early.

What are you gonna do with your life? Yeah, it's not even international, like whatever.

I've downloaded some movies, I got some work to do. I brought my work laptop, so it's like it'll be fine, I'll figure it out. Do you watch black Hawk down on your flight.

Absolutely, So we get We walk into the fucking airport, park cars parks. We walk in and I look around. Two fucking seconds I realized that the security check in is directly in front of us.

We're exactly where we need to be, exactly where we need to be.

Nobody's in line in the fucking TSA check it check in, nobody's in line in the other stat and the other security check in. Beautiful fucking scene. Right. My look over to my mom to say something, and she goes, let's get a wheelchair. Okay, we got a wheelchairs so we can get through easier. And I was like, okay, why do we need it? There's fucking empty lines right there.

Dude.

We had to They couldn't wheel it to the security.

We had to go get it. We had to walk.

You want to go, dude, We had to walk United. We stand bitch, dude. God so here's the irony. The irony of this is my mom does not need a fucking wheelchair at all.

She only wanted it because she has TSA check in.

I don't, and she didn't want to fucking pay for mine, and I didn't want to pay for my own given shit. The pre check, that's ESA pre check, the TESA, your mom. Your mom is the people that I'm eyeballing, you two motherfuckers. When i'm group A, I'm Group A like number three to go in, yeah, and I'm watching twenty eight fucking people with early check in because Gary and Sandy are literally gonna have a stroke and die on this flight so they can get on early. There's mama with her

I looked at her and I was like, I don't want to do this. I was like, can we please just walk through? And she's like, no, it'll be fine, I'm telling you, And I'm like, all right, whatever cuts off her leg to prove it more. We walk off all the way down. We wait like five ten minutes to get the fucking wheelchair, which I obviously doesn't matter, right because we're we've got a whole half at fucking data.

Wait.

We get in the wheelchair and this woman was talking to every single person that we passed. There were little kids, and she's making this like Italian witch voice, like.

All these guys are so cut up.

And then this woman like drags her kid from the left side of her, which is the side we were on, to the right side of her because she is now fearful that this crazy ass Italian woman is next to her gonna steal her fucking kid. So we get up there, we get through. Everything's fine.

We get on the plane, and about ten minutes in, the pilot's like, hey, guys, we're.

About to take off. Everything's great. I hope you have a great flight. We'll see on the other side, like all right, cool. Then all of a sudden, people start flooding in the plane. Was not leaving, he was letting more people in the plane. So he lets more people in the plane About ten minutes after that, he's like, oh, uh, so maintenance is telling me we have a little bit of an issue. It's gonna be a couple more minutes. Guys, please sit tight, seat belt sign still off, blah blah blah,

It would be at the point where he says, go ahead and seat belt signs are off, go ahead and stand up and stretch your legs. I see your mom get up, and I'm like, oh, now you want to fucking stand up? Bah Now those legs are working. You fucking bitch all bitter because I'm one row behind her.

Yeah, So we we get on. We get on the next plane.

Fucking powdered sugar on this seat.

Jesus, she's in the bathroom.

Ah, this is like cocaine to you.

The next guy just opens the bathroom door and it looks like fucking Lebron was in there. Oh god, man, you know it's funny, is like you united, But everything that you've said it so far sounds like every spirit flight that you could ever imagine.

Yeah, and going there was one of the bumpiest flights I've ever been on it. There was so much turbulence, it was so wild that didn't even they forgot to strap your mom's wheelchair. That's probably the problem. So she freaked out too. So when when the the kid there was a kid there that was gonna wheel her down, they wouldn't let me wheel her onto the plane. So the kid there was a kid there, young kid, couldn't have been like twenty two twenty three. He goes to

I'll throw up. I was like, oh great.

He's like, what's that's wrong? Is everything okay?

Man?

And he's freaking out. He was a little more anxious than that. But she's like, if you wheel me backwards. I'm gonna throw up, and I will throw up on you. This is your mom, this is my mom. Yeah, those are gonna throw up on me if you're facing the other way. Don't know, dude, fucking logic, don't know, christ I don't know anyway. So that was a flight. We

Of those coffee straws.

About fifteen minutes later. About fifteen minutes later, I needed some paper towels. So where do I go? I go back to the bathroom. They're still doing fucking blow in the bathroom.

Yeah, most of it's probably like muscle milk or like fucking baby formula.

Dude, we haven't gotten to the real shit yet. You get just any fetanl I don't know, not on that one. Yeah, at this point they just didn't Yeah, they were just doing it. I mean they just did not give a shit. It was on the synk nasty fucking bathroom saying dude, I'm just like.

