Goofballs

but we love them. Discover this more as we answer the angel question do you want a vacation on a pile of poop? Joining me today is comedian Goofy Animal Lover, also study evolutionary biology and the host of Jeff Has Cool Friends Jeff May welcome. Hey, it's me. It's me. It's me. I'm the host of Jeff Has Cool Friends and forty other podcast There's so many of them I love. I'm so excited. I'm so excited to talk about Goofy

goofy idiots. I love it so much that I yes, I asked you to come on the show, and I asked what you want to talk about? You're like goofy goofy guys. I like a goof like a good I like somebody that looks like he'd be like, that's the kind of animal that I want. Oh yeah, we got lots of those. In fact, the first one I think looks more than anything like he would sound like that. Uh So, what's what is your opinion of rhinos, Jeff?

I like, I think they're pretty chill. I like that they have real dinosaur energy, even though they're not like you know, they they're like, let's put a weapon on me. Yeah, I think that's really fun. A visible weapon on an animal. I think is is is really fun when you think about rhinos and you think about like or elephants with tusks or an our wall or something like that, when you're like, oh, they got like a got like a

shank on them. I always find that very fascinating that we just let like we just let like evolutionary biology leads to the coolest looking things and like why do they have that? And like oh there's a reason. Yeah, yeah, I like it when it's just kind of stuck on to like it and then we just put a horn right here sticking on. They're like little little tanks. They're like little little little little living tanks. I think that's real funn it's super fun. And there are actually multiple

species of rhinos. There are five species, and one of the much lesser known species is the Sumatra and rhino, and this is a fascinating little rhino. They are found in the forests on the island of Sumatra, although they once had a much wider range, and they are the smallest of the rhinos and are critically endangered due to over hunting, poaching, and illegal logging, the usual suspects. Uh. Yeah, so there are under one hundred Sumatran rhinos that still

exist in the wild. So these are very rare and we don't know as much about them as we should if they weren't so endangered. But what we do know about them is really interesting. Despite being the smallest rhino,

they're still pretty big. They're about one thousand, eight hundred pounds or eight hunds and are a little under five ft tall or one and a half meters, So that's nothing to sneeze at, no, But I would say I was a little bit bummed because I was like, a tiny rhino, I just want to it's about a thousand pounds and I'm like, it would be harder to create

a lit I'm still going to try. I mean the fact it's like under five ft tall though, and you could be like, hey, little buddy, you know yeah, real petting zoo energy out of an animal that size, Yeah, probably like not. But also I want it to be you know what I mean? No, if if it was, if it was a dangerous animal, why would it look like I should be writing it right now, right exactly? Yes? That that is the that is the correct way to view wildlife is if it looks like I should write it,

I should definitely get on it. Just make sure your life insurance is sort of squared away with that one. I mean, if you don't try, I don't know why you're even here. But if you're not even making the attempt, that is that That is the sort of decision making a lot of people have when it comes to like bison, where they're like, you're just a big furry cow, and

then suddenly you're like high fiving Abraham Lincoln in heaven. Yeah, bison, bison, remember what happened in the late They're not going to let that go no, so sue much. And Rhinos are also known as the hairy rhino. Because they are covered in a fine layer of reddish brown hair, especially on its ears and on its tail, so they are, you know, shockingly furry. And I'm expected not to pet this baby. I mean, I feel like you you could try and

then enjoy your last few moments on earth. We really would, I really would enjoy the moments like if that that's there's no better way to go out, right, Yeah, petting a cute but dangerous animal. Yeah, bliss, you know, And and then all of a sudden you're like, wow, that

was great. Yeah, you know, you don't have to go through like a really uncomfortable ride home, like you ever go on a road trip, and the part where you have to go home and you're like this is taking forever and I'm already the high is gone and I'm just miserable. Now you're not gonna get that if you had that sweet baby biscuit, And then the next thing you know, you're in heaven, and in heaven you just get to keep petting it. It's great. A great way to save on gas is to get trampled by an

angry rhino mother. Um, yes, absolutely, And with gas prices this high, I mean, who wouldn't who wouldn't look a rhino gift rhino in the mouth, So losing money not petting the rhino is what I'm saying. So they're the adult rhinos are quite fluffy, but the babies are extremely hairy and very very silly looking. They don't really look real. Their horns haven't really grown in yet, and so they look just like this fuzzy muppet with like a big

nose and fluffy ears. They don't. They look like some kind of reconstruction of bad taxidermy, reconstruction of like an extinct wooly rhino baby. But they're real. The Henson energy off of the baby is unreal. If you look at a photo of the baby, you're like, that's not a real animal, right right, You're like, this is a puppet and it's gonna be in the New Dark Crystal movie. Look at its face. It's it's so funny because it has like a it has like the face of a

different animal. It looks like an animal wearing a mask. I know, yeah, because like the face has less hair on it, so it's like you stuck sort of a weird I mean, it's not even really a rhino face because the horns haven't really developed yet, but it looks like you stuck something on like a big sort of koala's body, and it looks like it looks like kind of like a wild boar wearing like a like a bootleg Joe camel mask, right, And it's got a little bit like a little bit of an underbyte going on

in this picture. I don't think it typically has an underbyte, but this one's chewing on some grass, So this one's kind of got a little bit of the a what you do and kind of look going on. So why do you so? Watching rhino's have hair, One would think that it's for warmth, but the opposite is actually true. The rhino uses mud to keep cool and keep pests off its skin. Have you ever done like a mud mask, you know, for relaxation beautification purposes. I'm neither relaxed nor beautiful. Never,

