Hello everyone and welcome back to the QLips English podcast. You are listening to Chatterbox. Chatterbox is our series that features interesting conversations about fascinating topics between native speakers and today we are going to talk about a very interesting topic indeed, and one that I think Everybody from around the world, all Q-Lips listeners can relate to this topic. It is waiting. Waiting is a part of everyday life and we're going to really get into the psychology of waiting.
In just a minute, I will be joined by my co-host, Anna, and we're going to get into this topic and talk all about waiting. And I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Pardon the pun, but before we get started with the episode, there are a few things that I want to let you know about. The first is that there is a helpful study guide, an interactive transcript, a comprehension quiz, and more for this. And we have designed the guide to really help you improve your English fluency.
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which as I mentioned is the psychology of waiting. And I really enjoyed this conversation with Anna. I'm not going to keep you waiting any longer. Let's get right to it. Here we go. Enjoy. Joining me now as my co-host for this episode is Anna. Hey there, Anna. How's it going? Hi, Andrew. Hello, everyone. I'm great, thanks. How are you?
I'm doing well and I'm excited to record this episode, Anna. I know I always say that, but I love this topic and I've been waiting to talk about it with you all day. So the anticipation has been killing me, but I'm glad we finally get to talk about it now. And guys, in this episode, we are going to talk about the psychology of waiting. And this is just a fact of life.
Right, Anna? As we go about our day from time to time, we have to wait, whether we like it or not. And that's what we're going to discuss in this episode is everything related to waiting. Maybe just a quick vocabulary lesson here at the top of the episode, Anna, because I know there's a difference between UK English and North American English when we talk about waiting. In North American English, we say standing in line. What do you say in the UK? We normally say queuing or queuing up.
Okay, queuing up or queuing. And yeah, in North American English, we say waiting or waiting in line. And these situations just talk about when you have to stand in a line to wait your turn, maybe at the supermarket. maybe to get onto the bus, that kind of situation. So guys, just in case you hear us use this different vocabulary, now you know, same meaning, just different way to talk about it.
So Anna, let's get started here. I'm just curious in general, what is your mindset and philosophy about waiting? Are you a patient person? Are you good at standing in a line and waiting your turn? Are you very impatient and it makes you angry? What kind of waiter are you? I have to be honest. I'm a little bit impatient. And if I see a long line, for example.
or a lot of people queuing for something, like maybe in a restaurant, for example, if it's a popular restaurant and I can see people queuing, I'm not going to queue. I'm just going to go another time when there's no queue. So I'm not a fan. of queuing up and I only would do it if it was absolutely necessary or if there was no other way around it but I prefer to just go at a time when there's not going to be any people there or book in advance
or make the appointment in advance or whatever it is, but I'm not a queuer. I'm only going to queue if I have to queue because for me, it's just like wasted time and it's annoying. So no, I'm not going to queue up for three hours just to go and look at something. I'll just go another time. Yeah, that's my philosophy on waiting. I'll just go when there's no one else. You know, it's very interesting to hear that because here in South Korea, where my home base is,
there's an interesting psychological effect. And that is when there is a long line, like maybe outside of a store or outside of a restaurant, it grabs people's attention. And I even find myself noticing. I go, wow, there's a long line at that restaurant. It must be good. And then I get curious and I'm like, well, maybe we should stand in that line or maybe we should go into that exhibit or this cafe must have amazing coffee. The line is so long.
even heard that some business owners will go as far as to hire extras to stand in line outside of their stores to draw the attention of other people. And I don't know if that's just... hearsay or if that's true i'm not sure but it's a very interesting phenomenon that i've noticed that it's true if you see a long line you're kind of drawn to it and it grabs your attention although i have to say anna personally
I would never wait voluntarily to get into a restaurant or to get into an exhibit or something. I would just wait for another time because, yeah, that's not my style. But it does depend on the thing, right? I'm not going to wait for a restaurant. I see lots of people waiting outside clothes shops, for example, to get their hands on the first.
new sweatshirt or something like this. I'm like, yeah, I'll just buy online. Thanks. I'm just going to avoid the queue completely. But then there are some things that I would wait for. For example, I think a lot of people, maybe it's not a product, but I would wait a long time to go on holiday, for example. I might plan something a year in advance, kind of wait for that to come around. Or maybe if I wanted to make an appointment with a specific doctor, for example.
