Parents of the Year Awards

their backs. We're talking thoughtful toads, families of frogs, doating plovers, and parental packyderms. To discover the more as we answer to the actual question is the first rule of Maccaque Dad Club that you don't talk about Maccaque Dad Club. Joining me today is our producer, Joel Monique and freelance writer, comic book creator, author of the web comic But What If? Though about superhero hijinks and parenthood activate Steph Williams. Hello, Hi,

thank you so much for joining me. I am excited to talk about parenthood despite me not being a parent unless you count my dog, which most people would not. I totally count it. So you are a mom. Well, let me not say unfortunately, but unfortunately, I guess I am a title that I am. We're proudly yeah. And how old is your kiddo? He is four going on forty two some days, some days fourteen. I just I never know. I love little kids who act like old

people and or look like old people. When my brother was born, he looked like an angry, little old man. I mean, he's my older brother, so I have no memory of it, but I look at photos and it's extremely funny to me. He was cute, but he looked like an angry, grumpy, little old man. Sometimes I'm just like, you haven't been on this earth for a very long time for his attitude. But also I get it, so it's fine. It doesn't take too long to develop an attitude.

I don't think. But today we are going to talk about some of the best parents in the animal world, and by best I mean most creative, wildest, and most devoted. And we will be handing out awards. But one might say that the only award they need is the satisfaction of raising children. I'm just kidding. Awards are really great. I love awards. First, I want to talk about how animals carry their young, like literally physically hold them, because

as humans, we have a pretty. I guess we kind of take it for granted because we have hands and we just pick them up, scoop them up, you know, toss them over our shoulders. Will not toss gently, you know, delicately hold the baby. I know how to hold a baby. You're gentle by the time in the air, and they really don't know the difference. You know, kick flip a baby. No, don't kick flick the baby. I'm not saying that. But you said on your show to kick flick the baby. No,

I didn't say that taken out a context. No, be very gentle with the baby. You hold it, you support its head. It's big, heavy head because babies they can't hold those heads yet because they're so small and floppy. But animals don't have well, I mean, some animals have hands, but they don't well. Some animals do have opposable thumbs,

but a lot of them don't. So they have to get really creative about how they carry their young, and they often go to some extreme length to hold onto their young and to protect them from the outside world. So first I want to do some honorary mentions. Alligators carry their babies in their mouths after they've hatched, and

they will gently transport them to the water. So this can look kind of horrifying because you see an alligator grab it a freshly hatched egg and kind of crack it open and toss the little one into its mouth, and you think, oh my god, she's gonna eat her baby. But no, she just carries them over to the water and gently releases them one by one, over and over until she's got her whole whole brood of little hatchlings into the water. Why can't they ride together? Why can't

you have more than one in there? Yes, gets crowded, I guess, I mean maybe you probably could. Sometimes they ride on her head too. I they're sticky, I mean, but like kids are often sticky for no reason. So could you imagine that's on your tongue, still covered in that that egg amniotic sack? Yeah? Gross. Giant water bugs which are bugs that live in freshwater habitats. Joel, you're shaking your head, No, you know, I don't like swarms of things. It's not a swarm. It's a single bug

together on its back so much. But it's eggs. So they have a built in snorkel and they can breathe underwater, and what Joel is freaking out about is that they will lay their eggs onto the male's back and the male will just carry them on his back until they hatch. So he's a great dad. I don't know why you're so upset. I heard it was the dad. Okay, yeah, I'm fine with it now because of that too, and only for that reason. But yeah, it is a little bit unsettling to see a big cluster of eggs on

his back. Yeah, we're gonna actually talk about another animal a little later that it may be upsetting for some people who have triple phobia, which is a fear of clusters of things. So I'll give you a warning then when we're going to talk about it. But it is really cool. It's just, you know, it's so yucky. But before we talk about that, let's talk about pandas So.

Pandem mothers will cradle their newborn young almost constantly because they're just small, little helpless pink jelly beans who can't do nothing and the mom's got to take care of them. They almost never put them down because it's again like this little helpless pink burrito that cook gets squish, tiny chippy check how do you know how um much they weigh when they're boy and they're super tiny? You know, I don't know a number, but I'm gonna say probably

about as much as a small Taco Bell burrito. I'm so hungry right now I could eat a baby panda. I did not like that one. So onto the animals who are actually getting the Animal Parent of the Year awards awards, Awards awards. So in third place is the horned marsupial frog. So I have provided you ladies with a picture of one of these frogs. I think they are awfully cute. They live in Columbia, Costa Ricua, Ecuador, and Panama. Their tree dwelling frogs. There are little guys.

They're about two to three inches long, which is about seven centimeters. They're sort of a light tan and brown with sort of creamy white patches, and they got these little horns over their eyes that kind of looks like cool. I make up like a little bit of a little bit of a wing over their eyes, you know, a little bit dramatic. Yeah, I'm loving this look specifically. It's giving me like kind of almost like I feel like Huella Deville would be. Like I have to have these

eyes like this look. It's a new uh fashion and glasses wear. Yeah, it's like a hundred and one dalmatians, but it's like two thousand and five scorned marsupial frogs because it has Oh gosh, imagine this guy sitting on the tip of your pencil while you're writing in school. You're definitely gonna focus. He's giving you the look. He's giving you the horn rim glasses look, Yeah, for sure.

And some cool things about these little guys is that males will sound like a champagne cork when they're doing calls, so kind of a I can't really do it, but fancy. Yeah. So when we lay their eggs, instead of just leaving them somewhere to get eaten up by some predator, females will actually carry the eggs in a special pouch on her back, and males will help place the fertilized eggs into the female's pouch by pushing them in with his little toes, And basically the female's back will look like

a pea pod with a bunch of eggs in it. Okay, so like some teamwork. Yeah, I can get into that. It doesn't look particularly nice. It kind of looks like she's got a bunch of lumps under her back. But it is actually really nice strategy because it keeps those eggs safe and sound until they hatch and come out of her back. So I'm seeing a lot of inspiration for Kuala Deville and all of these things. Blue is gorgeous.