I've never been able to get involved in. I mean, I may have like I've worn, I've worn mud masks. I guess I've never done a mud bath or anything. I've never done like full on get in, get in a big pool of mud type of thing. But I've definitely tried the mud masks. The thing is like mud masks.

Like when your face, you know, doesn't have a lot of hair, it's fine, but like if you put it on, like you know, say, like I put it on a leg or an arm and there's like some hair there, even if it's just peach fuzz, you try to get it off, It's like when it dries, it gets really stuck through the hairs, and it's not the best situation. I'm a bearded gent so I would have to say that maybe this is not the best process for me

to do. If I, if I do put a mask on, it would have to it would basically look like a Domino mask. I'd look like the Ultimate Warrior or something like that. It is kind of fun, like I I have a mud mask that's sort of like as it dries, it kind of constricts your face. So I very much look like a desiccated corpse with it on, and I it is fun, especially like wandering sneak up on my husband and just kind of like like I prilly, so yes.

So the the same principle of why when you have like a dried mud mask on, like a hairy part of your body kind of hurts if it's not like if you don't get it completely wet to wash it off. That's the same reason that these rhinos have this hair. The mud sticks to their hide really well, sticks and gets right into that hair, sticks into that hair, and then it keeps them cool and it prevents pests and parasites from getting onto their skins. I know the I mean,

these guys really are living the spa lifestyle. They love to wallow in pools of mud and just relax and feel beautiful. That makes me think that that's why I put would put a mud mask on, is to keep parasites off. It's a smart decision. I think we can all agree that that's the correct decision. Yeah. Yeah. They despite their like muddy, scrappy, kind of goofy appearance, looking like weird prehistoric muppets, they are agile swimmers, climbers and runners,

and they're surprisingly whet footed. They're so compact, you know, just a little little guys, little turbo dudes. Just they're little fast tanks. Right. I love them so much. Get in my arms a little little hairy baby. Oh gosh, I would love to cuddle this baby before getting absolutely pulverized by its mother. So they're not particularly social. They usually only hang out in mother calf pears, or they

may meet to mate. To mark their territory, they'll actually scrape up a little divt with their hind legs and then poop and pea in it, so you know, it's just like here's my calling card. Here's a little little mini hole with my poop in it. Yeah exactly. They make a little a little latrine, yeah exactly, and that's like,

this is my area, here's my turlet. Uh. They also poop and pee excessively in response to threats, so like if a human approaches them, they're actually pretty skittish of humans because they are while they are still big and capable, they're you know, they're scared of humans. They don't want to deal with you. Um, and so they will uh

start pooping and peeing themselves. And it's thought that the excessive amounts of poop that like a mother will do is to distract the predator and allow her calf time to like hide, because the predators just like, what is going on, lady, why are you pooping so much? It's real three stooges energy to how to distract an enemy to just like kind of go curly and start everywhere checked out poop but with pop. Yeah. Yeah, you may, you may think this horn something, but wait till you

see the other end. Yeah, I do feel powerful, Like when I'm walking my dog, not because my dog is in any way capable of defending me. She's a tiny little Chihuahua mutt. But when I pick up her poops, I now have a poop flail because I have it a little baggy. Right. And then if there's someone who's like scaring me, right, you know, you just kind of like fling your poop flail and there you go, just distract them there by the time they realize like, wait,

what a minute, what is this? Is this poop? And then you're gone. You're gone into way chimpanzee by proxy, you know, like you don't you know, you're still that primate wanting to throw poop, but you have a controlled situation exactly intellectual poop throwing. Yeah. Yeah, you're outsourcing the pooping, right, That's how we do it as more developed beings. Yeah, that's really what it comes down to, is the outsourcing

is what separates us from the apes. Last cute little fact about these guys is that they communicate with whistles and honks. So just just imagine one of these little little muppets stuck on like a fozzy bare body, like, like, aren't that's the cutest part. It's so cute because there's no grunting. When you think rhinoceros, you think grunt, right, Like, That's like if I say the word grunt, the picture of a rhinoceros enters my head, and I think that's fair.

