Welcome to Creature Future production of iHeartRadio. I'm your host of Many Parasites, Katie Golden. I studied psychology and evolutionary biology, and today on the show fresh watt as in what the heck is in fresh water? Because folks, sometimes it's weird. We are talking about some of the weirdest things that you would not expect to find in bodies of fresh water.
We all know the ocean is crazy in full of aliens, but in your local pond, in your marshlands, I don't think I would expect to find an alien, and yet there they are. Joining me today is my friend co founder of Small Beans, podcaster filmmaker abe E Person. Welcome. We're gonna talk about weird stuff today.
Hey, Katie, thanks for bringing me on to your bog episode.
I know that it's the bog, you know, Like, I'm just glad that.
We've gotten to this point in our relationship where you're like still water, fresh water, ponds of scum.
You know, that's a real kind of deal. I'm real excited right here.
You bring a real stagnant energy that I need for my bog episode.
Yeah, you got it, and I'm here for it. Yeah, because I'm a I'm a bog animal myself, you know.
I think that we should all be more appreciative of bogs. They give us cool things like peat, moss and mummies, yes, and weird fish and weird animals. But yeah, we are talking about because you know what, there is something like primely spooky about water that is not it's it's fresh water, but it's not so fast, right, It's like kind of slow moving fresh water, like in marshes because there could be anything in there, and it's usually slimy, and it's like it's got it's got kind of a witch vibe.
Witch talk. Are you listening, there's a witch talk. Yeah.
And it's also like the place in which we sometimes get our water, which is necessary for our life and also produces one of the things that kills us the most, like in mosquitoes, you know. So it's so it's this thing that we just keep coming back to. I know we're probably destined as everything on the earth is from salt water. But it's like a it's it's it's a hoax. Really, fresh water is a hoax.
Fresh Water is there's nothing fresh about it, folks. It's full of little tiny pieces.
Of Hey, is that an ocean? No, it's way tinier and doesn't taste like salt.
Yeah. So yeah, we are going to talk about some weird, wild, slimy stuff you can find in your very own body of fresh water. So, if you've ever been, I don't know, to a lake, maybe a lagoon, perhaps you have had the luck of seeing a lumpy, bloated alien looking mass. No, it's not me after eating chili. This is called a fresh water briozoan. So have you ever seen? Aby sent you some photos I'm looking. I hope you like it.
Thank you so much for sending these to me.
You're You're welcome this. The first one is what I would like you to draw your attention to. What are you looking at?
Well, I'm looking in an egg from the movie Alien that just a guy is holding in front of what looks like a series of lily pads. That there's no way that there isn't treasure inside that I want to get in there.
Yeah, crack it open, slurp.
It up, slurp it up.
It's probably full of goo and slime and stuff that's just good for like nutrients, you know, stuff that's good for.
Me, Probably nutrients Okay. You know what's funny, abe is that I have been struggling with a disease known as GIRD. Have you heard of Are you familiar with the calamity? That is god, not the specifics, but it is gastro intestinal reflux wait, gastro gastro reflex esophageal disease. Anyways, it means I get heartburn like a lot and it sucks. So I I asked, asked around to pharmacists give me something for this, and I tried some some pills and
it didn't really do anything. So then a pharmacist is like, look, what you gotta do is take this, take this box of mysterious little packages of liquid and just you know, just gunshot these. Shotgun just shotgun these. Every time you eat anything. It's like, okay, great. It is apparently sodium alginate and it is a kind of goop that I guess it is algae based, and they have sweetened it to make it kind of taste like cream soda, but
not quite because it mostly tastes like slime. And so I have been learning how to imbibe this like almost cream soda tasting, but mostly like algae pond scum tasting thing. I've got a little shot glass because at first I tried to just like go gurt it, you know, like it came in a little package and she's like just like put it direct, like squirt it directly in your mouth,
and it was obscene and I didn't like it. So now I have a little shot glass full of my pond scum and it is actually helping my tummy feel better.
So so you got your little slimy peptobysmo that you take.
Yeah, I've got I've got my little bog brow, my little my little goblin drink that I drink every day.
Little packets of somehow I assume related to stories is related to this organism.
Right, Yeah, it's it's not really other than it's gowy and sliming. And you were reminding me of this because we were talking about slurping this.
Up up Nature's gusher.
You know. It's it is like Nature's gusher. And you know the thing that I worry about is that now I'm going to form this positive association with this pond scum, medical pond scum that I'm drinking because it makes my tummy feel a lot better. So now I'm starting to look at slimy stuff from ponds and going like, maybe I should just slurp that up. That is that might make me feel better.
