Adorable Animals Who Want To Murder You

you to death. We're talking the most surprisingly scary animals you should be afraid of. Discover this more as we answer the age old question what the heck is catfish noodling? So first let's talk venom, and I don't mean Tom Hardy being sexy having weird intimate relationships with alien goo. Venom Use is a predatory and defensive strategy in the animal kingdom, and it's one of the various weapons animals can wield against humans. Animal venom and toxins have different

methods of action. Some like that of the Russell's viper, contain coagulants blood thickeners that induce thrombosis, which means clotting, and it's really nasty and the very gross. If you've seen videos. Sometimes you can mix snake venom with just a cut of blood and it turns into like jello, so Rattlesnake venom contains hemotoxins that destroy tissue causing necrosis and stops the blood from coagulating. Kind of the opposite problem.

The threat of venom isn't overblown. Four million people worldwide are victims of envenomation and nine die. When you think of deadly venom, you probably imagine snakes and spiders, maybe a scorpion or two, but there are many other animals that are surprisingly deadly, innocent looking creatures you'd never think to be scared of until their venom is coursing through your veins and destroying your body from the inside, eyed out.

Joining me today is comedy writer, Comedy Central featured stand up comedian, and co host of the podcast Private Parts Unknown, Sofia Alexandra. Welcome, Hi, thanks for having me. You're so welcome. You told me before the show that you have a fun animal story. Yeah, and I also want to say in your intro you say that you tried cad food just to see what all the past is about. Um, I've I've eaten doggy ice cream and more than once because it is really good. Oh, they actually have it

like they they make special ice cream for dogs. It's it's it's kind of like space ice cream. It's like, do you know what I mean? It's kind of a dry ice cream and it is so fucking good. I got my dog these cookies once that were like, um, they smelled super good. They were designed four dogs, but they're like vanilla. They kind of look like vanilla oreos um and they had it smelled heavenly and they were made out of duck renderings or something like rendered duck fat.

And I try a little bit. It was not good. Um, not good in the mouth. But this is like sweet. I don't know why, but it's delicious cream anyway, And my fun animal story is okay. So I grew up in um, the Soviet Union. I grew up in Odessa, then it became you know, Ukraine. And when I was growing up, we lived in a communal apartment, which means it's a lot of people sharing a very small space.

So it would be like my mom and I were in one room and this like sixty five year old alcoholic man was in another, and we like shared the kitchen in the bathroom. Um. Anyway, just to give you an idea of what the place was, my mom and I went to a market and there was a whole truck of baby chicks and I like lost my ship. I was like, this is the best thing I've ever and I couldn't walk away from there, and I was like,

I need chicks. I need that up some chicks, and my mom, bless her, bought me two chicks to bring into the living situation. So we had them for a while until they kind of started becoming teenagers and then they got like a chicken pox. I don't know, Uh, chickens can't get chicken fox, but it's some kind of mit thing, something weird where they started losing their feathers. And then my mom was like, we can't keep them here.

We have to give them to a farm. So I really hope that they actually went to own a farm instead of to unquote farm, you know, because I didn't know farm was code then, but are the sixty year old alcoholic was from like a farm from this village, and that's where he took them, so maybe they really did. They did go to a farm, and the farm isn't just a euphemism for a big old boot exactly. So yeah, that's my funny animal story. Well that's so that's adorable.

Now we're going to talk about stuff that's not as adorable. What kind of animals are you afraid of? H I don't like it when bugs have too many legs. Yeah, like situation, Like, I just think that's fucked up. That's too many legs. When I was a little kid, of milkpede crawled up my leg and I looked down. I just like ran into the house, stripping off clothes and jumped into the shower. Yeah. Yeah, that that freaks me the funk out. Um, I'm okay with Like, I don't know.

I guess most stuff because how often are you encountering like animals in the city that you need to be afraid. I've seen coyotes in the city. Yeah, and if you're if you're human, charoites aren't too dangerous as long as you're not right. Not a chihuahua, not a sweet little in a juicy, juicy baby. Yeah. Um, so I want to take you in this show we like to go to imagination station all aboard the brain train. Uh. So, imagine you're on a lovely beach, the waves coming in

and out. Just close your eyes, even if you're driving, close your eyes. Don't do that, please, And you see on the sand as the water kind of wraps around your legs, it reveals a beautiful ornate conical shell with all sorts of vibrant colors and patterns. You pick it up to examine it further, uh, and to marvel at its beauty, and it shines in the sun. And suddenly you feel as sharp, pricking as if someone's just stabbed you in the face with a needle. Then your entire

body is racked with an unbearable pain. You start to sweat uncontrollably, your knees buckle from under you, and you collapse completely, unable to move in paralyzed. Your vision starts to swim, but you can make out blurally the cone snail in your hand and a kind of tendril attached to your face like a miniature taser. Damn. Okay, because before you started saying that, I was like, Oh, I'm afraid of things wrapping around my legs like in the

sea like nicles. And then you were like a tonicle comes out and attaches to your face and I was like, how did you know? Um? So, this is a real animal called the cone snail, and it's one of the most deadly venomous sea creatures in the world. Um. They their venom contains something called Cono toxins, which is actually named after the snail. Very inventive. So I was gonna say, oh, cone is great. Yeah, Cono toxins. Uh. And they have

a fun variety of neuromuscular effects, including respiratory and cardiovascular toxicity. Um. And it's got such a varied method of action. It combined to so many molecules and you know, fox with your inside in so many different ways that it's almost impossible to create an effective anti venom. Wow, that's beautiful. Yes, it's fucked up and beautiful. Respect cone snail. Yeah. They they're they're jack of all trades, and their trades are

the Renaissance. Yes, exactly, murder. They're like the Hugh Jackman of murder. They can sing, dance, They got an egot. Buddy's getting only toxins. Yes. Um. So some of the side effects of getting stung by a cone snail, are bleeding under the skin, cardiac dilation, which is basically when the chambers of the heart like blow up, cerebral edema, which is when fluids built up around the brain, which can cause intracranial pressure, which can cut off blood supply

and cause death. Man, So I bet you're wondering, Hey, can I can I be treated for this? Like? Is it? Actually? I was wondering, are there any cone snails nearby? Because in the office, no, I just mean like in California, in the ocean, I mean, you're unlikely to run across one, to be fair, But they are found all over the world. So they're in the Indian and Pacific Oceans, the Caribbean and Red Seas, along the coast of floor or to um. But you're unlikely to just kind of happen upon one

walking across the shore. It's usually encounters are when you're diving in the ocean, and you like, if you see one in you're diving, you shouldn't don't don't pick it up. But like snorkeling or like deep sea diving, I think mostly like like you'd actually be scuba diving. I don't think you think, okay, I'm not. That's fine, Okay, I

feel a lot better. You should also not touch things though when you're snarkling, so because you know there's a lot of things there's like a lion fish when you're snarkling. Not I don't think they're in a San Diego, but I think in Australia, you don't. You don't want to mess with them trying to tell me not to touch it in the ocean. I'm just out there, arms out. Who was that a tampon? To touch anything? I'll touch

anything in the ocean. Um. So uh, you can't actually be treated for it if you get to a hospital like immediately, not long. Like I would say, you've got to start getting to the hospital within I didn't really see any great estimates, but I would say within you know, thirty minutes of being damn uh injected at the ballpark. That um that is. But yeah, I mean you're not you know, it's like you if without treatment, it's got like a mortality rate of around se um. So uh.

They basically at the hospital, since there's no anti venom, they just try to help support your body as you work through the toxins. So um, they support your breathing and circulation and just kind of hope you ride out the venom and they they'll give you some pain killers because it's extremely excruciatingly painful. Um. It does not seem like we can do ship with this, you mean, like medically, and it seems like when we are not really we've

not solved this. Well, it's to be fair, it's extremely rare, so it's helping someone write it out, is not really a treatment. Well. Another another thing they try to do is compression bandages, like on the way to the hospital and the ambulance um to kind of try to slow the circulation of the toxin um. But too much compression can cut off circulation and that can to tissue necrosis, which is basically your tissue dying, and you don't want that.

