Simplified Speech #241 – Keeping secrets

Hello there and welcome back to Simplified Speech. The QLIP series that features clear, natural, and easy to understand conversations between native speakers. I'm your host, Andrew, and today I'll be joined by my co-host Cassie to talk about a very interesting topic, keeping secret. Are you an open book who shares everything? Or are you a closed book who keeps things private? In this lesson, Cassie and I discover that we have very different personalities when it comes to handling secrets.

We talk about the stress of knowing a secret that you can't tell anyone, the temptation to spill the beans, and we even debate a difficult question: is it harder to keep a happy secret or a sad secret? But before we get into the conversation, let me tell you about the best way to improve your fluency with Qlips, which is by becoming a Qlips member.

As a member, you get full access to the helpful study guide and interactive transcript for this lesson, plus all of the other lessons in our library as well, and we have over a thousand lessons for you to learn with. But maybe the best part of being a member is our weekly speaking classes. These classes are an absolute awesome way to improve your speaking skills by discussing interesting topics with our expert teachers and other motivated learners just like yourself.

You can learn all about Qlips membership and sign up today by visiting our website, qlips.com. And of course, a huge thank you to all our members out there for your support. We couldn't do Qlips without you. So thank you so much. We'd also love to hear your opinion on today's topic.

After you listen, come tell us if you're an open book or a closed book on our Discord server. It's the perfect place to hang out and discuss this lesson with the Qlips community. And it's completely free to join. The link is in the description. We'll see you then. Okay, let's get started. Here's my conversation with Cassie. Enjoy. Joining me now to talk all about keeping secrets is my co-host Cassie. Hello Cassie, how's it going? Hey Andrew, I'm doing well. And you?

I'm good as well, and Cassie, I love today's episode topic. Not just because it's an interesting topic, but also because it was suggested to us by one of our listeners. So I want to give a shout out to Kim. Kim left a comment on our Discord community, and Kim wrote. The following. I've really been enjoying listening to Qlips recently and I wanted to suggest one topic.

I was wondering how do you deal with a secret if you hardly talk about it to anyone? Like for example, if you have a crush or if you have a problem when you're working, but there's no one who can give you helpful advice or no one Talk to what do you do? So that's what we're gonna talk about in this episode. Cassie is keeping secrets.

Thank you, Kim, for the amazing episode suggestion. And listeners, if you'd like to suggest an episode, then please go ahead and do it. We love when we get ideas from you. And the best place to do that is on our Discord server, which It's free for everyone to join. Just click the link in the description for this episode and you can join our Discord server.

Okay, so Cassie, let's get into it. Let's talk about keeping secrets. And maybe the best place we should start is is just by talking about ourselves and our personality. And I'm wondering, Cassie, are you good at keeping secrets? Are are you more of an open book kind of person or a closed book kind of person? I would say that when I was younger and recently I have been notoriously open book. I love to tell secrets. But really, okay. Um

But um I'm I'm trying to get better at it. It it's not that I love to tell secrets or like gossip. I just love to tell and hear and talk about good stories. So it's really hard for me to contain something that Should be secrets. I'm like, wow, this would be so cool to talk about with this person. Mm. But I realized that i if somebody tells me something that they're like, You really can't tell anybody this, it could be it could be bad for this person if people know, then I'll

Okay. Wow, interesting. So I guess I asked you kind of two questions at once. I asked you Are you good at keeping secrets and are you more of an open book or a closed book kind of person? So maybe we could separate those two questions. So first question, are you good at keeping secrets? I guess the answer is not so much. If it's a really important secret, yes. But if it's a little one, they're like, Ah, don't tell anybody, but it's not a big deal, dude, I'm totally telling someone.

