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Hi, and welcome back to another episode of Deplorable Nation. I'm your host, Deplorable Janna, and today we have part five of our holistic mental health series and I'm super excited and stoked to get into this conversation today because ladies and gentlemen, this is going to be a banger. It is about triggers and communication strategies. So, without further ado, welcome back mister John Linhart.
How are you wonderful? Tanna? How are you doing fantastic?
Okay, So you gotta tell me first, because last time we spoke, you were going on your on your trip and you were going to be a doing a show as well while you were gone.
So how did that go?
The show got canceled?
Oh that's awful.
Yeah, So It was a fairly big podcast, all like half a million subscribers, and they canceled it it the last minute, literally within a week of when we had to go. I was gonna have to fly to New York City and that was all canceled. So it's really it's really thrown me. I was really ready for this. I was. I went through all the stages of getting ready for it and felt like I was. I knew what I was gonna say and was going to just
have a great time. When he got canceled, I just had to say, Okay, either this wasn't gonna go like I thought, or maybe it's just too soon to let people know about this, and there's a certain timing to all.
This, So you know what I love. I love that you said that, though, because God has such a divine purpose right and guys for everything. And there are times where I was super excited about doing a show with somebody and that it didn't happen, and then I got the feeling that God was like, Nope, this is not like the right person, this is not the right show, this is not you know, whatever it is. I kept getting that little nudge like, don't worry about this.
Because this is not where you're meant to be.
So I love that that sorry that that happened, but at the same time, that might have been a good thing because you never know, especially if you were flying to go to New York, like, what could have transpired during that time. So I'm always thankful for the smallest things that he does to provide, you know, our safety
and our peace of mind at all times. So let us jump in to triggers and communication because we were taught talking a little bit before the show, and trigger is the buzzword of today right in the.
World that we live in.
But uh, triggers are so important for relationships, friendships, addiction type issues, all of that stuff centered around triggers. So let's jump in, my dear right.
So, the key to understanding triggers is to understand a part of the brain called the amygdala. And there's two of them, so they're known as the migdala and there are two almond shaped structures. And if you're a Star Wars fan.
Darth Vaders, depends how much Star Wars you're right.
So the in the episodes one, two, three, Darth Vader's mom was, uh, I'm sorry, Darth Vader's wife was Princess Amidala, so that is really Princess Amgala. So so the Amigdala is where we get that fight, flight or freeze. So what happens is or flop.
That's a new one.
Flop m HM had heard that.
Yeah, it's like where you're you're absolutely stuck in a state of like distress and your your body cannot get out of whatever.
That's where a lot of.
Like sleep paralysis and things like that come through the flop state because your body is so like excitative with the chemicals and the orphans and things that are released, and it's also trying to release the reverse chemicals to stop things, but your body doesn't know what to do and it stays in that state of panic.
Okay, yeah, that's a very okay, that makes sense. It's a very extreme version. When I went into the schools and taught this to the teachers, I used to talk about freeze and freeze isn't a response. It's actually the Amignola telling the person fight and take off, and you can't do both, so you freeze. And the reason that's important is I tell the teachers when the kid freezes, don't relax because one of those is going to win out.
So you know, they freeze, you turn around, and all of a sudden, the flight goes away, and then they throw a chair at you, and you're like, what just happened? Well, you turn your back when they kid and freeze, or you turn your back and the fight goes away and they're gone. You turn around to go where did they go? Right, and they took off. So just to realize that what's happening is when you experience something for the first time, your brain basically and it's traumatic. So we're back to trauma.
If you experienced something for the first time, it's traumatic, your brain takes everything that was associated with that moment and files it away with this trauma experience and with a response, a fight or a flight response.
So it's like a snapshot that's saved in a rolodex.
Right for well for later, youse. And that's the issue. This is the issue because I think this is a lot more important. You know, you're a holistic health person, so this is this what we're talking about right now is I think really important for why we see so much ADHD and so much problems with these kids in school that we didn't see twenty thirty forty years ago.
Because if you think about it, the key is to make sure a person's first experience with something is pleasant, because if it's not, every time they experience that thing, they relive the unpleasant experience. So, if you've ever seen a modern family, Bill Dumphy's got the sphere of clowns. And when he explains it, he does one of these one shots and he says, I don't know why I'm afraid of clowns. My mom said, I found a dead clown in the forest when I was a little kid,
but I don't remember that. It's like his first experience with a clown, it was dead, traumatize him so much he doesn't even consciously remember it. But every time he sees the clown, his memory pulls up the first experience and he feels it.
I have that exact same experience, although not with clowns, minus with snakes, but I do remember the first experience with it when I was growing up. I was probably about six years old, and my parents had these friends who lived on a lake, and so we went out to visit him, and you know, we're playing around in the grass and stuff and I was like, oh, I have to go to the bathroom, and they're like, we have an outhouse over here. Didn't want us because we'd
been swimming in the lake and stuff. Didn't want us to go in the house wet. And so I was walking through the grass to get to the outhouse and there were literally snakes because it's sunny right and on a water bank, and so there were snakes in the grass all over. And I get into the outhouse, which kind of reminded me of like a camp outhouse. I had showers and all of that stuff in it too, and there were snakes in the outhouse. I was absolutely mortified, terrified,
screaming from my parents to come and get me. And the response was, you got yourself there, you get yourself back. And so to this day, I have a very unhealthy fear of snakes. But I'm getting better, by the grace of God, because we live out in the country.
And so.
The last summer, now it was the summer before. I love to sit outside, and I'm sitting outside and enjoying, you know, looking at the deer and stuff, and I hear this noise and I look down and there is a snake. Shoot you under my chair, and you know what that brought up with all of those chemical responses, and I froze and I'm like, oh my god, and my body's like, you're gonna die, absolutely going to die
because there's snakes here. It got stuck, its head got stuck under our garden hose, and it was like flopping around because we were running the hose to the pool and it was flopping around. And I kept hearing, God, go, you need to let that snake go, You need to let that snake go.
And I'm like, nope, no, I don't not getting near it.
And I kept hearing that repeatedly, over and over and over. And I went over and I picked up the hose and let that snake go, and of course it shivers up and down my spine. But since then, like my fear of snakes has lessened greatly, not completely gone yet.
I'm still a work in progress.
But that is because my body registered that trauma when I was a young kid and filed that away to always feel like that is a dangerous thing.
