How to Adopt in 2024

Please pardon any errors, this is an automated transcript.
Dawn Davenport  0:00  
Welcome everyone to Creating a Family talk about foster adoptive and kinship care. I'm Dawn Davenport and I am both the host of this show as well as the director of the nonprofit, creating a family.org. Today we're going to do our annual how to adoption. So this will be how to adopt in 2024. Such an important topic we'll be talking today with Teresa Bernu. She is the Associate Director at Adoption Centers of Illinois, she has over 13 years of experience in the child welfare field, dealing with a wide range of cases including domestic infant adoption, foster care and guardianship. And we also have Steve Valdez. He is the chief operating officer at Hand in Hand International Adoptions, he holds a BA in public relations, a Masters of divinity and an MA in psychology. Steve, you are well qualified for this topic. He is also an adoptive dad have five kids through foster care. So welcome Steven Teresa to creating a family. Thank you. It's great to be here. We're gonna start by talking about domestic infant private adoption in the US, and how primarily direct those questions to Teresa Bernu. And then we're going to be talking about adopting from foster care in the US and all three of us will be talking. And then we will end with international adoptions. And it will be Steve and I primarily who will be talking about those questions. All right. So to begin, let's start about how to adopt a baby in the United States in 2024. So let me start with you, Teresa. What is the process really adopting an infant? So

Speaker 1  1:36  
the process starts with identifying an agency and I encourage all families to explore the different options, go to the program, introduction meetings with a few agencies, I think this is one of the biggest decisions you'll make in the adoption process. I would agree, yeah, it's an intimate experience, you're going to get to know each other very fast. And so feeling comfortable with the agency is really important.

Dawn Davenport  2:01  
Let me just pause to also add that you can work through adoption attorneys, they don't tend to have those informational meetings, but they usually will give you a consultation. And usually it's free the initial introductory meeting. So go ahead, Teresa. Yes, good

Speaker 1  2:15  
point. So once you settle on an agency, there's typically an application and a fee that you will submit. And I can speak for our agency, we then do an initial application interview, which is basically that initial screener, we go over any criminal history, medical background, we touch on, you know, adoption views, and just kind of the basic background information. At that point, we also go over the required paperwork that you have to complete. And there is a lot of paperwork, so you can prepare yourself ahead of time for any type of adoption that you're going to pursue, as well as training. So training is a big part of the process. So once all of those items are completed, you move on to the home study, the home study, we like to say it's both a process and an end product. And so it includes interviews in home safety inspection and walk through your home. And it ultimately results in a report that will hopefully approve you to adopt. So once your report is finalized, typically, you'll work on a profile book, which will be presented to expectant parents who are considering placing their child and then comes the hardest part, which is the wait period. So families, you know, will be registered with one or more agency or perhaps working with attorneys. And they wait for the match and the placement, and then ultimately go through the ICPC process, which is the interstate compact on the placement of

Dawn Davenport  3:38  
children. But that's for interstate if you're adopting a child in another state. Yes,

Speaker 1  3:42  
thank you. And then once home and settled, there will be a post placement supervisory period before the adoption is finalized. So that is it in a nutshell. Yeah,

Dawn Davenport  3:52  
that's perfect is that about six months that post up and the child is living with you, but you haven't gone to court to finalize the adoption I've made varies, but what are you seeing? Is it around six months or a little longer? Or a little less?

Speaker 1  4:03  
I would say six months is average. I've seen anywhere from one month to six month but no longer than six.

Dawn Davenport  4:09  
Okay, great. So what are the reasons that pregnant moms are placing their child? What are the things that you're seeing this year last year as to the primary reasons that they're making this decision? Yeah,

Speaker 1  4:21  
so for each Mom, it's going to be a different situation and a different reason. I would say some of the most common reasons that we are seeing is a lack of financial or social supports. Being at a place in life where they're not ready to parent, they may already be parenting other kids and you know, just don't have the resources to parent and other sometimes struggling with addiction issues. And every once in a while a child will be born with a serious medical condition and they don't feel like they have the resources to meet the child's needs and so they might explore making an adoption plan.

Dawn Davenport  4:52  
Okay, we say now that the vast majority of adoptions are open, but that's a misnomer in Some ways because openness is, as they say, in the law is not a defined term, it varies dramatically. Would you agree that the vast majority of adoptions have some degree of openness? And what are the differing degrees of openness that you see right now? Sure.

