Welcome to Dad's on day clok.
Parental discussion is advised mature content beyond this point.
So you guys, A guy sits down at a bar, is everything okay? The bartender ass my wife and I got into a fight. She isn't going to talk to me for a month. Bartender says, well, maybe that's a good thing, a little peace and quiet, right, Yeah, today's the last day though, m h, what better way? What better way to do a long dad joke for something that hasn't happened since August of twenty twenty three.
Welcome fucking back.
I thought you were just gonna lead with welcome, like you're welcome.
We back, bitches.
I had to check Spotify for this one. His Dad's on Dequil, Episode one eight.
I'm none, I'm dope, I'm stone baby.
All fucking three of us. This is so stupid. I don't know why we're doing this.
This is not so it is retarded, does.
In not true dad fashion. We actually came back from this. We thought about it, oh, for a long time. For a long time.
Oh, I got one of us, got the milk. I forgot that shit.
So uh anyway, Dads on Daquel is back. I guess we just kick right off with what the fuck we've been doing. How about let's start with the guy who hasn't been podcasting, literally not. He's podcasts twice since the last episode of Dad's on dayquel. He podcasts one time with the Bleach Bros. Which no longer exists. That was our football trip that Stone couldn't make it too, And then he podcasts one time with the Raunchy Regret Podcast.
We'll get into that in a minute, but most of you listening probably at least listen to one or more episodes of that. But domb, what the fuck you've been up to working a lot?
Uh?
Yeah, that's pretty much it. I forgot. Uh. I've got a couple stories that we'll get into in later episodes. Many it's down down the road. But yeah, you guys. You guys kind of went on your path and your journey and I went online. Mine took me away from home for quite some time, which was shitty in its own right. So it's good to be back now. I'm back at home for the duration. I've got more of an office work life balance from my home office instead
of a field office, which is really cool. Wouldn't trade the experiences I had out in the field for too much, other than maybe more time with my family, which is why I'm back. So and but with that, with being home, came the opportunity to set up, Yes, set up my studio again. So here's hoping nice.
Well, it's I mean, we've heard your voice. I hear your voice all the time. We've probably talked more in the last month than we talked in the last like six months. Yeah, I the last month, Like every day when I get off work, I'm calling you for like the last week.
Yeah, it's it's good to be available, you know what I mean. Like when I'm on the road, it's it's difficult that I've got a lot of shit to do. There's paperwork out the wazoo. So working weird hours, yeah exactly. I'm working five to five and then I come home, I get some food, and then I'm working another four or five hours again. God, so I barely have enough time to touch myself. John make a.
Voote call, so four minutes and he was already talking about his penis fucking a so stoned. Last time we recorded the Dads on day quill Uh, the stone wasn't with us because he was in college, and in true Van Wilder fashion, he's still in college. Mind you, I'm just making it sound like it's a long time, but it hasn't been that long. But but we all know Stone's been around podcasting. We we snuck him back in
after a little while. But for those maybe that haven't listened to anything but the Dad's on day, well, we thank you, We appreciate you for coming back.
Stone.
What have you been up to?
A lot of school, a lot of work, a lot of avery, and now that I got a girlfriend, m m, a lot of that too. But yeah, life's been pretty good. I'm graduating college in August with my degree in finance and just raising avery. She's in kindergarten now, and it's wild, insanely wild. When we started this, she was a year
and a half old. Yep, man, she was a year and a half old and was a little spunkball energy and now she's still has spunk all energy, just now fully forming sentences and telling me how she dislikes her classmates. And I'm like, damn, kid, bring out that sasas, let's hear that.
Tea spill it baby.
But yeah, other than that, it's been a quite a journey without Dads, And holy fuck, am I so glad that I'm here with you two gentlemen right now.
You know.
It's uh, it's funny because we never we never had a goodbye episode because we never quit, right, We just like Stone stepped away. But that was that was announced. It was on an episode. I can't tell you what number it is. Ask Cryst Labar. You know, he'll probably remember. We love you, King.
It's glad to your bed, you King.
But then Dome and I just stopped recording, like shit wasn't working out. And then he was kind of already getting in the weird work funk, and then I was in a weird work funk, and it just went away, you know, And and then it was we just stopped. And then next thing, I know, I was like whatever, And and then you know, we started another podcast just because it was like Dads wasn't doing anything, and and
Stone came back. And then and then the funny part was how this all got resparked was in true fashion of us, Dome sends me a video on Instagram and says, hey, try this for your stupid faggot podcast, which my exact response to him was listen, just because you went am Frank on us doesn't mean that you get to talk shit about me, okay. And then he was like, hey,
I wanted to restart this thing. And then we got into the discussion and then he's like, no, for real, though, I'm gonna be done working and I'll be at home for a solid four months or so, and the hope is for you know, future, So let's let's redo this. And I'm like, are you fucking you're sure? Like redo this? And then so I, you know, reached out to Stone, even though we're doing a podcast together. I reached out like, hey, do you want to rejoin dads? Do we want to
restart this? And it was just a simple fuck, yeah, let's go and it's so yeah. And then I changed the logo on our Facebook page just to see if anything would happen, and it was within within the hour, oh yeah, within the hour, we were all receiving texts and dms and shit about people saying you guys coming back yep. And it made the validation even if there's ten right, it made the validation that people haven't heard this in a year and a half and they're like, let's fucking go.