What a wonderful little caress. So what a cavalcade of chaos life is?
You know? Here we go from marinera sauce making my tummy hurt to me wanting to eat a fresh water breazon and and.
Now you're just a zombie.
I'm just now just gonna be a bog monster. So I was in Minnesota. Actually, I was walking with my aunt in law and we saw this thing that looked like an eggsack. I thought maybe it was like some kind of bloated dead frog, and so I went over and I poked it with a stick, and it was just like an orb, a lumpy orb. And I was like, well, I mean, I didn't like try to poke it open in case an alien did come out and did like
hump my face. I didn't want that to happen. So I just like it seemed more or less hollow though, like a floating.
Balloon, like so Spongy had some kids.
I mean, it's yeah, it was like it was. It looked exactly like this this picture, and it it is like a brownish green, very lumpy texture. Uh and it yeah, it's like a I don't know, it's like a flesh balloon, as slimy flesh balloon. And I was like, what, I'd never seen anything like this before, So I started trying to like googling things like like a slimy ball in
pont flush balloon. Most of these searches did not bring me what I needed, but finally I found I found that this is Yeah, this is fresh water, a freshwater browzone, which is really really interesting because this is an animal, abe, right, Like.
This is organism. This isn't like the byproduct that like detaches. Yeah, this is wonderful, Like this is this is so alien that, like I sometimes I look at Mother Nature and I go, what what great jokes you have? You know, I.
Will I will smoke what she's smoking exactly exact.
So what does it do? Like, I mean, I guess that's a stupid question to ask for animals, what do you do?
What do you do?
But like, what's your deal?
What's what you're doing?
What scammer? Are you running?
I mean it passively sits there and absorbs nutrients and then that's pretty much it. Yeah, so it is actually so what this is is actually a colony organism. So I did say it's an animal, but maybe more accurate it is to say that it is animals. This is animals. It's a lot of tiny, uh like microscopic animals. It is a it is a colony organism. So Briozoans actually
are a large phylum of colony invertebrates. So there's a whole philum full of families and species of briozoans, and most of them actually live in marine environments and they can look very different. They can actually be really pretty, kind of have like this lacey, coral like appearance. But freshwater briozoans is bringing big bog energy because none of them are really pretty. They are all just like big, bulbous,
gouey green slimeball, which I actually love. So the freshwater brizones, also called phylactoalamatta, are found in lakes, ponds, lagoons, marshes, and slow moving streams, and they are made up of a bunch of zooids. So zooids are tiny animals that
form a larger organism. And so there is a specific species of freshwater briozone called the magnet eficent briozoon that you probably if you live in North America, you might have actually seen in some of your fresh water areas if you if you like me, enjoy a good a good lake or a good bog.
You just hanging around, Yeah, get a little hat, make a little hut.
You know, this would make a fine hat.
This is I did not know this existed. This is awesome.
I love that I didn't know.
I you know, I have to admit I didn't know this existed until like a few months ago when I saw it for the first time in my life.
This is fascinating.
Not only does it look awesome, I mean like, if you're into which I assume your audience, there are a bunch of freaks who are just into.
Whatever animals you compliment.
Oh yeah, for sure, for sure, I love freaks. But I assume that they're just like, you know, like slip down whatever you know. You're selling in terms of like I got some animals, you know.
My weird goo that makes you tell me feel better?
Yeah, ya, you're selling your wares.
And this is like this is not only unique in like from in terms of like I I've never seen anything like this, but also like it's just this passive animal. Let me ask a question, and it's it's a part of what I was asking before of like what's what's
your deal? Do any does anything eat this naturally? Like how does this work in the larger eco system, because like this is fascinating to just passively kind of develop almost like a bacterium, you know, or something like that, where it's just kind of like a part of the scum that just you know, from our perspective when we look at like stuck water, you know, like animals, we're just like, well, that's just gonna exist and that that's
that's a good story for that, good for that, you know. Yeah, but like this has got to be a vital part of someone's life, right, yeah.
I mean it's interesting because the purpose of this kind of colony structures it makes it less likely that they're going to get eaten when they are individual zooids and they do actually have like a free swimming stage where there can be like this little individual very very tiny almost like a zooplankton, and it can swim around and that is like ripe for the picken for like eating. And so what happens with that is it will start to reproduce, so they can do both sexual and asexual reproduction.