Speaker 1  5:15  
So yes, you're absolutely right, there are varying degrees, and certainly the majority have some type of contact. And it changes over the years. This is a fluid relationship, and it's one like no other in your life. So this could look like it could be mediated, it could be submitting photos and letter updates, the adoptive parents that is to the agency, or attorney and then passing that on to the biological family, it could be direct communication, similar to that it could be using a photo sharing app to upload photos, it could be in person visits, it really just, it runs the gamut. But

Dawn Davenport  5:51  
it needs to be an agreement that both sides feel comfortable with it. My experience is that a lot of pre adoptive parents are very frightened by openness. They think it means co parenting, they're insecure in their role as, quote, the parent. And so they are wanting to restrict that. I find really, very often after the adoption, that adoptive parents are often wanting more openness. It's an interesting thing. The one thing that I feel strongly about is that make no agreement that you're not willing to truly honor and not break off what you have agreed for a relatively minor reason. Absolutely.

Speaker 1  6:35  
I think, Well, what we know is it isn't a child's best interest to have access to that relationship. Of course, this doesn't mean that it's healthy and safe. And so I tell families that entering this journey to adopt and, you know, considering adoption, I think we owe it to birth parents to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume the best in them, because they are absolutely doing that in us when they have some child. And so I love one of the adoption attorneys, Jeanne Gillespie, who she does a course at our agency. And she starts it by saying First things first, stop watching those Lifetime movies. I love that because it's so accurate. That's good. Yes. It's perfect. And, you know, at the end of the day, you are the parents. And if something comes up and you feel like you need to pivot, or you need to maybe put some additional boundaries in place, you know, that's your job. And we're not asking you to co parent, like you said, and it's going to evolve over the years. And like I said before, unlike any other relationship, and it's understandable that there's concerns and reservations as you're going into this, because there's a lot of unknowns. But I think navigating it, as things come and you know, seeing where it goes for your child is the best thing you can do. One

Dawn Davenport  7:54  
other piece of advice on openness is, I always tell parents, learn about it before you decide about it, learn what it is, what it means, why it might be good for your child, read success stories, understand it, and then go in making an educated decision as opposed to a gut reaction that says, heck, no, no, this gets mine, we're going to pretend that this kid never had any other parents, even the most people probably wouldn't go for saying that. But that's the emotional response. So learn first there's a lots of information agencies will give you plenty of information. And there's lots and lots of information on our website, creating a family.org. In fact, we have an entire section dedicated to open adoption. So I think something that surprises a lot of people who are new to adoption, is that adoption has evolved to where it is now and expect it parent's choice for the most part. And I think people are maybe it's from the Lifetime movies. I hadn't thought about that. But it's harkening back to 20 3040 years ago, where the agency was looking to make the match the social worker looked in and oftentimes, the adoptive parents got on a list and when your time came up, and when you made it to the top of the list, you were placed with that child, Teresa, is that how it is today?

Speaker 1  9:14  
It is not. Thankfully, thankfully, that's more power than I ever want. No, yeah. The current practice is an expectant parent will approach an agency and, you know, of course, the expectant parent council will go into what adoption is what does this look like that is final and irrevocable before they even get to talking about families. And so hopefully there's more than one meeting, and that this is an in depth conversation and that it's not just jumping to the families, but once they do discuss families, it's asking an expectant parent, what are they looking for? What are they interested in? Whether that has to do with living in an urban or rural area, whether they have other children, religious background, whether I'd say same sex or a mom and dad or a single parent, there's so much so much criteria that you can go through. And you know, what might appeal to one person is what the next person might say I don't want. So that's where things start from the expectant parents side. And then we look at what adoptive families are open to. And we kind of filter those people out. And then we present all of the profiles that match.

Dawn Davenport  10:23  
So that expectant mom or parents will be presented with oftentimes multiple profiles, they look at these profiles, and then select a family based on that.

Speaker 1  10:34  
Yep. And every once in a while, there will be someone who says I don't want to choose, but the vast majority people are looking at profiles.

Dawn Davenport  10:40  
Okay, excellent. So what are some of the we use the term special needs, which is only used in the adoption world? Special Needs means things that are present in the child are in the child's background, or potentially present that could make parenting this child more of a challenge? Would that be a fair description of special needs?

Speaker 1  11:01  
Yeah, I would start by saying, All adoption has a level of trauma. And I think that's important to acknowledge for all families. And then prenatal substance exposure is a big one that families need to educate themselves on and determine what level they are, you know, quote unquote, comfortable with. And just like having a biological child, there's risk for different health related issues, you know, and also the medical history of the biological parents, whether that's something that child is predisposed to include in mental health history.

Dawn Davenport  11:32  
Okay, so the primary ones you see for infant adoption would be prenatal substance, exposure to alcohol and drugs, mental health. Those are the two big ones, I guess that some of the other ones would be prematurity are significant physical special needs, which are known at birth. Yeah.

Speaker 1  11:49  
And I would include trauma and that, you know, some kids really do struggle with identity sense of self as they age. Yes, other kids don't. And so you never know. No,

Dawn Davenport  11:59  
absolutely. Because that's universal across all adoptions. That's just a given. So you're right. So how long does it take to adopt a baby in 2024?

