What Questions to Ask Before Adopting From Foster Care - Weekend Wisdom

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Dawn Davenport  0:00  
Welcome to weekend wisdom by creating a family. This is a relatively new addition to our podcast network here. This is where we answer your questions, and we try to do it in five to 10 minutes. So without further ado, today's question is from Rachel. She says, what questions should a pre adoptive family ask about a possible match, when adopting from foster care to determine whether the match would be a good fit for the family? That is a great question, Rachel. So you do seek information before adopting any type of adoptive but in this case, we're talking from foster care in order to see if the child is a good fit for your family, and to see if your family can be a good fit for this child. And you're also gathering information in order to get to know this child and start adapting your life to fit this good. So in this case, we outsource this question to our online support community on Facebook. And you can check that out, by the way at facebook.com/groups/creating. A family, I figured we would go to the true experts, which are other people who have adopted from foster care and ask them what questions they ask, the first suggestion is to ask to see and read the child's complete file, not a summary. In addition to gathering information on this child's past, you also want to gather health information on this child and their family in order to be prepared to parent this child. So here's a quote somebody said, she said, I also read the entire health file, which was super important, because there were early signs of asthma, which he does now have a diagnosis for, and which has been significant to manage, I was able to learn more about asthma preemptively before he came. So that's just an example of why it's important to ask for the child's complete file. So some of the other questions, I'm kind of dividing up into groups, the first group of questions is to get to know the child or the youth. So some of the questions you could ask is, first, how does this youth or child feel about adoption? Have they been prepared? Are they interested? Do they want to be adopted? Another question, you could say, what are their likes? I mean, do they love animals? Do they love being outdoors? Do they live for sports? Or do they really live for reading, et cetera, et cetera? Basically, what we're trying to figure out is, if this child's interests will fit with the interests that your family has already developed, your family is already interested in. Now let's be honest, he was a family can adjust and shift so that you could easily accommodate if you're a reading family, you could easily accommodate and might learn something from a sports nut. But it's important to know that ahead of time to start preparing yourself along those lines. Are there any sports or activities that this child or youth is currently involved in or that is important to them? Again, you need to know that so that you can start saying even if you're, you're a soccer family, but this kid is gung ho on football? Well, you need to be looking for a youth football league and be able to how do I get involved in that? Another one to ask when you're just thinking about the interest of the child, or their family members that this use will want to keep in contact with? And then kind of along those same lines? Does the openness plan that's been designed for this child meet your acceptable criteria you need to know with openness plan is or the after post adoption and you need to be able to agree to that wholeheartedly. All right. That's for the interest of the child. Now let's talk about some possible challenges you need to know about before going in, what are the child's behaviors at home and at school? Another question is whether they currently go to daycare without any significant issues. And that's surprisingly important for any working parent, if the child if you need daycare, you need to know that the child is going to be able to go so here's a couple of quotes. She says one of our sons was kicked out of for daycares when he moved in. And that made things very difficult for two working parents. And here's another quote, I adopted a toddler preschool age child. I'm a single parent. So my kids go to daycare, I asked a lot of questions about his experience in daycare to ascertain that he would be able to go to daycare, which he has. Another question to ask is about the child's ability to form attachments. Does he have bonds with teachers with his foster mom to other kids in his class? Does he play with other children and have friends? Another question to ask about potential challenges? Is, is this child or youth safe with animals? Another question to ask is, depending on age, are they currently safe to be left home alone? That's important for you to know because you may need to get supports in place that if you have to go out that even though he said leisure that you think that he or she should be able to stay at home alone. If they're not able to do it, you need to have a plan in place. If they had been moved from a foster home, ask the specific reasons why that's important to know. And also ask if there has was known sexual abuse, they may not know quite frankly, but if they do, you want to gather this information in advance, and you may be able to find this information in the file. But it's also good to ask, in addition to questions like those that were asking about the child, I think it's also a good idea to reverse the question and ask, Is my family a good fit for this child? Or what can I or we do to be better fit for this child? Some questions to ask yourself? Am I trauma informed? Do I have the ability and willingness to look beneath these potentially difficult and destructive behaviors? Am I willing to change my parenting style to connect with and meet the needs of this child? Can I advocate for my child, even if I don't approve of their behavior? That's an important one. Can I emotionally self regulate? When all heck is breaking loose? Am I willing to do my own therapeutic work? And look at my own issues and what I bring to the table? Am I willing to put aside my aspirations for the perfect child? That's another big one. Who do you have in your life to support you daily, weekly, financially, potentially, to help step in and provide daycare or Respite giving you a break for babysitting? Somebody who maybe can drive to medical appointments, or honestly, just somebody he could call up and talk with? All of those are good questions to reverse the lens is start looking to yourself. I hope that's helped Rachel. I think these are such good suggestions. So I hope it is helpful, and thanks for submitting your question. Before we leave, let me tell you about the free courses we have on our website at Bitly. Slash JBf. Support. They are provided by the chalky being family foundation. You can use them as continue and if you need continuing ed as a foster parent, or perhaps even somehow as an adoptive parent. But even if you don't need continuing ed, they're just good courses to help you be a better parent. Again, you can find them at Bitly bi T dot L y slash JBf. Support. Thanks for listening to this week's week in wisdom. If you liked it, please tell a friend to subscribe at the creating a family.org podcast

Transcribed by https://otter.ai