Here take my advice, you have to be very careful if you call out to one of the dead, all of them can hear you down.
Throw them down down the living.
Hello, and welcome to the brand new mini series where we will be traveling into the Further. So get your lanterns and follow me. My nose is still a little bit stuffed up. I've been dealing with some type of congestion shit. Sorry to sound like Frian pressure, but we're.
Gonna get through it together. So I was inspired by my.
Love of the Insidious movies and hearing about my husband's terrifying encounters with sleep paralysis to create this series. But we're going to go all the way into the Further. Not only are we going to dive into sleep paralysis, We're also gonna listen to some of the craziest paranormal experiences I've ever heard, and I've got some crazy ass clips lined up for us to discuss. But before we do that, let's lay.
Some groundwork here.
Okay, I've never personally experienced sleep paralysis, thank god, but I understand that science has done a great job, like with literally everything else, making it sound like a biological issue and not a spiritual one. I personally would categorize sleep paralysis into.
The paranormal realm.
And for those of you who disagree, maybe by the end of this series I can persuade you others wise, so we all know what they say, right. Sleep paralysis is what happens when you wake up out of your dream, but your body doesn't know you're awake yet, and you remain in a state of paralysis for several minutes, which is usually accompanied by hallucinations quote unquote, And I actually want to talk about a couple of those different types
of hallucinations. You got your visual hallucinations. People may see flashing lights, colors, or even physical figures, including shadowy figures, demons, or intruders. Then you have your auditory hallucinations. These can include sounds like whispers, screams, or the sound of Then you have tactile hallucinations. People may feel a sense of pressure on their chest or a feeling of being touched or held down. That's gotta be the worst fucking one.
And then some other hallucinations include that some may experience out of body sensations or feelings.
Of movement, like I can only imagine.
What it would feel like to wake up and see some fucked up dementor looking motherfuckers from Harry Potter standing over your bed. But besides just regular shadow people, it seems like there are a few entities that appear to almost every experiencer at some point or another, including the hag, the hat man, or the creature like entity that literally sits on your chest.
I mean, think about that.
How can this be a shared delusion seen by so many people? Going all the way back in time, There are recorded accounts as early as sixteen sixty four and even earlier of these night demons. If this is something that can be explained away as just a simple biological response, why are the same demons popping up over and over and over again. You would think it would be individual to the person experiencing these hallucinations quote unquote.
But it's not.
So.
The first known clinical description of paralysis, referred to as incubus or the knight mayor, was published in sixteen sixty four by Dutch physician Ibrend van Demmerbrock. I think is how you pronounced the last name in his case histories right. This description documented a woman's experience of feeling like something was pressing on her and preventing her from moving while.
She was asleep.
And while the Dutch physician's account is considered the earliest written medical description, there are even earlier mentions of this phenomenon in folklore and medical texts from ancient civilizations like Mesopotamia and Persia. The concept of the incubus or old hag quote unquote as a demon causing sleep paralysis in
nightmares actually has roots in ancient cultures. So I want to open us up by playing a super short clip here that I came across on YouTube of this very thing, and it's a lady talking about her experience, and we'll be back right after this.
Hang on, tell me about a time you experienced sleep paralysis.
I had a nightmare. I literally called my mom because I thought my room was haunted. It was in a hotel. I was stuck and something held me down and it had four feet. I literally googled sleep paralysis. There's an illustration from like the eighteen hundreds of this little demon that was exactly what I saw, and I had never seen that picture before. Are you sure it wasn't your cat? That's what I thought at first. I was like, what's just a cat ghost, It's fine, And then I realized, no,
this is terrifying. Google sleep paralysis demon.
It will come up and we'd back.
So it's like I said, why are the same demons popping up over and over and over again? You would think, like I said before, it would be individual to the person, but it's not.
Was the hotel this.
Woman was staying at some kind of a portal, cause it looks like this was probably a thirty year old woman and it sounds like this was her first experience with sleep paralysis at this random ass hotel.
So what's going on here?
She's never experienced sleep paralysis before this in probably thirty years of being alive. She stays at this random ass place, and then all of a sudden, she's got this demon sitting on her chest that people have been seeing since the beginning of time.