I think most of you are now going to do that forever. This guy doing little whistles a little dolphin or hanks like a little goose. Yeah, I mean I think that, Like it's I don't know exactly what they sound like. I think they're quite rare, so it's kind of difficult to get get those sounds. But I would imagine it's similar to other species of rhinos who also have surprisingly squeaky honks, especially the calves. Do do you

have a favorite wild animal sound? I have so many favorite wild animal sounds that I have a whole game that you get to play at the end of the podcast or it's called Guess Who's Squawking? And I will present you with an animal sound and you'll have to guess who's making that sound. Um, I'll say one of my favorite sounds our baby rhinos. We've done that one and it is so cute. Oh play that right now? Why not? Okay, I'm not mad about that. Okay, So that's a baby rhino. I think these are these are

white rhinos. Um, that's very cute, it's extremely cute. I would I would humbly request that one of the animals you do not have for me as a fisher cat. Oh yeah, the that as a New England boy. Let me tell you there's a reason we thought they were witches in the woods. Yeah. They sound like screaming like demons babies. They sound they sound like someone's doing something awful to a baby in the woods at at midnight,

like there's there's no way past it. Your first interaction with a fisher cat sound is the most horrifying thing you'll ever hear. In fact, let's listen to it right now. No, no, thank you. And sometimes they're even more like pitched like more like like higher pitched, and that really sells the baby the demon baby or like satanic ritual going on. They're also a fearless animal. Oh yeah, they'll take down things bigger than them. They are not afraid of people.

Like if you if you see a fisher cat, it's just basically looks at you and it's like you're looking at it's really so fishers are They aren't really cats? They're like, yeah, the in the musla family, But yeah, they they are. They're not that huge, but they look sort of you know, they've they've got somewhat cat like they look like a rack along raccoon but sort of a rusty color all over. And yeah, they are absolutely little demons. It's the Northeast version of like a badger

or like a little wolverine or something. Yeah, yeah, I know they're scary. It's a real, real, real demonic an. It's funny because we live on a planet where a rhino is a lot less threatening like a rhino species like the Sumatran rhino, I think, is a lot less threatening than something called a fisher cat, which sounds like it should be cute and adorable, and a rhino sounds

like it should be scary. But the Sumatran rhino is this cute, fuzzy little squeaker and the fisher cat is like a demonic uh force of like scream, makes a screaming baby sound and can kill things larger than itself. Did you ever see a Trilogy of Terror, that old horror trilogy with the little um, the little statue that runs around trying to kill the woman. It's like pretty famous little um tribal statue that she imports and it ends up being like haunted or something and it attacks her.

That's what a fisher Cat is. So those of you that are familiar with Trilogy of Terror, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The fisher Cat is the animal version of that little guy. Not like these cute little baby rhinos here. No I know they put them in my pocket. They will not fit. But unless you have cargo pants from the nineties, yeah, I'm gonna put them in my Jinkos and your Jinko They may be Nudjenko,

I think they may. You got any rhinos and those Jenkos? Look, man, I'm just here to have a good time or my kick wear. If you're listening to Incubus, I'm not causing any troubles. Jinko jeans really changed the illegal smuggling term game, Like I just made it so much easier. It's the hoop skirt of dirt bags. Jeff, you mentioned you wanted to talk about the cappy bara, but we're not gonna because I have before so figured so sad, too bad.

But instead we're going to talk about this thing, and I just want you to look at it here, Am, Well, how would you describe this little feller? He he looks capybara adjacent. Um, he looks like a geez How do I describe him? He looks like a capybara and a rabbit made about beetle. Yeah to me, like a deer and a rabbit hybrid thing. Yeah, yeah, real Like he's got little legs that don't seem to fit the body. The legs should be stubborier now the legs are way

too long for its a little portly. Yeah. It looks like a little sausage on toothpicks. Yeah. Very Um, you know, a very sleek animal, a very It also looks like if you squint, it looks like a dog. Yeah. I would. I would definitely be hoodwinked into like getting like, hey, here's a dog up for adoption, and I'd be like, yes, sold to me. If if someone was like, yeah, this is a bovine terrier you'd be like, oh, yeah, I see it. I see what that is. Yeah, it's an

nubtail arndale bovine terrier. And it's like yeah, absolutely, it sure is. Let's put him. Let's put him in Westminster and see how it class. So what is it? Well, it's found in Argentina and arid slants, shrub and desert areas. It is actually a large rodent. It like the cappy bara. It weighs around thirty five pounds or sixteen ms and are about one and a half feet or forty tall at the shoulder. Uh and yes, does this mean that

