Networking & Relationships Roundtable with Adam Marx, Adriane Barnes & Tabitha Cavanagh

Venture capitalists or press people or partnership opportunities or customers or whatever, and learning how to build really great longterm dialogues with those people. You know, I'm a tech writer, blah-blah-blah speaker, whatever, but that's the real focus that I'm interested in right now, because I think that a lot of networking could be done a lot better and serve people better. Awesome.

And really what that means that at the, my heart of hearts is that I'm very similar to Adam. I'm a relationship builder. I'm a connector, a networker, whatever you want to call it, I've always really cared about people. And that's really the common denominator with everything I've been doing. And so I think my overall philosophy of working with people is just leaving every single interaction better than I found it.

It doesn't matter if I'm at TJ max and I meet somebody randomly in the aisle there, or I'm in a work meeting, whatever it is or here, I hope that everything that I do to contribute. Make someone's life better in some way. So that's what I'm all about. I love people.

I love helping people to find alignment and really helping to facilitate unlikely connections and just getting you to a place you didn't know, you could be, because I think that most people are really within reach whatever that Kevin bacon, six degrees of separation thing is. I do believe that. And so if there's anyone I can ever help connect you to just let me know. And with that said, it's nice to be here. And I will popcorn too. I guess maybe the last speaker that we have is that. Hi.

You know, if you're not out there making friends and just trying to get to know people and be helpful, then you're, you're probably pretty much dying in your own business. So it's all about knowing and sharing and being friendly. Adam asked me to join and I'm excited to help out and learn something from some real relationship and networking experts.

But the point is, is that people come into and out of your life because everyone's got their own stuff going on and you never know. At what point a relationship when it would be great timing for a collaboration. So like the best thing to do is just to continue having a great dialogue and kind of let things grow organically as they want

Back together, but then a clubhouse event and now it's Twitter event and some random things have brought us back together. So I think it's just kicking off having a really great first connection with somebody, whether it's great energy or whatever it is, that's really tying you together and then letting it organically blossom, like you said, Forcing it. And even if that means two years goes by, and then you finally get back in touch.

I think great relationships are about longevity and it's not about the short game. So it's, Hey, if we don't talk for six months, it's okay. Like we know that we can be there for each other. So that's what I love about it. I

Let's figure out how we can solve these problems and maybe brainstorm with each other. And I think those interactions, we had quite a few of them. It's hard, really helped develop, not even just a working relationship where if someone's like, Hey, I need this. I think, oh, Adam's a great guy to do that. But like actually a friendship that you know is going to be even beyond networking possibilities. Yeah.

I saw some that, well, some have been like at a bar and there'll be like, you can get like one for free, but you going to be there for an hour or two, if you get like one free drink, but then you have to buy off the menu. And I think that I was having this conversation like yesterday with my father, which is funny. Cause I was at an event here in Atlanta, like yesterday morning with a few people, like a couple of whom I had already known and was relatively good friends with.

And then like a bunch of new people who I met just down getting coffee yesterday morning. And you know, I was talking with my father later. Yeah, she gets get some business cards and I was kind of musing to myself and then we were talking about it and I was like, but I wouldn't really use them like at a networking event because in my experience, people spend so much time trying to hand out their business cards that they don't spend the time cultivating a great dialogue.

You know, they're like, oh, but what if I walk away? And I didn't hand that person, my business card, if you have a great conversation with somebody, this is the 21st century, and they're motivated to get into contact with you. They'll find you either through social media or your business website or through Google. Like there are any number of ways. I've had people like find me just by looking for my orange sunglasses, which is ridiculous, but it happens.

And I think the reality is that people don't spend the time on the things that it's worth spending time on. Right. Cause like you could spend time handing out business cards, but you're better off spending time understanding who somebody is, what motivates them, what kind of missions are they working on and thinking to yourself, how can I work with this person? How can we collaborate and find something mutually beneficial? Yeah.

Cause you're like this is awkward or are you just organically flowing? Feeling people's energies. And some people are better at that than others, but just letting that take you and then having those meaningful conversations, like actually connecting, like you said, versus just, Hey, walks away with 40 business cards. Don't remember 39 of those people. So for me, when I'm meeting somebody new, I'm trying to repeat their name.

I'm trying to think about the things that are really resonating with me. And what's connecting their name to, uh, maybe a fact about them, about who they are, whatever it might be. So I love that you brought that up. Cause I was like chomping at the bit to bring up the fact that, you know, if you're not having the right conversations, it doesn't really matter how many people you're talking to.

