For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/qcNpMScyLWE . I’ve worked with couples for whom how to load the dishwasher has been the topic that has brought them close to divorce. What’s going on? Our guest in this episode, Talia Bombola, applies insights from psychodynamic therapy to help couples and individuals figure out what’s going on, and save themselves from a lot of misery in the process. Talia’s websites are https://www.therapywithtalia.com/ and https://taliabombola.com/ . Do yo...
Jul 25, 2025•51 min•Ep. 221
For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/oSYU5GCa0YM. Our guest in this episode, Kristan Swan, has been a landscape designer and business coach. We talk about how her work helping entrepreneurs has often overlapped with the kind of relational work that Bruce does with couples. Kristan’s book Spaghetti on the Wall is designed to help people learn more about themselves and thereby make better decisions. She has also developed an eight-week workshop called “Discovering Your Spiritual A...
Jul 18, 2025•43 min•Ep. 220
For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/NFNHWEpG2nM . In my book Betrayal and Forgiveness , I define forgiveness as an “inside job.” Among other things, that means that you can forgive people who have committed acts of pure evil—because forgiving just means you can think about what happened without being consumed by anger or panic. Forgiveness is about healing yourself. To paraphrase Anne Lamott, forgiveness gets the rat poison out of you. Then you can think about how to handle the...
Jul 11, 2025•41 min•Ep. 219
For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/inmBJ6AlwNU . Judy and I had the great honor and delight of interviewing the doyenne of Jewish cooking, Joan Nathan. Our interview took place on a cruise along the Main River in Germany, where we were on a tour of Jewish historical sites along the Main and Rhine. Joan was on the tour, and we all had the magnificent experience of a bistro meal with her, using her own recipes. We’ll be doing another episode about how the experience of touring J...
Jul 03, 2025•41 min•Ep. 218
For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/B7buGaYYF98 . Couples in which one or both have a diagnosis of ADHD can encounter some particular challenges. Our guest in this episode, Lisa Rabinowitz, specialized in working with ADHD or otherwise neurodiverse couples. She tells us about how she helps them find their way to more satisfying relationships. Lisa’s website is https://counselorforcouples.com/ . The assessment tool that Bruce mentioned is at https://forms.gle/1Pj8MUQDH2cYfbVW7 ....
Jun 13, 2025•41 min•Ep. 217
Welcome to Short Take #5. In this series Judy and I talk about some of our (well, mostly my) favorite topics in bite-size morsels. Today’s topic: Betrayal and Forgiveness This short take is about…well, betrayal and forgiveness. What is betrayal? And does forgiveness mean you’ll restore your relationship? Please subscribe and review us! Visit our podcast website, ctin7.com , for more about our podcast, access to past episodes, and links to contact us to make suggestions and sign up for a time to ...
Jun 09, 2025•5 min•Ep. 211
For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/OtUSEC7Fk58 . Why are so many Millennials deciding not to have children? How does therapy culture affect how young people view the prospect of becoming parents? Judy and I talk about a New York Times article by Michal Leibowitz that discusses this. She organized her article according to stanzas in Philip Larkin’s poem “This Be The Verse,” which famously concludes, “Get out as early as you can / And don’t have any kids yourself.” Along the way...
Jun 06, 2025•48 min•Ep. 216
Welcome to Short Take #4. In this series Judy and I talk about some of our (well, mostly my) favorite topics in bite-size morsels. Today’s topic: The “Oh Shit” Moment This isn’t about the “Oh shit!” you might say when you’ve hit your thumb with a hammer. This is about—well, you’ll need to hear it to appreciate why I call it the “Oh shit” moment. It’s often a turning point in working with a couple. Please subscribe and review us! Visit our podcast website, ctin7.com , for more about our podcast, ...
Jun 02, 2025•6 min•Ep. 214
For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/FBplUljRg6w . What is Post Betrayal Syndrome? Our guest in this episode is Dr. Debi Silber, who is the founder of the Post Betrayal Transformation Institute. She describes three discoveries about betrayal from her Ph.D. research, and then talks about five stages along the way from betrayal to transformation. Dr. Silber’s website is https://thepbtinstitute.com/ . Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com a...
May 30, 2025•47 min•Ep. 215
Welcome to Short Take #3. In this series Judy and I talk about some of our (well, mostly my) favorite topics in bite-size morsels. Today’s topic: Stability vs. Intimacy—Can We Have Both? Why are both stability and intimacy necessary for a relationship to thrive? Why do they require different—even conflicting—skills? Please subscribe and review us! Visit our podcast website, ctin7.com , for more about our podcast, access to past episodes, and links to contact us to make suggestions and sign up fo...
