The Nose Knows!

the angel question why are bats? I mean, why are why are bats? Joining me today to get nosy our podcasters and comedians David Bell and Hannah Michael's welcome. Hello, Hey, how are you? I'm good. How are you guys? I'm quite well, I'm sleepy. Well, yeah, you guys? Are you guys? Are you like cryptids? Right? That's correct? Yep, Rather I do, and I made you that's correct. I don't not like cryptids. I've watched a lot of the X Files, right, I

think you guys, aren't. You aren't quite at the level of you are blogging about it seven swearing that by God you will have your revenge on Bigfoot if it's the last thing you do. But you're between that and being like uninterested nonbelievers, encrypted right, It's it's somewhere between there. Right. Yeah, I would say I don't believe in most of them, but that's part of my fascination. Right, That's part of what makes Bigfoot cool is that, like Bigfoot is our

reckoning with where we came from. Yeah, we were nothing but mammals. So let's do it like we do it on the Discovery Channel. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, But I want to talk to you guys about a very special cryptid when it comes to evolutionary biology, called the nosewalker cryptids or rhino Graddentsha. So I've never heard of these. I'm so excited. Yes. So they are a group of animals that German zoologist Gerald Steiner created or are they secretly

real and the FBI just doesn't want us to know? Okay? Now, they were invented with the intention of being very silly but to mimic serious scientific description. In fact, Steiner's descriptions of these animals are so formal sounding and so scientific that they have been accidentally republished as real animals by unwitting journalists and people who will sometimes mistakenly believe they're real,

even though they are absolutely ridiculous. So Steiner wrote the book The snow Form in Life of the Rhino Grades, in which he describes a hundred and thirty fake species of snouters and loving fake scientific details. I love it. So wait, this is just a maniac Yeah, okay, most crypt did start with just some maniac We just did Luckness. That was definitely a maniac. Yeah, well there was the family who saw it across the road and then and then it became a maniac um. He thinks Hitler killed Lackness.

It sounds correct. Damn it like that sounds like something Hitler would do. I'm very tired just in general. Actually, I think this book was published in nineteen fifty seven, you know, the wild and crazy fifties, when we just made up animals for fun. Like this was before we had video games, so we had to write entire books about made up animals in order to have a time. But Steiner wrote, it was an entire book that describes a hundred and thirty eight fake species of snouters in

loving fake scientific detail. Why well, have you ever looked at the Star Wars wiki and seen how detailed people go on and on about like batt O Grito, the Star Wars fictional thing, where like the entire biology of boards. It's fun. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Well, when I was a kid, I actually created a entire species of animals called zooks that were tiny, like microscopic creatures that were like these little bipedal ants like things that had little antenna that had like a big orb on each

end of the antenna. And I wrote out this whole like like booklet about like they can lift weight up to five hundred thousand times their own their own weight, and they communicate by rubbing their orbs together and all of this stuff, and like they can control electricity. And like some kid in my class found this and I was like in second grade or something, and he's like, this isn't real. These are lies. I was like, no,

it's real, it's not lies. And then he showed it to the assistant teacher and the teacher made me admit it was lies. M You're not You're not still bitter about this though, right, not at all? David. You know you're describing what George Lucas did with medic Clarian's right, right, that they control all energy and they're being microscopic. George Lucas scooped second grade. Me. I just can't believe like this. This assistant teacher was like, you have to admit that.

Stop using your imagination, admit that it's lying. Being creative is lying. Yep, that sounds like teachers. It does. I went to a religious school. Yeah. It. It just made me dig in more. It's like, fine, I'm gonna I'm gonna create war lines. What if that teacher was like George Lucas in disguise, Yeah, going school to school and disguise, getting ideas or the FBI inserted into the school to

prevent us from finding the truth about zooks exactly. But yeah, So in this book, the snouters form in life with the rhino grades uh, he describes a d species that's commitment to the bit. Generally speaking, these fake species are described as mouse like creatures with vestigial nubs for back legs, and its four limbs have been modified for grasping, and they have They all share in common a weirdly versatile nose called ansarium, which is a made up word but

sounds science. E it sounds pretty science. Yeah, sounds n storium. M hmm, I would mistake that for science. Yeah, it sounds like a fancy room of a mansion. This is the nice storium where we have cocaine exactly. So. Some of these fake species walks with their nose, which is will be a long leg like appendage with a weird duck like foot on the end, or a claw, which there have been loving illustrations of these that are incredible. In fact, there have been fake taxidermis of these that

you can look up. I'll provide some of them in the show notes, and they are absolutely wonderful. I mean, it's just like, so it's so weird. It's like this weird mouse with giant ears and then a long leg for a nose with like a weird duck foot or a claw, and I just it's it's all. It's all fake. But I of how committed people are to try and I guess to trick people. I'm not sure. I don't think that's the intention. I think it's sort of a loving thing. It's sort of like the jackalope, Like people

make like fake busts of jackalopes. But then it's really sad because you realize the first few sightings of jackal opes are just like rabbits with HPV. Yeah, no, there's a real rabbit disease that causes these bunnies to have these huge growths, these horn like growths from in bunny HPV type virus uh that creates these facial tumors. And it does look sometimes like antlers. Sometimes it looks like they have antlers coming out all over their face, which

is quite horrifying. But yeah, no, you're absolutely right, Like that's I agree that. I think that's probably where the jackalope myth comes from. I mean, either that or some redneck was bored, which is where a lot of these six come from. Look, you know, I mean they did think that when the guy who discovered the platypus brought in, they thought it was just some some guy who like

sewed a bunch of animal parts together. So they must have experienced other people doing that, just sewing animal parts together. Of course, they protopuses are so weird. Oh my god, They have poisonous barbs on their feet. They have a third eye. What what is elector location? I still don't know. Yeah, they sweat milk. We're going to talk about electro reception. Later on in the show. But yeah, they don't have nipples.