So the way I describe the amigalai are it's like a person sitting in a room with no doors in the windows and They have a computer and they get fed information from the unconscious and the conscious. So everything when you walk around, your unconscious is seeing everything and sending information to the amigalai, and it's like the imigali
is doing a search. So if the amigalai gets sent you know it's April, it's warm, there's tall grass, you know, there's there's these things going on, it takes all those things, feeds it in and it says, have we ever experienced anything that I say is an exclamation point? Right? And if it's no, it takes four of those five, three
of those five, two of those five. It charches everything because it's looking through your experience if you've ever seen something that you need to run or fight about, and if nothing comes up, then it's fine. But if something comes up in your memory, it doesn't know reality. It just knows we've seen this before, and it starts kicking in adrenaline that starts doing all these things. One of the stories I tell is is this woman who worked at a at one of these schools where they're you know,
like a detention center type of thing. She's a fairly tall woman, blonde. She walks into the classroom and she's in charge first day and this kid from the back road just starts jumping over the tables, try to come and grab her strangler and they grab them and everything. Well, that kid's mom is a fairly tall, blonde woman who's very in control. So his brain went blonde woman, tall, in control, she's hurty, I need to hurt her. Doesn't know that that's not his mom doesn't matter. It matches
these things. So when you think about it, it's like what we ought to do is the first time anybody experiences something, we ought to make it as pleasant as possible. So how many parents today are taking the time with their zero to four year old and making sure every new first experience is positive?
Right? They don't.
And that's you know when you and I were babies, that's what our parents did for us. You know, they walked through and they talk gentle and everything. I see this all the time with kids and I'm like, you know, this balloon falls down and this kid and it scares them, first time you've ever seen a balloon and the parents are laughing, and I'm like, kid's going to be afraid every time a balloon shows up. It's going to be afraid. So that's a lot of what we got going on.
Because I like to talk about micro triggers. So as much as everybody knows about the triggers, you and I are talking about when you're having a conversation with somebody and during the conversation it's like that went away for two sentences and you go, did you not hear me say? They didn't hear certain parts of what you said. It's because there's certain things that trigger people for ten seconds, fifteen seconds, and then they come back they literally don't
mean that. Because what a trigger does is is your Miggalie is sending more information to your brain than it can handle, and it's sending that's electrically and it's sending chemicals that slowed down your brain. So this guy is trying to google a lot of stuff and you know, he's sending a lot of information to brain. He's googling sending it. So what's happening is is the brain's trying to process a lot, but it's slowed down and the Amiga I take it over. And that's what's really going on.
A trigger is the person doesn't have access to their conscious brain and now they're running unconscious and if it's a fight or flight, you can't reach him. If you talked, you actually make the trigger worse.
Yeah, And that is so.
Like common in today's society because you know when when you have these traumatic experiences and they get filed away, you know, in that in that little rolodex, little things like I have a good friend that was in a car accident and so out of the blue sometimes from nowhere, like uh, standing at a crosswalk will freak her out, being in a parking lot will freak her out.
And that is so.
Typical of today's society and the people especially that suffer from anxiety, because anxiety always has a trigger too, and it's a trigger response from something that we have stored away in the past that has happened to us that we either consciously suppress or unconsciously or subconsciously don't remember.
But it will cause these emotions to come up and like people feeling like they're going to have a heart attack or something, and that's because of that fighter flight response where they get stuck.
So before we get to the more subtle version, you know, like you're talking about diction and stuff. Me, let me just kind of finish this trigger thing off because the thing is is it's also things associated. So she's not having a car crash, but she associates the crosswalk right with the car crash. In this book, the boyo has raised the dog and it's up here over here on my book, on my bookcase. Here he talks about this
kid triggering when they brought her a glass of milk. Well, her mom got her throat slashed by her her husband, the kid's father, and when the kid found her mom, she was trying to drink milk and it was coming out her throat. So milk is going to cause it. So when you're so this called trauma informed care, you're you're real familiar with this. But the idea is, this is when you deal with someone, do you know the trauma triggers this person uniquely.
Has right And everybody's very different.
Everybody's completely different, and they can be things like milk or a.
Crosswalk, sites sounds.
Smells, yes, a lot of people have smell triggers, and it is like unusual stuff, but it can be something as simple as there was a candle burning, you know, when when somebody broke into your house or something like that. And so that's why to me, Like the modern day therapy system that we have set up, it's not equipped to deal with patients on that level because they're not
looking for these small triggers. They're not looking for the sites, the sounds, the smells, you know, and anything visually that was going on around the scene. It could have been you know, literally a person that they register as being part of this bad experience or this trauma experience, like a visual person that they saw. And so any time they see a person that's relatably close to that memory, that triggers that response.
Right. So the danger with a trigger like this is that you temporarily lose control. You don't have control of your conscious brain. Right. The example, the best things example that I have to explain this is have you ever seen a Christmas Story with Ralphie? Oh?
Yeah, I love Ralphie's.
Watching Alfie's great. When Ralphie's walking home from school, he gets hit by a snowball and we're going to talk about communication. The bully taunts him with communication triggers him and he describes it a fuse blue and I went out of my skull right ninety seconds he's out. It's a trigger? Is this I say zero to one hundred, you're normal. Then all of a sudden, you're one hundred percent upset. You don't get any more or any less upset. Ralphie's hitting him, and he never hit some harder or
less hard. And about sixty seconds, if you watch that whole scene, at sixty seconds, he says, I suddenly became conscious of a steady torrent of swear words coming out of my mouth. So what's happening is is the brain is flooded with all this adrenaline. You are out of your skull. You're watching yourself do it because you're not in control. Around sixty seconds, you start absorbing the adrenaline and you start becoming conscious, and he starts becoming conscious,
but he's still going. And then when his mom pulls him off, just say Ralphie, Ralphie the second time, and now he becomes conscious and then he cries, which is proof he's in his conscious brain. So that whole thing is accurate. It's about sixty seconds until he starts becoming conscious,
and it's about ninety seconds when he's back. So what I say to teachers, and I would say this that anybody you know at home and everything when somebody's triggering, what the teachers will do is they'll start a stop watch. They'll make sure that the person triggering can't hurt themselves or other kids and other people, and they'll make sure
everybody else gets away. And I actually have the teachers rehearse this where the kids learn, don't talk to them person, move away in the room, and don't interact if somebody says something to the kid, start to watch over because it's going to be ninety seconds from each triggering moment. So what happens is you can't stay triggered for more than ninety seconds unless you get this outside. So some of these people try to get you to say something
because they're high on the adrenaline. They want to stay triggered, and you just everybody just waits ninety seconds and then you can start talking. But if you interact with them before that ninety seconds, you might as well start it over again. So because everybody's like, when you start to trigger, think of this thing that you're not thinking, right. So that's so you can't when I say to people, when you see someone triggering, it's a loss. Just count it
as a loss. Anything you try to do is going to make it a worse loss, right, Keep everybody's safe. Take the loss. You fit triggers when you're feeling well, you do not.