I would be prepared to wait for that. Maybe they don't have an availability. They only have an appointment in like three months. And I'll be like, no, no, no, I'll wait because I want to see that specific person. So it does depend on the thing. If it's something that I really value, then I don't mind waiting.
physically queuing? No, I guess queuing in a sort of abstract sense of, you know, queuing in time, but not... physically queuing some people queue up and wait for the latest iphone for example i literally have no interest in doing that but some people love technology guess it just all depends it's an interesting point that you
mention there I think it boils down to is the waiting voluntary or is it forced and I think if it's voluntary like making an appointment with an amazing doctor who has a really long wait time, right? Maybe you have to wait several months for an appointment. You want to see that doctor. That's like your own.
will, that's your own decision. And so you're willing to wait in that kind of situation. Whereas if you're stuck in a traffic jam, you know, most people don't want to be stuck in a traffic jam ever. And that is involuntary, right? There's nothing we can do to avoid that traffic jam. Once you're in it, you're in it and you're stuck there and you just have to wait. And so these situations that we choose.
Right. We're going on holiday in six months and we're counting down the days to that holiday. We're waiting for it, but it fills us with joy and anticipation and excitement. That's OK to wait for. But yeah, being stuck in line or being stuck in a traffic. jam not so fun and so I think it is really case by case. And it's very interesting, like we're doing the same action, but it's the framing, the way that we view that action of waiting that affects our mood and our feelings.
when it's forced on us is if you go for a job and you have the interview and then you have to wait for the answer you have to wait for them to get back to you and that can be a really agonizing wait Maybe, guys, you've had that experience where you're kind of just waiting for the phone to ring. Maybe it never rings. I am working with a client at the moment as well who...
Their company is going through some really big changes and they know there's some bad news coming. Some people are going to be made redundant. They just don't know who. And they're all waiting. to find out so I think again it's like this forced waiting And I think that's even worse when you know there's something bad coming. You don't know whether it's going to be you affected or somebody else or you don't know exactly what it is. That waiting can be absolutely agonizing.
can just you start making up your own stories and theories and things like this whereas like you said for a holiday in fact I read somewhere that the whole process of waiting and looking forward to the holiday is actually part of the enjoyment of the holiday and that's why it's important to have these things for you know in terms of your happiness it's a good idea to have some things in your calendar in the future because it affects your mood now not just when you're on the holiday so I think
that can be a nice thing to sort of boost your mood. And I know in my diary, it has a section at the top, which says, name three things you're looking forward to, just at the top. So it could be something like, okay, coffee this weekend, could be holiday in summer. It could be, I don't know, meeting my friend next month. And it just kind of boosts your mood a little bit in that moment. So yeah, again, comes back to that same point. Is it forced or is it voluntary?
Same thing. We're doing the same thing, but totally reframes the situation. Yeah, I'm thinking of my mom, actually. If I go back to Canada and I tell her, Mom, I'm coming back to Canada. Until I go back to Canada.
She'll always message me like every week, like, I can't wait till you're coming back. It's going to be so great when you're back here. We're going to have so much fun. It's going to be great to see you again. And it's just like, I think that brings her some joy for the month or two that she has to wait for me to arrive. she's really looking forward to that moment of being reunited with me and so
I think there's something to that, right? Having something in your schedule to look forward to just really brings some brightness to our lives. And I never really considered this, but I'm going to try to always have something on my calendar to look forward to. those times are tough. You can think, ah, in the future, I'll be doing this and that will be a nice thing. Yeah. Pass the time.
