Donte Stallworth

some people don't make it. So made made it through and weekend. Like we ain't supposed to be celebratory. You made it through, like you're supposed to make it through the work week. Yeah. Sometimes though that the weekend if you're a husband or dad and you know you got more work. Yeah. So sometimes it's like sports activity, yes, all that stuff. Yeah, so it doesn't Sometimes you're like, man, I can't wait your structure combs. Yeah. Right, So that's

why I say said made it true. It's not not bad, it's just but then you find yourself tired, right because if you just want to go, we just want to get home, Like for me this weekend, you just want to go you want to get home, you want to watch some NBA playoffs? Dumb, My bad man Steve Context is a is a Clippers fan. Yes, so you to punish. Stop, I've been broke. I mean the facts of the facts. But do I not ride with my teail you dude?

Oh no, that's that's that's definitely a fact. You rock the Clippers at you rocked the and there's no and it's no knock against the Clippers. But but I'm excited. Look, I this is the furthest they've been. They've never been to a conference finals. Right, well, we ain't going no further. We you know what, I'm playing playoff p He's showing up though, I mean, just not on the free throw line. But yeah, stop. Did you hear what Shannon Shark said

about He called him poly est? You know why because when you heat poly esd up, it melts meat on it. He melts Come on playoff playoff, it would be a much different series if Kawal Leonard was I believe it may be a worst series. I'd love to hear your thoughts on why you think that. We look at all these guys that are getting together with other superstars. Brooklyn

I'm not. I'm not a huge fan of Leonard just in general or of him coming coming to say hypothely, come to the Lakers, I mean the Clippers, because Dame is such an ice sol player. He could give you fifty, but he doesn't play defense right. And if he when he goes in those fifty points, when he's going cold, when he goes cold and he's shooting a thirty eight footer is dunking off the rim and the other team is getting a ball and spreading down the transition and transition.

And if you're gonna have those type of all stars, you gotta have some of those all stars. You gotta have your specialists. And I think teams are starting to see that. If you're gonna have some specialists, you gotta have guys to show up on both end of today's NBA. You gotta have those guys there even And that's why I think the Clippers rousso overall. The only thing I've always come to is is Paul George and Kauai too similar. Like you know, you know what I'm saying, Like you

have you have Lebron and a D. Complimentary players. A D can do some things. Lebron can do. Lebron can do some things they they can't do. You look at even though Brooklyn got eliminated, You look at Katie and James, Harden and Kyrie. They all do something. They all do things that are similar, but then they all have distinct differences. Heye, excuse me, Kauai and Paul George are very similar. Do you think Paul George plays just as good of defense.

He's a good defensive player. Yeah. So, but you know what I'm saying, like complimentary. This is the only thing that I see with with that particular duo that they're not that complementary. It's almost like washing rintchs repeat, we got the same guy that you know what, it seems like though he seemed to play better as the head guy versus Paul. Absolutely agree with that. He seems to

be outstanding batman. He has gotten lost in translation in the game of being a robin and everybody can't do that, right. Remember how much Chris Bosh struggle when Lebron came to the Heat. It was, it was it's different when you're used to being the guy who gets buckets and then you gotta have to take the second seat or with Chris bosh that third seat, SA. I'm really I'm a basketball fan that knows zero about basketball. We we always joke about this, like when we're chilling. You know more

about basketball, but I don't. I don't feel confident talking about it. So I look at it purely from a I don't even look at statistics anymore. I just look at like I watched a guy play. I'm really surprised how James Harten morphed his game, right. I also look at people are talking about Kevin during he can't win the big one. He carried that team, he missed the shot, Okay, great. I just look at it purely as a not as appears, not as someone who knows the game, not as athleticism

being an athlete. I just kind of go, man, I love watching basketball. I love I love playoff basketball. Me too. I'll watch every single playoff game. My wife knows when playoffs are on. I'm watching unless it becomes like a complete beat down, like the like that Hawks game the other night, which a man, how about the Hawks? Man?

What's interesting? Where you say that's interesting because you have a head coach that didn't want the job, an interim head coach, and they didn't really want to give them the job. They ran out the other guy, and I think I find it extremely interesting with Trey Young. And this is the part about sports that you gotta be careful of when you draft your franchise. And then you allow who's gonna coach by how they work with one individual, and one individual doesn't buy into it, he doesn't like

how he's being coached. And then that guy gets fired. And then now you see, you know, quote unquote, you gotta give him the buy in he signed that check right, And then now you got a guy Holiday Holiday is putting them paws on it. If he's always Holiday is a defensive monster, that's what you want him to do. Correct, But I find it interested in is now But tray st he's still getting how many uses? Some buckets? Some buckets. That's what I'm saying is he's a young guy who

still needs to develop. Will he be a superstar? I want to see can he can? Can he come out next year and start where he finished in the playoffs. Oh, that's a good point. I also think they've got uh, they got they got a sneaky good roster too. Spircher is archer. I don't know how to pronounce that. But he's he's been good. Collins is a good player. Cappella many they gotta it's not just Trey Young and everyone