Nailing it.
Yeah, So like the sexual reproduction they do every so often and that allows them to you know, kind of judge up their gene pool and then like but often most most of the time, they do asexual reproduction by buttings, so they just like make duplicates of themselves. So you'll have this like free floating zooid, and then it starts to reproduce by butting, and it creates like these like little clusters, and then you get you reach sort of a point in which these little clusters are able to
start forming a larger and larger, more stable sphere. Sometimes it's not like a perfect sphere. Sometimes it's kind of like slug shaped. But usually they form these like balls. And each ball, like each of those like lumps on the ball is like it's called a rosette, which is
a much prettier name for what it looks like. Yeah, but each of those like contains a bunch of these zuoids, and what they basically what each zuoid is is like it has it's like kind of like a doughnut shape or oval shape with like a single opening that is its mouth butt it's both the mouth and the butt, like yeah, like a chloaca, but for yeah, yeah, it's
one hole that does it all. And then it like is surrounded and cilia, which are like these kind of like eyelash like hairs that will help push food into the mouth butt, and then on the other end of the zooid, it actually excretes kind of a gelatinous goo like inwards, which helps strengthen the blob. And so at
a certain point the texture of this blob. I'm sure there are some animals that do try to eat it, but I think once it reaches a certain size, it's just too gooey and slimy to really be that palatable. And so it's just floating there with all of these individual zooids, just like passively slurping stuff up, and it just lives its best blob life. That is.
So wonderful, just this mucous ridden blob that just kind of sits there, and that's its life.
To me when I have it, That's that's exactly my life. When I have allergies, I'm just a mucus blob that sits there.
That's me when I'm angry.
Am I right? No, It's like geez, what a what a fun little I I am in awe of this, like this is I have a great amount of compassion for dumb like configurations of animals, Like it's it's always brought me joy in my.
Life, Like that's why you're friends with me.
Yeah, no, yeah, I've like as soon as I saw you the first time in the writer's room, I was like, hey, look at that dumb animal. Me and her are gonna have a great time talking about blobs. Thank you for bringing this blob to me. I am so I'm so fascinated. I mean, I'm not going to really research this later.
Like this does like I love that. My engagement with this is like happy to know it exists, but also just like its own life, where it's like kind of worthless and just there for the ride of you know, life. It's just like, hey, we're.
All soo here because it's filter feeding. It is actually good for the aquatic environment, Like it does help with the ecosystem because it's like filtering stuff out right the water. It helps you know there, it is helps clean, helps filter things, and it is like I there's actually not like a huge plethora of like information on this thing, which I find even more intriguing. I love that it's like a mysterious blob, but I've also read.
No grad student is like this is my sorry, I'm not sure if it.
Should that's okay, but like it's uh, it's I I really think it is. It is cool, though there should be more research on it, but it is also fun for it just to be kind of a mystery blob of like I don't just kind of there, but you know, it does. It does serve a purpose and apparently also like if you see them in your pond or something, it's a sign of a healthy ecosystem to have these.
So this is like a good thing. Yeah, I kind of look like tumors, but they are actually a good thing to have in your water system.
Yeah, the bulbous mass, the fact, the idea that there's like there's a lot of bumps, you know, that's what That's why I reacted initially of like this is an alien egg and there's gonna be a face. It really does get out of it and you know, infects me with xena zeno phobes or whatever they're called xenomorphs that are going to destroy my digestive tract. But but it's just really it's just really there, isn't it? And like what if? So?
I know it's full of goo more or less, it's squishy.
Somewhat hollow, but also there's goo in there.
Yeah. I do feel like there's a part of me, like a caveman brain that like wants to pop it and then throw it on a stove and see like what it tastes like. Is that wrong?
Yeah?
Is that bad?
No, it's not wrong. I don't know that it would, you know. I did not like try to find out what it tastes like, either in real life or on the internet. I don't know that anyone else has tried to eat it. I would not suggest it, given that it probably is not good for you. But it does make me, you know, I also have that curiosity because it's like, is this gonna cure my tummy problems?
Is it flesh? Because it's like flesh? Yeah, you know, it's not like a fish. I get that it's pond scum that has organized in a slightly more complex, you know, man.
Immunized pond scum.
Yes, but like it's actually got like some turgid aspect to it.
It kind of looks it's like a weird avocado.
So that's kind of skin. And if skin's in the game, I might want to put it in my mind.