That's no good. What about icing the body? I don't know, it's an interesting idea because you know that's what they do. I used to have breast cancer and chemotherapy and did a cold cap and they do that so that like the blood with the chemo in it doesn't circulate as much so that you can keep your hair. That's also

been used extremely rarely. There aren't that many case studies of this, but like with um rabies to try to help slow down the body processes just so um you know, the sort of lowering the temperature of the body um to help kind of amiliorate some of the effects. Yeah,

that's interesting. I don't think I think it's like so, it's not treated that often, and I think mostly just supporting the like like helping to manually help someone breathe and supporting the circulatory system and treating the symptoms as they come along seems to be the most successful. But that's a good that's a good point. I wonder if they try that. Um uh so, statistically speaking, you actually have nothing to worry about, like only thirty six people

have died in the past basically hundred years. Um. But it's still just doesn't sound like a good time to me. Sounds like a real bumber. It sounds like a real bummer. Such a horrible way to go that I feel like it just can really ruin your day. Yeah, just like getting harpooned by little Pretty seashell. It also sounds like alien or something. It doesn't sound yeah like where it's

so yeah, and it looks like it too. So it's like they have this harpoon that comes out of the proboscus, this little tentacle, it's not really tentacal, but it's just the words boscus um and it hangs out of their shell um. And so the harpoon really does look like a harpoon when you look at it under the microscope or or a hypodermic needle. It's hollow so that the venom can flow through it directly into your face. Um. It's it's actually a customized radula. So radula is the

name for basically the mollusk equivalent of teeth um. And evolution has shaped these into almost these perfect harpoon shapes. And it's kind of neat that it's a harpoon shape because that means it like it's stuck, because that's the point that's like the harpoon isn't just like a It has that little little hook that's like that little extra

screw you that lodges it into you. UM. And so the proboscus hangs out lures in unsuspecting fish, and then when the fish or other prey item gets close enough, they shoot them with a harpoon like a taser um. And then the venom goes into the fish, paralyzes it, kills it typically um, and then it can just you know, suck in the prey through its proboscis. Respect ah. And some larger cone snails have harpoons that are big enough

to pierce a wetsuit. What just to make you feel extra safe, um, cone snail venom is one of the most potent venoms in the world. It's more deadly per unit than that of the king cobra. Um. King cobra does kill more people, but it's venom. It actually is able to pump in more. First of all, you're more likely to come across I was just gonna say, it's not as rare as a cone snail, right, and then it's they're more. They're more You're just more likely to

accidentally piss off a cobra. Uh. And then it's also they pump in more venom than a cone snailed. But per unit, it's a lot more powerful than that of the king cobra. It's also constantly regrowing it's harpoon, so it's always got a ready arsenal to continue murdering. Again. Wow, just a commitment to murder is just unparalleled, right, it's like one of these kind of like someone who's unhealthily obsessed with guns and just has this huge collection of guns.

It's like, what are you planning on doing? Like you're like put that gun away, and they're like okay, and then they take out another gun, right, and they have like several more guns on them. It's like like I'll need you to, like, you know, put your put your gun on the table. And they just like take out an entire arsenal and like you're like is that all

of them? And they're like no, yeah, just like a they like take out a huge like bazooka and all these other things and grenades and so never give up, never surrender when it comes to murder. Love the cone snail. So a weird thing about them is that some Kune snail species, venom, has a component to it which, when isolated, can be used as a pain killer that can be could potentially be a thousand times more potent than that of morphine and potentially less addictive. Potentially potentially I just

like to imagine. I like that. They're like it could be great, or you will be the new the new drug. Just people going around finding kune snails getting shot in the face like it hurts, but it feels so good. Uh. And then I want to talk about another cute little sea creature that doesn't seem very dangerous. So these a little tike, cute little jellyfish. Don't trust those, but there's these ones are called the could Dangi jellyfish. Uh. Actually

I think I pronounced that wrong. I think it's kanji. Yes, that sounds right. Uh. And they're about the size of your thumbnail. They're teeny tiny, dude, you know, kitty like you know. And those are the ones that sting me when I when I go to Mexico. The Yeah, they're not the same clue, yeah, yeah, but these staying a lot and they're little and you don't see what they happen. It's like in Finding Nemo where Dori finds the keels

jellyfish and it's stings aer um. But they're they're the one of the smallest jellyfish in the world, and they're also one of the most venomous um. Like the kumb snail. They will fire their stingers into their victims, and the effects of their sting is known as the Urukanji syndrome, and it includes symptoms such as excruciating muscle cramps, severe kidney pain, burning sensation in the skin, headaches, sweating, nausea, vomiting,

increased heart rate and blood pressure. Psychological phenomena of a feeling of impending doom caused by the release of uh some kind of neurotransmitter that the jellyfish also has. So it's not only destroying your body, but destroying your mind. I mean, I respect a multitasker physical and psychological torture. That's really that jellyfish. Jellyfish is a real hater. It is. It's a it's a professional hater. Uh So the sting

is just moderately irritating. Um, and that's kind of what I guess, thank you you will at first, and then about thirty minutes after being stung, here in for a bad time. I mean, yeah, I heard what you just read. So the effects of the sting it's not immediate, like so for sure, it's like, oh little, it's fine, just a little a little a little bit of an irritation.

It's not so bad. And then thirty minutes later you're just your your body is dying in your brain is tricked into thinking there's impending doom, except there also is. So it's like, uh, um and the sting is a hundred times as potent as a cobra and a thousand times as potent as venomous tarantula. I like that we keep comparing the everything to King Cobra or like, yeah, Bucky, you're not as bad as you think. I know, Cobra,

you think you're a badass, You're really not. Nope, Uh it's uh, it's a real I like, I like doing sick burns on cobras. Yeah, I mean somewhere out there, they're like plotting a revenge against against you, right, I mean also, cobras just seemed like the jocks of the snake world there. They liked aupper body, Yeah, just like flex and all the time. And I mean completely skipping leg day obviously. Um yeah, we're those calves bro Uh so they the one of the ways that these jellyfish

can kill you is fatal brain hemorrhage. Cool, So I'd like to know what that looks like. Is at an internal situation, so your brain bleeds to death? No, but like would any of the blood come out of your nose or your ears or anything? But I don't think so I mean, you might be just bleeding around anyways because you're you get um a lot of muscle cramps and such. But I think it's mostly just internal. I don't think the blood is like splurting out of your eyeballs.

I gotta say, I'm a little disappointed. Yeah, I know it's you're going to do this go all the way like a tent on deadliness, but a zero on presentation. Seriously, all about the presentation. I was expecting, like a movie, bleeding out of the mouth and blurting blood everywhere, crying tears blood would be amazing. Anything like that I was looking for. We have talked on the show about them. It's the horn toad. It's actually a lizard and it uh, it does squirt blood out of its size, but on

purpose as a defense strategy. It's pretty cool. Is the blood poisonous? It's distasteful. It doesn't taste good. So it's like if they gets tasteful, Yeah, if it gets in niciotes mouth, They're they're like, oh, I'm not gonna eat you. You squirt stink blood at me. That's not good. Amazing. Um, So where would you suppose these jellyfish live? Just just guessing Australia. Yes, correct, most deadly shit is from there. Yeah, it's always Australia. People are always telling me to go there.

I was like, there's a lot of other places that are not. They also box jellyfish. They also have like the blue ring doctpus. I'm pretty sure we have all those spiders that are poisonous too. Yeah. Yeah, although as well discuss later, you shouldn't be as afraid of spiders as these other animals, so I didn't even put them on my list. So these jellyfish send almost a hundred people to the hospital a year, so that's not great.