They sweat milk out of their bellies. My favorite fact about platypus they are the original Like that that I wonder if the person who you know those nineties gatorade ats, I wonder if they just like saw a platypus. Yeah,

where people are sweating gatorade. That is I like that that it's like a platypus DNA that we would be able to sweat gatorade to feed our young What if platypuses are where we're heading like evolutionarily speaking, Like, what if it's not that they're weird, it's just that they're they're the answer right, Well, we'd be we'd be going back. We'd be going back to laying eggs, know what, or we're going forward to laying eggs. Maybe laying eggs is

very efficient. But also if you like also sweat milk and have weird, weird bills. And here's the thing, we're too smart to lay eggs. We need some sort of um motivation to have kids. That's why sex feels good. Sure, but eggs are delicious of our unfertilized eggs, and we would stop propagating like you'd be like, I'm going to keep one. Okay, there is that if we evolved to have eggs again, that we would just our species would die out because we would make omelets out of all

of our own human eggs. I mean, I don't understand why people have kids, so this could be my not did I'll let's stick a pin in that thought about the end of the human race. Uh, back to the snouters. Some of these species will use their okay, the fake species. I have to keep saying fake species otherwise someone's going to make a comment about like Katie Golden's Katie Golden spreading lies again. Um. They sometimes use their noses like a weird branching membrane that comes out of their nose

to catch fish like a net. Some have giant ears that they flap around and fly with, and they use their nose as a rudder to steer, and some even have multi pronged noses that they used to walk on. And I have very magnanimously provided you guys with pictures of all of these interesting fake animals. Some of them are some of them are probably using real animal parts of fake taxidermy, which is cool. Some of the shrews. Yeah, well, cryptids are always horrifying for animals, right, Like it's just

people hacking up animals we time. Yeah, yeah, often, Yeah, this one's awesome. Yeah. What year I need to know though, because of the ears and the rudder one? What year did Dumbo come out? Oh, that's a good question. So the book the Snatters came out in nineteen fifty seven, Dumbo the movie came out. Now not the tim Burton, damn it. No one's looking up the tim Burton. No, so God Disney is going to sue the crap out

of this, poor Germans. Yeah so, I mean, but I think that the whole like using using giant ears to fly sort of a a classic kind of like I think they were like these old beastiary books way in the medieval times when they would speculate all these hilarious things about animals of like, oh, yeah, well this animals got bigger, so they use it to fly? Why not?

Oh yeah, oh yeah. You'd see something once and then you'd commissioned an artist to draw it and be like close enough, and then an elephant is basically just a cow with a big nose and mad eyes. Yep. Did you ever go to the Best Area exhibit at LACMA It was I did. It's amazing, amazing. I love it. I love the there's the My favorite one is the cow that parts flames. What's that called? The cow? It's oh, it's got a name an somewhere as dragon. It is an ast dragon. I have to look up the name.

Could they possibly have named it the Bonacon? That's right? Okay, yeah, Actually I think we talked about this like years ago on the podcast The Bonacon. It's a it's a cow that spews flames out of it. But which is funny because there are actually like there's the Bombardier beetle that sprays hot caustic uh chemicals out of its But oh,

was this was this medieval crazy person accidentally predicting global warming? Sure, let's say that it's more fun a time traveler trying to put global warming in a way that wouldn't get them burned as a witch back in the day. Exactly, it sounds right. As strange as these mythical rhino grades are, they're really not far off from how incredible animal noses can be. Take the star nosed mole who has a multi pronged nose that looks like a mini legged starfish.

Each of these fleshy protuberances helps the blind mole since vibrations underground to hunt down worms and insects, and as well soon discuss there are animals who are us as strange as what the imagination can come up with when it comes to noses. Who was the first animal to develop a sense of smell? Probably something like Lancelet, a weird, warm like marine animal who almost looks like a fish,

but it's not quite a fish. It's sort of a pre fish with a notochord, a bundle of nerves that runs down its back instead of a spinal cord, a mouth but no jaws, and eye spots instead of eyeballs, and of course it's got its fair share of tentacles around its head. They have no nose to really speak of, but they are the most ancient animal known to have old factory receptors smell cells that run along its body. Not quite the sophistication of a pair of nostrils as

fish would develop, but starting to get there. So, guys, I feel like when we think about fish, we don't really think about their noses. It's no oversight I think we think about our noses and just imagine that they wouldn't work underwater, and kind of just assume fish don't have them. Maybe. Yeah, I've definitely pictured a fish with a human nose before. Just for fun, I texted you a photo of a star nose small by the way,

because they look like they exploded. Yeah, they look like they had a cartoon cigar, Yes, a cartoon exploding cigar and it burst their face or they ran too fast into a wall and its smoothed their their nose. I used to beg my parents for one. Um, oh, yeah, they can just get you a star nosemall. Yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure it's fine. They were holding out on you. Yeah, but yeah, no, we don't think about fish having noses. I mean, like you said, like if we tried to

breathe or smell underwater, we couldn't. We would drown. H And yeah, I mean thinking about out of fish with a human nose, by the way, that I feel like that is my sleep paralysis demon, just like the nose standing over me. We have found a way to come to land. Now we will drag you underwater. But you know, fish do have nostrils. You've seen a fish, You've seen a couple of little little nostril holes. Uh, And they do, in fact smell out of those those little nose holes.