I can create it like a baby? You could cradle it like a baby, although you might get kicked in the face like a little bit. Jeff is willing to die to pet acute wild animal, and I can't say I approve, because, like I think that would annoy the wild animals. However, you got to admire the commitment. I would say, I'm not necessarily willing to die, but I can take a shot to the face right or twice was a boxer. I've taken a lot of punches for the face. So a little thirty five pound, precious, little

little rodent kitty in my hands. Oh, I mean yeah, and I obviously don't want to bother them, but I feel like I could win them over and enjoy the time. Maybe you could become friends. Yeah, so they are. There's a good reason that you are seeing a lot of cappy bar in these guys because they are in the cavvy families, so they are related to both guinea pigs

and cappy barras. So these are like, these are like cappy barras, but sort of the runway version, where they've got the really long legs, they've got the stiletta's their work in the runway, whereas cappy baras are much more sausage. Like. These are like sausage but on sort of stilts. Yeah, they're they're elevated, like when you see those houses on the shore and you're just like, oh, yeah, this this

one's built for hurricane season. That's why. So they don't have hoofs, but their feet are kind of small and hoof like, and so their movement is kind of interesting. They can hop like a rabbit, they can gallop, or they can stopped, so stopping or pronking, which I guess our real words is hopping on all fours at once, which is typically something done by deer or antelope. That's good stuff. That's good stuff right there. Yet they have

um their their feet kind of look like German shepherd feet. Yeah, a little danky thanky little feats. And then the just the fact that they pronk, which again I guess is a real word where they're just like you've seen that, like we're deer or antelope do the little thing where it's like do do do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do do? Do? You know, just like the little dancer. Um. I would like to say that that is the official movement of

the goofy bastard, so that that does land. Yeah, yeah, like there should be bouncy sounds edited into all nature documentaries about this animal. So I don't usually quote Wikipedia on the show, but I do love this line from the Wikipedia on these guys quote its tail is short, depressed and hairless, which you know which one among us aren't. As a member of the Los Angeles comedy scene, I am familiar with many versions of that tail in person form.

But yeah, it's tail is very strange. So you look at its butt and you think that, like, what is that thing kind of sticking out like, is it a little poopoo? Like, what is that? It looks like a little poop No, that's his tail. Oh yeah, it looks like he's he's got a turtle head going on right there. But in reality, that's his little that's his little tail. Like when you think about like what tails are used for, I'm like, that doesn't seem useful. Yeah, I think it's

like kind of on its way out right. It's like, yeah, it's sort of like, you know, we don't really need this. I think it does. Probably they probably it helps them in terms of like scent marking, so they still have it, but they don't need much of it. You know. It doesn't need to be furry, and so it's just this little nub to rub their stench on things. Yeah, just

a little dabble. Do you look at I mean it is it is funny that that its tail is the tail version of it as an animal, just like this little goofy, stubby looking thing sticking out of a goofy stubby looking things. Little sausage coming out of a sausage. It's just sausage and sausage and sausage. So real. Putting a hat on a hat energy here with this guy putting a sausage on the sausage. So they are herbivores

and they basically live in hippie communes. They form these lifelong monogamous relationships, with the males being much more clingy than the females. They will follow the females around, marking them with pe like, they'll pe on the females be like you're you're my wife, and then they'll leave more markings in her path, sort of creating this like zone around the female where he's just like constantly peeing and leaving scent markings. He's like heralding her. But instead of

tossing romantic rose petals, uh, he's pooping around. I mean, they don't have like jobs, so they can't buy rose petals, right, so I guess you gotta work with what you have. You know. It's very sweet that he uses all his p for that, you know. Yeah, I guess in a way it is. Um, here's more romance for you. Males will pee on the females, but and then the female will pee in the male's face, so you know, whatever floats their boat. Honestly, we don't want shame here on

creature features. Here, like this is one of those situations where you're like, you, guys, this is what Yeah, you know what, I don't have to do it. Consent is key, so which which seems to me like this is a very consensual situation. I think so yes. Um. So they will often live with other couples in communal warrants. So yeah, this like big hippie dippy colony where there is often this like they just have all the young kind of

inside this giant burrow living together. Typically, mothers will really only nurse their own offspring, but sometimes, uh, someone else's kid is going to like sneak in a sip of milk. There's always that always happens, you know, you make sandwiches for your kid, and then like the neighbor kid comes over and is all sticky and asking for a sandwich, and what are you gonna do? Not feed the kid?

Not feed the kid. Well, some of these some of the females will decide not to do that and actually shove the baby away that's not their own, which is really funny. But sometimes they don't. It kind of depends on their mood. It depends on how cool they are. The cool the cool mom, the cool giant rodent. Mom. Um, you're just walking around engaging in water sports and beating up other people's kids, right, and you know, but it

is kind of cool. They all live in this communal warren and it does help keep them safer, you know, their safety and numbers. Um. And then you know, last fun cute fact about these little guys is they will eat their own poop to redigest nutrients, just like other calvies. Why not. Yeah, you know what, this is not a This is not an animal that is burdened by the shame of Christianity, No very much. Now what this guy they know what they're doing, now I would yeah, I

would say shame um or discussed. Are not things known to this this fun little sausage on stilts. Yeah. Yeah, it's just a little a little bold, live your own life kind of a situation. Right. It's like, you know, they live, they live in a commune. They hang out, the males, you know, poop around, the females, um on each other, on each other. They're just living their best

lives freely. That's really sweet away from judgment. If they're if they're because they're clearly if Look, you've got to be into it to take it to the face, right, like you know, like I understand, like, oh yeah, you got me on the butt, stop it, you know, like I can understand that, But like then was it like all right? Turn around? He's like this is what I signed up for, and in that situation, you're like, okay,

this is like ravenous consent. Yeah. I think it's interesting that the ping also works as a way of the female communicating to the male because like the a lot of the one very specific message, well the actually the message for like some of the p like when the female ps on a male's face is like I am not reproductively receptive right now, So there's no point um And so he's like okay, and then you know that's that.