else like they have. They have a pretty Solidit a random thought of capella and the time I'm going, does he dye his hair? And that right? Because darn that looks good? Spree pa just that on the on the baalty just get you, just get you can Just like That's when I say I am so checked out as far as an analyst of basketball. I just look at it just as a fan, like okay, so as a fan, who would you who would you like to see in the finals? So I would like to see Milwaukee in

the finals because they're a small market team. I don't want to deal with Janice being a champion and him being a champion at such a all. He's still raw very much so and he becomes a champion, then people are gonna let off on him and he does He's not gonna be held to that that that that standard up. He still needs to improve because now he has that ring, right And I say that and people listening because I hear, I hear, well, this guy he's a super Bowl champion. Okay,

but the brother can't make a free throw? Yeah and n but but it always comes back to I feel like there is a different standard for some of these younger players today than it was for the guys who came out like in the early two thousand's, like the Lebrons, like the Chris Paul's, who you know, maybe going to the finals, but those guys were ringer, not ring Maybe maybe they they up the up, but three one then

cat check. But you know what I'm saying, Like I have always felt like the uh, this last regime of superstars, the Lebrons, the Chris Paul's, the Carmelo Anthony's, it was do you got a ring or not? KD A little bit on on the fringe of that. He's got to your point like this this kind of next tier generation of your Westbrooks, your Hardens, Janice, like we they haven't

really come under that kind of fire at least. And this is a conversation with me and the fellows were just having like it's it's been a I don't want to say drop off, but it's a different type of criticism that they get someone to. I mean, I don't you know, not to make it football versus basketball. But it has been times when you look at it is what does he have a ring? Well? What else? Right? So I get what you're saying. So I just see Yannice as I say, ideal. I think it'll be cool

Milwaukee and who I got the Phoenix I want. I think that be the most that'd be the most balanced match. Here's what I am worried about though, with Kauai reading the reports, him and the injury, why don't they just rule him out? I don't get it, him and the injury and him becoming a free agent and knowing how he operates with injuries and he's coming back. Yeah, yeah,

I've wondered that. But it's it's it's you know, it's you know, some stuff at coming and we went through that before, all right, mill and I agree with that. So Milwaukee Phoenix, what's We'll see what happens. Man, it would be it would be nice balance to seven games. I don't I don't know if holiday can hang with. That's what I'm rooting for that. I'm rooting for my guy North Carolina, North Carolina born Chris Paul. I want him to get a ring. I wanted to get a ring.

So I got a cheer for North Carolina. So I'm I'm being I'm being non biased. I want the sun somewhere. So that's what. That's what. Who we got coming up on the Cut to It Podcast, We've got Dante Stalworth, a veteran NFL wide receiver and a native of Sacramento, California. He's turned into a journalist, contributing to The Humpington's Post, The New York Times, and CNN. Dante Starworth on the Cut to It Podcast first segment. It's called get Ice Up. Random.

Iceberger questions, we gotta get you loose. You know Smithy very well. You don't know what duration is gonna go in. Smithy, go ahead and give him the first one. All right, what sports do you enjoy watching other than football? Mm hmm, that's a good question. Um, Listen, I ran track in

high school, so I definitely enjoyed watching track. Um. I was terrible in high school at basketball, but I enjoyed watching Hey, no, I've watched I've watched Dante and he's very finesse, and he's extremely fast, and sometimes he could be out of control. Okay, so like a Westbrook almost no yeah. I tried to lay it up. What is something that always makes you laugh? Family Guy? The show Family Guy, the TV show Family Guy. I never seen the show? Is that like what the big fat dude

and a little kid with the big hit? Yeah? Yeah? What what? What? What's so funny about the show. It's it's so inappropriate that sometimes you just gotta laugh. You would enjoy it, actually, all right, you know it's kind of it's kind of like the yeah you should you should definitely put it in rotation. No, no, I put at the bottom of my list that I probably will never chance. It just doesn't seem like the show. But you know what, because my guy shut out, I'll I'll

check out an episode or two. I probably should give it two episodes because I'm already walking in there going I'm like, you know, yeah, you're You're not even gonna make it past the credits. He's just short change me. Let me you know, let me hand stand the time that that was germs. So what is your biggest pet peeve? I don't like being in wet clothes. Like I love to run run outside, but when it's raining, I just can't do it. Wet socks, wet clothes. I need to

have them off. There's something about wet clothes and I just don't like having on all. Right. Last one, um, family traditions. One of the best things for me, especially growing up as a kid, was always my mother cooking at Thanksgiving. We would have number of family members. We have big family. My my dad had eleven brothers and sisters, so you can just imagine how many cousins and relatives

we had just on my dad's side alone. So my mother would cook for everyone and uh, and she cooks really well, and so everyone would come over and it was just kind of our way, or at least her way of just you know, bringing the family together. And even family who were hanging out, you know, at their own homes or went to see other families, they were always welcome to come and get a plate. And there was always spades and dominoes, playing in basketball, uh, playing outside.