So smell is actually a really important since for a fish because they have to use it to hunt for food or to avoid predation. But you know, for most fish, it's just like a couple of little nostril holes. And we are going to talk about a fish who does not go for subtlety when it comes to their face parts. So a unicorn fish is exactly what it sounds like. It's a real life unicorn in the form of a tropical fish who lives in the Indo Pacific Ocean. So this is also known as a nasal fish, which I

think I like unicorn fish better. They are a genus of fish species with what looks like a long quote nose, So it's technically not a nose. It is a rostral protruberance, which isn't I like that rostral protuberance. It's a fleshy horn extension of their forehead. But it looks like the fish has a dangle nose. It really does. Yeah, it looks like a fish with a with a dainty as nose here, very long, very long, dainty nose. Yeah, like a long, thin nose, very serious looking fish. The fish

looks offended, right, it looks snooty. And maybe I think it is because of the nose. It's like when once you have a nose to look down on it, I feel like you kind of look snody. Yeah, the fish looks like I'm met at the fish for having more money than me. Yeah, and I don't think I don't think that's accurate, but I want to rob the fish. It looks like Mr Burns. It looks like Mr Burns does. Yeah, it absolutely does. These fish range from tan coloration to

cool colors like purpleish pink blue. Sometimes they're white. Sometimes they have fetching little red freckles and blue lipstick. So that nose really isn't a nose at all. It serves no nasal function and it is not attached to their nostrils. So unicornfish is very accurate title it is. It's just a fleshhorn coming out of their forehead. So I do want to go into a bit about why fish don't

have human noses, Like have you ever asked yourself that question? Like, Hey, why don't a fish just have a nose like I have. You know, they just have these little nostrils, but they never have like a full on human humanoid nose. They don't. They don't. They also like don't have any kind of mammalian nose. They don't have like a cat nose or a dog nose like a cow knows. I know, now it's cute. It's because it's horrifying. What it's a human nose? Why is that? It's like a human nose on a

fish frightens and confuses me. But like a cat knows on a fish, it's cute. Now. I would argue that a fleshy human nose on any animal would be frightening, right, there's no animal that would be improved by a human nose. Well, it's it's the same reason a lot of cryptics are human parts on animals, that it horrifies us to come face to face with the fact that we're just animals

and to put ourselves onto other species. The idea that maybe someone down the line had sex with an animal, I think you're thinking more into it than people who come up. I'm not sure anyone. I think that might be a youth thing. Dave okay, ok of make a note, but yeah, it's very uncanny valley once she starts sticking

human parts on an animal. There was a children's book that I'm just remembering right now where it was like about these cats, cat like creatures that would walk on their hind legs, but for whatever reason, the artists decided to give them full on human noses, and it scared the dickens out of me. Nightmares. That's freaking When walks on her hind legs, it already freaks me up. She walks through the house on her hind legs, just how

do you? How do humans? Yeah, just casually on her way to the litter box, like just a little rolled up newspaper under tucked under her arms, just like gott to keep up with the world affairs, little cat newspaper the news. Let's check out the muse for today. L O L perfect. But so fish, why don't they have noses? What the heck? Are they just too good for noses?

Because they have nostrils. Well, so, the nose does a lot of great work in protecting us in our terrestrial environment, and it is we actually use our noses for breathing, and it's connected to our lungs and throat, and so it's important to filter out air impurities with these little hairs inside of our noses, as well as to heat up the air before it hits our lungs. And I'll go into more detail about that later. But fish, on the other hand, do not use their nostrils to breathe.

It's just to smell. So the they're basically like pumping water in and out of their nostrils just to capture some smells with their old factory receptors, whereas their breathing is done through their mouth and their guilts, So they pump water in through their mouth and then through their gills. So yeah, then there those little nostrils really have nothing to do with breathing, just for sniff in the water. So you're saying, I'm a fish, Are you a mouth breather?

I can't. My nose is just decorative at this point. It's I can't smell anything allergy. It's yeah, I I apparently you can't say I lost my sense of smell anymore. People freak out, but that COVID Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I just fine. I lost it like five years ago. That said, I mean having the ability to breathe separately than smell is would be a godsend, right, Yeah, you kidding for the bad smells. I'm very sensitive to smells, and sometimes I like get close to passing out because

