Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't - podcast cover

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

Tony Santorewww.spreaker.com
Why do some plants grow where they do? How can geology cause new plant species to evolve? Why are some plants pollinated by flies, some by bats, some by birds, and others by bees? How does a plant evolve to look like a rock? How can destroying lawns soothe the soul? This is a show about plants and plant habitat through the lens of natural selection and ecology, with a side of neurotic ranting, light humor, occasional profanity, & the perpetual search for the filthiest taqueria bathroom. 


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Episodes

Rio Grande Valley Botany with Ernest Herrera

In this episode we talk with field botanist Ernest Herrera about the rich floristic diversity of the Rio Grande Valley region of South Texas and Northern Mexico. We talk about a variety of cool plant species as well as the cultural history and cultural repression of this unique region, how it will adapt to climate change, how to change culture in order to get people to start appreciating their native flora more, how to convince people to kill their lawns, what happened to horned lizards, what's ...

May 25, 20241 hr 58 min

Central Texas Orchids, Limestone sinkholes, New Aster species

In this episode we talk about why plant "rescue" is a bullshit term, how Epipactis is probably pollinated hoverflies that it dupes, whats up with this new species of Asteraceae discovered in the Chihuahua desert, why people who don't know much about botany or ecology initially prefer non-native plants orver native ones, best place to get a Texas toast waffle machine, stealing a bus bin from Olive Garden, etc Note : I mistakenly say Deb "described" this new species of composite. I meant to say "d...

May 22, 20241 hr 52 min

Death Valley Botany with Matt Berger

In this episode we talk with Botanist Matt Berger about Death Valley Plants, discovering new species, Limestone endemic plants, Dune Beetles, Desert Shrimp, specifist.ecology and more.

Apr 30, 20242 hr 1 min

The Other 99% of Life on Planet Earth : Couch Microscopy with Dr. Julia van Etten

This conversation will make you want to buy a microscope and will make you rethink the way you envision the Tree of Life, where animals, plants and fungi are just a tiny speck on the overall tree of life. Dr. Julia Van Etten (of the @Couch Microscopy Instagram page) talks about what the hell a Protist is and where you can find them (everywhere). We reveal how Protists are the fine particles that weave within and throughout our world."The Tree of Life is Really a Web". The paper that the thumbnai...

Apr 23, 20242 hr 20 min

Western Railroading, Sobriety, & Male Archetypes

In this episode we take a break from botany-related content to talk with my friend and fellow former locomotive engineer and railroader Lance Jenkins about railroading, sobriety, sad male archetypes in the US, stealing overtime, precision scheduled railroading and how it's responsible for the wreck in East Palestine Ohio, "The Sun Train", and a whole lot more.

Apr 23, 20242 hr 14 min

Diatomaceous Earth, Horse Cripplers & Leaf Blowers

South Texas Sandsheet, Uvalde County Botany, Using a Leafblower & Diatomaceous Earth to rid yourself of crabs, what the sh*t is a Heterokont aka Stramenophile, Texas Men Will Be Able to Admit Having Feelings in 2028, and more

Apr 20, 20241 hr 23 min

Hunter Martinez aka Cactus Quest

In this episode we talk with Hunter Martinez of the Cactus Quest YouTube Channel about how he got into growing cacti from seed and lurking on them in habitat. We discuss the spirituality of loving plants and deserts, the pros and cons of the collector habit common among this family of plants, why so many cacti grow on limestone geology, and the benefits of growing from seed over purchasing full-grown plants.

Apr 13, 20241 hr 45 min

Riding Trains in Mexico, Contagious Native Plant Gardens,etc

A series of extended rants about "F*ck the Honeybees", trying to settle beefs between friends, Male Primate Rivalry, Riding Trains in Mexico in 2005 & Brakemen with gold fronts, spreading the cult of native plant gardening via demonstration by example and killing lawns.

Mar 30, 20241 hr 19 min

Instagram Drug Bros & Cactus Poaching

A long-winded rant about the social media phenomenon known as Instagram Drug Bros™️ and trying to encourage them to seek spiritual refuge (como se dice nice) in education about plant ecology and evolution rather than just the hoarding and collecting of plants that may have been sourced through somewhat unethical means. Why is plant habitat just as, if not more important than the plant itself? How is the ecological context in which a plant evolves inseparable from the plant itself? Can we get Ins...

Mar 22, 20241 hr 7 min

Desert Ferns with Dr. Michael Windham

This is a science-heavy episode with Dr. Michael Windham, specialist in Cheilanthoid Ferns curator at Duke Herbarium. Even if you're not interested in this group, they're a great case study in numerous fascinating phenomena including convergent evolution, biogeography (dispersal vs. vicariance), why DNA sequencing is important to taxonomy, self-cloning to escape the limitations of being a fern in a desert, etc. "Cheilanthoid Ferns" are a remarkable group of ferns - they grow in habitats where fe...