Third 32nd spiel. Here's my card. Very, very few people. There was like one corner of people. I found that I kept go in and sit and actually chat. But if you were working the room, if you were walking around the room, the conversation, wasn't like, Hey, what do you do? What's going on with you? Oh my goodness. Like tell me about your family. Tell me about your life. It was. Hey, so this is my business. This is what we do. Here's the card. Let me put myself in your phone. Very transactional.

And it honestly, it turned me

That would underscore what's this person's sense of humor, you know? And then like you get more into more serious. What are the like, yeah. Okay. I don't care what your current business is. Like, what are you working towards? What are the missions that really drive you? For me, I'm really driven by like missions of mental health and diversity and stuff that I couldn't solve myself if I wanted to. And I'd love to be part of that mission, but like, that's not something that I can do myself.

That's like a broader mission. That includes lots of people. And so those to me would be really interesting speed networking events, because you get a really good taste of who somebody is in that maybe that 32nd window and the conversation of what they're selling or what they're working on or this or that. There's always time for that. You don't have to close the deal in the first 15 seconds. And if you feel you do. You're either not a great salesperson or your product. Isn't that great.

That's what that communicates to me point.

We'll talk there and then we can have more discussions, but I'm curious for everyone else, how do you introduce yourself? How do you get that first foot in the door? Because I think events are fighting. But I'm guessing 80 or 90, or maybe even a hundred percent of the networking that we all do is through other channels through direct or through

And so then that's an email or that's like a Twitter DM. And then from there, I feel like most of the quote, unquote work, the introduction has been done for me. So I just come in and I'm like, hi, I'm this is what I do. And so when the introductions are made that way, I feel like there's, I don't know, it's just a natural, more organic, full, like that's how life happens. In business and even outside of business, whatever the case may be.

We're talking about things with our friends and our friends to, Hey, this is something that you should look into. And then we already trust that it's most likely going to be a good solution because our friend told us that it was going to be great for me. I don't have a very clear formula or like, this is my approach. Step one, step two, step three. It could just evolve. And maybe that's not a great approach. That's why I'm also here to hear what other people have to say in their approaches.

So for me, I'm always thinking about how can I make your life better, right? How can I leave this interaction better than I found it? And then I think with that mindset, that always helps me to keep, certainly not everyone in mind. I meet a lot of people. I'm a recruiter, but when you come to the interaction with a great mindset, like I really want to just be open to whatever is about to happen. Then I think that's really, when you get the most out. And part of that is I think a vulnerability.

So when I speak with whether it's, you know, I try to connect with new people at least once a week through LinkedIn or whatever, like completely outside of my job, not related to that, just really getting to know people, continuing to expand who's in my community, you know, by doing that. Organically continued to happen over time.

And I would say, I know we're on Twitter right now, but I spent a lot of my time on LinkedIn and I would meet a lot of people there and I've grown that follower count, whatever, you know, which I care less about. I care more about the engagement and who's actually in that community and are those people also good people that I can continue to refer out? And that's the kind of mentality I have. It's like everything snowballs into everything else, you know, it's like, Domino's so if.

Somebody to somebody else and then they might make that introduction too. So that's like my name down the line and that's how I've built. My reputation is people are like, okay, Tabitha's a connector. So I think some of those things are what really helps me just mindset around the connection. If in the first five seconds it feels right for both people to share something super personal, I've been on conversations like that. I've been on calls like that.

And I've been on calls where we're on the phone for the first time. And people are like, I don't know why I'm telling you this. And they're in tears. And I think it's just, you. And everybody's different, but you attract different things when you open yourself up. So I've always been really honest that like I'm a cancer survivor. I have been laid off when I was pregnant, that I have been open about my challenges. So other people feel like almost like a permission.

They don't need permission, but they feel like, oh, she just shared something. Now I feel like I can share something too. And that is how in conversation. Number one with intention. I can create an incredibly strong bond with somebody because it's just an awareness of mentality and really how you decide to show up.

But if you're going to show up and be guarded, it's not to say that down the line, you can't have some type of like great relationship, but it just, I think that really is dependent on how you decide to kick that off. So that's just my 2 cents. I really love

And for me, it's funny because I spend so much time thinking about like this particular question, given what I do, it's how do I help other people get in front of the people whom they want to get in front of in a way that is. And part of the question is okay, but why do you want to get in front of this person? Do you want to get in front of this person? Just to sell something and make some money because that's not really what I'm focused on. If that's what somebody is focused on, that's fine.