First of all, it's like the most it's it's not devil Wares product Ruleian, but like four or five shage dark than that. It's literally what you're looking at now is the poison dart frog. So it is a beautiful tree frog found in Surinam. Uh. They are they're little, but very deadly. They are toxic, so you don't want to eat them, probably don't want to touch them. You're more likely to kick the bucket if you actually ingest

this toxin. But it can also like if you get it on your your hands, you don't You could absorb some of it through the skin and you don't really want that. They are a bright, bright, bright blue. They look like living jewels. They're beautiful, and that coloration is

actually a warning that they are toxic. So they're telling predators like, hey, no, don't don't try it, which is funny because like to us now as humans who like to eat tide pods, it looks kind of appetizing, So to animals who don't eat tide pods, it looks very dangerous, so they will not mess with them. And they get their toxins from their diet, so by stealing it from their prey like ants, centipedes and mites who have a

toxin in them. That then the uh poisoned dart frog will consume and then concentrate and then excrete on their skin like a two for one deal nutrition and safety. Exactly. It's like eating a bunch of little lives. No, it's not like that, never mind, But it would be like if you could eat a bunch of nails and then just push the nails out through your skin and now you're the human porcupine. Is that a superhero stuff? No, but it definitely sounds like something that will come soon

to studios. Sounds right up there, Alley, he eats nails for breakfast, but can he get love starring Timothy Shallomy. So for these blue poison dart frogs, during mating, the males will issue a soft call that females are attracted to, and the females actually fight over the males, and the winning female gets to lay her eggs that the male fertilizes, and then the female is done. She's off, she's off

to book club with the girls. And now the male he's got to be the single dad to these eggs, so he protects the eggs and he becomes a very devoted little papa in a bunch of interesting ways. He will actually urinate on the tadpoles, which sounds kind of disrespectful,

but it's actually to help keep them hydrated. And they will carry the tadpoles on their backs, painstaking a one by one and transport them to what are these little micro pools, which are these tiny pools that happen in actually inside trees when you have a plant like a bromeliad or another plant where it traps rain water, and you can actually get a little microbiome in there, a little micro pool, and then by depositing the little tadpole

in there, it has its own little pool. It's relatively safe and sequestered, it doesn't have to compete with its siblings or with other tadpools, and then basically it grows up in its own little little watery crib, and so the fathers will go back and forth between its eggs and these little micro pools until it has successfully transported all of its tadpoles on its back to their own

little private pools. I'm exhausted. Were multiple kids to have their apartments, my lord, back and between really born with a silver silver fly in their mouths? Pond of the year for real, because no, imagine getting ready for school. I think I would just leave an well, good good news. You know, mothers do get to just take it easy after all, up to the little dad's yep. And that's what I like to call feminism. Yes, scom one. But the winner of most creative, most devoted, and most horrifying

parents carrying their babies is the Surinam toad. Oh look at him, who is a flatty And this is a very very interesting animal and I want you to bear with me as long as possible. We're going to to a little bit of a gross part. I will tell I will warn you before I go into description there. But these are they're really cool. So they are found in South America in slow moving streams and rivers. They're

about four inches big, which is about ten centimeters. They're kind of shaped like a pentagon or like a leaf, kind of helps with its camouflage. It's brown and flat. It does kind of look like a frog and a leaf combined into some kind of weird pokemon. It is also called the star fingered toad because it has long, pointy fingers with little star like protrusions that helps it

grip prey such as tiny fish and invertebrates. So so far, really fun, fun, charming, little little pokemon like toad, but the way it gives birth is fascinating, gross, and potentially triggering for people with triple phobia, which is the fear of clusters of things, either like clusters of holes or clusters of bumps. So if you want to skip ahead

for this section, I will provide a time stamp here. Okay, so I have spared you ladies actually putting the photo of this in the slide show because I wasn't sure. You know, it's one of those things that you can easily google, but I don't have to inflict it upon you.

So what happens is that first they will mate, which is typically what's necessary for reproduction, not always, but often, so the male toad will sound off with these seductive clicks underwater for the females, and if the female is impressed, she will go to the mail. The mail will get on top of the female and they'll start to do some sick kick flips as the female is laying eggs, so that as she's popping these eggs out, they're sort of like ping pong bawling like in between the toads,

so they form like a sandwich. So it's like the female and then on top of hers the eggs, and on top of that is the male. And as the male is fertilizing the eggs, he's also pushing them into

her back and they embed themselves into her back. And once that's done and the male goes away, those eggs that are now adhered to her back actually start to sink into her skin and her skin grows over them, and the effect is that it forms this honeycomb like structure of eggs on her back that looks slightly odd and possibly not fun to not fun and good to

look at. For me, it doesn't upset me, but I can see it definitely upsetting some people and testing it does look a bit like goose bumps, but the eggs eggs have to go through so much. I googled it like a fool, and I am regretting this. I feel like I feel like I googled it like a fool is sort of a tagline of this podcast. You're still great stuff. I can't. I'm horrified, and just the thought of egg covered skin keep looking bad news. We haven't

even gotten to the hatching part yet. Oh god. Okay, so the eggs actually fully developed into froglets, So they develop into tadpoles, but they stay under the skin, and then they develop into froglets, which are tiny frogs, and then once they're ready to come out, tiny fully developed little frogs will pop out of her back like pop worn And I mean she can lay up to a hundred eggs, so yeah, quite a few of these will hatch and come right out of there and just like

a fun bunch of confetti. But the confetti is tiny frogs and it's coming out of a frog back. Is that a good visual? I'm sorry, this is worth of the entire Beard episode. I'm so sorry, but this does not actually hurt the mother, so the mother will fully heal even though after the hatching. I'm sorry to say it, it's not a It doesn't. It's not a great look on account of there just being a bunch of you know, there's a bunch of holes in her back. It's not great.