Okay. Good good to know. I'll I'll keep that in mind before the next time I tell you a secret. Okay, good. So that's the first question. And then the second question is slightly different. Are you an open book or a closed book? And these two expressions guys we use to talk about people who really are open and share lots of information about themselves willingly. Like if you're an open book, you'll tell

Everybody, anything, and there's nothing that you really feel like you need to keep private or keep to yourself. However, a closed book kind of person is the opposite, right? A closed book kind of person really doesn't like to share too much information about their lives with with other people. Cassie, would you say you're more of an open book or a closed book or a book

Half closed. I don't know. What kind of person are you? Oh, that's an interesting question. I'm curious to hear your answer too, Andrew. Maybe like a a half. I I think I'm a person that gives the appearance of being open book, but I don't share my most my deepest inner thoughts, if that makes sense. Like, I'm kind of reserved um in the things that matter the most to me, except towards my

closest friends and family. But for the things that I don't care if anybody else knows, then I'm very open book. I love sharing little stories about um people I know or things that I've done. How about you? Okay, well to answer the first question, are you good at keeping secrets? I would say that I'm pretty good at keeping secrets. Just because I'm kind of the opposite of you, Cassie. You're like, ah, I wanna

I want to talk about interesting things and yeah, me too. I want to talk about interesting things, but in general, I don't find other people's lives very interesting. I I know that maybe sounds kind of boring, but like when I'm talking with my friends, I love talking about like sports or politics or like music or those kinds of things. But talking about like

Other people's personal lives, I'm actually not very interested in. So usually I would say I'm I'm kind of good at keeping secrets just because I don't care to talk about other people's personal lives too much. But can you guess what kind of problem this causes? People tell you crazy things because they know that you won't tell other people? Exactly. People are like, Andrew, you're so good at keeping secrets. I want to tell you this. I'm like, oh, why? And then

Other people will ask me for details because they know I know, right? They're like, oh, I'm sure this friend told you about this. situation because they know you won't talk about it. I don't like it when other people try to pry information out of me because they know I know a secret. So by trying to avoid this drama, you actually get dragged into it all the time. See, you should be more like me, Andrew. Yeah.

I know, it's like I'm just trying to live my life and focus on me and keep my head down and mind my own business and somehow I get involved in other people's business this way. So Yeah, I I would say I'm pretty good at keeping secrets and I I try not to tell other people's information. It's natural, I think, from Time to time for some information to to come out. But in general I'm pretty sure. Now for the next question, are you an open book or a closed book?

Maybe listeners will find this surprising because I'm always on Qlips talking about my life and I share stories from my life with the world on the internet on this podcast. But

Aside from podcasting, I think I'm pretty much a closed book. I I really find it a little bit uncomfortable to talk about myself and if somebody asks me a question, then I'll always try and answer that question honestly and be open and answer the question. But I usually don't share information unless somebody asks me first. So I'm not going around like

you know, being the one to start conversations and to be the one who starts sharing, it's usually only in a response to somebody asking me a question. And so I get situations from time to time where people are like Oh Andrew you run? I never knew that. Or Andrew, you're into music? I never knew that. It's like how long have you been running? Oh around a decade. A decade. They're like, shocked. And that's just because I don't go around like

I I guess that makes me a closed book. Would you think that makes me a closed book? I do, yeah. And it's it's funny because that you say that, um, because you have this podcast. Um, there was a similar thing that happened to me in Thailand. I actually told some friends that I do this podcast and they were all So shocked because, like I said, I'm also a more of a closed book around um people that I'm not super close to. So they considered me this like.

kind of shyer person and then when they find out that I you know do these podcast episodes with you they're like what I don't know you at all Yeah, it's kind of surprising for people, especially our friends who are English native speakers, right? When they open their podcast app, they're not looking for a podcast to learn English, so they're probably not gonna find us.

If we were just like a a regular podcast, maybe we'd pop up on the app or something. But yeah, it could be surprising for some people, totally. Okay. Cassie, why don't we move on to the next part of this episode and in Kim's suggestion there was a mention of a secret crush. A secret crush. Now Cassie, you and I are both married and I think our secret crush days are probably behind us. I hope at least. Yes. And

Uh it's a little bit difficult for us to talk about it in the moment, but I'm sure when we were growing up back in middle school, high school, university, maybe even uh we probably had some secret crushes. So yeah, I'll just You have you ever had a secret crush? And maybe we should explain also what a crush is. Maybe we'll start with that. What does it mean, a crush? A crush is usually a one sided

feeling of love or affection for someone. So you're like, oh, I wish I got to date that person. They're so handsome or they're so beautiful or they're so full of life. I really like them. Mm-hmm. Yeah, when you have feelings for someone, but you really haven't expressed those feelings yet. We would call that a crap.