Um do most people survive? What's this? Well, if you go Yeah, if you go to the hospital, you can successfully be treated generally, but if you don't get to you would have before you start dying. I think it's so there aren't that many case studies because like as soon as someone gets stung, they just like sent them out. But you definitely have a good thirty minutes before you start showing any symptoms. So um, yeah, I would say if you can get to the hospital within an hour,

you'll probably'll be okay. I don't know, don't don't quote me on that don't like get stung by one and then like ites, fine, well she so I don't ever know or get a massive lawsuit. Yeah so catfish. Did you know catfish can sting? I didn't know. Yeah, I thought they. I thought they were kind of adorable with their like mustaches. Yeah, just like like harmless big mouth mustachio dudes. Yeah. I mean in my mind, they're like wearing a top hat essentially. I don't know how they

have like a French like a French accent. They're like oh she um. So they have dorsal and pectoral spines that can inject you with venom. The venom isn't deadly, but it can cause severe tissue necrosis, which is like I explained tissue dying off. Don't google it, don't do it. I'll let me describe it. Let me paint a mental picture so you're not tempted to google it. What tissue necrosis looks like is you know, like the burnt part of a pizza, um like that, but like on your skin.

And it's not that it's burning, it's that it's dying flesh. It's just straight on black and creepy. Yeah, it's like black and blue and green and like your poles and just yeah, it looks like it looks like a little chunk of your body has been turned into a zombie. It's it's pretty gross and not good for you to to have on. Oh oh my goodness. Um, have you heard about catfish noodle? Uh? Yeah, I feel like I have what comes to mind? Isn't that a sport? Maybe

I like pull catfish out? Okay, yeah, I don't know if it's a I don't. I didn't realize it was like a sport. I'm not sure if it's like ah, I thought, maybe they do. Maybe I just made that be a thing, and I hope it's a thing. I kind of don't because you shouldn't harass catfish because you

can both get hurt. But it is pretty funny. Um. So newling is when people go into swamps and then they put their fists into or it doesn't necessarily have to be swamps anywhere where catfish roam, and they find like a catfish burrow, um, and then like they stick their whole arm down into the burrow and the catfish will freak out and like bite your arm and then pull your arm, pull your arm out and the whole huge catfish is on your arm. Um. So I'm gonna

say on the record, I don't recommend it. Um. I suppose unless you're a professional catfish noodler, because catfish is heavy, and we don't we're not super buoyant. So if you're like swimming down and you get bitten by a catfish and then you can't swim back up, you could drown. They're also also what an undignified way die? Right, yeah, like like imagine catfishing. Yeah, you're acking loved ones. Writing the obituary, I mean to be like, I guess we

have to put catfish noodling in this. He died as he lived, sticking things sticking in his sucking hands where they don't belong. Fuck you, Kevin deep throating catfish with his arm, as as he he he would have wanted to die this way. We don't even miss him, We don't. What a dumbass, What a douche bag? Um. Yeah, and also you know, because they have those spines that can inject you with venom that are very painful. I just wouldn't.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't noodle a catfish personally. Apparently I was reading about catfish noodling, and people do them in pairs as a sport because like it's too dangerous to do it alone, so you have to have a spotter, a catfish noodle or spot um. And so I mean, I guess if you if you feel it's also illegal in a lot of places because it's dangerous and pointless. Uh so, uh if you must catfish noodle, noodle with a buddy, p s a. Never noodle alone, Never noodle alone.

Let people know when you like, have a noodle itinerary where it's like at eight am, I'm going to such and such swamp and I'm going to catfish noodle with this friend and alert, I mean you will you probably at that point you'd probably interrested because it's legal a lot of places. I apologize to everyone who practices catfish noodling. I may be missing out on They're very angry right now, right like it may be a real important tradition in places. But um, I I think it's fine if you know

what you're doing. But if you're listening to this podcast and you're thinking, is catfish noodling right, maybe I would say no, I would say don't unless just don't don't noodle, stay stay in scoodle. Don't noodle, please, someone make this merge. Stay in scoodle. Don't you noodle? Can you become immune to venom? So right up top, I'm gonna say, hey, guys, don't try it, be cool, stay in school, and don't

inject yourself with deadly snake venom. That said, my p s A didn't reach the ears of rock Senior Steve Ludwin, who has been injecting himself with snake venom for over thirty years. He's in punk bands and he likes to shoot up with snake venom that he's collected. So why is it? Because it's just super punk to do. But it goes beyond that. Ludwin is an animal lover, and hey, I mean I'm an animal lover too, But I don't inject snake venom into my veins like hardly about But

to little one, it's an intimate experience. He says, quote, snakes are fucking everywhere. The symbol for medicine is two snakes. They're ingrained in our brain and our DNA unquote. I can't actually verify any of that. Uh. He has another motivation for like the voice, Hey man, snakes. They're fuck neverwhere, man, They're in our d n a. Uh So he probably doesn't sound anything like that. So he's got you're dead on Yeah it's and now you're right. Uh So, he

actually has another motivation for injecting himself. He wants to quote build up an immunity. So here's another quote for him. But you know, I've always loved snakes, and I had no idea what it would do to me. But I knew it'd been done before, and I was curious to see if it was possible to become immune to snake venom. So again, I think it's good to point out that typically the best thing you can hope for after injecting yourself a snake venom is a trip to the hospital

and maybe he'll survive without too many amputations. Uh So, for an example of the dangers once blood win quote overdosed on venom. Uh he didn't want to go to the hospital, despite the fact that his hand blew up to the size of a baseballment, because he was afraid his snakes would be confiscated from him. Oh my god, he owns the snakes, yes, yes, he milks them and then injects himself with their venom. Okay, you missed telling me that I buried the lead on that one. That

is fun. He's like got a snake farm essentially, Yeah, to inject himself and you're not supposed to get high off your own supply. Yeah. So to pass the time, he watched David Attenborough series about reptiles as his arm just started to get bigger and bigger, and he finally decided to go after the go to the hospital once his entire arms swell up and uh. He described his arm as something out of the Evil Dead Um. So he somehow survived and his complete insanity might benefit us

all somehow. Researchers at the University of Copenhagen are trying to develop the first human derived anti venom using Ludwe's antibodies. So typically anti venom is developed by injecting domesticated animals with small amounts of snake venom and collecting their antibodies. The University of Copenhagen's Ludwin Library of Human Derived anti venom maybe a godsen for those who reject anti venom

derived from animals. As Ludwin puts it, quote, those scientists win the noble prize for medicine and I get recognition. That would be pretty sweet. I can't believe this idiot is going to benefit. He may save us all. So when we come back, I'll discuss a couple more surprisingly venomous animals as well as some sweet cute little babies who can jet your ship right up. So animals often take advantage of us by being cute. We've talked about

this before. Are on the show where any animal who fits into our baby's schema, having big foreheads, big eyes, adorable baby like proportions, to que you, woody flies, bigugi, want to love and cudoyam foebo. In fact, there's a research study that found viewing cute images increases behavioral carefulness, and this may be the cutest behavioral study I've ever heard of. Participants were exposed to pictures of dogs and cats,

either as puppies and kittens or as adults. Those who saw the pictures of the cute little puppies and kitties performed better on what the researchers called a quote fine motor dexterity task a k a. The Hasbro game operation. Researchers think the effect of cuteness goes beyond your aptitude at pulling butterflies out of cavity Sam's stomach. They think that by seeing something cute, we go into a hyper careful mode, perhaps which is helpful and child wearing. But

there may be another reason to be extra careful. Joe, I'm cute things want to kill us and we can't be beguiled by their adorable puppy is waits at being really careful? Is what makes you good at operation? I guess so. I thought it was steady hands brought on by exan X. Yeah, just just like getting a xan X prescription, just to be good at those study hand games. Yeah, like adderall and focus. Yeah yeah, mix zanex and aderal. Don't do that, you'll die or something bad. I'm sure

something that. Don't. Don't don't mix. Don't don't mix medications without a doctor, especially not to get good at operations. It's really not worth it. No, it's not. So. Have you ever seen those like viral videos of the slow loris Have you seen those before? I don't know what. Let me show you and I don't know if I haven't. And it's acute, e Woodey, look at the cute. Yes, it is adorable, adorable. It's got these big brown eyes. It's got like it's like a long pain almost yes, slail,

it's like a long miniature panda. Um. And I'm sure you may have seen like those videos of that that little slow lorist getting little tummy scratchy use and its arm lifting up and it's so cute, but it's actually very sinister in many ways, as we will discuss. So no one can see this, but my eyes are widened with just like just like a slow loris. So say you come across a slow lorist in the wild. Uh. These are some of the most adorable little primates you've

ever seen. They're found in tropical and subcrit tropical Southeast Asia. Their nocturnal primates with huge adorable eyes. They're fluffy, they got cute little poopable noses, cute little hands. They kind of look like a cross between a porg and a monkey. They're so cute, cute sloth like features. Also, they just like it's just one of the most huggable looking animals. But you should not them. Do not do that because they have a vault to mimic a cobra's deadly bite. Um.

