True ROARmance

him a bigger pair of the old family jewels. Joining me today to discuss all things romance are the hosts of the podcast True Romance, Devin Leary and Carolina Barlow. Hello, how are you? Thank you for having us. It's good to see you, guys. I know your podcast very intimately because I edit it. So it's nice to talk to you guys, because sometimes you'll sit like, say hi Katie in the in the edit and I cut it all out and I'm like, hi, guys, but you can't hear me.

So you know you're the only one who knows the true us with all our likes and literally ease, and this is true sometimes we have to say, Katie, we're so sorry, we're you have to cut this out. Please you understand, sorry for rambling, Thank you so much. Recordings, sometimes we go off about Ryan Adams and we have to cut the entire thing. Yeah, sometimes it's a whole episode that we have to cut about Ryan Adams. It's true, that's absolutely true, and that's the real victories that I

get to enjoy it. But yeah, today we're going to talk about animal romance on your show. You guys like to talk about more, I would say more human focused romance, your own romantic life and stories. It's almost nine human romance. So this is not a topic we've dealt into before, which is exciting, right, We're I'm just expanding your horizons to non human romance. Yes, I thought the sexiest thing to talk about at first would be snails. Notably hot, Yes,

famously hot, famously hot. It's something about the eyes, tucks, I think, Oh, I always forget those are eyeballs. I remember the first time I saw a snail killed with salt, and it haunted me for the rest of the day. No, that's a slug, isn't it. I think they can both. They can both get hurt. So this is already drama. Okay, so we're already in a fight and it's ruining our relationship. Okay, she said it was a slug, but I remember it well.

Slugs and snails are closely related. They're both gastropods. It's just snails. They got that shell, yeah, met gala shell. Yeah. I think it's it's interesting because a lot of people hate slugs but don't mind snails, and it really is all about that shell. All about that shell is Megan Trainers next song. So land snails are hermaphroditic, meaning that they have both male and female gonads that they can use interchangeably. So it is very interesting. When they're courting

each other. They will circle around one another, touching their tentacles or ey stocks together, and very very romantic, very sensual for many species of land snail. At this point, one of the snails will pop a horn out of their head like some kind of sexy unicorn, and this is called a love dart. That's sweet. I like unicorns. I like unicorns. I think that's very generous to the snail that you reference the unicorn in relation to them.

I mean, it's in every way it's like a unicorn, except the body, the size, the having of legs and hoofs, the for the mythical aspect, the mythic the ability to ride, the lack of sliminess. I mean, other than that, it's perfectly like a unicorn. Yeah, totally. So that love dart really does look like a unicorn horn coming right out of its head. And it's actually typically made out of the same material as its shell, which is calcium carbonate.

So it's this sort of tough, porcelain like material and it will thrust that love dart into its mates body, which sounds horrifying, but no, it's all done for. It sounds like my Wednesday night to We've all done it. We've all had love darts in us at some point, right eensive shell. Yeah, you're lucky not miss political climate. Back in the golden age of love darts, you could just you could just dart whenever you wanted to dart.

But before the core, we were all thrust in love darts in each other and it was beautiful and it's one of the biggest things I miss about life before. So the love dart is actually covered in a mucous substance I know you guys thought it couldn't get better, but of course it gets better. It's covered in mucus hotter, hotter, hotter, and hotter. That causes the receiver of the love dart to be more receptive to sperm, preventing the sperm from

being digested inside the recipient's body. So it's basically like circle, circle, dot dot. Now you've got a love shot and you won't digest my sperm, so hopefully the sperm will fertilize your egg. The second part doesn't rhyme, but yes, it's like, but if we're gonna do circle circle, if we're talking science, we gotta say circle dot Diana rhyme. Yeah, that's like milk, milk, lemonade around the corner, fudge is made. That works scientifically,

that works. Yeah, that's actually what my doctor says. That is taught in Harvard evolutionary biology courses. That is what's taught. Lest do you think that it's terribly unfair for one snail that is getting stabbed with this love dart. It's a mutual exchange of love darts. This is an equitable snail society. Have you seen what that snail was wearing? Carol, you can't say I'm getting political, Carol, my edgy snail humor. The snail is not on trial here. I would love

to see. This is classical, it would be so I would I would love to see snail Amanda Knox. Yeah, jury has been deliberating for over two days and uh some and the jury hasn't even gone back into its chambers yet, one of them still lagging behind. What if their chambers are just their shells. They're like, we're waiting for Steve and they're like, Steve, we need your vote, and He's like, you guys, one second, listen. I actually completely forgot that snails are slow until Carolina just said that.