There were people that I hadn't talked to in seven eight months, you know, not even like comments on Facebook posts to nothing communication like I didn't even know they still existed, right, that were coming around like, hey, is this real? Is this going on?
Yeah, well, we.
Are happy to say that we are here and this time we are here to stay. So dads aren't going anywhere for a while.
Well now, well me, the last time we recorded, my wife was pregnant still so since the last time we recorded, we've had a baby.
The babies had a first birthday, like it feels like forever. But yeah, I did, uh if those of you that listen to the Raunchy Regret podcast don't. And I did that with b Word from formerly the Breach Bleach Bros. And now b Word has hung up his headphones, so he's now just a fan of the show of shows. I should say and shout out to Beasy and then Bezy, that fucking crazy, stupid son of a bitch Texan that we love, needs.
To hang up his love for the fucking cowboys.
That's b word. Now Bez's worse B word. At least you can respect B words. Bez's a mahomes fan Mahome.
That's disgusting, right right. I'm glad I never got to know him.
But yeah, so that show. That show also coincided with the re kindling of this show starting again, was because Beward decided to he was done podcasting, so we all just decided. Like me, I was like, well, I'm good, Like we can just scrap this show because it's not
what it is. If it's not gonna be everybody who started it, then let's just stop it, right, And so that's what we did, and we actually had a going out show and and now here we are so we're trying the damn thing and having some fun again and excited. We got a new logo that looks fucking sick.
Yeah, what the fuck are you wearing?
Aj What am I wearing?
It looks like a like a like a park it's an I didn't even bat an eye until you said that, And then I was like, does he just have a blanket wrapped around him?
Yeah?
It looked it looked like he had like he was wearing a hoodie, but he didn't put it all, like all the way over his body. He just stuck his arms in it. And then the rest of it was just like laying on his chest. He probably actually throw it over his head.
He probably found that ship in a box at the house, like that ship, probably from two thousand and two.
Ship.
I used to have a Ninja Turtle snuggie. That's back in the day. Yeah, towards the end of high school.
Do you remember those wrestling the w W E wrestling like pillows.
Oh yeah, I had that. I had a hul Cogan, a macho man same, and I think I might have had an Ultimate Warrior. I had Jake the Snake. I didn't have Jakes had Jake.
Yeah. They were ver fucking badass.
I used to.
I used to jump off of my dresser and fucking elbow drop them on my bed until I broke my bed. I got in trouble.
I did the same. My futon was in the shape of a V. I'm doing wrestling move on it. I had a belt. I'd be watching fucking raw and like recreating moves like I grab a pillow and stun it and ship. Yeah. My just had a fucking Yeah. It's terrible. It was terrible. But anyway, so so a little bit of Dad's I guess that we can say is we're gonna try some new things. We're gonna bring back lots of the normal what made everything so fun, like all the ship that's real dads. You know, we had Dad Feud,
we had Dad Jeopardy, Dad's Advocate. I'm sure we'll make a comeback. We are going to adopt some different things that we did with other shows, you know, maybe down the road, maybe whatever. But all the Dad classics will be here. But I think we may try who knows, We'll see how this goes. We may try and split it up so you get two episodes per week. I guess you'll find out on this episode if it's one episode or two. We haven't decided yet, but we'll find out.
See how the flow goes. But yeah, Channelty News, I'm sure he'll be making a comeback real soon. So the classics will be here with a bunch of new shit.
Let's get it into the first segment.
Yeah, I know you want to let a little bit.
Yeah, yeah, let's do it all.
Right, So we're gonna we already did our Dad stories. It took less time than I thought it would take. But sure, I don't know, but yeah, so let's do some Da fails of the week. So don't let's go with you.
We got dad fails, Is that right?
Yeah?
Dad fails of the week. So this segment is a new one for the show. Yep, and just kind of self explanatory. It could be self a self story, it could be something you've read online, something Dad related. So let's go with that.
Hell yeah, I got this Reddit post I found. I thought it was pretty damn funny. This guy posted and said, I just thought i'd share my funny fail, and I'm looking forward to other people's funny stories. My oldest, three years old, is in the phase where he says hello to everyone and everything he sees until someone acknowledges it back to him. We read the splash pad and this little girl was using a purple fish turret to spray
other kids, and her mother was nearby. My oldest was trying to say hello to the fish until someone acknowledged it and the girl. However, he pronounces the f and fish as a bee for some reason, so he's saying fish. I put down my youngest and I run over to the girl's mother saying, oh, he's saying fish, fish, it's fish. He doesn't really know how to say that word too well, leaving my youngest fifteen months old, to get dumped on
by a big bucket of water with no support. He's a good sport, but he fell down and was definitely not happy. I like it nice, I like it. I just imagine that little baby just getting dunked on. Oh dude, kid.
That is something I've always wanted to see in person, because I've been to quite a few water parks and you always get that one bucket, you know, or even at splash pads. Some of your local splash pads have him. Now, I've always wanted to see somebody just get absolutely demolished by that water, and unfortunately I've never seen it in person. Seen tons of videos online, but never in person. What
the algorithm does, what the algorithm wants, man, go ahead. So, uh, my dad fail story is a personal dad fail story that happened a couple months ago. And I get this text message from my ex and it says, hey, we need to talk. That's it famous words, right, Hey we need to talk. I'm like, great, what fuck's this about? So we need to talk about your eldest daughter. She has a problem and she doesn't know how to tell you.