I never played basketball, but I was always ready to race anybody, um in the streets, you know, things like that. So we we had that. That family tradition was always something that that has always uh, you know, brought back good memories. How do you play Spade, Dante? You play Joka? Joker. Dudes. Yeah, that's that's yea proper way. All right, let's move on. Um, So who's your favorite who is your favorite team? Growing up? Football?

Basketball doesn't matter. The San Francisco forty Niners. Um. I was a freshman in high school and that was the year that um that we the year before when I say, well, am speaking of the Sampsons for Fort ninus in the eighties and nineties. So we had we had just lost to the Dallas Cowboys at home in Candlestick. Uh, Emma Smith ran all over as Michael Irvin, Alvin Harper had some big plays and j Novcheck obviously coming through in the clutch on third downs, and the defense was really good.

So the next year we we made some changes. We brought in Gary Plummer, We bought in Ken Norton from Dallas. We brought in uh the incompartable Dion Sanders, who didn't make it to the team until Week three against the Saint type of And at this time I can tell you the roster of every team I knew every coach had told you. So that was the tip man. That was a team Dallas, Dallas, San Francisco, Philly. Um, that's

when everything went through the NFC. Whoever NFC one, we're pretty much when within the championship, that's so who else uh the Packers with with Sterling, then you have Philly Um when they had Keith Buyers and left handed throwing the throwing a little tall suite tall suite pass have back passed and they had Charlie Garner right um, just all the different players man. So then that the NFC Championship always went through the NFC, right if you a

ANFC teams ever had had a chance. I still have every game on VHS, by the way, recorded every game that's with the current week, all of it, all of it. You know. Actually you know what I used to pause. I used to hit the I used to hit the pause button just to save um, to save tape on the end of that tape, because the tape would only if you recorded it on h SP, which was the highest quality at the take up a lot of tape, pick up three hours. So I would get one game

each VHS tape. And that was that was my allowance when I whenever I happened, I would save up for VHS tapes and posters are hanging my room. That was that was whatever I had, whatever I had spent my money on. Who's your favorite athlete? Growing up as a kid? Who any sport? My favor? Yeah, my soul, my favorite athlete. I was a big football fan. Football was like nine eight percent give the other two per cent was honestly

was probably history and science. I was. I was. I was a nerd as a kid, and I enjoyed, uh, learning about world history, learning about American history. Um, and a lot of the A lot of the things that I that I grew up and even today still are things that I kind of harkened back to my childhood with, you know which his history. I write about politics and the history of politics, the history of sports, things like that.

So it's it's all come kind of connected. But I would say probably my favorite athletes was I would have to say Dion. I was thinking between um, because my four favorite football players were we're really in no order. Um, probably between Dion, Dion, Jerry, Barry Sanders, and Bo Jackson were my four and those are my Those are my

guys right there. Yeah. I actually saw Jerry We can get to that later, but I actually saw Jerry Rice as a kid, and um, he called the police on me, but I stopped because I was talking about years old. We need we need that story. I'm like, oh, we can talk about that. No, he didn't, he didn't call the police on me. It was their training camp. It was their training camp that we were in Rockland, and I was with a high school teammate of mine who

lived north of Rockland. And I'm from Sacramento. So I was going, uh, you know, to his home and um in Grass Valley. Huh, You're going to Garry's home. No, I know, my my high school quarterback. I actually didn't know that when I was calling the police and then I was in the bush. So I'll give you the quicker version. So the quicker version is, as we're driving by Rockland, this is during the summer, and this is

right around the time when training campus it's starting. And so I knew everything about Jay Rice, who was one of my favorite players, one of my prob you know, one of my favorite athletes. So I knew that his wife's name was Jackie. I knew that, Um, you know, I just knew his family dynamic. Anything about jer Rice I had read about because I loved him so much as a kid and so as as we were stopping

to get gas. In front of us, there was a little convertibles like a blueish Mercedes with the license plate that said something like for you Jackie or Jackie. And I remember looking like, oh, that's Jay Rice's wife's name. And then I looked at the person in the car which I was behind, and I'm like, yo, that's Jerry and and my and my teammate was like, how can you tell us? Jerrys in back of his hand, like, Bro, I know that being head, that's Jerry Rice. Bro follow him.

So we followed him years old. That is my favorite criminal. Begin follow him right, follow I got it. I got his plate right right right right on a banker. But you weren't North South. As for me, it was my deductive reasoning that we were in Rockland, its training camp. It's a Mercedes Bens. Jackie's a license plate that's his wife's name. And I know Jerry. I know the back of Jerry Rice's head, the African American man. Hey, but I'm telling you, like, so we we didn't even get gas.