Extrigger fix them when you're in it, and that you.
Love psychology advice out there saying try to stop it in the moment, try to fix it in the moment.
Yeah, you should never do that because think about like domestic abuse incidents. Right, So, say the woman has been abused, assaulted whatever before in her past, so she has those triggers you know that are that are filed away, and her spouse significant others says something that triggers her.
She's in that.
You know, emotional state, like all these things are flying around, chemicals and things like that.
And then he's like.
Why don't you want to talk to me? How come you're not talking to me? Every time you you just shut down, you don't speak, And and so he is making it worse because he's attacking her, and maybe she's not ever been vulnerable enough to share like why certain situations or certain things that are said, or certain actions that he does sets off that emotional response or that emotional trigger for her. So instead of having that communication you know where they where they know what's going on.
He's thinking that she's like just not wanting to discuss things, and that's all you do is shut down. And so he's making it worse because he's compounding the assault that she has stored in her brain. So he is also assaulting her at the same time, which exponentially makes things worse because when she snaps out of it, he probably better run.
Right. Well, if she doesn't snap out of it, the thing is is that she could trigger.
And hurt him right absolutely, then.
Get his get her brain back, and then go what happened to him?
Right?
And someone says you you you know, threw a knife at him? She could say, I don't remember that. I got in trouble with a with a couple of female teachers who help abused women. When I taught this, I said, there are guys that trigger do something and then they don't know they didn't know. Every guy knows he did it.
I'm like, yeah, that's not true because.
Right, because like we talked about on the last show, you know that the brain is like a chain link fence, and when a piece of that fence is cut or broken or damaged, the synapses don't fire, and so it doesn't go down the word line like it's supposed to.
And so when you're having one of these episodes, you know, your brain is not processing any of the five senses, so it has no idea what is going on because it's so flooded with chemical reactions and responses that your synapses can't handle all of those reactions and responses, and so they don't remember. And that's why people that have experienced a lot of trauma damage emotionally in their life, they have like disassociative episodes. They lose track of space
and time. There's whole chunks of things missing, and it is just because of what you just talked about where they black out, They block out that area and they don't remember anything that has gone on in.
That like the physiologically can't. So the story you told I actually helped the couple. They were both on their second marriage, and just like you said, the woman triggered over something that guy did, and after the fact we kind of went through it. And what happened is is he asked a question, she didn't answer, he asked it again, and she triggered because her first husband used to found her.
Hmm, that sounds familiar, but mine did the same thing, and he would follow me around the house.
So now you feel unsafe. Same thing for her, same thing for her. Yep, And so what we agreed on, So now he understood again he was getting charged with a crime he didn't commit. First of all, it was her first husband, but two times in a row. So what happened is is he learned. She said, if you could ask the question differently the second time, and that's what he did. He'd ask a question and he said, if you you know, can you answer it, then make sure you answer it the second time. So I'll keep
doing this. So I call it the double adjustment. I do that a lot for couples. Is the answer is to go back over the situation, walk through it with communication, like we're gonna talk about and then what's the double adjustment? Both make an adjustment. So he would ask something she would wouldn't answer. He changed it. She recognized that he had changed it, meaning, oh, you you did that for me. You do love me, and I know I'm going to answer it. And when she did that, he felt love.
So it's funny you make that double adjustment people. Well, I don't know if I want to do that, that something's awkward, but in reality, when they both make that adjustment, they both feel the commitment for the other reason and actually they're their marriage gets better because of the adjustment you repair. But yeah, I say, the sort the story you just said, exactly the same thing she was rapping about, but not because of him, but because of her first husband.
And that look, that happens literally all the time in the in the therapy world, right, and when you're trying to talk to patients. And it's not just like verbal things that we say, it's our actions. It's it's how we respond to stuff that reminds people of a previous spouse or relationship, family member, whatever, whatever. This is exactly what my mom used to say. This is exactly what you know my boyfriend used to say, or how he
used to act or whatever. Same responses different people. But like we've talked about before, your subconscious doesn't recognize, right, it does difference between this person and standing in front of me now is not the same person that I had this incident within the past.
And that's why.
That's why I always say, people bring baggage to a new relationship right until they unpack that and unload that and and leave that in the past, or get rid of it, throw it away, whatever you need to do, because people will carry those things with them and those traumas and those responses, those emotional things because we hold those at a cellular level, and so holding too much, first of all, will make us very unhealthy mentally and physically.
And it's it's like.
I like to compare it to like plumbing, like pipe the black gunk that gets in your pipes. That's the way our body gets our brain and our cellular tissues get mucked down and gunked up with that black stuff because it's all the things that we were carrying along with us, and nobody has cleaned those pipes out to give us like that smooth flow of the information that we need.
Right, So the issue is, like you said, it's it's unconscious, and all of psychology is really trying to solve everything consciously. So they would say, don't feel bad or don't do this. The problem is is you can't fix an uncomp can't think yeah consciously, you can't just stop that. So let's go back to your snake situation. So rather than hey, don't feel bad about the snake, or stop stop doing this. How did you lessen the emotion?
It was literally not until I felt like God was pushing me to go and like interact with that snake, right, to let it go, to have grace and mercy for the snake.
Right. Think about that. What you're showing you're unconscious is is I'm not afraid of this thing. I actually am being to it.
Well, And I will tell you because it was a non venomous snake that was stuck, and that since we live in the country, we have literally all kinds of snakes. And so the very next week, I kid you not, there was a baby rattlesnake in our driveway. And instead of yes, we have rattlesnakes down here, several different kinds of rattlesnakes. So instead of like doing my normal like freak.
Out, I'm going in the house. Heck, no, I don't want to deal with the snake. Nope.
I actually went over in the driveway close enough.
The way I could see it.
I wasn't I'm not that stupid, because baby rattlesnakes are dangerous. But I was literally with my phone like trying to like take a video of it. And I'm like it's actually really kind of cool, like whatever, now, what had
that have ever happened previously? No, And I'm old and it's taken me my entire life to move past that what a lot of people would call irrational fear, But for me, I didn't register that as irrational, you know, because the emotion attached to that for me was fear of my safety, fear for my well being, and then lack of love and empathy from my parents when they're like, oh, you just go, you got yourself there, You just get
yourself on back, you know what I mean. And so all of those things I had to work through and process to be like, you know what, I'm safe, and so rebranding that into I'm safe. I don't fear for my life. I'm not in the same situation with the people of my past. This situation is different, you know, and and all of the things. So I had to reroute basically the emotions that were attached to that snapshot from.
The past and.
Redo those with a with a positive thing to be able to reshape that.