It's not great to look at. But she'll heal and actually shed her top layer of skin and be totally fine and rare to go for a whole new set of babies. So I think it's one of those things that is far more horrifying for us to hear about than for the actual frog. They're like, what's your problem? Got a bunch of babies popping out of my back? So what deal with it? And she gets like a mommy makeover right afterwards, exactly exactly, goes to the spa, you know, just relaxes for a bit and then starts

the whole process all over again. I will be thinking about this in my nightmares, and I don't understand how science fiction has not picked up on this creature and made it the monster of all of our dreams. Yeah, I feel like I feel like alien. The movie would have been much more terrifying if instead of just being like one chest burster, it was like a hundred of them coming out of your back. It would not be

my favorite franchise if they did that. Yeah, yeah, but imagine Mother's Day, though, You've got like a hundred kids who are like, man, thank you for letting me just like pop out of your back, Like, here's a billion back massages forever this Mother's Day. You've ever gotten for Mother's Day? Do you think the kids would be responsible

to get good Mother's Day? Kiss? That is a good question. Oh, I didn't get a good gift, but it was sort of like my own thing that I already bought, But it was a new iPad because the iPad that I had became his iPad. I don't know when that transition happened, but it did. And I got a new one for Mother's da even though I had already purchased one for

myself that he now owns. So that's in a way that means that you can understand the Surinam toad because you had to relinquish your iPad and the Surinam toad had to relinquish her back. I mean, and you know it's similar. I listen, I will give that I've had up a million times before I relinquished my back. Do male seahorses really get pregnant? Well? Kind of females grow eggs and then deposit the unfertilized eggs inside the male's brood pouch of flexible skin that grows over his abdomen.

The male then fertilizes the eggs and will carry them as they develop into tiny baby sea horses, at which point he'll expel them with abdominal contractions like a baby squirt gun. When we return, we'll talk about some animal parents who really sacrifice it all for their kids. Animals aren't always the most devoted parents. Sometimes animals do no childcare, leaving their eggs or young to basically fin for themselves. Sometimes they even nibble on a few of their own

children just for a bit of extra nutrition. The parent offspring relationship in the wild can be complicated, but in these cases, the ears truly devote their whole lives, sometimes literally, to taking care of their offspring. So now we're going to talk about some of the sacrifices that parents make for their children. Now I can't speak to this, but stuff,

have you ever had to make sacrifices for your child? Yes, one major one before he was even born, because I thought, like, you know what, we'll put the pregnancy thing off or whatever. And so I bought seasons passes to a local theme park, thinking that I was going to get on this brand new roller coaster and enjoy my summer. And then I found out that I was pregnant in February. Um, and I was like, wow, So I'm just using this to go eat and walk around because I'm not writing anything.

So it was fine. Um, and then now I just sacrificed my snacks. So some up at light who am like a burglar, like trying to eat my own, my own snacks, and then like it gets stuff that I think he doesn't like, and then guess who like it? Those are your snacks? Those are my snacks. We and I say we loosely because I'm not a parent, but in general human parents often make a lot of sacrifices for their children, and so do animals, sometimes to extreme extents.

So here are our award winners of animals who make the most incredible sacrifices. In third place is the killed deer. So the killed deer, despite its very threatening name, is a little bird and it is a species of plover, which is a waiting bird found on the shorelines and wetlands of the America's and they have these long, runaway ready legs that allow them to wade on shorelines. And they're on the larger side of plover species, so they're

about tin and ches or twenty four long. They're light brown with white bellies and white and black bands on their heads and necks and red eyes. And I think they're I think they're kind of cute. They look like little um, you know, they look very fashionable to me, And when mating, the male will actually just like stand on top of the female like they're doing an acrobatic routine. It's pretty funny to me. Like I just assoomed in on the photo. I was like, is he sitting on her?

And he absolutely is? Um no comment, no comment that can freely be said on the right. I feel like, okay, so it's really bumping me out. Is how much bigger her son is than her? And why is she still carrying him? This looks like a full grown male bird and I know what that is. And they're mating. That's not yes, I thought we were talking about parents and it's like, oh, we're still the carrying part part where they were doing it. Okay, this is that's not his mother?

That is his lover um and I should carry all what is happy. I feel like this is meta in some way. I don't know how, but there's a message that we carry men on our backs. Yeah, okay, now I don't want to be eat graphic, but I have go for it questions because you think you typically in mating one person is behind the other or like the way that they're on top of each other. How is mating occurring? Well, so basically it's balance and good angling, I would say, like regular. So yeah, so like you,

he's got to get balanced on there. He's got to get the angle right and then with a few well placed wing beats and balance, you can you can do it. You can get you can get get it. In the goal, I have a new perspective, and it's this this woman is a badass, Like look at look at the strength in her legs to support this entire relationship and make this baby happen. Uh, this is a warrior. Yeah yeah, well wait until you hear about the sacrifices she makes

for her young. So she will lay her eggs on the ground, which can be a problem when it comes to predators. But she has a strategy, so she you know, she got her Bachelors of Arts in fine acting. And she will limp around, pretending to have a broken wing to entice predators to chase her and leave her eggs

or hatchlings alone. Oh so she'll like stick her wing out and kind of limp around and look really pathetic and make these very sorrowful calls as a predator is nearby, and the predators thinking, you know, oh well, you know, I was going to eat these little legs, but look there's this whole huge bird that I could eat, and it is injured, so this is gonna be easy pickens. And then once she's led it far enough away, she'll be like psych and fly off and return to her nest.

The dramatics. I love it, I really do. It's creative and how do these birds and I have a reality TV show? This is very bravo esque, the desperate house birds of the shore ways of the America's. So it is a bit of a risk though, because they're acting may work too well, and if the predator catches up

to them, it can actually kill them. So they have to act just enough and stay on the ground long enough that it really truly they sell the idea that they are actually injured and but then they have to try to escape, So it's a it's a bit of a tricky balance to both like act injured long enough to draw the predator away from their nest, but not too long that they actually get caught by the predator.

So really real high stakes method acting. Stick that in your pipe and smoke at Daniel day Lewis this remind me, uh, like, what do they call a stage? Moms like desperate to get their kids a part. Yeah, it's like causing a scene during somebody else's performance. What do oh no? And then she's like, hopefully they never remember that kid's performance.