Now I feel like I've missed out on so much material that I could have been joking about. I've just been thinking about these snails zipping around. I've been writing all morning. Caroline has been like doing slow snail material for the place. I gotta push it. They wish they could hustle, but they can't because they're slow. Like A Bug's life is one movie. But if I'm going to make an eight mile version that's called the snails Hustle, it's very A star is born it's very um hustle

and flow. I like this a lot, hustle and slow. It's good. Hus The next Pixar animated movie about a sexy hermaphroditic snail going up and going up in the world. So back to the snails stabbing each other lustfully. The snails will exchange their love darts stabbing each other. Uh. And then once they're done stabbing each other, they will push their gonads against each other. They both have penises, and they will push their penises into one another, exchangeing sperm.

And this can last up to six hours, depending on the species. So for her must be nice, sorry Lina, good for him and her at the same time, both good for all of them. I haven't heard the term gonads since I think eighth grade. I'll get used to it. I know I'm gonna bring it back. We're bringing it back. Stop trying to make go nuts happen. So I do want to say that male black widows twerk to avoid

being eaten. And yeah, so as you may know, there's a large size difference between male black widows who are tiny and females who are gigantic compared to them. Story of My Love life story of me trying to put on my ex boyfriend's jeans. Sorry continue, Carolina has just got this like little little guy just kind of trying to crawl up her shoulder. Oh my god. I once hooked up with a guy who was like a lot shorter than me, and it was like I was a jungle gym and he was like a child. Wow did

he was awful? He twerked to make sure you didn't mistake him for a prey adem yes, because exactly, Oh, we are both spiders at the time, right, I mean, it's like he's got it. He's gotta let you know. No, I'm not a snack. I mean I am a snack, but just not in that way. You know, snack another term that we used to love. It was good. Caroline was really calling me out for like using snack and gonad and I feel I love attacked. It's a memory, Lane.

I I just I mean, I haven't been out in public in a year, so it's just exciting to talk to two humans right about going ads? Like has uh just found out about Urban Dictionary yesterday, so she's having She's she's been looking at the etymology of of all slang terms and it's a bit tough to have a conversation like every other stard just yeah, yo, did you know yot is like the past participle of eat? I actually did not know that in the Amish on my

sh slang. Yeah, that has yoked my sheep exactly. Now you owe me your daughter's hand in marriage, you see, That's what I missed. I feel like that is like the romantic life I need. Actually a funny story which checks out with what Carolina just said is that one time, one time we tried to record an intro of our podcast True Romance, So I said, how are you doing? Carolina?

And she goes, do you ever just wish that you could live a simpler life like I am like moving and I just wish I just had a few items that I could be happy with instead of all this stuff that means nothing. And I was like, let's do another take. I guess I literally said, I actually don't know how to respond to that. Carolina is just trying to go off the grid. Do you ever just think

it all means nothing? Do you ever just want to like get just a hatchet and flint and go out and just go out and see what happens in the Appalachian Mountains. I mean, yeah, it's appealing. You can't deny the glamping appeal. But to bring it back to spider twerking, because honestly, I think that people come on here. They've come here for the spider twerking to see. It's luscious,

little little booty go at it. The thing is that males are so small that female black widows could easily mistake them as prey as they crawl over their web. So the females sense vibrations in their web and that's how they can tell that they've caught something. But the male stands the risk of walking over the web. The females like, oh, vibrations, that means a snack, I eat it immediately. No sex happens, It's sad, it's a tragedy.