And that all begin with actions, though it didn't begin consciously, and then after the fact you could do that. So this is a great transition. I think because you basically said, people call this an irrational fear and I don't believe it is. Well, here's the reality. Is the reason why they're calling it an irrational fear.
Because they're not failing it.
Well, because if it's a rational fear, you could rationally go I'm going to stop being afraid, but I can't. Okay, So isn't that like addiction? Right?
Absolutely, one hundred percent.
That's the issue with addiction. It's like we look at addiction and go, well, just stop it. You do you want to be an addict? No, I don't, Well, then just stop it, right, But they can't.
Right, But they can't.
And and even you know, it doesn't matter what kind of addiction. It could be something as simple as you know, cigarettes or whatever. There's some kind of emotion that's attached to that that's causing that subconscious control of of their behaviors, their thoughts, the whole. And so even though like people from the outside can't see that this is this is a a not an irrational thing for me, you know,
it was a terrifying, horrifying experience. Other people can't see that because they can't they can't understand what emotion is attached to that situation.
Specifically, But everybody has that situation. They don't have it with snakes, but they's you know, driving a motorcycle or something, right, And it's like, so that's where I try to help people connect it. And so addiction isn't a conscious choice to be addicted to this thing, right, And that's where everybody, if we really understand how our brains work, addiction is a habit, right, and the habit is formed in response
to something. So the cause is this thing. We're forming this habit response to you, because you could form any sort of habit drinking, drugs, sex, whatever in response to this. So everybody wants to look at the oh you have this bad habit, you're you're a dirty person, You're a horrible person. That's just the variety of the flavor. The issue is what are you coping with? What are you dealing with? Right?
Or what are you what are you not dealing with?
Are you not dealing.
And that's and that's the thing because it's always something like we talked about before the show, that that is buried and a lot of people suppress a lot of that, like what is it okay? It's a family issue. But let's go deeper in the family issue, Like, you know, how did they make you feel? How was your life growing up? Like was their affection in the home? Did they say things like why can't you be like your brother and sister?
You know?
What was it about family that caused that deep rooted issue, especially if it's like a sibling rivalry type thing, favoritism by the parents.
They have.
Attachment issues, right, and so somebody with an addictive type personality, what did they do? They then attached to alcohol because they haven't mended that need for affection from the past.
Right. So we talked about this in a previous episode that it's not nurture, it's not nature, right, it's nurture by nature. So everything you just said is important to ask and to know the person's uniqueness, right, uniqueness that when you start sibling rivalry, they become the number one person in the world, right, you know, fetness Trina Williams. Right, And then there's a certain type of uniqueness where you
do the civil verything and they shrink. So when all those questions you ask are important and knowing the person's uniqueness, because then when you put that together you go, Okay, here's what they're coping with, right, and now we get a better understanding of the real issue. The part of it that I think is interesting is when people say, well, there's alcoholism in my family, Like it's a disease, which means you could take a pill for it.
It's a learned it's a learned behavior and a learned emotional response or aka emotional trigger because they see that family member drinking. That's their way of coping with stress or you know, like hard job or whatever. So I'm going to develop that same behavior and take that in as something for me, and a lot of people use that as a safety or protection mechanism.
Right, Right, So some people's uniqueness goes, well, I'm never gonna drink because my dad drinks, So there is that response to me on but what you're saying is exactly. I think that's one of the most important things to realize is when people talk about a generational curse, right, and they get real spiritual. Then they ask me about it, I go thought process. Everybody does everything through a thought process.
We learn how to think from our parents, whether we like it or not, correct and so that's what we pass on down to our kids. Is when you're really young and you're watching your parents and you watch how they cope with things, that's put in your unconsciousness like, well, this is my answer if things. If I get stressed, I can always pull myself a drink. When I get older,
I can always do that. So we're passing on this thought process and that becomes could be a blessing or could be a curse that's going on.
You want to know because you know, I don't mind sharing about stuff, and so I drop little nuggets here and there. But when I was growing up, Uh, my parents did not like each other at all, and so my dad was very like controlling, militaristic type whatever. My mom's coping mechanism when my dad would say something would be to stand behind him and flip him off or say the F word. And that shaped like I'm going through all this bullying stuff. I'm trying to grow up.
And then I turned into basically a buttle because that's what I'm learning at home is flipping off your parent behind their back and whatever. And so all of those things were shaping my behavior when I was growing up, and like couldn't understand you know what actual love was because I'm seeing like the kind of love my parents have, the kind of love that they had for us as kids, and so my brain can't equate all of these things.
It took me a long long time to be like, you know what, like, I don't want my daughter growing up like this.
I want things to be different. I'm gonna break this. I'm gonna show her different, I'm gonna teach her different. I'm gonna be different because this is not the way to respond to people. This is not whatever. And so each situation that you and counter, especially if you've encountered it the same thing or the same type of situation before, it's all about how you train your brain to reprocess that to respond in a different manner, because why beat
your head against the wall every single time? Why not try something different that doesn't involve that. And that's the only way that we can grow as a person and also spiritually, is when we realize.
What's going on and change that.
Well, if you're self aware, I think if you were sure.
It took me a long time to be self aware.
I used to say this ends with me, This ends. I'm not going to put my kids through what I got put through. My parents got through. You know this ends with me, and it sounds like you did the same thing. Now, notice that was an addiction or a habit, but you learned from your mom. Is a addiction or a habit. So one of the things I help people get over their addictions because I understand how the brain works. I understand how we form habits. Our brain is made
to be addicted to things. That is the way the way our brain is made. You tie your shoes, you tie your shoes. You tie your shoes. You don't have to think about tying your shoes. Your brain is made to be addicted to Here's how I tie my shoes. Somebody tries to teach you a different way to tie your shoes, you want to die.
It's muscle memory, right, We build up muscle memory and then we're like, I really don't know any other way to tie my shoes.
So, if you think about it, one of the things I say to people, even if you don't think you have any addictions, everybody, because we're talking about uniqueness, everybody has a unique way that they build a habit. Everybody has a unique way that they get rid of a habit. And you can't do it, don't. So all all addiction breaking is habit replacement, right, can't just stop smoking? You have to form a new habit. Do you know how
you form new habits? And so even at you know, I'm I'm sixty two, I'm still trying, Like every year, I'm trying to form a new habit in some area of my life. I stink it's a benefit, but it
might not seem like a benefit to other people. You know, like I'm not really getting rid of like smoking anything, but I'm trying to constantly practice and keep my brain, you know, more plastic on how I learn how to change my habits because if I run into something that is really important to get rid of, I want to know this is how I change out my habit. So I try to help people learn their unique process for how they exchange out a habit. And that again gets
back to their experience. You know, their nurture and then who they are nature wise, and that's key, and that gets the communication. Because your brain is made of words. It's your brain's then, right, and those are all words. So how you communicate actually is going to hinder a person's ability to break an addiction or help them depending on how.