She doesn't know I'm coming to you, so please keep this between you and I. She is embarrassed, like, great, all right, something happened at school. There's maybe a boy or a girl in the picture. This is where we're going, right, have you met me?
Now?
So your daughter has a problem with staying at your house, like, oh shit, what's going on? Well, when she's there, she feels like she's just gonna constantly hear you and Brandy having sex. I was like, well, there's two things wrong with that. One got the word constantly.
She's constantly on her fucking period, is what you.
Meant to say, So that's first and foremost. Secondly, what the fuck are you talking about? And she's like, well, she she confided in me that she has heard you and Brandy having sex before. Did she did? She say?
Hey, what's it sound like? Oh yeah, I hear dad saying that constantly, and Brandy's just like, he shut the fuck up.
Listen.
If you're gonna do that, well you take get to the fucking bathroom. I don't want to watch it. And so we get into the conversation of what actually happened, and evidently there was this moment where she had heard us. She heard something, and so now every time she sleeps in her bed she has a afraid that she is going to be woken up by the sounds.
Again.
I was like, oh my god, m n shovel on movie. The kid's getting woken up by the streams sounds in the night.
So I had to have this like, of course, dude, it's me Like, I'm not gonna not fucking say something.
Get the hell out of here.
So I approached Callie and I'm like, hey, so can we have a conversation. Can we talk? So, like a dumbass, I take her out to dinner to talk to.
Her about it.
So we're in public. We're in public, We're at Chili's, nothing special. She's fucking crying at the table. She's pissed off at her mom, at me, and uh so she finally tells me the truth. She's like, yeah, She's like I heard you one night. She was loud, the bed was the bed was banging against the wall, and I just I can't get over it. I was like, okay, we.
Were home that night. It was grandma O.
No, Grandma, dude.
That thing is dustier, the jar that is dustier than an Egyptian fucking museum, so you can fucking unwrap a pharaoh's tomb. So this conversation that it was such a fucking awkward conversation with my daughter.
We're back, baby, Okay, this cup is powdered.
Jesus God, because the intrue fashion of us being sucked up. The only taking picture, I'm sorry, Josh, is your mom's spread legs. Just squirt squawk.
She on target one of those snow machines look like Lebron James.
You know what I'm saying.
You come over to my house at Christmas for the decorations. It's just my mom's fread eagle in the front yard.
Do you think the minor gets blown out during its take crazy nights?
Her side jumps working at the fucking bakery.
Oh god, my white who wearing a Bash's uniform?
I think a job I might throw up? Oh no, a ball blue way. No, it's just grandma, Grandma.
Listening to poison in the back seat.
Cou'd be your other side jump?
Is the fucking window decal the Christmas wind show?
Paint it.
Go in the house.
She's gonna she got a door to door business where she frosts your tree.
This is what happens when this is what happens when stone infuses the world.
Yes, joy to the world, baby, Well that's great.
I want to give us your story, yes man, oh god, Okay, okay, let's.
Wrangle it in all right. So I have two stories. Min'll bring it back down a little bit.
Uh So.
The first one is actually personal data. Actually happened tonight. So you get home foods. Food's not done yet, not that that's a problem, but so I offered help and it required bacon, which wasn't thawed. So I just said fuck it. I asked my daughter, my oldest daughter. I asked her, do you want tacos or burgers for dinner? So she said, are you making the burgers? And I said no. I thought she's gonna mac on me because she's an asshole like that. And she said, then tacos.
I was like, okay, we do taco She goes, no, no, cheeseburgers. So I anyway, I go get in and out and she's gonna go with me. I said, okay, well let's go potti before you go. She goes, no, I don't have to go. And in opposite dad fash, I said all right, cool, let's go.
Let's roll.
Fast forward to we're one car behind the first window, in and out waiting to pay, with about seven cars behind us, and she's yelling at me that she has to peek and then like like the guy in Super Troopers, I'm like, we're all we're already pulled over, can pull over? An I'm yelling at her like we have nowhere to go at this point, I'm just like, just pe your pants.
Like.
At the window, Hey, can I have a large cup real quick?
No?
No, no, no soda, no soda, just a cup, no lid, just a cup. Uh.
So, anyway, she actually made it though. We made it through the drive through, and I said, are you able to make it home or do you want me to? You know, pull into a spot and we can go inside. So we went inside. She's wearing a Princess Tiana dress with uh with fuzzy slippers.
Perfect.
We weren't going to go inside.
Oh you unicorn dress? Here? Yeah?
I did.
Sorry. So what happens when you sit down and talk at your house?
You just forget ship.
That's also my amo, it's my way to come back. I forget shit all the time. If you really know me. Secondly, this one happened this morning to me as well. Uh, and it's just an ironic story. So last week I had a rep bring in food, and so I told somebody that on Friday, if there was still stuff there, you could take it home if you want. Well, they didn't take it home, so I'm clearing it out to him. I take it out to the dumpster. Sois Mexican food.
It's like hold tray rice, whole tray beans, two giant like tubs of salsa, a couple of styrofoam containers. So I'm just walking and multiple people ask me do I want help? No, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. I get out there, I step up next to the dumpster and I just PLoP it in like that, and you know the motion like I have to go with it and upshoots salsa and sprays me in the face like I'm a fucking porno flick right in my fucking eye, Like salsa right into the fucking eyes. So I just
close it. It's burning like a motherfucker. So I have to walk inside, and all I could think about is somebody who works in the fucking eye field just got salsa. In there from doing the dumbest fucking thing possible, and now I'm gona have to explain this to some fucking doctor that I gotta go see, right because his side notes to my beginning story because I quit my other job because fuck those assholes, and now I'm working for
a different job. But I don't work with the doctor all the time because I'm working at a surgery center. So long story short there. But yeah, so it was funny that I just got sausage is sprayed in my eye like a fucking wanker.