Speaker 1  12:11  
The million dollar question. So this is one that's suitable to answer. Of course, all the families that work with us are desperate to know the answer to this, and I wish I could provide a more concrete answer. The reason it's so difficult to answer is because what we spoke about earlier with the expectant parent is the one choosing the family. So there are different factors that influence this, such as how open a family is to race, age, prenatal substance exposure, how many agencies that are active with how many placements those agencies typically do. But I know there was a study done this last year that said 62% of families are matched within one year and 82% are matched within two years. So that's some kind of data to

Dawn Davenport  12:56  
that. Yeah, it's a hard one because everybody asked it. And it's a hard one to answer. Because the truthful answer is, it just depends. It really depends. Right? So how much does it cost to adopt a baby?

Speaker 1  13:09  
Yeah, so this one can vary quite a bit. The range, so to speak, is anywhere from 25,000 to 60,000. And working with an agency. And, you know, of course, if you're working with multiple agencies that will be on the higher end. If you're traveling to another state, there are those travel fees to take into consideration. The expected parent or grandparent expenses will impact this significantly as well. That's

Dawn Davenport  13:35  
something that we should probably mention, depending on the state law, the adoptive parents may be expected to pay some of the living expenses of the expectant mom. And those are, once they're gone, they're gone.

Speaker 1  13:48  
Absolutely. And I think that's one of the more important questions families should ask when they're considering registering with agencies to be active in their program is how their fee structure works. What happens if they pay a significant amount of expenses? And then someone decides to parent, what is their financial risk?

Dawn Davenport  14:06  
That's a very important question, what is covered? And agencies handle it? In many different ways? So you need to specifically ask that question. All right, so last question on domestic infant what is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they're interested in adopting a baby privately in the US,

Speaker 1  14:24  
I think research and educating themselves on different adoption related topics. It's not as simple as adopting a baby and going on your merry way. There are different issues you need to be aware of. If you are coming to adoption, after struggling with infertility, making sure you've worked through that and grieved that and sometimes seeking out therapy for many different related issues. I'm looking at my book Parenting from the inside out right now. She's an excellent book for all families. I think, taking trainings if you can, you know, go into creating a family reading different articles, to make sure the Is this a well informed decision before you move forward? Excellent.

Dawn Davenport  15:03  
Thank you. Okay, I know you are a listener to creating a family podcast because you're here now. But are you a subscriber, whatever app you're listening to this podcast on, you can subscribe to the creating a family.org podcast. And when you do, you will get over 16 years of archived shows available for you to scroll through and listen to. Most of the topics are evergreen, meaning they're just as relevant today as they were when they were recorded. And we have wonderful guests in the past, some of whom are no longer with us and some of whom are still doing great things. So check it out, subscribe to the creating a family.org podcast and tell a friend about it as well. All right, so the next type of adoption we're going to be talking about is adopting from foster care, it is indeed possible to adopt from foster care, there are two main avenues that we would approach for adopting from foster care. First of all, we backup foster care is not an adoption agency. The goal of foster care is to reunify help heal the birth family so that the child is able to reunify with their family. That is the goal. That is not always possible. And so about 25% of the time, that's roughly the child will need a home outside of either their birth family, our extended family relatives. So the process we're really talking about is how do you access children whose parental rights have been terminated are will be terminated so that the child is legally free to be adopted. And that's where there are two main paths. One, and this is the most common is the child is placed into state care that child is placed in a foster non related foster home, there's a tremendous push to place children with Kin. But if that's not possible, the child is placed in a non related just to foster home that foster homes goal, as well as almost always the caseworkers plan for that child is to reunify reunify with the family and the foster family needs to be on board with that, because they're going to be an integral part of helping and working with the birth family. If that is not possible, and the child is not going to be able to reunify, then generally, the foster parents who are parenting that child, if an extended family member does not step forward, or they have not been found, the foster parent will be given the option of adopting that child. So that is how most children are adopted out of foster care. However, there are times when the foster family is not the right family for permanency for that child. They don't want to start over and parent again, the child is younger or whatever then they want or they've got a move coming up or whatever, for whatever reason. They say that they are not the best family for permanency for an adoptive family for this child, then the process is finding a home, not the foster family but finding an outside home for that child. And there are occasions when that does happen. So we're going to talk about both of those. Steve, I'd like to bring you in you work in international adoptions, but you're also an adoptive dad of five through foster care. So let's talk about the process. I believe you were fostering these children before you adopted them. Is that right?

Speaker 2  18:23  
Correct. Yes. So every child that comes to a family through adoption and foster care, first, Foster's even if the child already has parental rights terminated in many states, I should say you can't

Dawn Davenport  18:37  
finalize the adoption right away. So you're right, there's a period of time six months, or longer sometimes.

Speaker 2  18:43  
Right? So all five of our kids actually came to us through foster care, but one of the children had been previously identified as adoptable already because his parental rights had been terminated. So we definitely did travel both of those pads. And they're a little bit different and a little bit similar, all wrapped up into one.