But I have target people when I say I have target people that I want to get in front of, you know, they could be LinkedIn influencers or Instagram influencers or whatever, or just other press people, journalists, venture capitalists. And my feeling is okay. I want to get in front of this person. Presumably I'd love to do business with them at some point. But I also want to learn from them.

I also want to create value for this person, like 75 or 85, even percent of everything I post across, whatever network is supporting somebody else. Devin.

And a lot of people focus on networking with the idea of cultivating an audience, but they focus on the quantity of audience members and not the quality. And I truly believe if you take the time to give, before you get, you will eventually be given some reciprocation from the type of people you want in your audience. Well, Take longer and it might be a little bit exhausting with putting yourself out there in that way that generally yields better long-term

I saw that he loved post-it notes and I know him like through the grapevine, we know of each other, but we don't like know each other. So I put together a little package for him. I put together a book that I wrote a chapter in. I put a handwritten card with and I went out to the store and bought like some cool different kinds of posts. And then packaged it up. And that's just one example. And then I know other people that are like, oh, Hey, you just had a new baby. Like why me?

You know, I have a friend, that's an author that authored a children's book. Let me get him to sign it and then mail it to you. And that's really like how you can kick off relationships to that. Somebody you've been wanting to meet, but you don't really know. So of course it's getting there. And being able to do that, but once you're able to do that, it's I sent out handwritten notes all the time. I just sent one out last week to our Glassdoor rep for 10 bed, you know?

So it doesn't really matter who it is. It's just, if you have a great conversation, a great interaction, and you want to keep that going and at least let that person know that you are a good resource for them and that you really care. I mean, sending things like that, like the handwritten note is not dead. I love snail mail and that has been a huge part of my. Strategy is sending those out on a really regular basis to my, I send them out to my colleagues.

If they, if somebody really inspires me or helps me on a project, or even just takes the time to introduce themselves when I'm new, you know, cause I'm still pretty new to Chen Matt. I'm only about four months in, so I've just been doing things like that. And I think that makes you really memorable, but it also puts a smile on their face. Sticker when I send it out. So of course everyone's different.

I don't expect that everyone's going to send out a handwritten note with a sticker inside, but I think just taking the time to go above and beyond, even if it's just for a smaller subset of people, that's just a really memorable thing. So I don't know if anybody else here has tried that or done anything similar.

Getting those large people, speakers who have hundreds of thousands of followers or, you know, people within their audience that it really is about finding, making sure that the content, the messaging is clear and then that will help attract the right kind of audience and the right kind of people, not just, oh, we've got this. Marketing celebrities. So here we are. Now, the event's going to be amazing.

Cause everybody's going to want to see this one person it's more about actually fostering a community around a message, I think even more so now. And that, that also goes into just great network, networking with quality people and knowing people who have a good message to share. I found it challenging. Actually. I'm about to launch it is launched. Now it's a buyer persona summit and it was interesting trying to balance.

Having speakers that people would know notable speakers, but then also creating messages that would be informative for the entire audience. And I think that really goes back into having a strong network and networking in, you know, around that quality versus quantity kind of thing.

And so when you have a quality audience, it can be small, but if everybody is giving each other feedback, collaborating and growing together, when you want to talk about building a robust community, that's what it's all about. Right?

It's about the caliber of the followers, not just the number, because if you have a hundred thousand followers on any given platform, but they're not really interacting with your content or engaging with it in a way that helps to build a mutually beneficial dialogue and community around that topic, that mission, that company, whatever it is. Then numbers are just numbers. And so last year I actually wrote an article last year.

Like I spent, I don't know, a few weeks last summer during the middle of the pandemic going viral on LinkedIn. And like, it was fun. Like the vanity metric of it was really nice to see those particular stuff. But ultimately it wasn't like suddenly I had tons and tons of business coming in the door from that whatever business that what had been coming in the door and still was coming in the door was primarily based on the personal relationships that I was just continuing to develop.

So those vanity metrics. They feel good in the moment, but they shouldn't distract from the real goal, which is the point of any conversation is really to get to the next conversation. And whether you have a hundred followers or a hundred thousand followers, the feeling that you should have in your mind, the goal is I want to create a relationship and a rapport so that whoever it is. Wants to pick up my phone call wants to answer my email.