That's also was like surprise.
Yeah, the fucking Mexican cum shot baby, that's right, And I was.
Anyway, So yeah, that was That was my story. But that doesn't top the fucking powdered sugar that destroyed the rest of this episode. You are all welcome. Dad's on Dapo's back.
So your story reminds me of something that happened with Grayson. So I'd asked Grayson to take the trash out and I was like, this is uh a couple of months ago as well, and he was pissed off. He didn't want to stop doing what he was doing. He was aggravating. I was like whatever. Dude, like, it's just take the trash out. It's fucking twenty feet across the street. I already pulled it out. I already pulled the bag out of the can. All you gotta do is just walking
across the street. Your slippers are right there by the door. It's easy. He gets frustrated. He's like ah, and he's mumbling under his breath. And so I opened the door and I was like, listen, if you're gonna be a smart ass, I'll lock the door behind you and just kind of veil threat. Wasn't gonna do it right. He gets pissy, and as I turn around to walk away, I see him get get that extra emotion that like, you know, that one little bite that catches you. And
he grabs the bag and starts to swing it. And before I could say anything, he swings this bag around and up over his head, and the bag rips and trash goes everywhere. And so I'm standing there and you could see him. You could see the moment because he just freezes like fuck, and I'm just waiting for it. I was waiting for that loud cussword to come out of his mouth. And he turns around and he goes, will you help me? I went and nope. It's like you got pissed, you got pissed off, and you did
what you did. Now you got to fix it. He's like, I don't want to touch this. He was out there puke it, gagging, trying to pay. I was like, dude, just come in and get some gloves. I don't know why you're doing this with bare hands. Come in, grab some gloves, and then finish cleaning it up. So he did. He like a like a trooper. He actually finished while he was puking, finished cleaning up the trash that he had so uh aggressively thrown over the neighbor's yard.
Yeah that's amazing. Yeah, that's just amazing.
Kid. The kid's a fucking trip. I've read so many stories for later episodes that since we've been gone, just from him. Yeah, not to mention the the you know, the one that where Lily tried to kill.
Him, the dads on Diggle being gone on for over a year, there's there's lots of stories to make up. You know. It's like, oh, yeah, it's it's wild. It's fucking wild, Like like when we when we left recording, Like I said, the last time Stone record, or when when we started, Stone's daughter was a year and a half. Now she's like six, right going on seven. This here, Yeah, my daughter, the last time we recorded was oh, two years she wasn't quite three years old yet. She was
two years old. Now she's four years old. Other daughter that was born is now a little.
Over a year old.
My four year old rules the fucking nest with an iron fist, with an iron fucking fist. Oh, she's she's a true I say this with love.
She is a bitch. When we were over there the other the other weekend, I have lost control. When we were making pizza. She she grabs the broom. She brings the broom outside. Me and Jordan are outside doing this pizza. He's got this really cool pizza oven for Christmas. Uh pellet pizza oven, badass thing. And she grabs the broom and she's outside with the broom and I'm like, all right, it's time to go in. And we were done, we
were going inside. She's like no, like, no, no, no, it's time to go in, Like put the broom down, it's time to going. We're all going inside. We're done. We're gonna finish eating. No, no, I don't think so.
No, I'll stay out here.
Yeah, I'll stay out here. I'm okay. I'm like, no, no, no, put the fucking broom down.
Meanwhile, Dom hasn't figured out that he's out there arguing with the four year old. I've already walked away. I'm like, I know how this story ends. HOMEI I'm going to eat some food, enjoy.
So sit outside fighting with this little fucking terrorist and uh she, I mean she won for a minute, but in the end we came inside. I don't remember how I bribed her, but I bribed her someway, get her inside do something. So I don't know, but she's a fighter, dude, for sure. It's a good thing she's got that.
She gets whatever the award is, and she's like, sucker, Yeah.
What a loser.
Right. She just looks at all of you and goes easy. Yeah, easy she.
Dude, when you talk to her, she is definitely she is definitely right now playing life on easy mode.
Yeah, probably a hundred you can see it. Yeah, So that sums that one up.
So I can't wait to see her and her like path of destruction into sports, because you know, she's gonna like, she's gonna cause some to the top.
I feel like she'll be the girl when you go Like as a as a father who has a son, if your son has played soccer, and the very first couple of years of playing soccer, it's mixed boys and girls, right, and the girls always fucking dominate the boys because they're ahead of the game at that age, right, They're faster,
they're stronger, they're bigger. They just dominate. And I remember that when my son was little, And now I have that girl that like, if I put her in soccer, it's gonna be a problem because she's she has no like she's sweet, like if you're hurt, like she'll pick you up, but she will be the one to knock you down first and then pick you up.
And I wholeheartedly expect her to be wearing a tutu of some sort or a dress of some sort. Yeah, along with her uniform, you know what I mean?
Yeah, Yeah, I'm sure I'm sure like it. If if there, if we if Stone and I could convince his daughter and my daughter to go to the same college, they would probably spend their nights doing recreational roller derby just to fuck just to fuck other people.