It's like it's like, hey, you know what you you you you shot your shot, but no, it's just it's just P And he's like, all right, I've dealt with similar things emotionally not physically, but you know what, the energy is still there. What would be a like a spray of pet of the face emotionally, I mean I think the good the stereotypically sitcom answer to that would be I have a headache, right right, like the timing

like or in general sort of relationship stuff. It's just like, well, the timing is just not right, you know, Yeah, you get that, but with less less urine, like not les urine. But again, communication is key, whether it's with words or urine. Yeah, that's good. I mean, look, urine is the words of the body. So we've all been there. Sure I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say yes, fine, yes, and this one straight

through I'm going to do that. Yes. Um So I would say, though, unless you are Patagonian Mara, I would potentially use your words rather than your pepe unless it's in snow. Unless it's like in snow and you're actually writing words in snow with with P, then I think that's like, you know, it's like, hey, left for the grocery store, uh, soups in the oven. Then you kind

of run out of P though, you know what I mean. Yeah, that's one thing I miss about living in New England is not having to pay for all those notebooks, right yeah, I mean it's a useful thing, right, Like, especially when you're on the trail you don't have a pen and paper and you're like bears a head and you pee that right in there, yeah, which is going to intract

the bears, right, and so they'll definitely be ahead. Yeah. Yeah, there's a there's a real, real cause and effects situation happening in one of those situations right right, it's like, look at this bear and then you know it'll come, because it'll come. I'm gonna I'm gonna cuddle that bear before I go though, right, it'll see a bear's ears. I'm gonna touch a Yeah, it's like you see in the in the snow, like a pea message. That's like,

I'm going to cuddle this bit. And you don't know if it's because you ran out a pea, or if the bear got you, or if you were too busy cuddling. Right, that's the third unlikely option. You know what, you don't know until you try. Um, that's true, and you know for then a very short amount of time, but at least you know it's fair. I feel like you're really doubting my ability to pet the bear. But no, no, no, I'm not doubting. I'm not doubting your ability to pet

the bear. I'm just saying that that's probably you'll probably get a pet in and then that'll be about it for for the rest of your life. So we're gonna leave our beautiful harry rhinos and our wonderful giant long legged been rodents, and we're going to go into the ocean and look at the world's most photogenic fish, the parrot fish. I just take a look, Jeff and enjoy, just really look at look at this goofball. Look at him, look like cheese. And for the camera, there's real ted

lasso energy to this to this animal here. Oh, this guy is good. And I know he's a fish. I get it. I understand how fish sprains work, but it really does look like he wants to be my friend. They look super happy. I've never seen a fish look more psyched to be a fish. They're like, I'm a fish. Heck yeah, I mean water. Yes, this is the fish version of like aquaca right, like, yeah, exactly. It definitely has that quacca look for sure. And the thing that helps it with the smile is it has teeth. It

looks like it has people teeth. It looks like a character like a Dream Works characters something, except like less uncanny, like it actually looks more convincing to me, as like because it's well yes, but I mean it has because it's not an animated movie. But it's human expression is more like it feels more human, I guess, or or less Uncanny Valley than like the animated versions. Yeah. His his Pixar looking idiot face is uh, it's it's it's

layered with primary colors, which is real fun. I'm guessing that's why they call it the parrot fish, right, yeah, well this one. So there are many species of parrot fish. This one I think is the Mediterranean parrot fish. It's gorgeous. It's red, yellow, and blue. Um. There are other species as well. Uh, and all the species of parrot fish typically have these goofy smiles. So there are like blue ones, there's blue and orange, blue and yellow. They're all quite beautiful.

And addition that, like they're parrot fish because in addition to their beautiful tropical colors, they also have those teeth which are like beaks. Oh that's good stuff. And also because pirates would put them on their shoulders, that it was it didn't go as well, this thing flopping around in the water. Yeah, me, parrots seems to be having a problem. I have a fabily of the help you gona go visit this guy. They're Mediterranean, right, Yeah, I could.