They're actually yes. They are the only known venomous primate in the world. Wow, I didn't even know primates could be venomous. While most of them are, the only this one. Uh. They have a toxin and the crook of their inner arms, so when threatened, it will put its arms up over its head, exposing these toxic pits. Uh. Not not like when I raised my arms up and everybody has to smell my pits. Get it? Sometimes you know, it gets sweaty down there and I can't help it. Dude, it's

the summer. It is the summer. But actually it's not their arm pits. It's the brachial gland on their upper arm um, and so it secretes a venom um. And it actually also mimics a cobra's general look with a posture and dark coloration that kind of looks like a cobra's hood. Uh. And it undulates from like a serpentine manner, like sexy like just like and then he hugs you to death. Uh. So it'll Actually the way it delivers this venom is it like sucks the venom from its

arms with its mouth and then it bites. So it's like like liq li, like my arms, bite, bite, bite your butt. That's so weird. It looks it's like taking tequila shots. But but venom and then it all like once it bites, it doesn't like to let go because that it gets more venom in that way. Um, and this venom can actually cause anaphylactic shock in humans, and even there has been recorded cases of people dying from this. How do you get it to let go? You know

how they say like bulls like hackle its arm. It's no, no, wait, there's more like you put a finger apparently up the butt of a pit bull. If it's not letting go. I don't know I've or that. I don't. I don't recommend. I'm not saying you should put a finger up. I don't know. I don't think you should. I don't know what you should saying. What do you do? I wouldn't personally, I wouldn't recommend putting a finger up a slow lorises. But that's it's not saying how do you get it

off of you? How do you get it off of you? Well? I don't know. I think like, uh, by that point, you've already screwed up. It's too late. You just got to accept your fate because you missed with one of the cutest animals in the world. You've made it scared. This is your punishment. I love how fatalistic you are about it. You're like, no, you've sucked up. It's time to say because like it's so it's so cute, and you scared it and you kept molesting it until it

bit you. So like you know, so question that video of the thing being tickled and exposing its pits, was it about to get violent? Um? It was definitely scared. So it was like, uh, it's lifting its arms up like that can be a sign that it's it feels threatened. Um, I don't know, you know, if it was about to bite. In fact, I think that's with some of these uh the because there are actually one of the main threats to slow horses is there the wildlife trade. There's this

illegal pet trade. And they are really not good pets. They're not domesticated, they're not meant to be pets. They you know, it's there. They have poisonous bites there for they have poisonous armpits. Um. I think sometimes they remove those glands so they won't be dangerous. I know, it's really mean um and uh so I just let the animal right an right. So so those videos of them

getting tickled are really not necessarily that cute. I can't can't say for certain that the they're scared in the videos. It's hard. It's hard to know. Um. But like lifting their arms up like that is assigned posture. Yeah, so it wouldn't be surprising to me if they were feeling threatened. But like they can't do anything about it. Um so, Uh, mommy lorises will rub toxins on their babies so to protect them. Yeah yeah, and partially that those toxins will

protect them from parasites to um smart yeah. Um so. Actually, the way that their venom works is it triggers a severe allergy. Uh. It's similar to the molecular structure of the allergen and cat dander, just a lot more potent um. So that's why it causes anaphylactic shock in some people, because it's like this really severe. My husband would die in a seconds. Um. That's another reason not to keep them as pets. You will die, now, like the dance you did with you will die, You will die. Don't

collect elite loris is. They will kill you with their own pets. Um So, like I said earlier, we're more of a danger to them than there to us. There in dangered because of deforestation and the illegal wildlife trade. So if you see one on like have you seen them on Craigslist listing, or you want to get one as a pet, you don't, like we have dogs and cats are great pets and dogs are They've evolved with us forever just to be our pets. And cats I

mean obviously we're just slaves to cats. So like, either of those options are great to have us pets. Just don't slow lorises. Leave them alone. They'll they're not for you, man, They'll they'll kill you with their arm pits. Then around. Uh So, another another cuty, little little cute, little baby animal is a platypus. They're like the lovable goofballs of the animal kingdom because their whole structure is ridiculous. Their

bodies like a jumble. Yeah, it's amazing. They look like a duck of evil and like a kidnah all mixed together. Great affinity for them, because when I look in the mirror, I'm like, well, the snows was not supposed to be here.

This went clearly to the much bigger person. It's like when you wake up in the morning, you're like, you look like a character generation generator that just got Like you click the randomizer button, you're like huh yeah, or it's like, you know, ship is not good when like your face idea doesn't recognize right, it's like, nah, Sophia and this is not it. And I'm like, oh, okay, well uh so yeah, these are actually their monotreams. Uh, the platypus so there is. That's why. That's why they're

so like so jumbled. Uh. So they're like a very early form of mammal um. So they're actually kind of a cool look into our evolutionary past um because they lay eggs and they excrete milk, but they don't have nipples. They just kind of like it uses through their pores in their skin. Um. Yeah, so they're just getting milky all over. Well, I mean yeah, so there are actually these like grooves and their tummies that sort of like the milk coals is in and then the babies just

look it up. Okay, so like milk folds. Yeah, but they're not nipples yet. They didn't have they haven't evolved it yet. Yeah. Um and uh they and that's that also explains like their bizarre appearance of having like bills and stuff. Um, they're just they're just super ancient forms of mammals. It's really cool. Um and uh guess where they are Australia. We've actually talked about them a little

bit before. They use electrolocation, uh, which means they can detect very tiny electrical signals coming from prey like worms and stuff in the water. U. Um and but something that you know, they look really cute, just like lovable little goofballs. But male platypus have a spur on their feet that can deliver a powerful kick of venom. Just a spur, yes, just one. No, they got got them on both back and that makes sense. I was like,

that'd be really weird if it's just one. Well, male male platypus can uh So, like even though it's not deadly to humans, it is super duper unpleasant and very painful. Um. It is deadly to smaller animals like dogs. Um. And it's so painful to humans that it can be incapacitating. Uh So it can also even like in the months following getting stung by platypus, you can have a hypersensitivity to pain. Ah, so it sucks you up for a while. Um. But they have those little duck feed What do you

mean these things are poisonous? They look they look like they would just be like they're like, please, put me on your lap, Put me on your lap. Gab you I can't believe enjoy the pain for the coming months. Can you see the spurs? Yea, okay, females have the spurs too, but they actually aren't attached to like, they don't have the glands that produce the venom. Yeah. Um, so you can pick up a female on you Yeah, well I don't you said it? Don't don't just leave

them alone. Leave them alone, God, but leave leave the platypus alone. Um. So why do they have these, Well, they are probably defensive weapons. They can also be weapons that are used between males to compete during mating season. Um. And it's likely that the venom was derived from what's called defense and like proteins, which is part of the immune system that kills off pathogens um and has been adapted into a defensive venom in the platypus. I had no idea. Yes, they they got all the girl one.