Almost. I mean, it just doesn't.
Seem like you can explain it away as some type of like scientific or biological thing that's going on. On. So I know, I covered the ancient history of sleep paralysis, but how about something a.
Little bit more recent.
In nineteen seventy seven, it was discovered more than one hundred previously healthy people from various Southeast Asian communities had died mysteriously in their sleep. The individuals affected were dying from something that they called sudden unexplained nocturnal death syndrome. No underlying cause was ever found, only that subsequent studies revealed a high rate of sleep paralysis and the belief in the dab song or nightmare spirit amongst members of the community.
What's the kicker.
Most died at the age of thirty three. But remember this is just supposed to be some kind of biological thing, right, even though people are dying a basically sudden unexplained nocturnal death syndrome sounds a lot like the SIDS sudden infant death syndrome, which I also think is spiritual. So let's just say, for the rest of this series, I want you to maintain an open mind as we search for
the truth behind sleep paralysis. So we're gonna take another quick break, actually, and I'm gonna play a clip from this guy.
His name is Isaiah, and.
I've been following him on YouTube for a while. And yeah, this guy's voice gets on my fucking nerves. But I really like what he's saying. And literally, right as I decided to create this series. He posted this video, and there are no such thing as coincidences, so I definitely had to throw this one in there. So let's take another quick break and we'll be back right after this.
Hey, guys, today I want to talk to you about nightmares, night terrors, and sleep paralysis. If you ever wondered if sleep paralysis is demonic, that's what we're going to talk about in this video. Please do me a favor. Stop what you're doing in like the video from you, guys. The question I'm always getting is are these encounters with sleep paralysis a demon or a natural phenomenon? Now, before you see Isaiah, I read an article it's what happens
when you wake up while dreaming. You're just hallucinating. It's when you open your eyes while you're dreaming.
Guess what.
I read the same article. But let me just explain something to you. The world is always going to try to find natural ways to describe supernatural experiences. Now, if you've ever been attacked by a demon at night, or had a sleep paralysis or a night demon attack you, you'll know that the only word you can't say is
the name of Jesus. So if it's just natural, and it's your body waking up while you're dreaming, and it's what happens when you wake up in the middle of the night because you're stressed or you're sleeping on your back.
Why is it Jesus is the only name you can't.
Say, And I'm gonna tell you why, because it's not natural or just sleep paralysis. It's a demonic attack. And there is power in the name of Jesus. So I get the science with it and the health things and the articles that you read. But guys, this is not just hallucinating. You're telling me that you wake up while you're dreaming and your body hallucinates demons and the only word you can't say is Jesus. And that's a natural phenomenon.
That's what the devil wants you to believe. I'm telling you, guys, these are demonic spirits that are attacking or manifesting at night. Often symptoms of these demonic night terrors that we call sleep paralysis are a weight on your chest, not being able to speak the name of Jesus, seeing dark figures or dark or dark dark objects in the corners of your room. That's a very very common one, or feeling like you're being suffocated, only like somebody's suffocating you and
you can't breathe. These are all symptoms of night terrors night demons.
Now think about this.
The word nightmare is derived from the Old English word mayor, so night mayor and the word mayor is a means this literally, the actual word comes from a mythological demon or a goblin who torments others with frightening dreams. So this is not a Christian description. This is literally where the word nightmare comes from. You can find this on Wikipedia. It's a goblin or a night demon. So even the world recognizes nightmares are night demons. The sleep paralysis is
just a certain type of demonic attack. It's not always a demon where you're having nightmares, but it also can be things you're watching or things you're letting in your mind. And I would say this, be very careful with what you're watching before bed, because you have to understand there's three sources of dreams. There's a holy spirit gives you dreams, the human spirit could dream, and a demonic spirit. So
today we're talking about demonic spirits attacking at night. But other way is your human spirit have giving you these dreams because what you've opened up the doors, or what you've been.
Watching before bed.