We followed Jerry right so I think you know, and we're in this beat up We're in this beat up pick up truck right, and he just sees two guys following him. So he's in his mind. You know, I'm not thinking this at a time. I'm fifteen years old, right, this is my idol. I'm going to like say hi to him. So oh yeah, I was, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah I was. I was all. I was all

about it. So we we pulled in. He pulled in, which, you know, there were a lot of cars, and I figured this was the you know, the the four niners, uh parking only forty niners only parking. But we followed him in and then so he drove around the parking lot inside, so we stopped right because they were like, okay, we're following. We're actually like following him following. Now, let's just pull over here and and wait till he gets

out of his car. So he parks up close, and as we see him park up close, we get out of the car to start walking towards me. Now we're probably about fifty yards away from the entrance where he's walking into. Jerry's out of his car and he's looking in our direction and he's pointing at us to security, and security is like looking at us as we're walking up, and so then the security starts walking towards us, and Jerry walks in the building and he's like, hey, you

guys can't be in here. And we were like, oh, we just wanted to say hi to Jerry. And he's like that, so that's fine, I understand it, but you're not allowed to be in here. And so we left and I wasn't like, oh, I just thought Jerry right, So I was like, oh my god, I just said, what's up to Jerry? Rights? That was my story. So I had met my I don't and and of course

I had like exaggerated the whole encounter. I didn't tell anyone that we stopped him partially, but um yeah, he like he was like, yo, he's probably like, Yo, these dudes right here have followed me from this light, and y'all need to make sure that you know they're not gonna run up in here and try to do whatever. So yeah, so he didn't necessarily call the police on

the ends. That was obviously hyperboly, but um no, he did what you know, any self aware of human being would have done when you had two people following you in the beat up pickup Trump, we have to take a break and the morning thing. We gotta pay some bill. You got checks. I love cut to It and I love it even more when you download us and subscribe, and you can follow us on social media too, Smithie, where where at that's at? Cut to It on Instagram?

What about Twitter? At? Cut to It? Facebook? Cut to It Fee? You're in Steve Smith Sr. What about online? And you can follow us at cut to It podcast dot com where you can buy merch and you can subscribe to us wherever you listen to podcasts. I got all my answers questions. Um, yeah, I got all my questions answered. That's what I'm here for, a brother, cut to a Podcast dot Com. We obviously know you grew

up in northern California, so that's a great transition. Uh So tell me where are you from in the place you call your hometown Ontown is Sacramento, California, North area. Um went to Grant High School and you know we were called the Grant High Pacers Blue and Gold, and we we have you know a number of players from my high school who have played in in our plane. Um, you know in in the NFL. Now Shaq Thompson obviously

from the Carolina Panthers. He's been holding it down and uh, you know, it's just it's just been great to see, you know, not not just from Sact, not just from California or I'm sorry, from my high school, but just from you know, Sacramento and in the Sacramento surrounding areas. A lot of a lot of professional athletes, a lot of a lot of NFL players are coming out of the area, and it's just it's been fun to sit back and watch these guys grow as as humans, as

people and as as NFL players. Growing up, growing up in Sacramento. Now you're older, living in d C. You travel New England, New Orleans, Baltimore, all these different places. Miami. Um, how would you say, with all that you've experienced and seen in your adulthood, how would you categorize Sacramento impacting uh the way you the way you see the world today and just how you are, uh based on all your experiences, uh seeing all those different places. I think, uh,

just being born and raised in Sacramento. Um, you know, my my mother did did a great job of of raising us. Uh. I have three other brothers and sisters, and you know, if my mother was very grounded and uh and in Christianity, and so she instilled a lot of that in us. And also Mama didn't play. She had the belt or statuela or whatever else was man to tie in that spirituality, that religious those religious teachings

with the belt. Um. And a lot of that comes from, uh, you know, just just my my upbringing being in Sacramento scene. Uh you know, being being in Sacramento, but also realizing that um that the that the world was a lot bigger than Sacramento. So I don't think that it, uh that it impacted me in a in any kind of

a negative sense. I think that, you know, growing up where you know, Sacramento, there, like any other inner city, there are gangs and drugs and violence, and uh my, you know, growing up growing up in Sacramento where I grew up in high school that I went to, that was not immune from any of those things. But you know, just the sense of community that we have in Sacramento, Um, the sense of brotherhood. I think a lot of that.

It all surrounded around my high school football team, and that more than anything, brought a lot of people together. So I understood at a young age how how important sports were bringing people together. And I think that that that stayed with me, you know, through all my travels, you know, uh in throughout the NFL and college post NFL politics. I think is as as divisive as we've become as a nation. Um. I think the one thing that people can can can all agree on is how

much football has has played an integral part. No, you know, no matter what your politics are, no matter what your political ideology or alliances are. I think when when people people get you know, football game, you know, it's all

about their team versus your team. And somehow I've I've you know, no one has mastered it, but you know, somehow you try to find a connection between you know, what we can do as as a nation to to to to build a better cohesive, egalitarian society where where people can get along, you know, with different political ideologies at a football game, but take that to the next step and where they can get along and uh and and try to try to progress together as as a

nation instead of being extremely divisive as we are. Where did your where did your thirst for knowledge come from? When you men and you're big in history, science education, Where did that thirst of knowledge come from? You know what I don't know, Man's it's just it's as long as I can remember, I was always UH as a kid, I used to read the encyclopedias that we had at home.