And addiction you know, or or habit formation is very prevalent in our society today because not just with drugs and alcohol, but think about social media, right, and and the amount of people that are literally addicted to their phone, and they're addicted to likes and shares, which goes back
to what affirmation of you? Right, And so that goes back to your own ego and your own self and you were not getting all of these things throughout your life in relationships, so you're looking for that to be filled on social media, right, You're looking for oh my gosh, well one hundred and seventeen people just liked what I said, So you know, you get that feeling of instant gratification. You're getting those endorphins because you're getting some kind of
validation for your ego. And so that is a very addictive behavior. And if you talk to people about like your addictive behavior, these are the things that are going on in your life because of this addiction. But why are you so addicted? What is what are you trying to fill with that particular addiction.
Right, But you just went all the way to the end of it is self esteem. You you just literally went to the end of it, like underneath, like I do this bad habit, it's because I'm trying to cope with this situation because I was raised this way, because this is my self esteem level. That's you just went right to the end of it. So I like say, self esteem is confidence in your uniqueness. So people who don't know who they are, they just want confidence. So
it's confidence in uniqueness. But if I don't know who I am, I just want confidence. And that's the likes. So if somebody feels good about people they don't even know, saying you're amazing, I call that low self esteem. No self esteem is I get pleasure at other people's pain. I only feel good when I'm hurting other people, and that's that's narcissists and everything. But there's so many low self esteem people out there, and.
One hundred percent, so.
Many of these influencers that people look up to are.
I was going to say, the most depressed lost people that you could ever want to meet. And why is that is because they have that void and they're searching for anything and everything they can to fill, you know, because they don't know who they are. And that's the whole thing. Like people ask all the time, like how do you find your purpose? Like how do you find who?
Who you're supposed to be, what you're supposed to be doing, what you know God wants you to do or whatever, and all like what you just said about the self esteem levels. Of course that goes all the way back to episode one, right, But all of these things that we do, you are are subconsciously us trying to figure out who we are.
What and what and solving it. How though you said it all these things.
External, right, and it is everything is external, and the thing that we to me as very important and it was very important for me when I'm finally like an adult now and figuring out like who I am and what I'm supposed to be doing and the kind of person that I am and I think when talking about because you know, like in the first first episode we did, I'm like, I'm a compassion server.
That's like my thing.
And I think the reason why I'm a compassion server is because of all of the trials and tribulations and junk that I went through growing up that shaped me. And basically that's how I found like my purpose in my path. Now, if I wouldn't have gone through any of those things, I would not be a compassion server.
They perform.
Yeah, So the thing is is that what's happening is is that we are trying to feel we're deceived. Really, these are more self esteem people are deceived because the answer is getting confidence in who I am. They look at everything, just like you said, everything external to fill an internal answer, and it's never gonna work. And then the more likes to get, the more they think they're gonna get closer to it.
And then and then the bores their personality gets, and the more that they change emotionally and mentally because they're constantly it's like a high that they're chasing, right, And you can only have, you know, two Dorito's when you start out, and then by the end of the day you have to have the whole bag of Dorito's. Then next week you have to have two bags of Dorito's.
You know, it's like that constant need to up because your body craves that exter the extra endorphins that you get from that momentary high.
Because people liked your post.
There's nothing that's going to drive people more than achieving fulfillment, which is high self esteem. There's nothing more. So when they're trying to do that and they feel like they're getting closer, but they know they don't have it, they try twice as hard, five times hard, everything you're saying, and then they just they just crash. So that's the thing is these people who are influencers so deceived in
the thinking it's all about likes and it's that. So mid self esteem is when you feel better when somebody you look up to affirms you. So with somebody. So this is where a lot of the goal is with the kids, is the parents with their kids is I you know, low self esteem is is other kids say do this and I do it, and the parents go, if they said jump off a bridge, and you jump off a bridge, why are you? Why do you want the affirmation of a bunch of knuckleheads. That's what the
parents are trying to say. That's low self esteem. Mid self esteem is the parents saying, why don't you want the affirmation of your coach or your teacher, or your pastor or your parents. Why don't you want their affirmation? So that seems to be the goal, But the problem with mid self esteem is as soon as you get
that affirmation, you don't need anymore. I tell the story of going into the school and this teacher tells me how thirty years ago he was interning or teaching at some college and this real genius mathematician sat at the lunch table and gave the guy compliment. And I will tell you he's still telling that story because he doesn't need any more compliments, and he doesn't need to grow anymore because thirty years ago he got this great compliment.
Glory days. Thirty years ago, my high school team won the championship, and I don't need to grow anymore. So mid self esteem stops. High self esteem is when you're so confident in who you are that you don't feel better about yourself. When someone affirms you, you feel better
about them. So if you think in your life, there's an area of your life, everybody has an area of their life where they know they're so good at something that when people compliment them and they go, I know that, but I'm impressed you realize that about me, But I already know that. The goal what I try to do is help people get to that level in the majority of their life. That first step is knowing your uniqueness.
When you know your uniqueness, you get right to mid self esteem because now you're trying to grow in confidence in that uniqueness versus if you don't know your uniqueness, then you're running around looking for confidence or likes.
Right.
That's why I think that's so important, And I think if you look back over your life, it's really a growth in self esteem. As you got more confident in who you were, you realize when people said stuff about you, you win. This is more about them than it does about me. And that's the moment when I start seeing when I'm helping people their self esteem change is when people say stuff about them and they go, wait, that I don't care what they say about me, it's telling
me about them. That's when I know they're starting to flip. You know.
It's funny. That's one of the things that.
People say, like on a regular basis, and it'll come up in conversation, just casual conversation, when they're like, it's kind of like a back ended compliment. I guess when they're like, you just really don't care what people think.
About you, do you?
What do you say to that?
No, I don't because I'm so comfortable with who I am, right that people's outside opinion of me does not matter. It's not a reflection on me, it's a reflection on them. So if somebody, you know, like feels the need to pick at me or say something bad about me to make themselves feel better, that's a dumb problem.
That's what you pieced it together, though most people wouldn't say. What you said is if people are picking on me and you go on, you say in order to make themselves feel better. So you understand that, Oh yeah, when did you reach the point where you realize it doesn't bother me what people say about me?
You know what?
I was probably in my forties by that time.
And it's an.
Amazing like transformation because people are always like, oh, I can't wait until I get to that point where I don't care what people think.