Yeah maybe, Well, you know, I just get out there, find one of these things and give it a little nibble.
Yeah, yeah, like don't hurt it, but just like no, you know, tell that you're around and I see you as uh, I see.
You, I hear you, and maybe I taste you. Don't taste these. I don't know if it'll kill you.
Yeah, I doubt it won't.
I suspect you could just get sick in the same way that you would get sick if you drink pond water.
Right, It's it's just sopping with whatever bacteria it exists.
Yeah, there's, yes, exactly. But we are going to take a brief break while I, uh, you know, drink so more of my your go, and when we get back, we're going to talk about another amazing couple of freshwater finds who are regal and incredible and definitely not done looking at all. The beer back all right, So we are back, and now we're going to talk about something called the meatcong giant catfish. Oh yeah, I shared some photos of it with you.
I did not.
I didn't exist in the South.
I'm a Californian boy, so I don't know anything about catfish. I've never really eaten catfish, which is most of my relation to this podcast is eating Have I eaten?
Have I eaten it? And what does it taste like? But tell me about this catfish.
I'm excited.
So this is a one of the biggest freshwater fish UH in the world and also one of the weirdest looking ones uh. It is found in the mid Kong Basin in Southeast Asia, and they can grow to be nearly ten feet long, which is three meters, and they can weigh up to six hundred and fifty pounds around two hundred kilograms. So it sounds terrifying, right, like giant catfish taller than a full grown man. But then look at its face. Abe, I want you to look at its face.
It's such a pudgy little like. Ah, it looks like you got smushed. It's like this is the boxer of fishes.
He's like a little ding dong. Yeah, like the dog. It's like a pug or a boxer. Yeah.
Like yeah, it's like face has been squashed.
Its face is a little dinga space. I love it.
And its eyes are so low it's are wild.
So his eyes are first of all, very wide set eyes on the opposite ends of its head, but then also very low set, so they're almost like underneath it. They're like yeah, And so it looks it does look like a droopy a droopy dog, like the wire exactly.
I'm this is one of the cutest things I've ever seen. It's I love you, I love you.
And it's like kind of big but also downturned. It's just like, yeah, it's like the droopiest looking like.
Dog. You O, man, imagine if imagine if this is your predator, imagine you're hitting by this. That's just a reality check for whatever you know is.
I assume I know. This is the thing that is really cute about them is that they don't have any teeth, so they.
Are they got all their teeth knocked out from all the fox that they do.
Like gum.
So these are also like you in that they they have to eat go gurt tubes.
They do have to slurp up algae. It keeps coming back to my my, my new sodium alginate go GURTs. They slurp algae from rocks and other surfaces with their big, dumb, toothless mouths uh. And that's how it's just they're so what an existence, right, You're huge problem, possibly the largest fresh water fish out there, and you're just slurping up pond scum with your dumb mouth and your eyes that are like sagging down.
Like I love it's so much you might think, yeah, and you and you become giant. Yeah, that's that's the best part too, is that, like I want I want to get a bunch of them and put them in my bed and to sleep on them.
I know.
It's they're very cute.
They would make a cute like body pillow.
You know exactly. And they're enormous. They're I love that, Like just like the pond.
There's one photo that you sent me of a bunch of gentlemen holding it and the pond that.
There's in is like waist high. Yeah.
So if I'm to understand exactly what's going on in this photo, they assumably found that thing that shark inside whatever body of water they're in. Yeah, I'm sure it's a lake or something like that, and I'm obscured, but it just feels wrong, like it feels like something that large should not exist in a body of water that is only like you waist high, right, Yeah, like that's what's like. Big fishes like whales and sharks exist in you know, the.
Totality of depths of the ocean. Yeah, but this is just in sort of like slow moving rivers, lakes, you.
Know, so it just gets tired. It doesn't like to move a lot.
Yeah, that's what.
That's another thing I love about it is it's just like I'm just what's that I'm going to suck on that rock?
Yeah? Right, it was around sucking on rocks and getting picked up by people trying to take photos. They grow really fast though. They actually can grow over seventy pounds or thirty kilograms per year. Whoa, and they can live to be over fifty years old.
Ash so awesome.
It's really sad though, because they are critically endangered because of the habitat loss overfishing. It's illegal now to fish them. But also just look like I can't imagine. Maybe I guess like if I have to feed my family, but I'd feel so bad looking at that face, being like all right, I gotta kill you know me?
You're good?
You can feel me. You just like so sad.