My baby's stopped? Or what are like, what are those memes that are going around right now where videos where the kids call their and say, hey, I'm being followed right now. Um, I might get a speeding ticket. Act as though, like you fell on the floor. This is very much thing. I haven't seen this a TikTok thing. Um, it's a TikTok thing. I gotta get on the TikTok. It's probably time all the cool kids are in second

place for parents who sacrifices the most. We are actually going to talk about raya dad's rare dad's dads who do at all? So this bird is cute and I have never found a bird cut before. I'm so confused. I'll convert you at a certain dinosaurs. Oh but you know what, it's all the little baby birds around him. Yeah you so. Ria's are large flightless birds related to EMUs and ostriches. They are found in South America and wetlands,

savannah and grasslands. So they weigh around sixty pounds, which is abouts and they stand a little over four ft tall, so about one point five meters tall. And they look like a small emo. I would say, because that's what I thought they were. Yeah, well they are. They are related, so so yeah, all it all works out. It all makes sense. And so males will advertise themselves to females and if the female is impressed, they'll mate, and then that's about as traditional as it gets. And then we

get into the crazy world of rhead ads. So the male will lead the female to his nest after copulation so she can lay her eggs. But he's so protective of his nest he'll actually be aggressive towards the mother of his own offspring and she approaches his nest, and he'll only relax once he's completely convinced that all she's

there to do is lay her eggs and leave. And the reason he's so on edge is that he is a proud papa with a bunch of different mamas because with multiple females and becomes a single dad of many many mothers and raises a huge clutch of eggs. So also, don't worry there is gender parody when it comes to sex. For the re Is, females will get it on with multiple males as well, so they're having a good time and then they don't even have to take care of

the eggs. So how do we sign up? Like why if were like having a bunch of kids with a bunch of different women, but like actively eager to just be like, no, these are my children, now I run this. It's not even the half of it, because males can sometimes be responsible for up to eighty eggs at a time, and each egg is is pretty big, so they're about the size of like a mango. They're not as big as an ostrich egg, but yeah, they they're still pretty sizeable.

I keep thinking about how it would make a great poached egg, but that's maybe inappropriate. Right now we're talking. We're all hungry. God would make a great omelet, but he has to be because of predators like me that

wants to eat these these great omelets. He has to be extremely protective of the nest to keep the eggs safe as they incubate for six weeks, and he'll he will deprive himself of food to keep watched, so he may only get about a fourth of his normal amount of nutrition during this time because he's spending so much time watching the nest. And right before the eggs hatch,

this is really cute. The chicks inside the eggs will issue little pop rocket like calls, like little tiny fireworks that helped them all coordinate their hatching so they all come out more or less at the same time, which is really important when you have a bunch of eggs from a bunch of different mothers and one incredibly flustered,

stressed out dad. I want this movie or this TV series right now, So instead of taking you know, let me go save my kids, let me show you how how I protect eighty eight of them all at the same time. I want this. Give this one. Male can have one, right, Yes, yeah, I mean it'd be It'd be the ultimate TLC show, wouldn't it. And I would

watch so fas maybe like eighty children others too. We don't even Oh my god, I try to picture what it must be like inside the eggs, like now no, not now, okay, that one wants to go, you feed up because we all need to be on the same schedule here. Yeah. Now, I know a dad can like father eighty of them, but how does he protect eighty Like are the father's nesting like near each year or sadly probably not all of them are going to reach maturity, probably not even all of them are going to hatch.

And typically like once they hatch, I would say the whether or not they even start out with eighty, the group of like hatchlings is around I would say like twenty to thirty, which is still a lot, which is still a lot. Uh, And once they hatch, he is just extremely, extremely devoted to them, to the point that he will actually adopt missing chicks. So if one stressed out dad accidentally leaves behind a chick and then it bumps into another group with another stressed out dad, that

Dad's just gonna be like you want to mind. I don't care. Get in here. We're all, we're all, we're all getting ice cream. Wow. What a phenomenal dream Daddy Bird Edition. I love these dad bods on these dad birds. Ah, these are some lucky bird women bird ladies. Just like it's there's something so there's something so hot about a guy who is a devoted dad. And I would say that these birds, I mean, these are just like the dad birds of the year. I'm not saying that. I'm

not saying I think these birds are hot. I'm saying theoretically, you know what I mean. Yeah, I think he might be the most impressive dad the animal pean. I know we're not done with our yet, but he's obviously a front running contender for sure. Yeah, he truly deserves the mug that says number one dad. If you have a mug that says number one dad, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Put that mug down. Give it to aurea. You're not doing it. I'm sorry. But in first place for the

parent that makes the most sacrifices is the octopus. Because octopus mothers will take care of their young to such an extent that they will completely exhaust their resources and they will actually die. It's one of those things where it's kind of beautiful, but it's also extremely tragic and at the same time incredibly fascinating how this works. So octopus mothers, or as I like to call them, octomoms, remember, remember, guys, remember Fortunately, yes, absolutely sadly, they are some of the

most devoted and self sacrificing mothers in nature. They reproduce only once and they really make it count. So, after a female octopus mates, she will find a din, lay her eggs, and then devote the rest of her life caring for all of her eggs. So she doesn't eat, she doesn't go anywhere. All she does is protect them and carefully woff water over them, which aerates them so they get fresh oxygen. And for some species this process

has been recorded as lasting up to fifty three months. Yes, so you may be wondering, well, how can an octopus live without eating for fifty three months? That can't possibly be true. Well, for some octopuses, their din is deep in the ocean in very cold old waters, and her activity drops to almost being in a state of stasis where she is just covering her eggs, maybe gently wafting some water and aerating them. But that's all she does, so she's in a state of suspended motherhood, which is

kind of eerie. It's it's strange that sounds like a horror movie. It does a little bit doesn't really honestly does. But also at the same time, the dedication in my head is off to her beautiful but also chilling. I don't know's i'd I imagine a sweet smile with like a very eerie sound coming from like a music box. This is what I'm picturing right now. I've never seen the movie Mother but and I know it has absolutely nothing to do with octopus. But that's just going to

be for no one. Do we know that for sure? I'll find out there's in a cold Kidman ghost movie, or she just is a ghost and she stays with her children. Do you guys know this movie? Yes? For um, I think there's so many ghost small movies though others. Yes, I remember this movie. Listen, it's a two thousand one horror movie. If you're interested and your parents say it's okay, check it out. It's super good. But listen, like she is just like a down to ride moms. I want

to take care of these kids. And I'm gonna protect them from these weird new people living in our house that I don't know and I don't like, and I just really, I really respect it. And again she died protecting them, and even after death, still watching over them. I thought you, I forgot that you were talking to our audience, and I thought you were telling me to ask mind her permission me too to watch this movie. I'm an adult. I'm an adult. I know what I want.