May 30, 2025•8 min•Ep. 213
For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/ftqRVeBptqs. What is Radical Moderation? And how can that idea help heal the hyper-polarization that characterizes not only politics but family relationships these days? Our guest in this episode, Professor Lauren Hall, tells us about her work and how she came to it. As Judy mentions early in the interview, I (Bruce) have called myself a radical moderate for decades. (“What do we want? Moderation! When do we want it? When it’s appropriate!”) ...
May 23, 2025•56 min•Ep. 210
See the video of this episode here . Our guest in this episode, Dr. Bonnie Comfort, was married for 33 years to a man she deeply loved and who deeply loved her. And they remained married until his death from cancer. A beautiful story with a sad ending—but, as is always true, not the whole story. Bonnie tells us about the struggles she and her husband went through, particularly around issues of sexual compatibility. Those struggles taught her a lot about herself: the pressures she was subject to,...
May 16, 2025•55 min•Ep. 209
Welcome to Short Take #2. In this series Judy and I talk about some of our (well, mostly my) favorite topics in bite-size morsels. Today’s topic: Rethinking ADHD Is ADHD a disease, or even a disorder? Or is it a description of one end of a spectrum? Why does the distinction matter? I talk about a recent New York Times article in which long-time ADHD researchers describe how they are re-examining their assumptions. Then I tell one of my go-to stories about working with a high school kid who was d...
May 12, 2025•7 min•Ep. 212
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/emily-jamea/ . If you’re having trouble with sex in your relationship, you might want to consult a sex therapist, and our guest today, Dr. Emily Jamea, is precisely that. But what if it’s not about problems—what if what you want is to get past “good-enough” sex to levels you’ve only dreamed about? Well, Emily is all about that as well. Her recent book, Anatomy of Desire , describes how “flow,” as popularized by the psychologist Mihaly...
May 09, 2025•37 min•Ep. 207
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/charity-sinclair/ . As our guest in this episode, Charity Sinclair, puts it, “I’ve been on a lot of shit dates. No, really—literally shit dates.” Dates, she means, in which the guy was carrying around a stool sample. Or was carrying around dog shit. And, she says, she’d take a shit date over a toxic date any time. In our conversation, Charity tells us about calling off her wedding just weeks before, when she discovered that her fiancé...
May 02, 2025•39 min•Ep. 206
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/matt-digeronimo/ . We live in polarized times. It’s hard to have conversations across the great divide—as soon as we detect signs that someone we’re talking to is on the other side, we tend to shut down our ability to hear and think about what they’re saying. Our guest in this episode, Matt DiGeronimo, is a Navy veteran who realized when he took off the uniform that he wanted to be able to tell his grandchildren, when they ask him wha...
Apr 25, 2025•50 min•Ep. 205
Welcome to Short Takes! In this series Bruce and Judy talk about some of their (well, mostly Bruce’s) favorite topics in bite-size morsels. Today’s topic: The Dread Disease, “Hardening of the Categories” Please subscribe and review us! Visit our podcast website, ctin7.com , for more about our podcast, access to past episodes, and links to contact us to make suggestions and sign up for a time to be a guest on our show. Visit Dr. Chalmer’s website, brucechalmer.com , for information on his practic...
Apr 21, 2025•4 min•Ep. 208
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/rabbi-shlomo-slatkin/ . Can a couple who have fallen out of love regain their passion for each other? What is Imago Relationship Therapy, and how can it help? Our guest in this episode, Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, is the founder of the Marriage Restoration Project, which offers intensive retreats, group workshops, and online courses. Rabbi Slatkin’s website is https://www.themarriagerestorationproject.com/ . Do you have ideas for topics or ...
Apr 18, 2025•34 min•Ep. 204
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/found-out-my-father-had-been-cheating/ . What would you do if you found out at your father’s funeral that he had been having affairs? Your father, whom you had loved, honored, and trusted? Recently I’ve talked with several people in similar situations. Judy and I talk about how they might work on healing from that kind of betrayal. We also talk about a dilemma a woman wrote to the NY Times Ethicist column about: Should she reveal to h...
Apr 11, 2025•41 min•Ep. 203
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/craig-mattson/ . Do you ever find yourself drowning in digital stimulation and demand? How does digital overwhelm in work life relate to life as a couple? Our guest in this episode is Craig Mattson, a professor of communication who has studied the disconnection and intensity many workers feel in their work lives. And as a person of faith, Craig has invoked teachings from biblical texts as relevant to these very modern issues, in ways ...