So the male twerks rhythmically to create a very specific vibration that the female black widow recognizes as a male. So instead of like, oh, this is food, it's like, oh no, this is the way a boy. Oh boy, um only maybe food, So it's and then that way the male can communicate to the female that hey, I'm I'm here for sex, not not necessarily to be food for you, and she will respond with some tuerking of

her own. I just love that. It's sort of this, like you know this this dancer that that's like, hey, don't eat me, I want a blank you It's it's yeah. I mean it reminds me a lot of my two instincts in life, which is to fall in love but also to have a meal. And I feel like sometimes those are at odds with each other. Sometimes you are hungry. Sometimes I'm on a date and I know I shouldn't eat too much if we're going to hook up after, but a girl's gotta eat, and both senses, you know,

and both meanings of the term. I feel like you'd love to be a spider, and I'm not. I don't mean this as an insult at all. I just so rude. I just think that you'd like the spider lifestyle. Black shiter black widows and other spiders do sometimes engage in sexual cannibalism. It's not true that It's not true they always do it. Like North American black widows often allow their mate to leave alive. But sometimes you know, you're just hungry and he's right there, and he's small he's

the size he's easily fits in your mouth. And you know, I mean, we are saying so much right now, and I think I am going to speak about my godmother, Samantha from the show Sex in the City, who said I'm a tri sexual. I'll try anything once, and I think cannibalism is fine. I'm willing to go out there. That's my take. That's my one issue I have, and then I have a question, go for it. I'm ready. Number one. I am terribly afraid of all bugs and

phobic of all bugs except for spiders. I can't explain why, but if I see a spider, I don't get distressed at all. If I see like a beetle, I am so disgusted that I actually gag like I have had gag reflex at the side of a bug. I don't know why. And I have at times seen a bug in a room, closed the door and just don't go in that room for a long time. Um, so that's any problem in my life. I just shouted out. One time I called my mom because I had closed a beetle in a room, and I was like, what do

I do? And she was like, I don't know, so I was like, Okay, I guess I'll just go to bed and leave it there. Um. Now that's how I do deal with like emails I don't want to respond to. I just shut my computer and then yeah, it disappears.

It will die here. Yeah, right. Second of all, I feel for this male spider because I imagine his life is much like my boyfriend's life, which is that I have created such an intricate web of emotional turmoil that if he steps in the wrong way on any territory, whether it's talking about it doesn't matter what it is, that he's always one vibration away from triggering my insanely sensitive emotional state and me being like, wait, you don't

think I'm a hard worker. You don't think I'm independent, Like you don't think I'm doing a good job, but like I'm trying, and like I know that, like I you know, it's like I'm doing the best I can. I know you're better than me, and it's like whatever. So that's his experience, and so I sympathize with this spider similar experience. We have to walk on eggshells literally I mean not literally, I guess actually, but figuratively, yes, I mean it's it is that is very similar spider.

This is the kind of This is the story for a lot of spider species. Often the female is big and hungry and the male is tiny and and very probably taste very good, and so the males are always delicately stepping on their web like hey, hey, hey, I'm I'm here, you know, for sex not to get eaten. And she's always like one bad from like biting his head off, which you know. I feel bad for spiders

because they have a bad rap. And I even every time I see when I think that, I think, oh my god, if anyone else were here, they would kill you. But I feel for you, and I know that you're partly here to help me maintain my house, and so I want to let you live, so I always try to take them outside. I really am like a good person. And is another example of how like different from other people. I'm a peacemaker. You're a hero when you really think about it, you are a hero. You know. I love spider.

I don't even have to think about it for that long. No, no, no, it's just it's your instinct is to nurture spiders, which thank you, I guess I have like a Jesus complex. Yeah, your spider Jesus, is the black widow actually really poisonous? It is. Yeah, you don't want to get bitten by a black widow. It probably won't kill you. I think there's this perception that, um, well, it's not it's not poisonous. This is annoying. I hate to be a pendant here. No,

I love it. But it's actually venomous because venom is like injected into you, like a bite is venomous. Poison is something you eat and get sick. So um, and then toxic just refers to both and Carolina I know toxic Carolina's personality. I can talk on top. But a black widows bite is venomous and it doesn't generally kill people.