Dawn Davenport  19:04  
Yeah, exactly. It's a good way to say it. Alright, so let's talk about the process that you went through when a child was placed with you as a foster child, his parental rights had not been terminated. Every

Speaker 2  19:15  
child came for different reasons. And the ultimate goal, as you mentioned, was absolutely reunifying, if that was possible. So we really viewed our role as members of the team for the child, not necessarily replacement parents. And I think that was a really important piece of training that we received early on, which was all of us are working together for the best interest of the child. And however that turns out, we all need to be on board with that. And it was important for us to approach it that way because we wanted to make sure that we were fully engaged in giving each of our children everything they needed to get more developed, whatever that meant. So when we fostered them We had really good relationships with the biological families. That was important to us from the very beginning. Because when the adoptions were finalized, if we were to adopt, we wanted to make sure that we were able to incorporate the biological families into the lives of the kids as much as we could. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, it was just something that was really important to us and became more important, as we uncovered the stories of our children and their biological families. There were, you know, things in our kids past that made it clear that it was just a really important thing to have the bio families involved as much as we could safely do. So it was definitely a challenge. You know, we were starting our family through foster care. And so there was a lot of anxiety and unknown, there was a lot of unknown in the process, which can be really scary. But we were told early on to really just live into that and talk about it. And we went to support groups with other foster parents who were going through the process, some, you know, planning to adopt and some not, and just being present in the process really helped a lot for that, and allowed us to give the best of ourselves, I think, to the kiddos, regardless of whether we ended up adopting them or not, no, unbelievably, all of the children that we fostered, we ended up adopting. And that was a really rare experience,

Dawn Davenport  21:26  
I was just gonna say that everybody who's listening, this is not the norm. I tell people that generally speaking, if you foster for kids, you will be offered the option of adopting one that of course, it's only taken off of the 25% ratio. But anyway, go ahead for you. And that was quite a different experience. Yeah,

Speaker 2  21:43  
for us, it was a really different experience. I think part of it had to do with, we were selected for a program in our county that they were piloting, that was looking for specific parents with specific backgrounds to take care of kiddos under the age of five, who came from a background of domestic violence, drug or alcohol abuse or HIV status. And so it was a specific group of kiddos that came from specific backgrounds, where maybe it was a little harder for reunification to happen, because of the specific circumstances with those families. All of the families were given lots of opportunity to be involved in reunification. But ultimately, there were, you know, significant issues that couldn't be overcome in a timeline that was at the best interest of the kiddos. And so that was another reason that it was really important for us to incorporate the biological families into the lives of the kids after the adoption as much as we possibly could. Okay,

Dawn Davenport  22:45  
so the process was you fostered, you worked towards reunification, which very often means, you know, being involved in visits with the biological family, trying to be a support for the biological family, things such as that. And then when it became clear that the they call it the permanency plan, the plan for the child was shifting from reunifying with their family to adoption, then you were asked if you were willing to step forward and be the permanent family for this child.

Unknown Speaker  23:15  
That's right. That's exactly how it happened. Yep.

Dawn Davenport  23:17  
Okay. So how did it differ? When you said one of your children had already had parental rights terminated? So how does that process differ?

Speaker 2  23:25  
It was a little bit different, right from the approach, actually. So when we received the phone call from the social worker that time, they said to us from the very beginning, we have a child that we have identified as a potential match for your family. They said because of his needs, and the way that your family has demonstrated your ability to handle the special needs of a child that's already been with you, we think it would be a really good match for you guys. And it's a permanent match. The child's biological families rights had already been terminated. And so it was a matter of finding the right placement, six months of foster care. And then California law allowed us to adopt after six months. So the process was a lot shorter. It was a lot less anxiety inducing from the very beginning, because we knew exactly what was happening all along. And we were able to sort of just grow into the idea of being his forever parents from the moment that he came to our home, because we knew ultimately, he was not going to be able to go back to his biological family. Yeah,

Dawn Davenport  24:32  
that does shift your shifts your perspective, probably significantly, I would think, right,

Speaker 2  24:37  
for sure. It was a completely different shift from the very beginning. But it also allowed us to have an amazing relationship with that son's biological aunt, who is involved in in our family, like our biological families are and so that's been a really special thing for us to have that kind of relationship. And that was one of the really beautiful thing. Things that grew out of this having come from, you know, a child whose parental rights have already been terminated. And knowing from the very beginning that we were creating a permanent situation.

Dawn Davenport  25:12  
In addition to this podcast, creating a family now offers what we call a short form podcasts. We're calling it weekend wisdom, meaning of course it it drops on the weekend. And in that podcast, we take questions and we answer the questions that you guys have. So please send us your questions at info at creating a family.org. And we will take the time to answer them on air usually is five to 10 minutes. So it's a short form, dropping on the weekend. So check it out, we can wisdom by creating a family. Okay, Theresa, your agency has a waiting child, a child whose parental rights have already been terminated program for adoption. Tell us about the process. How does that compare? How is your process compared to what sleeves process was?