It's just, you know, the boon of lazy fishermen everywhere. I know you could probably just like it feels like a fish that is moving so slowly that you can just grab it, Like you don't need a tool to kill this thing, which that makes that makes some sense of why it's endangered. It saddens me greatly because I wonder what a wonderful existence just kind of slurping around like a big dumb dumb dummy. I love you. I'm in love with this little low eyed it's just drag.
Its face is incredible. I do have it in this show notes it's face or if you want to google a may Kung giant catfish. The face is. It's very photogenic.
It's like what if what if your forehead was a mouth?
The thing is if you flip the face. Actually, it makes more sense if you like rote. I'm actually gonna do that for myself. I'm going to rotate it. If I can't, d oh, it looks like it's smiling upside down. Wait in your document. I'm going to rotate this for you. Hang on, please, it's the bottom one with the like National Geographic logo on it. Don't tell me. I just flipped that around, like look at it.
Hit me.
It looks like it makes more sense now. It's like like the eye looks more normally play.
Right, Yeah, exactly. Like I know we're not here to pass judgment on Mother Nature and her concoctions, but like I'm in between, like you really screwed up Mother Nature. And also no notes, you know, like I love the diversity that you create, but like you really fumbled this one. You really got it backward for no reason I love.
I couldn't find like a specific reason why it's eyes are like that. I would assume though, because it just slurps the algae that it's just like look down for the algae.
Yeah, that makes sense.
It's like almost all stimulaly, you know, like eyes and you know, like silly as you mentioned earlier, and just like it's always just reaching like trees reach for the sun.
Yeah, it's always just.
Yeah, nutrition, nutritive goo.
It's fascinating.
Now on to our other big boy. Like this is the other largest freshwater fish. It is the giant freshwater stingray. It is actually the largest stingray in the world. And it's just like hanging out and hiding around in fresh water. It is It certainly has the largest diameter of any freshwater fish. It is found in Southeast Asia. They are
related to marine rays. But yeah, these are huge. They grow over seven feet in diameter, which is over two meters, and they can weigh over six hundred and fifty pounds, which is around three hundred kilograms. Yeah, it's huge.
Get out, Get out of fresh water. Yeah, get in the ocean.
What are you doing like to me like that, this is way too big to exist, Like like this is in rivers, I assume, yeah, yeah, this is like and fresh Amazon or you know this is actually so this is found in Southeast Asia, so not in them, yeah, but in like in.
Like rivers, slow moving rivers and like lakes. Uh, and so yeah it is uh. It actually looks like like it's kind of brown, so it kind of looks like a giant alien pancake.
It's the the photo that you have is terrifying because like, so, you know, let's break down the biology. I understand exactly what's going on in every part of this organism. It's got the fan part, you know, like sting ray, you know, get the floppy bits but then there's a center mass that is basically a torso like a human torso it looks like kind of ribsolved.
It does kind of look like a pancake, a monster pancake,
like eight a human and like digested it. And then there's just like a human like rib cage in there that's like actually the top part of the the the array, and it's like there that may those like lines may actually be some bones because these are bony fish and uh, but yeah, the underside is where you would find like its mouth and stuff like it's it actually has like near its mouth and electroreceptor kind of area where it can detect the electrical signals of its prey, which would
be like fresh water crustaceans and stuff. So it is it is very strange, very very strange animal. It's covered in mucous so we've got another slime boy on our hands. This is a very slimy episode. And they also have they are a sting ray, so they do have a fifteen inch toxic stinger that is strong enough and media enough to punch through human bone, human bone, human bone. It can pierce your bones.
What is that for? What are you taken down?
Buddy.
It is defensive, but also to take down it's prey like freshwater crabs, and it is it seems.
Like overkill for freshwater crabs. I'm sorry, perhaps a little bit.
But you know what is interesting is that apparently they are not very aggressive. So even though they have a stinger that could probably just skewer us, right, I think it could just impale a person. I don't think. I don't think they're known to really do that because they're pretty chill. They don't really want to mess with us. They're like politely inquisitive apparently, which is really cute. They are.
Sometimes fishermen do go after them, and if they do, like hook one of these, then they will fight back. And it's wild because they're so big they can pull like a small fishing boat under water, which just sounds like, why would you tussle with this giant murder pancake that can like drag you into this murkt absolutely like sediment filled water. That is like my worst nightmare.
I I am like in awe that a part of its process isn't to just envelope you like a bruto and just be like and that's it.
Kind of yeah, it does look kind of like the alien from Nope, right, like just like a big murder pancake sky whale.