I could go and say hi, be like hey, just like swim out there, get get in somewhere in the Mediterranean and find out. Yeah, but where where are these were these goofy little tools at and then you haven't bringing it like, oh look at me so fun. Yeah, he looks very like he's got the I mean we talked earlier about the DreamWorks thing, you know, the like DreamWorks smirk. How like all the characters always have that

little like sideways smirk into the camera. It's like I'm a bit of a stinker kind of look like that's what he's getting here, Like I'm a little bit of a stinker. Um. Yeah. This is voiced by mal blank Energy in the space. Yeah. So. Parrot fish are a family of around ninety fish species. Um. They're mainly found

in the Indo Pacific in coral reefs, coasts and seagrass forests. Uh. Their name obviously comes from the fact that they have a beak and they're these bright colors, although to me it looks less like a beak and more like this like big buck tooth smile. Yeah, they use these teeth to scrape algae and the living tissue, which is called polyps off of coral. So coral are these really hard structures that contain these symbiotic algae and also the living

tissue of the coral. And so the parrot fish wants to eat this stuff, and to do that they have to grind up coral. And so that seems like that'd be pretty hard on your teeth. Like, if we try to basically eat a big bowl of coral, it would destroy our teeth. And so they have to have pretty special teeth for this, and their teeth are actually a bunch of tiny teeth. They have over a thousand teeth lined up in vertical stacks which continually grow and get replaced.

Oh same, yeah, so how is that? How is that? Did you have like braces or like a lot of the braces cost in visile line? Maybe? Yeah? Yeah, no, I'm actually, you know, funny enough, I'm actually missing two teeth. I have less teeth than one would expect. I see, well, you know, less teeth the floss, right, that that is true, And just these big aping cavities I call it, they're not I don't call them church teeth, but like if you look slightly past my smile, you could see be like, oh,

I got like two teeth in there. Well you know, I mean again, I think that it's more streamlined, fewer teeth to floss. Um. But if you're not wrong, if I do get like huge chunks of stuff stuck in there, like I should flost this out, do you have one of those syringes of water that you can kind of like jet in there, spray it out. Just get a water pick for this one huge gap and yeah, it's

very funny. Yeah, I mean, like I mean, I I had the I had the like, um, the sort of water syringe for when I got my wisdom teeth out, because I got all four out at once, um, and there was a lot of holes in my mouth and a shocking amount of food gets in there. Yeah, one would think, yeah, I have still have my wisdom teeth. I still have those, um, but I did after years of whatever sports that you do, your teeth sometimes just and so I was like, well, I guess just pull

them out. And they're like, do you want an implant? It's only ten dollars. I'm like, oh, you don't know what job I have. It's only your firstborn son. Yeah. Meanwhile, these guys are doing great. Yeah, they could really be boxers because like their teeth are constantly growing, so when one falls out, like there's more to replace them. So they have like the beaver energy of like having to like use them or or or they just go through your face basically. I mean, I don't I don't know

of any of them that where that happens. But it's because their only way of eating is using them, so like that is their only option is to eat the coral and use them. Um. But yeah, no, I mean, like they do grow and so like, but instead of it being one solid tooth growing, it's like these like stacks of teeth growing upwards vertically. Um, that's way more terrifying. Yeah, yeah, I guess so. I mean, if you're afraid of a thousand teeth in one smiling mouth, but hey, you know

it's like venom teeth. It's more smile per square inch in my opinion, So that is fair. But like it's funny because you look at it and yeah that he looks like he's wearing clown teeth. You know, it looks like he's wearing like and then you look closely and you see that it's just a thousand tiny daggers, and you're like, this is way different than what I was expecting. It's a lot of smile. So the teeth are harder than copper, and a square inch of parrot fish teeth

can withstand over five tons of pressure. Microscopic viewings of the teeth show that each tooth has a dense chain mail like pattern that gives it such resilience. So this is how they can chew through coral without really breaking a sweat um. They are responsible for creating a huge amount of sand. So when they eat this coral, they grind it up. They eat I just the polyps and algae, but they don't digest the like coral skeleton. And so after that's ground up, Uh, they don't, they don't really

eat it. So sand is a byproduct. So one parrot fish can chew its way through enough coral to create around a thousand or four d and fifty of sand annually. That's it's not not a lot of sand. That's a lot of sand. Because didn't they didn't they say there's like a sand Uh, we're going through like a sand deficit right now. Yeah, I think there's it's like there's some things where like sand beaches are becoming less sandy. I don't think there's necessarily a sand deficit in the ocean,

but definitely for beaches. No, like for like, for like American manufacturing and building, it's becoming like the concept of sand is becoming endangered. I guess that's interesting. Yeah know, I don't know too much about like industrial sand running out, but I guess that would stand a reason. If you have less sand on beaches, then you have less sand

to collect as industry. Yeah, because I mean, I guess you know, there's a lot of us on here, and there's eight billion of us needing glass and brick and all these different things, and apparently sand is a huge ingredient that we never think about. These guys are just making it right, And I mean it's interesting because like

they are because they rely on coral reefs. Like if we are destroying coral reefs through uh climate change, industry pollution, then like you know, it's kind of this vicious cycle of like we're taking sand out and then also taking out the animals that make the sand. So that's bad. I mean, honestly, we could probably do the planet better.