That's a whole mindset thing.
Not. Yeah, it's literally a transformation, it is.
And it's it's when you get to that point where you don't care, you know, because people are just rude, right, and so it's like they pick you apart for your looks, your clothes, your whatever whatever whatever, And I'm like, I'm totally fine with that.
I'm a thrift store shopper. I love it.
You know, I'm the person that I am because I love it, and what they say is not going to change the way that that I am or who I am. And so it probably wasn't until I got to my fifties where I'm like, you know what, I'm like, I feel like I've arrived. I'm still a work in progress, mind you, because.
We all are.
God's not done with the sanctification of me yet.
But there is a level. When you hit that level that is transformation. Yeah, and so now you see things, you know, you look at that and go, Okay, this says more about them. We talked about this in the Happiness episode. When people talk to me, my first thought I call it the backward step, is everybody's just trying to be happy, right, there's four ways to be happy. How is this person trying to be happy? If they're putting me down, that's that three twenty, that's that narcissist.
They are trying to be happy at my expense, right, that's but that's you know what.
The where I'm at now, if that's going to make them feel better, that's going to make them happy for five minutes.
Hop at it.
There you go, I really don't care because in the grand scheme of things, like they're they're lack, they'rein right, is not going to unsettle or shake me from my foundation.
Okay, so this moves into communication. So the thing is is when I'm helping people go through this transformation, and I love that use that word because that's exactly what it is. Communication. What the words we say, the words we hear, and the words we think form our brain. It is forming your brain. So when somebody says these things, you're a horrible person, you're this year that what I've taught people see that is affecting your brain. That is
rewiring your brain. That's changing your brain to a more negative perspective and negative thought loop. What I teach people to do is to defend their thought. Is to say, she believes I'm a horrible person. She believes. So if you say that that communication, you're taking their communication, You're putting your communication on it. That defends your brain to it is factual. They believe it. It's not factual. I'm a horrible person, right, But if I take that, now
I'm building on a lie. So I'll teach that. So the communication is really where the rubber hits grow. That is how we grow and become transformed. That is how we go the other way. And a lot of this social media is really bad communication.
Well, and what you said are perfect examples of triggers for people, right, because in our everyday communication, people start to believe what other people say about them and they internalize that as that's part of their self, right, that's part of their ego, Like, uh, you're ugly, you're fat, you're whatever, Like nobody's gonna love you, You're a torrible person, you're stupid, you're all these things, right, all these labels and words that people like to throw around that have
negative connotation, and people take those and they internalize them literally all.
The time, all the time.
And it's like and it's like, why why do you think you're a bad person? Because you're not a bad person. I think you're a fantastic person, like you have you know, here's a list of traits that I love about you, you know, and and whatever, and so trying to give somebody back, like positive affirmation and positive words so they can soak that in to their sponge instead of arbon.
If there were really no self esteem, they do what I was teaching the opposite way. She thinks i'med that. She thinks I'm of that, but I'm not really. So So one thing is is when we communicate, we want to understand the unique of the person. But let's go back to what you're saying about this automatic And there's an amazing example of this. So I believe it was Microsoft. So you know, we had all these AI chatbots and all this stuff.
One of the v by the way, the very.
First ones was called Tay t a Y and it stood for teen age youth.
I tay okay.
So it was a Microsoft chat box and I'm going to say somewhere between twenty sixteen twenty eighteen. They put it on Twitter at the time, that Twitter, and it had all these exchanges, and within twenty four hours they had to take Tay down because Tay was quoting pro hitler. Oh all right, misogynistic.
Okays all right?
So what happened People were talking to it in this negative communication style. It was absorbing it and giving it back and it went off.
Track, right, And that's us right, that's under said us right, And that is like the root base of like people's emotional baggage. That they carry around with them like literally every single day is always in the back of their mind all the negative things that anybody has ever said to them. And how often as a society do we say positive things about other people?
Right, But again, we got to make sure it matches the uniqueness. Here I tell you a story. This is a really interesting story because this brings everything together that we talked about. There was a kid in school and his teachers had trauma and in form care and this kid in the first three months of school had eighty eight seclusions and restraints, so eighty eight times they had to put their hand on the kid. When you when you do that to a kid in school, you got to
write it. You got to document I put my hand on this kid, or they put them in a room and closed the door. Seclusion eighty eight times in three months, so more than once a day on average. This is how the teachers were handling this kid. This kid got moved to a teacher who had the flow SESS training and I gave a talk at a conference and it
was the fourth year of this conference. That conference was like I'm going to say, six years ago, and they haven't had the conference since I shut down the conferences to say yes is I said, this kid got flows as training or the teacher got flows as training. And in the next six months we cut that down by seventy five percent, and everybody applauded. And then I said, I lied to you. I said, over the next six months, that kid experienced zero seclusions or nurse trains z e R.
Nobody clapped. When I was done with my talk, nobody clapped. And then the final day, when there was supposed to be a group meeting, the rest of the crowd sent a person to talk to me and the head person and they said, everybody hates you, and they never had the conference again. Now, why would everybody clap if I cut the seclusions restrained by seventy five percent and everybody get upset? When I said I cut.
Them out completely, I had a thought pop into my head. A lot of people love confrontation, They love that bullying mentality. They enjoyed putting that kid in seclusion and restraint because you know what, it made them feel better.
So I'm a philosophical person. You're a very philosophical person. I like to say there's two views of the universe. So there is the malevolent view of the universe. The universe is a bad place, and we're here to minimize the badness. There's the benevolent view. God said everything was very good. The universe is a great place, and we're the ones messing it up. When I got that number to zero, who was triggering that kid eighty eight times?
Nobody?
The teacher. Oh yeah, so that kid never had to experience any of this, But how is the teacher triggering him? The teacher was triggering that kid because of communication. That teacher spoke against the kid's uniqueness, and that teacher used a lot of direct language. You need to do this, You do that, You're a bad kid. You're so those things will trigger people. If I say a bunch of youth statements, you can trigger somebody. Or if I would say,
like your compassion server, you're a weak person. You know you have to do this that goes against your service. You tell me, I'm gonna know it all because the teacher. It's not about you, but it's gonna bother me. So the thing is is that the school system, there was a bigger school system that threatened the school system we're in.
They didn't want them to share that story, because schools would rather keep having the kids experience seclusion and restraints than admit the reason the kids have is because how the teachers communicate with the kid well.
And that goes back to our ego, right, because we, for the love of God, wouldn't want a bruised ego to be like, I'm at fault as a teacher, like I'm the one that was causing undue stress to this child. People don't want to acknowledge wrongness. They have a hard time admitting when they're wrong, admitting that.