Mar 12, 20242 hr 4 min

An Undescribed Psilocybin sp. in the Desert

This episode consists of a rant about code-switching and friendship/cordiality through friction and being a pain in the ass, along with why dissecting flowers (and not just taking them at face value) with a razorblade or knife is important for understanding evolution, plant breeding systems and pollination ecology, what being "protogynous" is and why so many early-braching angiosperms do it, trying to offend advertisers, helping cacti bang in order to produce seed, and how an undescribed Gymnopi...

Mar 12, 20241 hr 5 min

Fighting Invasive Buffelgrass in Arizona & Restoring Desert Ecosytems

A conversation with Tony Figueroa, Senior Manager for the Invasive Plant Program at the Tucson Audubon Society (no affiliation with the National Org) about preventing Buffelgrass and Stinknet from smothering fragile Desert Ecosystems in Arizona. We also discuss why some in the "online permaculture community" (oh gahd) have such an aversion to any and all glyphosate use due to a misunderstanding about how it's used. Other topics include using an electric chainsaw to vandalizeCallery Pears and Cre...

Mar 04, 20241 hr 32 min

The Closing of Duke Herbarium

A conversation with Dr. Kathleen Pryer (Director, Duke University Herbarium) and Dr. Michael Windham, (Curator of Vascular Plants, Duke University Herbarium) about the University's Decision to cut costs by closing the herbarium as well as the general trend in modern US Academia of failing to recognize the importance of Botany in society as a whole as well as other attempts to defund it. We also touch on the cheilanthoid fern genus Gaga, named after both Lady Gaga and a section of the roughly 150...

Mar 01, 20241 hr 37 min

Baja Buckwheats, Railroad Stories & Prosopidastrum

Rants about encountering a cool new legume species in the fog deserts and giant cactus landscapes of Baja California, the diversity of perennial raaaaagweeds in the deserts, Gabbro soils, a buckwheat that produces flowers along the ground, Arugula acting invasive as hell in the Arizona Desert, escaping the cultural disease of Southern California, the oils and secondary metabolites of Eriodictyon sessilifolium, a Gymnopilus species that likely contains psilocybin and eats dead Ambrosia chenopodii...

Feb 27, 20241 hr 16 min

Annotated, Profanity-laden Dichotomous Keys & the Fungal Ecology of Baja Chaparral

A long, disjointed rant about using and writing Dichotomous Keys and why it's sometimes a process of grasping for straws or throwing a bunch of stuff to a wall to see what sticks, what an ideal floral key might look like if it were written by a neurotic, rambling schmuck fixated on ecology and biogeography. Other subjects include the gradation between ecotypes and species in Fremontodendron as well as the mycorrhizal associations found with Ornithostaphylos oppositifolia (Ericaceae, Arbutoideae)...

Feb 24, 20241 hr 31 min

Javelina Mngmnt, Restoration, & Peyote Vultures

More Deranged Rants, this time about Javelina Management, Getting City Approval for Cactus Restoration and Street Trees, growing endangered plants from seed, Eocene Sandstone, growing xeric ferns from spore, working the Ozol Local and running freight trains along San Francisco Bay and much more

Feb 08, 20241 hr 19 min

Limestone Desert Ferns, Montezuma Cypress on the Border

Rants about Montezuma Cypress on the Rio Grande, Cool Desert Ferns in West Texas and the Subfamily Cheilanthoideae of the fern family Pteridaceae, DEA permits for Peyote, Mountain Lions vs. Auodads, kind Caucasian Birders behaving at the Mexican border, funding the research station in South Texas with the nice bathroom, and more.

Feb 01, 20241 hr 5 min

Watering Before a Freeze, Goliad Gravels

Rants about South Texas Geology, Geologic Timeline Apps for your D@mn phone, why its better to water before a freeze, being dragged by a freight train leaving Ft. Worth Texas, how much self-hate someone must have in order to lower themselves to the point of patronizing Subway Sandwich shops, and more.

Jan 14, 20241 hr 13 min

Tucson Again, Agaves, Freezing in NM

Rants about freezing while trying to sleep in the back of a truck in Lordsburg, New Mexico, why Agaves are monocarpic, the importance of having a "target list" should you ever get diagnosed with a terminal illness, fruit dispersal in Frankenia johnstonii, how rhyolite is just like Satan's play-doh, the biogeography of peyote gourds (Lagenaria sp.), microdosing LSD in the arboretum, and more Thumbnail pic is Pellaea truncata (Pteridaceae)

Jan 06, 20241 hr 33 min

The Flower That Looks Like a Bird (especially if you're high) & other rants

A roughly 77 minute rant about how an Australian plant in the legume Family named Crotalaria cunninghamii "looks a like a bird" but only to humans who have smoked copious amounts of weed and certainly not as a product of natural selection, how glyphosate works and why it's the lesser of two evils when used for restoration and invasive plant management, and how dwarf ponies dressed in Hawaiian shirts could be used for the eradication of invasive grasses in desert habitats.