Oh yeah, Like yeah, the other night, Avery got like really upset and I was like techling her, and she like came at me and I was like, are you really coming at me right now? And so I was like, oh, gotcha turned her around and she was like ah, and I was like we are you? Okay? What's going on? And then she like stormed off and I was like, what's up? And I came over. She's tearing up, and she was like I don't like to be tickled. And I was like, oh, oh damn, really, I'm sorry again,
my bad? Okay, Yeah, I just I don't know, I just don't like it anymore. And I was like, it's okay, you're growing up, you know. It's we used to something we used to do when you were little. But at a certain point, you know, I guess nobody likes anymore. So we've hit that threshold, you know, you're growing up. She's like, okay, I got really mad at you right there, and I like, I got really mad, and I was like you did.
She goes back to your room like Billy Madison and crosses your name off the name.
Out But yeah, like that was the really first moment where us I Avery got like really mad, really mad. I was like, I was like, damn dude, and and yeah, like I think given enough confidence on roller blades and having Avery understand that she could take her hangro ound on something, I think roller derby her and Ellie.
And Lily too.
I could see Lily like kicking some ass too. Brother, one hundred percent.
Like the rolling tickler.
Give her the h the old crazy moon, all right, she gets crazy on the full moon. Baby your eyes.
Okay, Jordan, you're good. Yeah?
Good?
Now moving into the next segment, No, I can't.
Actually, but hey, I was at the office barbecue and I grilled the medium rare steak for my boss. He said, I like it, well done. I said, thanks. That means a lot. Jesus Christ, Jesus had nothing to do with that joke. Fucking jew all right. Speaking of jew, uh, we got some dad jokes. We have done a dad joke face off.
Before we have.
I'm pretty sure we did it with all three of us back in the day. And I know you and I had done a couple of different joke offs underneath the table when we record, or did in person by ourselves. So when the dad joke off lasted longer. Dome's mouth just does wonders. So let's do a dad joke face off. So I said, let's bring in six jokes each. That way we face each other. You'll face each other host three times. So I figured the way this goes is Stoned and Dome are gonna face each other. First, you
guys will each say a joke. I will pick the winner, and then I'll have to face the winner. So then the person always sitting out picks who they're going against until we're all done with our jokes. Makes sense, Let's do it, Stone, Dome, commence the suckond cock.
You first?
All right, but uh, what's the difference between a piano and a fish? M hmm, you can't tune a fish?
All right? All right, what do you say if you lose twenty five percent of your roof?
Uh?
Oof?
You guys, I think it might be one of my favorite dad jokes I've ever heard. Is so good. It's so good. I'm like three, I'm like three levels.
I that is tough, because damn those are both great. I'm gonna go with I'm gonna go with Dome.
You should.
Yeah, they were both so good. Though I thought this is so good. All right, Dom you take? You get to go first this time against me?
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth. It's past your eyes before you can even see it.
Mm hmm.
You know I wrote down that you could be clean or dirty, and I feel like I'm the one that should have just stuck with just the plain dad jokes. Uh, how do you not get pulled over by a Jewish policeman? M m you're driving the toll lane? Mm hmmmm.
It looks like you're drinking a fucking cup of moonshine.
It does, it really does, just because it's a mason jack. Yeah, that stone you get to pick, buddy.
I'm gonna go with Deme on this one.
Dome too, And oh got one more joke left here?
It is? Okay?
Am I going first again?
Yeah?
Winner goes first?
All right?
All right?
All right?
What are the most important numbers? Ones with death because there's a point to them.
Yeah, don't this is my turn. I'm lost, like lost right now? That's great ship. What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to bed?
I bet it's amazing.
He puts his pajamas on mmmmm.
I'm gonna go with I'm gonna go with Stone this one. It's so stupid. Go first, buddy.
How much does a chimney cost on average? Nothing? It's on the house.
M hm mm hmm. What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Hm hmm open toad.
M m hmm.
Okay, okay, Stone, I think he croaked on this one. I'm gonna have to go with the note.
I think so too.
All right, Just for you, my friend, these are not tailored to you by any means. It's just random look of the draw.
Thanks.
What do you call a thousand Jews on a train?
Jesus Christ?
No, that's not what you call them. But you call them anything you want. They ain't coming back? Is that what you call him? Call him anything you want, they ain't coming back.
Is that a joke? I can't tell that to my kids.
Here, you get have you met your kids?
Fair enough?
Ellie wrote that joke? What are you talking about.
Right after she got done reading mind comp What do you call friends you like to eat with taste buds?
That's adorable? Adorable?
No, you got to pick a winner.
Yeah that one? Okay?
What has a spine but no bones? Hm our producer Randy with an eye.
Oh oh, why didn't the pepper practice archery?
Why is that because.
They didn't have an etto.
Stoned?
Mm hmmm?
Oh ship, And I've got two more? Stone, d're up? Are you out all right?
No? No, I'm just one.
I have one?
So who is the king of the pencil pouch the ruler?
How much does a rainbow? Way? Not much? It's pretty light.
Unless there's blue hair, and then generally this was blue hair.
Jes don't go with you. Do you have one more?
I have one more?
Okay, last one for you?
Go ahead.
Did you know that rain doesn't fall rain drops?
M hmm.
My head.
Well, I'm gonna stick to the theme of not dad jokes with you. What's the difference between a boy and a church?
Oh? Fuck?
The church doesn't scream when the pastor enters.
Hey, oh good god.