Yeah, it's like this flat. It's again amazing way to go fresh water. I did not think that you packed so many, you know, like demons. Yeah, frankly, this is a demon.
I do kind of want to like lie on top of it, like use it as sort of just like a cushion.
I mean, yeah, it's another body pillow.
Little Yeah.
Right.
We have a lot of like nap friendly animals on this episode, like the giant catfish that's like a body pillow, the Brozone Briozon, which is kind of like I feel like I could rest my head on that. It's like an air airplane. Nice airplane pillow. This one like sort of a yoga around Matt.
Yeah, I feel like I wrap myself in it as long as I had control, because it feels too muscly. I mean, obviously it's a fish.
Yeah. I think it would defend itself if it felt like you were like doing something and didn't like And it does have that fifteen inch long toxic stinger that I did mention that can punch through bones. So maybe not a great idea. Maybe not a great idea.
But I feel like this is like you said that, they're not really that uh you know, aggressive aggressive, So like I feel like this is a familiar in a D and D campaign.
Yeah, maybe we could be friends.
Yeah, I feel like I'm like me and you. I'll feed you some something. And you're obviously a spawn from Satan, but that's fine. You and me are going to be best pals, and I'm gonna use you as a blanket and also hug you in your terrifying rib cage.
That's so sweet. We're going to take a quick break and when we get back, we're going to talk about one more very weird animal that you can find in fresh water.
So you'll be right back.
So now we're talking about toe biters biting them toes. Uh oh yeah. So these are giant water bugs. Hooray. So giant water bugs are giant bugs that you find in water. They usually grow around an inch to two inches long. There are some species that can grow up to four and a half inches long, which is eleven and a half centimeters. They are found all over the world in fresh water habitats, and there are many species
in this family. The family is called bellow stone Matidae, and most of them are these like flat, brown, oval shaped bugs. They're just like these kind of beatly looking bugs with their flat and they've got really meaty legs. So all of them are weird and kind of scary looking. But let's just talk about the absolute most weirdo ones, like the most upsetting thing that you could find brushing against your foot. So sorry, So yes, yeah, I'm.
Looking at a photo that you've sent me, and you mentioned the meaty legs like that was the you know, that was the headliner. Yes, and I'm not going to disagree with you, but like, let's talk about what is its body?
It's it's the bulblessness of it, right, the pustules that you're worried.
About, the pustules like you're you're you're gonna you're gonna sit there and act like that's not full of spiders, because like I I won't allow you to do that.
Can you get can you guess what these like? Uh? What he's looking at is like these many protrusions like almost like the like the like the inside of a pomegranate, but it's on this bugs back and they're kind of oblong. Uh so what what do you think those are?
So they obviously detach and invade the earth in a row. In emeric film, they shoot themselves into the White House and take over with duplicates of the President. I have no clue what those things do. I assume that there's some because they're running in a series. Because it's like, you know, much like the you know, shell of a turtle or the scales of an armadillo. I assume it's some kind of protection. Maybe there's a sensory involvement in there. Are you like you tell me you're the expert.
You're much closer with the like they'll like go into the President and I don't know what they launched, like give birth to a bunch of little presidents like they are these are eggs. These are eggs stuck to the back of this thing.
They're just taking a ride exactly.
And when you say therefore protection, it's actually the inverse. The beetle or the not beetle, the giant water bug is the one protecting the egg. So uh, the so the way this works, I love this. This is some
great parental care from these giant water bugs. And also we love a society where both the sexes take care of the young because the female will lay her eggs on top of the male's back, and actually she has like a secretion that glues these eggs to his back, and he'll litter do that, and so the male carries these eggs on his back and then he's able to protect them from predators who would otherwise just like get
a free lunch by slurping up these eggs. But now you've got this giant water bug going around with his eggs on his back. And if you're gonna try to pluck one of these eggs off of them like a grape, he's gonna bite you. And they can bite really hard and it hurts apparently really bad.
Okay, good, good for it. Yeah, you know I love that. So mom just kind of packs off.
Hell yeah, we love to see it. We love to see it.
Love to see it.
Man, I wish flip the patriarchal.
I mean, that's more or less my plan. If I have a kid, I'm just gonna stick that baby on a baby bjorn, put it on my husband and be like all right, good luck, bye bye.
I'm gonna see the world. And by the world, I mean like yeah, four to eight feet that is our palm.