I mean, in very rare cases it can, and it's for like children it's more dangerous, but mostly it results in just a big welt or potentially like you know, some light necrosis, not I don't know, like you should go to the doctor, if you should go to the dog. I'm saying it's bad and you should go to the doctor. But they do kind of get a bad rap. They're also very shy. They don't like to bite people so often it's like you accidentally corner one, like it's in

your shoe or glove. Again, don't worry about this happening too much. But if it does happen, do go to the doctor. Anyways. Yeah, I think that's pretty awesome that, like I love I just love torking spiders. Uh. And my favorite spiders actually are jumping spiders, which our whole family of spiders that are both adorable. They're really beautiful spiders, and they all almost all of them have some kind

of elaborate dance. Uh. This time I'm going to talk about the cosmo phases Umbrattica, which is a tropical jumping spider that likes to wave around naturally occurring glow sticks and dance like it's in a rave. So was canceled. Yeah, this is like this is like Spider Coachella, Spider Burning Man all combined. Yeah. Probably, unfortunately, I mean it it is very flashy. They are a little itty bitty spider found in the tropics of Southeast Asia. Males have its Yes,

let's let's call it etsy bitsy. Let's say that it is. The size is about itsy bitsy. The reason I say itty bitty and not as specific size as I couldn't find a specific size. I'm gonna say it's smaller than a fingernail though. So. The males have colorful, bright peacock blue and iridescent green stripes. Females are a pretty but kind of less flashy green color males. Males are the ones that like to show off. We all cheah, yeah, yeah, men, you're on notice you hear that. Yeah, we called you

out man. We'd go to sixty nine comments on the podcast. I liked the podcast a lot better before it became radically feminist. Oh god, that's what they always say about. But yeah, these male jumping spiders, Uh. In addition to being very pretty like little peacocks, also have another trick up their sleep, which is that they can reflect UV light, making them glow to other spiders who can see UV lights.

So we can't necessarily see it unless we reflect UV light off of them, but the other spiders see them and it looks like they're glowing. And they have these little things called pet palps, which are those little arms, you know, in front of their mouths that they can move like. I think they're cute. Uh, they're just there. I'm actually doing it right now. I know the users can't see, but it's for Caroline, and but it's adorable.

It's very cute. I look like a little spider. I'm moving just my little fingers in front of my mouth and that's that's what it looks like. But those little petal palps actually glow you v lights, so they can like do a little rape like and like move them around rhythmically, and that attracts the females. So yeah, it's and they also are drummers. They like to drum sound

and familiar ladies. Who sounds like every boy named Logan actually, so I was pretty close to joining a band, but then, um yeah, I just kind of like got distracted by my dad's dream that he's making me live for him, so you know, see him. Brettica does not have a non scientific name yet. It doesn't have like a nickname, and I would like it to be Logan. I would. Yeah. Even though every species has its own mating ritual, when it comes to sex itself, it's all pretty much the same, right.

The male inserts his mating apparatus into the female's mating apparatus and deposits his sperm. Well, listeners of the show not it's not nearly this simple. There are many different ways sex can occur, including the way neo trogla bark lies do it. Neo Trogla are little flea sized insects that live in Brazil and feed on bat poop and caves. They're already living a pretty great life, but wait until

you hear about their sex lives. Neo Trogla females have something called a gynosome, a long penis like organ that they use in mating. They insert their gnosome into the male's reproductive cavity and while suck up a seminal fluid and sperm like it's a straw. Gives a whole new meaning to that milkshake song. When we turn work talking about some very anorous avians, there's just no end to what a bird will do to find a mate. Birds

of paradise are perhaps the most showy examples. There are at least forty two species of birds of paradise, each more flamboyant and festive than the next. To cover them all, i'd need a hundred hours of podcast, so we'll just visit a few with some of the most enticing antics. So I do want to talk about birds. Now, I do love birds. Uh. They are sexy, they are hot, they are they have swagger, and they know how to seduce.