I don't care, but then they're jealous. Boyfriends are going to come up and stab you with their pointy feet. Fuck. Good point. You know if they can pierce like shoes or something, I don't know, because if not, I got you don't just like hug them with your galoshes just wearing boots on the beach, I don't. They aren't really a beach. They're not. I mean, you know again, like unless you really like kind of frustrate a platinum for you're probably fine. Well they're in They're like in there

in marshy like water, bodies of water like swampy. Yeah yeah, um so uh some cute animals can pack a punch even if they don't have venom. Um. So, do you know of leopard seals? No? Are they seals that are leopard printed? Yeah? Exactly. I'm down. I'm very down. I'm a big print, cute, cute little guy. Hello. They look like a little feep up. These they're so cute. I mean, they look pretty much like regular seals. They just have

a little bit of spots. They got spots, and they kind of have this little smile like at that they smile. But all the seals smile. Yeah, but these ones are cute too. They're cute. They have like a little bit of like a Dalmatian situation going a little bit, but the spots aren't as big and uh they are found in the Antarctic. Uh. They're very cute until they open their huge, terrible mounts. Wow, that isn't unhinge the jaw

and swallow a pain the whole situation. Their mounts are a whole of full of huge teeth and their jaws can open so wide they can chow down on an entire penguin. Yeah, that's what it looked like. You could just swallow the penguin. I think, I mean, I feel like that could fit my head in it. I have a small head, but I mean too um child side sunglasses for me. Ah Yeah, someone knitted a hat and was like, oh, this doesn't fit anyone because it's like sized for a child. And I put it on. It's

like roomy yes, um signy head club. Yes, the heads that can fit right in a seal. Uh. So they've actually been known to attack and even drowned humans. Uh. They hate us, Well, I mean we do kind of. We just annoyed them. I mean we are destroying the planets so yeah, no, no, it's on us. You're right seals,

you you are correct to harmless seals. But not really because like so there was a marine biologist too, was just innocently studying and he was killed after being dragged two feet below the water by a leopard seal, which is just a horrifying way to go. Dude, that is really far down. Yes, it's just so it's like just being dragged. That is the worst death, being dragged, and

they're like feeling yourself drowned as you're being dragged. That's like I think that's sort of the basis of the I think it's called like lassophobia, where it's like that fear of the depths and just being dragged into the depths of the ocean. I totally get it. That's the so creepy quick question. Was the seal mad because he was not enjoying being studied That maybe it could have been like a situation where it's like like do they do that to swimmers? I mean, maybe the steal was

just following stand your water ground like Kennel standard. There's standard laws, stand my water laws. Yes you're in my ocean. That's it. Got uh so cuter story. Is that the way question? Do they always drag their prey down? Oh? They mostly buy them real good. So he really was mad at the man. Yeah, I mean I don't know. It could be like he may have just been playing because they have been known they like they're kind of

like cats, they like to play with their prey. So he may have just been sort of playing around, like oh, this is fun as the guys just like panicking and drowning. Because these are they're bird seals or psychopaths, they're the permanent teenagers. They're they're like the asshole They're like the asshole cats of the sea. Um, so this is a

just a palate cleanser. This cute story. Female leopard seal found a wildlife photographer doing uh some photos and uh he like when he was fully aware of the dangers of leopard seals, so he was like really scared. But photographers are weird and that's somehow they can kind of dissociate themselves from their fear and just keep taking photos. Like I keep hearing this story over and over there, like oh this is really scary. IM I'm about to die. I better get a good shot, Like I gotta get

a good frame. That's so crazy. Um, gotta get that good composition right before you die. So he was like crap. You know, he was pretty scared. But instead of like chomping on him or dragging him to his death, she

kept trying to feed him. So she would take like half like these just like dead penguins and like throwing them at him, and like she would get increasingly frustrated because he kept refusing to eat it, and he thought that maybe it was like she thought he was either like a malnourished or like a baby seal or something, and she was like eat the food, eat the food kind of. She's the Jewish mom. Yes, so thin eats.

Sit down, what are you doing? Where are you going? Um? Yeah, my grandma would be like how you need to eat more, and then like and then or other times to be like oh you look so healthy and full. It's like just stop please. Yeah, you know, my family's will be like, oh you look fat. God. They didn't mean it in a negative way, but that like a positive way. They just I just think it's weird to like, uh, bee

keeping track of my weight is publicly. Yeah, So it's not like I'm like mad, I'm just like it's weird that you're keeping track. It was I'm not out here being like, well, last time you were right at sixty two and today you're one. Yeah, it's super weird. And I really hate it when, like when my grandma used to just shove dead penguins down my mouth. Yeah, I know, it's such a common experience around the dish, Like, god, Grandma, I already told you only like the top half of

the penguin. I do not like the feet. Get it away from me. Um. So that also reminds you of cats where it's like they give you they keep giving you half dead mines because they're trying to teach you. And you know seals will teach their young how to so it's it's it's pretty. It's a heartwarming story other than the times that the seals try to drown us and kill us. I like that you don't know if they're going to feed you or kill you. Yeah, that's

it's a gamble with seals real. Uh. You know, it's like like you could have a game show called make a Seal and you gotta make a deal and if you choose the wrong seal, you die. Starring Howie Mandel and there's no control whatsoever of which contestants could eaten. Just Howie Mandel like trying to fight off some seals. Watch that. I mean, I'm pretty sure he's a huge drummer phobe. So, um, I wonder what he would be

like in the water. Is like or she was covered in a wetsuit and just like fighting seals with that? Is that your You've got drama right there. Yeah, Howie Mandel Seal Smasher Steal Fighter starring Howie Mandel and The Rock as the Seal, Vin Diesel as Elephant Seal one. That's like, that's like the that sided of the trifecta of like shiny headed boys, bald baldmin yeah, hot tough baldmin in club. Yeah. Um, gotta get swoll. You gotta lose your hair. You gotta gotta get you swoll if

you want to be King of the shoal. So there's the Scottish Smith of Kelpies. Have you heard of these na So there's there's these beautiful shape shifting women who are sometimes horses. Um, this is like a Mermaid version. Yeah, it's the version of a Mermaid, Scottish version of the Mermaid where they're like horses. Um, so, I guess Scottish people kind of want to suck a horse. Well, I I kind of wanted to suck a fish. I'm not going to go on the record and say that, but

you can. Uh so. Uh, these these beautiful creatures, uh want to kind of like mermaids and some versions of folklore. They want to seduce you, so you go to the water and then they grab onto you and drown you. Like the elephant seal. You mean, like the leopard seal. Yes, thank you. Elephant seals are the ones with the big old floppity pro They're so fun. They're fun. Uh sorry, just took a detour, that's all right. The elephant seals always deserve a mention just for how great they are. Um,

and the sounds they make. They do make good sounds. So the myth of the kelpie may have originated from just like explaining how otherwise capable, full grown men would drown in bodies of water. Um, because it's surprisingly easy to drown, especially undertow You can get caught in just like a sort of a current that like sucks you under.

Like I went backpacking last weekend and I was like reading all about how the ways you can die and seemingly innocent looking streams, and like one way as you get like you get sucked through tree roots and then you get tangled and you drown. I would love to go hiking with you. I normally hate it, but yes, you're gonna tell me about all the ways I could die beforehand. I would Oh, I definitely google all the ways I can possibly die. It's a it's part of

my anxiety anyways. UM One other explanation for how kelpie the myth of the kelpie originated was a weather phenomenon called water spouts, where it's like a sort of vortex of water that can look like like a living figure. I guess if you're drunk enough, maybe you're squinting and you haven't seen a woman in a really long right. If you're super Scottish, you're very drunk and you see like a like a water spout and it's like lassie, beautifuls I put my dick in that. I don't know

how to just scot. I do want to talk about a real life kelpie, though, which is what is the beautiful and elegant swan? Um? So, swans are sexy. Swans are sexy. They're beautiful. They but they're super they are like super jock aggro. Like they're always like like you want to start some bra bra. They're mean, they're study yeah, bro, they're like the mean girls. They mean yeah, I mean girls and boys like the males are especially territorial and aggressive,

especially when defending their nesting sites. So tell me about it. I do want to dispel one myth. They cannot typically break your legs with their necks or their wings. They are strong, They've got very strong nex Oh, I just it's just sort of a I think it's just sort of an urban legend. Think you made that up? No,

I didn't. Well, because like my mom, I remember she told me the story about how she was at like a pond and there was a swan and the swans started chasing her, and like she was like running away and screaming, and like like bystanders were like laughing at her, and some guy was like, oh, it was a good thing you ran away from that swan because they can like break your legs. I think this is a personal urban myth that that man started for. I don't I think,