Yeah. So there were some other stories, but that's the that's the short great version of this weekend. It was a good time. I really enjoyed seeing my family. It was super fun. Was very therapeutic for me.

Nice nice, nice, nice. Yeah what about you, Stone?

I had a pretty good weekend. I did two things. First, I went to go watch a first Royal Rumble pay per view in like twenty years.

Same girl, Same wow.

Now that's on Netflix, baby, let's go.

Well it was on Peacock. Peacock, Yeah, Peacock, because they've had him on the Peacock Raws on Netflix. But anyway, same real quick on that as I was just watching an ad and I was like, oh, I'll turn on the Royal Rumble. I was like, watch one of these in like twenty years. And there was a lot of it that felt fun for me. Yeah, and then a lot of it was like, yeah, that is why I stopped watching rest anyway, go.

Same same, Yeah, definitely it brought back some like good nostalgia and I loved it, and you know, it was funny like seeing some like the gimmicks and stuff and kind of like brought back like the Inner Kid and me And shout out to Ryan from Body of Filth and his lovely wife Christen for hosting me and Avery to come over and watch with them.

Oh did you go?

Yeah?

Yeah, it was a good time time. We made some good food, We had some good laughs. His wife ship on us were watching wrestling because we're fags, no fuck's given.

While she's in her fucking room crying watching Bridgerton Like that's more.

Real, laughing his ass off right now. But but yeah, it was a good time. And then the other thing I did was, oh god, I gotta mention this is so funny. We were walking through Home Goods or No No at Home, which is like a home good store, and we were just kind of looking at stuff and trying to get some like little knickknacks for the kitchen or whatever little gadgets that I noticed in there one

You know.

It's kind of like we're like the the globes are and stuff, you know, and some like the fancy decorps. They had a big old, like like half a basketball size worth of like a t rex skull just sitting on the shelf. And I was like, dude, fucking man, Cave needs one of those, man, dann that's awesome, right, And so I was just gonna make like a dad joke, you know, and and be like, you know, uh, you know, why why didn't Avery? You know, I got a dad joke for you. Why didn't the t rex do well

Kid's better at dad jokes.

Somehow, my somehow, my gene pool in cousin anatomy made its appearance in Avery's brain. Oh my god, dude, it was so good.

I was like, oh man, kid, that was way better than I could have ever anticipated.

When we're staying there.

And I'm like, that's sucking better than my answer, my answer. Okay, gets on his phone, crosses out answer, crosses Avery's name off the list, put on lipstick.

You're gonna have to pay for that.

Fuck off. I can't earn this, oh man. But you know what that actually like brings me right into another joke. You know what happened when the computer fell onto the floor.

Crashed.

Gen Z is not gonna know what this means, but it slipped a disc popped up and said that.

Is going to be Jared from Subway's porn fell out of It took.

You a little while to dial that up.

Gen Z. You won't know what that is either. Oh ship, all right, let's get into the meat, the meat and potatoes of this episode. So I was tasked to curious you can have the pudding first, No, I was tasked to write and curate this wonderful episode.

It's gonna suck gigantic balls, jew balls. The first segment that we're gonna do nothing, go ahead twenty three meters not me, no mo uh what are the this? So this first segment is what are three weird smells that you secretly love? So I thought of this one day when I was doing something that shall not be named, and I was like, ass, why is that smell?

Good? Weird?

So I figured, you know what, I wonder what the guys would say if I asked the same question. So, AJ, why don't you start? Give us one one weird smell that like most people, or you think most people wouldn't like, but you like.

Oh well, I guess my first one I think actually might make the list for all three of us, or like a lot of people.

I wrote down six, just.

Damn damn.

Nice. I can think of other ones.

Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, last one, specifically my wife's pussy.

She made me write down that last one, not even top seven. All right, back to your d uh. So first one I wrote down was gas I have that written down. I don't know what it is like up gasoline? Yeah, okay, yeah, like every every time I go to gas up.

I'm just like, it's even better if it's an older car too, Like when you're talking about a muscle car. If you've ever driven a muscle car, even if you're around them and they freshly gas up, the smell.

Just so you like that, like the burning octave. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot. There's a lot of sixty six.

Mustang will always have a special place in my nostril.

Jordan, Yeah, sixty nine is more my number. But Jordan, what about.

You, I'm gonna scratch gasoline off my list. The smell of a nail salon, I fucking love really smell. Yeah, walk in, I just want to smells like fucking bitch makes sense? I mean you always like Chinese people, so right? Yeah, so you like the smell a little girls sparkle tip tip cheap boy, Bobby Mom, your your total? You put those.