I just refused to breathe when there's a bad smell. Yeah. Yeah, it's just like I don't want the bad smells in in in my face, inside my nose. You know, it can be so strong you can almost taste it because they're exactly and like breathing through your mouth can help a little bit. Then it's just like, now the bad poop smells are getting in my mouth and I don't like that. I don't like that idea at all. Yeah, it would be nice to be a fish then, so you get to just poop in the water and not

and forget about it. Yeah, and the farts just go straight up right exactly exactly. Let the let the terrestrial creatures deal with our fart. Do you fit sleep fish fart? I don't know. I don't really think they do all that much. I know manities fart like a lot which are which are mammals, and they eat a lot of a lot of vegetation, a lot of fiber and they actually use their farts to be able to manage their

their floating. But it's a good question. I don't really think fish fish fart that much, if at all, they're missing out. So generally speaking, when fish have a a nose like structure, like you see a fish and it's got like a protuberance that looks like a nose, chances are it has nothing to do with it being an actual nose. It's probably just a rostrum or a fleshy extension that has nothing to do with their actual nostrils, or or like sort of old factory system, which is

exactly the case with the uniform cornfish. Despite having this very mr burns like nose, it's not a nose. It's just it's just a horn. And here's the thing. I don't think researchers necessarily does what what it's for. I have a guess, Yeah, what do you think to creep out predators Like predators are just like, oh no, I'm not eating that. I don't know, I'm not exactly sure

what that is. They look at them head on and it's like I'm gonna eat this fish, and then the fish turns and profile like oh oh, I don't like that. You know, are there is there a species that survives based on creeping out other species? I mean besides humans. I mean, they're sure there's a lot of defensive behaviors that are meant to spook off predators. But in terms of like like there are butterflies or caterpillars that have

these big I spots meant to scare predators. In terms of just like creeping them out, they are like some caterpillars and spiders that look like poop. So you know, I guess that's at putting right exactly. Yeah, that's that seems to make the most sense in the animal kingdom. I just like the idea of a certain one that

the predators just like mm hmm. Yeah, you're just unsettling. Yeah, I don't know, I don't know what's going on with you, like a deer that has human hands and and just the predators like, I mean, I don't wanna, right, it's not like an actual threat to me, but no things. Yeah, if you're really hungry, you'll eat everything, but the hands probably also just like unicorns, these unicorn fish are apparently

very tasty. Yeah. Nice, You just have to get past the idea of eating a fish with a human nose again, it's it's I think that's how it would work, right, Like if someone slapped this on your plate, like served it to you, you'd be like, no, thanks, Like I don't see this a lot at restaurants, I assume. I mean, yeah, I've I've never eaten a unicorn fish. I think i'd remember we don't live near where they are. Yeah, but i'd have to assume you have to like start children

on unicorn fish, young gir els. They're not gonna yeah, because it's like eating a Simpsons character, Like they look like a Simpsons character that the profile is. I mean, it's so Simpson's esk. It's weird. It's like it's like a cartoon face. If if people haven't looked it up, definitely look it up. It's like I don't know like if I was. This is why I don't go in the ocean. First of all, I don't go in the um. And it's not because the sharks. Is because of things

like this or like crabs. When it's like, oh, yeah, the ocean has like ocean spiders and nose fish, it's like, no, I don't need to be in there. I don't need to be amongst that. Most of the crabs are in the sand. Yeah, that's even worse. I'd love to just like sort of why lay at the bottom of the ocean. Just let all of them crawl over me, you know, use my body as a playground. Where is pods? Deep sea is so pods and crabs and see spiders get all you know, it's gonna be fun. Tickles, It's lots

of tickles on the bottom of the ocean. Well, I can't go to the next section without mentioning the sawfish. So the sawfish are found all over the world in tropical and subtropical waters. They are a species of ray, so rays are related to sharks and manta raise and the sawfish have a long, flat rostrum. So again, the rostrum is that pointy uh, sort of like fleshy protuberance from their head, which is not a nose but looks

quite a bit like a nose. Uh. And for the sawfish, their rostrum is flat with chainsaw like teeth all the way around it, just like a chainsaw. Hot. Yeah, what what's happened? What's what? What's their problem? Like? What is this coming in? Hot? With the judgments are sorry, like what, what's their deal? Why isn't there more animals like this? Just them? It sounds like you're saying, what's all of

our problem for not having a face? Chainsaw? Actually honest kind of yeah, yeah, well you know, I guess uh like different strokes for different folks is when it comes to evolution. Um, So it really does look like you stuck as sideways chainsaw onto sort of a flattened shark. And there is a purpose of for this thing. Um. First of all, so those teeth all the way around the rostrum, you might wonder like, well, how did teeth get over there? And that is a correct concern because

they aren't really teeth. They're not teeth like you would find in your mouth. They are actually hardened dermal denticles. So I dentical is a toothlike projection. So it can be like a fleshy projection often found in marine animals. But it can be fleshy, it can also be very hard, which is the case for sawfish. Sharks also have a lot of denticles on their skin, usually microscopic denticles. It's what gives their skin this sort of harsh sand papery

feel um. But for the sawfish, they are these rather large denticles that are hard and they look like teeth, but they're technically not like mouth mouth teeth. They're not mouth bones. So they can actually grow to be quite large, up to about seven and a half meters, which is about twenty five ft, which let a lot of people back in the day, back in olden times, to think that the sawfish would use its face saw to chop

people up and eat them. Mhm. I feel like it's reasonable to think that if you came across this you might never want to go into the ocean again. I don't know if that's the case for you, or if it's just New England not just oceans. Like, there's nothing in the ocean that makes me want to go in the ocean. We're just breezing. Pass the word denticles here, dental tentacles. Yeah, dental tent tentacles. That's wonderful. What word it is a good word, isn't it? I love it?