Apr 04, 2025•59 min•Ep. 202
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/leah-spasova/ . Our guest in this episode, Leah Spasova, is the CEO of LifeSexperts, which offers coaching and training to individuals, couples, and organizations about healthy relationships. We talk with her about her multi-layered approach to helping couples with sex and relationship issues. Leah’s website is https://www.lifesexperts.com/ . Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a...
Mar 28, 2025•46 min•Ep. 201
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/wilk-wilkinson/ . We’ve had many wonderful guests, and like parents with their children, I don’t want to compare them. But I do think this is one of our most important episodes. Our guest, Wilk Wilkinson, is a Christian conservative who has taken on the mission of helping this country heal from what he terms toxic polarity. Through his own “Derate the Hate” podcast , as well as his work as a volunteer with Braver Angels and the Prohum...
Mar 21, 2025•49 min•Ep. 200
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/rachel-macneill/ . Are you in a sexless marriage? Our guest in this episode, Dr. Rachel MacNeill, is a pelvic floor physical therapist who specializes in helping people with intimacy issues. She also helps people with urinary incontinence (did you know that Kegels are usually not the answer? I didn’t!). Among the sexual issues we talk about are the myth (often) of low libido in women, dyspareunia and how to treat it, what queer relati...
Mar 14, 2025•1 hr•Ep. 199
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/kristen-williamson/ . What is it like to be “neurospicy”? How does neurodivergence affect relationships? Our guest in this episode is Kristen Williamson, the self-proclaimed “queen of chaos.” Judy and I had a delightful time with Kristen—she exudes a contagious joy, and I hope you’ll catch it too by tuning into this episode. Kristen’s website is https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristensmith0045/ . On Instagram, she’s at https://www.instagr...
Mar 07, 2025•49 min•Ep. 198
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/becky-whetstone/ . When one partner in a relationship tells the other, “I think I want out,” their relationship will never be the same. They might break up, or they might stay together, but either way they’ll have a new relationship. Our guest in this episode, Dr. Becky Whetstone, works with couples dealing with that relationship crisis. She’s been through it herself, and she’s done research, and based on that experience and learning ...
Feb 28, 2025•46 min•Ep. 197
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/daniel-cohen/ . Our guest in this episode is Rabbi Daniel Cohen. Rabbi Cohen has written about how you can “reverse-engineer” your life, so you can live now in ways that will help shape the kind of legacy you want to leave at the end of your life. We talk with Rabbi Cohen about how we can learn to recognize and cultivate “Elijah moments,” and how that skill can benefit couple relationships. Rabbi Cohen’s website is https://www.rabbida...
Feb 21, 2025•36 min•Ep. 196
How can EFT and attachment theory help couples develop secure, rewarding, lasting relationships? Our guest in this episode is Julie Menanno, a therapist, author, and Instagram creator with over 1.3 million followers. We talk about how she works with couples, and how Bruce’s seven words (“Be kind, don’t panic, and have faith”) map onto the concepts that guide her work. Julie’s website is https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/ . She can be found on Instagram at @thesecurerelationship. Do you have ...
Feb 14, 2025•43 min•Ep. 195
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/andrew-davies/ . Improv is all about spontaneity, fun, listening, and being willing to play. How can improv help you improve your relationships, romantic or otherwise? Our guest in this episode, Andrew Davies, combines his love and training in theater and Judaism, and beings the joy of improv to children and adults of all ages. We had fun talking to Andrew, and we hope you’ll have fun listening to this interview. Among the many nugget...
Feb 07, 2025•1 hr•Ep. 194
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/four-things-your-therapist-wants-you-to-know/ . What should you know before you start therapy? Christina Caron wrote an article about that in the New York Times (link below), and Judy and I talk about the four things Caron wrote about, and apply them specifically to couples therapy. As we discuss, therapy is often fluid, especially with couples. Goals can shift, the two members of the couple can differ in their opinions about how the ...
Jan 31, 2025•38 min•Ep. 193
For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/gregory-diehl/ . Our guest in this episode, Gregory Diehl, describes himself as a Romantic Idealist, which, he explains is a fundamentally hopeless position since perfection is impossible. And he remains an idealist even as his own love life hasn’t yet come to fruition. We talk about his ideas about the complementarity of masculinity and femininity, and about the retreat center he has established in Armenia. Gregory’s website is https...
Jan 24, 2025•40 min•Ep. 192