Go away? So I actually I like the smell of How fuck I shouldn't say this? You know what's funny is I thought about this week and then just as I go to say it, I'm like, these two assholes burning rubber. I like the smell of burnt rubber.

Okay, yeah, yeah, you know, put your moonshine away, you fucking asshole rights itself.

Man, people get writers, strike baggots. Okay, I want to I want to piggyback on that and say another one of mine because this this actually kind of plays to yours that you said, which does make sense. Is I really like like freshly open plastic or rubber, like you know those rubber mats, Like the rubber mats that you snap together. The smell of those, Oh it's delicious.

Yeah, Oh I love and like workout matts, like after after they've been used for a winter.

Yeah.

Yeah, you get stands fucking taint sweat on it.

Yeah.

Yeah, Sorry, I didn't lick at my mic aj What do you got to you?

My next one is like a two parter. It's either like newborn breath or like puppy breath. Okay, Like it's just like brand new and like doesn't stink, has a smell swit that's weirdly home for you. Yeah, like like like calms you in a weird way, you know, Like I remember when I had my kid and she's just breathe on my face.

I was like, why do I feel like this.

Is like one of the best things I ever smelled. And then I thought of it, and I was like, is that why they call that flower baby's breath? Because like it smells like a baby's breath. Let me hit this joint again.

I wonder what this flower is. It says the title is called my Neighbor's asshole. Oh dude, you got that. No, it's not bad, in kid, it's just a dingleberry.

Because you imagine if people did what dogs do when their assholes itch, like and they just like like.

Licking their own assholes.

No, yeah, they do the scoot.

Like I come over one day and George's just scooting across the kitchen. It's not doing anything. Is It's just tile. There's no traction. You see splots ellie in the corners like buda chicks at the corner, Like, what is this doing? Pretty much? This is our dad, No ship the U. My next one would be the smell of leather. I love the smell. Yes, I like that one you walk into a boot barn, but most people aren't like, like, I will grab a leather coaster like you buy new leather coasters.

Yeah, I will fucking my nose that thing.

All right, fair enough, I have I have to have a leather wallet, which just because the feel of it, but the smell of it too, Like every now and then I'll take my whalle and.

Just oh god, it still smells so good. Really, you know.

Yeah, when I first discovered a leather wallet, I went to Knotsberry Farm and they had like a leather working shop in there, and they had like leather belts that they made. They had leather wallets that they made, and I was like, what is that smelling here? Jure, shit, it was a leather first time I ever really smelled that, And I was like, oh, how good, Like like straight up when I was seventeen, I think, shit, when I went seventeen.

Or eighteen, when I get around leather, I wish I had Jay Z's nose, Like, get me more. I need more of this smell in my life. All right, what's your next one?

You did you kind of get like a B word type hunger for leather?

Yeah, yeah, got it. Check.

I like the smell of the oil that they put on, like blaze. It's like saw blades, you know, brand new brand speaking saw blades put it on like hammers and other types of metals metal tools to kind.

Of burning rubber and oil. All right, check that off the list. This is burnt in your deep genetic dna, I said, fucking odd, you swabcast is gonna tell me different, right?

That is wild?

Dude?

Anyway, Yeah, I like I like it. I like that smell. You don't. You don't get it in really any other place. It's not an oil that's used, at least I don't think anywhere else because I don't.

It's not a lubricant. You're not putting gun on your wife's buttthole. No you could. No, dude, gotta lou up the slide. Spit, just spit, just just get the spit.

If you put enough of it on there, it's fine.

Why are you spinning so much?

Got cotton? Shut the fuck up. Okay, work with what I got. Okay. My next one.

Is like I remember, I first smelled this on a first grade field trip. I went to Anderson Dairy and like where they make ice cream, and holy shit, like that smell stuck with me. We went and that no no, no, no, no, that's a different trip and that will that's on the list of top five worst, especially when you fall in that ship. But no, and it's like every Ben and Jerry's every d Q, every basket Robbins, that ice cream shop smell. I love that fucking smell so much, so damn good.

Okay, Okay, yeah, I got it. Yeah yeah, I'll let you guys pick. Do you want my first on the list or last on the list? Last? Okay? Sharpies, Sharpies and cements.

Of course you'd be huffing those.

Sharpies. Sharpies is actually my other one ship paint thinner.

There.

Yeah, great, dude, it's fucking great. I love I love when you first crack a brand new sharpie. And all sharpies have a little bit of a different smell, like the big ones smell just a touch different than the regular size sharpies.