They have faults or flaws or whatever. And so.
You know, why would school system or an employer, or healthcare system or anybody for that matter want to have somebody come in and go provide the training that you have so that people could actually all understand each other and get along when it's easier just to.
Let people be.
People and bark orders and treat people like they're all the same where they're That's the thing is people are already going to chat GPT for psychological help, going to chat GPT for for advice on their dating. Right, I'm dating this woman, this happened, What should I do? Chat GPT isn't saying, well, what's her uniqueness because she's a human chat GPT is going doesn't matter. Here's how us robots date. She's a robot. Let me give you advice
to date a robot. And that's what's going on. So that's where we're kind of losing this this this intangible drivers understanding uniqueness of the person because their uniqueness determines how I'm going to.
Talk to them one hundred And that's that's why again, I'm not a fan of modern the.
I'm not a fan of.
Counseling programs that a lot of churches have because they don't know how to address people as different people. Okay, so you know, like they have the book about love languages, right, and everybody has a different love language, which granted, is important to know if you're in a long term relationship, like why that why like not getting twenty birthday presents for your spouse upset them?
Right?
The thing about love language is I used to get this question all the time. And the thing about love language is this is a lot like personality tests. So when I meet people who are in the personality test business, I say, here's the value of a personality test if this person is unstable, if they're about to trigger, they're about to get really upset. What do I need to do to stop them become becoming triggered? So control piece perfect, you know, those are the those are the like the personality.
So if this person a control person, if they're getting unstable, give them control so they're not unstable, right right, But that's never going to cause people to get better. It's never going to cause people to have a lot of energy. You know. That's where the uniqueness comes in. If I know the uniqueness, I know how to talk to them so that they get more energy. Love language is the
same thing. What the love language really does to say, look it, if this person is starting to get unstable, what can you do for them so they don't freak out?
Well, is not going to build I was going to relate love language to okay, so that your your spouse is mad because you didn't get them twenty birthday presents?
Right right? What is.
So upsetting to them? Like what piece of the puzzle is missing or what is triggering them emotionally wise because they didn't get that. So to me, it goes back to root basic like communication and also back to what is their uniqueness. They're unique because of things that that shape them and stuff, and so.
Why that doesn't tell books right? But why do they fit?
That's a love language. I touch them, that's a love language. There. I don't need to learn about them. I don't need to see them as a right person. I don't need to look. I don't need to put all this effort. I could buy this easy book so as a band aid, and.
So like for the the people that are thinking that, I'm enforcing like the love language thing. What I want you to take away from this And reason why I mentioned that is because like take take the spouse that is like requires constant like affection and attention Number one, why are they like that? Because they didn't get that growing up? So how does that jive with what their uniqueness is and what kind of person they are? Guaranteed they're probably like definitely not a compassion for time, you
know what I'm saying. But it's like, how did their their past shape them? Because love languages go along with triggers, in my personal.
Opinion, enabling though, it's like, right, I need to give.
Them this one hundred percent to.
Keep them pacified. I'm never grown them I'm never helping them get monergy. That's why when you understand person's uniqueness, I like to go past all this stuff and reach out of uniqueness. I counsel counselors. So people who are in the business of counseling, when they're having issues, they come to me and I help them through that because it's kind.
Don't teach this kind of stuff.
Well, because there's stuff doesn't really work. Funny, but it doesn't. And and one of the people I'm I'm working with right now, I get to learn all the latest stuff. And it was interesting because this person said, we learn, you know, emotions and feelings this way because these things block us from reaching reaching the person. So if you think about it, what this person was explained to me is how looks at if I'm looking at you as a counselor you know, I'm trying to help you. You're
my patient. I have all these techniques to break down your walls, and it's very aggressive and I'm coming at you and I recognizing what you're doing, I'm going, okay, I need to use this when you do this to break down this to negate that that's like a chess match versus what I do is I want to understand who you are right sure, what walls you have, and I want to draw out your uniqueness and we dissolve those issues. And this health professional said, your way is
so much more efficient. I'm going to start using what you're doing.
And if you think about like counseling and they have all of these tools and they're forcefully gonna like break down the barriers and they're going to make the patient talk to you or whatever, think about how re triggering that is for a lot of patients, especially anyone who has ever dealt with traumas on a deep, deep level.
That is such a bad idea.
Well why why is it a bad idea? Because it's going to put off the person getting well for a longer period of time, which means you have to meet with them more, which means you can charge and meet the time you meet with them. Well, it sounds like a pretty good money maker strategy.
That's kind of like the medical industry as a whole. But that's it's designed for dollar signs. It's not designed for mental health.
And when I be with people, it's eight sessions and at the end of eight you're going to be in flow and you're going to be able to actually help other people. But we're done, You're going to be able to help yourself. There's a sunset on this. This is not going to be for the next five years.
You're gonna pay well, you mean, I don't have to come and see you for twenty seven years of therapy and still be in the we're building a relationship stage.
Yeah. See, that's and that's that's the difference, you know. The other I want to point out something else I thought was interesting because you talked about this being like triggers, and it's really I always look at a deception and with the love languages things there. The thing is is when somebody affirms you, you feel good for forty eight or seventy two hours, and that's as long as your
short term memory lasts. So that's what's really happening. You get affirmed and you think about it and it feels good, but then when your short term memory goes, you don't.
Remember it, and then you go, he should have bought me the blah blah blah instead of this.
Well, what I see guys do to their wives, and I can imagine a bunch of women watching this and they're about to just drop their head. Is I see guys going you know, you know, honey, when you affirm me, it makes me feel so good and happy. I think I could be happy if you would just affirm me all the time. And the thing is is that it's enabling.
One of the things is that when you affirmed somebody else for a reason, and you did this earlier, when you said when you listed why someone was great, you had these attributes, right, So you didn't say you're great, you're great, you're great. You went hey, you're smart, you're easy to talk to. You you have all these attributes. So I say that as affirming for a cause, because affirming people is not healthy, right, No affirming for a cause.
So just the way you said it, when you affirm somebody for a cause, you feel good past seventy two hours because your unconscious sees that and it keeps kicking out chemicals. So the way to truly be happy long term is not to get affirmed.
It's to affirm people.
Hence hence the compassion server in me, right, because I want to do for other people.
And that's why.
I am definitely not a person that needs like constant affirmation and whatever.
I don't need gifts. I'm not that kind of person. But I love how.
A lot of my friends or whatever, they'll be like, oh, I'm so depressed whatever, and somebody's being all weird with me and I don't think they like me or whatever, and I'm like, you know what, Like, you're such an amazing person because you're always thinking about other people. I love how you're always helping someone else, you know, and all.