I would always in the libraries UH that we would have, and and we would go to like, you know, as a kid in the elementary school, I would always check out like the Greek mythology books, the ancient Ancient Egypt. I loved reading about hieroglyphics and just all these things about world history. And I honestly, I don't know where it came from, but I but I do know that my parents helped foster that by um, you know, giving me books, buying me a telescope before they brought me

in football. UM, all these things kind of kind of nurtured my curiosity. And UH, I think probably the biggest thing that that enabled me to understand how big the world was was that I was enamored with UM, with astronomy, with space, learning about the planets. So I knew that, you know, starting off as a kid, I knew that

the world was bigger than Sacramento, UM. And and and that I think I believe that directly came from my love of learning about the planets and learning about how how different planets operate and why they are, the colors they are, the size of they are, these different things. Uh intrigued me as a kid, and um, it just kind of my intellectual curiosity blossomed as a child, and it's you know, it's it's I think it's still there. It's something that you know, I always enjoyed learning about

more things, more history. There's there's so much that that's out there to be learned, and no one can know everything. So we're on a constant journey of learning no matter how old we get. Do you did you travel a lot when you were younger? Uh, in my mind, I did. I didn't. I didn't have the means too. But when I when I did have the means, I actually did him until probably a few years after I was in

the NFL. I didn't get my passport till until it really until I was forced to because when we were when I was playing for the Patriots in two thousand and seven, we were supposed to go to China to play a preseason game, and so we had to make sure that everyone had passports, and I did not. No, I did that my passport at that time. I just I'm sorry, I just got my passport. Um before free agency started. I'm sorry. So Um, and I didn't travel actually until that off season. I was the first time

that I had traveled. And I went to Spain. Actually and Reggie Bush went together. Um he was shooting the commercial with David Beckham, so he had to be up at six thirty in the morning every you know, every day for the first three or four days. And I was just out just out seeing you know, mad Yeah, you know what. I had some fun, you know, I was I had to word that was a key word, like he's not gonna lie, but he's not gonna incriminate the show. Again. This great discussion. Man, let's get right.

Let's let's jump right into your career. Because you were drafted in the first round. You went to Tennessee, and we're gonna get into that. Man, with the University of Tennessee, the volunteers and b you're on a I look at the roster or some of the players and you were or danged to just get the opportunity to play in the league because you're you were playing with some guys that just are remarkable. But we'll get to that later

overall pick to the New Orleans Saints. You play excellent, You had a great career, has some hard work, has some hard times, you know, But I really want to get into the thing that changed your life forever, right and and and um and the reason I say and why I want to jump into that because a lot of times when us after each when we make mistakes, so many people feel when whenever we say something, they only bring that up to almost shut us up, to tell us, well you did this show, shut the blank

up and the humanize you. And so I wanted you to take us through that because when I also know you know to to that's your mission and you it has impacted you, and you're very forthright with that information if you spoke to a number of teams, and so I want I want our audience to hear your story and what and what it what it? What it is done?

How how has it impacted both families? And you know and what you what you have to deal with just your part and now the family has to deal with they have to but what you have to deal with your part every single day. So uh, this was the off season in two thousand nine. I was coming off of um my worst year, UH career wise and football, I had been hurt. Um, you know, I had I had a couple of muscle injuries, and I just you know, speed is my game. So I wasn't able to utilize

my speed, which kind of rendered me useless for the season. Uh, and even in the games, the few games that I did playing. And I had just signed the seven year, thirty five million dollar deal with the Cleveland Browns, and there it was a ten million and guarantees. And you know, I think I end up catching like seventeen passes that year, and I was, I was just I was utterly useless in my in my own mind, and so I knew that I had to get back on track. I didn't

want to. I felt like I had let my teammates down. I felt like I had let myself down. And so I wanted to work my way back into the best shape that I had ever been in so I could come out and help my team win some games and and and play be the be the play there that they had paid me. The week and so the last, the last weekend before everyone was heading back to their respective teams to to start there. UH, their off season

program in two thousand nine. Uh, there was a lot of guys we would we would trained down in South Florida, specifically in Miami, and you know, we trained really hard that Friday. Fridays are always you know, the hard days, So we trained really hard than a couple of guys. Uh, you know, ended up leaving, leaving from the from the place where we work out. I went to go grab a bite to eat. Uh, then so I got a boy to even. I end up getting home about seven

thirty eight. I went upstairs. I was so tired from the day because I had, you know, expended so much energy on that Friday workout, and I knew that I had to get ready to go that Sunday to go to Cleveland to start the off season program. So I ended up falling to sleep, and I got a phone call about a order the two two o'clock from a teammate of mine asking me to come hang out with

him for his birthday. There was a lot of guys that was gonna be there, and uh so we were all gonna kind of meet up and you know, have one last drink before we all left to go to our respective team to work out. So I got there. Uh you know, I got up, showered, went to the club. I got there, I had a few drinks, um, and I was there for probably a few hours. And then so I got home about I don't remember what time it was, every five thirty thirty in the morning, and