She said, Size does matter, Size does matter. I like, I like the smell of tile, so yeah, the ceramics, so yeah, but the tile, like when you get a a little bit alright, when you get a fresh.

Box of ties that rich it's all metal iron, yeah, chamber tile. Yeah, No, there's no, there was no like a mosaic picture to you.

No, that's just that, that's just Johnny's brains.

It looks like stained glass to you.

Just blood.

Alright, fuckers, Jesus Christ, all right, So I got a question, he was a jew. What does one boob say to the other boob, Megan, If we don't get support, people are gonna think we're nuts.

Nice, it's a good one.

Shout out to drink and Josh d m us if you got that joke.

Yeah, yeah uh. And if you have any other weird smells that you guys like, let us know, hit us up, you know, hit it, hit us up on any of our social platforms Instagram, Facebook, Where else.

Are we grinder grind? We were on tiktoks bumble, Yeah, that's just China.

Dm us, just d m us, get jump in, jump into one of our d ms. You know, you'll get well, you'll get ignored like the rest of them. But but it's the thought that count. Yeah, we'll see it, We'll see it.

Spam.

Yeah, all right, let's let's jump into the next Let's jump into the next segment. So I like this segment.

I thought about bringing back Jeopardy, Dad Jeopardy, but I was like, you know what, we're gonna do something a little different. We'll save Dad Jeopardy for just a little bit longer. This one is going to be two lies and a truth history edition. So how we're gonna do this? Is is it always it?

Isn't it always a history edition? No, because if it's true, that means it's fact. And if it's fact, that means it exists. If it exists, it means it's history.

But it's not always history. And we've done We've done this before. You have to explain.

I got it.

We did it. We did it about my life, about ship that I did. Well, I guess it was history because it was ship that I did.

Uh So, some good deductive reasoning.

What we're gonna do, What we're gonna do. I'm gonna reach out for here and grab a pen because i forgot to do this ahead of time, and I'm gonna go Jordan, and then I'm gonna go a j all right, so we're gonna keep score. I've got I've got seven of these, Okay, at seventies. I'm going to tell you all three things, all three statements. You are then going to pick a B or C, and I will tell you if you are right, you will both pick.

We're looking for the truth.

You are looking for the truth. Okay, all right, So we'll start off first one, Pope Gregory the Ninth Band, Cats in Catholic Europe. Pope Gregory, the Ninth Band, Dogs in Catholic Europe, Pope Gregory the Ninth Band, owning fish in Catholic Europe. I'll say it again, Pope Gregory the Ninth Band, Cats, dogs or owning fish.

I'm gonna go with cats. Okay, I'm gonna go with fish. I like that one too. It is cats.

Oh, it is cats, And funny enough, little fact cracked down on that post. That's what led to the Black plague because there were no cats to eat the rats.

Yeah, all right.

Number two.

I was thinking of like lens or some shit.

I don't know how that works. They're like, no fish on it. That's that was my That was actually my deductive reasoning for why it couldn't be fish, because then what would they do during lent and they have to eat fish. So I was like, it can't be fished.

That was reason.

Oh fish is what they oh yeah, yeah, okay, it's other meat they do.

Oh okay, okay, all right.

Number two, So Jordan's up one nothing Number two. In nineteen sixty nine, Apollo leven. The Apollo eleven mission only had a day's worth of food on board. In nineteen sixty nine, the Apollo eleven mission had five candy bars on board in nineteen ninety. In nineteen sixty nine, the Apollo eleven mission landed with only ten seconds of fuel left. Did me say him again?

I'm gonna say one day worth of food. Okay, I want to say the fuel, but it seems so odd because it's like, well, if it only a landed with ten seconds of fuel, then how the fuck did they get back? But then I can't remember history did they make it? So I'm gonna go with candy bars.

No.

I put the candy bar on there as an homage to the Mars argument. Again, Uh, I gravitated right towards it. It is actually it is actually the ten seconds of fuel. Fucking knew it they had. They had to use rotational propulsion to get away, so to help them out.

It's easier when you're in a fucking Hollywood studio. Facts true.

When Walt Disney released his first cartoon, The Ottoman Empire was still standing when Walt Disney opened Disneyland. Michael Jordan had just been born when Walt Disney created his first cartoon, The Year or Sorry, Walt Disney created his first cartoon the year the Yankees won their first World series. So Walt Disney's first cartoon was created, and the Automan Empire was still standing. Michael Jordan had just been born or it was the year the Yankees.

One when he created his first cartoon. Correct, okay, the Automan Empire. I'm also going Automan Empire. It's ear that, or it's Michael Jordan. It's not the Yankees.