Yeah, Stone, you just get to pick me even if dome winds, because it's you and I buddy. Do you have two left? Because I have two left?
Yeah?
Perfect, I'll go first. What's the worst part about being bisexual and single? You play for both teams and you're still a loser?
Mm? Yeah? Or her names a j I don't know, all right, how do mountains see?
Tell me?
They peak.
Like me and your mom's window.
A little sneaky sneaky.
Christmas in July.
Baby, that's gonna be the name of this episode's powered sugar.
Alright, last one stone?
Go ahead?
Oh god? Who?
Alright? Why does a duck have tail.
Feathers to protect its asshole?
To protect it's but quack?
On the right track, When does a joke become a dad joke.
When it becomes apparent?
No? I know, when it leaves, it never comes back.
O M.
Suck on them titties. Well, let's just jump right into the next topic. Yeah, let's grill talk. So we've we we the three of us, although we have not recorded in a long time for this show right before this last episodes, we do lots of grilling, lots of smoking. So I figured, like, let's just open it up, Like, what's what's new on the HAPs for everybody? Grilling wise? What what do you think? Don't what's the best way uh like to cook? When it comes to grill, like grilling,
smoking those new flattop grills? What do you got?
All right? So the best the best way to grill is with charcoal. Okay, grow back, So listen, when you break it down, you get extra flavor, you get a good crispy crust. And charcoal is the true way to grill. You get a little bit of chemical going from the charcoal. You get a little bit of all that lighter, fluid, cancerous flavor. Right. Nothing like a fucking hot dog on the fourth of July that is burnt to shit because your uncle got fucking drunk on the grill.
Or are spangled hammered.
Yeah, listen.
I also do like wood fire. I do like woodfire grilling, but that's that's a lot harder, it's more time consuming. So my my best is kind of an overall wrap.
Right.
Grilling with charcoal is convenient, it's quick enough. You you get very good flavor, very good texture. There are other there are other ways that are good, right, but it's an overall top way. It's charcoal.
That would be your favorite way to consume barbecue food is off of a charcoal grill, correct, Okay, okay, Stone.
It really depends on what I'm making, because to be honest, it really is different depending on what it is like for steak or generally any meat that is purposed for tacos. I want a grill for pulled pork, for ribs. I want a smoker for chicken. I want charcoal for being a loser. I want those flat top grills like I don't know, like the Sky's Love directions microd No, you know which one I really want to get, like so bad. I want to get the Santa Maria grill. Have you
ever seen those? Yeahs the steakhouses they raising lower yeah, into like charcoal or wood fire.
Oh yeah, yeah, I thought they were hood grills.
That was the one with the friar that you sent video. No, yeah, yeah, he converted that Santa Maria and yeah, but that's a Santa Maria grill.
Yeah, okay, yeah, okay.
Those are pretty cool. They haven't been They have him here at Centennial Park. You can rent that.
Well, that's right, they do. Yeah, it's right over by the toptball fields.
You can make those pretty easy.
You know.
It just takes a police system and some bars and pieces of metal and then just brick. Yeah, probably cost you a couple of hundred bucks.
Maybe tops, you know, let's cost you a couple hundred bucks. Agree, got you? Yeah, I agree with Stone on this one. It depends on what I'm having, because I would much rather have steak off of a grill than.
I I know.
Listen, I just say I like his breakdown. I still have an answer, but I do really like the breakdown of it depends what it is.
Now.
If I'm gonna choose, oddly enough, it'll be chosen what was started from this podcast, which is smoking smoking only because as crazy as it sounds like, I'll still smoke like a try tip or I'll still smoke a steak because on the smoker I can get the temp up. On the electric ones, at least get the temp up where I can open the grate and then still grill it at the end to reverse seir it right. Other than that, like everything else I want is on the smoker. I want my ribs on the smoker, my pull pork
on the smoker. I want my chicken on the smoker. But I will say that for my wife and I's anniversary last year, it was the year where you give iron and she remember she's got a little upset because her she said her present was late, and then it was like a day or two late. And then I remember like ups came and dropped off. I got the ring notification, I go out there to pick it up, and I was like, what in the fuck is this?
Like it is a like two foot by one and a half foot package and it says thirty pounds on it, and I have no clue what it is. So I open it up and it's actually a flat top welded grill that you put on top of a gas grill.
So she got the measurements and then found this company that makes them, and so you put the flat top on the grill so that you could have your regular grill or the flat top two and one right, And I don't even use the regular grill part anymore because the flat top just fucking kicks ass.
Like it's tops are pretty nice.
When it comes to chicken breast. The chicken breast is amazing on that thing because it's so good. And making smash burgers, it's so much arne.
Grilled cheese sandwiches. You can make grilled chees sandwiches and done that. Yet you can make eggs and bacon and hash browns on those. You can make pancakes on those. Dude, wait till you make pancakes on pancakes.
See that's The other problem, though, is I have a flat top griddle that's electric and we've had it for seven years.
That real flavor, though, yeah.
A little smoke flavor.
Does this look like charcoate from nineteen seventy ninety?
Well when you do, when you make the pancakes, just let me know and I'll have moc them over so you can get some powdered sugar.
You say funnel cakes, that we're doing.
Shit and brought the fuddle cakes two taps in the shoulder.
Randy's been on a rag for a month. I've been saving up the strawberry syrup. I's gonna sugar to these and dust them off at the end.
Oh no, the strawberry syrup. H the irony, little clumpy, Oh, the irony.