Because I definitely was going to call my mom like, hey, yeah, remember this. I do love you, Mom and dad. If you're listening, they do listen, So Hi, Mom and Dad, I love you. After I'm awarding all of these animal parents number one, this and that, but you're the real number ones, Mom and Dad. They're the ones. They are very nice. I'm glad they're not like these animal parents though,

because that would be weird. So the octopus mothers do this insane strategy because it helps protect the eggs and gives them enough time to grow big enough that when they hatch, they have a much better chance of survival for a lot of ocean dwelling animals. When these eggs hatch, they're so teeny tiny that most of them end up just as snack food for other fish. So by investing all of this time and energy into caring for her eggs, first of all, she protects the eggs themselves from getting

eaten up. And by being so devoted to them for so long, it gives them a chance to get a little bigger so that they have a much higher survival rate. And research has shown that octopus mothers are pre programmed to self destruct after laying and hatching their eggs. So it's not just that like you can't go up to a mother octopus and hand her like some kind of like octopus chow and she she won't eat it. She's

just not interested. They refuse food that's offered to them, and in captivity, after their eggs hatch, they go into this weird self destruct sort of zombie mode where they actually will sometimes bang their head against the fish tank to like go into this death spiral. It's super super horrifying and weird. Um they'll even like start to just like chew off their own tentacles. It's like, I know, it's like it's like a zombie movie but with a mom like mom bees, I'm sorry, but I'm so weirdly, Um,

I feel inspired by this in a creative way. In a creative way, but this is just don't eat your own hand I okay. I feel like if I tried to put this in a movie, people like, what do you try to say about moms? Was done with raise your children? Die now? Although maybe I'll be like, that's what society tells moms to do. Okay. It does seem a little anti feminist, doesn't it. I'm just so sad. Why did nature do this? Explain this so extreme? Nature only cares if you pass on your jeans, that's all

it cares about. I know it's a weird thing to think about, but researchers have actually identified the part of the octopus that seems to be responsible for this self destruct thing. There's like a literal self destruct button. It's called the optic gland. It's a gland similar to the pituitary gland in land animals. The pituitary gland is something that regulates hormones, and in octopuses it seems to do

the same thing. So when this optic gland is removed, the female octopuses, after laying their eggs, just abandoned them kept eating kept mating when about life as normal. So it seems like this optic gland has some kind of hormone regulation that programs the mother octopus to sacrifice herself for her young. So much sci fi good, it just makes no sense. Could you imagine a movie where they send women to this island or whatever they implant this

thing and it's so terrible? Someone right there island up the octowomen? How is this not a movie from the nineteen fifties. I don't really. It really fits in with like the whole fifties philosophy of women being mothers and housewives too, you'd think, right, I mean, I guess like Stepford Wives and Handmaid's Tale does kind of like touch on these kinds of themes. But we haven't had a movie where there are mom octopus hybrids, and I think we need one. I mean, why not? Yeah? Why not?

I think this is a really cool joke of nature. Like I I really like people be like nature, like you crazy, you know, but nature? What the hell? It's just really need? Do you ever thinks like aggressive? I do not like it. Yeah. Well they're off to fish college now die, They're not actually fish. I'm sorry. I apologize for that joke for being inaccurate. They are not fish. Their cephalopods also, just so you don't feel like there's

some kind of gender inequity here. Um. Male octopuses also don't really last that much longer after after they fertilize their eggs, which is kind of odd. They have a pretty short lifespan, only about two years, so it's not like the males go off and have a long life ahead of them. It's it's just to me, it's actually really sad. I love octopuses. They're really intelligent, and I kind of hate that they have such a short lifespan.

I want I know this is getting into sort of the mad science kind of playing god territory, but if we could like figure out how to genetically engineered octopuses that live longer and have fulfilling lives and hobbies, I'd be happy. And they just down there and then they'll be our overlords because that what happened, and like, yeah, but it's fine, but they's but they're they're cute and playful. They like squirt water at aquarium keepers and stuff, so

I feel like they'd be fun overlord. I'd take it to Octopuses aren't the only animal moms who die shortly after they're young are born. There are many other similar Paris animals. That is, animals who reproduce once and die soon after. This includes salmon who spawn and spend so much energy on their upstream migration that they go right

to salm and heaven. May flies adult forms live for only twenty four hours, just long enough to mate and kick the bucket and mail marsupial mice well mate themselves to death when we return. Will conclude on a lighter note, parents who not only go on to have more than one kid, but grow up with their children and their grandchildren,

and sometimes they're great grandchildren. Now we're going to talk about animal babysitters Clubs, which is actually a book series that I never read as a kid because it sounded super boring. You don't be mad about Babysitters club right now, really, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sure it's great, but to me as a child, I was like, I want to read a book about like fighting bears or something. I don't want to read a book about babysitting. That's barring

beautiful friendship. And Claudia with the style, if you like replaced, if you replace like half of the babysitters with like maybe various animals, like you know, there's Claudia and Betty, and I don't actually know their names. But then like Cynthia is like like a lion, and she may babysit or she may nibble some of them, you don't know, more like a sloth, like watching the kids from a farm but not really paying a definitely not moving fast

enough to keep up with these babies. Combine the genres of animorphs and babysitters club and I'm sold on your mind, because since they're actually in my mind. I was thinking that right now because I've only seen the movie. I've never read the books because same I said, now, why would I want to read about what I do every day with my brothers? So scientifically speaking, because I'm a huge nerd, babysitters clubs in nature is called elo parenting.