Of these things. And then they're like, oh, like you.
See that in me, And it makes people like take a step back and forget about that negative connotation that somebody tried to attach to you. And they're like, oh, well I do. I am always helping.
They just did that, so they didn't go, no, that's what you think I do. That's the key. The minute they did the I do, they accepted it. But you doing that gives you pleasure chemicals and.
Oh it's my literally, my favorite thing on the planet is is making someone else feel good and preferably like permanently, you know, like with joy instead of temporary happiness.
I love you you said that because because I have people who say I'm not a genuinely or generally happy person. And happiness is we talked about. This is is getting pleasure chemicals in response to something around twenty dollars in the parking. I'm happy. Joy is feeling the pleasure chemicals regards wardless of the context. So that's when they stand sally are generally happy. I'm not a joyful person. People who love, people who affirm others have joy. They have
these chemicals regardless of what's happening. That's what you've experienced. So that but it's a transformation, so you've got it. The transformation is when the person goes, wait a minute, Rather than my strategy beginning as many likes and as many affirmations, I'm gonna affirm people to.
Cause one hundred percent.
And you know it can be as simple as you know, if God puts it on your heart, or buying to text somebody just to check on him or whatever that is, that's reaffirming to that person, right that somebody else has their best interest in mind, somebody else cares, somebody else is thinking about them. So it's not always like you know,
giving a present or anything like that. It's just the simple basic thing of human kindness, right kind of it kind of goes back to the whole biblical sense that you know, we're supposed to have mercy, grace, compassion, kindness, and love for other people. And the greatest of all
is love. Like you show other people that you are thinking about them, even if you just send something short like hey, just checking in on you, you know, if you're not a phone call kind of person and you only want to text, because that's why society works these days. But just letting that person know that they're on your mind and that you care about them because a really long way, right.
And again, it benefits you to do that, it makes you healthier. But the thing also, I think you have a real good feel of how to communicate to that person's uniqueness. Saying this to this person works because but you know, saying that same thing to this person doesn't matter. So that's the key in that communication is are you matching the communication. Our unconscious is ninety percent of our brain.
Our conscious is ten percent. Remember you're a mind or soul working through that, so our addictions are in that ninety So trying to use your conscious to overcome that and your unconscious is the thing that gives you all these pleasure chemicals. So trying to use your conscious to get happy and have a strategy. It's flawed. Everything you're doing is exactly the right way your behavior is. What's changing is showing your unconscious. Hey, get off my back
about the snake thing. You know, don't cause me to go that because you did the behavior.
Rather than I can go out and tickle one today if I want to, just gidding, not gonna go that far yet.
I'm still in progress. I said, yeah, yeah.
But that's the thing is that an addiction is the same thing. So it's like to sit there and try to think you're going to consciously overcome these things. It's recognizing it and then the behavior. Literally a lot of times it's doing that opposite. The best way to break an addiction is to do the opposite. So we said, you know, I have this addiction to people affirming me.
The way to break it is to affirm others. You end up better off and you replace that habit of having to be affirmed with affirming other people.
One hundred percent. And a lot of addiction type stuff centers around, like you talked about earlier, finding other things to be addicted to. So, like I told you before the show, I'm like a super creative kind of person, and it's never the same thing. And so one time I'm like writing stories and I'm writing poetry, and another time I'm making something or making custom candy or tea or whatever. Like, it's always something different, always letting me
be creative in a different kind of outlet. And that's the kind of thing that people with addictive type personalities, especially when they get in a routine and a rut, throw something different in because it reshapes that need for us to do the same.
Thing over and over and over again.
And that teaches us how to retrain our brain to not always respond with the same response or action.
Right. So everybody's unique mind soul, everybody's brain is unique. So you can't really write a book right explain what we're explaining. So that's why you get these books that are just really superficial and right and specific little tools and really guarding again a problem. We have this program, it's an impact and the program is to teach you how the brain works. So you figure out your uniqueness, you figure out how your brain works, and then you
understand how to get yourself even and flow. So that's that's kind of the thing that that I do, and it's it's just the opposite of everything out there. I know it's hard to communicate what we do. It flows that dot com. But the thing is is we really try to help people understand their uniqueness and how their unique brain works so that they can make their adjustments. But to sit there and say, anytime someone says I read this book and here's the answer, I'm like, no,
it's either the answer I call resolve. It's either the answer to stop the bleeding, you know, which is the yeah band aid. So that's love language. That's the band aid, or it's going to convince you you're robot and that ain't gonna.
Work one hundred person. And that's why I love what you do because number one, like I said before, I'm like a huge nerd when it comes to brain type stuff and you know, the brain chemicals and how it works in conjunction with our thoughts and our behaviors and all of those kind of things. But I'm so happy that you're doing it because, like I said, I don't
I'm not a fan of modern therapy. I think they're completely missing the boat when trying to help people learn or grow or change behaviors or thought processes or anything like that. So I'm so thankful that you are doing what you're doing because the amount of people that you're helping and the ripple effect that you have because others people are seeing the change and the people that have gone through the.
It's fantastic. And that word of mouth and.
Uh line of sight, I guess you could say, seeing that the transformation of people is impressive.
Yeah, We're gonna be talking more about transformation in the future on flow sets because we we've seen so many people have transformed that I think I've figured out kind of the equation for transformation and how that occurs. So it's something maybe we'll talk about that in the future episode.
About I am more than willing because, like I told you before, I love having these conversations and it's it's fascinating to me and it's stuff that's like right up my alley.
So I'm on board with that.
Nice.
So, my dear John, thank you again for joining me today for another.
This goes so fast for me.
I really enjoy it and I'm like, what is the next one? Oh darn it, I.
Have to wait two weeks. I don't like this. We right, I have to make this a regular call.
John, just say.
I enjoy this.
So where can people find you?
At?
My dear well.
Flowsys dot com is where I do all the minding brain stuff. I also the reason why I have a model for the mind and brain is I have a non contradictory model for God. So I wrote a book called Modeling Good. And if you go to Modelinggod dot com all one word, that's where that book is. There's also a second book called Modeling Good's Wills. We were talking about that kind of at the start of knowing whether God wanted this thing to happen or not, and
so I help people understand that. So those are the two places most people can find me.
Can they find you on Instagram or Twitter?
Instagram and Twitter is Modeling God is my handle all one word. All modeling got on Instagram and Twitter as well.
All right, And if people have not checked out flow Says yet, or if you've not looked at those books, please make it a point to do so, especially if you are struggling in any realm. Make sure that you go check thus out. You will not regret it, I promise you so. For me and for John, thanks for joining us for another episode, and we will see you next time.
Have a great day.