Speaker 1  26:01  
Yeah, so in our program families, they still need to go through the home study process. There's significantly more training for this program for reasons you might imagine, specifically, you know, parenting, a child who has experienced trauma is not traditional parenting. And so making sure families are equipped to do that have a good understanding of what the children have been through and how to meet their needs is really important. They need a foster family home license, which is part of the process as well. And then once they are up and running, so to speak, they are registered on a few different websites, in which they can learn about different kids who are in need of an adoptive home and send their information to the caseworkers assigned to the child. And then the process varies quite a bit state to state. But generally speaking from that point, if the caseworker thinks this family might be a good match, they would set up a conference call with my co worker who works with the families at this point and share more about the child learn more about the family. And then some documentation on the child would be shared with the family. And ultimately, the family, if things proceed would go and visit the child, maybe for a weekend or so. And then if things move forward from there, the child might come. We're in Illinois, so might come to Illinois for a week or so before the placement finally a purse. And so in our program, when the child is placed in the home, it is for the purpose of adoption. So parental rights have already been terminated. And the case was moving towards adoption. And that typically happens within six months.

Dawn Davenport  27:36  
Okay. And I think it's important for people to know the reasons that children come into foster care in the US. The number one reason is neglect. I think people often think it's abuse, but it isn't. Neglect is the number one reason substance exposure of the parents are struggling with substance abuse disorder is the second most common reason. And then abuse is fourth or fifth and eighth. So that's why children come into care, keeping in mind that the kids didn't do anything. This is the adults in their lives who have not stepped up. The kids haven't done anything. Teresa, in your experience, what age and race of child is available for adoption from foster care. And in this case, let's talk about children who are waiting already not kids who are being placed in foster homes because becoming a foster parent that way children are every age, you know, they come from infancy newborn straight from the hospital all the way up to 18 year olds are probably 17 year

Speaker 1  28:30  
olds. Sure. So in our program, and I think this mirrors the national average it's about seven and a half. And race and ethnicity is this one is from the national average, it's 44%, white 23% Black 21% Latino or Hispanic 8%, biracial or multiracial, 2%, American Indian 1% Asian or Native Hawaiian and 1%. Unknown.

Dawn Davenport  28:57  
Okay. And Steve, both from your experience and also just from what you know about foster care adoption, what are some of the common again, we use the term special needs some common conditions that these children might present with their parents need to know going in? Sure,

Speaker 2  29:12  
um, you know, I think that there's a wide range especially because there is no set definition of what special need really is. So we've seen you know, everything from eczema and skin conditions that can be taken care of with lotions, called a special need to you know, our first son came to us on dialysis 12 hours a day at our home until we could get him on a kidney transplant list. And he was able to have a transplant a couple of years after he came into placement with us. So, you know, it really does run the gamut. I think the most common special needs that we saw throughout the process were add autism spectrum, but I also think people should know that diagnosis list does not necessarily define who a child is when they're coming through the foster care process. In many cases, there are diagnoses that are made based on symptoms or experiences that kids have had, that don't necessarily always reflect the reality of the children's situation. Because trauma has such an impact on human development. And sometimes, the effects of trauma can mimic symptoms of different special needs as well. So my advice to parents that are going through any kind of adoptive process is always take everything with a grain of salt. And keep in mind that it is just as possible that a child has been misdiagnosed and had a label or a diagnosis put on them that is not accurate, as a child may come with no diagnosis, but definite symptoms that would lead to a diagnosis. So parents should always consider all of the information that are presented to them about the children that they are considering taking into their home. And at the same point, keep in mind that children are the most resilient human beings that walk the face of this planet. And that with the right care and attention, children can make their way through almost anything. So special needs are absolutely important to consider. And to do your research about, you know, I can tell you, when we first were approached with a child who had a heart condition, and whilst medications a day and needed dialysis for 12 hours a day, it's overwhelming to receive all of that kind of information. Yep. And then I remember walking into the room and meeting this child for the first time. And He flapped his little hand waving and said, hola. And all of a sudden, all of the diagnosis just melt away. And it's a child, that's flesh and bones in front of you that just needs help, to get where he's supposed to go, you know. And so definitely pay attention to it, definitely do your research. But also remember that children are resilient, and adults have a greater capacity to love and help than you could ever imagine, until you're in that situation. So don't underestimate your ability to make a difference in the lives of kids, no matter what special needs they might have, either. That