It could be a horror movie, it could be sexual things, and now you're getting these dreams and you're like, why am I getting these nightmares? It's not necessarily a demon attacking you. It could also be, like I said, what you've been watching before bed. Now you need to know the devil does prey on us at night. We as believers know the devil's always looking for a way in, and if a demon cannot gain access through the day,
they're gonna try to gain access at night. Psalms ninety one to five says to not fear the terrors of the night. So there are terrors that come in the night. There's a spiritual war friend going on right now, and it doesn't stop at night.
It doesn't go on pause.
Just because your natural man is sleeping doesn't mean your spirit man is not still awake. I pray the Arm of God on every night before bed because I know that when I go to bed, the battle continues. So you need to realize the battle doesn't just stop because you go to bed, but it rages on even after you go to sleep. That's why you can also pray
in the Spirit while sleeping. If you've ever woken up at night and you're praying the Holy Spirit while sleeping, it's because the Holy Spirit is using your body at night to pray through you, and your body stays awake. The Bible says that although your body's asleep, your heart
is still awake, so this is definitely possible. People don't realize this, and oftentimes one of the reasons why you're attacked by demons at night or it's abnormal demonic activity at night, is because you already had demons, and in the daytime you might think, oh, it's just my thought or just my desire.
But at night, as you're.
Having these reoccurring sexual dreams or traumatic dreams or nightmares over and over again, it's revealing a demon that's in you, that has access to you in your dreams. So you might in the daytime say that's just my thoughts, that's not me. But then at night, because you're not conscious or awake, those demons are manifesting through you and they're being revealed in your dreams over and over. I've seen people have done deliverance on that had constant nightmares after deliverance.
They never had another nightmare. Why because it was the demon giving them nightmares.
And we're back really powerful clip. Isaiah said some really cool things, So let's talk about a few of them. First, not being able to say the name of Jesus while in sleep paralysis. I've actually never heard this one, and like I said, I'm very grateful that I've never needed to.
But if it's true, what the fuck right?
That's very interesting to me. That's the one name that you cannot say. Another thing that he mentioned is be careful what you watch before bed. Now, this one struck a chord for me because story time, my mom was a horror movie slash true crime fanatic, and she started me from a very very very very young age watching stuff that I had no business watching at all. And one of the most traumatic moments I can remember as a kid, I was probably in third grade or even younger.
My mom were into a Jeffrey Dahmer docu movie and there were scenes of him drugging and raping and dismembering and eating dudes, and I remember watching it and that night, I legit woke.
Up in the middle of the most.
Horrible nightmare I've ever had and I had sweats, cold chills, and I actually ended up throwing up that night, and I will never forget that. It was almost as if my body was purging whatever evil I consumed watching that movie. And so so yeah, I do think what you consume, especially because the TV in itself, When you consume something through this magic box, if you will, it.
Goes straight inside of you. There's no filter.
It just goes in straight through your eyes and into your soul almost.
And there was even.
A movie that me and my husband watched recently called Bone Tomahawk, and it got to this detainting scene where this guy was getting you know, jawboned tomahawk to the taint and I had horrible nightmares that night too. And it okay, this brings me to my next point. Right, doorways you can open is another thing that he mentioned. Sometimes I believe we are completely unaware of these doorways
we are creating on even a daily, hourly basis. I know, because of the darkness I have plunged myself into doing this research that I am not the same human being I was a few years ago when I started this podcast. The problem is when we create these doorways, we have no control over what comes in and out of these doorways using drugs drinking as another one that I've heard before. The spirits, you know, and our lifestyle choices can open up new doorways all the time. I've seen it in
my own family with drug addicts. They became vessels for demonic entities to reside in, and it's probably one of the scariest things I've ever witnessed personally in my life, which of course leads us to the next point of spiritual warfare. Whether you want to believe it or not, or whether you are aware of it or not, each and every one of us are constantly in the middle
of a spiritual war. Luckily, for me, my grandpa was a pastor and my family was very involved in our church, and I was made aware from a very early age that we must defend our spirit from unseen forces that seek to destroy us. Put up a spiritual hedge of protection around you and your kids, and where the armor of God.
These are things.