Dec 20, 20231 hr 22 min

How Do Chollas Bang

Michelle Cloud-Hughes is a Cactus researcher, botanist and Desert Rat who specializes in one of my favorite cactus genera - Cylindropuntia: the genus of the dreaded Chollas. She has described a new species of Cholla, Cylindropuntia chuckwallensis, and spent 2 decades trudging up mountains and rockscapes of the Mojave, Sonoran and Baja Desert. In this podcast we talk about how Chollas bang, why deserts are some of the best places to study plant evolution, and why the sh*t they can't put solar pan...

Dec 14, 20232 hr 4 min

Plant Anatomy with Jim Mauseth

Jim Mauseth is a wizard with a microscope and a retired professor of plant anatomy at UT Austin, where he taught for 30+ years. Jim is an expert in Plant Anatomy with an emphasis on Cacti. In this podcast we talk about anatomical adaptations of cacti and why palms are not true trees.

Dec 12, 20231 hr 34 min

Going to Jail for Botany

Dr. Peter Breslin is a Botanist out of Tucson Arizona specializing in Cacti, and recently did time in Brewster County Jail for "trespassing" to photograph some rare endemics that only grow on Novaculite (ancient biogenic silica) soils in West Texas. He also helped elucidate some of the evolutionary relationships between species that were formerly classified in the genus Mammilaria but are actually more closely related to the Baja genus Cochemiea, which specializes in hummingbird pollination. Thi...

Dec 05, 20231 hr 59 min

A Conversation About Peyote with Leo Mercado

A discussion about Peyote conservation being done by Morningstar Conservancy in Tucson, Arizona and the ethnobotany of the Peyote Meeting, as well as what it means to "listen to the plant".

Nov 26, 20231 hr 20 min

Dallas Plant Rescue & West Texas Dunes

In this episode we rant about : Rescuing and digging thin-soiled limestone prairie plants from a soon-to-be-destroyed site in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area weeks before the bulldozers come by to erect a data center or some other obscenity. Moth pollination in deserts, the chemistry and familiar smell of moth-pollinated flowers. West Texas sand dunes Limestome endemic plants like Encelia scaposa and Echinocactus horizonthalonius Limestone cacti in Southern Arizona, which is a landscape composed almos...

Nov 22, 20231 hr 38 min

Nuevo León & Tamaulipas Cactus Blitz

Jeremy Spath (owner of Hidden Agave nursery @hiddenagave) and Kevin Krucher (@crazy4cactus) talk about a recent trip through the states of Nuevo León, Tamaulipas and Coahuila to document and explore desert plants and their ecology, including tons of rare species like Lophophora williamsii, Stenocactus phyllacanthus, Astrophytum asterias, Obregonia denigrii, Ariocarpus scaphirostris, Agave Montana, Agave albopilosa and more.

Nov 16, 20231 hr 10 min

Poison Ivy Doesn't Wanna Hurt You

This entire podcast is about the Poison Ivy & Mango Family, Anacardiaceae. Susan Pell , Executive Director of the U.S. Botanic Garden & John Mitchell from the New York Botanic Garden both specialize in the systematics and phytochemistry of this incredible family of plants. In this episode we talk about the active compound in Poison Ivy, Urushiol, as well as some of the cool adaptations that dryland and desert-adapted members of the family have evolved to cope with their unique environmen...

Nov 15, 20231 hr 28 min

The Conspiracy to Drain The Great Salt Lake

In this episode we talk with Zach Frankl from www Utahrivers.org about the (intentional ) crisis afflicting the Great Salt Lake and why one of the largest inland bodies of water in the world may soon cease to exist, all to enrich lobbyists and feed a sprawling mass of suburban lawns and Alfalfa. More info at : www.4200GSL.org and www.UtahRivers.org

Nov 13, 20231 hr 37 min

A Conversation with Doug Tallamy

Doug Tallamy is an entomologist, professor, and the author of a number of books, including "Bringing Nature Home" & "The Nature of Oaks". He has been instrumental in educating people about Native Plants and why removing lawn to plant native plants and restore habitat is essential to mitigating ecological - and civilizational - collapse. Check out www.homegrownnationalpark.org to learn more.

Nov 06, 20231 hr 7 min

Make Your Own Soil & KILL YOUR LAWN

Jeremy Tidd runs Bona Terra Nursery, a native plant nursery in the DC area that grows native plants and also does native landscape installations for people looking to kill their lawns. In this episode we talk about making your own potting soil and fertilizer, using local native ecotypes, regional ecology and the native plant movement in the DC area.

Oct 30, 20231 hr 31 min
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