Dawn Davenport  32:19  
was a beautiful thing. I would agree. All right, the next question is a hard one to answer. We get it all the time. How long does it take. So we need to break that into the two processes, whether you go in as a foster parent, or whether you go in looking only to adopt a child, if you are going in as a foster parent, there really isn't a specified time, in theory, the birth family has about two years to be able to, we call it work the plan or whatever to be able to comply with whatever it is that the state is saying they must do in order to get the children or child back into their home two years is a very loose timeframe. It can go longer, I don't see it happening substantially shorter, but it could. Now how long does it take to go the other route, which is to find a child who is legally free for adoption? Teresa, what's been your experience on how long that takes

Speaker 1  33:15  
quite a spectrum. Once again, like most things in adoption, case by case, we've had families who, once they're active in our program, they've had a child placed in their home within three months. And we have other families who have been active for over five years. So similar to domestic infant adoption, a lot of this will be determined by or influenced by how open you are to different medical diagnoses, you know, race, age, whether you're open to sibling groups, things of that nature. And, you know, I think that's one of the bigger influencing factors with this program. One difference is the onus is more so on you in terms of how active you are in reaching out to caseworkers on those different websites that I mentioned, versus domestic infant where you're basically sitting and waiting for the phone call. So the more prerogative you take in that regard, also influences it.

Dawn Davenport  34:07  
All right. Another question we get is how much does it cost? I'll take that one. Basically adopting from foster care costs very little, if not free. If you're working with one of the county agencies or the state agency, there's usually no charge. If you're working with a private agency, there is usually some charge. However, all of that will be recouped, or can be recouped from the adoption tax credit. So it's relatively inexpensive or free. Steve, what is the first step that you would suggest for a prospective adoptive parent to take if they're interested in adopting from foster care?

Speaker 2  34:46  
Great question. I think that really research is the first step in any successful adoption experience. You'd never want to rush into any experience whether it's, you know, creating a family or otherwise, without doing your research and making sure that you're really traveling the right path for yourselves. There are a lot of different ways to become a parent. And so making sure that this is one that works best for you, is really something you need to be sure of before you go through this process. Adopting through foster care is not something that is for the faint of heart, you really need to be prepared for it, I think. And so I would also encourage people to do what we did to start our journey, actually, which was to attend an orientation meeting, our county where we adopted from had orientation meetings where you could come and hear about what the process was, like, hear about the costs and the timetables directly in the community that we would be adopting from. And that gave us a really good foundation for understanding what to expect or what would come next. We went into the meetings really pretty solidly believing that that was the right path for us, actually, because we went to a chargers football game where they were giving out calendars that were made between the team and the county with the players and foster care in the calendar, and it kind of just was the universe answering our question for us. Then we explored it and did our research and decided, yeah, it was the route that we wanted to take. But I wouldn't say that any one particular route, whether it is foster care, international domestic adoption, is perfect for anybody. So you really have to explore all of them to be sure that you're doing the right thing. But then once you've decided that foster might be the right option, yes, an orientation meeting would always be the right way to start, I think. Okay,

Dawn Davenport  36:37  
excellent. Did you know that in addition to this podcast and our website, that we also offer free courses that can help strengthen your family, thanks to our partners, the Shakopee Family Foundation, you can go to Bitly slash JB F support and choose from a library of courses that dovetail nicely with raising a family built by adoption. Again, that is Bitly slash JBf. Support the I T dot L Y, slash, J. D F support. All right now to round this out our Trifecta out let's talk about international adoptions, adopting a child from another country and bringing them to the United States. Steve, you and I are going to be the primary ones talking about this, since this is what you do as a profession. So what is the process for adopting internationally?