That were repeated to me throughout my entire life, and yes, like literally everyone else, I've struggled with what I actually believe in and sifting through dogma and lies and cover up. But I always end up coming back to the same conclusion. There is light and there is dark, and we make choices knowingly and unknowingly every minute of every day to what side we are subscribing to.
And this also takes us to the.
Next point I wanted to talk about, which is that they come for you at night. Whatever these entities are, this is one of the points he made that gave.
Me full body chills.
Dude, at night, weird thoughts pop up in my head. Okay, I'm definitely more melancholy at night, and I actually have this weird doom and gloom thing I do at night where I imagine all the absolute worst outcomes for every possible situation, and it's like I take on a completely different personality at times, and then I wake up in the morning and everything seems so much better. But it's
like a switch has been flipped. Some might call this depression, some might call this opression, but either way, it's something that I've always struggled with. While I was working at my nine to five job, which really was more like uh seven to seven job because we worked like crazy shifts.
Anyways, I would literally crave rainy, cloudy.
Miserable days because for some reason it made me feel better about having to be at work. I guess like the outside matched my inside at a know, it's just an interesting thought.
But also when it comes.
To the doorways that we open without even knowing it, I think forms of childhood trauma are doorways that can be opened for not just victims of SRA or something like that, but just your average person.
Like for me, I grew up with a drug addict father, and.
I do believe that he was a host for some type of demon, whether it was residing in him or oppressing him. And I spent eighteen years of my life battling this demon that surrounded him, let's just say. And one of my other family members also had this same issue going on.
My mom was always.
Showing me horror movies and forensic files this and kids getting cut up, And like I do think, just based on those small little things throughout my childhood that doorways could have been opened. I know that I've experienced kind of a high level of paranormal activity throughout my life, maybe more than the average person. Obviously, all of these subjects intrigue me to a high degree, especially sleep paralysis.
Like I said, thank God, I've never had it, but I know people who do have it, and it sounds horrific.
But at the end of it, I think that.
There's always some type of spiritual issue going on that's created a doorway for these demons to try to get in.
And so.
I do want to take another quick break, and we're actually going to take a break from sleep paralysis actually okay, and we're going to play a clip. This one comes from a very unlikely source. It's actually Bubba from Forrest Gump. His real name is michelth Williamson, and he has one of the craziest paranormal experiences I've ever heard, and surprisingly it's not shrimp related. So let's actually take a listen and we'll be back right after this.
There's only three or four people in my life that call me Michael, because I hate being called that. And right off the bat, I knew his voice. It was him here, and he said, help.
Me, help me.
You know how to help me, amen, And I was like, Adrian, where are you? He said, they're trying to take me inside. I ran away.
Help me. You got to help me right now before they get back.
And then I can hear all these voices screaming at him for being on the phone. I can hear some sound behind him that sounded like I'm only reminded of when I'm near a roaring fireplace or a barbecue pit, when you can hear that he cut through the air, but it was magnified, and I could hear people screaming and arguing with him, and then I could hear him begin.
To fight, and.
I could hear that he was overpowering, and he kept screaming, no, let me go, No, no, no, no, I'm not going, I'm not going going.
Even where are you?
And he was screaming my name.
Fucking scary as fuck, right, I mean, okay. I couldn't find the entire clip that explains why this is pairs normal, but I'll sum.
It up for you.
So Bubba would later find out that his mysterious phone call from his friend Adrian occurred hours after his friend Adrian had been pronounced dead at the scene of a car crash.
If I'm not mistaken, and Bubba.
Was literally getting a phone call from hell, and I believe him because I know everything there is to know about the disembodied phone call in business, you got demon calls dead, Grandma calls, calls from the Gates of Hell, calls from the graveyard.
Yeah, I think that's all of them.