Okay, Anna, so we've talked about some of the different ways that waiting can affect our mood, whether it's a forced wait or a voluntary wait. And I kind of remember, Anna, you telling me a story and perhaps you told it. here on Q-Lips and maybe you could share it with our listeners if they haven't heard it about
I think it was when you first arrived in Spain and you had a frustratingly long wait to get your paperwork and your identification to live in Spain as a foreigner. That was a really long wait, wasn't it? Yes. So I had to get my identity card and oh my goodness at that time they didn't have the appointment process which they do now.
because there was a kind of a bit of a scandal because it was outrageous you had to it was basically luck you had to turn up at four in the morning and start queuing when they opened the doors at like eight o'clock And they would only let in a certain number of people every day to get the ID card. And every day it would change. One day it was six. The next day it was 20. The next day it was 15. So you never really knew.
And I remember I'd been queuing up for about four or five days consecutively to try and get in. And I remember one day I was queuing up and I'd been waiting for hours from super cold. And they let in 30 people and I was number 31 and they were like, okay, we're shouting for today. And I was like, so eventually.
I managed to actually get in and get my ID card but that was really frustrating because it was like you know queuing from I think I was queuing five hours every morning and in the freezing cold because it was in December as well. And yeah, but it kind of opened my eyes as well because many people go through processes like that when they go to different countries and they have to apply for different things or they have to get an identity card or they have to sign up for certain things.
really really frustrating for everybody involved because you know i didn't speak very good spanish at the time there were lots of other people there from different nationalities that also didn't speak spanish so it just makes the whole process a little bit more uncomfortable so actually kind of opened my eyes to, yeah, this is what a lot of people have to go through all the time when they want to move to different places and whatever. But yeah, that was annoying.
But I got it eventually. And I was so happy when I got my little card. I was like, I deserve this card. Yeah, you put in the time. You waited in line. Yeah, exactly. I really waited in line for that. And I didn't push in. I was always very... you know, very British and, you know, never sort of tried to push in. I was always in my place. And eventually I got my little card after all of that waiting. So it was very precious about my card after that.
I like that vocabulary that you use there as well, Anna, to push in this phrasal verb, to push in, because this is also, I think, more common in UK English than it is in North American English.
It just means to cut in the line, right? Instead of waiting in your position in line, maybe you'll go to the front of the line or the front of the queue and try and get in at the front. And that's... breaking the rules that's a no-no but in north american english we have actually many ways that we could express this we could say to cut in line to budge in line or even to butt in line to butt in line yeah but we don't say push in so that's interesting to push in
Just a tip, guys. If you go to the UK, British people do not like people pushing in. They're not going to say anything to you. They're just going to go, oh, oh, oh. They're just going to tut. Roll their eyes and tut and sigh, but they won't be very happy with you.
I find old people are masters at pushing in. It's kind of like they've lived all their life and they're like, I don't care anymore. I'm just going to push in. They do it, especially on the bus routes here in Madrid. They sort of hang around near the front of the bus and just kind of slip on. And I'm like, hold on a second. Get to the back of the queue. No, I'm joking. I don't really care that much. And maybe because they're older, you know, we can give them...
We can give them a rite of passage, but they certainly do push it a little bit on the buses. But we'll let them off. It's cool. We can survive. This is maybe me splitting hairs here and being... a little bit of a grumpy old man. I'm not sure, but... It's actually really interesting that in Canada and South Korea, you know, I am Canadian, but I live in South Korea. The culture around waiting is very, very different. Korea is, I would say, in general, an inpatient country.
like things fast and done quickly. And this has sort of infiltrated into many different aspects of society and it can be a really good thing and a really bad thing sometimes it's great if you want to order some food the delivery comes immediately if you want to order some product online you'll get it delivered the next day if you go to a restaurant they'll serve you quickly
Everything just about service is really quick. Going from place A to place B can also be really quick. They have high speed trains. They have taxi drivers who will drive quickly. Like getting around is really quick and convenient. And so all of these things. are amazing but it also means that people want things done quickly as well and so there's an expectation that you will do something quickly and this has been
Not a major culture shock for me, but a slight culture shock because I think Canada is a slower country. We're a big country. We're used to things taking a long time.