So that's when you have individuals other than the parents helping to look after the young. And this actually happens relatively often, especially in more intelligent animals, and it's adorable every time, and I love it. So we're gonna talk about some of the best babysitters clubs in the wild. So in third place is the cotton top tamarinds, who are adorable, the cutest. I love these little monkeys they are. They're so cute. I actually used to take care of

cotton top tamarinds. Uh. They were in a behavioral study and I would feed them, and sadly I couldn't like cuddle them because it was like all extremely regulated, like you don't want to touch them, and you don't want to like you know, it's like all these concerns about passing on diseases. So I was in like full like you know, protective gear to protect them from my nasty

human germs. But they were so cute and they would like tug on my lab coat and like I would have like a handful of raisins that I could feed them because like they loved raisins, and it was just like like they would like tug on me and be like I want to raise the So how did you explode from all the cuteness? I don't know. I don't know. They were extremely extremely cute. So they are found in tropical forests in mostly in Colombia. They are really small

monkeys actually one of the world's smallest. They grow only about ten inches, which is about cis long. Uh, and that's not including their tail. They actually have a long tail which is about uh fifteen inches or forty cimeters long, So they're mostly tail, but they are teeny tiny. They have these little grayish black faces and then these huge white hair dues that are these like tufts of wild fur on the tops of their heads and on their chest. They kind of look they have Einstein hair, you know

what I mean? Yes, or you could listen children again, ask your parents, but if you could see mad Max thunder Joel has this white like poof streak afro straightened thing going on, and it's identical to what's happening on the contact Heir and so bears. It's so cute, can confirm.

And their little tummies are also white and fluffy. They're they're just they kind of look a little bit like an orchestra conductor with their wild white hair and then like these little it almost looks like they're wearing a little tuxedos. It's they're very cute. They are extremely cute, and they're very very emotionally intelligent. They are critically endangered sadly, and they're just so there are such sweet little animals.

They have this really interesting breeding strategy. So groups of these tamarinds, which are typically families that can be around tin individuals, will care for a set of twins from

the dominant breeding pair. So the there's a dominant pair who and they almost always give birth to twins, which is really interesting, and they will this whole group will just take care of the twins and like lavish all their attention on these newborns, on these little babies, and the dominant mother actually tries to make sure that she's the only one giving birth at that time by expressing pheromones that delays puberty and prevents other females from breeding

at that time, so that they all can just devote all of their time and intention to these two little babies. Humans need, when need, the ability to do exactly this. Like we're all gonna raise this baby at a time. I think everyone could get a nap. Steph could keep her snacks, alright, it's no problem, Yeah, snacks, I'm gonna get the kids. Snacks were totally fine. We're distracting him with games, you know, we're using our very long tails to sling around. I don't know, I really enjoy the

idea of this communal child. Yeah, well to two children at two babies twins so cute, and it is it's actually for the exact reason that you are saying. It is so that they because if you can imagine like two parents taking care of two little twins, and they're like literally little monkeys, so you know, all the mischief they're trying to get into and it's really difficult. But when you have a whole group taking care of them, the survival rate of these little babies is much much improved.

And you may be wondering, little what's in it for the other Tamarins who are not parents, like they don't get to be parents. But the thing is that the composition of these groups changes. So as those babies grow up and they are become independent, now you have new mothers that and new fathers that become the new dominant breeding pair in their own group, which can have like parts of the old group. It can they change it up.

So then basically what you get is that younger females, younger males learn how to be parents, and then they can go on and then become parents themselves, and then they have their own group of very helpful youngsters to help them raise their children. So it's a really successful strategy, and I think it's really sweet, and they all behave

very altruistically. They'll share food, they'll babysit, they're really excited by it to like the younger monkeys like often really really want to spend time with a baby, and sometimes they can't even spend as much time as they want to because they're younger. And the older ones who are like, hey, hey, like you know, calm down, like you don't know what you're doing. I okay. Imagine a world where everyone's had an opportunity to know what it's like to be a

parent before you have to actually be a parent. You have so many more healthy adults. But I mean, it's not enough to learn how to take care of a sack of flower for a week, and or I've learned you cannot get your child wet or else they get all stucky. I mean, isn't it? It's true? A little a little true, And you shouldn't make your child to turn your child into cookies because then you get a d and you come Jeffrey, what happened? I mean, you know you have it, you have your baby sack of flour.

What's the harm and using a couple of cups of those to make some delicious nickerdoodles. But apparently it's you're responsible, boom. But in second place for cutest babysitter club is the Barbary macaques, So again we're sticking with the primates. These are monkeys found in Algeria and Morocco in the Atlas Mountains, and there's a small group in Gibraltar. So they are these they're bigger than the cotton top tamarins. There this light yellowish brown and they're very fluffy. They weigh around

twenty to thirty pounds. They're they're about like ten to seventeen ms. Males tend to be heavier and bigger than the females, and they have these little pinkish faces and little stubbed tails, and they are very very cute. Their faces look a little bit like me after I get sunburned at a beach. Not anymore, I'm staying inside all the time now. Those sunburns for me healthiest skin ever.

So like cotton topped tamarinds, they also engage in collective parenting where they just take care of each other's young. It's just this one big whole parents club and they love it. And to the point where Barbara Macaque males love to show off their young to other males. It doesn't even have to be their own kids. They will pick up a random baby and show it off to

each other and form this dad club. And they use the babies as an ice breaker to interact socially with each other, like, hey, look at this baby I've got, And then the other one's like, oh yeah, well look at my baby. It's like I like your baby too, and they just form. It's like it's like Pokemon, but with babies, and they love showing them off. They don't make them fight, but they do love showing them off. I love this so much. It makes me think of

daddy daycare, but just a little primates. It's the cutest thing because who doesn't love a dad who knows what their child likes? You know, there doesn't love a proud dad. Many times where I tell my husband, hey, I'm tapping out for about an hour, um see y'all when I wake up, and he's proud to take up take them in. They play Mario and they do things, and I'm pretty sure if there was like a dad coalition outside, he'd bring them take her son outside and hold him up

like some We need more dad clubs. We can go outside again. Whenever that happens, When we can go outside again, this is look. We are preparing for a new world post pandemic, and we need to start starting the plans for dad clubs, right, like clubs for dads to show off their kids and have fun together as dads and do all little dad things, like all the things that make you cringe as them all. I can't even I feel like I can't like joke about what dads would