Unlike a period. That joke will never get old.
Uh. And we ended it like one.
Hey, listen, as long as they keep coming, we're good.
Any changes to barbiecuing since last time though we were there like something that you just are fucking like maybe the last time we were together that you love, but now now it's something else, like you're hooked on something else.
I want to buy one of those pizza ovens that you have.
Yes, I want one outside of outside of the first attempt.
That was good. They should have instructions that fucking tell you to bake the dough first, all right.
I should have made that. My dad feel the week.
M Yeah, we can talk about that another time.
Yeah. The one funny part though, is Dom and I split split a gummy patch pat, and so later on we're sitting there locking eyes of the counter like we're about to whip dicks out and just gay and.
Laughing at each other like we had an entire conversation without opening our mouths.
Yeah, pretty much one of those. And uh my wife walks by in true fashion and hollers and she's like, oh, I don't know it just only said pre baked three to five minutes on the fucking boxing. I'm like, yeah, we were pre baked about an hour ago. Now we're fully baked. It's good. It was good. Love it.
Yeah, oh yeah, dude.
And actually that that leads me into that that leads me in the next thing, the last the last segment, which is that's why I wrote it, because I wrote it on later on my notes Dad approved life lessons example of not needing instructions to build something So in my essence was I followed the instructions to build it, but then I didn't follow the instructions of cooking because I was like, oh, that's for a normal My exact response to my wife, No, no, no, you don't need
to pre bake it. That's for a normal oven. This thing cooks in like three minutes. There's no pre baking. I go to put my pizza in the pizza oven and it just flops like a fucking calzone, fucking face onto the stone, chars itself, it fall yelling me.
Over instantly, almost instantly, This fucking oven's like five hundred and sixty degrees. Yeah, dude.
But once we got it down, once we actually listened to the instructions, it went great. So with some tweaks, with some tweaks, yeah, some dad tweaks. Yeah, got Jimmy rigged a little bit, but they didn't tell you to throw a bunch of flour down, and so that was so than we created.
But yeah, that first one was a fail.
But by the end of the night it turned out really good.
Yeah, Oh it was fantastic. It was. It was up there with every pizza I've ever had.
Okay, that's not true, but it was really good. It was good and sold me.
I was like, that was so sincere. Wow.
And then Stone comes to visit I make the pieces. He's like the man dome sucktarted? How high was he.
The only dough? I liked this in my ice cream? What the fuck is this?
Stones? Like me that original cal zone?
What is this?
We saved it. It was so gonna, We saved it for you.
It was frozen, frozen thought, Oh, it's not burn, it's all good.
What do you got, Stone?
I got? I wrote all these like a Bible verse kind though.
All right, let's hear.
Him, you know, learn the ancient art of smoking meat. It'll hide the ancient smell of smoking lettuce for twenty six nine pitch yeah, one hundred. It smells like you've got a fire going outside, Like I'm going outside. I had that ship.
Let's go.
It works, or so I think it works. Everyone else is just like, what the fuck is wrong with that asshole? Jesus Now he smells like a campfire and the devil's lettuce.
My god, my god, oh Jesus Christ, I was speaking of that. I would have never made it as as a as a bloodhound we get home all the time. This will make sense in a second. We get home all the time, and anytime we get home that makes no sense. Anytime we get home. In our neighbors, you get home at the same time. They're younger than us, maybe by four or five years, right, but they are
younger every time. Summer's like man reek of pot and I'm like, I never smell it ever, Like it has to be lit in front of me for like me to smell it. Really, I just I have a horrible nose when it comes to that shit. Always have. I always have. Like at concerts, I can smell it, but it's usually like right next to you, right, and people are lighting it up. But it's everywhere. Yeah, but right,
and it's everywhere. But if if I'm just walking by and somebody smells like weed that had smoked, I would never smell it.
You just think it's your fucking cologne.
I don't know. I just don't smell it. I do not have a good nose.
That's weird. Normally that comes from doing too much coke.
Yeah, not all of us can smell pennies before they're made. Okay, dum, what do you gonta don't.
Smell them, dude. I can smell fucking quarters, dimes and nickels and pennies across the parking lot. It's a fucking talent. It's not. It's not an exaggeration, dude. There have been so many times where I've been walking in and out of stores and I'll like point to point somewhere and like, hey, can you go pick that up? And my daughters or my son's like what and they're looking around and like, oh okay, and they just fucking within seconds they scan
the whole parking lot. They're they're fucking Judar goes off and they're like shit, they go into fucking predator mode and they're like, oh, there it is, got it?
Now? Would you say they trained for this or would that be now they're.
Born with it?
Maybe it's maybe maybe it's it's like fucking not.
That hasn't been Mabel since I was sixteen.
What do you have any dad? Life lessons? Approved life lessons? Dumb?
Yeah. Don't ship where you eat? Hmm okay, don't ship where you eat?
Okay?
Oh do I have to explain it?
No? No, I think I think that's self explanatory. You don't ship at your kitchen table pretty much right?
Yeah? Yeah, after you're done wiping, don't fucking smell your hand unless you're Vince McMahon.
It looks like shit to you.
I guess he does.
Like ship where Oh it's true. Here's one for you. Whenever you're cutting halapenos, wear gloves.
Yeah that's uh yeah. Always there's a good life.
Oh my god, another good life lesson for you. Whenever you're done having butt sex, you wipe your appendage off with a towel. Uh, don't hang it up. Oh no, there's a throwback.