I think they are one of the better lovers of the animal kingdom and one of the most incredible birds in terms of just showmanship are birds of paradise. So I want to talk talk about just a few of those. So first is the twelve wired birds of Paradise that are found throughout forests in Indonesia, New Guinea and solid Waddy Island. And they're about the size of a kitten. I'm like, I'm trying to, like a small kitten, I'm trying to size things relatively again, because I couldn't I

couldn't like find an exact measurement of it. And I also feel like it's more visceral, Like now you're holding this bird like a little kid, like a little kitty, like a little kid, like a little kit Yeah, against your boosum, just cuddling it. So females have black heads, red eyes, and rusty, reddish brown bodies. They're just kind of normal looking birds. But males, I mean, this is the case with a lot of bird species, not all, but many the females just kind of look like whatever.

They didn't try very hard, but the males are. They have been up since like six am getting their outfit together. So males are black with red eyes and bright highlighter yellow feathers along his flanks and long black wire like feathers that stick out from his butt. And I'm assuming there's like twelve of these wire feathers because it's name

the twelve Wired Bird of Paradise. So you know, I think it looks a little cyber goth, kind of half dresses goth, but then you also have like neon highlights, and I mean cybergroth feels like a late nineties early Odds look, right, was it? I can't be that old. I know people were doing it when I was in high school. Yeah, I mean that was like two thousands, right, Yeah, yeah, you made me feel like early odds. It makes me

feel like I'm a settler. I'm the old last from the settlers, and in one way or another, in one way or another, but yeah, sure. But males really try to impress the females, and they do it by shoving their butts in their faces in what is called a wire wipe display, which sounds very central, very sexy. They've bent over to show off their yellow highlights to the female and then they swish their wire filments in the female's face, like tickling her face with their weird like

butt eyelashes. Now that's where I'm talking about. Yeah, this is how guys. Take note again, this is how you talk to women. You push their butts in their faces and you tickle our noses with your just be clear. Yeah, and if the female is interested, she is super into it. She will like put her head into those butt wires like she loves it. It's like a nice I don't know, she's enjoying the face tickling. It's a fetish guys, and

we can't kin shame here. Especially I wouldn't know or if anything, I'm going to welcome it into my um. I think this is cool because I hate when people play games, and I just feel like they're not playing games. They're texting back right away, they're but wiring right away, They're enjoying the face tickle right away. There's no maybe there's no one word response, there's no you know whatever it is, restraining order. All this stuff that guys do to like confuse me and I'm just like, can you

just clear? Yeah? Birds of Paradise? They do. It is very direct. It's hey, would you like this? Would you like look at my eardescent? But do you like it? And the female is either yes or no? And then if the female's yes, he's like, great, let's let's mate like right here and right now, and she's like, great, I love it. And there's another bird of paradise that has really sort of the gentleman's version of the butt wires. This is the Wilson's bird of Paradise. It's found in Indoness.

Also about the size of a small cuton, so cute. It's got a bright red cape, bright blue head, green mouth, iridescent green belly, blue feet, and violet tail. Feathers that curl into the shape of a cartoonish snidily whiplash curly mustache. It's like their butt's got a little curly handlebar mustache. And it's and who doesn't love a mustache? Yeah, but is like a hipster. And then the back is more of an artist look right, like a vampire cost player too,

like a carpenter, like a handsome carpenter. It is really you know who that was Jesus was a handsome that he was handsome and a carpenter. So like Jesus, they clear away a stage on the forest floor. That's I guess that's not like Jesus. But who's to say. We don't know everything about Jesus. We only have one book about him. We only have one book about him. There's no documentary. Right, I'm gonna say Jesus hates leaves and like to clear away the forest floor in order to

show off their mating dance. In fact, like these birds of Paradise that clear off the forest floor in order to show off their mating dance. They are so anal about it that like if you throw interesting look, you know, I'm not saying. I'm not implying anything other than that they are very persnicketty. They do have a mustache on

their butt, but that doesn't mean anything necessarily. But David Attenborough was trying to get a video of one of these birds of Paradise, and in order to get the bird to come out of hiding, he threw some leaves in its staging ground and the bird, like in exasperation, was like oh my god, and came out and like cleared away the lead was like he was like, now I had to do Forest of Management. Yeah, this is the president suggested exactly. So now we know Addenburrow was