To go from one side of the country to the other side of the country is thousands and thousands of kilometers. And if you wanted to drive there, it would take days and days and days. Even a flight will take hours and hours and hours. We don't have high-speed trains. We don't have... anything like this Canada is also a cold place and you know colder places are a little bit slower I think
And so this is a cultural difference between Canada and Korea. And I've noticed just little things like the other day I was trying to open a bottle of something. I can't remember what it was. Some condiment bottle, like maybe. ketchup or hot sauce or something and you know sometimes on a new bottle there'll be a plastic seal at the top and you have to kind of break the seal with your fingernail and then rip it down to open the bottle there was that kind of plastic seal
on the top of this bottle and it was particularly tight and I was trying to rip it with my fingernail and my wife was looking at me trying to open this bottle. I think I tried like one time and it didn't work the first time and immediately she was like, give me that.
I'll do it. I was like, hold on. I'll get it. It's okay. Like, it's okay if it takes me two or three times to try and open this bottle. Like, it's okay. Just relax. But in Korea here, it's like everything's got to be fast. You know, she could open it. a microsecond faster than I can. So she wanted to open the bottle. And I've noticed sometimes like on the subway,
You know, the doors will open for the subway and technically you're supposed to wait for all the people exiting the subway to exit first and then you should enter the subway. This is the... the etiquette the rule but some people want to get those empty seats right and so as soon as the doors open they will try and get
onto the train you know they're still waiting in their line but they'll go into the train before the people have exited the train and this can cause some problems when you are trying to exit the train right it's annoying to have to walk into somebody when you
trying to exit the subway and so i've noticed this happens from time to time too i think it's city living as well right because when you live in a big city like seoul for example and me in madrid and maybe guys if you live in a big or a small city and
You're used to things like, okay, buses every three minutes, metro every five minutes. And then you're like... sorry 15 minutes like next metro 15 minutes I'm like oh this half my life has passed by in 15 minutes what am I going to do and then you sort of go back to home to Scotland, for example, when I was there this Christmas, and it's like, next train, one hour.
and 30 minutes. You're like, where am I? Oh my goodness. Am I on Mars here? So I think there is also the element of city life gets you used to this kind of everything here and now, which I like, but I'm also... along the same lines as you andrew i'm like it's okay if it doesn't have to be right now this second like it's fine but you know i think city life does get you used to that like high paced let's go buses every three minutes uh you know the metro comes all the time
You know, everything's like you order something, it arrives within about 20 minutes. I just find that fascinating that now you can order something, for example, on Amazon. I can order something now and I'll get it by seven o'clock. I'm recording this at 11am and it'll be maybe even in my house, maybe even at five o'clock. Like how amazing is that? That's incredible. I don't have to wait at all just a few hours to get my order. And then I remember I ordered something from a company.
And it was like 14 days shipment. It's like 14 days. I want it now. I want it this afternoon. What am I going to do in 14 days? I don't want it anymore. That's Canada style. 14 days. Yeah. 14 days. It's like half a year. Well, that's an interesting point. And I wanted to talk about this as well. That is. coping mechanisms for waiting. So if you do have to wait 14 days for something, or maybe just in other...
aspects of your life, you know, having to wait in line at a supermarket or wait, you know, 15 minutes for the next train because you just missed the train. What kind of... coping strategies and mechanisms do you have and here guys coping mechanisms just means A way of dealing with something. So if you have a problem and you're handling that problem or dealing with that problem, we call that coping. And so, Anna, how about you? How do you cope with waiting?
I've got my Kindle. That is my absolute go-to. use some kind of device this is the real plus point about having different types of devices because i guess a lot of people just like look at their phone check something online answer some emails so for me it's like if i'm waiting for something especially in a queue for example like literally
in the supermarket. I'm going to go on my Kindle. I'm going to go on my phone. I'm going to answer some emails, like let's get a bit of a two for one here and kill two birds, one stone. But then if it's something that I have to wait for, for a long time, like I remember I ordered something, I think it was like a chair and it didn't come for like three months or four months. I don't know. I just try and forget about it.