Yeah, but just imagine that with like fifty babies and fifty baby bjorns and you're just covered in babies and it's like, all right, you see ya.
I love that, Like the organism doesn't like I know that we're talking about invertebrates, so like we're not like it's not like a you know, pregnancy, but usually, like I don't know, like usually animals have some form of like protect the baby. This one is just like I know you said, the males will bite, you know, if like someone is trying to pluck these eggs out, but they're so exposed. It's almost like, take my children before you attack me. I will form a shield of my children.
It really does feel like because that's where the predators are coming from, is the top right, This is a bottom dweller. Yeah, it's low to ground, even I assume underwater.
When I explain this other species, I think you'll get a better understanding of why animals might avoid trying to do that. So, like I said, a lot of these species are known as toe biters because they will bite you really hard, which can be incredibly painful. It's not necessarily dangerous unless you happen to be a little little fish or turtle, because these bugs actually can eat fish and small turtles and snakes, because they're so so good
at biting in a way that is really disturbing. So many awesome, many species of giant water bugs are oracious predators. So kirk Kirkaldia dei roli, found in freshwater habitats and rice fields in Asia, have been documented to hunt and eat fish, small turtles, snakes. I saw some things about like maybe even eating like baby birds, like baby ducklings, but I think it's probably God, I don't know that.
I think that it's probably like they are in the water, so it's anything that they can grab that happens to be in the water. So their front legs are very beefy, and they basically like put their prey in like a half nelson, uh, And then they have this hard proboscus that they stab into their prey. And the proboscis is like it's like this mouth, this sharp mouth.
Tube mouth spears.
It's a mouth spear, perfect, thank you, And it injects enzymes that break down the flesh of their prey. And apparently it also has like a paralytic paralytic compound that is apparently incredibly painful. Like it's not, like I said, it's not generally harmful to humans in terms of it's not gonna like put you in the hospital. But this
venom and this bite is like super super painful. But what it does for its smaller prey like a fish, is it renders them immobile and then they're just pumping it full of digestive juices that like turns it into a slurpe, and then the beatle just sucks it up. So you know, I think that might be why having the babies on its back is a good strategy, because most animals are probably gonna learn, like to avoid this horrifying thing.
That way to go again, mother nature. You just little bite sized, candy sized versions of brutality running around the pond. Don't even care about predators. They're like, yeah, eat me. I'm gonna put the most attractive part of my animal right on my back because I am a murder toad. That is what a fascinating little organism.
Yeah, it's a it's pretty creepy, but also like great, it's a great dad. It's dad of the month.
It's a great dad.
Yeah, I guess is number one.
Dad got got a little spear there to protect the children's Yeah, yeah, I love that. It also puts you in a half Nelson, you.
Know, it really does.
It wants you, It wants you to tap out, yeah, before it destroys.
And yeah, good, good, good for these little guys. Love them not so little. Actually some of them grow over four inches long.
So you know if I saw that that, like, if I saw that in my house, like a four inch size one of these, I would not try to save it.
Yeah, I mean, if you live in a bog, I feel like you kind of because like that's probably the only time you'd see it in your house. Of if you live in a pond, like your house is just inside of the pond. Uh.
But yeah, I live in la Am I right.
I don't know why I'm making like, yeah, Heathcliff jokes on your podcast.
It's fine. There's some kind of political joke there to be made about the swamp.
And draining it, meaning it for the toe biters.
But then the toe biters are going to come get you, and something about medicare. I don't know. I'm so tired. Listen, let's do a little game. I like to call gets to squawk on the Mystery Animal sound game. Every week I play mister Animal Saund and you the listener, and you the guests, try to guess who is making that sound.
It can be any animal in the world. And just to remind you, animals include everything folks like insects, spiders, birds, bugs, frogs, cats, dogs, donkeys, uh, snakes, everything, So it could be any of those things. I keep going monkeys, squirrels.
You're killing it.
Okay, I named every animal that exists, so you're a thank you. I'm so glad someone recognizes it.
I'm yeah, I am amazed.
Yeah. The hint for last well, actually the week before last week, mister animal Sam is this. Uh these little guys are free living exterminators. All right, Abe, did you hear that little like kick?
Yep, the cackle, Nature's little cackle, like try to defy me? Is like, what that organism? So you're saying to the cackle, I mean it honestly sounds mammalian, like it's doesn't sound like a bug to me. I feel like I'm gonna get dunked on in a second, because like I don't like pride myself on knowing you know, like sounds of organisms and being like to play this game. I don't think I'm particularly good at this game, but like, that sounds like a rodent to me.