I went to sleep. I got home, fell asleep, and I woke up around seven o'clock, close to seven, and I didn't have any food in my home. I can't cook or I couldn't cook at the time, so I didn't have any food. And the only place that I knew that was opened was a place on the beach called News Cafe, and I was in this time. I had just my my condo had just finished being built in Miami, so I was living right across the bridge, uh and downtown Miami, which is right across from the

American Airlines anywhere the Miami Heat played. So this only the only place that I knew that was open. Uh you know, it was still dark out, so I was just gonna go to this place, and I was texting other friends seeing if they were up to meet me there. No one was up, so UM, I ended up driving across the bridge and that was when I encountered um Mr yas running across the highway, and by the time I could really uh you know, react or anything, I

had hit him. And you know, there was there was so much uh misinformation that initially in initial reports, people were saying that I or the reporters were saying I was going eighty miles an hour, said that I ran onto a curb, ran a red light, which none of those things, uh we're true. But I just, you know, I didn't really care about that. I just wanted, initially wanted to know that that the man that I had just hit with my car was okay. And I didn't

I didn't get any notification from the police. They didn't tell me anything until I waved my Miranda rights and went down to the which any attorney will tell you never to do. But I didn't feel I was. I felt like I was not trying to hide anything. I wanted to help whatever they needed um and so I waved my Miranda rights, went down to the police station

and gave my statement. But you know, right before I gave my statement, the lead investigator of of of that case came out and told me that after I had asked him multiple times prior he came out and told me that that Mr. Yez didn't make it. And so you know, I I, as any normal human being would do. I broke down crime because I was like, not because of of you know, any trouble that I had thought that I was in. It was because you got some heavy information in which you were you were the driver,

and it was part of your participation, right right. And and that hit me, man, because you know, I was a kind of guy like I. You know, I pretty much got along with everyone. I had never been in a fight, you know, in my life, I didn't mess with anybody. Nobody really messed with me. So I was just you know, so I wasn't you know, I wasn't that kind of guy and uh, you know, to ever like even want to like even harm anyone in a physical fight or anything. So this that really hit me hard.

And um, you know, and and obviously I was concerned about I didn't know anything about Mr. Reys, but I I I obviously understood that, uh you know, as time went on, that he had a family that he was you know, I had a fifteen year old daughter and obviously you know had parents and uh and siblings, so uh, that was that was that was hard. It was, it was. It was a very difficult time for me, uh, you know, dealing with with and coming to terms with all of that.

But I think, uh, two weeks later, I gave my first statement publicly, and afterwards I was not allowed to communicate with the family directly. We were we had to communicate through the channels of my attorney with their attorney. And they wanted my attorney to know the family of Mr. Rez wanted my attorney to know that they appreciated how I handled everything, and I was I was pretty dumbfounded, uh that that they would be thanking me for the

way I handled everything. They they were uh uh complementary of of you know, me taking the initial steps. Unfortunately, in in these situations when when there's a when there's a driver, whether the driver has been under the influence or not, they tend to flee the scene. And that as as the any psychologists or even state Attorneys office will tell you, that is a natural reaction. It's fight or flights since and and and people and but you know that was not saying that I'm a good person

or any of this stuff. But you know that was never my intention and and my intention was for what happened to Mr reyas and tried to get you know, tried to call nine one one and get them out there as soon as possible. And so all of these things actually really played in my favor, not again not thinking about at the time, but all these things played into my favor. Um, you know at the end of the plea agreement. The fact that I stayed on the same the fact that I was the first one to

call nine one one after multiple or a dozen calls. Um, you know, I waved my miranda rights to go down to speak to the police. Um all these things had had a positive effect on on my situation at the end, and so UM you know, I just uh, I understood that there were no winners and in anything that any outcome that was gonna happen. You know, if I went to jail for ten years, or if I didn't go to the jail at all, there were no none of

that would would would give any retribution. It wouldn't bring Mr Reys back, and it wouldn't uh take my mind off to the fact every day that um, I played a role in someone losing their life. And so UM I knew at that moment that I had, I had to two decisions that I could make. I could fade into obscurity and never speak to anyone again and just go about my life and never talk about it again.

Or I could put myself on the front street and be allowed, you know, be susceptible and vulnerable to attacks. But when I when I started to think about the work that I could do, the work that I could help other people with, than all of the that became a shield for people that want to attack me, that just want me to to invalidate any other topics or any other conversation that I bring up. So you know, it was always it's it's always hard. It's hard to

talk about at any time. You know, it's been more than a decade and it's still just as fresh on my mind as it happened yesterday. But the thing again that I said that I that I use as a shield is to know that when when I'm speaking, specially when I go I've spoken at you know, multiple universities, UM to incoming freshmen, to UH two athletes, both men and women's sports. UM. I've done a promotional videos for the for the NHL, for the NFL obviously UM working

on doing some things with the NBA. So I've been I've been active in trying to uh, you know, raise awareness, not not necessarily for driving under the influence, but just for decision making in general. And and and how we you know, how how when we make decisions, you know, they can all culminate to a situation where there are

snowball effect happens. And now you know, you've made so many seemingly benign or minor decisions that culminated to a snowball effect where now it's out of your control and

you can't handle it. So my job, I feel, is to make people aware of those minor decisions that they're making, um and and try to stop them from even getting to that snowball so they could control, uh, you know, a majority of the things and not have any self inflicted wounds with with consistent decisions that they're making everyday, decisions that they're making that may not seem like bad decisions and in in uh you know, as you're making them,

but when you look back on things in hindsight, it's like, oh, you know, this could have been prevented if I wouldn't have done X, Y Z or ABC so UM, I've been able to uh you know, speak at at different companies, speak in front of uh kids, and and all of this I've taken to uh you know as just as me not falling into obscurity, me not crawling into a hole, you know, or moving somewhere out of the country and just living my life and not talking to anyone again.