And just try and forget that it exists. And then when it finally arrives, you're like, oh, how nice. I completely forgot about this. I didn't even realize it was coming. So I just try to forget about it. And then hopefully, you know, if it doesn't matter.
I mean, I don't know. Other people maybe are waiting for things that are more important than chairs, like maybe, I don't know, a particular operation or something like this, in which case I can imagine that's really difficult because maybe you have a pain in your knee and you're waiting for a knee operation.
And maybe you're on a wait list at the hospital and you have to wait for six months. And so I guess that's probably a little bit more difficult if you're having to deal with that pain every day and you're waiting for that operation. I've never been in that situation myself, but I can imagine that must be really, really stressful, just that long wait. Because I guess every day will go slower. If you're really waiting for something and you really need it.
then the time is going to pass a lot slower, I imagine. Yeah, interesting. I haven't had that situation, thankfully, in my life. So I don't know. Maybe some of our listeners could chime in if you guys have been in that kind of situation, share what it was like. I wonder, Anna, if it could also have that. effect of looking forward to something.
You know how we said that that can bring you joy and some happiness in your life. Maybe at the same time, it could be like, okay, only five more months until I can get my knee operation and I'll be back in service. I'll be back in business. Like I wonder if maybe just knowing.
that you have an operation scheduled could maybe help you i don't know but any listeners out there feel free to chime in and let anna and us know of course yeah that's a totally different situation i'm kind of thinking about If you miss your train and you have to wait, I think for here in Seoul, depending on the time of day, I think the longest I'll ever have to wait for the next subway train is eight minutes, I believe. What? Yeah, I think it's pretty fast.
My goodness. Maybe a little bit longer on Sundays or the weekends, but I think regular weekday during non-rush hours, eight minutes. So usually what I do, and I'm kind of similar to you, I find it...
is a good time to catch up on email. I'm sorry to all of the Qloops listeners out there who have emailed me and have had to wait for a long time for... a response i'm kind of notoriously bad at responding to emails in a timely manner but i do find that that's a good time to catch up on some email because i'm like okay i'm here I can't go anywhere. I got to do it. So I'll often try and catch up on messages or emails in that time. And also I like to just walk.
Maybe I look like a psycho in the train station. I'm not sure, but I'll just walk to one end of the platform and then walk to the other end of the platform. Get in a kilometer in that eight minutes. It feels like long quarter in the train station. So yeah, I'll walk and email. Those are my two coping strategies.
Yeah, I've always got to have my Kindle tucked in my bag somewhere just in case I've got to whip it out and I'm in a queue or something where I have to wait and, you know, you just don't have to stand there like a lemon waiting for the train and you can sort of make the most of it and enjoy a good book or... read something or whatever so that's how I like to make the most of that dead time let's say okay Anna we're almost at the end of this episode but
One last question for you before I let you go. And I'm just wondering if you think that waiting can be a form of personal growth. Do you think that there is some value in waiting from time to time? Can it be an opportunity? for us to grow as people. What are your thoughts about that? Definitely. I think waiting is a really important lesson, actually. For example, when I started my podcast,
And at the beginning, I didn't have any listeners really. And over the years, you keep putting out the episodes and you're waiting for... a larger audience for example or you're waiting for that podcast to reach more people and it's a good lesson right because there are There are some things that happen very quickly and you can have quick successes or overnight successes, as they say. But actually, a lot of the time you have to wait. You have to put in the effort and then wait.
for what happens in the future. So I think absolutely waiting is a really good time to reflect and I don't think that people necessarily do it enough. But yeah, I do think waiting for things, it teaches you a good lesson is that things don't just happen the way that you want all the time. You can't just expect something to land on your doorstep or to happen straight away, even though sometimes those things do happen.