I don't know. I'm pretty sure this is a let us know, let us the swan breaking tweet at how wrong Sophia is. That would be great. Yeah, please tweet at me with how right I am. That's I mean, you can do that if you're wrong, but if you're one of the smart people who are correct. Anyways, the point is they probably can't break your legs like Mafioso's, but they will his flat they will. And uh, they have drowned a person before, and they will try to

what how do they drown a person? Well? Um, So there was a swan keeper in the plains Iowa sung gloss over what swankeeper? Apparently some people keep swans um any other bird they asked me to keep. I say it designed the swan keeper, the keep of the keys to the swans, show the swan, so I may keep them. Come HITHERN answer these questions through that so that you may see my swans. Um. I think some people like to have swans in ponds because they like chase off

geese and stuff. So uh and swans, I guess we don't want geese. Yeah, I guess swans are prettier than geese. But swans fox with you just as much as geese. So I'm not really sure. It's just kind of treating morphine for method one over here, right. I guess Mute swans are quieter, but they're still extremely aggressive. Um so um uh. So there was a swan keeper who was drowned to death by a posse of angry swans. Oh my god. They didn't do it alone, swans. Uh. They

capsized his kayak and they swimming in the vessel. He was in a kayak. They knocked him over and then they just kept him from swimming to shore and he drowned. Shut. Um yeah, and uh, actually Anna just texted me that a swan killed a dog as its owner watched on in horror as the bird quote beat down on it. Oh my god. Um oh yeah. And it's so it killed the dog with its wings, So that's what the fuck? Yeah,

they're pretty, they're they're powerful animals. Wait, so, how so they can communicate their hate to each other to drown a person as a group with that's a lot with a lot of hissing and flapping. And I think, yeah, it's like that's a lot, right that they all could like do that together. I mean, I think it's just can't get fucking three people to brunch. These fucking swans are getting posses to murder people. Just one of them's got a switchblade and one of them is just like

smacking its fist and it's it's wing for real. These are some badass snapping their little wing fingers like the short side story. Um So, there was also an infamous swan in the UK who kept a king rowers and was named mr Asbo, which is apparently a word referring to the UK acronym quote anti social behavior orders, which I guess is from like the I guess it's like if someone if a kid is like misbehaving, they can send out an anti social behavior order, like stopping the

kid from like doing that behavior. I'm I'm actually not sure, and I apologize that that word is like sort of derogatory or something. It's just like we just don't know anything about It's just like a British acronym. And so they named this swan mr Asbo because he kept attacking rowers and boats and trying to capsize boats. Insane. I love that instead of removing him, they were just like,

let's name him. I'm keeping yeah, because if I'm if I'm correct, I think you should kill him, but maybe move him to where there's no They just like, well, let's just call him Mr. Asshole, and like would just keep it. I mean, they killed swan keepers, so what to the rest of us, Like, we don't stand a chance. Why are we eating for that swan to become a murderer. I mean it's it is guilty before proven in a sense.

We're gonna move this swan to where he's not bothered by rowers, right, Um, I'm going to start a campaign. I mean, to be fair, I feel like the swan was there first, so maybe we should move out of that. Either of that, I'm just saying because I'm pretty sure that swan is gonna like any attempt to move that swan. If I've learned anything from Hot Fuzz, it's impossible. Well, I definitely think you have to drug the swan, right, and then he just makes up in a beautiful pond

and there's no rowers. Have you seen Hot Fuzz? Yes, but not in the long last time. They like keep trying to chase find it swan and get it back like a swan that's like on the loose, and then like the whole danuma of the thing is when they realize it's not just one swan, and it's also not just one murderer. But if that, if that movie are more accurate, probably the swan would be the murderer the whole time. Oh man, that's ultimate twiz and that shan is gonna be good money about this. I mean to

be fair. Statistically speaking, swans don't kill that many people, obviously, because it's super newsworthy when a person swans don't kill people swan's beaks and people with swans kill people people. So we've talked about cute things that can be aggressive, but what about cute aggression? So cute aggression is the feeling some of us get when we see something cute, like an unspeakably adorable puppy, where we get our teeth and clinch our fists and go, oh you you'll, I'm

gonna smash you, want to eat you? So what's up with that? Though? The term cute aggression has only been popularized since there's a Filipino word called an excuse me pronunciation jagil that means quote, the gritting of teeth and the urge to pinch or squeeze something that is unbearably cute. So this is called a dimorphous display, meaning there's a mismatch between a positive feeling and a typically negative expression, sort of like when you're so happy you cry yale.

Researchers found that people were more likely to pop bubble wrap and make aggressive expressions when faced with really cute images. They theorize that when you get too overwhelmed by something cute, the intensity of the emotions and the strength of the caretaker signal short circuits your brain. Both aggression and hugging could be approach responses that may be connected in the brain. It's just that the cute wato face you have a baby puppy overload your brain and mixes up your approach

signal to go from gently pet to crutching schmoosh. When we get back, we'll talk about some innocent looking animals that will most certainly crush and smush you. So do you have a zoophobia? It's very common a phobia of some kind of animal. One of the most common phobias is arachnophobia, a fear of spiders, but this may not actually be warranted. Only around seven people die a year in the US of spider bites, if any at all in any given year. So for comparisons, staircases kill over

a thousand people a year. In fact, when you really look at the numbers, some of the animals we fear are far less frightening than some we may overlook. Let's compare the terrifying shark with the adorable cow. Well, sharks kill only about seven people globally a year, whereas cows in the US kill around twenty two people a year by either stomping or going. Of course, a cow isn't

inherently more aggressive or dangerous than a shark. Just statistically speaking, you're more likely to encounter a murderous cow than a murderous shark. But sometimes unexpected animals aren't just statistically more likely to kill you, but definitely are gunning for you far more than their scarier counterparts. We're about to reveal how some animals do you think are dangerous matchup against

their real unexpected harrors. So we're about to match up some animals, and I mean, I think I've probably spoiled it with the theme of the episode, But who would you think is more dangerous a bear or a moose? Moose, you're very You're you're catching onto my whole tricky theme here. Well, it's just that I've also seen a moose and it was so fucking scary and big I was like, Oh, it's gonna funk up this car if it's like charges it.

And so now I'm like, yeah, fuck a moose. Actually a lot of deaths regarding moose happened because they're in the road and it's a car accident, and it's just the moose is such a huge animal that the impact can kill the occupants of the vehicle. Yeah, and also the yeah yeah, So Actually, Jesse Coltrane, a wildlife biologists told CBS News, quote, assume every moose is a serial killer standing in the middle of the trail with a loaded gun, which basically describes how capable these animals are

of killing you. Um. So they're actually not more aggressive than bears. Um, but they do outnumber them, so you're much more likely to encounter them. Uh. In Alaska, ten people are attacked by moose a year, which is more than grizzly and black bears attacks combined. Um. Moose are generally gentle creatures, but not when they're mad at you. Not if you like scare them and they're they're just freaking giants. I think if you haven't seen one in person,

it's hard to even contemplate how big they are. Um, So here's some stats. They're heavier than a bear, they're taller than a horse, and they can run up to thirty five miles per hour. Uh So if you upset a moose, you're just not in good shapes over buddy. So they will attack when provoked, but also when they're hungry. So uh, I really identified with that. Yeah. You know, like those those like Snickers commercials were like you turn into lies a maneli when you don't eat your Snickers.