I'm just going to go out on the limb and say that, Yeah, a bit of a controversial take, but I too agree that maybe we should be like a little little less bad when it comes to like, you know, the earth, like maybe kill I don't know, a couple

fewer species per year. Yeah, I do like the laziest versions of that where I'm just like I mostly don't eat meat, or like I drive a previous prime that can plug in every once in a while, Like they're all like very very small, tiny little baby steps that in the long term, I'm like, I'm probably not doing anything, but whatever. Well, I mean I think that if everyone ate less meat, that would have a huge impact, right, if we all reduced our meat consumption, that would have

a gigantic impact. Obviously, most a like a disproportionate amount of the contributors to climate change aren't individual people but industry. Um. But still, I mean I still think like if you, like, if you and even if you don't become vegetarian, like I'm not a vegetarian, but if you just like eat a little bit less meat, uh, you know, like maybe eat more vegetarian meals, cut down your meat consumption, you know that that really helps when when you do it

on a massive scale. So, you know, I think that's nothing to sneeze at. Yeah, I mean it's it is one of those things I would say, is this an edible fish? The parrot fish? You know, I don't know. Is that something where they can you really like, eat something that smiles at you. I guess the goldfish snack cracker proved that, yes you can. Yeah. I would also say that, yes, but humans will eat everything. Yeah, Like that's one of those things where like, wow, this thing

is a really cute smile. I bet it's going to be delicious. Yeah. I think about how many foods we eat that are based off of that. We have cartoons based off of you know. Yeah, apparently, yes, people do eat parrot fish, which you know, I guess, uh. I guess anything that is beautiful in nature, I guess also tastes good. I guess you don't want sand, everyone, you don't want sand. But yeah, so the sand that they create by eating the coral is not It's not just

like crumbs that they like spit out. They poop it out. It goes all the way through the parrot fish. So a lot of these beaches where it has this beautiful white sand. Uh, this is uh poop, parrot fish poop in part, So think about that next time you eat a nice heaping glass of sand. That's poop you're eating. So maybe you should stop doing that. That's poop you're vacationing on. Um. But yeah, I mean that just makes

me want to stand on it more, I guess. Uh so, yeah, because you feel closer to the smiling fish, right and like I'm I'm enjoying your warm, dried poops. So I'm gonna I'm gonna take my little baby rhino and my little weird rat and we are going to just vacation on the parrot poop, parrot fish poop. Excuse me, all smoke in your Jinko jeans, So in my Jinko jeans that probably are are covered in in weird rodent piss.

I mean you deserve it at that mud. If you're trying to like smuggle a Patagonian Mara in your Jinko jeans, it's going to be covered in poop and pea. And you know that's that's sort of it's karmic retribution. We like to call that a small price to pay. I will sacrifice my jinko jeans of this one moment where immediately let them out and the rhinoceros gores me right today for forcing friendship on a wild animal that has

no idea what is going on. So um. Yeah. Even though the parrot fish do chew on coral, they are actually good for coral reefs, so think of them as coral gardeners. By trimming some of the excess algae from the coral, the coral polyps are actually able to grow back stronger. So they're like pruning the oral essentially. Uh and yeah, they these amazing, beautiful, smiling fish. They're like maintaining our coral reefs, making us nice sand. They're wonderful,

wonderful little guys. And they get to look like a sweet little idiot while they do it. They really do. That's really the best part. They look like such a good dude. You may you see him and you're like hey fish, and he's like hey man, HOI Like there's a goofy energy to this fish is how they sound. I love that, Like, I mean, it's really not a fluke. Like you look at so many pictures of parrot fish,

they're all they're all smiling. There's like what They can also do a closed melth smile, which is really funny because of the shape of their beak, it kind of forces their lips upwards, so they kind of they look like they're doing this like doofy little clothes mouth like, you know, I'm a little shy, but I'm still smiling a very coquettish smile from this u from this very very sweet fish, like oh, stop stop photographing me. But they love it. They love it. Go on with that.

You have people that painting it on the side of their World War two fighter planes, painting it's one little it's one little sweet looking fish with fish. Yeah, we can wink wink um. They're so cute. I'd love it if they flirted with me. But I think they're only interested in coral, only interested in my coral jewelry. I've been dealing from the ocean. So um. Before we go, like I mentioned earlier, we gotta play a little game, and that game is called Guess Who's Squawking? It's the

Mystery Animal sound game. Every week I play a mystery animal sound in you the listener, and hey, you the guests, try to guess who is squawking. Last week's hint was this. As a fellow introverted redhead, I sympathize this sometimes wanting personal space. All right, Jeff, can you guess who is squawking? Is that an orangutan? You are correct? Congratulations also to antib Craig K and Grant W who are the fastest to guess correctly the orangutan. So, yes, this is the

call of a male orangutan. Um bonus points. What do you think he is trying to say? Well, uh, I think he's probably saying back off. This is my territory. Yes, that is absolutely correct. So. Orangutans are found in the rainforests of Boreo and Sumatra. Despite their large size, they spend most of their time in trees, in nests that they actually build themselves. The construction of their nests is intricate and requires advanced intelligence as well as learning from

their parents. There is evidence that different groups of orangutans build nests using different techniques, indicating that they actually have these different learned cultures. Orangutans are relatively solitary but also