And I feel like that would be cowardly of me. I feel like that would be um that that would be uh running away from my responsibility that I have to to continue to try to uh try to help people and give them, um an assessment of my journey and how I got there and how they can prevent going down a similar path. I think it's about that time. Just take a little breather. God, do it good, do it. Let's getting down to do it good. Hey Gerard, why

did you get that T shirt? Oh? Yes, I got it from cut to a podcast dot com where we have exclusive merchandise. Shout out to our guys at seven or four shot. But yeah, you can go on, buy you a T shirt, subscribe to us wherever you listen to podcasts. To go through all of that and to know the trauma that has happened, of course to other people, but then yourself have have you been able to take care of yourself from a mental health standpoint and be able to apply self care? You know what I was.

I was in a pretty bad place, as you know any anyone would be. I was in a pretty bad place initially. And I think my first steps to healing came when the family reached out. After two weeks I had to UM, I turned myself into the police and posted bail. But that's when I gave my first UM public statement and UM and shortly after that they thanked me, you know, for the way I handled things from you know, from the onset, which which honestly started my healing process.

Uh didn't happen that day or the next day, or

the next week or the next year. But I think the fact that the family UM was appreciative of, you know, how I handled things and UH and forgiving and they were instrumental, honestly, and and the plea agreement, UM, you know, and and the reason why people don't you know, they see a black and white situation where uh, you know, someone was under the influence and hits them with their car and that person died and they don't see you know why I didn't go to prison for ten years.

But you know, there there were a lot of things that I won't really relitigate, but you know, the family understood the facts of the case, and anyone who was involved understood the facts of the case. But the family was also instrumental. And a lot of people don't know this. I don't know if I've said this publicly or not, but the family didn't want me to do any jail time. They didn't want to. They didn't want to go to court.

They didn't want because basically, my defense would have had to have uh, you know, defending myself would have would have had to have put an out over over the entire case, over the circumstances of all of it, right, and and so no one wanted that. I didn't want that. The family didn't want that, and so they were instrumental and a lot of things. And again, they didn't want me to to serve any time in jail, honestly, so you didn't. You didn't serve any time, But you've also

I did thirty days. But you know, they basically sentenced me with the d u I, and you got a d U I thirty days in jail. But you also are never you're not allowed or ever to have a driver's license. Correct, Yeah, I cannot m my My driver's license in Florida is suspended for life. Um. I guess I can apply for a license elsewhere. I live in Washington, d C. I've been there for almost seven years. But you know, driving again as never, um, being something that's

on my mind. And I'm lucky you to live in a city where, um, you know, the uh, it's pretty easy to get around. There's a lot of people that walk around and he was he was in Baltimore doing the internship when I was there. Ain't drive there, you yeah,

you know, it's and I learned that about them. You know, just you know, a lot of people just see one thing and they oh, you know, but there's things that you've been been experienced almost ten plus years now that are that's literally every day of his life that he you know, obviously the family has test to deal with that as well, but it you know, I guess one of the questions I've always wanted to ask you. I know, I've been in car accidents when I was a young kid.

There's times where when I go to sleep or I close my eyes, I can see mental images of things. Have you experienced that? Yeah, um, yeah, And honestly, it's one of the reasons why I don't why why I don't necessarily care at least at this point to like drive again. Um, and uh, you know, and and it's something that uh, you know, I had to Luckily, I was very reluctant, but the NFL essentrally uh forced me to, uh to see a therapist, you know, shortly after it happened.

And um, you know, just as an NFL player, you know, our whole mentality is to throw it right and and to not let your opponentsmentalize see your weaknesses, right, mental physical weaknesses. Don't let them see you tired. Right when we're training and we're doing these sprints, No no bending over, no no bill in your hands on any of these

stand up, you know what I mean. All these types of things that are ingrained in you as a player, and it's not necessarily easy to switch those things off, uh, you know, in in in real life and actual life

outside of the football game. So, um, there were a lot of things in those therapy sessions, man, that I that I learned about myself that um, I didn't know I was uh that that were kind of like like hidden beneath the surface, and um, you know, with without without those therapy sessions, I I don't know, you know

where I would be right now. So I'm actually glad that the NFL did that, and it also enabled me to to realize, like you know, and I studied psychology to school, you think I would understand this, but I think the football aspect of my life kind of took