It is the Automan Empire, which is crazy in its own right because most people think that that shit went away, you know, fucking way back then. He created his first cartoon in like the twenty two It was like nineteen twenty two.

Yeah, twenty two or twenty three.

Yeah.

World War One is what broke up the Automan Empire. Yep, yep, which is fuck, which is wild me all right?

Number four Napoleon would kick a random animal every time before going into battle as a sign of manliness. Napoleon would force his men to show their penises before going into battle as a sign of aggression and manliness. Napoleon had a two sided coin he would flip before every battle, saying if it landed on tails, God was with them, but the coin was one sided, so it was just it was both sails.

Well, I can think about his b he just like the skype pulls his pants. You're like, let's go to battle with that thing.

It's sucking.

Pull down here, okay, Ip and roll out of shower. Napoleon. Fuck, it's not what your wife said. Let's tick my bag. It up your asshole.

You know I'm gonna say, kicking the animal.

Fuck it, God, damn Frank, you got it any nothing out, I'm gonna go to see I'm gonna go to the coelab It is the coin I should have. I wanted it to be the animal. For some reason, I knew it was gonna be the coin.

He hilarious, it was, it was all.

It was all. Rusy thought that it would get them hyped up, thinking that God was with them and they were unstoppable, and ironically enough, every time he did it, they didn't lose.

All right, So we are three to one. Please still have a shot a j.

It number five coming up?

You know what real quick would that be? Like the O G Placebo test?

I mean you think you damn right, because it's it's just fake. I mean, it's no matter what it's gonna like he's gonna be right. Yeah, that's wild, all right. Number five, The Great Wall of China is three hundred and fifty miles long. Excuse me, The Great Wall of China is thirteen thousand, one hundred and seventy one miles long. The Great Wall of China is three thousand and seventy four miles long.

I'm gonna go with c.

I'm gonna go to sea as well.

You are wrong. It is thirteen thousand, one hundred seventy one miles long.

I didn't think it could be that long. You know how fun I knew it was that is. I knew it wasn't a you know how long that is? That will be that fucking long? Would border the Unitedly long, it's all. It's almost seven miles it would border the United States. No, no, sorry, it is almost seven miles. No, no, no, you said thirteen thousand, thirteen thousand.

One hundred and seventy one miles miles miles miles thirty miles thousand.

Wait do you mean the entire United States?

The way around? Yeah? Thirty fourteen second.

I was like, howling, thirteen thousand, idiot.

Excuse me, so your weed is showing.

Is showing, then.

I'm still winning this game. Fuck you, alright, curator the Roman Empire. In the Roman Empire, they used goats testicles to enhance male male fertility. In the Roman Empire, they used gladiator blood to treat epilepsy. And in the Roman Empire, they used goat seamen to promote hair growth.

Uh, number one, take a shot in the dark.

What was one was goat goat testicles to enhance male fertility. Yeah, I'm gonna go with a I'm gonna go with that.

You are both wrong. It is absolutely be they they so in the Roman Empire, they used to they used to drink the gladiator blood to treat epilepsy.

I remember the drinking the blood, but I couldn't remember what it was for. And then I thought, for some reason it wasn't epilepsy.

But yep.

Sorry. I also chose with AJ chose so I could purposely win.

How make myself it is.

Over logit strategy.

We will save number seven for another time and we will move on. You want me to do it, all right, all right, let's just do it.

Yeah, all right.

So here's the three of them. The most successful pirate in the world, was a woman named Ching She. The most successful pirate in the world was a man named Edward Teach. The most successful pirate in the world was a man named William Kidd b Nope, you motherfuckers suck it better not be a king.

Is number one.

Yeah, she actually was married to the the original captain of the ship.

But yeah, I saw a video on that a couple of weeks ago.

But he loved her so much and had so much respect for her that he treated her as an equal, and therefore everyone on the ship did as well due to the culture. So she was the captain.

Eventually he ended up dying or some shit, he like died in battle, and then she took over. Yeah.

Wow, all right, well evidently she was. She was fucking ruthless from what they from what I read, so she was like like smart, very good business woman, but she was.

Ruthless speaking of business and ruthless. I was gonna tell a Mexican joke, but that got deported, So then I was gonna tell a Canadian joke, but Trudeau wanted to tax the shit out of that. So here's an African joke for you. And you guys know why, there's no pharmacies in Africa because you can't take medicine on a empty stomach. Hmmmm.

I thought it was because Bill Clinton wasn't president anymore and he's not giving away free shit.

Maybe speaking of Bill Clinton, that leads me into my next segment. So I was having a conversation with our producer and somehow it got on the topic of what are three people that you would love to have dinner with, to have a good conversation with, like random fucking people. I was trying to get her mind off of something.