Maybe you know, this game is designed not for education, not for fun, but just to make you feel bad, to make you feel.
Bad, just for you to feel superior on your guests for just a brief second of happiness.
Actually, no, fool, this is not a rodent. No, I mean it does really sound like it sounds like a chipmunk, right, it sounds like like some kind of rodent, maybe a chipmunk, maybe a squirrel. But no, this is actually the call of the common house gecko. This is a gecko making this little call.
Wow.
Yeah. There are a small brown, kind of pale brown gecko found in Asia and Oceania.
Uh.
They like to hang around human homes, thus the name house gecko. And they eat have bugs for you, bell eat cockroaches, termites, wasps, moths, flies, crickets. So honestly, seems like a mutually beneficial situation. I would much rather have one of these little cute guys there. They're just a cute little gecko, and I'd much rather have one of
those going around than like termites and cockroaches. So hey, oh yeah, for sure, they're like the best roommate that you could have, Like they're killing bugs.
For you and the las fun all the time, Like yeah, they're the court jesture and like I feel like it's the cat. Yeah, they're like.
This episode is like I think this episode is like just tailor made for bog witches. So I hope you've all all all my witches out there. I hope you've enjoyed this. H onto this week's mystery animal. Sound. The hint is this you're not gonna find this hen on a farm. Uh, and it'll make this call till it's red in the face. All right, any guesses abe?
So at the end there was that like multiple of them.
Yeah, yeah, it was.
Because there was like a like a paused chirp that was kind of happened.
Yeah, I think there was more. I think there was more than one.
And the second part and then it found it sounded like it found a friend.
Yeah, gosh, I mean that does sound like.
A bird because the repetition, but like I also want to say.
Frog, yeah heard or a frog. I'll give you, I'll give it.
Uh, I'll go frog Frog.
All right, very interesting gifts. I will another little hint, just a freebel throw, and is that since this episode has been very very swampy, uh, that is that it is on theme, on brand with the rest of this episode. Well, I but I will reveal the answer on next week's episode of Creature Feature. Abe, thank you so much for joining me today and marchhen it up with me this. I really I just love weird stuff you find in water.
Me too. I love Mother Nature and the ability that she has to, you know, just blow my mind with dumb animals that I want to apparently put in my bed and sleep with. Yeah, that seemed to be both of our ten throughout this episode.
Super cute. If there was like a plush version of it, I would buy that. It probably costs like five hundred dollars. I buy it though. Where can people find you?
You know, if you like, you know, just my conversational stylings and you can go over to patreon dot com slash small means I co founded this little tiny I guess you call it a network of podcasting. Yeah, they are, and we talk about more or less pop culture, movies, video games and such like that. I'm there with my friends Michael Swam and Adam Ganzer, who are you know if you remember all of us from Cracked Fame which Katie, Yeah, who knows. But that's where I reside. And we're also
making a movie. We're filmmakers, and we've been making a movie for a long time now. We're still in the you know, pre production phases. And it's a movie about a coming of age film where a teenager finds out that his dad is a gay furry and it's semi autobiographical based off Michael's life. It's a movie that we've wanted to make for a long time because we find the topic fascinating and how communities and fandoms are influential and positive in people's life.
And so that's kind of like what we're up to.
And that's kind of the vibes if you go over there. But please check us out at small Beans.
That sounds excellent. I'm a I'm extremely excited for this movie. I've heard about it and I think it sounds super interesting. And I know movie making is a long process, but come on, guys, yeah it get it.
I know, I know it's we have had a series of strikes and yeah.
I'm not going I'm not criticizing you. I'm just impatient because I want to.
See it, you and me both. Yeah, but that's but thank you for being a fan.
I will remain steadfast and patient and when it comes out, I'm definitely watching it. Thank you so much, thank you so much for joining me, and thank you so much for you guys out there, the ones listening to this right now. For listening, if you leave a rating review helps me a lot. Just listening helps me, and I appreciate you guys enjoying listening about bogs and like gross water muck because that's great and you're great. And thanks
to the Space Classics for their super awesome song. Ex Alumina. Creature features a production of iHeart Radio. For more podcasts like the one you has heard, visit the iHeartRadio app Apple podcast. All right, guess what or if you listen to your favorite shows. I'm not your mother, and I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you this one thing. Having sodium alginate goo shots does sometimes help you tummy with its problems. See you next Wednesday,