a total phony and everything was okay, catfish. This is like when I found out The Hills was scripted. That was a rough day for all of us. David Attenborough famous jerk to birds. So yeah, but then once they get out there, this Wilson's Word of Paradise will dance like a robot. They'll show off their great green mouth, great Jesus bright green mouths, which I was going to assume that that was some like term. Yeah, I was like, sure,

great brain mouth, Yeah, no it is. It's a it's actually very smart that I say that, very very distinguished words distinguished. Yes, there's another bird of Paradise called the six plumed Bird of Paradise, which is found in New Guinea. And he at first just doesn't seem that impressive. He's just sort of a jet black, like a crow or a raven. He's got some fancy filaments on his head, like some fancy head donggles, which are kind of cool,

I guess, and he's got these piercing blue eyes. So it's like he's kind of neat, but he's like not that flashy. It's like, okay, you're a bird of paradise. You you don't really look like it. But once he clears away his dance platform, he um will call to summon females, and then he pops out a cape of feathers that runs all the way around his neck and

turns himself into an umbrella. Like it's literally normal looking burden then umbrella, and he starts walking around dancing and then reveals this like brightly colored yellow neon yellow and green iridescent feathers on his throat that are so shiny and iridescent they kind of look like sequence, and he's flapping those. There's something so I think charming about how hard they try. I feel like if a guy full on turned into an umbrella just for me, he's at

he's at least worth a callback. It very much sounds like a cool, nuanced Lady Gaga VMA's performance, which I'm obviously all four. So I love big romantic gestures. I never get them, and I'm really looking for that for my next partner. I love um umbrellas. I love a

guy holding an umbrella for me. Another romantic gesture. Obama does it for Michelle and his daughters, and you know, that's a very like if he's if he is the umbrella, that's even more romantic because he's like, I will shield you from the rain, but I'm the umbrella, so I'm getting wet, but I don't care. Like when a guy I think an old movie is like a guy would throw his coat down over a puddle so a woman could walk across it. And obviously that's very unnecessary, but

still waste of alorus. It actually seems she could. She could step over the puddle. That's the thing that gets me, Like she could probably, like if it's only takes a coat, you know, to traverse the puddle, Like she could step over it or just find a place where there's not a puddle. And it's just the like the rush to like, hey, I'm gonna just like, oh, let's walk near this puddle so I can just start throwing my clothing into it getting somebody And I hate it. That sounds crazy, but

I love it that sounds romantic. The next time I come across a puddle, I'm just going to stare at my boyfriend until he does something right. Yeah, exactly, And if it's not disrobing and throwing all of his belongings into the puddle, then it should be him laying down into that puddle and letting you walk across on top of him. Correct personally, like, I'm not going to judge your relationship, but that's what I would want. I demand nothing less than he laid down on the puddle and

let me walk across his face exactly. One way that birds show affection is by kissing. Most parent species like a little bit of mouth to mouth love resuscitation, if you know what I mean. And what better way to cap off a kiss them with some good old fashioned regurgitation. That's right. Parents love to show their love by regurgitating

food into each other's mouths. Sharing is carrying, and a good amount of regurgitated food informs the female that the male could provide for her and her chicks a nothing hotter than a dad bought and some dad vomb. When we return, we're going to talk a little bit about rodent sperm. Everyone's favorite topic. Rodent sperm. It's serious business. Sperm is one of the most diverse types of cells in nature, and studying different types of sperm can tell

us a lot about biodiversity. Sperm isn't always as simple as a little balloon attached to a tail, and there are surprisingly innovative or weirdly defunct sperm floating out there, especially with as divers a group of animals as rodents. So, guys, I wanted to do like a brief interlude about rodent sperm. Are you on board? Obviously, Devin, I just talking about that before this podcast. Okay, I hope it's not like too boring then, because like you guys have already talked,

we've already gone over like rodent sperm. But it's actually so fine. There's nothing really related to rodent sperm that we don't know about. But I'm really sorry. I kind of I wanted to keep it fresh, but I should have known better than you. Should have found a more niche topic like this than the well trodden path of rodent sperm. It's all over the news, well naked mule rats have mutants sperm um uh. One of my favorite