But so yeah, that's probably one of the craziest paranormal stories from such an unlikely source that I've heard. I
think the full episode is on celebrity ghost stories. There's also one for Marilyn Manson that's kind of interesting, but I think he's kind of full of shit, so take it for what you will, But that one got me so In the past, I used to release a random Friday episode called Phantom Friday, interviewing regular people like you and me about their paranormal experiences, and it was definitely entertaining. But it's actually harder than you'd think to find willing
individuals who want to speak about their experience. But what I've come to find out is at some point in everyone's life they will peer through the very thin veil that separates us from the unknown. They may pass it off as something else, but this realm is all around us all the time. And as some of you know, I grew up in a haunted house. More accurately, my family is just kind of haunted, more so than just
the house that I'm talking about. So I've always been fascinated by the supernatural forces that surround us all the time, and in this series, I hope to explore and expose the many layers of the unexplainable. Thanks so much for taking this journey with me into the further and I'll catch you on the next one.
So when I was fifteen, I ended up getting sent to a rehab in Utah.
It was a two part program.
The first two months was in the Moab Desert. It was a wilderness program, so you basically hike like five miles each day. Let you make your own tent, you know what I mean, like, and you hike to your food spots. So I went to that, and then you transition to a like impatient rehab, and so I went there.
And when I went there, I think, you know what happened. When I was in the.
Wilderness, something hit my spirit. It was weird because it was real freeing in one sense, because I was out in this beautiful place. Man, these mountains, we would hike, these mountains. I mean, it was really it was honestly one of.
The best experiences of my life.
And once I accepted it, I took on this you know this idea of like you're on your own now, you know what I mean, Like your parents don't want you really anymore, like they love you, but like you're.
Out here on your own. When I got there, I got into Buddhism.
And when I got into it, I got really sucked into it because I was I was prescribed as medicine was like an adderall type of medicine, and so I would spend all my time meditating.
That's when I began to do poetry.
I started writing, and you know, so I spent all this time in Buddhism, and it really opened me up to the spiritual realm. I started having these enlightening encounters, or so I thought.
It was the first time I had become aware I think of my soul in a sense.
And so I got real sucked into it, and I noticed some type of progression and but mixed with the medication, it started messing with my mind. And so when I came home, I wasn't the same person. It was like I had severe psychosis. All my friends were like, dude, what happened to you?
You know what I mean?
Like I just cause I was very I used to be real outgoing and really you know what I mean. And so when I came back, I was shut down. Back in the rehabit I started having sleep rouses and I would have There was one where like a devil appeared to me and the dream and basically told me you can't you can't escape from me that easy. And so I started having all these sleeprowses things. I started thinking that like demons were my friends. It just and so at the same time, I'm getting into drugs more,
you know what I mean. I ended up getting on probation when I was sixteen, So I come home at sixteen. A couple months later, I get my first like legal trouble. It was all these things just piling up. And at that point it was like I was just over life, man Like it was like my one friend I thought I had was gone.
My everything was just terrible.
And so one night I was sitting there and I was just outside where I lived was like a house and it was a it was it was on the Manassa's battlefield and Civil War land or whatever, and so we had the it was like a fence of the Civil War post and then it was this big drop off cliff and then it was a river, like a stream and then it was a river. And so one night I was just like, yeah, I think I'm done, you know, like there was no emotion like I I
there was no like, it was just I'm done. And so I went inside and I got a microphone cord tied around my neck, tied it to the Civil War post, and just walked over to the you know, the edge of the cliff and just stepped off, like didn't even think about it.
I just did it.
And as soon as the cord pulled and tightened, it was like my first thought.
Was like, oh man, what'd you do? Like this? This wasn't the right move.
And then next thing I know, I'm just it felt like I was in some type of dream. And then the dream, I'm freezing cold, but I can't move either. So I'm in this like dream state where I'm not conscious of what I did. It's like I'm somewhere else and I'm fighting and I can't move.
I'm cold, I feel like I'm in water. I don't know what's going on. And then like my.
Attention moves and it's like this little light is coming towards me, and so this light is moving towards me next thing, I know, as it gets closer, I just found myself free, Like I just found myself like popping up from the water and it all hit me what happened. And I had fallen all the way into the water and I climb up and like the crazy thing was it wasn't untied for my neck until that moment when I went to the top, I'm thinking it broke or broke off.
It's still tied to the fence.
So I'm like, look, you know what I mean, I'm looking at the length. It's double the length of the fall and everything. It's still tied to both ends.
How did this? But I mean I was wrecked.