Currently living is what it was, but currently living.

I asked her about currently living people and I had named Bill Clinton, Ken Griffey Junior, and Dame Judy Dench and she was like, what the fuck. I was like, well, think about it. I would like to ask all three of them a question about something. It would be cool. And she immediately went to, Oh, you just want to know how her fucking head was. You just care about Bill Clinton and how like Ello Winsky's dick fucking skills were. And I was like, but that's not the point, but

The head's gotta be good to risk it right to ask him how to play the saxophone, you dumb bingo.

Yeah, I want to know how to get that riz because Bill Clinton had that fucking riz. Dude, he had that swave like odd sex appeal for a man that was just ugly as shit.

So yeah, look a brother.

But anyway, so I thought it'd be fun to bring on here and ask you guys. And originally I was like, well, we can each do our own three, but I think it'd kind of be fun to kind of compile all of them together, Like, let's do this together as as a podcast. Who Let's pick like three to five people that we think would be phenomenal to have dinner with that are living currently, so it would be realistic current questions, not you know, people who are dead.

How about we give to each that we've already prepared, okay, and then we all have to collectively choose choose one after that, so like this, don't hats two. I have my two, you have your two, and then and then we can collectively agree to have one person that the three of us get to go to dinner with. Okay, all right, change up right. It's not very Kreischer now, Monica, I'll go first. I would love to do uh a

Yeah, I can see that, right, Yeah, I can see that.

And then yeah, right on the back of his Yeah you get I'm gonna be like Ben Stiller and Dodgeball. Figure, give me the middle figure, We're gone. Yeah, yeah, there's mine.

Don't look like a backpack.

Tos is like six to four, bro, Like I just said, I'll look like Ben Stiller on Dodgeball.

Do you not remember that scene? Go watch it?

Well clip it to this clip. Let me mark clip right now so we don't lose this spot. You go ahead. Let's see.

So I got Aaron Rodgers on there. Oh, I like just because like I want to pick his fucking brain. Okay, so much about so many different topics. Okay, when it comes to when it comes to QB, the ayahuasca trips, how he handled the fucking brutal assault on his character from COVID like damn, oh, I got so many fucking questions.

Yeah, damn.

And plus like I want to slip him something and then ask him all of that and they'd be like, am I an ayahuasca right now? No?

Man, but I'm about to pop another gummy another one too.

I could almost guarantee you that a hundred milligrams doesn't fucking touch him. He is probably close to Joey d.

Well, I mean like he he also admitted that he like is a percocet user, so really it makes total sense.

Yeah, Like his threshold like has to be through, the red has to be high. I can't wait for five years from now when when Nick Cage does a biopic of Aaron Rodgers. It's gonna be great.

I've got a couple. I think, what's your first one. I think the first one would actually be Jim Carrey. Oh, I like it. I like, like I I worried.

I kind of wavered back and forth about this one a little because I was like, what if he's doing like, you know, if he's doing impressions and ship like that the whole fucking time, it's gonna it's gonna get a little old.

But I don't think he would.

I think he's very down to earth like Keanu, especially now in like his older age, like like earlier young Jim Carrey, I think for sure he would have been like impressionist for sure, But now seeing in his interviews.

Now, yeah, yeah, I think I think that would be a great one. So I like Jim Carrey and and he's got I like a lot of his viewpoint and the way he interprets life as a whole. Yeah, and that would be that would be fun to pick.

Like his his uh.

I really love his video where he sat down and he talked about the difference between being sad and being depressed. Yeah, I really liked that his viewpointed to that. I thought it was really really insightful.

It'd be really cool. And I would actually like to ask him about some of the movies that he did too, so and then how he got into some of those characters, because there's a few characters that he doesn't talk to, he doesn't talk too much about, and how he got into the character. He talks about the movie itself and you know what the movie set was like, but not how he transitioned from normal to that. You know, so like me, myself and Irene.

But but fucking Andy Coffin.

Yeah, I think collectively the whole world, including him, went that was a bad idea.

Yeah, yeah, probably not my bradest idea. Yeah, absolutely don't. Why don't you let's let's go reverse, Let's go you stone the me this time? Okay, what's your next one?

The next one would be Neil de grasse Tyson. So I I would like to ask him some questions.

Yeah, there are a lot of Where do you want to go to dinner with him?

Ironically enough, like my picture perfect place to have this dinner would be like a pizza parlor, like like a New York fucking Grungey Street pizza parlor, pizza parlor where there's really not a whole lot of people around. You know, we might actually be the only ones in there. There's fucking neon lights flickering. You know, you smell beer and cigarettes around us. And because I think that would be relaxing enough to let free some real honest questions.