flexible in socializing. They'll establish their own home range, but they can typically visit other ranges without too much trouble, and they may interact with other oriutans, but if they feel that their range is being threatened or someone is invading their personal space, they'll issue what is called a kiss squeak, which they suck air through their lips um

and make this kind of like sound uh. And then they will do this like rolling call, which is the latter part of what you hear the woo woo woo to tell you to back off. And that's exactly what this orangutan is doing. And if you're a person, he will tear your arms. Yeah, I mean they are. They will defend themselves. I wouldn't say they're that aggress but they are definitely capable. They're extremely strong and very capable. Yes,

very capable. I have a friend who um worked with orientans at a nature preserve um and like they were, they were friendly with the rescuers, but once one of them kind of grabbed her arm because he wanted to like basically get her to go in a direction he wanted to go. And it was like she could tell he was going to like break her arm on accident, and so she had to like kind of yell, yelp you know, in pain, and like when the orient and saw that he was like hurting her, he looked like

shocked and really sorry. But yeah, I can easily break your arm without even realizing it. So you do not want to piss them off and have them tried to break your arm, because that would you know, it'd be like an orangutane. Really, I have friends with the the doctor Z. Dr zais a good friend of mine. Uh. I mean, the joke is we don't break k fame. But if you ever watch Hanging with Doctor Z, it's a great show. It's really fun. Doctor doctor, Doctor's is,

Doctor's is, Doctor's Doctor's is. Oh, Doctor's is doctor. If you haven't seen Hanging with Doctor Z, I think you'd really like it. By the way, I'll definitely check it out. It's a little thing. It sounds like my jam so onto this week's Mr Animal sound. The hint is that this is not quite a gobbler m hm hm oh, jeff Hinny, guess who was making that sound? Um? First off, the fact that's like I know a right perfect for me. Um, I'm actually going to I feel like my the hint

is influencing my my choice. But I would my my guests off of the hint would be a Turkey vulture. Interesting guests Well, you will find out next week on the next episode of Creature Feature. Jeff, thank you so much for joining me today. Where can people find you? Thank you for having me UM. I'm across several social media's as well as long as they still exist upon publication. We've got to diversify your investments. Boy, don't do we UM. I'm at hey there, Jeff ro h e y t h e r e j e f f r oh

and UM. As Katie mentioned earlier, I am a podcaster by sort of by definition, so you can hear me on Jeff has Cool Friends, UM, which is available for free everywhere but early at picture on dot com slash Jeff may where you could hear that in monthly shows like a Fine with Kim Crawl, as well as Nerd with Dre Alvarez. You also might know me from Tom and Jeff watch Batman on the game Fully Unemployed Network

with Tom Ryman. You may know me from Unpopular Opinion and you Don't Even Like Sports, which is a sports podcast for people that hate sports, and those are both with Adam Todd Brown. I don't know if you can notice the theme of my co hosts here Katie. Um, but it's people you worked with. That's interesting. Huh yeah, weird how that happens? Weird that works. You're also you can also see you on Netflix, um, not winning any money.

You can see me on on the game show Bullshit on Netflix, uh, where I had quite an interesting filming and and did quite well, and then they edited out the victory. But I still get some fun moments on that, so I'm in episodes two and three. But it was a lot of fun. And I also throw a live comedy show the second Friday of every month at a place called Blast from the Past on Magnolia and Burbank. The name of the show is called mint on Card.

If you're a toy nerd, you understand that it's a lot of fun, very free second Friday of every month, so great. And to my Italian friends, that's in Los Angeles, so it's not far away at all. Um, you can make it. Yeah, it's barely a hemisphere away, right exactly? If if what's his name, da Vinci can do it? I forgot who the guy at Gallilate, No, who's the one? Oh yeah, the murdering one Christopher Columbus. If he can do it, anyone can't because he sucked. He was he

sure did. I think I think it's I think somebody on the Internet should mention that something. I think the Internet should address that Christopher wasn't a good guy. I'm the first one. Actually, yeah, I'm certainly I'm certainly not like, yeah, man, we know at this point, right, no, no, no, no, I'm the first to point it out. Thank you guys so much for listen. If you think you know the answer to the Mystery Animals sound game, you can write

at Creature feature Pot at gmail dot com. Um. You know, I don't even know what is going to happen to social media, but you know I'm a future feature pot on Instagram. I'm Creature feet pad on quote unquote Twitter. Um, that's E E. T. Not fet that is something very different. Um, but yeah, thank you guys so much for listening. If you're enjoying the show and you read a rating and you leave a rating or review, I immensely appreciate it.

I read them all really appreciate it. Thanks to the Space Cosslics for their super awesome song Xluminate Creature feature is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts like the one you just heard, visit the I heart Radio app Apple Podcasts, or Hey guess what? Where have you listen to your favorite shows? I don't judge you. I literally you can listen wherever you want and I won't be mad. I promise see you next Wednesday. Bye.