It's like these moose are just always lies a Maneli's like going like, ha, I'm big and my god, big knees. No, I'm so hungry. It's not really hum liesa moli talks really good. Linili, I'm a moose. Can I still do a falsey nuck? So if you you should not feed moose, and here's one reason. If you feed them and then they return to that spot where you fed them and they find no more food, they'll be pretty pissed. They'll get cranky and aggressive. Um, and when they start licking

their lips. Uh, that's when you know they're agitated. Um so, and it's time to get out of there. When they're gone, all cool ja right, And I don't. The main thing is like try not to upset a moose, try not to like get into a moose's own um. But some sources have read have said, like if a moose is like just like if you see a moose and it looks like, don't approach it and like try to get

away from it. Um, you want to like leave its territory. Um, it's not a predator, so generally speaking, I don't think it's gonna necessarily chase you if you like, if you scram so like with with some predators, you have to be careful because if you like kind of get out of there quickly, they will chase you. They're like challenge accepted. Like with bears, you're so supposed to kind of back right, Well, not always. It depends on the kind of bear. Um,

some of them you're supposed to. Like with some of the smaller bears, like you, I think playing dead is more successful. But like with grizzly bears, you're just like I think, or actually it might be don't listen to me, about bear safety. Just it's not a bear safety because it's not a safety podcast. But just like so, depending on the type of bear, you either want to back away or just ball up into a fetal position to protect yourself. And the same thing is true of moose.

Like if a moose is stomping on you, you're supposed to like ball up into a fetal position and hope it stops. Um, but you know, John a sad plan. Don't take my word for it. Take a moose safety course before you tangle with a moose, which I co incidentally teach. Maybe that's why you've invited me on. Oh yeah, that's right, your mooth safety court. Of course. It's like just like grab first of all, grab the moose by

the testicles. I mean, um, like I said, it's a finger up the butt and fist up the butt for the moose because it's very big. Don't don't never listen to don't listen to either of us. I'm Smedian. I have nothing to offer. There is a value. Don't stick a finger up a moose's But I can't believe I have to say this again. Um, just don't mess with moose. They're very big and they're they're tanks, and they'll they'll they'll they'll will give you they'll deliver good ass. What

unto you is that? Um? So we mentioned to rachnophobia. Um, what what sort of uh small what small creature uh do you think could be as like? What other insect whether they're small creature do you think could be as dangerous as a spider? I mean so many things bite right, like sucking red ants bite like so many little tiny things by things that fly, I don't know, wasps, different kinds of I mean, wasps and bees are actually more

dangerous than spiders. Um. And there are some ants that, while they're not necessarily deadly, the bullet ant will deliver an extremely painful bite that is, as its name kind of implies, feels like a bullet um. But actually, uh, freshwater snails are far more dangerous than tarantula's other venomous spiders or even bees and wasps. Um. So, most spiders and tarantulas are pretty shy, and many of them are not even like, they don't even have a venom, and

even those that do, most of them aren't deadly to humans. Um. So rarely do spider bites cause death? Um, some years there are just no recorded spider bite fatalities um fatality, even in Australia, home of like just every animal that wants to murder you. Uh, there hadn't been a recorded fatality from spider bites for like almost forty years until

when someone was killed by a redback spider um. And the statistics on spider bites are kind of hard to come by because it's hard to like diagnose to spider bite. But suffice it to say, it's not like an epidemic. Fatalities are likely to be in the single digits in the US per year um, and some years there's just like no no fatalities at Also, it's like an average over years, and I think I mentioned before it's around like like six or seven a year, and then globally

it's probably pretty similar. But freshwater snails can cause snail fever, which is also known as and here we go, just toso maassis. That sounds really good. I trust you more than me on that one. I just had confidence that was really misplaced about this. Let's call it snail fever. Snail fever. We got a case of snail faver. Uh. It's caused by a parasitic flatworm found inside the snails. Um So, I guess you could actually blame the flatworm. That's not right, it's sort of a nesting doll of

bad um. Uh So. The World Health Organization estimates that more than two hundred thousand deaths UH per year are due to freshwater snails worldwide. UM. The diseases found in tropical countries in Africa, the Caribbean, South America, Southeast Asia, and the Middle East. Um and most of the deaths occur in continental Africa. Um. And it's just like like it's sort of back to the cone snail where it's just very innocent. You don't think of snails as deadly. Um and yet they are way just in terms of

numbers of deaths, they're way more deadly than spiders. All I think about them when you say snail, I think about accidentally stepping on that. Yeah, I know why I didn't see you. Why would you be in my past? I know? I hate it. UM. I had Katie willert On and she's like she likes to rescue snails because she's just like, oh, imagine like you're so slow moving and then like God comes in and like picks you up and put you to safety. Um, but I I feel really guilty when I step on a snail. It's

also not it's a hat gross, it's nasty. It makes me feel bad, which is like the worst sound I know. It's just like is that a fredo? Oh? No? And like I usually, you know, if you can see them, you're always like, oh, let me move you around right away, buddy. But they also don't like to be moved, and you like pull them and you're like, no, it's for good.

I used to collect a bunch of snail, like when I was a kid, I would like collect so many snails and then like but like they when you have too many snails, it just makes your hand smell gross. What do they smell like? Snails? Just gross? Just gross. They smell gross when there's too many of them and they're all pooping on you, it's not good. What's their poop? Like? It's a little little little black sort of like brownish little tiny a goo. It's kind of goo, I guess,

like sort of just like a little strands. So no, it's more like fish pooh or it's just like a little strands because I don't know what pish fish pooze like at all strands of grossness. Also, when I was a kid, I according to my mom, when I was like a toddler, I would eat raw snails from the garden to stick them in my mouth and eat them so uh and she knew because I had like snail shell all over my mouth when I would like, come o god. Um, so maybe this is payback for eating

the eating snails, like some kind of karmic payback. Um. Yeah, but it's it's a it's actually it's like a really serious uh disease that causes a lot of death. And it's interesting to me because we we have such a cultural fear of spiders, but we don't know as it's just there's not as much information that is in the popular media about things like deaths caused by these these parasitic flatworms found in these innocuous looking snails. Mild I know. So you know how the Lion King is out right now?

I have I have to admit I have not seen the one yet. I have seen the old one. It's a delightful. It's a delightful romp that is super inaccurate. Um. So we're going to correct the record about some lion things. But first hippos versus lions, who do you think is the bigger badass hip size size wise, but also just

attitude wise and everything wise. Really um so, uh, just some of the numbers that I could scraunge up between two thousand four UM on average, only around forty people were killed per year in uh Tanzania, UM, which is the country with one of the largest populations of lions. Um. And sort of I couldn't find really good statistics on this, but sort of the upper estimate that I found of total deaths per year of line from like line attacks is around two that's you know, that's actually that's a

pretty good amount of lot. Yeah. Well, hippo's kill about five hundred people per year in Africa. They are just all about They are very intense type a personality. So historically the Zulu people of southern Africa have recognized the hippo's clear dominance over lions. Uh. There's an old folk song that goes, quote, he is a lion, yet he is better than a lion. He is a hippopotamus. Yes, And so they were savvy to how much better hippos were a just pure tank tank nitude. Um. So they're

extremely aggressive towards humans. Um. They'll often capsize boats and bite, crush, or drown the humans in them. Uh. In two thousand fourteen, a hippo attacked a boat in Eastern I think it was so it was in a Niger and it killed thirteen people, which was almost everyone on board. Wow. Um. They'll also raid crops near their territory, and they'll kill humans who try to stop up them because I guess they love corn. It doesn't come to cook out hippos.