But it's not very common. But I think with social media and things like this, unfortunately, it feels like we can have things very quickly all the time, you know, and we can have all these quick wins and successes. But actually, a lot of it is just kind of...
doing a lot of work and then just waiting for what happens in in the future so yeah i think waiting is an important lesson and even when you're a kid right if you get everything that you want it doesn't really teach you anything but if you have to wait for that toy that you really want all year and you have to behave well all year and then your mom and dad might buy you that Barbie dollhouse. I think that teaches you something important. So yeah.
I think it can be really good for personal growth. What about you, Andrew? Do you agree? Do you have any other perspective? Yeah, well, first of all, just some vocabulary came to mind that I would like to share with our listeners. That is delayed gratification and instant gratification. So instant gratification is where you achieve something. or you get what you want right away and you feel satisfied right away. Gratification is kind of that sense of satisfaction.
The sense of I did it or I got what I wanted. So instant gratification is getting what you want right away. And delayed gratification is getting what you want. at a later time. And so building your podcast is a great example of delayed gratification. I think I felt that at Q loops before I felt that with my marathon running as well, right? I have goals that I want to set for myself in the.
marathon and they take a long time to achieve. It's not something that you can do right away, at least for me, maybe some. Skilled people can do it right away. But for me, it takes a long time and you put in that effort and that work and that time. And then eventually you can maybe hit your goal or achieve what you want to do. And then you feel.
amazing. So that delayed gratification can actually often feel better than instant gratification, right? Often we value things more that we get after a period of waiting and after a period of effort. I think that's the same as language learning too, right? I think a lot of listeners probably out there, I know it's not the same as maybe a marathon, right? There's not the same way to measure our... english learning growth or our second language learning growth as there is with like
a race where you can time yourself and you can see year after year how you improve your speed. I mean, I guess you could do like an English test or something, but it's difficult to measure our English speaking or our second language speaking in the same way that you could a marathon, for example, but still the same principle applies that we have to put in a lot of time and effort and practice, and it might be hard to notice our growth.
But if we're patient with ourselves, if we can wait, then eventually we can hit our goals and we can become the speakers and the English users that we want to be. Yeah, I think that's a great point, Anna, about instant gratification versus delayed gratification. And I'm right there with you that there's a ton of value in delayed gratification. It just feels better at the end of the day. Although...
I think a lot of our listeners out there, if they could snap their fingers right now and be perfect English speakers, I think almost everybody would do it. But got to be at least a few people out there who enjoy the grind and love the process.
That's a lovely word, actually, Andrew. Enjoy the grind. Just in case you don't know that, guys, it just means kind of enjoy the difficult work. The grind is like the day-to-day slog, the work that you have to do to get your... a goal or your objective you know learning languages is great once you get to that level where you can speak without thinking so much but you have to put in a lot of work to get to that point and that's the grind the slog
Well, it's that cliche, right? It's not the destination. It's the journey. And yeah, I don't know. I can see in the near future, maybe we could just get AI to feed us.
second language fluency, right? Anna, maybe you and I want to be perfect German speakers. We could just sort of put a little chip in our brain or spend some time with AI and then become perfect German speakers. But I bet... compared to somebody else who learned how to speak german and studied it for a long time and put in the time and put in the effort it wouldn't feel as good we'd be like okay we can do it but we wouldn't have that sense of satisfaction as achieving a difficult goal so
Yeah, interesting point there. But I think this is a good time to wrap up our conversation before we go off on a crazy tangent. I think I could talk about this topic for a long time. So I got to cut myself off here. But listeners, thank you for tuning into this episode and for studying English with me and Anna today. And of course, we'd love to hear what you have to say as well. Please join us over on our Discord server where we'll be continuing our conversation.
It's free to join and we have a wonderful community over there. Over 7,000 people now have joined our server and we're just having great discussions each and every day. The link to join the server will be in the description for this episode. And also don't forget, we have a helpful study guide and an interactive transcript available for this episode.
and all of our episodes for Qloops members. So if you want to sign up and become a Qloops member and get the guide, then just visit our website, qloops.com, and you can do that. Well, it's time for us to go. Anna, thank you so much. And we'll see you in the next episode. Thank you so much. See you soon, guys. Bye. Bye bye.