I got an alternate to that. What if you took him to like some fancy restaurant and like Aspen somewhere in the mountains, right dinner outside, so you're looking at the stars, the real stars, not the BS stars. We get here because the light and the sky drowns at everything a real stars, and then he can point shit out to you, like, oh god, that'd be great. So none of the simulation, simulation, the simulation.

I like that idea though. That's really cool. That's a really cool idea.

Yeah, I can dig it.

Yeah that's cool. Stone let's see.

Oh yeah, I really want to go to fucking dinner with Shane Gillis one hundred percent, a hundred percent. I just want to sit there and be like, bro, get me, let let's have a great time, and let's just fucking just just throw them off each other, like let's go like you'd make a joke and make a joke. Mark Noman shows up out of nowhere, like oh shit, you know, like, oh god, it'd be.

The commercials with him and Post Malone, Like, you know, while those two would be together, they're fantastic.

Well Post he is like more reserved now after having a kid, like he dropped off a lot of his partying antics. But I think he I think for Shane, I think he would turn it up for Shane. Yeah, So that would be really cool to be a fly on the wall for Yeah, Yeah, I love it.

My My next one is a very off the wall as being a huge sports person, I had to go somewhere with sports, and I think this one ties it to my real love and driving passion for sports. And I'd love to go to dinner with Scott van Pelt. Yeah, and the reason why, the reason why is he's such

Yeah, I'd be down with that. So I'd be down with that. Let's go one more. Let's each say one more. You guys got one more each? Say one more?

Yeah, I don't go ahead, like for sure Joe Rogan, Like I can't not say Joe Rogan because I just want to get high shit and just like bounce it off him too, especially God Like, like he mentions like quite a lot about like his ordeal that he went through with what happened with him and COVID and everything. But I think there's some ship that he still hasn't even told on air, And like those are the questions I want to hear, you know, be like, hey, man, like who who pulled you into the back rooms and

Like, hey, so hey, shut the fuck up.

Yeah, we can give you a billion dollars or we can throw you to the wolves CNA. And he was like, Beta, So I would love to plus like you would pay for my tomahawk.

Let's go suit of recap. Your three are Aaron Rodgers, Shane Gillis and Joe Rogan.

Mm hmm, what a weird three. Yeah, I mean like weird. I mean it's not a would have picked.

No, it's a Joe Rogan.

Joe Rogan makes sense.

It's a Joe Rogan episode like before being honest, right, yeah, okay, all right, Jordan, you go.

George W.

Bush.

And the reason why, yes, the reason why is solely because I think I could get that fucker lit enough to admit it to just I don't even care about that. I could give two fus about that. It is a tape recorder. No say it.

I want to say it.

I want to know that, and do your eyebrow raised right before you say it? Right.

I think that.

Getting to have time with him would be fun, cause he's just he is smart in ways, he's quirky, he's different. I feel like he'd be one of those college boys at heart still, like when you get him drunk, like he's just squirrely. Yeah, And I just want to get him enough where he just starts divulging shit that I want to know nothing, nothing crazy, like I could care less, like I said about like all the other really real conspiracies. I want to know the shit, Like, bro, what's area

Yeah, Like what what if you get a little too far in the weeds with him though, you know, and like all of a sudden you start talking about stuff and you're like, oh man, Like mister president, I don't want to hear about you sticking down your wife's throat and her puking all over the overall office, Like maybe we shouldn't go there, let's just go back to area

I don't know. I walked in on my dad and mom having office. Barbara Bush was that kind of freak dude. I couldn't see it. I couldn't picture that. I can picture you a lot. I think I think he'd be a fun one. That's like a quirky one for me that I think would be fun.

I mean that, so you you actually kind of you kind of touched that. That's the same type of logic that I had with Bill Clinton.

Right.

Like with with Bill Clinton, it's I want to know all the secrets, right, it's it wasn't just about like the joke about Monica Lewinsky, I want to know about the secrets like that's I think that he's the type of person that would divulge those secrets.

I think you get the moonshine in Arkansas on a full deck house, like on exactly five acres with nobody else around, Hillary's passed out.

Tell us what was on Hillary's hard drive? You just wanted that ship. She had to bleach what was on exactly what came out of the Clinton Foundation, y'all had to shut it down. When it was being investigated.

What happened?

You become his dog?

Right?

You let him play the saxophone. You guys are high as a fucking kite. You're like, I'm playing the fucking snare drum because I don't know.