Speaker 2  37:33  
Sure. So the one thing you need to remember about the process of adopting internationally is that it's actually two formal processes wrapped all up into one. And so when you're talking about international adoption, you're talking about, of course, the transfer of parental rights from the biological family to the adoptive family. And that happening between countries always adds a little bit of extra flavor, right. But then you're also talking about the immigration status and changing the immigration status or citizenship status of a child. So there'll be transferring their citizenship from the country of birth to the country that they're going to be adopted into, in this case, the United States. So both of those processes are wrapped up into the one international adoption process. And according to the international community that came together and created guidelines for how international adoption should work back in the early 2000s. That process is all run through international adoption agencies that are accredited here in the states by ultimately, the State Department, which serves as the United States as central authority for international adoption. So the process really begins again, with research. I don't want to beat a dead horse here. But at the same point, you need to do your research when you're wanting to start the process of international adoptions. First to make sure that you're really going down the right avenue for your family. Because again, there are pros and cons to every way to create or expand your family. And so we want to make sure that international adoption is something that feels good for each family. When you are going through that process. We encourage people to talk to as many agencies as they possibly can get a feel for what different agencies are out there, what country programs exist, all of those kinds of things. When a family is ready to move forward. It really starts by selecting one agency that will be their home base or their primary agency that will see them through their entire adoption process. And those primary agencies for international adoption are the agencies that have the programs with the foreign country. So your first step is signing up with an agency that has a program in the country you would like to adopt from once that happens. The agency will move through the process the very first step, just as Teresa said with domestic abuse cin is a home study process where a social worker will come and get to know a family and the life that they live and write a report about that family. That report is really used as the central part of an international adoption. Because, believe it or not, there's never a face to face meeting between the foreign country and the adoptive family. So the home study, and the work that the family does with the agency, are really, really translated to the foreign government through that home study. It's what the foreign government depends on to know who the family is, and to understand the best possible match that they could make of kiddos with that family. Once the home study is completed. That's when the immigration process picks up, you actually will do the first piece of immigration paperwork. And that's asking the US government for permission to be the adoptive parents of an immigrant child that you're going to bring to the United States for the purposes of citizenship. So the US government reviews the file in the home study to make sure that the family can qualify. And then they give ultimately, an approval or a denial, that approval is 100% necessary for family to be able to move forward. Once that approval is given, then the family submits their entire file to the foreign government and the foreign government, then we'll take time to consider whether that family is approved to adopt from that country. And then we'll ultimately offer a match to the family of the best possible match that they believe they have kiddos that are waiting for forever family with that prospective family. Once a match is ultimately accepted. The family goes through the last piece of the immigration process, which is asking for specific permission for the kids that they've been matched with to be granted citizenship once the adoption is completed. So it takes a little bit more time for the US government to go through that process and respond. And once they respond, then travel can be scheduled where the family will actually travel to the foreign country, and pick up the children and then travel back home with them. Then there are some post adoption reports that are required by each of the countries that we work with. And once those are done, really, you know, the work begins creating and sustaining the family in as healthy of a way as possible. So it is a pretty extensive process that includes a lot of moving parts. But it is one that any agency that's been doing it for a while, will be fully equipped to walk a family through. Yeah,

Dawn Davenport  42:30  
maybe it's gonna say the family is not doing this alone. That agency is holding your hand every step of the way. And including supporting you after you get home. That's

Speaker 2  42:39  
exactly right. In fact, at our agency, we even have two people, there's a program director who's always overseeing it, and also myself, I sort of serve as a concierge for each of our families, walking them through the process and being there with them along the way to make sure that they don't feel like they're alone. And they've always got someone that is there with them as they're walking their way through the process. Exactly.

Dawn Davenport  43:01  
So Steve, what type of children are available for adoption from abroad and I, when I say type, what type of special needs it used to be. And I think a lot of people still remember this time and make can think it continues. It used to be it was possible to adopt a and we have to put air quotes around the word healthy, because healthy was a bit of a misnomer because these kids have experienced a fair amount of trauma. And there was also we have no idea we didn't use get enough information to know what type of medical conditions or whatever their children have. But that is no longer the case. We tell our audience that international adoptions is really a special needs adoption program now. So when we say that we've already defined that special needs as can mean anything. So generally, what you're seeing now what type of children are available for adoption from abroad, what type of special needs do they present with? Sure.

Speaker 2  43:54  
So you know, there is really a wide spectrum of kiddos that are, you know, able to be matched through international adoption as well, though each country really sets its own guidelines for what types of kiddos enter into their international adoption program. So we have some countries that really only are looking for families to adopt kiddos from the age of seven to you know, 15 where they really are focusing on older kiddos and sibling groups. We have some countries that do have children all the way down to two years of age and up where the kiddos really don't have many significant medical special needs. I think what you commented about Don, which is really important for families to keep in mind is that trauma is a part of every adoptive kids experience, whether they are conscious of it or not. It is something that needs to be dealt with and needs to be handled delicately by a family with the skills to be able to do it That's why training is such an integral part of an international adoption experience, and why we're so happy to partner with you at creating a family to offer your series of trainings to our families, because the trauma training that a family gets, allows them to handle whatever may come their way. And we'd like to remind families that whether you're having a child biologically or you're adopting a child through foster care, international adoption anyway, you never know how a child is going to continue developing through their life. And so being prepared to parent a child of any need is kind of what we help our families get themselves into the mindset for, as you mentioned, the past of international adoption has really been filled by undiagnosed kiddos with symptoms that surfaced at some point right after the adoption and families being unsure of what they were dealing with. We're really seeing the exact opposite of that. Now, really, and that is that when a child comes through international adoption, they have been evaluated for everything you could possibly imagine as quickly as they can. And so there are lots of diagnoses that are often attached to these kiddos. And that immediately makes a lot of families spidey senses go up. And they're kind of like, oh, well, but I always say it's better to have more information than less, because with more information, you can be more prepared. So regardless of what the needs that the children may have, are, and there, again, is a wide range, a family coming through the international adoption process, really should be prepared for anything that they can limit what that everything entails through the work that they do with their home study social worker, and with the program director as they're going through their process. We always tell families to cast your net as wide as you possibly can. When you're thinking about what kiddos you could potentially see yourself bringing into your family, and then taking a really close look at the proposed match when you receive the information from the foreign country and decide if that particular child is the good match for your family. Because doing it off of diagnoses sometimes is not the way to really understand what the perfect match is for your family. So in short, to get back to your initial question, Dawn, you know, there are all types of kiddos that are available everywhere from two up to the age of 15. And it's just a matter of finding the program and the country that has the type of profile child that really is most fitting, though I do want families to know that that sort of old school idea of the youngest healthiest child you could possibly find from a foreign country is not the reality of international adoption these days. Gotcha. That's not a profile of kiddo that is readily available, if at all available to international adoption from any country these days. Okay.