Dur so dermal denticles because that just means skin, skin bumps, but you know, dermal denticles. Yeah, I mean, like I love the idea of like some olden times, like because you know, back in the day, people couldn't just go scuba diving all the time. So you had this like old fashioned scuba suit, you know, with a big, big diving helmet. And this guy comes back up after his adventure and they're like, well, what's it like down in the ocean. He's like, yeah, ocean swall of chainsaws. It

was like, yep, yep, sharks, sharks have chainsaws. What's a chainsaw? Well, you don't even know. You just need to know. Sharks got him, and we can't go back in. Yeah, never going back in because when you see one of these, there's always I'm sure this how sea monsters happen. It's like you see something like this and you're not even sure if it's the adult or baby. Where it's like do these get any bigger? Hey, how would you know? Yeah?

Giants squids are some of the few um cryptids to be proven real because you describe that people are like no, no dinner plates, right, and yeah, they can grow up to be a healthy size there, you know, they're healthy boys. They get pretty big. So the saw is not used to chop up people or even to chop up large

marine animals. Humans are actually too big for sawfish to eat, but the saw is used for hunting, so they can use this saw to locate prey because like we're talking about earlier, Hannah, Uh, they have electro receptors in it. So there are these tiny bulbs used by sharks and by these sawfish in there basically in their snout area. For for the sawfish, it's in this the chainsaw nos area. But these tiny bulbs used for electro reception are called the ampule of Lorenzini, which I want. So I don't

know what champion is, probably Lauren. I think lauren Zini probably named them, like, these are the ampule of me, Laurens. That's what I want named after me? Actually kind of that's something, right, yeah, actually leave your mark on the world. Yeah, but yeah, So they these these little receptors can detect

electrical signals fish make as their muscles move. So every time your muscles moving, even every time you think there are there is a very faint electrical signal that is released um and that can be detected by sharks in general, and by this sawfish through its cool chainsaw noves. It is probably the coolest fish, right, sure? He has lots of cool fish. I mean, what counts as a fish, because as far as I could tell, scientifically, the word fish has no right. There was a whole thing about that,

like cuttlefish are fish. That fish is like a weird Yeah, cuttlefish are mollusks. Yeah, fish is. It's similar to when we talk about reptiles. It's kind of a weird classification. Yeah, I mean, but we call jellyfish fish. We just we just throw that so casually, Yeah, I would say if the name is fish, like, if it has fish in

the name, that's maybe a lie. My rule is always that if it's got like a vertical tail and gills, then it's probably some sort of fish, like if I saw it in the ocean, which I would never go into. But if it's got like a horizontal, floppy tail and like some sort of hole for air, then I'm sometimes but sometimes it's a but sometimes it's an amphibian. Sure, gotcha, boom roasted nice broad strokes, oh boy. Yeah. Like basically, yeah, I mean like fish, And yeah, we do call a

lot of things like jellyfish fish. Jellyfish are not fish. But yeah, in general, I think Dave, that is a good call like, if it's got gills, if it's got either cartilage or bones, uh, you know at least a notochord, If not a spine, then it's a fish. If it's made out of google like a jellyfish, it's not a fish. If it's just all goo, or if it's all squish like a like a cuttlefish, it's not a fish. That that is actually you know they're related to squid and

and octopuses. Um. But these sawfish are indeed fish, just like just like sharks are sharks is fish um. Whereas as we know, whales are not fish because they are confused mammals who went back inside the ocean. Perfect yeah their failure mammals right like their mammals, Yeah exactly, yeah, yeah, Like I just worship dolphins so much. Yeah, they just decided to hold their bravery time. Ye. Why do we think they're so smart? It's just insulation, it's brain insulation.

They get cold. Speaking of weird noses, they move their nose to like the top of their heads. Weirdos, right, weirdos. Yeah. So the sawfish right, who who's not a nose but rostrum nose like saw deely? Yeah, can detect fish with the electro reception. It also has a more sinister use, which is smacking prey, so it does kind of use it like a sauce, So it's not they don't really slice and dice up prey like a saw wood. It doesn't rotate and like make little little noises like an

actual saw. Um m m. Sorry, yeah, it's more like well like you get like all around your your rostering. Yeah, it doesn't quite. That would be fun like a little like serving little or derves at like a fish party, and it's got all or derves all all around. I like that, but not probably not really not in reality, you liar. But yeah, I mean it's more just like it smacks them hard and it stuns them. Probably just startles them more than anything, because this thing comes out

of nowhere with a software face. And then once they've smacked them and incapacitated, and then they get to chomp them up with their actual mouth, uh and and they can use it for defense against predators or people who are silly enough to like pick up a sawfish and be like, hey, look Martha found sawfish, and then it's gonna cut you because you know, yeah, while they don't prey on people. They don't hunt people. They will like smack you if you It's get everything about this species

is telling us not to do that. Feel like if you do that, it seems just generally good for them to have a saw on their face, Like it's not one use it's just look, we got a saw on our face. We're gonna use it the way we're going to use it. Right. Well, are they evolving you think so that they can be a chainsaw when organic chainsaw?