do together without being insulting. But I do imagine things like laughing about farts and stuff. But maybe that's generalizing. I'm sorry, no, So I've heard for fart jokes before recording, so it's not far and actually and I gave one of those jokes. So we do need gender parody when it comes to fart jokes. That's another another change that we have to make in the better, brighter world post post quarantine. So the collective parenting and social parenting with

these barbary macaques, but in other animals as well. Solves this problem of uncertain parenthoods. So when you can't be certain of paternity, so you can either like compete or try to guard the females, make sure she doesn't mate with anyone else. You can like, they're even strategies of killing the offspring of other males, and it can get

quite nasty. Or you can go in the other direction and just decide, hey, instead of just being jerks to each other, let's just collectively raise all are young together so that they all have a better chance at survival. And then we don't even have to worry about whose kids who or or whose name? Water? You know, whose sippy cup is? Whoever sippy cup? I think it's beautiful down with the patriarchy, no last name, none of them. You belong to no man. We are a group of

people perspective. I'm down for all of this. I feel like this has been such an aggressively feminist episode Moms Yes to the point of absurdity, where it's like men should have eighty children at once and take care of them all by themselves. Oh great world, And men were distracted with children all the time, they could not be getting us into so much trouble. Okay, where you could be out doing things right angry comment or we'd goku for twenty saying like this is this is sexist against men.

You want us to raise eighty children by ourselves? What literally do you want us to take care of eighty eggs? Feminism has gone too far? I'm sorry, we'd go. I truly am so speaking of the matriarchy and first place the most Incredible Animal Babysitters Club. Of course this is all subjective, but I do think I am actually correct. Is elephants. So, elephants are incredible animals. They are intelligent, they live quite a long time. Their lifespans can be

similar to humans. Elephants have some of the cutest babies, and boy do they know it. So elephants social structure is actually really interesting. So elephants form matriarchal groups, so it's full of females and young males. When the males reach maturity, they typically disperse from the group, and these bowls, which are male elephants, will sometimes live alone. Sometimes they go and find other bachelors, and sometimes they kind of go and find other groups of um these sort of

matriarchal groups and like go and mate with them. But they're usually kind of at the periphery of these matriarchal groups because you know, bulls can represent a threat to the female, so they are a little bit wary of them. But it's not you know, they can't have friendly relations with with these groups. And sometimes, like a group of bulls and a group, a matriarchal group of elephants will actually come together, especially in in times of hardship, and

kind of work together. So it's really interesting. It's hard to simply state one generalization about elephants socialization because it's very complex, very interesting. They're just so intelligent that they have these extremely complex social interactions. UM. But generally speaking, I just said I wouldn't generalize, and now I'm gonna, but matriarchal groups of elephants are often family. Not always

they can invide, they can welcome unrelated individuals into their herd. UM, but it is almost always it's it's basically always headed by an elder matriarch and when she dies, she is almost always replaced by her closest living relative, which is usually her daughter. And they these matriarchs really they lead their herd, they show them where to go to get water and food and where to migrate to to avoid

uh these dry spells and other areas they contain. They live so long, they have all of this information they've gathered over this whole lifetime, so they are extremely valuable to the herd, and having a matriarch that has had a lot of experience really improves the herd's survival. And the death of a matriarch in an elephant herd seems to cause genuine grief and stress in the surviving group members.

So Breese searchers have measured increased levels of stress hormones UH in the elephants poop, which is a little bit awkward because I imagine these researchers show up to an elephant funeral and they're like, you know, my condolences, my condolences, Uh, don't mind if I just scoop some of this into it, just to I'm so sorry for your loss, but just gonna take a little bit of that poop. So, yeah, they have extreme emotional connections to the matriarchs, and they

also have an extreme extreme emotional reaction to babies. They elephants are baby crazy. They love them. They will it is such a big to do when a new baby is born. Babies take up to two years to just state and it is a big, big deal, and the whole herd will fawn over the calf. They will try to stroke it with their trunks and like crowd around.

Sometimes the mother actually just kind of piste off because everyone's crowding around her baby, and she gets kind of protective and doesn't want them to keep poking at it, but like they're just like so excited, they will crowd around. And elephant babies are are real handfuls, I guess, trunk fulls but ump ump and having the experience of older mothers in the heart is essential to take care of these little rascals because they are clumsy, they are curious.

They will run around, trip over their own trunk, get into all sorts of mischief, and if you're a new mother, it can be really overwhelming. So you need the collective experience of the matriarch, your aunts, your sisters, and the help even of like your younger siblings or younger female elephants you may not have experienced raising young but are very willing to help out. So the old their mothers will teach new mothers all sorts of tricks on how to take care of their young, so like they will

even like show them how to nurse. Like they'll like really like sort of like gently guide them, like here's how you nurse. Sometimes not so gently, like physically shoving them in the right position to help them nurse their young. They will basically call attention, like you need to pay attention to your kid when this happens. You have to do this. They can get really bossy, especially the matriarch. She can be kind of kind of tough on new

mothers because she's trying to show them. Look, you have to like when your elephant trips over, you've got to come over and help them up, like this is a problem. So it's really fascinating to observe these elephants working together because it is so clear that you have this like learning going on, this teaching of this is how you take care of your young. And I'm gonna show you and you're gonna listen to me because you respect me as your matriarch. Step sounded annoying, your helpful um a

little bit of both, a little bit of both. I'd imagine that is how the elephants feel about it too, because like you go from no child to a child in you know, just there they are and you're wondering, so when does motherhood hit me? Like is that just blossom all of a sudden. So I was very happy to have my mom and my grandmother there too, you know, tell me how to do this net but also at the same time, like they knew when to back off, because yeah, it's a lot, this is extreme, auntie Grandma,

but he yes. And on the one hand, I've been graping a lot lately about the laugh of grandma's in films. I think it's a by small. Grandma's are amazing human beings, atypically, both grandmas are super awesome, and it upsets me that we do not honor them in our films, like giving them full characters and making them real people. And so I appreciate elephants being like, no, our matriarch is it, and she's she's our literal queen. I think it was

like gorgeous Grandma day. Actually it will probably be about a week ago when this came out, but yesterday I think it was gorgeous Grandma. What I missed it those photos of my grannys who are anti first, but my grandmother has quite a collection and she stunts in them.