And so for whatever reason, a lot of people have a secret crush, right? Especially like students in middle school and high school, I think. There's somebody you like, but maybe you're Afraid of rejection or for this reason or that reason, you don't really let those feelings be known. So Cassie, I don't know, in your life did you ever have a secret crush?

Um I never had one like the T V shows where it's all consuming and I needed to know every single detail about that person and I'd I never like followed them places around the mall or something. Like you see those No stocking. Yeah. You see those characters on T V shows and you're like, You guys are so silly. Right. Um so I wasn't that type of person, but yeah, I definitely had crushes. But I uh I was really shy when I was in

Middle school and high school and even early college and I I got embarrassed so easily. Andrew, I kind of cringe now about how embarrassed I was about stupid things when I was young. Um, I know I'm like officially an adult now for a m a million other reasons, but um officially I I knew a few years ago that I definitely like finished growing my prefrontal cortex and have uh evolved into an adult because I looked back at my my young adult years with so much embarrassment.

Yeah, it's good to have those cringy recollections and those cringy moments because it does show maturity and growth, right? So yeah, I think. You're not alone, Cassie. Everybody looks back at their adolescence and things like, Oh, why did I take that? Yeah, we all have those moments. And yeah, of course me too. I had crushes growing up.

And some of them I actually like confessed. You know, I I I made my feelings known. And most of the time I got rejected. But there were a few successes as well. So I would say to anybody out there who's secret crushing right now. Just get rid of the secret. Just confess your feelings and if you're successful, then amazing. And if not, then you can move on. Yeah. You don't have to worry and obsess about it. Yeah, get a new crush. Yeah. So yeah, that would be my my words of advice there.

Okay, Cassie, let's move on to the next part because the next part of Kim's suggestion was about Kind of feeling a burden or feeling like you're weighed down because you have a secret, especially maybe at the office or Work, like there's a lot of times where things come come up, like maybe you know about an upcoming layoff in the office.

I've been in that situation before. It's really, really stressful. You know that somebody's probably gonna be laid off in the near future, however, you can't tell that person, and they're just like going around like know, every day is fine and you're like, Oh man Yeah, I you kinda wanna tell them like you should polish up the resume and start looking for a job, but you can't. It's not your place to to tell them that information.

I don't know, have you ever been in a situation like that where you know some insider information where you're burdened with that knowledge? In family matters sometimes, yeah. Like if I had one family member that something was happening in their life that they didn't want another family member to know, but they wanted advice on it, I'd be like, Wow How do I keep this to myself?

And sometimes I didn't. I'd share it with my sister. But other times like you have to. It's just too big of a thing. And and you're right. It can feel really burdensome and it can it can hurt your heart. You can go, like this is causing me more stress than it might be causing you, even though you're going through it. Yeah, right. I totally agree. And the family example is such a good one. I totally remember situations where somebody in my family would

tell me some kind of secret or information and then they'd say, Don't tell mom, don't tell dad, don't tell your brother. Right? Like it happens all the time in a family dynamic. And I feel like It's almost I mean, I understand why people do it, but it's almost unfair to us because they just like put us in a really tight stressful situation. Yeah, tight spot. So Yeah, I know they're not trying to do that. That's not the intention, right? They're trying to get some help.

and some guidance and they probably think Like Cassie, if somebody tells you a secret in your family, they're probably doing that for some help or advice, right? But at the same time, they're also putting you in a pickle where now you feel stressed and you don't know what to do. That's such a good phrase, Andrew, in a pickle.

Yeah. Meaning just like in a difficult situation, right? Okay, so maybe this is something we need to consider before we tell people secrets. Yeah, if they can handle the secrets. Uh-huh. Can they handle the secret? Not just like can they keep the secret, but can they handle it emotionally? Something to think about.