science writers, Ed Young, who writes for National Geographic. He I just love that he's like unapologetically like here's here's just the weirdest, like mutant naked mule rat sperm that you'll ever it's disgusting. I love it, you know, you guys kind of know what naked muleratt is there, the little like penile looking him possible yet looking looking underground rodents. They live in colonies. They have a queen and they sort of like live in a colony structure like ants

or bees. Um. And they don't feel pain in their skin, which their skin sort of looks like a foreskin, not not sort of exactly looks like a foreskin very much. Um. And they have, in addition to all their other fine qualities, they have weird mutant garbage sperm that's almost shaping you know. Like remember the Simps. I love since Simpson's callbacks. They're always so funny. Do you remember thought you were going to say the Sims And I was like, yeah, do

you have an hour? Because I love killing Sims. It's so naughty, but I love it. You mean putting walls around them and then setting a fire, Yeah, making them pee themselves. It's so naughty and bad. I love it. But yeah, no, I love the Simpsons. It was I think a funny show, but I think that I think so too. Okay, okay, guys aren't crazy with these statements. I would be careful, like you guys are making some

bold statements. Okay, but there's this scene where it's like shows Homer's sperm and how like messed up they are from the nuclear plant and they're all just walking into each other and like have like two like three heads and stuff. That's naked mule rat sperm. They have, Like some of the sperm like has like two heads. Some of the sperm has like weird cone shaped heads and like, um the tail, you know how like the sperm it's like the head and then the tail, and the head

contains the DNA and the tail propels it forward. And the tails are like really skinny, and they don't have this extra sheath that most mammalian sperm has, so like it's very weak and so it like barely moves forward. In fact, only one to fi of their sperm can actually swim. It's the owest of any mammal sperm. It's I'm calling it out. I'm calling out naked mole rat sperm is being the worst. I'm sorry I have to say this about naked mole rats, and that's I'm an

animal lover. I think about animals all the time. I like looking at pictures of animals. I really do, just like get so much peace from them, and I feel like there's a butt coming. There is. But when I first saw a picture of a naked moulerat my initial thought was biology has failed them. No no, no, no, no no. And then when you described it as penal, I imagined, well, what if that's penis what penises look like? And again the major thought I had was no, no, no, no, no.

Penises don't have little teeth. Um. I mean, I've definitely seen one, so I'm gonna have some tough conversations. Anyways, They're a weird, mutant looking animal and their sperm is weird and mutated, but it ends up all being fine because in their colonies, the queens are the only ones who made and the so there's the queen and the concert and they're the only breeding pair in the whole colony, so there's no competition, and it's just this mostly not

that crowd. I mean, have you seen her. She's stunning and huge and engorged with babies. Ah, that is an incentive for birth. I think that this is another flaw of the Disney channel added to the list under a Nazi founder. Okay, they made Rufus the Naked molerad and kimpossible. Seems so cute, like a cute little pink guy, right, and then you google it and you see that's not at all what they look like. It's like Instagram and then a screenshot from a video. It's just not raistic.

Their sperm doesn't need to compete because there's just no other males that they have to compete with. Then when you compare that to mice, like the deer mice are very promiscuous, cute little mice, which I I like most of the time. Sperm is like every sperm for itself, but like in this case, there's way too much competition with other mice here, Like there's so much sperm going on, too much drama. We got a team up, we gotta form,

you know, a rowing team. And I feel like again another movie idea, like a rowing team of sperm that is like they're kind of the underdog. There's already one in development. Damn, God, damn every time, all right, every time, I know every time, I'm like the story every day, the story of the little like hookworm that tries to in. It's like no already, yeah, a large bit of more Amazon, got it, damn it? I guess how much? For thirty

million dollars? Oh is this going to be in the new Lord of the Rings because they did say they're adding sex to it, which I'm excited for. It's going to be a spinoff or a shoot off. I can't wait to see what they do about like tree in those big walking trees and they just like I guess, are gonna bone. I mean, there is such a thing as too much sex in fantasy worlds, and I think we all have to look to a Game of Thrones

to see that. Yeah. Yeah, I only saw Lord of the Rings when my brother tricked me and said we were going to see Harry Potter and instead we saw Lord of the Rings, and so I don't remember anything because I was crying and complaining the whole time. Nice.