I mean I sat and just was just crying, just sitting in the bathtub. It was a middle winter or so, I'm like sitting there freezing, And at that point that was a shift because I knew there was a God at that point. I don't even know what happened or why, but for whatever reason, at one of those points, I just started thinking about Jesus like he was my God, Like I just you know what I mean, Like I just would talk about God and be like, yeah, Jesus.
And so when I got out of jail.
I was like, all right, we're going to do things different this time, Josh, like this is you know, we're in change. And so I started going to church and that was like it was real change because it was just it was like this one day week I could be somebody else, you know what I mean. It's like Monday through Saturday like you're, you know, this drug addict trying to clean up his life. But Sunday like you can be like you can go to this church, no one knows you and just like be like a normal person.
That's how it felt, and so I would go.
So at this point, I don't have any friends, I don't have not I have nothing, absolutely nothing. I didn't have Costy with my daughter. I mean, it was just everything was gone. And so I was just you know, sleeping sleeping in the woods I had. I was at one of the you know, homeless camps and manassas and.
And so.
I got a job at TGF Fridays and I was just sleeping in the woods behind Fridays, and so that's what I did for a while. Mind you, this whole time, I'm crying out to Jesus like and this for anybody watching that like you feel like you're crying to Jesus and he doesn't hear, Like I'm crying out to Jesus with all my heart. I'm all my way to get drugs, like please stop me, please like like help me help, Like my heart for a whole year was burning for Jesus to save me. I just couldn't do, like I
couldn't stop. So so you know, I'm doing that and nothing was happening. And so one night I went to Eerie, Pennsylvania. While I'm homeless, my dad's like, hey, you want to come and see your uncles and your grand My grandma was sick at the time. I'm laying down to bed. I'll never forget. I'm watching American Pickers. My uncle we were sharing a bed, so he's lying next to me, and I'm like falling asleep, and I start going into
sleep proussis. I'm like trying to fight it, like I feel like something's going into my body.
And at the same time, the TV, the voice the guys are talking.
All of a sudden, their voices changed the demonic voices, and they start talking about me and the one guy one so they're both of my voices. The one demon says the other one. He says, his name is Josh, He's from Virginia. We have to destroy him. And I'm hearing this like this is not happening right now, but I know it's happening, and I'm fighting. I still feel
like something's trying to get in my body. I'm in sleep proalyssis though, and next thing I know, I'm like off the beds hearing myself screaming, wake up the whole house. My dad comes down, my Grandma's like what's going on? And I'm like nothing, nothing, I don't know, you know, and I lay back down. But then all of a sudden, I start something's telling me to kill my uncle. And I'm laying there like what, Like something is really telling
me this right now. But I at the same time, I'm telling myself, no, I don't need to do this, I don't want to do this. I'm talking myself out doing I find myself getting up and doing it, like going to do it, and someone telling me just crushed his head, like just just squeezing.
You know.
And so I stand up and I'm standing over my uncle and he's sleeping, and I'm like trying to fight it. But I'm doing it, and so I'm like going towards his head and then he wakes up and he's like and he looks up and sees me. He freaks out and he's like, what the heck is what are you doing? Like and he goes and sleeps like on another couch, and I end up falling asleep. So that happens. I come back home. I'm back in the you know, my
homeless situation. And a week later I go and I'm these guys at the camp would smoke this stuff K two and I thought it was a joke. Like I was like, there's no because they would lose their minds off this stuff. And I'm like, there's no way this stuff does that, and so they're like, just take one hit. And I took a couple of hits, like two or three, and then next thing I know, I feel myself like overdosing, and.
I hear them say he's going out.
And when I fall out, like the last thing, I remember just falling out and crawling towards my tent and then it was just I was gone.
And next thing I knew, I'm in a hallway and in the hallway there.
Was demons on my left side and demons on my right side.
They all had these like weird little.
Robes and they were like short ish and just ugly, like what you would see in a movie, like these hideous like laughing. They thought it was like they were all laughing, like there was some inside.
Joke I was unaware of.