I don't know what they actually what kind of crops they prefer, but I have seen them like just crush entire watermelons in their little mouths. They're so cute at the zoo too. They like they're like they're cute. They're just like these you imagine they're from the Disney like the you know that the Fantasia thing where they're all ballerinas and they're like dancing around and they're adorable. Uh. But you know, they weigh up to four thousand pounds,

which is about as much as a large suv. Um. They can open their mouths at an hundred eighty degree angle and listen to this. It has a bite strength of two thousand pounds per square inch, So for comparison, lions only have about six hundred fifty pounds per square inch of jaw force. Um. And their teeth. The hippo's teeth can reach lengths of over a foot long, and they're purely they're for combat and sexual competition and defense. Um. They're not really used that much for eating. Um. Their

back molars are what are used for that. So um. They also are we think of them as kind of blunt, like when you think of sort of the Disney cartoon. They're just sort of like blunt cylinders, but that is not true. Um. They are self sharpening as they scrape against each other in their jaw. And so I have a creeure of a hippo skool, so you can see just how sharp they are. You can see, yeah, they come to points um and I'll probably post this picture

up on our on our various sites. Are in the footnotes, but you can see it's like their their teeth are serious business. They are sharp. Um. Uh. So they are way more dangerous than lions. Uh, not just statistically, but also just like I mean, I would kind of rather fight a lion than a hippo. I think if you it's you versus hippo, there's no chance. If it's you

versus lion, well there's still no chances. But I feel like maybe I could discourage the lion eventually, if I survived long enough, the lion might think it's not worth it. Maybe depends depends on how sweet or flesh is, right, And also like if I can do sort of a Liam Nissan thing, right, attach a bunch of like little broken like um sort of wine bottles like or not wine, you know those a little tiny those liquor bottles that you get the little the little uh like travel liquors

or the like when the mini fridge. So if I had a mini fridge and I could just use the weapons that I can craft from a mini fridge with a little tiny Schmirnoff like things, I would love to know where you are that there's a lion and also a mini fridge full of obviously vegas. Yeah. Um, so, speaking of lions, I wanted to cap off this show to uh kind of correct the record about lions because like they're obviously one of the most fear animals or at least considered to be these very fearsome. Uh, and

the lion king is spreading some mistruths about lions. Actually, since I haven't seen the new one, I don't know if they correct it, And this one I kind of doubt it. You know, I don't think anybody was screaming about the inaccuracy of the first one. I was my loan voice screaming out um. And I actually so I was. I was helping out the Bechtel cows with us too, because they wanted, uh, they wanted some hot tips about

the lion king, so I gave them this. So you may have already heard, uh, some of these these really important, this very hot take I have on lions. If you listen to the test or yeah, if you or if you haven't listened to it yet, go listen to their their podcast. It's brilliant. Um. So, first of all, let's talk about lion king and gender dynamics. Yes, so prides are often thought to only contain one male in like

a harem of females. But this isn't totally accurate. So there's a certain sort of subspecies of lions called savo lions, and they they do typically only contain a single adult male as a rule. Most other subspecies of a lions have prides uh, and there can be one male, but they can have up to four males and they're typically brothers UM. And typically there is one dominant male who is allowed to mate uh and then there's several females

in their cubs. So another kind of thing. I think that the line king gives this impression that the male lions are in charge and they're sort of the political leaders of the pride, and that's just not true. So it's true that male lions are bigger and more powerful than their female counterparts, but female lions make up the core of a pride. UH. So males can come and go um a dominant alpha male and the pride will eventually be ousted by a younger, more fit male or

males who will take a tenure at the pride. So it's just it's like a revolving door of male lions basically UM. And it's not nepotistic. So his son isn't going to take over like Simba in the Lion King UM. Instead, Simba would probably go off and try to find his own pride. He'd get like kicked out when he was a teenager and then go off, and it's hard to say, like who's in charge of a lion pride. Both females and males have roles, Like females do a lot of

cub rearing and they do the majority of the hunting. Um. Which, like that's another thing I think in the Lion King to which is the one with have you did you see the other lion kings or just the one lion king the only one. There's like a couple of sequels less are now And there's one where it's like Simba's daughter like meets like this bad boy lion who's like scars sons as dumb. But you know, so like this this boy lion Covu teaches Simba's daughter how to hunt,

and that just doesn't make any sense. Like females are way better at hunting than male even despite their smaller size. They're much more proficion in hunting. Um. Maybe because of their smaller size. I think it's also the social social they're much more social. There's a lot more sort of like learning from each other and working as a group. They're more um they have a lot more sort of

communication building, team building. Yeah, um, and so much so that actually prize our thought of as being matriarchal societies because the permanent social structure is maintained by females, whereas

the presence of any one male is temporary. UM. So another this is one you may have heard of, which uh is kind of gross, but in the Lion King UM, in the structure that they have set up, Nola and Simba would either be half siblings or cousins because as you notice, like there's Scar and Mufasa are the only lions UM and probably the way it works, like usually there's just one dominant male who will mate, so probably

they would be half siblings um. And so it makes no sense for them to get together in the end um because like typically that genetic bottleneck of inbreeding is avoided by a dispersal where the male lions prefer to move away from their uh natal pride uh in order to seek a new prider territory. So the most accurate the movie got was when Simba like moved away from

the pride. But and it's like if he never came back, like Scar had suggested, that would be way better because then he's not going to be in greening and yeah, and like dwindling the genetic pool to like, Yeah, it's nasty. Um. Also, females will gang up on intruder males who attempt to take control of a pride. So if Scarr tried to, you know, pull what he did, like, the female lines would probably kill him. And he's like kind of scrawny, so they probably could kill him. Um and uh so UM.

Just a few more uh short notes about the lion king Raffii. It is called a baboon in the movie, He's not He's a mandril. Um. Mandrels were once thought to be baboons, but they now have their own genus, so that's wrong. Hyenas would never work with lions. Lions eat hyena cubs and sometimes vice versa, and lions will also steal hyena kills, so hyenas are not purely scavengers. Um. So. Sometimes hyenas will steal lion kills if they can get up on them, but often lions are the ones stealing

hyena kills. Um. And hyenas are matriarchal uh so they're actually a lot more nepotistic than lions. Where Um, females uh daughter will take control, like we'll have dominance over the pack. Um so actually, if you were placed move faster, Simba and Scar with female hyenas, the movie would suddenly become way more accurate. Um right now, I know, like do a move on dot Org thing where the lion

king is replaced with female hyenas. And in contrast, female lions are actually a lot more democratic and egalitarians, so it would not be a monarchy that doesn't make any sense. Uh, And real lions would eat fucking Zazoo like in the first It's just it's ridiculous, like that hornbill would be. It would be just like an order of Really, I wouldn't even notice, just wouldn't even pay attention to that annoying British voice, just like, hey, Mr Kane, we we've

got a problem. And you know, I'm such a worry what and they just eat them? I mean, I think Scar did try. Scars the real hero. He's really trying to, like, I mean, he's trying to feed the hyenas. He's trying to like get some equality with the hyenas, and he's trying to eat the hornbill is as God intended. I mean hashtag Scar did nothing wrong. Yeah, I didn't know I would come here and tried to keep Simba from inbreeding scars the real Tarro, I mean, and honestly, I

just could never forgive him for mu Fosta's death. So I just feel like all of this is sacrilegious. I mean, but that's also very normal line behavior, like killing the alpha male. Look, I wish Mufossa was my dad. Okay, I wish the guy who voices Mufossa was my It's like my cool grandpa or my cool uncle. You know. James Earl Jones. Yea, his voice is amazing. It's it's

like such a good voice. God if I if I like, I would love to grow up listening to that voice every night, going like like good night, Luke, um your He never actually says Luca, I am your father. He just says, no, Luke, I am your father. Because couple really always get it wrong. Yeah, because yeah, so you know, James Earl Jones, Is he a lion? Is he an actual lion? What James Earl Jones like real life? Yeah? Yeah, it's not a man but a lion? Yeah, I believe it. Nice? Nice?

Where can people find you? Uh? They can find me on Twitter and Instagram. Um At the Sophia spelled s O, f I, y A and uh I co host a podcast about love and sexuality around the world with Nasty gross sorry who's it with Corty Kozak and it's called Private Parts amount gross, sick, disgusting. How dare you? So? You can find us on the internet at so there's Creature feature pod dot com. That's our website. Um. You can find us on Twitter at Creature feet Pod and

on Instagram at Creature Feature Pod. I'm Katie Golden. You can find me on Twitter at Katie Golden and also of Birds Times at Twitter. So pro bird rights, follow that, support avian rights and support the eventual takeover of the government five birds. Thank you so much for listening. If you're enjoying the show, please smash that like and subscribe.

Wait that's isn't that's not that's not a podcast thing, but you know, r review it, subscribe it, smash it, uh and just like love your animals, Love animals, go to go to your natural history museum, support the Earth recycle reuse and do not inject yourself with cone snail venom. All right, bye, you guys, see you next Wednesday. And thanks to the Space Classics for their awesome song ex Alumina,