You think that's the goal. Maybe speak for them. I can't speak for them, but I'm sure they are like some sawfish like going around like slapping their slapping their rosterrom going like we get some batteries in this baby, get some you get a motor going, and now we're cooking with gas. Now we'll see who's the apex predator trying to unseek great white sharks. Yeah. All they need then is like a huge woman knows some human hands, a hockey, a hockey mask, a hockey man, sure, a

little hockey mask. Someone someone make a cryptid some maniacs stuff. One of these fish. Would the would the Jason origin story of the sawfish be that someone like beached beach didn't turned into a ghost underwater, because isn't it Like with Jason movies, it's like he was drowned as a child. He drowned, but not really uh. And in the first movie it was his mom who killed all the people, and then in the second one he gets his mother's

head and it turns out he hadn't drowned. And then I think in the sixth one, Tommy Jarvis um drowns him successfully in the lake and then he stuck down there until a tele kinetic powers of Tina Shepherd resurrects him. If you wanted to know this, why would because there's so many scary things. So yeah, in this version, the fish would be um on the land. The fish would be yeah, beached right. You know, there's something to be scared of. The only time I touched the jellyfish, it

was a condom. It's I mean, that's something that scared of. I guess it's creepy in there. It's been a long time. It doesn't want it. You can't even drink the water like it's it's you don't It doesn't want us. It's literally trying to push us out of it all the time. That's just wave after wave of the ocean, like get out, get out? What's not what's not inviting about? Like saw face fish and likes fish? Yeah, really fostering a welcoming environment, yeah.

Seeweed tangling your ankles. Yeah, just give me a little tickle, something brushes up against you, Just a little tickle. High there, it's a perfect I got a software nose. Hither Why are fish and reptiles satisfied with nostrils while mammals go all out for noses? It actually comes down mainly to thermoregulation. Reptiles and other cold blooded animals are ectotherms who rely on their environment to thermo regulate, like sitting in the

sun or shade. Mammals and coincidentally birds as well, are warm blooded or endotherms and rely on internal body regulation to keep our temperature steady. Endotherms have more rapid metabolisms and must breathe the faster while making sure our internal body temperature is warm but not too warm and not too cold. So our noses actually perform a very important function and air conditioner heat or purified and humidifier all in one. Breathing quickly means that without a humidifier, we

would lose a lot of our internal moisture. So our noses have structures called turbinates, bony protrusions. Bony protrusions covered in a mucus membrane. The cilia hairs and mucus membrane captures air as it passes and moistens it warms it or cools it and purifies it so once it reaches the sensitive tissues of our lungs, it's gone through a whole premium treatment to make it suitable for our bodies.

When we return, we're going to discover even more uses for noses other than sniffing and conditioning air and folks, it's batty. The joke is, we're actually we're gonna we're gonna talk about bats. We're gonna talk about bats. We'll be our bat Belts are mostly known for their incredible ability to echolocate, sending out clicks and re seeving spatial information based on the echoes they get back, but not all bats rely all that much on echolocation, such as

the mega bat. Fruit bats larger bats who like to munch on tasty fruit all day, and bats aren't really blind, they have functional eyes. It's just the bats who fly dark night skies or hunt at night rely on their echolocation much more than their eyesight. And while it may not seem obvious, bat noses are some of the most fascinating honkers in the animal kingdom. So we're gonna talk

about bat noses what everyone's been waiting for. Yeah, So, like, I feel like this is bringing it back full circle to the rhino grades, the fake like weird true mice with the huge noses that they walk on or like fly with their ears and stuff. Because like bats are basically as incredible as like what this zoo all just came up with in terms of like the diversity of

noses and uses for the noses. It's really incredible. Um. So, you know, bats are mostly known for their sonar, but they also use their noses in ways that are really important. So some bats actually even use their noses in echolocation. So they can echolocate with like their mouth or their tongue or their throat, but they can also echolocate using their nose basically as like a resonance chamber to send

out clicks like a megaphone. But they also have incredible diversity in terms of like the shapes that noses come in and the functions that they do. So one really cool example is how vampire bats use their nose. So they use those large upturn sort of like like pointy shaped nose, uh to literally feel for heat coming off of the blood pumping through their hosts. Arteries. Oh, it's creeps.

That's crazy. It looks like they're gently nuzzling their their host like they'll be on like cow leg and you'll see them kind of like sniffing around sort of nuzzling with their nose. But it's really they're hunting down to find where that tasty vein is so that they can think in and get get some nice blood. Can you switch tabs? I just want to see that nose one more time? Did we know that? Okay, that's vagina. Sorry, that's not that's not that's not the vampire. But let

me get a vampire bat. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, that's okay, it's it's coming that with a vagina face. I'm sorry. I actually find no, it's very funny. Uh No, I actually think vampire bats are super super cute. Oh yeah, did you write they have such cute little faces. Yeah, they just want some blood. Give them my blood? Yeah? Do they When we called them vampire bats, was it

just because they drink blood? Uh? Did we know at the time that they apparently can sniff out blood like a vampire would too, Like that's really vampiric of them to be like I can sense your blood with my nose. Weird, right, as if vampires are maybe actually real and the FBI is just trying to keep us from finding out the truth. Yeah,