And once you get to that point, it doesn't like we talked about with Adrian and Tabitha, that it doesn't matter if six months goes by because people get busy with life. You don't spend time obsessing over that because you know that there's a great solid foundation for that relationship.

And they feel like you're a great fit. Chances are, there's probably a few more people you have to talk to, especially in a higher level position. And given that recruiting and all of that is all about relationship building or should be, let me preface it by saying that I know sometimes it's transactional, but in my world, I love recruiting and it's not transmit. So point being is like, the goal is to get to the next conversation always. So how do you do that?

And it's typically not by just focusing on yourself. It's also like knowing something about the other person, trying to create that connection. If you're in someone's office or wherever you are with them, you, again, it's an awareness it's like looking around, seeing if you're in their office, do they have a bunch of pictures of. Or their kids or their whitewater rafting or whatever. There's a million examples. And it's just about, oh my gosh, you're wet, right. A rafting or camping.

And I love the camp. I'm super outdoors-y and really just making that connection and breaking down those walls and those barriers that people put up, you know, because Adam's here point this last year. I hope, I think that it's taught many of them. That there's really no line. So anyone that thought there maybe was aligned before in my world, there is no line. I mean, business personal, it really all blurs into each other.

And of course, you're going to try to keep certain things separate, but at the end of the day, it's like when you blur those lines, that is when I have found absolute magic.

Well, what might be perceived to be a powerful or an influential network or access to influential people that that person was just inherently, either born with those connections or your mom and dad made those connections like that. It was that there was just a streamlined effect to get in front of those people. And does that happen? Yes, that does happen. There are people who just have that streamlined, ease to get in front of those people.

But I think the more important thing that I doubled down hard on is that you can build a ridiculous network from scratch. I've done it across numerous industries. I did it when I was in music. I did it when I was in tech. I did it on LinkedIn building like a little local political network so I can get more involved locally and just the same strategies work. They're industry agnostic. So patience and humility and value creation.

Like these seem like really ambiguous terms until the day that they're not. And those things that you see on Facebook or on Twitter, on LinkedIn, you're like, oh, that's definitely happens on shark tank or Facebook movie or whatever. It's no, that stuff happens in real life. But if you don't prepare the ground for that possibility, it doesn't happen. It's like looking to catch a fly ball in the outfield. Like if you're a hundred paces in the wrong direction, you're not going to catch it.

And so it's going to look like, of course nobody would catch that, but if you're within a pacer too, because you've spent time preparing the dialogue and creating value. Going out and being engaged in that community, you can build a staggering network relatively short time.

And so like that's possibly the most important thing I can say is anybody could do this taking out the whole, obviously the socioeconomic element, which is a totally different conversation, but primarily like people could go out and be patient. People could go out and create value for others. They could go out. Be humble and interested in creating with other people. Just for some reason, you got to focus on 10 months, not two weeks.

It's not gonna happen overnight, but six months down the line, you're going to look back and go, oh my God, look who I can get in front of this is ridiculous. Yeah,

Now that made the difference. I think people have this notion that like networking is supposed to be balanced. Networking, isn't balanced. Don't confuse balance with nuance. If you pour two hours into something, cause that relationship could be worth the time and you spend two hours trying to get in front of that person and you get in front of that person in the last five minutes with the walkaway that there might be a further dialogue. That's a success. It's not.

Oh yeah, but I wasted two hours. No, that was the preparation. And then you achieved what you wanted to achieve and focus on those bounces. That's how you find those. Side entrances into the dialogues and you've skipped the line that everybody else is waiting in.

Like these CEOs and people who are building software businesses, I went more to just be in the room. I wanted to be around the people who were building the things, talking to them as somebody who thinks about relationships and network building. That's good to hear that wasn't like a crazy thing to do to just figure out how to like. In the place where the people who I want to help happen to be, let's see if I can make some friends and make some introductions at the time.

I thought maybe, or my husband at least thought that was a little crazy. He's like, but this isn't even towards you or your business. And I was like, yeah, but the people in this room could be like really beneficial just to know, just to shake their hand and meet them.

So understanding yourself and why you're at the event or why, why you're reaching out to somebody it's knowing the underlying theme and then had knowing how that. To your primary motivators, I think in general.

So if you really want to connect with me, find me on LinkedIn, because well, you can try here, but, but I'm still navigating. So I look forward to staying in touch with everyone and thanks again for having me today. And