Okay, so Cassie, our final segment here of this conversation is going to be about managing the urge to tell. Maybe we talked about it at the start and you said that you love it to go around a and tell little secrets, nothing major, nothing big, but What about you, Cassie? Do you have like a best friend or maybe one of your sisters who is like your vault person, someone who you can trust, who you can share information with? Someone who you know will keep your secrets?

Yeah. Um I have I would say three actually. Um, my my husband, of course. He's super good at keeping secrets. And then my My sister in Oregon, I tell her Almost everything. It's been kind of a weird dynamic in the last few years. I don't know if you have a similar case since you have siblings. But I used to go to my sister for every secret.

And now it's becoming more my husband that I go to rather than her. It it's been that way for a few years now. And sometimes when I think about it it makes me sad. Um because, you know, that relationship with my sister is changing. Uh but I still go to her for some juicy stuff, especially when it deals with family members. Um, and then my aunt. I feel like she's still my my role model. Cause even as I'm an adult, I still need wiser influence than myself. Sure, yeah.

Yeah, that's that's a great point. I think Me too after getting married, the my wife is kind of my go-to vault person. And yeah, my best friends. I got two very close friends who I I share a lot of information with, but to be honest, maybe this is like a gender divide, I'm not so sure, but I think guys kind of in general and I'm definitely in in this stereotype where I'm not like

a person who shares my emotions and shares my feelings too easily. So to be honest, there's not like a lot of emotional talk that happens. But If I if I were in the situation where I had to, I I know I have some people that I could rely on and I could go to and I could trust that they would, you know, keep my secrets if I n I knew. Okay. So Cassie, the last question I have for you is What is a harder secret to keep? Good news or bad news? Like

I don't know if you found out like why don't we use your sister for an example? If your sister was pregnant and was gonna have a baby. Yeah. Great news. Okay, amazing. Or, uh, I don't know, bad news. Your sister lost her job. I don't know. I'm sorry to pick on your sister here. Just for example, what would be easier to keep? Uh the good news would be easier to keep. The good news would be easier to keep. Okay, why? Because I love giving news.

So I know the joy that people get from giving news, uh, if they're like me. So I would never wanna spoil giving good news. Because that's their moment. And I would hate it if somebody spilled my good news secret before I could tell them. But for a Bad news. If it's really bad, I also wouldn't spill that. But for like slightly bad, I think sometimes it could be almost better when somebody else spills it, so then like the weight is lifted off of your shoulders for having to confess to something.

You can be like, Ah, okay, you know already, let's talk about it. So I don't feel that bad about sharing bad news. That's a fantastic answer and yeah, I wasn't sure what my answer would be, but after hearing yours, I think, wow Cassie's answer was perfect. I'm gonna copy her answer. That's exactly right. You don't want to steal somebody's thunder by sharing their good news about yeah, whatever it is in their life that's yeah amazing. You want them to tell that and if you

tell that secret and steal their thunder in that kind of situation, then you're a terrible person. So Yeah, they'll be resentful of you. Yeah, they'll they'll be really angry. So yeah, that's that's great. You have to keep good news a secret and bad news, like you said, if you do share it in advance, if you do spill the beans and Tell that secret, then maybe you're kind of paving the way for that person to be more willing to share their bad news with other people.

kind of makes the the shock of the bad news not as impactful, right? So maybe you're actually doing somebody a favor by not keeping a secret. I don't know, it's case by case, but it could be, right? I'll tell myself that to make me feel less guilty for sharing secrets. Good. Well, Cassie, I think this will bring us to the end of this episode. But this was a really fun conversation. I enjoyed it. Me too.

Yeah, so listeners, we would love to know your thoughts and opinions about this topic, and once again, thank you to Kim who suggested this. Amazing episode suggestion. And guys, the best place to get in touch with us, to share your thoughts, to share your opinions, and to share your suggestions for upcoming episode topics. is our Discord. Once again, the link is in the episode description and you just follow the link to join. So we'll see you there and we can't wait to hear what you

Okay, Cassie, thanks so much and we'll talk to you next time. See ya. Bye everybody.