I mean they are real. There are people with an issue that makes them obsessed with drinking blood, and there are also people who react really badly to sunlight because they have a condition. All of these things affect humans. They're just very rare and often psychological, right. And then there are people who dress up like bats to fight crime, right,

that's true life people who do that. Yes, But the vampire bet noses actually have these like little tiny pores in their nose that are these they're called pit organs, and they're these like little uh thermo sensory organs that can like actually detect heat coming out of it, and so they can detect It's sort of like you know

how sometimes doctors have that vein finder. It's like this thing that can can show you where the vein is, so they can if someone's got hard to see veins in their arm, they can give you injections more easily. It's like that, except they use it to drink your bed. Little cuties, little stinkers. They're very cute. If I wasn't afraid of the specific picture that you posted, he looks like, uh,

like someone just threw a surprise birthday party. Like he's a five year old boy and they've surprised him with a birthday party. Is it's a bunch of this yeah, right right, Like if rabies wasn't an issue, I would totally volunteer to get my blood sucked by one of these keys. Um. But yeah, if you throw a surprise party for like a vampire bat, it's it's just like a bunch of cow legs that are bleeding. It's like, oh,

you shouldn't have so cute. Um, so cute. But vampire bats are not the only bats with a interesting specialized nose. I can't There are so many different bat noses. I if I talked about every bat nos this, it would be the whole podcast for the rest of all known time and space. And I can't do that. I simply can't, but I beg you please look up just like google bat noses and admire the bat noses. Is there one

with human nose? There one with a human nose? Yeah? Um, depends on what your definition of human noses, like a fleshy human nose, like a no, well not quite no, I would say no. I would say, uh no, but they have like mc esure drawing noses, like a puzzle of a nose horseshoe. Bats use their noses for really interesting things, so they have, uh, these incredibly strange nose structures that it looks like a weird m c esure drawing.

Maybe a little bit uh, Georgio o'keef hannas you were saying earlier, a little slightly slightly Georgio keep asked, I would say, you know, slightly, Uh, I could have been reading into it. Well, look, you know that it's got a lot of interesting folds and things in shape and stuff.

So they are shaped so interestingly because these folds and flaps and in beautiful nose structures can help focus sound frequencies, so they can specifically focus their sonar better, which really it's like it seems to defy physics, these noses and I love them. And then there's also the sword nose bat, which is that a sword on your nose? Are you just happy to see me? I say to the bat trying to deduce a bat? Anyways, Yeah, they have they have a dang sword on their face. It's just a

big long sword. It's a genus bats or a genus Yeah, I know, right, congratulations big nose energy. Uh you know how much fun we would have with swords on our faces or like horns. I guess if we had like a unicorn horn, it would yeah, we would. I we would either be having a blast or we wouldn't exist anymore because we would all died out stabbing each other with our horns. Right, but like we wouldn't invent I'd

use it to change the channel. Oh yeah, I'd use it to change the channel and my television remote sensible chuckle weekly Um No, I mean we would definitely. We would definitely sword fight ourselves to death, wouldn't we If we had face swords, we'd we'd have like we'd have to cork them. People would be sharpening them, you know, like real edge lords would be like sharpening their their horns. I mean they would have to grow during puberty because you can't give birth to that and that is the

worst time to start having a hord. Yeah. Now, luckily for these bats, uh, these nose, these sword noses are actually not sharp. They're not hard, They're flappy there. It's like, you know, like a kid ear kind of looks like it's a sharp point, but you poke it into flippity floppy like that. Yeah. So, uh, they are a genus about species that looks like they have a long blade coming out of the tops of their noses. It's longer

than their entire head. So it's quite impressive. Uh. They are found in South and Central America, and they are insectivores like a lot of bats. Uh, and so insectivore of bat species, sonar is really important to them for hunting, to be able to find those little insects at night. And so these bats have a bat hunting technique known as aerial hawking. So aerial hawking just sort of like the bird the hawk is a technique where the bat

catches insects midflight. And because they need to do this, having super precise, really strong echolocation skills is super important and there is a research on there these interesting noses, and they are finding that this is likely an adaptation

and to be able to use more precise echolocations. So research seems to suggest that the rainforest canopy environment that they live in requires them to have adaptive sonar that allows them to precisely target prey at long distances, even though there's a lot of stuff, like a lot of sort of extra stuff and and noise going on inside of their forest environment. And then also that this sonar is so precise that they can actually detect the glinting

echolocation off of an insect's beating wings. So like they hit like imagine just like you kind of glance off of a moths beating wing and you know where it is. It's amazing, that's pretty that's impressive. Batman, they're like that makes sense. Well, they're they're like man bat, you know, bat bat, they're they're bat bats. The bats, they're bats. They're just bats, all right. It doesn't have to be a man all the time. They seem to be having a great time, right, Like has there been like there's

not like a kid's cartoon about the world of bats. No, but it feels like it would be a lot of fun. Yeah, like the Zack Snyder Owl movie. But the Guardians, the Guardiens, have you seen that, it's a real bummer. It turns out Owl's lives are a real bummer. But I feel like bats are having a great time. Just sore and you're sniffing sniffing out things with the weird sonar and there. I mean, your life would be honestly, Yeah, it's a bonus that technically hnah, it's not poop. They are pellets

and they are distinct waste material. That's yeah. I think they're having a pretty good time because like they're they're like bat society is surprisingly chilled, Like they're pretty social and they're don't really fight that much. They are you know, maybe they'll have the occasional squabble, but they really don't attack each other munch. They they don't. Which is they do?

They do communal upbringing of young and they help out new new mother bats and also guys, the the male bats will give the females oral sex just as much as the females give the males oral sex. Yeah, bat society is great. Bats are having a great time, a great time. And the last bat I want to talk about one of my favorite bats. I just love them

so much. They're called the hammer head bats, and I have covered these on the show before on our Bats episode, but I think they deserve an encore, especially on this nose episode, because they have such impressive honkers. And I really do mean honkers, because they honk with them. So. They are large bats found in West and Central Africa, and they are the largest bat on continental Africa, with a wingspan of up to one meters or about three feet.