It was just it was it was weird, but I wasn't really scared. I was just so confused, like where am I? And I'm following one and as I'm following it, we're walking up to this big door and I'm just walking towards the door, like what is going on?
Where am I?
And then it says to me. The one in front of me had its hood up and it said one more step, You're almost there. And when it says that, it turns around, it has this big smile and it all clicked, Like what was going on? I said, oh, hell no?
I and I turned around, and when I turned around, I woke.
Up and back on my tent and I was just like soaking wet and sweat, and so at this point I'm like, I was like that was almost it, Like I was about to go to hell, I think, you know, And it scared me because at this point I had faith in Jesus, like I believed him, but he just wasn't showing up for me.
So I kind of felt like there's nothing I can do about it. You know.
Fast forward like another week and I'm at work one night and this lady comes up to me and she says, hey, God says you need to see him, and I'm like, yeah, I know, he needs to see me, you know, like how do we get in contact?
You know.
So, like the next day or two or something, I go to this AA meeting and I'm sitting in the meeting. I'm like, something just pulled me to go to the chapel of the church. And so I go and I stand in the altar and I say, hey, here I am God, like here I came to see you.
Like what's going on? And you know, nothing really happened.
So but I sit down and I just open a Bible Russian Roulette, and I just read the page and that's it.
Go home or back to my tent.
And a week later, I do the exact same thing, the exact same place, the exact same way, and I read and while I'm reading, I get halfway through I'm like, i've read this before. Well it's the exact same thing I read the week before or saw I'm eighteen, and so that really like hit me where I was like, that's crazy, Like I can't explain this is you know what I mean. So at this time, it's like I feel like my life is coming to an end. There was just like the feeling of like this can't go
on anymore. It just can't. Like something's got to give. Either I'm gonna die or something's gonna change. And I was dating this girl at the time who was like really trying. Her mom would always talk to me about God and was, you know, be supportive of me or try to be and she was trying to get me to go to a rehab and so I'm like, I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go.
And so there was this one night where I was like, I'm gonna go the next day. And so what I did is I got some dope and I hadn't done that for like three months, and so I get it, and I'm like this my last time. And so when I get it, I'm like the amount that I had was it was too much to do all at once. But it wasn't enough to do twice, you know what I mean? And I just I was reminded me of where I was in twenty twelve. I just didn't care, like I was, just like, you know what, I don't
even care if I die, then I die. And so what I did, man, is I put it all in there, and I had this moment with God that was so sincere, and everything got quiet, and I said, Jesus, I don't know what you want from me. I said, this is all I know. I'm looking at these drugs. I'm like, this is all I know. Like what do you expect from me? Like I've called on your name, I've done
all the things. This is all I know. And so I started loading up the needle and while I was putting it on my arm, everything I said the Lord's prayer, I said, our Father, who aren't heaven? And while I'm doing it, and at the end, I said forgive me. And I just did it because like I knew, I'm going to overdose. And as soon as I did it, my guess, my body went into fight mode where it's
like you're going to overdose. And I said, get up and run, and so I got I jumped straight up and went to run out the door, and next thing I know, I'm an ambulance and so I'm waking up in the ambulance like, oh no, like because I have these charges, I'm out on two bonds, I have eight years of my head like, and.
They're like, all right, your revived, Like do you want to go to the hospital.
I said no, get me out here. And when I went to leave, the cop was like, all right, now you can come to jail. And so I'm like, man, and I was, you know, I was so frustrated with the cop because I'm like, dude, like, look what just happened, man, Like, I don't need this right now, you know, like you're gonna ruin my life. And uh, he saved it. I guess he played a part in saving it. But he takes me to jail, and you know, I said some of the cop like you should just.
Let me die, like why'd you revive me? Man like?
And he said, oh, you're suicidal. So he said he's like, we're gonna put you on suicide watch. So they put me in the suicide watch, which it just makes the jail experience fifty times worse because they take you don't blankets, you don't get the food that anyone else will get. You can't have like they put your juice and milk in a bag. You can't have that because you might try to swamp. Like they just they take everything from me, and they put this big oven min it's like the
oven mint material over you. So anyways, I'm in the cell, I'm going through withdrawals and I think my life's over.