For you, the o geez I remember that one? Oh man, that's good stuff. Did you have more stone you said you had written out like a Bible verse?
Or is just that one? It's okay?
Yeah it wasn't. The wasn't commands. Yeah, that was the only one I wrote. I liked. Delete.
Are you sure you want to delete the next thirty six pages?
Next thirty six? Yes? Shit, it's the same burn everything.
This file is too large to put in your recycle, but would you like to just delete instead?
Wow? I was told the same thing most Tuesday.
I got I got one for you. I got one for you, teach teach your kids. Teach your kids that it's okay not to follow instructions as long as you are willing to accept the consequences.
I like that.
That's a good one, meaning they can think outside the box. It's good to think outside the box. It's good to not conform sometimes, but you just have to be prepared for what happens when you do that, plain and simple. You have to be willing to accept what comes of those actions. Also, teach your kids had the tie your shoes.
Teach your kids had a wife their ass.
Yeah, yes, dude, I'm not gonna lie. I went back to the gym the other day and I was fucking sweating, and I mean, like, dude, cause it's been it's been a hot minute, right, it's been like two months, and so I'll sweat my fucking ass off. And I had these shorts on that were kind of this color and they were a little thinner, and about halfway through my workout, I.
Was like, fuck, this is a problem.
And I I could have swore that I had that swast line going, that fucking butt crack ass looking shit line, and I started getting self conscious about it, and I ended up going into the fucking I ended up going into the bathroom and like looking at my ass in the mirror, Look, I look gay as hell.
I was fucking well, if you're gonna do it, that's the place to do it.
But I need it. I needed to make sure that I wasn't walking around the gym with a ship's looking stain on my fucking pants on my shorts.
I don't want to be on looking at those crisp white st Oh yeah. Fuck.
Luckily it was just sweat and there wasn't peeking through. But it's scary for a minute.
That dude has the ship. How do you know ship in his pants? You've never had.
He doesn't do it yet, but he's gonna. You've never had the fucking accidental Leakageyah?
You know, no, No, I can't at the gym, can't say no.
I think the worst I've had is that you get the you get the itchy ass crack and you know, you know there's some ship to wipe because you thought you got it all, but somehow some like three dingleberries you know, hidden the bushes, you know, and and haven't gotten deported yet, and so next thing you know, you got itchy ass crack and you're like, well, I gotta go fucking wipe again because it's like it's it's like an evil. It won't stop.
You know, the moral of this story, this is something to teach your kids, is a washy lash. Yes, please got nasty.
Dude. Grayson got out of the shower, uh like a week ago maybe less, and uh yeah it was the only shower he took.
But no.
He gets out of the shower and I look. I look at him and I'm like, okay, Like his hair is still kind of wet, and I was like, hey, did you brush your hair? No? And as he comes closer to me, I realized that he doesn't have socks on. It looked like he had socks on when he got out of the shower because his feet were so fucking dirty. And I was like, dude, did you wash your feet? He's like, uh huh, like how with the water run down well? And he looks at me like he looked
at me like I was stupid. I was like, dude, did you put soap on your hands or a towel that's in there? Like there's just like hand towels, there's washcloths, and did you didn't put it on your foot. Well no, I'm like, dude, you have to wash your feet. They were disgusting, disgusting. They were black. His fucking feet were black. Like, dude, get back in the shower, and of course, in grays and fashion, he gets pissed off.
Fucks cup and puts it in a drawer.
Yeah, fucking dude.
Oh my goodness, yeah, I mean ship. So, like, I was listening to some of our back catalog just for old time's sake, right, and like one of the first episodes I pull up because I just did random, right, and it was a story about Grace and spilling spilling
a drink on himself twice at a restaurant. After twice you were asked if you want to live for him and you said no both times, And I was just like, man, this, I just forgot the stories of Grace, and like how that guy embodies so many stories of this podcast is wild.
He's a trip. So he's a trip, and he's getting into he's getting into video games right now. He's I bought him Elder scrolls. He wanted to, he wanted to try it. He's like, I want to challenge Can I have it? I know it's hard, and if anybody knows video games, Elder Scrolls is a Dark Souls type game. It's one of the hardest games you can get, right, it's hardest games you can play. It's a fantastic game.
But for a ten year old who has anger issues, I was a little hesitant did it anyway, But the kid spent two days, not consistent, two days, but you know, two different times, playing in two different days trying to beat this boss. And he finally did it. And when he did it, he was so proud of himself and he was so excited, and he came up and he gave me a high five, and he's like, thank you for not letting me give up, because he wanted to
give up a couple of times. And I was like, just keep trying, dude, you know, just don't don't give up. That's why you play games. Games are hard so they can be rewarding. It's you'll be fine, It'll be all right. Just keep going. And so he did, and he and every oup and he ended up he ended up beating him, which is cool, and then he got his ass stumped by the next one.
So love it, hell yeah, love it well, Stone, You want to close this out, you know, however, you want to close this out, do your thing.
Yeah, motherfucker's out in the world, in the universe. We here, We fucked up. We had a great time tonight and it is so beautiful to pop this out back to our dad's ondqual listeners. God damn the beautiful motherfuckers. We missed you, Papa kiss.
All right, this Dad's on dag. We'll catch you next week. Peace out.
Later, that's hope. Hey, guys, what's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob. SpongeBob at least asks if you're ready first.
Mm hmm.
I thought it was because SpongeBob already came with holes b