So I went to The Lord of the Rings intentionally because you know, that's you can imagine what I was like in middle school, I'm sure, and I had like a belt that had like beads and like shiny sequence on and in my little dumb middle school or head, I was like, I'm gonna wear this belt, and one of the creators of Lord of the Rings is gonna be in the audience looking first someone who has the fashion sense to be in the next Lord of the Rings,

and they're gonna look at this and they're gonna be like, Wow, that's a very elvish looking belt. I'm gonna cat us this stupid little girl in the next Slur of the Rings as an elf. You know what's wrong with Hollywood is that they don't do stuff like that when they have it in their power. No, Peter, just my cool belt, Peter Jackson. You have this in your power. You can make dreams come true, and yet you choose not to. Yeah, all I can say is big, big loss on their part,

But whatever, it's too bad. The last fact of the day before we we go is that my study yogurt have bigger balls, like their balls get bigger. What kind of yogurt probiotic yogurt? I think it's Chobani. Non coincidentally, we are sponsored this week by Cho Chobani for big balls for go nets. It's gonna be a bunch of guys listening to this, just like furiously reaching for yogurt and like like dunking their face in it, trying to

get Jim gets those those big balls. But searchers were not explicitly trying to find out if yogurt would cause mice balls to get bigger. They're trying to see, like how it affected rates of cancer and rates of obesity. But they did find out that more yogurt creates big, juicy mouth balls, also silky shiny first. So you know, guys, if you want silky hair and I guess big balls, you heard it here. First, eat a lot of yogurt, Eat a lot of yogurt, and watch movies with your

girlfrid do it. You gotta watch at least one Meg Ryan movie a week. Science says, So, I mean, this has only been proven in mice, but there are some, guys, some preliminary studies that do show that eating yogurt may help with sperm quality in human men. This is like when I used to drink soy milk in middle school because I read that soy milk has estrogen that makes your boobs big. Yeah, that's like why I'm still drinking storm up. Well, guys, thank you so much for joining

me today. I think this is a real katie. This is a really romantic, sweet episode. I think sexy. I think it makes us seem all very alluring. Yes, it's like you know, that's what you want in a podcast, to leave the listeners with them. Wow. I gosh, they sound very appealing to me, and I never thought of that. I hope listeners out there are thinking, I thought I tried everything, but looks like I didn't. I'm gonna try some my butt in her face and tickle her nose.

I have to say thank you, Katie for all the work you do. I True Romance and if you want to listen to True Romance, it's on I Heart Radio, I Heart Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Katie, thank you for this science lesson. And I hope that when they make the reboot of Lord of the Rings that you wear your belt and go to the theater if we're allowed to go to theaters by then. And

I hope someone's there. I hope Lego Loss is there and he sees you in it and he says, let's crack on, and then you guys go do the bellish smashing in it. I hope Orlando Bloom is Austin Powers by the time you see and he's like in it, smashing more characters, more characters. I want I want there to be the Rowing Team of Sperm. I want the Wink of Us Twins of Sperm to be in the next These are all ideas. These are all ideals, free ideas. Just what are you listening? Not not to this podcast? Yeah?

But thank you? Yeah, definitely check out True Romance. You guys will not believe what gets left on the cutting room floor incriminating evidence. Let's just say I have had to call the police numbers of times, a number of times. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. If you're enjoying the show, please leave a writing review. Press all the stars. Even if your name is we'd gocoust six nine, I still want to hear what you have to say more than anyone. Thanks to the Space Classics

for their super awesome song. X Alumina. Creature features a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts like the one you just heard, visit the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts, or Hey guess what? Where have you listen to your favorite shows? Wherever? That might be through a shell on a beach, whatever it is. Um You can find us at Creature Feature Pod on Instagram at Creature feat Pod. That's f e a T, not f ET.

That is something very different. On Twitter and as always, I am Katie Golden on Twitter if you want to check out my Katie thoughts. And I am also at Pro Bird Rights where I fight for the rights of birds to you know, rule over a with an iron wing, iron wings. Yes see you next Wednesday.