that over. But you know, you when you speak, when you're speaking to a therapist, there's just this this uh societal norm that it's just it's shun upon and you know, we we everyone needs someone to talk to, whether we talk to our significant other, we talked to our family members, are best friends where we all speak to someone and and in times of need and times of advice, we

need someone. But you know, what are some of the things, if you don't mind sharing, that you discovered through the through therapy, that were beneath those the root of some of the things that you may not even you didn't even know we're there. Um, I think there was a lot of a lot of built up anger that I didn't realize was there anger at um at me putting myself in that situation, Anger at people who didn't uh you know, know the situation but just kind of saw you know, the X y Z and they came to

their own determination. Uh, not at all. Anger at Mr. Ray is just anger that I put myself in that position, and anger at a lot of the fallout of the fallout of what what transpired after. Yeah. Yeah, And because I I hadn't realized it, but I had hit it really well, because again it was just you know, I needed to stay focused on my task at hand. Uh. And and the anger just was kind of pushed off

to the side. And um oh no, no, after after you went all through this, go through a trial, during this process, where would the Cleveland Browns um, well, they had just brought in a new head coach and and and honestly, there there were a couple of people behind the scenes that were that we're reaching out, uh you know, checking on me and asking if I could Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was very appreciative. And honestly, I'll be real, man, I know a lot of a lot of he gets

a bad rap and some of the things. You know, obviously I don't agree with that some of the decisions that he's made, especially you know, earlier on as his tenure as commissioner. But Roger Goodale was very instrumental as well, which surprised me. I didn't know him at all, and you know, and I'm like, you know, this is like my first time meeting him in this situation, and why you're in trouble, I don't think can go go over

very well? Right right? And um, and I had I had an opportunity um to speak to him one on one. He invited me in his office and one of the things he told me it was just he and I. One of the things he told me was, you know, before you walk in this office, you're not walking in here as an NFL player and I'm not the commissioner. You're walking in here as a man, and you're walking into my office and I'm a man, and we're going to have a man and man conversation. So basically, he

was like, take off of your football hat. It says nothing to do with football, has nothing to do with business. We're just talking man to man. And he shared some things with me. I was like, why is he telling

me all these personal things? But uh, you know, at the end of it, I realized that uh, you know, even through everything he um and people he had spoken with and uh, you know, other owners that I had played for other teams, Um, he understood, you know from what he told me and what he'd heard from them, was that, you know, he's not a bad guy at all. He's just he's a good guy that just made a

horrible decision and the outcome was very bad. Uh, you know, the the outcome was uh something that was irreparable, right, And so, uh we talked a lot about about, you know, moving forward and what I what what I saw in myself, what I saw that I could do moving forward, not just to help myself, but to help society as a whole and obviously help other people in the NFL. And that was the conversation, and that was the conversation before

he suspended me. He even asked me like, uh, you know, what do you think he's like if you were in my shoes. At the end of the conversation, he said, uh, if you were in my shoes, what would you do? And I said, I would probably be suspended for at least the season, And that's what he did. I'm not saying he took my word for it, but you know that that's that's what he did. And we had a great conversation. I still talked to him till this day.

I can, I can text him, or maybe before COVID, I could text him and say, Hey, I'm in New York. You know, are you free tomorrow around this time, and he'd say, yeah, I'll make time come through, and he would make time for me. We'd speak for an hour or two, talk about the state of the NFL society, and and I felt like I really had his ear.

And even throughout, you know, the whole thing with the protests, I talked to him a number of times and you know, and and told him some things that I thought that was not you know, that was not okay with what the NFL was doing, and things that he wanted to do moving forward. And I appreciate him, you know, for he was there. He was he was there for me and and checking on me regularly. And he didn't have to.

You know, I was suspended. I was out of the league essentially, and you know, he had no reason to. He had every reason to kind of wipe his hands with me, and uh and no reason to continue to continue our communication and continue to talk to me, but he did, and so I will always be grateful for him for that. And uh, you know he was. He was one of the people who were very instrumental, um, you know, and help me get back into the league and talking me, talking to me throughout that whole process,

even when I was suspended. Appreciate your time. I appreciate you taking the time to to really tell your story, you know, to tell you why and what you've experienced, what you're going through, how you've ever overcoming man and we don't take that information and and the message and your transparency lightly. So thank you, brother, appreciation anytime. Thanks having me. You are a unique person. You are well worth it. You are competent and most of all, your lovable.

I'm Steve Smith Singer. I'm Gerard Little John and this is cut to It. Cut to It with Steve Smith singor That Is Me is a production of Cut to It LLC, Baltol Creative Media, The Black Effect and I Heart Radio. For more podcast from I Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio Apple Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows from Cut to It. Executive producer Steve Smith, singer co host Gerard little John. Talent in booking manager is Joe Fusci. Social media team Wesley

Robinson and John Show from Balto Creative Media. Cut To It is produced by Brian Balta Chevic and Meredith Carter, with production assistance by Alex Lebrec Production coordinator Taylor Robinson. Theme music by Alex Johnson, lyrics and vocals by Anthony Hamilton. You ain't heard about it, then we're about to let you know. It's all