I get one phone call.
My mom's ball in her eyes out saying you almost died again. This was like my six overdose, you know, And she's just like, you almost died again?
Are you happy?
And that was the call I got, you know that that and everything hit me. It was like my whole life hit me, like you you really ruined your life, like you made a complete mess of your life. And it was real sobering because there was no more like fighting me.
Like I was just like it's done, You're done.
And you know, I'm like I'm gonna I'm gonna be lucky if I do three years in prison, you know what I mean, Like that would be a blessing. And you know you're you're not a good dad, your daughter, You're not there for your dag, like all that stuff's hit me. And so for five days, I was just crying out to Jesus, like bro. The only prayer I knew it was a center prayer for me, you know, being baptized. And that's what I did for five days.
That's all I said. And it was like every time I said it, I'd feel like this two percent increase of like hope or something.
I don't you know what I mean.
And it was like this mantra or something, and I was like obsessively saying it over and over and over and over. But I remember I said, God, if you get me out of this said, I said, I just want to be a good boy.
Like that's it. I just want to be a good boy. And so I go to the pod.
I'm sitting there and I'm like, I can't do this again there and I heard there was a Christian program. So I go to the I sign up to go, and everyone's telling me not to go. I'm like, I don't care, man, like I need a change. So I go to the program and within the first week I was about to leave because they would wake.
You up early.
There was all these like rules and they would stay up at night like, and they would like before bedtime, everyone would pray and read buy It.
And I'm like this place is crazy.
You know, Like I was like, this is a cult, you know, like I just wanted some God, but I don't want this. And so I was about to leave actually, and one of my friends that I knew there was like, man, just give it some time, you know, trust me. And then all of a sudden, I hear this voice one day say why don't you just try? It wasn't me, something said why don't you just try? And I said, all right, you know what, I'm gonna try.
What I have to lose.
So the funny thing is that like right after that, they had this time of day where everyone had to be on their bunks but you couldn't sleep, so it's like you had to read your Bible to do something. And I was like the kid was this guy, my bunkie, was like, you want a Bible? And I was like sure, So he went and got me a Bible and so I opened up What do you think I opened to SAWM eighteen, same thing I had read in the thing. So now I'm kind of hooked, like this this is
too crazy. So basically what happens. Over the next week or two. I started listening when speakers would come in, I'd read my Bible. I was like genuinely trying. And then all of a sudden, one day there was no moment I didn't feel God's presence. I didn't nothing happened. I just looked up one day and I wasn't the same. Like I'd be in conversations with people talking about women or drugs, and I would feel like this, like uh like turn like and I would be like, all right,
y'all have fun with this. And I'd go to my bunk and read my Bible. And I found that, like the more I did, every time I would call on Jesus, I would feel joy, like I'd feel his presence and it would just kept growing and growing. And at this time, I'm like, I don't even care if I'm doing time whatever, because now I had found Jesus. Like I'm so intrigued and like consumed with Jesus and like this is a good. I can't think of the word right now, but this
is a good. Gives a good idea illustration of like the difference. When I got there, I wanted to leave.
Because they would read the Bible and stuff.
Like by the time I left the program, I was literally walking around all day trying to pray for everyone.
Like you know what I mean. People are getting annoyed me. They're like, dude, we're Jesus out today, and I'm like, what do you mean? Like you know what I mean?
So so like that's that's like shows like how serious this transition was. Like there would be break time and I, me and this other guy would be in the the the rumor they could go to play sports or whatever, and we would just be worshiping, and like you know what I mean, we'd look up. We'd be in our own worlds and we'd look up and it's like all other inmates from other pods like looking at like we're you know, we're in there.
One dude's crying, I'm laughing, like and so I remember being like, God, you know I don't you don't owe me anything like this. I did this to myself. Thanks for saving me.
And I told him, I said, but if you do get me out of here, I said, I'm gonna lay hands on every person I see, and I'm.
Gonna preach the gospel. Le's like I was like I owe you everything, So I mean, that's I guess in a nutshell my testimony.
Then into thank me, do you thank, and do thank and do thank me the bum thank into