They eat fruit and they don't use that much sonar, just like a lot of other fruit bats that don't really need it to hunt because fruit does not generally move around all that much. You can just swoop down there and get it. But still, the males have this impressively large and chalky nose. It looks like someone glued a boombox to their faces. I want you guys to go and appreciate the hammer head bat, Like, right now, I have a picture of it. You've got to look

at it. The last one right that looks it looks like a Simpsons character. It looks like, yeah, it's adorable, it's so cute, right, Yeah, I want to boop the nose. The nose must be booped. It's an interesting thing, right, because they don't really need to use much echolocation. What's with a big fancy knows uh? And it is used to seduce the ladies, just like a boom box. They used this box like nose as a residence chamber to honk. Sexual honking the best part of right. They can do

up to a hundred and twenty honks a minute. That is a lot of honks. That's two honks a second, right, math, Sure, look, I can't do math. I'll just trust whatever numbers you say. But I think so right, Yes, sixty seconds in a minute. A hundred twenty honks a minute would mean yeah, you're right too. Hanks a second? Whoa, That means I did math. Congratulation that means you did math. Oh my god, but you win the award for best at Math on this podcast. So when I say honk, you probably kind think of

it as like a goose honk. But the bat honking sounds a lot more like an alien abduction than like a car honk or a goose honk. So take a listen to this, you guys. To be honest, I was, I was hoping for a goose honk sounds like you know sweaky hammers, those squeaky hammers that you like. Yeah, I was hoping for a real like or like a truck honk. Yeah, like like something just really disruptive. I

mean that's cool too. That sounds they make, that's what humans used to seduce ladies, and it is really disruptive of our lives. I want like one of those personalized honks, like one of those horns that you get on a car that's like, yes, every time you honk, but no, it is the alien sounds. In fact, like people who have to live near these bats often find them to be quite a nuisance because of all these like alien honks that keep going on every night, all night, all

the time, horny baths making lots of noise. I mean, I love them. I think they're cute, but I suppose I could imagine if you're trying to sleep every time every night and then you just hear a bunch of horny baths going like hey hey, hey, hey hey, it's annoying. Oh yeah, do they live? Where do they live? They live in western Central Africa? Oh okay, so not the same place as how their monkeys. Thank god that there are parts of the world's where the screams of horny

animals are the vein of humans trying to sleep. Oh yeah, I mean, like if you live near coyotes and foxes, that's certainly true. We do, but we don't hear them that much. They're they're good about it. They're polite, Yeah, I think. Uh, I think that's a that's something that an animal has to learn, right, is to have I feel like, if they're too loud, then we'll just show up and start killing. Yeah, I'm sorry, you want to mate too loud. So they have to be polite if

they're near unless they can fly like these bets. Like, if if they have too much of a nuisance to kill, then they're just going to annoy it. This is why parrots exist because they can fly away at any point. Yeah, they can. It's like that's why they're the only talking animal. They get to insult us and then fly away. Exactly. We're like, I always thought it was the correct vessel for Jello Biafra's voice to come out of was a parent. He sounds like a human parrot. He does, he really does.

That's the that's the correct version of his voice. Who is wait, sorry, repeated lead singer of Dead Kennedy. Are you a Dead Kennedy's fan, Katie, I'm sorry. I don't listen to music. I just listen. I don't no music. I only listened to like horny animal sounds. That's my music. The leader of the Dead Kenny's kind of sounds like a horny animal. Sound like his voice seems like it

would come out of some kind of animal. Definitely, Like if you can't imagine how a parrot would sing about I might like the Dead Kennedy's then if it sounds like a horny animal, I'll like it. Oh yeah, you'll love it. Yeah. Well, you guys, I think we've gone through every nose in the world. We did. We did every nose, every single one, a complete collection of noses. Thank you guys so much for joining me on on this this nasal adventure. So hey, you got anything to plug?

Doesn't have to be about noses, could be anything anything you want to plug. Yeah, where we are going to because we're getting our stuff together, have a podcast about crypti It's called Cryptibits and it will be awesome. We don't know when it's coming out. We're really organized over here. And and I definitely did not settle Dave with yet another podcast which he already had too many. Um, yeah, that's coming out. I I'm assuming by munch March. Um

it'll be on Gamefully Unemployees Network. That's me and Tom Ryman's podcast and streaming network. If people are interested, they can go to gamefully Uh no, sorry, they can go to patreon dot com slash Gamefully Unemployed and see all our stuff there. We have exclusive podcasts. We watch movies with people every Friday night. So yeah, it's fun. Check it out. Thank you guys so much for listening. If you enjoyed the show, please leave rating or review. I

read all of them. They all warm my cold little fish heart. And if you are interested in asking a question or just getting in touch with me sending me pictures of your pets, please send your emails to create your future product gmail dot com. You can also find me online at Creature feature Pot on Instagram, at Creature feet Pot on Twitter. That's f t e et then is something very different? Uh, and thank you so much

for listening. Thanks to the Space Classics for their super awesome song x Alumina Creature features of production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts like the one you just heard, this is the I heart Radio app app podcast or guess what very Listen to your old Dangle shows. See you next Wednesday,