How to do anything else. And he's probably played the skin flute. I could probably play the skin flute, but it's not the same sound.

Are you beat boxing or playing a flute?

What if he was like, Okay, I'll give you the secrets to everything. Yeah, but you gotta suck the cock. Wait, don't I changed my answer? I want to have dinner with Montica Lewins cause she knows everything.

Listen, like, Okay, in all seriousness, if if if he if he said that he would have to give up certain things first, but I would I would do it for the rest because I'm that devoted to knowing. It's a funny way of saying your gay, who's your third button at the beginning?

Yeah, I'll give you a different one, though, I so I would.

Say your power bottom.

I would actually want Tom cruise, Okay. So I want to know. I want to know about his secret society. I want to know if he's eating babies.

Yeah, Tom, Okay, okay, I.

Want to know about scientology. That's and I think that if you if you got him, Jim Carrey, and Neil de grasse in the same fucking room, at the same table, at the same time, you can't tell me that wouldn't be fucking riveting.

You didn't say that these were all at the same time, that would have changed my answers completely.

That's exactly what I said.

I didn't know it was like a group dinner. I thought it was like you have dinner with these people individually. No, I would change my answer at all.

That'd be the best protector of parks ever.

Here's just a Joe Rogan podcast.

Yeah, what's th This is thirteen eighty three man, just at six and a half hours, No way, No, Jordan stopped listening in forty minutes.

Watch dude, Well we got to the second commercial break.

Chad, Chad, Chad's gonna hit Joe up in the hallway on the way out of fucking work tomorrow and be like, Hey, these fucking dumbasses that I that I have to listen to every night with their stupid fucking podcast had the best idea ever for your podcast. And we're gonna see it in a week.

That's true. True, I believe that one hundred percent. Okay, So if we all had to agree on one last one before we get going, we all have to agree on what is it? Agree?

Is it? Or no?

No?

No?

Okay, we are going to collectively, the three of us go to dinner together with one person.

Okay, Okay.

I got a suggestion that's not on any of our lists, and I think we would all agree, not for political reasons, just because we want to. We want to hear him talk this shit, okay, and that is d Trump. I think we all want to hear that man talk that mad ship for hours just because it's fucking hilarious.

I I mean, I don't disagree with that. I feel like, oh my god, I feel like the problem is there.

You wouldn't.

I wouldn't feel like it's conversation because he would start talking and he won't stop. Yeah.

Yeah, I want to hear all that ship.

I want to hear him talk the most ship ever. Yeah, I don't. I don't know. I would have.

I would have a hard time with that funnier.

What do you what do you think the three of us would enjoy a dinner with.

So I actually think the three of us would enjoy Keanu the most if I'm being honest. Well, yeah, yeah, if it's somebody that we haven't said, Johnny Depp.

That's a good one. Stop tapping, Okay, who's doing not taps on the table. Jordan's got that fucking that, George got that nine miles high? Since Jesus, what am I at the fucking Wall of China? You were up and fucking cheese it dust earlier, asshole, just like fucking Jimmy was in the bathroom snorting.

Preservatives right up the nose.

Oh you know, I think would be a really fun one for us, like to keep us in stitch out. It's just something about it, like somewhere around his style, Woul somebody like Chappelle, just like I would agree with Chappelle, just such a cool dude, Like he's gonna sit there and light a cigarette. You're gonna You're gonna be in something down the earth too, Yeah, way down to earth. Yep.

I would I agree with that one. I could do that, the three of us.

I could do that. Yeah, yeah, there's the three of us, not not not necessarily, as the podcast just the three of us, like we're all going to dinner and yeah, we're just talking ship. Yeah, he rolls up, he rolls up higher than a kite, and he's just like, let's talk for a couple of hours. Yeah.

You know, I wouldn't even want him to do any of his character. I would just want the raw hymn.

Yeah yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. Yeah, bounce the joke office every now and then, yeah yeah yeah, every every once in a while. Just something, give us, give us something, could even be an old joke, you know, oh absolutely, all right. I like it. I really like that sagment. I like this the rundown it was. It was really well put together. I liked the blend of it. It was very back and forth, kind of weird dynamic, but it all played well together.

So it's a good time.

So Days on de Equel, episode one sixty one, Right, yeah, yeah, all right, catch next week, peace out later.

So I was going to try and tell you guys a joke about isis, but I didn't think that i'd nail the execution, So instead I'll tell you about this conversation I overheard where the son was like, hey, dad, if I was gay, would you still love me? And I was like, don't be silly. You're an accident. I've never loved you nice.

When you said nail execution, I thought you were to go to a Jesus joke.

Cross that one off your list.

Oh,