Oh man, but yeah, it's it is, it is. I do think like we do need an actual good movie about elephants and show, you know, I would love to see an animated adventure of these elephants matriarchs and how they take care of their herd and maybe there's a young young elephant who's learning how to be a leader and stuff in SEUs and conflict an elephant resolution. Did

you an elephants uh episode? Um like documentary that is super good that has a ton of baby elephant footage if that's your vibe and you feel like Dumbo has crowded the animated scene for far too long on elephants more elephant movies. Yes, also Dumbo is I mean, there's problemat problematic, but it's also inaccurate to take that Dumbo because like those those the elephant ladies would not turn

on Dumbo just because he's got big years. They they would, you know, basically be like, hey, listen, we're going to help you raise your baby because we are incredibly excited about this. So it's it's uh yeah, sorry, not a good movie. Like they were brutal too, They reminded me of um some ladies at church who So you are not the pappy you would you would learned there. But

real life elephants are incredible. They just there's something about that where I think, as humans, we think we're the only ones who spread information from generation to generation, were the only ones with a history and passing on traditions, and that's absolutely not true. And that is definitely very much an aspect of elephant life where they are passing on important information to new mothers from old mothers and grandmothers and aunts and sisters, and it's it's wonderful. It's

a circle. For real. I want to attend an elephant baby shower. Actually I kind of do too. I'd be into it. Actually, So, as a human, you're probably not going to be welcome to an elephant baby shower because they are so protective. But there are cases of elephants who have been rescued by humans being comfortable enough with their human rescuers to come around to show off their babies.

So it's actually a video here. I let me post it in the Please let me save an elephant so I can meet its You do have to first save the save the elephant though, that's like an important you know, sure, sure, sure listen, and I saying I want to manufacturer small accident, but you god, really baby, some misery stuff here elephant version of misery. Um. Yeah, no, but you you have to save an elephant, raise that elephant, and then wait

for that elephant. Got a. Wait two years for the baby, just state then wait for wait, have probably another year or so until she feels comfortable bringing around and then yeah, but yeah, I just I posted that YouTube in the slide show that you can look at. But five year plan, got it? Two years of pregnancy is a video all

included in the show notes. It's um. An elephant Orphans was rescued by an elephant sanctuary called Sheldrick Trust in Nairobi, Kenya, and she was successfully rehabilitated and released back into the wild. And then she came back to show them her baby that she had, and they called the baby Lily, and she was comfortable enough to allow her rescuers to touch her baby and pet her and feel her trunk, which is like one of the most intimate things that an

elephant can allow you to do with her baby. So you know, the whole thing about like, oh, an elephant never forgets. They do have a very long memory, and they will remember if you if you do them a good one, and they'll let you see their baby. I can't believe people are mean to elephants. They're so nice. They love their babies, Like, why are you sitting on them in the ocean? Off these beautiful creatures. Do not write elephants, you guys, it's not fun, it's not grammable,

it's mean. Don't do it. They just they mind their business and you just have to respect that. Well. They mind their business visa the humans, but not when some want. Not when an elephant has a baby, because then they've got something to say that. They have opinions. They have opinions. A bunch of backseat parenting going on here apparently. But yes, congratulations elephants for winning Best Babysitters Club Award, well deserved. Before we sign off here, I do want to issue

a correction. What should we I'm probably going to make more mistakes in the future. What should we like name our corrections segment like auto Bird correct I don't know, Uh yeah, edification station, I don't know, but yes I did an oopsie goofer last episode. I incorrectly said leopards live in South America. I was thinking of jaguars the other spotty kiddies. So I was talking about how leopards

and lions can hybridize and have offspring um. But also jaguars and lions also do hybridize, forming jag lions UM. And so I was thinking of jaguars. They live in South America. Leopards are actually found in sub Saharan Africa and Western and Central Asia and on the Indian subcontinent, and they do sometimes clash with lions in terms of their territory overlapping, so they may encounter each other in

the wild. Very unlikely they're gonna fall in love and have babies, more likely gonna get mad at each other. And in terms of like differences between leopards and jaguars, leopards are a little bit smaller than the jaguar, and jaguars live in South and Central America. And uh, here's

just like kind of an interesting fact. What we know as black panthers are often just melanistic jaguars, because there's no such thing as like a black panther species, like black panthers just being any species in the panthera group that is melanistic, so like a black panther, maybe a melanistic or black fur jaguar. The black panther who is Bagira in the Jungle Book would probably be a melanistic

Indian leopard. So yeah, there you go. Some quick cat facts and correction on my Whoopsie Goofer last last episode. That's the here name of this Whoopsie geofer. Whoopsie Goopers. She had like a boiling sound of back down there, want want want want um. But thank you so much Steph for joining us today. And thank you so much Joel, our producer on the Hot mic. Uh steph Uh do you have anything to plug? I actually I know you

didn't actually do. UM. If you would like to support any of my work, my web comics, UM, please please check out parenthood activate. Um you actually go to parenthood activate dot com. I promise there. It's just fun things going on with mom in and trying to just keep this four year old alive because that is the goal. Um.

You can support my other comics if you really love superheroes. Um, but what if though on Patreon, so just search that and you'll be able to find it in both comics you can find on web tunes under the same name and also on Instagram, so please give it a check. But I think you all if you enjoy this, so you'll really in love um parenthood Activate because the very first web comic was me um asking for peto requests from my child, which he denies. So there's that. It's

manager's children, truly. No days off and you can find us at Creature feature Pod on Instagram at Creature feet Pod on Twitter. That's f e A T, not f e T. That's something very different. I am at Katie Golden on Twitter you can check out my Katie thoughts and as always I am pro bird rights on Twitter where I proposed that birds birds as best. I mean, I know you disagree. Joel h Joel, Can people find

you on Twitter? Sure? Yeah, I'm Joemanique all over the internet and find me at j O E L L E m O N. I qu that that sounded like a song to me. Thank you guys so much for listening. If you're enjoying the show, if you leave a rating or review or subscribe, that actually really really helps me out. I read it all of the reviews. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for listening, and thanks to the Space Cossex for their awesome song Exo Lumina Preach Your

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