Dawn Davenport  48:04  
So how long does it take to adopt internationally? And what factors influence this time?

Speaker 2  48:09  
Yeah, so that's a very good two part question. Because there are a lot of factors that greatly influence how long the adoptions can take. Anytime you're dealing with as many authorities as international adoption really does. You have a state authority that oversees where the family is living, you have the US authority, again, the State Department is our central authority for international adoption, which has a say and needs to provide approval, there's the foreign country that needs to provide approval. So we're really it's a matter of making sure that the individual circumstances for every family are all lined up as quickly as we possibly can. And for each family and their different circumstances, it can be a different timeline. In general, though, I can tell you that our programs that we have available, allow families to complete an adoption in as short as a year and a half, if everything goes exactly perfect. And you get a little bit of luck, to as many as six years, depending on the size of the adoption. So if it's an individual kiddo, or sibling group, depending on the country that you're adopting, from how quickly your social worker can start your home study process, how many families are in the queue for all of the immigration approvals that are necessary leading up to the adoption? So, so many different things go into it? And that's why we always tell our families if you want to take as much control of the timeline as you possibly can. You need to act when we tell you we need something because when families take control of what they can control, the process does move more quickly. We see actually the number one thing that would slow things down is when the family moves slower themselves. They cry Trees are what they are. And there's nothing we can do to control that. But there are parts of the process that families can control. And we tell them if you want the process to go as quickly as it possibly can. The responsibility for that does lie in your hands in working with us to make sure that you get it done.

Dawn Davenport  50:18  
So how much does it cost? That's also a wide range. And

Speaker 2  50:21  
that is because it depends on the state you live in the agency that is actually providing the home study for you. If it's your primary agency that's doing the placement with you. Each country has its own fees for how expensive and international adoption is. So that also influences things. Sometimes families need to get a lot of official documents that they don't have on hand with them, like birth certificates, marriage certificates, divorce decrees, court files, so all of those things kind of go into it as well. And that's why the range can be anywhere really from 20,000 to say, 50,000. For one child, the price does increase when you're adopting sibling groups. But I can tell you the really happy news that it doesn't multiply times the number of children that you have. And I think that's one of the biggest fears that I hear from families when they're first considering adoption is they would be interested in a sibling group, but they're afraid that it means it's going to be twice or three times the cost. And thankfully, while there is an increase in moving from one child to two to three, it is not a multiplier of that cost.

Dawn Davenport  51:33  
Gotcha. And one other thing I'd like to throw out that does influence cost is how many trips and how long the trip to the child's birth country you have to take. So that also factors. So Steve, the last question, we'll go to you outside of research, what is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they're interested in adopting internationally? And we're going to give you that we need to be doing our research first right outside of that, what would be the next step? Yeah,

Speaker 2  52:01  
really the first step, what makes you officially prospective international adoptive family is when you actually sign up with an agency. So you are just sort of doing your research until you are officially working with an agency, and you submit an application to an agency. So when a family has done all of their research, and they've decided that they're ready to move forward, really the first thing to do is to email or call up the agency and say, Okay, we're ready to do this and fill out their application to get started. And then the first really big significant thing that they're going to be doing, like I said earlier, is the home study, everything with the international adoption centers around that home study. It is central to the foreign government experience to the US approval process, as well as to any grants that families may be applying for in order to make their adoption more affordable as well.

Dawn Davenport  52:58  
Perfect. Let me throw out two additional resources. We will link to these in the show notes. One is an article on creating a family.org adoptions in the US how many, how much and how long, and then another as an article on our site as well. It's a guide on our site is choosing an adoption agency or attorney and it divides into domestic infant foster our international. So thank you so much, Teresa Vanu and Steve Valdez for being with us today to talk about how to adopt in 2024. Thanks, Dan. Thank you, thank you. Thank you to children's house International. They are a Hague accredited international adoption agency. And they're currently placing children from 14 countries and they're placing with families throughout the US children's house also has a home study services only program if that's what you're interested in. And if you are thinking about our would consider international surrogacy they also offer consulting services for that so check out children's house international

Transcribed by https://otter.ai